Tag: Creative Writing

The story behind the story – Echoes from the Past

The novel ‘Echoes from the Past’ started out as a short story I wrote about 30 years ago, titled ‘The Birthday’.

My idea was to take a normal person out of their comfort zone and led on a short but very frightening journey to a place where a surprise birthday party had been arranged.

Thus, the very large man with a scar and a red tie was created.

So was the friend with the limousine who worked as a pilot.

So were the two women, Wendy and Angelina, who were Flight Attendants that the pilot friend asked to join the conspiracy.

I was going to rework the short story, then about ten pages long, into something a little more.

And like all rewrites, especially those I have anything to do with, it turned into a novel.

There was motivation.  I had told some colleagues at the place where I worked at the time that I liked writing, and they wanted a sample.  I was going to give them the re-worked short story.  Instead, I gave them ‘Echoes from the past’

Originally, it was not set anywhere in particular.

But when considering a location, I had, at the time, recently been to New York in December, and visited Brooklyn and Queens, as well as a lot of New York itself.  We were there for New Year’s, and it was an experience I’ll never forget.

One evening, we were out late and finished up in Brooklyn Heights, near the waterfront, and there was rain and snow; it was cold and wet, and apartment buildings were shimmering in the street light, and I thought, “This is the place where my main character will live”.

It had a very spooky atmosphere, the sort where ghosts would not be unexpected.  I felt more than one shiver go up and down my spine in the few minutes I was there.

I had taken notes, as I always do, of everywhere we went, so I had a ready supply of locations I could use, changing the names in some cases.

Fifth Avenue near the Rockefeller Centre is amazing at first light, and late at night with the Seasonal decorations and lights.

The original main character was a shy man with few friends, hence not expecting the surprise party.  I enhanced that shyness into purposely lonely because of an issue from his past that leaves him always looking over his shoulder and ready to move on at the slightest hint of trouble.  No friends, no relationships, just a very low profile.

Then I thought, what if he breaks the cardinal rule and begins a relationship?

But it is also as much an exploration of a damaged soul as it is the search for a normal life, without having any idea what normal was, and how the understanding of one person can sometimes make all the difference in what we may think or feel.

And, of course, I wanted a happy ending.

Except for the bad guys.

…

Get it here:  https://amzn.to/2CYKxu4

newechocover5rs

The story behind the story – Echoes from the Past

The novel ‘Echoes from the Past’ started out as a short story I wrote about 30 years ago, titled ‘The Birthday’.

My idea was to take a normal person out of their comfort zone and led on a short but very frightening journey to a place where a surprise birthday party had been arranged.

Thus, the very large man with a scar and a red tie was created.

So was the friend with the limousine who worked as a pilot.

So were the two women, Wendy and Angelina, who were Flight Attendants that the pilot friend asked to join the conspiracy.

I was going to rework the short story, then about ten pages long, into something a little more.

And like all rewrites, especially those I have anything to do with, it turned into a novel.

There was motivation.  I had told some colleagues at the place where I worked at the time that I liked writing, and they wanted a sample.  I was going to give them the re-worked short story.  Instead, I gave them ‘Echoes from the past’

Originally, it was not set anywhere in particular.

But when considering a location, I had, at the time, recently been to New York in December, and visited Brooklyn and Queens, as well as a lot of New York itself.  We were there for New Year’s, and it was an experience I’ll never forget.

One evening, we were out late and finished up in Brooklyn Heights, near the waterfront, and there was rain and snow; it was cold and wet, and apartment buildings were shimmering in the street light, and I thought, “This is the place where my main character will live”.

It had a very spooky atmosphere, the sort where ghosts would not be unexpected.  I felt more than one shiver go up and down my spine in the few minutes I was there.

I had taken notes, as I always do, of everywhere we went, so I had a ready supply of locations I could use, changing the names in some cases.

Fifth Avenue near the Rockefeller Centre is amazing at first light, and late at night with the Seasonal decorations and lights.

