Featured

In a word: Incline

When you first think of this word, it is with a slippery slope in mind.

I’ve been on a few of those in my time.

And while we’re on the subject, those inclines measured in degrees are very important if you want a train to get up and down the side of a mountain.

For the train, that’s an incline plane, the point where traction alone won’t get the iron horse up the hill.

Did I say ‘Iron Horse’?  Sorry, regressed there, back to the mid-1800s in the American West for a moment.

It’s not that important when it comes to trucks and cars, and less so if you like four-wheel driving; getting up near-vertical mountainsides often present a welcome challenge to the true enthusiast

But for the rest of us, not so much if you find yourself sliding in reverse uncontrollably into the bay.  I’m sure it’s happened more than once.

Then…

Are you inclined to go?

A very different sort of incline, ie to be disposed towards an attitude or desire.

An inclination, maybe, not to go four-wheel driving?

There is another, probably more obscure use of the word incline, and that relates to an elevated geological formation.  Not the sort of reference that crops up in everyday conversation at the coffee shop.

But, you never know.  Try it next time you have coffee and see what happens.

Featured

Writing about writing a book – Day 2

Hang about.  Didn’t I read somewhere you need to plan your novel, create an outline setting the plot points, and flesh out the characters?

I’m sure it didn’t say, sit down and start writing!

Time to find a writing pad, and put my thinking cap on.

I make a list, what’s the story going to be about? Who’s going to be in it, at least at the start?

Like a newspaper story, I need a who, what, when, where, and how.

Right now.

 

I pick up the pen.

 

Character number one:

Computer nerd, ok, that’s a little close to the bone, a computer manager who is trying to be everything at once, and failing.  Still me, but with a twist.  Now, add a little mystery to him, and give him a secret, one that will only be revealed after a specific set of circumstance.  Yes, I like that.

We’ll call him Bill, ex-regular army, a badly injured and repatriated soldier who was sent to fight a war in Vietnam, the result of which had made him, at times, unfit to live with.

He had a wife, which brings us to,

Character number two:

Ellen, Bill’s ex-wife, an army brat and a General’s daughter, and the result of one of those romances that met disapproval for so many reasons.  It worked until Bill came back from the war, and from there it slowly disintegrated.  There are two daughters, both by the time the novel begins, old enough to understand the ramifications of a divorce.

Character number three:

The man who is Bill’s immediate superior, the Services Department manager, a rather officious man who blindly follows orders, a man who takes pleasure in making others feel small and insignificant, and worst of all, takes the credit where none is due.

Oops, too much, that is my old boss.  He’ll know immediately I’m parodying him.  Tone it down, just a little, but more or less that’s him.  Last name Benton.  He will play a small role in the story.

Character number four:

Jennifer, the IT Department’s assistant manager, a woman who arrives in a shroud of mystery, and then, in time, to provide Bill with a shoulder to cry on when he and Ellen finally split, and perhaps something else later on.

More on her later as the story unfolds.

So far so good.

What’s the plot?

Huge corporation plotting to take over the world using computers?  No, that’s been done to death.

Huge corporation, OK, let’s stop blaming the corporate world for everything wrong in the world.  Corporations are not bad people, people are the bad people.  That’s a rip off cliché, from guns don’t kill people, people kill people!  There will be guns, and there will be dead people.

There will be people hiding behind a huge corporation, using a part of their computer network to move billions of illegally gained money around.  That’s better.

Now, having got that, our ‘hero’ has to ‘discover’ this network, and the people behind it.

All we need now is to set the ball rolling, a single event that ‘throws a cat among the pigeons’.

Yes, Bill is on holidays, a welcome relief from the problems of work.  He dreams of what he’s going to do for the next two weeks.  The phone rings.  Benton calling, the world is coming to an end, the network is down.  He’s needed.  A few terse words, but he relents.

Pen in hand I begin to write.

 

© Charles Heath 2016-2019

365 Days of writing, 2026 – My Second Story 20

More about my second novel

…

Worthington was in a state, now realising that he had become a target, and immediately assumed it was Zoe at the end of the sniper rifle.

He considers calling John and telling him what just happened, but if Zoe was there with him… 

No, better to attend to the problems at hand.  Arabella wasn’t dead, but it had come very close.  And, he suspected, it was because he had asked her to get a drink for him, and if she had not moved, the damage would be far less.

