Top 5 sights on the road less travelled – Sofia

Discovering the Hidden Gems of Sofia: 5 Off-the-Beaten-Path Experiences

Sofia, the vibrant capital of Bulgaria, is a city that seamlessly blends ancient history, cultural richness, and modern charm. While many tourists flock to the city’s iconic landmarks like the Alexander Nevsky Cathedral and the Ivan Vazov National Theatre, there’s a treasure trove of lesser-known experiences waiting to be uncovered. In this blog post, we’ll take you on a journey to explore the top five alternative things to do in Sofia, venturing off the beaten path to reveal the city’s best-kept secrets.

1. Explore the Sofia Central Market (Halite) for a Taste of Local Life

Tucked away in the heart of the city, the Sofia Central Market is a bustling hub of activity that’s often overlooked by tourists. This historic marketplace has been in operation since 1909 and offers a fascinating glimpse into local life. Wander through the stalls, sampling traditional Bulgarian delicacies like banitsa, shopska salad, and lukanka, while soaking up the lively atmosphere. From fresh produce to handicrafts, the market is a treasure trove of authentic Bulgarian culture.

2. Visit the Museum of Socialist Art for a Unique Glimpse into Bulgaria’s Past

Located in a quiet neighbourhood, the Museum of Socialist Art is a quirky and fascinating museum that showcases a collection of artworks from Bulgaria’s socialist era. With over 70 artifacts, including sculptures, paintings, and mosaics, the museum provides a thought-provoking insight into the country’s complex history. The museum’s outdoor sculpture park is particularly noteworthy, featuring an impressive array of monumental socialist-realist artworks.

3. Take a Stroll through the Borisova Gradina Park and Lake

Escape the hustle and bustle of city life with a leisurely walk through the beautiful Borisova Gradina Park, one of Sofia’s largest and most scenic green spaces. The park is home to several lakes, walking trails, and plenty of picnic spots, making it an ideal spot to relax and unwind. Rent a boat and enjoy a serene ride on the lake, or visit the park’s charming restaurants and cafes to sample some delicious Bulgarian cuisine.

4. Discover Street Art in the Oborishte Neighbourhood

Sofia’s Oborishte neighbourhood is a hotspot for street art, with vibrant murals and graffiti adorning the walls of buildings and fences. Take a self-guided walking tour to explore the area’s eclectic mix of urban art, which reflects the city’s modern, creative spirit. From quirky portraits to thought-provoking social commentary, the street art in Oborishte is a must-see for anyone interested in contemporary culture.

5. Attend a Performance at the Sofia Opera and Ballet

While the Ivan Vazov National Theatre is well-known, the Sofia Opera and Ballet is another cultural gem that’s often overlooked by tourists. With a rich history dating back to 1890, the opera house hosts a diverse range of performances, from classical operas to contemporary ballet productions. Even if you’re not an opera or ballet enthusiast, the stunning architecture and ornate interior of the building make it worth a visit.

In conclusion, Sofia is a city that rewards exploration and curiosity. By venturing off the beaten path, you’ll discover a treasure trove of unique experiences, from bustling markets and quirky museums to scenic parks and vibrant street art. Whether you’re a history buff, a foodie, or an art lover, Sofia has something to offer, and with this guide, you’ll be well on your way to uncovering the city’s best-kept secrets. So why not take the road less travelled and discover the real Sofia?

Another excerpt from ‘Betrayal’; a work in progress

My next destination in the quest was the hotel we believed Anne Merriweather had stayed at.

I was, in a sense, flying blind because we had no concrete evidence she had been there, and the message she had left behind didn’t quite name the hotel or where Vladimir was going to take her.

Mindful of the fact that someone might have been following me, I checked to see if the person I’d assumed had followed me to Elizabeth’s apartment was still in place, but I couldn’t see him. Next, I made a mental note of seven different candidates and committed them to memory.

Then I set off to the hotel, hailing a taxi. There was the possibility that the cab driver was one of them, but perhaps I was slightly more paranoid than I should be. I’d been watching the queue, and there were two others before me.

The journey took about an hour, during which time I kept an eye out the back to see if anyone had been following us. If anyone was, I couldn’t see them.

I had the cab drop me off a block from the hotel and then spent the next hour doing a complete circuit of the block the hotel was on, checking the front and rear entrances, the cameras in place, and the siting of the driveway into the underground carpark. There was a camera over the entrance, and one we hadn’t checked for footage. I sent a text message to Fritz to look into it.

The hotel lobby was large and busy, which was exactly what you’d want if you wanted to come and go without standing out. It would be different later at night, but I could see her arriving about mid-afternoon, and anonymous among the clientele the hotel attracted.

I spent an hour sitting in various positions in the lobby simply observing. I had already ascertained where the elevator lobby for the rooms was, and the elevator down to the car park. Fortunately, it was not ‘guarded’, but there was a steady stream of concierge staff coming and going to the lower levels, and, just from time to time, guests.

Then, when there was a commotion at the front door, what seemed to be a collision of guests and free-wheeling bags, I saw one of the seven potential taggers sitting by the front door. Waiting for me to leave? Or were they wondering why I was spending so much time there?

Taking advantage of that confusion, I picked my moment to head for the elevators that went down to the car park, pressed the down button, and waited.

There was no car on the ground level, so I had to wait, watching, like several others, the guests untangling themselves at the entrance, and keeping an eye on my potential surveillance, still absorbed in the confusion.

The doors to the left car opened, and a concierge stepped out, gave me a quick look, then headed back to his desk. I stepped into the car, pressed the first level down, the level I expected cars to arrive on, and waited what seemed like a long time for the doors to close.

As they did, I was expecting to see a hand poke through the gap, a latecomer. Nothing happened, and I put it down to a television moment.

There were three basement levels, and for a moment, I let my imagination run wild and considered the possibility that there were more levels. Of course, there was no indication on the control panel that there were any other floors, and I’d yet to see anything like it in reality.

With a shake of my head to return to reality, the car arrived, the doors opened, and I stepped out.

A car pulled up, and the driver stepped out, went around to the rear of his car, and pulled out a case. I half expected him to throw me the keys, but the instant glance he gave me told him he was not the concierge, and instead he brushed past me like I wasn’t there.

He bashed the up button several times impatiently and cursed when the doors didn’t open immediately. Not a happy man.

Another car drove past on its way down to a lower level.

I looked up and saw the CCTV camera, pointing towards the entrance, visible in the distance. A gate that lifted up was just about back in position, then clunked when it finally closed. The footage from the camera would not prove much, even if it had been working, because it didn’t cover the lift lobby, only what was in the direction of the car entrance.

The doors to the other elevator car opened, and a man in a suit stepped out.

“Can I help you, sir? You seem lost.”

Security, or something else. “It seems that way. I went to the elevator lobby, got in, and it went down rather than up. I must have been in the wrong place.”

“Lost it is, then, sir.” I could hear the contempt for Americans in his tone. “If you will accompany me, please.”

He put out a hand ready to guide me back into the elevator. I was only too happy to oblige him. There had been a sign near the button panel that said the basement levels were only to be accessed by the guests.

Once inside, he turned a key and pressed the lobby button. The doors closed, and we went up. He stood, facing the door, not speaking. A few seconds later, he was ushering me out to the lobby.

“Now, sir, if you are a guest…”

“Actually, I’m looking for one. She called me and said she would be staying in this hotel and to come down and visit her. I was trying to get to the sixth floor.”

“Good. Let’s go over to the desk and see what we can do for you.”

I followed him over to the reception desk, where he signalled one of the clerks, a young woman who looked and acted very efficiently, and told her of my request, but then remained to oversee the proceeding.

“Name of guest, sir?”

“Merriweather, Anne. I’m her brother, Alexander.” I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out my passport to prove that I was who I said I was. She glanced cursorily at it.

She typed the name into the computer, and then we waited a few seconds while it considered what to output. Then, she said, “That lady is not in the hotel, sir.”

Time to put on my best-confused look. “But she said she would be staying here for the week. I made a special trip to come here to see her.”

Another puzzled look from the clerk, then, “When did she call you?”

An interesting question to ask, and it set off a warning bell in my head. I couldn’t say today, it would have to be the day she was supposedly taken.

“Last Saturday, about four in the afternoon.”