The original main character was a shy man with few friends, hence not expecting the surprise party.  I enhanced that shyness into purposely lonely because of an issue from his past that leaves him always looking over his shoulder and ready to move on at the slightest hint of trouble.  No friends, no relationships, just a very low profile.

Then I thought, what if he breaks the cardinal rule and begins a relationship?

But it is also as much an exploration of a damaged soul as it is the search for a normal life, without having any idea what normal was, and how the understanding of one person can sometimes make all the difference in what we may think or feel.

And, of course, I wanted a happy ending.

Except for the bad guys.

…

Get it here:  https://amzn.to/2CYKxu4

newechocover5rs

In a word: Good

There is a TV show on at the moment called ‘The Good Place’.

It’s really the bad place which makes you wonder if there really is a ‘good place’.

This started me thinking.

How many people do you know, when you ask them how they are, they say ‘good’?

Can we see behind the facade that is their expression and see how they really feel?

Quite often, not.  It is sometimes amazing just how good people are at hiding their true feelings.

And, thinking about that, how many of us reveal our true feelings?

It seems to me there is an acceptable level of understanding that we take people at their word and move on from there.

How many times when we suspect there is something wrong, we tend to overlook it in what is regarded as respect for that person?

What if something awful happened?

What if we could have prevented it?

What if we could have tried to gently probe deeper?

The problem is we seem to be too polite and there is nothing wrong with that.

But maybe, just maybe, the next time …

It’s just a thought.

 

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 259

Day 259 – How to approximate spoken language

…

How to Approximate Spoken Language in Fiction – A Practical Guide Using James Kelman’s Novels

Meta Description: Learn to capture the rhythm, tone, and authenticity of real speech in your writing. This step‑by‑step guide uses James Kelman’s groundbreaking novels as a live case study, with SEO‑friendly tips for mastering spoken language on the page.

Introduction

When a reader opens a novel, the most immediate test of its credibility is the dialogue. Does it sound like a casual conversation you might overhear at a pub, or does it feel like a rehearsed script? Approximating spoken language—the art of making prose sound like real speech—adds immediacy, personality, and cultural texture to fiction.

One author who has turned this technique into a literary trademark is James Kelman, the Scottish Booker‑prize‑winning novelist known for his unapologetically raw, Glaswegian voice. Kelman’s work is a masterclass in how to translate the cadences, slang, and interruptions of everyday talk into page‑bound narrative without sacrificing readability.

In this post we’ll break down:

  • The why behind mimicking spoken language.
  • The common pitfalls that can turn authentic dialogue into unreadable gibberish.
  • Kelman’s toolkit—the specific techniques he uses to make his prose feel like a live conversation.
  • A step‑by‑step workflow you can apply to your own manuscript.

By the end, you’ll have a concrete, SEO‑friendly roadmap for writing dialogue that sounds like it’s being spoken right now—just like Kelman’s characters.

1. Why Approximate Spoken Language?

BenefitExplanationSEO Keywords
AuthenticityReaders instantly trust characters whose speech matches the social setting they belong to.authentic dialogue, realistic speech
Voice & IdentityDialect, rhythm, and filler words give each character a distinct fingerprint.character voice, literary dialect
ImmersionReal‑time speech creates an “in‑the‑room” sensation, deepening narrative immersion.immersive storytelling, natural speech in fiction
Cultural ContextLanguage is a cultural artifact; capturing it grounds the story in a specific place and time.regional dialects, Scottish speech

In short, approximating spoken language bridges the gap between reader and character, turning passive consumption into an active, almost conversational experience.

2. The Challenges of Writing “Real” Speech

Even though we all speak every day, transcribing that experience into text is a delicate balancing act. Here are the three biggest hurdles:

  1. Clarity vs. Verisimilitude – Raw speech includes false starts, repetitions, and unfinished thoughts. Too much of this can obscure the plot.
  2. Readability – Over‑use of slang or non‑standard spelling can alienate readers unfamiliar with the dialect.
  3. Pacing – Dialogue that mimics spoken rhythm can affect the overall pacing of a scene.