It was important then to go to the hospital with her and make sure he was there when she woke up to explain what had just happened.  If she would ever speak to him again, that is.

Meanwhile, John is ‘collected’ at his hotel and taken to Olga.  When he wakes up in a rather quaint bedroom or what seems to be a house in the countryside, he only remembers being in the hotel, then nothing.

When he is escorted to the meeting room, it is not the sort of interrogation he was expecting, but he is fascinated with the old Russian woman who claims to be Zoe’s mentor and teacher, and says that she has no interest in harming him; she only wants Zoe back.

John works out that the woman is, in fact, Alistair’s mother and presses her for more information about Zoe.

…

An excerpt from “Amnesia”, a work in progress

I remembered a bang.

I remembered the car slewing sideways.

I remember another bang, and then it was lights out.

When I opened my eyes again, I saw the sky.

Or I could be underwater.

Everything was blurred.

I tried to focus, but I couldn’t. My eyes were full of water.

What happened?

Why was I lying down?

Where was I?

I cast my mind back, trying to remember.

It was a blank.

What, when, who, why and where are questions I should easily be able to answer. These are questions any normal person could answer.

I tried to move. Bad, bad mistake.

I did not realise the scream I heard was my own. Just before my body shut down.

“My God! What happened?”

I could hear, not see. I was moving, lying down, looking up.

I was blind. Everything was black.

“Car accident; hit a tree, sent the passenger flying through the windscreen. Pity to poor bastard didn’t get the message that seat belts save lives.”

Was I that poor bastard?

“Report?” A new voice, male, authoritative.

“Multiple lacerations, broken collar bone, broken arm in three places, both legs broken below the knees, one badly. We are not sure of internal injuries, but ruptured spleen, cracked ribs and pierced right lung are fairly evident, x-rays will confirm that and anything else.”

“What isn’t broken?”

“His neck.”

“Then I would have to say we are looking at the luckiest man on the planet.”

I heard the shuffling of pages.

“OR1 ready?”

“Yes. On standby since we were first advised.”

“Good. Let’s see if we can weave some magic.”

Magic.

It was the first word that popped into my head when I surfaced from the bottom of the lake. That first breath, after holding it for so long, was sublime, and, in reality, agonising.

Magic, because it seemed like I’d spent a long time underwater.

Or somewhere.

I tried to speak but couldn’t. The words were just in my head.

Was it night or was it day?

Was it hot, or was it cold?

Where was I?

Around me, it felt cool.

It was incredibly quiet. No noise except for the hissing of air through an air-conditioning vent. Or that was the sound of pure silence.  And with it the revelation that silence was not silent. It was noisy.

I didn’t try to move.

Instinctively, somehow, I knew not to.

A previous unpleasant experience?

I heard what sounded like a door opening, and noticeably quiet footsteps slowly came into the room. They stopped. I could hear breathing, slightly laboured, a sound I’d heard before.

My grandfather.

He had smoked all his life until he was diagnosed with lung cancer. But for years before that, he had emphysema. The person in the room was on their way down the same path. I could smell the smoke.

I wanted to tell whoever it was the hazards of smoking.

I couldn’t.

I heard a metallic clanging sound from the end of the bed. A moment later, the clicking of a pen, then writing.

“You are in a hospital.” A female voice suddenly said. “You’ve been in a bad accident. You cannot talk or move; all you can do, for the moment, is listen to me. I am a nurse. You have been here for 45 days and just came out of a medically induced coma. There is nothing to be afraid of.”

She had a very soothing voice.

Her fingers stroked the back of my hand.

“Everything is fine.”

Define fine, I thought. I wanted to ask her what ‘fine’ meant.

“Just count backwards from 10.”

Why?

I didn’t reach seven.

Over the next ten days, that voice became my lifeline to sanity. Every morning, I longed to hear it, if only for the few moments she was in the room, those few waking moments when I believed she, and someone else who never spoke, were doing tests. I knew it had to be someone else because I could smell the essence of lavender. My grandmother had worn a similar scent.

It rose above the disinfectant.