Another look at the screen, then, “It appears she checked out Sunday morning. I’m afraid you have made a trip in vain.”

Indeed, I had. “Was she staying with anyone?”

I just managed to see the warning pass from the suited man to the clerk. I thought he had shown an interest when I mentioned the name, and now I had confirmation. He knew something about her disappearance. The trouble was, he wasn’t going to volunteer any information because he was more than just hotel security.

“No.”

“Odd,” I muttered. “I thought she told me she was staying with a man named Vladimir something or other. I’m not too good at pronouncing those Russian names. Are you sure?”

She didn’t look back at the screen. “Yes.”

“OK, now one thing I do know about staying in hotels is that you are required to ask guests with foreign passports their next destination, just in case they need to be found. Did she say where she was going next?” It was a long shot, but I thought I’d ask.

“Moscow. As I understand it, she lives in Moscow. That was the only address she gave us.”

I smiled. “Thank you. I know where that is. I probably should have gone there first.”

She didn’t answer; she didn’t have to, her expression did that perfectly.

The suited man spoke again, looking at the clerk. “Thank you.” He swivelled back to me. “I’m sorry we can’t help you.”

“No. You have more than you can know.”

“What was your name again, sir, just in case you still cannot find her?”

“Alexander Merriweather. Her brother. And if she is still missing, I will be posting a very large reward. At the moment, you can best contact me via the American Embassy.”

Money is always a great motivator, and that thoughtful expression on his face suggested he gave a moment’s thought to it.

I left him with that offer and left. If anything, the people who were holding her would know she had a brother, that her brother was looking for her, and equally that brother had money.

© Charles Heath – 2018-2025

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 195

Day 195 – Writing exercise

It was hard, very hard, to stand at the altar and find the words that could adequately describe how much he missed Catherine, or explain in simple words how much she had meant to him.

These days, relationships and marriages were throwaway items, something you jump into and out of as easily as getting on and off a boat.

It was a dilemma that had been haunting him since the priest had told him he should prepare some words to remember her in a way everyone would understand.

The thing was, not everyone did.  Certainly not her brother and two sisters. Certainly not her parents; they simply didn’t understand who she was and didn’t try.  They had three other children to bend to their will.

Certainly not my parents, of similar practical ilk as hers, and didn’t understand my choice.  My younger sister did; they were friends, soul mates for life, and her sudden death had affected her as much as it had me.

But to find words that made her relatable?  That was going to take a collaborative effort, simply because she was ‘artistic’.

There were various ways of interpreting artistic, most ending up on a scrapheap of misunderstandings that usually generated into misguided insults.

When I first met her I did the same.  I had not yet broken free of what she called the shackles of formalism.  It was a polite way of saying I was trying to conform to my parents’ ideal person.

Hard working, university educated as a doctor or lawyer, certainly a professional, and ideally working in the family business.  My father was a lawyer; his father was; my brothers were.  Then, my mother was a doctor, and my sister was meant to be, but she, like myself, fell off that wagon before it was too late, and we became autonomous.

My parents blamed Catherine for that.

But that took a while.  I had yet to meet her and go through the hardest year of my life.

I was studying law at the same university my great-grandparents and my brothers attended.  We Berkeley’s were well known, even famous, given that Berkeley’s featured everywhere in the walls and the fabric of university lore.

I, like my brothers, had very big shoes to fill, and when you are a so-so student not gifted with instant recall and a photographic memory, law really is a struggle.

Catherine was there doing art history or archaeology or some esoteric degree that to me seemed more fun than gritty learning.  She stood out because of her manner, the way she dressed, and the fact that every day she was like a ray of sunshine.

The first time I met her was in the library.  I was trying to study for a difficult exam that I had to pass, or I would be spending my summer holidays locked in a tutorial instead of going on the family holiday in Capri.

I knew I wasn’t going to make it.

That day I was searching for a law volume, and she was up a ladder and dropped a book on my head.  She said it slipped out of her hand.

It hit me in just the spot where it briefly knocked me out cold.  A book.  I couldn’t believe it.

Anyway, when I woke up, I was in a medical room lying on a cot with a doctor looking concerned, and Catherine, though I didn’t know her name then, hovering at the end of the cot, hoping, she said later, she hadn’t killed me.

The doctor asked me if I knew where I was, loosely translated to ‘at the university ‘, and what day it was, ‘the worst day of my life ‘, and what happened to me, ‘God was answering my prayer to kill me now before I failed the exam and went straight to hell’.

I think there were tears because my head really hurt, so he recommended painkillers and bed rest.  The nurse was very unsympathetic.  Catherine was contrite.

She sat down beside the cot and held my hand.

I’d seen her many times, always from afar.  I was not in her classes nor did I have a reason to be in her friend group.  Why she had stayed was unexplainable.  I had survived; her obligation was over.  I didn’t blame her for anything.  It could have happened to anyone.

She opened with, “I’m so sorry. Things like that just happen to me.”

“Dripping books of heads?”

“Books, spilling drinks and food, bumping into things.  People say I’m in a different world.”

“Are you?”

She smiled.  “Most of the time I see the world differently.  It’s the same as everyone else.  I just see only the good things.”

“How?”

“Take your accident.  It brought us together.  That’s a good thing.  Unless you’re an axe murderer.”

“They don’t let me bring my axe to school.”

She gave me a strange look, then smiled again.  “You have a sense of humour.  That will never work if you’re going to be a lawyer.”

“How do you know…”

“You look like your brother Aloysius.  I hope you’re not like him.  He keeps asking me out, but it’s only to settle a bet.  He’s basically horrible.  I’m sorry, but that’s how I see him.”

She was right, of course; he was.  And I knew about him and his university friends.  They had no respect for women, a trait handed down from their father.  Mine too, but that part missed me.  He called me ambivalent, a traitor as wild as my red hair.

He stopped short of saying I wasn’t his son, especially when my mother was not around.  Curiously, I never suspected her of having affairs, not like him in his quest to stay relevant and young, a battle he was losing as he got older.

“I hate to say it, but I agree with you.  I’ll be happy to kick his ass if he tries too hard, if you like.  It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“You’d do that for me, even after I tried to kill you.”

“I think it was the law trying to kill me.  It was sending me a message.  You just happened to be nearby.”

“Now you’re being too nice.”  She stood.  “You seem to be alright, so I’ll leave you to contemplate the hidden meaning behind the attack of the book.  Maybe I’ll see you around.”

Probably not.  We moved in completely different circles, and I was not the sort of person that fitted into her friend group.

“Maybe.  I could get delayed amnesia, and forget you.”

“You could, but I am unforgettable.”  That said, she left.

I didn’t expect to see her again, except from afar.  Somehow that made me feel sad.

. .

Some people stay in your mind for a variety of reasons.  Catherine stayed in mine simply because she was different, in a way that made her, as she said, unforgettable.

But toiling with the vicissitudes of the law took my mind off everything as I battled to get my head above water.  Law just wasn’t my thing.

Later that year, when I was seriously contemplating leaving university and going home to face the music, I wandered into the cafe looking for a cup of strong black coffee.

That’s when I saw her again, sitting with two other girls who no doubt were in her classes.  What bothered me was that my brother was talking to her.

Well, not talking to her as such, it looked to me like he was being an ass.  Again.

I stood on the doorway for a fraction too long, causing a hold-up that drew comment and her attention.

Just what I didn’t want.

I was going to leave, but she saw me and waved.  My brother turned to see who she was waving at, and that sealed my fate.

The last thing I wanted to do was confront him.  He was condescending at best and abrasive at worst when I wandered into his line of sight.

It was a shame I had to go to the same school as he did.

Fate sealed, I wandered over.

She was more interested in me than him.  He glared at me, “What are you doing here?”

“Getting coffee, though something stronger would be better.  What are you doing?  Harassing the female students in your usual manner?”

If her plan was to put us against each other, it might just work.  I was in a bad mood, and he was just the person to take it out on.

“Just go away and get whatever it is you came for.”

She looked at me, and I think she could see I was spoiling for a fight.  Maybe she wanted to throw some duel on the fire.

“Your brother is being a pain.”

“No.  My brother wanted to win a bet that he can get you to go out with him.  Put him out of his misery, and as a gentleman he will go away and not bother you again “

I looked at him.  “Not that you know what a gentleman really is.  Perhaps I should have a quiet word to Margaret and tell her you’re still sowing those wild cats Dad keeps banging on about.”