Understanding these challenges helps you apply Kelman’s solutions rather than reinventing the wheel.

3. James Kelman: A Case Study in Spoken‑Language Approximation

3.1. Who is James Kelman?

  • Born: 1946, Glasgow, Scotland
  • Major Works: How Late It Was, How Late (1994), The Busconductor (1985), A Disappearing Number (1995)
  • Accolades: Booker Prize (1994) for How Late It Was, How Late

Kelman grew up speaking Glaswegian, a working‑class Scottish dialect that is often dismissed as “unintelligible” outside its region. Instead of sanitizing it, Kelman preserves its rough edges, using the dialect as a political tool to amplify working‑class voices.

3.2. Core Techniques Kelman Employs

TechniqueDescriptionExample (from How Late It Was, How Late)
Stream‑of‑Consciousness PunctuationMinimal punctuation, long run‑on sentences that simulate thought flow.“I’m trying to get them, but I’m badly sorry for being slightly at a loss. I ain’t anything but a brain‑and‑stupid little bit for later.”
Dialect‑Specific LexiconKeeps authentic vocabulary, e.g., “wee,” “bairn,” “gonnae.”“He was a wee lad, aye, and kept sayin’ I’m out o’ work.”
Ellipsis & PausesUses “…” and commas sparingly to hint at breathes and hesitation.“…and then I… I’m not sure whether you seen him.”
Delete Excess ‘Editing’No quotation marks in many passages; dialogue bleeds into narration.He said he was angry, but I could see he was scared too.
Repetition & StutteringMimics common speech patterns (e.g., “I… I don’t know”).“I’m not— I’m not sure what you’re gettin’ at.”

These choices make the reader hear the speaker’s voice while still being able to follow the narrative thread.

4. Step‑by‑Step Guide: How to Approximate Spoken Language in Your Own Writing

4.1. Listen First – Build an Auditory Archive

  1. Eavesdrop (ethically!). Sit in a café, a bus, or a community center and note how people start, stop, and finish sentences.
  2. Record & Transcribe. Use a phone recorder for 2‑minute conversations (with permission) and transcribe them verbatim.
  3. Identify Patterns. Look for:
    • Common fillers: “uh,” “you know,” “like”
    • Sentence truncations: “I was thinking… maybe we should…”
    • Regionalisms: “y’all,” “aye,” “bairn”

SEO tip: Create a searchable spreadsheet titled “spoken‑language‑archive” and tag each entry with dialect, filler, rhythm—later you can reference this in future blog posts or FAQs.

4.2. Choose the Right Level of Realism

Realism LevelWhen to UseHow to Implement
High (verbatim speech)Short scenes, comedic effect, authenticity-critical (e.g., a Glasgow bar).Keep most fillers, false starts, and dialect.
Medium (filtered speech)Main narrative scenes where clarity is essential.Trim excess filler, keep a few dialect words for flavor.
Low (stylized speech)Exposition or “high‑concept” dialogue where pacing is crucial.Use clean, concise sentences; sprinkle occasional colloquialism.

4.3. Draft the Dialogue in “Speech‑First” Mode

  1. Write as you would speak. Forget about punctuation for a moment; just get the words down.
  2. Read aloud. If it feels unnatural, adjust.
  3. Mark pauses & interruptions using placeholders: ... for breath, — for abrupt stops.

Example:

Original draft: “I think we should— actually, never mind, you know what I mean, right?”
Speech‑first: “I think we should… actually, never mind—you know what I mean, right?”

4.4. Apply Kelman‑Inspired Formatting

Kelman TechniqueHow to Use ItWhen to Tighten
Minimal punctuationDrop unnecessary commas or hyphens; allow thoughts to run together.In internal monologues or stream‑of‑consciousness.
No quotation marksUse italics or simply integrate speech into narration.When you want a blurred line between thought and speech (e.g., a character’s inner voice).
Dialect spelling sparinglySpell only the most distinctive words (“wee,” “bairn”). Keep the rest standard to aid readability.In dialogue tags or descriptive beats.
Ellipsis for hesitationUse … to replace “um,” “uh,” or thinking pauses.In moments of uncertainty or tension.