She was another doctor, not the one who had been there the day I arrived. Not the one who had used some ‘magic’ and kept me alive.

It was then, in those moments before she put me under again, that I thought, what if I was paralysed? It would explain a lot. A chill went through me.

The next morning, she was back.

“My name is Winifred. We don’t know what your name is, not yet. In a few days, you will be better, and you will be able to ask us questions. You were in an accident, and you were very severely injured, but I can assure you there will be no lasting damage.”

More tests, and then when I expected the lights to go out, they didn’t. Not for a few minutes more. This was how I would be integrated back into the world. A little bit at a time.

The next morning, she came later than usual, and I’d been awake for a few minutes. “You have bandages over your eyes and face. You had bad lacerations to your face and glass in your eyes. We will know more when the bandages come off in a few days. Your face will take longer to heal. It was necessary to do some plastic surgery.”

Lacerations, glass in my eyes, car accidents, plastic surgery. By logical deduction, I knew I was the poor bastard thrown through the windscreen. It was a fleeting memory from the day I was admitted.

How could that happen?

That was the first of many startling revelations. The second was the fact that I could not remember the crash. Equally shocking, in that same moment, was the fact that I could not remember before the crash either, or only vague memories after.

But the most shattering of all these revelations was the one where I realised I could not remember my name.

I tried to calm down, sensing a rising panic.

I was just disoriented, I told myself. After 45 days in an induced coma, it had messed with my mind, and it was only a temporary lapse. Yes, that’s what it was, a temporary lapse. I will remember tomorrow. Or the next day.

Sleep was a blessed relief.

The next day I didn’t wake up feeling nauseous. I think they’d lowered the pain medication. I’d heard that morphine could have that effect. Then, how could I know that but not who I am?

Now I knew Winifred, the nurse, was preparing me for something unbelievably bad. She was upbeat and soothing, giving me a new piece of information each morning. This morning, “You do not need to be afraid. Everything is going to be fine. The doctor tells me you are going to recover with little scarring. You will need some physiotherapy to recover from your physical injuries, but that’s in the future. We need to let you mend a little bit more before then.”

So, I was not going to be able to leap out of bed and walk out of the hospital any time soon. I don’t suppose I’d ever leapt out of bed, except as a young boy. I suspect I’d sustained a few broken bones. I guess learning to walk again was the least of my problems.

But there was something else. I picked it up in the timbre of her voice, a hesitation, or reluctance. It sent another chill through me.

This time, I was left awake for an hour before she returned.

This time, sleep was restless.

Scenes were playing in my mind, nothing I recognised, and nothing lasting longer than a glimpse. Me. Other people, I didn’t know. Or I knew them and couldn’t remember them.

Until they disappeared, slowly like the glowing dot in the centre of the computer screen, before finally fading to black.

The morning the bandages were to come off, she came in early and woke me. I had another restless night, the images becoming clearer, but nothing recognisable.

“This morning, the doctor will be removing the bandages over your eyes. Don’t expect an immediate effect. Your sight may come back quickly, or it may come back slowly, but we believe it will come back.”

I wanted to believe I was not expecting anything, but I was. It was human nature. I did not want to be blind as well as paralysed. I had to have at least one reason to live.

I dozed again until I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. I could smell the lavender; the other doctor was back. And I knew the hand on my shoulder was Winifred’s. She told me not to be frightened.

I was amazed to realise at that moment, I wasn’t.

I heard the scissors cutting the bandages.

I felt the bandage being removed and the pressure coming off my eyes. I could feel the pads covering both eyes.

Then a moment when nothing happened.

Then the pads are gently lifted and removed.

Nothing.

I blinked my eyes, once, twice. Nothing.

“Just hold on a moment,” Winifred said. A few seconds later, I could feel a cool towel wiping my face, and then gently wiping my eyes. There was ointment or something else in them.

Then a flash. Well, not a flash, but like when a light is turned on and off. A moment later, it was brighter, not the inky blackness of before, but a shade of grey.

She wiped my eyes again.

I blinked a few more times, and then the light returned, and it was like looking through water, at distorted and blurry objects in the distance.

I blinked again, and she wiped my eyes again.

Blurry objects took shape. A face looking down on me, an elderly lady with a kindly face, surely Winifred, who was smiling. And on the opposite side of the bed, the doctor, a Chinese woman of indescribable beauty.