“You should be minding your own business.”

“Your misbehaving is my business.  I’m protecting the family name while you seem to think besmirching it is fine.”

“Go away, Steven.  Or else.”

“Or else what?”

“You don’t want to know.”

He was bigger and meaner than me, a member of the rugby team.  I’d seen what he could do when he took his temper out on Jeffery, our middle brother.

I was no match in size and weight, but he had no finesse.

I looked back at her.  “You want this jackass to leave you alone?”

“He doesn’t understand the word no.”

“Not when money is involved.”  I looked at him.  “You and me, the gym.  I win, you leave alone.”

“And if I win,” he said, grinning.

“You won’t.”

He looked me up and down, evaluating his chances.  They were good.  Probably better than good.

“Done.  6 pm.  You really are that stupid.”

Perhaps I was, but one thing I knew in that moment.  I was going to take my temper and all the bad stuff about law I hated on him.

“You really shouldn’t be doing this,” Catherine said.  She had decided to come with me to the gym to watch the epic battle.

She didn’t portray it as two fools fighting over a girl who wanted nothing to do with either of them.  She wanted to believe I was defending her honour.

That might have been the case if it was 1780, or a page out of a Jane Austen novel. 

The truth was I hated him.  He was the favourite; everything came easy for him.  Law studies were easy, rugby was easy, dating any girl he wanted was easy.

I just wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.

In reality, I was going to get pounded into the middle of next week.

And I think she knew that my gesture was just that, one that I hadn’t thought through.  She had already told me I didn’t have to go through with it. 

I said it was about time I stuck up for myself instead of living in his shadow.  This was sibling rivalry, and she was just an excuse I was using to justify my actions.

Yet she did go off after telling me I was being stupid, or that she didn’t appreciate me making a fool of myself on her behalf.  I think I was offended at her lack of faith.

When I got there, about five minutes before the event, there was a crowd of about two hundred.  Friends of his, and people who had learned there was going to be a fight.

A civilised fight.

He was dressed for the occasion, in fact, the whole boxing thing, and it didn’t surprise me he was into sparring.  I had been taking lessons, but the odds of any of it sticking in my brain were slight.

“Go change.  We do this properly.”

I shrugged, then climbed into the ring.  One of the gym staff came over with gloves and a helmet and helped me put both on.

Then he read the riot act, as much to say this was going to be by the book and no underhanded punching and clinging.  There was more, but I wasn’t listening.  I was trying to remember what my instructor had told me.

We took our corners.

The gym instructor stood in the middle.  Someone clanged the bell, and it was on.

I watched him circle, fists pumping like pistons, throwing out exploratory jabs as he circled.  Perhaps he thought it would make me dizzy watching him.

Then he came at me, trying to land a punch on the way past.  I saw the move and moved out of the way, and landed a punch to his upper arm that elicited a grunt.

And an expression changed.  Perhaps I might take a little effort on his part.

More circling, more punches, one of which rattled me, but not unduly so.  I had lowered my guard.

Then he came at me.  Perhaps he thought he had me at a disadvantage.  He landed one, but while he was doing that, he left himself exposed, and I lashed out with all the force I could muster.

Thwack. That’s what it sounded like.  Clean, hard, and right on the money.

He crumpled, collapsing to the floor and then didn’t move.  The gym instructor was beside him checking the damage.

It wasn’t much.  I had caught him flush, and it knocked him out.  A few seconds later he was awake, realised what had happened and tried to get up.  His legs could not support the weight, and he had to stay down.

But the fight was over.

I stood there and looked down at him.  There was a vacant stare behind those eyes of his.  Stunned perhaps at the idea that I could beat him.

“You win,” he said. “No hard feelings.”

Pity.  I wanted to pound him some more. Instead I just shrugged and took off the gloves.  By the time I got out of the ring, my brother was back on his feet.  He would survive.

The crowd had dispersed.

Catherine was still there, sitting on a seat by the wall well away from the ring.

“Did you win?”

“Of course.  What were you expecting?”

“Taking you to hospital in an ambulance.  It seems to me the only time we spend together is me taking you to random medical facilities “

“Well, you don’t have to.  He won’t be annoying you again.”

“What about you?”

“I won’t be annoying you at all.”

“What if I want to be annoyed by you?”

“I wouldn’t believe you.  I’m not your sort.”

“How do you know what my sort is?”

“It would not be a deadly dull law graduate.  You have too much life in you to be dragged backwards by a dour person like me.”

I had no idea how or why this conversation was going, other than it shouldn’t.  We were opposites that in a normal world would never meet.

“OK.  Take me to dinner.  If by the end of it I judge you to be too dour, we’ll call it off.  But what you just did, no one has ever done for me before.  That’s not dour.”

“No.  It was bloody stupid.”

“Calculated, yes; stupid, no.  You knew you could beat him.”

“I knew the odds were in my favour.  But fights like that are unpredictable.  I could have got hurt.”

“Then I would have taken you to hospital and got you patched up.  Then I would tell you how remarkable I think you are.  You should never be the person other people want you to be, but the person you want to.  He’s in there,” she touched my heart, which coincidentally was beating rather faster than normal, “and we’ll find him.”

“Dinner?”

“A posh restaurant.  Impress me.  I can be impressed.”

Then she took my hand in hers, and she stood.

I knew then that she was the one, the only one for me; and that I was never going to be a lawyer

I was standing behind the priest who had just delivered a remarkable eulogy, one that encapsulated her life, her manner, and her influence over the world at large.

It was meant to light up what a very sad day was, and it did.  I remembered her, not only from the first day I met her, but through that amazing dinner date at her so-called posh restaurant, to the day I asked her to marry me and she said yes.

What could I say that could ever tell anyone what I had and what I’d lost?

I could not.

But given the chance to get back at my brother, well, there was a wealth of stories right there.

I looked out over the crowd, all sitting and expecting something witty.

“Everyone knew Catherine, and unfortunately for some, Catherine knew them.  I remember her speech at the wedding.  As progressive as we were, she took us all by surprise…

“Some more than others…

Quite a few of those before me were there.  It was the first inkling they got that she was not afraid to speak her mind or trample on egos.

I was not going to remind them, but it led into more humorous memories, and it got the conversation going.  We remembered, we laughed, and how we laughed, until we cried.  She had that effect on each and every one of us.

And yes, as I spoke, I knew she was standing next to me, slipping her hand in mine and squeezing it gently, just to let me know I was not, and never would be, alone.

©  Charles Heath  2026

What I learned about writing – A simple joke can become inspiration

Spinning Shadows into Sparkle: The Zany Art of Conspiracy Comedy

Isn’t it fascinating how our minds gravitate towards patterns in the chaos? How the whispered “what if” can quickly blossom into a sprawling, intricate web of secret societies, hidden agendas, and dark forces pulling the strings? The appeal of a good conspiracy is undeniable, tapping into our deepest fears and our innate desire for meaning, even if that meaning points to malevolent forces.

But what if those shadowy figures wear mismatched socks? What if their nefarious plot hinges on the strategic deployment of artisanal pickles? What if the hero unearthing the truth is less a grizzled detective and more a bewildered barista?

This, my friends, is the magical alchemy we’re talking about: taking the genuine chill of darkness and paranoia, threading a dense tapestry of conspiracy, and then weaving through it with a generous dose of tongue-in-cheek humour and a plot so zany it practically winks at you. It’s a delicate dance, a narrative tightrope walk, but when executed well, it creates some of the most memorable and beloved stories out there.

So, how do we try to achieve this glorious narrative concoction?


1. Acknowledging the Shadow: The Foundation of Fear

You can’t have effective satire without a genuine understanding of what you’re satirising. The first step in threading dense conspiracies with humour is to start with the darkness. The paranoia needs to feel real, at least initially. The stakes should, at some level, be genuinely high.

  • How we do it: We establish an underlying threat that feels substantial. The shadowy organisation is powerful. Their goals are unsettling. Without that genuine undercurrent of dread, the humour lands flat. It’s the contrast with this genuine darkness that makes the absurdity sing. Imagine a secret society plotting global domination – that’s the serious core.