Tip: Run a readability test (Flesch‑Kincaid) after applying these changes. If the score drops dramatically, re‑introduce a few commas or full stops for balance.

4.5. Edit for Clarity—Never for “Correctness”

  1. Strip redundant filler that adds no character insight.
  2. Preserve purposeful slang that signals class, region, or age.
  3. Check for comprehension by reading the scene to someone unfamiliar with the dialect; if they can follow the gist, you’ve succeeded.

4.6. Polish with Narrative Integration

  • Blend speech and description to keep the scene moving.
  • Show, don’t tell – let a character’s accent reveal their background without explicit exposition.

Example (Kelman‑style):

“Aye, it’s a cold night,” I muttered, fingers digging into the pocket of my tattered coat, the wool biting my skin like a cheap reminder of the factory’s heat.

5. Practical Exercises (Try Them Now)

ExerciseGoalTime Commitment
1. “One‑Minute Monologue”Capture a single character’s voice in 150 words.10 min
2. “Dialect Swap”Rewrite a famous literary dialogue (e.g., from Pride and Prejudice) using a modern regional dialect of your choice.20 min
3. “Ellipsis Audit”Take a 500‑word scene and replace every um/uh with an ellipsis or dash.15 min
4. “Kelman‑Style Paraphrase”Choose a paragraph from a novel and rewrite it using minimal punctuation and no quotation marks, emulating Kelman’s style.20 min

Document your results in a blog post series titled “Learning Spoken Language with [Your Name]”. Not only does this create shareable content (great for SEO), it also provides a portfolio of your evolving craft.

6. Common Mistakes & How to Fix Them

MistakeWhy It HappensFix
Over‑dialectizing – Every word is spelled phonetically.Fear of “not sounding authentic enough.”Keep dialect to key lexical items, leave the rest in standard spelling.
Long, unpunctuated walls of textTrying too hard to mimic stream‑of‑consciousness.Insert strategic line breaks and occasional punctuation for breath.
Using slang that dates the textRelying on trends that may become obsolete.Favor timeless regional terms (e.g., “wee” vs. “lit”).
Inconsistent voice between charactersNot tracking each character’s unique speech patterns.Build a voice sheet: list each character’s filler words, dialect markers, and rhythm.

7. SEO Checklist – Making Your Post Discoverable

ElementAction
Primary Keyword“approximate spoken language” – use in title, first paragraph, H2, and once in the conclusion.
Secondary Keywords“James Kelman dialogue,” “realistic speech in fiction,” “dialect in literature,” “writing natural dialogue.”
Meta Description≤ 155 characters, include primary keyword.
Header TagsH1 (title), H2 for each major section, H3 for sub‑points.
Internal LinksLink to related posts: “How to Write Authentic Dialect,” “Top 5 Authors Who Use Real Speech.”
External LinksCite a reputable source on Kelman (e.g., The Booker Prize page) and a linguistic article on spoken‑language transcription.
ImagesAdd a royalty‑free photo of a Glasgow street scene, alt‑text: “Glasgow backdrop illustrating James Kelman’s dialect.”
ReadabilityAim for Flesch‑Kincaid grade 8–10; use short sentences for instructions, longer for analysis.
Social SnippetsCreate a tweetable quote: “Kelman’s dialogue reads like a live recording—learn how to make your characters speak like real people.”

8. Conclusion

Approximating spoken language isn’t about reproducing every “uh” and “like” that crosses our lips. It’s a strategic craft that balances authenticity with narrative clarity. James Kelman shows us that dialect, rhythm, and minimal punctuation can turn ordinary prose into an audible experience that resonates with readers on a visceral level.

By listening first, choosing the right realism level, drafting in speech‑first mode, and polishing with purposeful formatting, you’ll be able to write dialogue that feels as natural as the conversations happening right now—maybe even on the street outside the café where you’re writing.