I nodded.

“You can see?”

I nodded again.

“Clearly?”

I nodded.

“Very good. We will just draw the curtains now. We don’t want to overdo it. Tomorrow we will be taking off the bandages on your face. Then, it will be the next milestone. Talking.”

I couldn’t wait.

When morning came, I found myself afraid. Winifred had mentioned scarring; there were bandages on my face. I knew, but wasn’t quite sure how I knew, I wasn’t the most handsome of men before the accident, so this might be an improvement.

I was not sure why I didn’t think it would be the case.

They came at mid-morning, the nurse, Winifred, and the doctor, the exquisite Chinese. She was the distraction, taking my mind off the reality of what I was about to see.

Another doctor came into the room before the bandages were removed, and he was introduced as the plastic surgeon who had ‘repaired’ the ravages of the accident. It had been no easy job, but, with a degree of egotism, he did say he was one of the best in the world.

I found it hard to believe that if he were, he would be at a small country hospital.

“Now just remember, what you might see now is not how you will look in a few months.”

Warning enough.

The Chinese doctor started removing the bandages. She did it slowly and made sure it did not hurt. My skin was very tender, and I suspect still bruised, either from the accident or the surgery, I didn’t know.

Then it was done.

The plastic surgeon gave his work a thorough examination and seemed pleased with it. “Coming along nicely,” he said to the other doctor. He issued some instructions on how to manage the skin, nodded to me, and I thanked him before he left.

I noticed Winifred had a mirror in her hand and was reticent in using it. “As I said,” she said, noticing me looking at the mirror, “what you see now will not be the result. The doctor said it was going to heal with little scarring. You have been extremely fortunate that he was available. Are you ready?”

I nodded.

She showed me.

I tried not to be reviled at the red and purple mess that used to be my face. At a guess, I would have to say he had to put it all back together again, but not knowing what I looked like before, I had no benchmark. All I had was a snippet of memory that told me I was not the tall, dark, and handsome type.

And I still could not talk. There was a reason; he had worked in that area too. Just breathing hurt. I think I would save up anything I had to say for another day. I could not even smile. Or frown. Or grimace.

“We’ll leave you for a while. Everyone needs a little time to get used to the change. I suspect you are not sure if there has been an improvement in last year’s model. Well, time will tell.”

A new face?

I could not remember the old one.

My memory still hadn’t returned.

…

©  Charles Heath  2024-2026

The cinema of my dreams – I never wanted to go to Africa – Episode 34

Our hero knows he’s in serious trouble.

The problem is, there are familiar faces and a question of who is a friend and who is foe made all the more difficult because of the enemy, if it was the enemy, simply because it didn’t look or sound or act like the enemy.

Now, it appears, his problems stem from another operation he participated in, and because of it, he has now been roped into what might be called a suicide mission.

…

I had hoped we’d land in daylight, but I could see the benefits of arriving at the landing strip after darkness had fallen, and a more primitive form of landing lights had been used.

Less interest from the local people and no bright lights lighting up the runway.

The only lights I could see from the air were the primitive landing lights, fires burning in used fuel drums, and a glimmer of light emanating from two of the buildings set back from the airstrip.

It did worry me, probably more than it should, that the pilots would be landing a plane of this size in virtually a paddock, flying by the seat of their pants, and all credit to them if they got the plane on the ground.  I guessed they’d flown into more than one hot spot around the world, and at least at this one, they were not being shot at.

Their turn around would be quick, just enough time to take on a small amount of fuel and then leave.  No one had said if it would be a fuel tanker or by drums and hand pumps.

The plane had a short distance to go from the end of the runway to what might be called terminal buildings.  The moment the engines were cut, there was a flurry of movement, and after the fuselage door was quickly opened by the co-pilot, then the rear access ramp lowered and standing at the end, once it hit the ground, I could see a tanker and a Land Rover heading towards the rear of the plane, with only small headlamps on.

Monroe had joined me.  Behind me was a hive of activity as the team moved the crates of camera equipment to the end of the ramp, and then the individual packs.  Jacobi was escorted down on the ground by his two-man guard.

“Is this necessary,” he asked as he passed by me

I ignored him.