2. The Intricate Web: Conspiracies You Can (Almost) Believe

A “dense conspiracy” isn’t just a list of random bad things happening. It’s an interconnected narrative, a puzzle where every piece seems to fit, even if the grand picture is utterly bonkers.

  • How we do it: We layer the clues, introduce a cast of characters with mysterious motives, and connect the dots between the utterly mundane and the outrageously sinister. Perhaps a global drought is linked to a mega-corp’s new line of flavoured seltzer. Maybe the disappearance of garden gnomes is a precursor to an alien invasion. The logic, however flawed, must be internally consistent within its own absurd framework. The more intricate the web, the more satisfying its eventual, often ridiculous, unravelling. It makes the audience feel smart for “figuring it out,” even if what they’ve figured out is that pigeons are the true global overlords.

3. The Knowing Wink: Tongue-in-Cheek Humour

This isn’t slapstick for its own sake (though a little never hurt!). “Tongue-in-cheek” implies a shared understanding, a subtle nod to the audience that “we know this is ridiculous, and that’s the point.”

  • How we do it:
    • Character-driven absurdity: A villain who meticulously plans world domination but forgets their lunch. A reluctant hero whose biggest concern is finding strong coffee. The deadpan delivery of utterly insane dialogue.
    • Situational irony: The world-ending device being housed in a municipal library’s lost-and-found. The most devastating secret being revealed on a children’s TV show.
    • Subversion of tropes: Taking every classic conspiracy theory cliché (the all-seeing eye, the secret handshake, the cryptic message) and twisting it just enough to make it funny without losing its essence.
    • Self-awareness: The narrative often winks at its own ridiculousness, but never breaks character entirely. It’s about finding the humour within the grand conspiracy, not just overlaying it.

4. Embracing the Bizarre: The Zany Plot

This is where the gloves come off and imagination truly runs wild. If the conspiracy is the skeleton, the zany plot is the vibrant, unpredictable flesh.

  • How we do it: We throw out conventional narrative structures and embrace escalating absurdity. Where a secret society’s ultimate weapon might be a mind-control disco ball, or the key to decoding ancient alien texts involves mastering the art of interpretive dance. The plot twists aren’t just unexpected; they’re wildly, joyfully ludicrous. The solutions to the grand mystery are often simpler (or infinitely more complicated) than anyone could have imagined. Think unexpected car chases involving unicycles, secret lair entrances hidden behind a perpetually broken vending machine, or a climax involving a very confused squirrel.

5. The Secret Sauce: Balance and Juxtaposition

Ultimately, the magic lies in the blend. It’s a constant push and pull between the serious and the silly, the ominous and the outright absurd.

  • How we do it:
    • Pacing: We know when to lean into the genuine tension and dread for a moment, making the audience genuinely concerned, before puncturing that tension with a perfectly timed gag.
    • Contrast: A serious, menacing monologue from a villain, immediately followed by the revelation that they’re wearing bunny slippers. A crucial clue found written on a napkin from a questionable fast-food joint.
    • Anchoring Characters: Often, one or two characters serve as the audience’s anchor, reacting to the madness around them with relatable bewilderment or exasperated cynicism, which amplifies the humour.

Creating a narrative that blends darkness and paranoia with dense conspiracies, tongue-in-cheek humour, and a zany plot isn’t just writing; it’s an art form. It’s about acknowledging the very real anxieties that fuel conspiracy theories, then bravely, playfully, and subversively laughing in their face. It’s about building a world that feels both terrifyingly familiar and delightfully insane. And when it works, it’s an unforgettable journey into the heart of madness, where you’re never quite sure whether to gasp in fear or double over with laughter.

What are your favorite examples of stories that nail this unique blend? Let us know in the comments below!

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 194

Day 194 – Characters and their conversations

Beyond the Final Word: Why Character Intentions Drive the Best Conversations in Fiction

“Dialogue should be a series of pitched battles in which the characters are trying to get what they want.”

Every fiction writer eventually encounters a scene where two characters are talking, yet the pages feel utterly lifeless. The exchange is grammatically correct, it moves the plot forward, and it delivers the necessary information. And yet, it bores the reader to tears.

Why? Because the characters are simply arriving at what they want to say, rather than wrestling with the turbulent, messy journey of how they get there.

To master the art of subtext and realistic human interaction, we can look to one of the 20th century’s most brilliant stylists. The celebrated Anglo-Irish novelist and short-story writer Elizabeth Bowen had profound insights into the architecture of conversation. Bowen understood that in great fiction, dialogue is rarely about the destination; it is about the struggle of intention.

In this post, we’ll explore why characters should focus more on what they intend to say rather than the tidy sentences they finally arrive at, drawing inspiration from Elizabeth Bowen’s literary philosophy.


The Elizabeth Bowen Perspective: Conversation as a Secret War

Elizabeth Bowen viewed the surface of life—and polite conversation especially—as a delicate, often deceptive crust over boiling depths. To Bowen, dialogue was never just an exchange of data. It was a social dance, a power struggle, a form of concealment, and an act of psychological warfare all at once.

In her critical writings and through the immaculate prose of novels like The Death of the Heart and The House in Paris, Bowen demonstrated that people rarely say exactly what they mean. Instead, they circle their desires. They hint, they deflect, they use small talk as a shield, and they weaponise silence.

When characters’ conversation is overly streamlined—when they immediately arrive at crisp, articulate summaries of their feelings—the psychological realism evaporates. Real people are hampered by pride, fear, social conditioning, and a lack of self-awareness.

Bowen’s characters speak not to deliver exposition, but to assert themselves against a hostile or indifferent world. The magic happens in the gap between what is intended and what is actually uttered.


What Happens When Characters “Arrive” Too Fast?

Let’s look at the two approaches: dialogue driven by arrival versus dialogue driven by intention.

The Trap of the “Arrival” Dialogue

When a writer focuses on what a character arrives at saying, the dialogue often falls into the trap of “on-the-nose” writing or pure exposition.

  • Example (Arrival):Mark: “I am leaving you because you never pay attention to my emotional needs, Sarah.” Sarah: “That’s not fair. I’ve been stressed about my mother’s illness, but if you’re going to be selfish, maybe we should break up.”

Why it fails: It’s efficient, but it feels robotic. Real human beings in the middle of a breakup rarely diagnose their relationship with the clinical precision of a marriage counsellor in the first three seconds. They are defending their egos, deflecting blame, and masking panic.

The Power of “Intention” Dialogue

When characters are driven by what they intend to say—the subtextual desire to wound, to plead, to hide, or to conquer—the conversation becomes a living, breathing thing.

  • Example (Intention):Mark slammed the refrigerator door harder than necessary, rattling the jars inside. “You leave that wet towel on the counter every single day.” Sarah didn’t look up from her phone. “Some of us have actual responsibilities outside of interior decorating, Mark.” Mark: “Right. Responsibilities. Must be nice.”

Why it works: Mark intends to say, “I feel neglected and invisible in this house,” but that requires vulnerability. Instead, he arrives at a petty complaint about a towel. Sarah intends to say, “Don’t make me feel guilty; I am drowning under pressure,” but she arrives at a counter-attack. The tension comes from the reader feeling the heavy, unspoken weight of their true intentions beneath the trivial words.


3 Ways to Apply Bowen’s Wisdom to Your Writing

If you want to shift your character conversations away from neat arrivals and toward messy, intention-driven power struggles, try these three techniques:

1. Give Every Character a Hidden Agenda

Before writing a scene, ask yourself: What does this character want from the other person by the end of this conversation?

  • Do they want validation?
  • Do they want to hide a secret?
  • Do they want to provoke a reaction without taking the blame for starting a fight?

When characters have an active internal agenda, their dialogue will naturally become evasive, tactical, and charged with subtext.

2. Interrupt the Thought Process

In real life, we edit ourselves mid-sentence. We start to say one thing, realise how it sounds, and pivot sharply.

  • Let your characters trail off.
  • Let them change subjects abruptly when they feel vulnerable.
  • Use action beats (gestures, glances, fidgeting) to show the friction between their brain and their mouth.

As Elizabeth Bowen showed us, the most telling moments in a conversation are often the things left unsaid, or the sentences that fracture before they can be completed.

3. Let Misunderstandings Breed Conflict

When characters are aiming for an intention rather than a neat conclusion, they will inevitably miss each other’s points. Character A is speaking from a place of fear; Character B is interpreting it as an attack.