Ready to let your characters speak? Grab your notebook, hit the streets, and start transcribing the world’s endless chorus of voices. Your readers (and search engines) will thank you.

Quick Reference: 5‑Step Cheat Sheet

  1. Listen & Record – Build an audio archive of real speech.
  2. Identify Patterns – Note fillers, pauses, regional words.
  3. Draft “Speech‑First” – Write like you talk, then read aloud.
  4. Apply Kelman Techniques – Minimal punctuation, selective dialect, ellipsis for hesitation.
  5. Edit for Clarity – Trim unnecessary filler, ensure readability, test with an unfamiliar reader.

Use this cheat sheet whenever you start a new dialogue‑heavy scene, and watch your characters come alive with the authentic, spoken timbre that only a few modern writers dare to master.

Happy writing, and may your prose always sound as if it’s being spoken in the moment!

…

The story behind the story – Echoes from the Past

The novel ‘Echoes from the Past’ started out as a short story I wrote about 30 years ago, titled ‘The Birthday’.

My idea was to take a normal person out of their comfort zone and led on a short but very frightening journey to a place where a surprise birthday party had been arranged.

Thus, the very large man with a scar and a red tie was created.

So was the friend with the limousine who worked as a pilot.

So were the two women, Wendy and Angelina, who were Flight Attendants that the pilot friend asked to join the conspiracy.

I was going to rework the short story, then about ten pages long, into something a little more.

And like all rewrites, especially those I have anything to do with, it turned into a novel.

There was motivation.  I had told some colleagues at the place where I worked at the time that I liked writing, and they wanted a sample.  I was going to give them the re-worked short story.  Instead, I gave them ‘Echoes from the past’

Originally, it was not set anywhere in particular.

But when considering a location, I had, at the time, recently been to New York in December, and visited Brooklyn and Queens, as well as a lot of New York itself.  We were there for New Year’s, and it was an experience I’ll never forget.

One evening, we were out late and finished up in Brooklyn Heights, near the waterfront, and there was rain and snow; it was cold and wet, and apartment buildings were shimmering in the street light, and I thought, “This is the place where my main character will live”.

It had a very spooky atmosphere, the sort where ghosts would not be unexpected.  I felt more than one shiver go up and down my spine in the few minutes I was there.

I had taken notes, as I always do, of everywhere we went, so I had a ready supply of locations I could use, changing the names in some cases.

Fifth Avenue near the Rockefeller Centre is amazing at first light, and late at night with the Seasonal decorations and lights.

The original main character was a shy man with few friends, hence not expecting the surprise party.  I enhanced that shyness into purposely lonely because of an issue from his past that leaves him always looking over his shoulder and ready to move on at the slightest hint of trouble.  No friends, no relationships, just a very low profile.

Then I thought, what if he breaks the cardinal rule and begins a relationship?

But it is also as much an exploration of a damaged soul as it is the search for a normal life, without having any idea what normal was, and how the understanding of one person can sometimes make all the difference in what we may think or feel.

And, of course, I wanted a happy ending.

Except for the bad guys.

…

Get it here:  https://amzn.to/2CYKxu4

newechocover5rs

The story behind the story – Echoes from the Past

The novel ‘Echoes from the Past’ started out as a short story I wrote about 30 years ago, titled ‘The Birthday’.

My idea was to take a normal person out of their comfort zone and led on a short but very frightening journey to a place where a surprise birthday party had been arranged.

Thus, the very large man with a scar and a red tie was created.

So was the friend with the limousine who worked as a pilot.

So were the two women, Wendy and Angelina, who were Flight Attendants that the pilot friend asked to join the conspiracy.

I was going to rework the short story, then about ten pages long, into something a little more.

And like all rewrites, especially those I have anything to do with, it turned into a novel.

There was motivation.  I had told some colleagues at the place where I worked at the time that I liked writing, and they wanted a sample.  I was going to give them the re-worked short story.  Instead, I gave them ‘Echoes from the past’

Originally, it was not set anywhere in particular.