The Range Rover stopped just by the bottom of the ramp, and two men got out, one I assumed was Colonel Chiswick, former British Army, came over to train the local soldiers, and didn’t go home, and the other a Ugandan soldier with Sergeant stripes.  Perhaps this was one of their airfields feeding supplies and troops for border patrol duties.

Monroe went down first, and I followed.

Chiswick came up to me, holding out a hand.  “James, I presume?”  I shook it.

I nodded towards Jill, “And Monroe.”

“Welcome to nowhere in particular.”

In the distance, another three Range Rovers were heading towards the plane and then stopped within easy distance of the ramp to easily facilitate the moving of the camera equipment into the rear.  Drivers of the cars ushered them, taking their packs and putting them in the back.

I saw a meaningful look pass between Jacobi and Chiswick.  They knew each other.  No surprises there.  If Chiswick was running this base, then he’d have to know about Jacobi whom we knew had friends in all the high places on every side of the fence.

Another car pulled up, a jeep.  “For your man to get to the base.  I gather he has his instructions?”

Mobley nodded, threw his pack in the back, and the jeep drove off.

“Nice night,” Chiswick said, finally, “Glad it’s not raining, or it would have been a rather sticky landing.”

“How long before the plane leave?”

“About an hour.  Don’t worry.  Planes come and go here all the time, so no one really cares much.”

The crates, packs and other men were loaded and taken away.  Monroe had a final word to the pilot, now down on the ground and supervising the fuel loading, then joined me in the Colonel’s car.

“You’ll be leaving just before first light.  Best to get away before the villagers stir.  There will be one or two curious souls, but they’re harmless.  The soldiers here have been informed that you are here for a training exercise, nothing unusual as we get squads from all over from time to time.  As I said, your arrival will have caused little interest.”

From the locals.  It was anyone else other than the locals I was worried about. 

“Excellent.”


There was not much else to talk about in the few minutes it took to get to the compound at the back of the so-called terminal buildings.  It consisted of about ten large barracks, an administration building, and what looked to be a mess.

Pale lights were showing from one of the barracks, and seeing the cars parked out the front, I assumed this was where we would stay until we departed.

The Colonel didn’t get out of the car.  “We’ll be leaving at 04:00 tomorrow morning.  Make sure you’re ready to go.”

“You’re coming too?”

“Bamfield asked me.  Wants to make sure you had someone who knows the lie of the land.”

“I thought you’d delegate that to a few of the soldiers.”

“No.  Can’t have them involved in an incursion or there will be trouble.  This is an off the book’s operation.  Looking forward to it, actually.  There are a few people over there I’d like to have a talk to if we get the time.”

I shrugged.  Just one more problem to deal with.  The Colonel didn’t strike me as being a talker, but a man who let actions define who he was.  And just because Bamfield vouched for him didn’t mean he might be not be working on his own retirement fund.

…

© Charles Heath 2019-2022

“The Devil You Don’t”, she was the girl you would not take home to your mother!

Now only $0.99 at https://amzn.to/2Xyh1ow

…

John Pennington’s life is in the doldrums. Looking for new opportunities, and prevaricating about getting married, the only joy on the horizon was an upcoming visit to his grandmother in Sorrento, Italy.

Suddenly he is left at the check-in counter with a message on his phone telling him the marriage is off, and the relationship is over.

If only he hadn’t promised a friend he would do a favour for him in Rome.

At the first stop, Geneva, he has a chance encounter with Zoe, an intriguing woman who captures his imagination from the moment she boards the Savoire, and his life ventures into uncharted territory in more ways than one.

That ‘favour’ for his friend suddenly becomes a life-changing event, and when Zoe, the woman who he knows is too good to be true, reappears, danger and death follow.

Shot at, lied to, seduced, and drawn into a world where nothing is what it seems, John is dragged into an adrenaline-charged undertaking, where he may have been wiser to stay with the ‘devil you know’ rather than opt for the ‘devil you don’t’.

newdevilcvr6

The Cinema of My Dreams – It ended in Sorrento – Episode 56

Looking for a missing countess

…

No one mentioned the real Countess or her sister.

Did they know?  Did Dicostini have them?  He had to.