This friction creates authentic dramatic irony. The reader understands the tragic or comedic mismatch between what the characters intend to communicate and how their words are actually landing.


Conclusion: Embrace the Mess

Great dialogue is never a straight line. It is a zigzag path of sidesteps, false starts, defensive maneuvers, and buried longings.

By following Elizabeth Bowen’s implicit advice—prioritising the volatile, underlying intentions of your characters over the neat, polished sentences they eventually arrive at—you will breathe authentic life into your scenes. Stop letting your characters say exactly what they mean right away. Let them struggle to say it, let them fail, and watch your fiction transform into something unforgettable.


What are your favourite examples of subtext-heavy dialogue in literature? How do you handle character intentions in your own writing? Let us know in the comments below!

Top 5 sights on the road less travelled – Sofia

Discovering the Hidden Gems of Sofia: 5 Off-the-Beaten-Path Experiences

Sofia, the vibrant capital of Bulgaria, is a city that seamlessly blends ancient history, cultural richness, and modern charm. While many tourists flock to the city’s iconic landmarks like the Alexander Nevsky Cathedral and the Ivan Vazov National Theatre, there’s a treasure trove of lesser-known experiences waiting to be uncovered. In this blog post, we’ll take you on a journey to explore the top five alternative things to do in Sofia, venturing off the beaten path to reveal the city’s best-kept secrets.

1. Explore the Sofia Central Market (Halite) for a Taste of Local Life

Tucked away in the heart of the city, the Sofia Central Market is a bustling hub of activity that’s often overlooked by tourists. This historic marketplace has been in operation since 1909 and offers a fascinating glimpse into local life. Wander through the stalls, sampling traditional Bulgarian delicacies like banitsa, shopska salad, and lukanka, while soaking up the lively atmosphere. From fresh produce to handicrafts, the market is a treasure trove of authentic Bulgarian culture.

2. Visit the Museum of Socialist Art for a Unique Glimpse into Bulgaria’s Past

Located in a quiet neighbourhood, the Museum of Socialist Art is a quirky and fascinating museum that showcases a collection of artworks from Bulgaria’s socialist era. With over 70 artifacts, including sculptures, paintings, and mosaics, the museum provides a thought-provoking insight into the country’s complex history. The museum’s outdoor sculpture park is particularly noteworthy, featuring an impressive array of monumental socialist-realist artworks.

3. Take a Stroll through the Borisova Gradina Park and Lake

Escape the hustle and bustle of city life with a leisurely walk through the beautiful Borisova Gradina Park, one of Sofia’s largest and most scenic green spaces. The park is home to several lakes, walking trails, and plenty of picnic spots, making it an ideal spot to relax and unwind. Rent a boat and enjoy a serene ride on the lake, or visit the park’s charming restaurants and cafes to sample some delicious Bulgarian cuisine.

4. Discover Street Art in the Oborishte Neighbourhood

Sofia’s Oborishte neighbourhood is a hotspot for street art, with vibrant murals and graffiti adorning the walls of buildings and fences. Take a self-guided walking tour to explore the area’s eclectic mix of urban art, which reflects the city’s modern, creative spirit. From quirky portraits to thought-provoking social commentary, the street art in Oborishte is a must-see for anyone interested in contemporary culture.

5. Attend a Performance at the Sofia Opera and Ballet

While the Ivan Vazov National Theatre is well-known, the Sofia Opera and Ballet is another cultural gem that’s often overlooked by tourists. With a rich history dating back to 1890, the opera house hosts a diverse range of performances, from classical operas to contemporary ballet productions. Even if you’re not an opera or ballet enthusiast, the stunning architecture and ornate interior of the building make it worth a visit.

In conclusion, Sofia is a city that rewards exploration and curiosity. By venturing off the beaten path, you’ll discover a treasure trove of unique experiences, from bustling markets and quirky museums to scenic parks and vibrant street art. Whether you’re a history buff, a foodie, or an art lover, Sofia has something to offer, and with this guide, you’ll be well on your way to uncovering the city’s best-kept secrets. So why not take the road less travelled and discover the real Sofia?

Top 5 sights on the road less travelled – Belgrade

Uncovering the Hidden Gems of Belgrade: 5 Off-the-Beaten-Path Experiences

Belgrade, the vibrant capital of Serbia, is a city that seamlessly blends Eastern and Western cultures, offering a unique and exciting travel experience. While most tourists flock to the famous Kalemegdan Fortress and Saint Sava Temple, there’s more to Belgrade than meets the eye. As a seasoned traveller, I’m excited to share with you the top five other things to do in Belgrade that will take you off the beaten path and into the heart of this fascinating city.

1. Explore the Street Art Scene in Savamala

Tucked away in the Savamala neighbourhood, Belgrade’s street art scene is a treasure trove of creativity and self-expression. This former industrial area has been transformed into a vibrant arts district, featuring stunning murals, graffiti, and quirky installations. Take a self-guided walking tour to discover the works of local and international artists, and experience the city’s edgy, avant-garde side. Be sure to check out the famous “Savamala” mural, which has become a symbol of the neighbourhood’s revitalisation.

2. Visit the Nikola Tesla Museum

While many visitors to Belgrade are familiar with the famous scientist’s name, few know about the fascinating museum dedicated to his life and work. The Nikola Tesla Museum is a must-visit for anyone interested in science, technology, and innovation. Located in a beautiful villa, the museum showcases an impressive collection of Tesla’s personal belongings, experiments, and inventions, including his famous Tesla coil. The museum’s interactive exhibits and guided tours offer a unique glimpse into the mind of a genius.

3. Take a Stroll through the Botanical Garden

Escape the hustle and bustle of the city and find serenity in the beautiful Botanical Garden, also known as the Jevremovac Botanical Garden. This peaceful oasis is home to over 1,000 plant species, including some rare and endangered ones. As you wander through the gardens, you’ll discover a variety of flora, from roses and lavender to cacti and succulents. The garden’s tranquil atmosphere and stunning natural beauty make it an ideal spot for relaxation and contemplation.

4. Discover the Vinča Culture at the Vinča Archaeological Site

Located just outside Belgrade, the Vinča Archaeological Site is a fascinating glimpse into the city’s ancient past. This Neolithic settlement, dating back over 7,000 years, is one of the oldest and most important archaeological sites in Europe. Explore the excavated ruins, which feature remnants of ancient homes, pottery, and tools, and learn about the daily lives of the Vinča people. The site’s museum offers a wealth of information and artifacts, providing a unique insight into the region’s rich cultural heritage.

5. Enjoy a Night Out in the Cvetni Trg Neighbourhood

For a truly authentic Belgrade experience, head to the Cvetni Trg (Flower Square) neighbourhood, known for its lively atmosphere, charming cafes, and eclectic nightlife. This trendy area is home to a variety of bars, clubs, and live music venues, offering everything from jazz and rock to traditional Serbian folk music. As you explore the neighbourhood, you’ll discover a mix of old and new, with historic buildings, street performers, and modern art installations adding to the area’s vibrant energy. Be sure to try some of the local cuisine, including delicious ćevapi and pljeskavica, at one of the many restaurants and food stalls.

In conclusion, Belgrade is a city that offers so much more than its famous landmarks. By venturing off the beaten path, you’ll discover a wealth of hidden gems, from street art and science museums to ancient archaeological sites and vibrant nightlife. Whether you’re a culture vulture, a foodie, or an adventure-seeker, Belgrade has something for everyone. So come and explore the real Belgrade, and experience the city’s unique blend of tradition, innovation, and warmth.

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 194

Day 194 – Characters and their conversations

Beyond the Final Word: Why Character Intentions Drive the Best Conversations in Fiction

“Dialogue should be a series of pitched battles in which the characters are trying to get what they want.”

Every fiction writer eventually encounters a scene where two characters are talking, yet the pages feel utterly lifeless. The exchange is grammatically correct, it moves the plot forward, and it delivers the necessary information. And yet, it bores the reader to tears.

Why? Because the characters are simply arriving at what they want to say, rather than wrestling with the turbulent, messy journey of how they get there.