But when considering a location, I had, at the time, recently been to New York in December, and visited Brooklyn and Queens, as well as a lot of New York itself.  We were there for New Year’s, and it was an experience I’ll never forget.

One evening, we were out late and finished up in Brooklyn Heights, near the waterfront, and there was rain and snow; it was cold and wet, and apartment buildings were shimmering in the street light, and I thought, “This is the place where my main character will live”.

It had a very spooky atmosphere, the sort where ghosts would not be unexpected.  I felt more than one shiver go up and down my spine in the few minutes I was there.

I had taken notes, as I always do, of everywhere we went, so I had a ready supply of locations I could use, changing the names in some cases.

Fifth Avenue near the Rockefeller Centre is amazing at first light, and late at night with the Seasonal decorations and lights.

The original main character was a shy man with few friends, hence not expecting the surprise party.  I enhanced that shyness into purposely lonely because of an issue from his past that leaves him always looking over his shoulder and ready to move on at the slightest hint of trouble.  No friends, no relationships, just a very low profile.

Then I thought, what if he breaks the cardinal rule and begins a relationship?

But it is also as much an exploration of a damaged soul as it is the search for a normal life, without having any idea what normal was, and how the understanding of one person can sometimes make all the difference in what we may think or feel.

And, of course, I wanted a happy ending.

Except for the bad guys.

…

Get it here:  https://amzn.to/2CYKxu4

newechocover5rs

The story behind the story – Echoes from the Past

The novel ‘Echoes from the Past’ started out as a short story I wrote about 30 years ago, titled ‘The Birthday’.

My idea was to take a normal person out of their comfort zone and led on a short but very frightening journey to a place where a surprise birthday party had been arranged.

Thus, the very large man with a scar and a red tie was created.

So was the friend with the limousine who worked as a pilot.

So were the two women, Wendy and Angelina, who were Flight Attendants that the pilot friend asked to join the conspiracy.

I was going to rework the short story, then about ten pages long, into something a little more.

And like all rewrites, especially those I have anything to do with, it turned into a novel.

There was motivation.  I had told some colleagues at the place where I worked at the time that I liked writing, and they wanted a sample.  I was going to give them the re-worked short story.  Instead, I gave them ‘Echoes from the past’

Originally, it was not set anywhere in particular.

But when considering a location, I had, at the time, recently been to New York in December, and visited Brooklyn and Queens, as well as a lot of New York itself.  We were there for New Year’s, and it was an experience I’ll never forget.

One evening, we were out late and finished up in Brooklyn Heights, near the waterfront, and there was rain and snow; it was cold and wet, and apartment buildings were shimmering in the street light, and I thought, “This is the place where my main character will live”.

It had a very spooky atmosphere, the sort where ghosts would not be unexpected.  I felt more than one shiver go up and down my spine in the few minutes I was there.

I had taken notes, as I always do, of everywhere we went, so I had a ready supply of locations I could use, changing the names in some cases.

Fifth Avenue near the Rockefeller Centre is amazing at first light, and late at night with the Seasonal decorations and lights.

The original main character was a shy man with few friends, hence not expecting the surprise party.  I enhanced that shyness into purposely lonely because of an issue from his past that leaves him always looking over his shoulder and ready to move on at the slightest hint of trouble.  No friends, no relationships, just a very low profile.

Then I thought, what if he breaks the cardinal rule and begins a relationship?

But it is also as much an exploration of a damaged soul as it is the search for a normal life, without having any idea what normal was, and how the understanding of one person can sometimes make all the difference in what we may think or feel.

And, of course, I wanted a happy ending.

Except for the bad guys.

…

Get it here:  https://amzn.to/2CYKxu4

newechocover5rs

In a word: Happy

“I’m happy to be being here.”

Yes, I actually heard that answer given in a television interview, and thought, at the time, it was a quaint expression.

But in reality, this was a person for whom English was a second language, and that was, quite literally, their translation from their language to English.

Suffice to say, that person was not happy when lost the event she was participating in.