Cecilia was very disappointed she couldn’t shoot anyone.  I was too, for different reasons.

Perhaps the only good thing to come out of it was that it didn’t look like Juliet was a party to the whole plan, just a part of it if Plan A didn’t work.

Cecelia packed up the rifle and I replaced everything in the hamper. 

“That was fun?”

“Wasn’t it?”

“How did you guess?”

“I would have sooner if the research team had done its job properly.  There was only one thing that could cause this level of trouble.  Greed.  It’s not what we usually deal with.  I prefer power-crazy megalomaniacs trying to take over the world.”

“I could write a script.  What do you think?”

“Been done to death I would think.”

“Are we going back to smash a few heads?  I feel like a little gratuitous violence, especially against that lot.”

“As tempting as those sounds, no.  We now have to do a search of every one of their properties, starting with those without any signs of life.  Long, hard, and tedious.”

“Are you trying to make it sound exciting?”

I gave her a searching look.  “You’re crazy, you know that.”

“Of course.  Why do you think I’m here with you.”

We had a week, but I was hoping it would not take that long.  There were less than ten other properties where the women could be located, and we started with the two closest.

The property we were on, now, would have to wait until after dark.  Cecelia had noted that there were a half dozen workers tending the vines during the day, as well as office and maintenance staff.  Quite a few employees for a place that wasn’t financially viable.

The nearest was another plot of vines, with a different grape variety, and I suspect possibly added from another winery that wasn’t viable.  Cecelia picked them as either Trebbiano or Vermentino, using her cell phone to identify them.

That’s how boring the search was going.  Three outbuildings that reeked of musty wine, quite a few old barrels, or barrels waiting to be filled, and old farm machinery that was rusting out.

There was also a vintage BMW under a tarpaulin that might be worth quite a sum of money.  If it didn’t have the front smashed in.  I took a photograph of the car for future reference, that thought that Anna believed Dicostini was responsible for the death of her husband.

Was that the car involved in the accident?

The second property was more of less the same as the first, but this one had a villa on it, fallen into disrepair.  There were a few people working in the fields next to the property, so we had to be careful not to be seen.

It was a large house, musty, with little furniture and large open spaces.  It must have been a comfortable place once.  I checked for a basement while Cecelia checked for an attic, or signs of life upstairs.  I found there were new locks in the doors and a room with two beds, unmade, and by the look of the dust layer, hadn’t been used in a few years.

It was an initial ray of hope very quickly snuffed out.

Day one was over, with no progress to report.  I sent a message to Rodby in code, just in case his new ‘wife’ accidentally on purpose picked up his phone.

I wondered how that was going for him.  It would be a situation he had not had to deal with before, and maybe this would hasten his thoughts to retiring and getting out of what was becoming a very dirty business.

On our way back to the hotel, Cecilia said, “What do you think Francesca’s been up to?”

“I’d be surprised if she didn’t go to see Anna.”

“For what purpose.”

“I’m sure her boss would like her to touch base, and assure her everything that can be done, is being done.”

“Except they’re waiting for us to do their job for them.”

“As long as we find them, it doesn’t matter.  It’s going to get a little tricky if we can’t liberate them without letting anyone know.  There’s no telling how much collateral damage there’ll be.”

“There never is, but I like to try and avoid it if possible.  Rodby likes his ‘by any and all means possible’, but, as you know, I operate differently.  You stick with me for too long you might lose your objectivity.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m here.  I’m usually the exact opposite.”

I would not have pegged her for an ‘all means possible’ person, but then she was an actress and was very good at being different people.  Her strength lay in being a total chameleon.  Then that picture in my mind of her with the sniper rifle at Larry’s mother’s place left me with a shiver down my spine.

I would wrap this up as quickly as possible, send her home, and go back to my once quiet life.

© Charles Heath 2023

The 2am Rant: I find myself in a very strange world

And I don’t know how I got here. I have a sneaking suspicion that I stepped through a portal, only I didn’t recognise it as one until I reached this side.

I say this side because the world I’m in now is not the world I remember from a while back, well, perhaps a year or so. Time passes very slowly here.

Before everything made sense, China didn’t hate us, and we had just finished touring some of the most remarkable sights of that very country.

