It was going to be a quiet and productive morning. I had all my ducks lined up in a row, something that hadn’t happened in a long time.
And then it happened.
The phone call.
I’m not sure whether it is the same the world over, hang on, only the European speaking countries like Australia, Canada, USA Britain, as a small English speaking sample, that get incessant calls from call centers in India (or places like it)
It seems the Australian telephone listing has been sold to them, and every single number put in their rotary dialing system, and it lands on mine about four, sometimes five times a day.
It’s a little past nine in the morning, and picking up the phone to answer it., I was expecting my wife or daughter in law to ask about my granddaughter whom I was minding for the day because she was too ill to go to school.
The dead giveaway it’s either a scammer on someone on an information fishing expecdition., is the momentary silence followed by a clicking sound, a few more seconds silence and then the Indian salesman-woman/scammer, call him or her what you like.
Yesterday it was solar panels. Got them.
Or external shutters for windows. Got them too.
Or my house needs aluminum cladding, more than likely the same stuff that burns dangerously as it had in London. Just got the outside done, but not with cladding.
You ask what are they selling, They, in barely understandable singsong English that I can barely hear let alone understand, tell you ‘nothing’, but then immediately launch into the spiel about the government rebate on solar panels, and I’d better get in quick.
No, definitely not a sales call.
Pity they didn’t redirect one of their government’s satellites and check to see if I have panels first.
There are others, pet insurance, death insurance, cars, holidays, house appraisals.
Yes, I definitely need to spend upwards of a hundred thousand dollars to fix my roof with is imminently going to fall, even though there’s nothing wrong with it.
Apparently, the day after I turned 65, I became a total idiot.
Hald an hour later, I was being reminded of the accident I had, don’t you remember. Lately, I’ve taken to saying I’ve had about twenty and they have to be more specific.
I hate it when they immediately hang up and I can’t torture them some more.
Several hours after that Telstra, one of the largest communications companies in this country rings up to tell me they’re cutting me off from the rest of the world over this unpaid bill.
Since I don’t use them for anything, I tell them please do.
Then it’s the turn of the NBN to tell me that they’re cutting off my internet as if that would make a difference in this place. I’ve got better speeds using an 1800 baud modem.
A recorded message by a person who speaks perfect English. Wow! The scammers must have got sick of the verbal abuse and everyone hanging up in their ear.
Oh, did I forget the people from Microsoft who tell me my computer is reporting it is infected and they need to fix it? I pass this call to my middle granddaughter who torments them until they realize they’ve been scammed and hang up.
But, as for today, and my first call…
I got annoyed, and asked them rather abruptly what they wanted, and then got abused for being rude.
Then don’t goddamn call me, scammers, liars, thieves, and crooks, and I won’t.