But that particular memory was triggered by another event.

Someone asked me how happy I was.

Happy is another of those words like good, thrown around like a rag doll, used without consequence, or regard for its true meaning.

“After everything that’s happened, you should be the happiest man alive!”

I’m happy.

I should be, to them.

A real friend might also say, “Are you sure, you don’t look happy.”

I hesitate but say, “Sure.  I woke up with a headache,” or some other lame reason.

But, in reality, I’m not ‘happy’.  Convention says that we should be happy if everything is going well.  In my case, it is, to a certain extent, but it is what’s happening within that’s the problem.  We say it because people expect it.

I find there is no use complaining because no one will listen, and definitely, no one likes serial complainers.

True.

But somewhere in all those complaints will be the truth, the one item that is bugging us.

It is a case of whether we are prepared to listen.  Really listen.

And not necessarily take people at their word.

 

The 2am Rant: It’s market day…

These donuts are whole, with jam injected into them and are delicious.  You cannot stop at one, which is why you get five.

They are like the donuts I used to get from the Dandenong market when I was a child.  Back then, nearly 60 years ago, I used to go every Tuesday to get fruit and vegetables, and sometimes clothes, because there were other stalls selling useful household items.

Back then we used to get donuts, and for a long time, I had never managed to get back when the market was open to relive those childhood memories.

This trip we do.

The Dandenong Market had changed considerably since the last time I remember it.  The building where my eldest son used to play basketball has been turned into a market for meat, fish, and food stalls.

It has grown to be about ten times the size it used to be, making it seem like a difficult task to find the donut van, but we entered by the right entrance, and there it was.

And the donuts?

They were exactly as I remembered.

While we’re in the area, we also made a trip to the Springvale market.  When I lived in Victoria, there was no such market; this had only been around since the immigrant Vietnamese have made their home in Springvale, and in places, it reminds you of similar markets in Singapore, Hong Kong, or China.

It was a fascinating half-hour of wandering around, almost feeling like you are somewhere in Southeast Asia.

With markets like these, who would really need a supermarket?  And a bonus?  The street food.

The 2am Rant: How about this for a plotline?

No matter how hard you try, how seamless, on paper the plan is, the odds are something will go wrong. That is not to say I am a fatalist, or a glass half empty kind of traveler, because most of the trips I have planned, and taken, have been relatively painless.

Except our good luck had to finally run out.

It was not a matter of bad planning; it was just one of those times when events didn’t quite go according to plan. It happens.

For instance, the simple objective was to get from Brisbane in Australia to Florence in Italy. There is no direct flight. Booking on an airline site is a horrendous experience, fares are ridiculously high, and there is no accommodating stopovers.

This is a trip that only a travel agent can handle.

The objective, travel to London via Hong Kong, or Singapore, or any medium distant airport, then on to London, or Paris, or where-ever, then to Florence. No overnight stopover, staying in a hotel, not this time, in either of Hong Kong or London.

Simple.

Not.

It was as horrendous for the agent as it was navigating the airline’s internet site. It was not something that could be done, sitting opposite her as she deftly navigated the highways and byways of the travel system on her computer. This was a longer, more intricate job.

Two days later she had the solution for the Brisbane, Hong Kong, London, and thence Florence trip. It would require a stay of 10 hours in Hong Kong, the connections didn’t align according to price constraints, and then a 14 hour layover in London as flights to Florence were not aligned either. All well and good. Cathay Pacific for the trip to London and Vueling Airlines for the Florence leg. At least we would arrive in Florence at a reasonable hour, about 6pm.

On paper, it was the most practical solution in the circumstances.

Reality proved it to be something else entirely.

At Brisbane airport, we were given boarding passes for the flights through to London, but by some quirk of fate had our baggage checked through to Florence. How this could be done without boarding passes for the London to Florence flight was a surprise. Back in Brisbane, the check-in person told us she could not give us a boarding pass for the London to Florence leg because the system would not issue it. We could she said, get it easy enough when we arrived in London.