To master the art of subtext and realistic human interaction, we can look to one of the 20th century’s most brilliant stylists. The celebrated Anglo-Irish novelist and short-story writer Elizabeth Bowen had profound insights into the architecture of conversation. Bowen understood that in great fiction, dialogue is rarely about the destination; it is about the struggle of intention.

In this post, we’ll explore why characters should focus more on what they intend to say rather than the tidy sentences they finally arrive at, drawing inspiration from Elizabeth Bowen’s literary philosophy.


The Elizabeth Bowen Perspective: Conversation as a Secret War

Elizabeth Bowen viewed the surface of life—and polite conversation especially—as a delicate, often deceptive crust over boiling depths. To Bowen, dialogue was never just an exchange of data. It was a social dance, a power struggle, a form of concealment, and an act of psychological warfare all at once.

In her critical writings and through the immaculate prose of novels like The Death of the Heart and The House in Paris, Bowen demonstrated that people rarely say exactly what they mean. Instead, they circle their desires. They hint, they deflect, they use small talk as a shield, and they weaponise silence.

When characters’ conversation is overly streamlined—when they immediately arrive at crisp, articulate summaries of their feelings—the psychological realism evaporates. Real people are hampered by pride, fear, social conditioning, and a lack of self-awareness.

Bowen’s characters speak not to deliver exposition, but to assert themselves against a hostile or indifferent world. The magic happens in the gap between what is intended and what is actually uttered.


What Happens When Characters “Arrive” Too Fast?

Let’s look at the two approaches: dialogue driven by arrival versus dialogue driven by intention.

The Trap of the “Arrival” Dialogue

When a writer focuses on what a character arrives at saying, the dialogue often falls into the trap of “on-the-nose” writing or pure exposition.

  • Example (Arrival):Mark: “I am leaving you because you never pay attention to my emotional needs, Sarah.” Sarah: “That’s not fair. I’ve been stressed about my mother’s illness, but if you’re going to be selfish, maybe we should break up.”

Why it fails: It’s efficient, but it feels robotic. Real human beings in the middle of a breakup rarely diagnose their relationship with the clinical precision of a marriage counsellor in the first three seconds. They are defending their egos, deflecting blame, and masking panic.

The Power of “Intention” Dialogue

When characters are driven by what they intend to say—the subtextual desire to wound, to plead, to hide, or to conquer—the conversation becomes a living, breathing thing.

  • Example (Intention):Mark slammed the refrigerator door harder than necessary, rattling the jars inside. “You leave that wet towel on the counter every single day.” Sarah didn’t look up from her phone. “Some of us have actual responsibilities outside of interior decorating, Mark.” Mark: “Right. Responsibilities. Must be nice.”

Why it works: Mark intends to say, “I feel neglected and invisible in this house,” but that requires vulnerability. Instead, he arrives at a petty complaint about a towel. Sarah intends to say, “Don’t make me feel guilty; I am drowning under pressure,” but she arrives at a counter-attack. The tension comes from the reader feeling the heavy, unspoken weight of their true intentions beneath the trivial words.


3 Ways to Apply Bowen’s Wisdom to Your Writing

If you want to shift your character conversations away from neat arrivals and toward messy, intention-driven power struggles, try these three techniques:

1. Give Every Character a Hidden Agenda

Before writing a scene, ask yourself: What does this character want from the other person by the end of this conversation?

  • Do they want validation?
  • Do they want to hide a secret?
  • Do they want to provoke a reaction without taking the blame for starting a fight?

When characters have an active internal agenda, their dialogue will naturally become evasive, tactical, and charged with subtext.

2. Interrupt the Thought Process

In real life, we edit ourselves mid-sentence. We start to say one thing, realise how it sounds, and pivot sharply.

  • Let your characters trail off.
  • Let them change subjects abruptly when they feel vulnerable.
  • Use action beats (gestures, glances, fidgeting) to show the friction between their brain and their mouth.

As Elizabeth Bowen showed us, the most telling moments in a conversation are often the things left unsaid, or the sentences that fracture before they can be completed.

3. Let Misunderstandings Breed Conflict

When characters are aiming for an intention rather than a neat conclusion, they will inevitably miss each other’s points. Character A is speaking from a place of fear; Character B is interpreting it as an attack.

This friction creates authentic dramatic irony. The reader understands the tragic or comedic mismatch between what the characters intend to communicate and how their words are actually landing.


Conclusion: Embrace the Mess

Great dialogue is never a straight line. It is a zigzag path of sidesteps, false starts, defensive maneuvers, and buried longings.

By following Elizabeth Bowen’s implicit advice—prioritising the volatile, underlying intentions of your characters over the neat, polished sentences they eventually arrive at—you will breathe authentic life into your scenes. Stop letting your characters say exactly what they mean right away. Let them struggle to say it, let them fail, and watch your fiction transform into something unforgettable.


What are your favourite examples of subtext-heavy dialogue in literature? How do you handle character intentions in your own writing? Let us know in the comments below!

What I learned about writing – Everyday life is not always boring

The Unsung Epic: How Everyday Life Becomes Riveting Prose

“Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.”

It’s a line that resonates deeply with anyone who loves a good story. We crave the heightened stakes, the emotional rollercoasters, the twists and turns that define our favourite books, films, and series. But what if I told you that the “dull bits” aren’t always so dull? What if the real magic lies not in eliminating them, but in learning to see the drama hidden beneath their unassuming surface?

The challenge is enticing: Can we take everyday events and turn them into riveting prose? My answer, unequivocally, is yes. And in doing so, we don’t just write better stories; we learn to live a richer, more observant life.

Beyond Explosions: What Is Drama, Really?

First, let’s redefine “drama.” It’s not always grand gestures or world-ending stakes. At its core, drama is about conflict, tension, and emotion. It’s about a character wanting something and facing obstacles in getting it. It’s about choices, consequences, and the raw vulnerability of being human.

Consider that infamous “dull bits” pile: commuting, waiting in line, doing laundry, making coffee. On the surface, these are the unglamorous necessities of existence. But with a writer’s eye, they become potential stages for micro-dramas.

The Writer’s Superpower: Perspective and Pressure

The secret weapon for transforming the mundane is perspective. It’s about zooming in, acknowledging the internal monologue, and applying pressure.

  1. Zoom In: A spilled coffee isn’t just a stain; it’s the sudden, hot shock, the ruined shirt on the morning of a crucial presentation, the ripple effect of lateness. The drama isn’t the coffee itself, but what it means to the person experiencing it.
  2. Internal Monologue: We rarely share the full, rich narrative of our minds. What anxieties bubble up while waiting for a delayed train? What silent arguments play out as we fold a partner’s forgotten items? The internal world is a universe of untold stories, rife with hope, fear, regret, and determination.
  3. Apply Pressure: Take any everyday event and ask: What if something goes wrong? What if the stakes are slightly higher for this particular character?
    • The Commute: It’s not just a drive; it’s a desperate race against the clock to pick up a child from daycare before late fees kick in. The brake lights ahead aren’t just an inconvenience; they’re a physical manifestation of rising panic.
    • The Grocery Store: It’s not just a shopping trip; it’s the careful balancing act of an elderly person on a fixed income, trying to make healthy food last an entire week from a dwindling budget. Every price tag is a small, quiet battle.
    • The Awkward Conversation: It’s not just polite small talk; it’s a son trying to delicately broach a sensitive subject with his aging father, hoping to connect before it’s too late, fearing misinterpretation or dismissal.

Unearthing the Micro-Conflicts

Everyday life is brimming with small conflicts:

  • Person vs. Self: The internal debate over whether to speak up, to forgive, to take a risk, or to stick to the comfort of routine.
  • Person vs. Nature/Environment: The unexpected downpour when you forgot your umbrella, the power outage during a critical deadline, the unreliable public transport.
  • Person vs. Person (Subtle): The passive-aggressive note from a roommate, the slight that goes unaddressed, the unspoken tension across a dinner table, the small power plays in a queue.

These mini-struggles, when given the prose treatment, become relatable and powerful. They remind readers of their own quiet battles and hidden heroics.

The Art of Observation and Sensory Detail

To write riveting prose from the ordinary, you must become an exceptional observer.

  • What do you see? Not just objects, but the way light falls, the subtle expressions on faces, the wear and tear of time.
  • What do you hear? The hum of the refrigerator, the distant rumble of traffic, the specific cadence of a voice.
  • What do you feel? The cold ceramic of a mug, the ache in tired muscles, the prickle of irritation.
  • What do you smell and taste? The comforting aroma of baking bread, the metallic tang of fear, the bitterness of burnt toast.