The first leg went smoothly enough, though we did not realize until we got on the plane that it stopped over in Cairns for an hour or so. This was not a problem, just made the time between Brisbane and Hong Kong longer than we anticipated.

In Hong Kong, we had no trouble getting into the lounge I’d booked. The problem came with the interpretation of using the bathroom facilities, and it took several hours before we finally realized that the bathroom facilities were not part of the lounge but operated independently and you had to book your place. By that time there were a large number of people ahead of us (who obviously knew the problems associated with these facilities) and it annoyed me that the lounge staff did not mention it when we arrived.

The Hong Kong to London leg was as all long haul flights are. We knew what to expect, and arrived in London around 6 am. We arrived at terminal three and the lounge we’d booked was in terminal three. All we needed was a boarding pass to get in.

Oops.

That was not the case.

Because we could not get back into terminal three without a forward boarding pass we had to exit and go through customs and immigration. We were told that the only way to get a boarding pass for the Florence flight was to go to the airline counter.

The problem was Vueling did not have an airline counter.

This is where tempers started to flare. 7:30 in the morning, no means of getting into the lounge which we had paid a lot on money for, and no one in the terminal being helpful.

The Vueling web site was impossible to use.

The telephone number rang out.

At this point, I was beginning to believe the airline didn’t exist and we had been ripped off.

Only by a quirk of fate, reading the departures board, did I see a flight for Vueling leaving at 10 am, with the check-in counter displayed.

By this time we had spent two very frustrating hours and I was nothing short of angry.
At the gate, the head of the check-in counter, a representative of Vueling was surprised we had any problems, particularly in Brisbane, but happily issued the boarding passes.

When we mentioned the baggage she advised us it was lucky we did, otherwise it would have gone missing. She took the tag numbers and sorted that problem out.

The airline, it seems, is well respected, and based on the service I received, I had to say I agreed

The problem was back in Brisbane with an inexperienced check in person.

There was only one problem in getting to the lounge, now four hours later than we had advised, the fact we had to go back through customs, and in doing so, the duty-free that we had brought from Hong Kong was now outside the limits allowed, and the customs staff were adamant despite the circumstances we could not take it with us. $400 worth of goods finished up in the bin.

It would be true to say that day the customs staff at Heathrow were not the best ambassadors for their country, and one, in particular, would be best doing service elsewhere where human contact was not a requirement. As for the others, they were as helpful as they could be, but rules unfortunately were rules.

At last, rather distressed over the duty-free, and the lateness of our arrival at the lounge, there was no possibility of getting a short sleep before going to Florence. At least we did not have the same problems using the bathroom facilities, our room I’d book had them included in the room.

We rested, and figured nothing else could go wrong.

Not. Again!

The plane was advertised to leave London at about 3 pm. We left the lounge expecting to get to the gate on time. We checked on the departure board for the flight to get the gate number, only to see a notice ‘delayed’. When that delay passed 5 pm, two hours later, we decided to go to the counter and find out what was happening.

Only to find there was no airline counter. Again!

We asked at least a dozen people, including the special helpers the airport who there is plenty of signage to say to go to if you have a problem, but not one of them knew where the counter was or who was looking after the affairs of the airline. By this time other irate passengers of the delayed flight were massing, also seeking answers. One discovered who the agent was, and we descended on the counter as a large group.

The first person I saw at the counter was the woman who had checked us in that morning. For her, it had been a long day, and it was getting longer.

The problem, the plane had been delayed on an earlier leg, yes it would be arriving, having just left the lat airport, and we would be embarking about 7:30. For our trouble, we got a meal voucher, and at least we could have a reasonably good dinner.

The plane arrived, we embarked, the service was good and the people on board as cheerful as they could be given the delays and the discontented passengers.

We arrived in Florence just before midnight, our driver to take us to the hotel was waiting for us, and the hotel upgraded us to a very nice room.

All in all a harrowing journey, but at the end, basically a six-hour delay, and two very tired, but happy people. And we were in Florence, in summer. What more could anyone want?