These details ground your reader in the moment, making even the most mundane scene vivid and immersive.

So, Can We Do It?

Absolutely. By acknowledging the inherent drama in our struggles, choices, and interactions – no matter how small – we unlock a boundless reservoir of material. We aren’t cutting out the dull bits; we’re illuminating the hidden drama within them.

Next time you’re waiting in line, stuck in traffic, or simply watching the world go by, challenge yourself. What’s the story here? What’s at stake for the person beside you? What internal monologue is playing out in your own mind?

The world isn’t just a stage for grand narratives; it’s a collection of countless, intricate, and often riveting personal epics, waiting for us to notice, understand, and perhaps, to write them down.


What “dull bit” of your day do you think holds a hidden story? Share in the comments below!

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 192/193

Days 192 and 193 – Writing exercise

I woke to the sound of a very large explosion, yet it wasn’t exactly that; it was the blood-curdling scream that came after.

It wasn’t panic I felt in those few seconds of silence that followed the scream.  It was like I knew it was going to happen, and I could feel a sense of utter calm come over me.

I got out of bed and threw on the nearest clothes near me, then the coat at the back door where I had hung it the previous evening, and the torch I had left nearby in case I needed it.

I did.  It was still dark outside, but dawn would soon be here.  It was also cold, colder than it should be for the last days of winter.  At least it was not snowing.  Snow had a way of making things more difficult than they should be.

My first instinct was to go out via the back door.  Looking across the backyard, I could see other neighbours stirring, internal house lights going on.

From the front I could hear vehicles and then saw the kaleidoscope of red and blue flashing lights on police cars and the sound of an approaching fire engine.

I took in all the movement and sounds that carried on the night air, disjointed pieces of conversation, the murmur of people talking quietly as they headed towards their front gates.

I stepped down off the veranda and went up the side of the house, and as I came out at the front wall I could see the majority of activity was further down the street, outside, if I was not mistaken, the Johnson residence.

A few more steps and I was on the sidewalk, the full extent of the scene apparent.  The cars and truck were outside the Johnson place.

It was no surprise.

The police made regular visits because the Johnson children were prone to getting into trouble, a polite way of saying they were thieves, liars, bullies and troublemakers. 

Old man Johnson, the patriarch of the clan, had once greeted me with a hunting rifle.  To say he terrorised the neighbourhood was an understatement.

My next door neighbour was on his sidewalk, watching.  He had come out with a weapon ready to defend himself if necessary.

“It’s a war zone,” he said, shaking his head.

“I don’t see any bomb craters,” I said, thinking it might lighten the mood.

“I hear someone had enough of that family and tried to blow them up.”

Unlikely, but the neighbours, some at the end of their tether with the Johnson children, would be happy if that was the case.

Riley, my neighbour one house along from me but further away, came to join us.

He too has an opinion: “I hope those fools just blew up their basement meth lab, and they’re all dead.”

As he said it, three ambulances sped past on their way to the bomb/meth lab site.

“The Johnsons are just bad people, and I don’t believe they have either a meth lab or enemies that would want to blow them up.”

Mrs James from over the street came over.  She knew everything that happened in the street, sometimes before it happened.

“Herbert says it was a gas leak. Someone struck a match…”

It was a rational explanation, but then Herbert said that his garden had been overrun by aliens three mornings ago.  Saw them himself, he said, and had to fight them off with a samurai sword.

He’d been out before dawn sweeping the path with an old broom, brandishing it at an invisible enemy.

Herbert should be in a facility; such was the deterioration of his sanity.  In my last conversation with him, he asked me if I had seen the lizard people too.

Riley and Herbert were not talking at the moment, an innocent remark at the last block party getting under Riley’s skin.

“Herbert…”

I interrupted before he said something he would later regret, “I’ll go down and see what’s really going on.  I suspect it is probably something perfectly explainable, and we are all only too willing to call it something else.”

“I’d take care,” Foredyce, the man everyone loved to hate, simply because he had money he couldn’t explain adequately.  “I hear Johnson has the police in his back pocket.”

Odd that I thought, after leaving him, that it was more like he had the police in his back pocket.

Seconds later I ran into a policeman who was setting up perimeter tape, the sort that had the words “Do Not Cross”.  He didn’t let me cross, so I stood against the tape as a personal act of defiance.

Two police cars had been angled so that traffic could not pass in the street, and the same was happening a hundred yards away.

Other police were shunting spectators back to their properties.  I was now one of about a dozen that had come to the line, people I recognised from block parties, but didn’t speak to often.

There were also people I didn’t know or recognise.

I think one was a reporter.  I had seen her photo in the paper, though I couldn’t be sure.  I looked around, but I couldn’t see the film crew she usually had in tow.

My cell phone vibrated; an incoming message.
“When they leave, come.”

I replied with the appropriate emoji and just got my phone back in my pocket before the reporter, or whoever she was, burrowed her way through the small group to end up next to me.  She hadn’t exactly tried to bump me out of the way, but I was going to defend my territory if she tried.

She had her cell phone in her hand, ear pods and a vacant expression.  If I was to guess, she was listening in on the police band.

She moved slightly, and I gently nudged back.

Her attention went from the broadcast to me, a scathing look.

“What are the police saying this is?” I asked, before she could remonstrate.

“What?”  Abrupt.  It reminded me of an article I’d read where she had been accused of being over zealous in the gathering of information, got her facts wrong, published and caused an innocent person trouble.

“What are the police saying?”

“Don’t you have better things to be doing than rubber necking?”

“And you do, barging your way like an out-of-control motor bus.”  It was the best I could come up with at short notice.

That was when I realised those who had been behind her had drifted away to find better vantage points.

“Of course, these clowns are news.”

“Those clowns are trouble.”

“More than you know.”

I’d noticed a woman talking to several police officers outside the front of the house, then scanning the rope line, and eventually stopping, and looking fiercely at me, or more likely the woman I was standing with.  A few more words with another officer, she started walking towards us.

“You have a friend in the police.”

“Not exactly.”

The woman gave me a glare and nodded to the woman beside me, then lifted the tape line.  I watched them walk along the perimeter until no one could overhear them.

I watched two paramedics come out with a gurney with a body bag on it, and then transfer the bag to the ambulance, then go back into the house.

One dead person.  How many were there?

The paramedics repeated the process four times, then they drove off.  Four collections.  Four dead, or four smuggled away.

I saw the reporter see the last person loaded, exchanged what I thought were heated words, then came back walking quickly.

She seemed annoyed.

“What did the cops say?”  I thought I’d ask.  I might get an answer.

“Nothing.  It was staged to get them away.  There’s an assassin coming, or already here; they don’t know.”

“More likely an angry mob of neighbours, me included.  I hope they’re not coming back.”

She shook her head then headed towards her car.  I guess she was going to follow the ambulance and see where they were being taken.

With the ambulance leaving, the police cars gradually left until there was only one, belonging to the local sheriff’s department.

The deputy was in the process of retrieving the perimeter tape.  The emergency, if it could be called that, was over. 

I knew him.  He had found one of my kids being a jackass at the mall and brought him home after giving him a warning.  He could have locked him up, but chose a less problematic way of dealing with the problem.  Telling us and we handed out the punishment.

“Ned.”

“Mr Raven.  Not a lot going on here now.”

“What happened?”

“County and federal stuff.  We just get to clean up the mess they left behind.”

“The Johnsons?”

“Best not to know.  They won’t be giving you or anyone around here any more trouble.”

“Dead.”

“Exactly, if you get my drift.”

In other words, taken away to end up in another town to annoy them.  I could hear in his tone that he would have preferred to shoot them.

“Good.”

“Trust me.  There’s nothing more to see.”

“Is it alright if I go and see where some of my tools Johnson borrowed are?  If he’s not coming back, he won’t need them.”

“No.  I guess you’re right.”  He shrugged.  “I can’t see why not.  The place is empty; just try not to touch anything that’s not yours.”

I didn’t go via the front.  There were still a few people waiting, for what, though, was not clear, but perhaps they thought the Johnsons might come back.

Instead, there was an alley behind that line of properties, recently built as our estate got bigger, with our road the closest to the farming land behind it.

The man who had owned it had sold a few acres to raise funds to keep the farm going.  It wouldn’t be for much longer; a local businessman was planning a much larger housing development with a mall and a public park ready for the influx of workers needed for a huge distribution centre.

That was a more interesting story than the Johnsons; the centre was looking to use robots built at a high-tech robot assembly plant nearby, part of a technology park.

Maybe.

All manner of propositions were being tossed about by local politicians, each claiming they were saving our town.

At the back fence line to the Johnsons’ property, I peered through the crack in the fence, the one I think they used to keep an eye on people, saw no one in the rear yard and went in.

It was a short distance from the back fence to the rear veranda, and once inside the structure, built to add more space to the house to have outdoor cooked meals in summer and keep dry and warm in winter.

I waited and listened to see if there was anyone still in the house.  Peering through the kitchen windows, overlooking the veranda, I couldn’t see anyone, but they had left the lights on when they left.

I let five minutes pass, then knocked.  Not loudly, just enough that if there was anyone inside they’d hear it.

Someone did; a moment later the back door opened slightly and a hissed, “get in here,” was issued.

I just got through the door when it was closed again. A woman old enough to be my daughter was standing by the door, out of line of sight.

“You took your time.”

“It was just a little busy out there.  Are you ready?”

“I was never ready for this.  He sure as hell didn’t tell me his father was a rat, and we would be dragged across the country because of his mistakes.”

I got a call about a week ago from my sister, who lives on the other side of the country.  Her daughter had married the son of a CEO.  She had always maintained there was something odd about him, and when he had to go into hiding, it confirmed her suspicions.

She had just learned that her daughter had moved to my city, and asked her mother for help to get away from them.  She called me.

She said she had drawn a line under the experience and wanted out, and away from her husband, who wouldn’t take it kindly to her leaving.  Thing was, she was under no obligation to stay, and her life was in danger.

I was not sure what I could do, but Eloise wouldn’t take no for an answer.

I still hadn’t found them, or recognised the daughter when I went looking for her at the mall.  It had been a long shot, until the explosion.

I went to the front of the house, and peered through the cracks in the shutters.  The deputy was leaning against his car, smoking.  Several people were still standing around. Talking and gesturing, looking at the walls as if they could see through them.

I came back.  We could go out the back door but not go to the front of the house.

“How did you get away from the others?” 

“I told them I wasn’t going with them.  John wasn’t happy about it, but I was tired of running, looking over my shoulder.”

“You still will be.  You can’t just go back to your old life.”

“I’m nothing to them.  It’s the old man they want.  He was the one who dobbed them in.”

“It doesn’t work like that.”

She gave me a look of exasperation.  I don’t think she was willing to accept the truth just yet.  As much as I couldn’t believe they simply left her behind.  Not if they cared about her safety.

There was a knock on the front door, not loud, but loud enough.

“Are you expecting someone, anyone?”

“No.”  The exasperation had changed to desperation.  She looked genuinely scared.

The knock was louder and more impatient.

“Hide.  I’ll see who it is.”

She went up the passage and out of sight.  I waited; the next knock now signalling the person on the other side’s next step was to kick the door down.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.  I was expecting the deputy.  It was the reporter.

“Where is she?”

“Who?”

She barged past me, looking in every direction.

“Don’t play dumb.”

I looked at her, and realised her demeanour had changed completely.  I was mistaken as to her identity.

“You are the assassin.”

She glared at me, that same severe expression as before.  “Are you naturally stupid, or what?”

“You’d be surprised if I told you.”

She shrugged.  “Leave now, and I’ll forget you were here.”

In that moment we both heard a noise, a box or case hitting the ground.  Next second she had reached into her voluminous handbag, and I could just see the shape of a gun.

Next second I shot her gun hand then upper leg; she went down, and I was stepping towards her carefully, gun aimed at her head.

Good thing I remembered to bring a silenced weapon, just in case.

The girl came running up the passage and stopped when she saw the reporter, or more likely assassin.

“You,” she said, recognising the assassin. 

“What can I say?  It pays better.”

The girl reached into the assassin’s handbag and pulled out the gun.

I was still processing the fact they knew each other.

She aimed it at the woman on the ground.  I thought it surprising she was not screaming.  I knew what it was like to get shot in the hand.

“Why are you after me?  I did nothing to upset anyone.”

“Guilt by association.  You’re on their list.  Kill me, and they’ll just send someone else.  Let me go, and I’ll forget I saw you.”  She turned to look at me.  “Who the hell are you?:

“Ex Cop.  I thought I’d settled into retirement.  Now I’m going to have to go after some more bad people.  I’m going to give you a choice.  Tell me who sent you or die.  And don’t go with the I got an anonymous call who didn’t leave his or her name.”

“You and I both know who it was.  He gave four of us the assignment.  One fails; there are three others.  And no, I don’t know who the other three are.”

“Were you ever a reporter?”

“Yes.  Gets me places others can’t.  Not very good though, but it doesn’t matter.  This was going to be my last job.  One way or another.  Do what you have to.”

I shrugged.  I wasn’t that sort of person

My sister’s daughter was.  Spending time with the Johnsons had turned her into a monster. Or maybe living with her mother.

Or…

“You were left behind specially for this reason.  You didn’t really need me.”

She looked down at the dead reporter.  “Cleaning up after their mess.  You’re right, though; I didn’t.  My mother said you were always a horrible child that made her life hell.  It seemed like a two birds with one stone moment.”

She aimed the gun at me.

“I’ll tell mother you said hi.”

Pity.  Killers who like the idea of announcing their intentions never get to live long lives.  I’d met a few and recognised the signs.  Added to the fact my sister never liked me and I thought it odd she had wanted me to do anything for her other than die.

Another reason why I brought the gun.

She was dead before she hit the ground.  It was a waste of life, and I hated killing people.  It was basically why they retired me early.  I wouldn’t get tough on the criminals.

This was a waste of two lives.  Reporter/assassins and wannabe bad girls.  I took my gun and cleared any fingerprints. I was not new to the game of ensuring no evidence pointed the gun to me, then staging the scene so it looked like the two of them killed each other.

Been there and done that a few times.

It was, all in all, a very strange situation. 

I had two calls to make.

My sister answered on the second ring.  “Tell me you killed the bastard.”

I rang my sister on her daughter’s phone, suspecting she would answer the way she did.  The number was on speed dial.  “She might have, had she been smarter, but she was as dumb as you are.  She got killed by an assassin before she could shoot me.  Don’t tell me your plan was for her to assume I’d come, and then kill me.”

“Caught in the crossfire, it seemed good at the time.”

“You never considered the consequences of your actions, never have.  She lived long enough to ask God to rain fire and hell down on me.  I guess that sort of hatred was fed to her by you.”

“You were always such a selfish, self-righteous pain.”

“You were always telling us mere mortals how common and useless wrong we were.  I think the self-righteous label belongs elsewhere.  But whatever was supposed to happen didn’t.  I’m sorry for your loss.  I doubt we will be speaking again.”

I put the phone back where it belonged after bricking it.  There would be a record of a phone call to her mother but not what it was about.  I had no doubt she would try to implicate me, but what did I have to gain?

Her attempt to smear me would fail.

Then I went out the front door, slightly panicky and calling for the deputy.  He saw me and came over, and there, with just the right hint of breathless panic, I related the story of what happened.

He went in and checked them immediately, then called for backup.  He went through all the right steps for a crime scene, asking all the right questions.

Then, over the next three hours, I had those same questions plus more asked over and over.  At least the police department and the sheriff himself knew I was a decorated big-city police officer who knew the ropes, and remembered not to contaminate the scene, but if stray prints were found, there was a legitimate reason.

After that I was free to go, but be available if there were more questions.  There would be, if they did a thorough job.  Not to implicate me; but get a clearer idea why they shot each other.

Then there was only one call left.

A last phone call, one I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to make, and wouldn’t if my niece had left with the rest of her new family.

No one answered the phone.  I just said, “Target four dispatched, debt paid.  You now have a new enemy.”

That was it.  The receiver of the call would know exactly what the message meant.  I looked at my watch.  Just enough time to get home for the family Zoom call.

Who said life in the countryside was going to be boring?

©  Charles Heath  2026