There was no coronavirus and I didn’t fear for my life, and the fact I had a compromised immune system didn’t matter a hoot, except for the constant pain in my lower back and hands, the result of psoriatic arthritis going berserk as I get older.

My grandchildren were in school, alternately loving and hating it, and every Friday I would get one from school and she would tell me how her world was hell, and I had no idea what it was like.

Another would start all her sentences with ‘basically’, and the other would end hers with ‘like’.

I would lament the fact our schools no longer teach proper English, and we could sit around and talk about the YA novel I was writing for them, and that they were the characters in this mythical kingdom. And, yes, they are princesses, if not crotchety one day, and all smiles and goodness the next.

And, in an instant, that whole world was blown away.

Am I angry? I was. A year is too long to be mad at everyone and everything.

Have I a different outlook on life? Yes, I live every day as if it was my last, because the truth is, it just might be.

Can I travel anywhere? No. There’s too much risk in a world where few people under the age of 65 care about consequences.

Is there a reason to live? You may well ask.

I have thought about this often, lying awake in bed every morning, asking myself why I would bother getting up. I can’t go anywhere, I can’t do very much.

But…

We have here an almost remarkable record in keeping the coronavirus at bay, so we have some freedom. We can’t leave the country, and every other month a state or two closes its borders, so travelling outside the state is too risky. The schools are back, and I resumed pick-up duties last Friday, and, yes, the sweetness of the complaints about school life is like music to my ears.

Have I a reason to live? Yes. There are three girls, and grandchildren, one 13, one 16, and one 19. The 13-year-old is in the first year of secondary school, the 16-year-old lamenting the fourth year of secondary school, and the 19-year-old is about to embark on the terrors of tertiary education. She can also drive herself, a shred of independence that has changed her outlook, going from a child to someone more mature.

I hadn’t realized how much their lives were in such a constant state of change. Nor had I realized how much they prefer to tell me about it rather than their parents.

So, the answer to that deep and meaningful question is, is there a reason to live?

Yes. We can have so many things we think are essential to living our lives taken away, but in the end, they are all but superficial. You can lose a car, some of your mobility, a house, or any sort of chattel, but they are insignificant. What matters most, and always will, is family. I’m lucky, and indeed, extremely grateful, to have mine so near.

Now I suppose I should be getting to bed. Tomorrow, I have just been informed, I’m rostered on in what is known as ‘poppy’s taxi’.

And ready to hear the next enthralling episode of school life these days.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 142

Day 142 – Writing is many contradictions

…

The Art of the Split Consciousness: Why Every Writer Must Be Two People

Writing is a profession built on paradox. We sit in silence to communicate with the world; we spend hours in solitude to understand the collective human experience; and, perhaps most curiously, we must be both the creator and the critic at the exact same moment.

Albert Camus, a titan of literature and philosophy, famously captured this internal friction when he noted that a writer “must be two persons.”

But what does it mean to split one’s consciousness in the service of the craft? And why is this internal duality the secret to truly connecting with an audience?

The Creator and the Stranger

Camus argued that a writer must possess a dual identity to effectively “translate what one feels into what one wants others to feel.”

If you only write from the perspective of the Creator, you are essentially journaling. You are purging your own emotions, fueled by the raw, unrefined intensity of your personal experience. This is necessary for the spark of an idea, but it is rarely enough to sustain a reader. The Creator knows exactly what you mean; the Creator feels the weight of the memories behind every word.

But the reader? The reader arrives at your page as a stranger. They don’t know your context, your history, or the specific ache in your chest that birthed the sentence.

This is where the second person—the Stranger—must step in.

The Power of Detachment

The “Stranger” is the part of the writer that treats the manuscript like an alien artifact. It is the cold, analytical eye that looks at a paragraph and asks, “Does this make sense if I have never lived this moment?”

To write well is to master the art of detachment. You must be able to step outside of your own ego and look at your prose as if you were picking it up in a library, written by an author you’ve never met. When you read as a stranger, you start to notice where the logic gaps are, where the prose becomes self-indulgent, and where the emotional core is buried under too many adjectives.

Bridging the Gap: Why Writers Need Readers

Ultimately, the goal of this internal division is connection. We don’t write solely to process our thoughts; we write to bridge the gap between two minds.

Camus knew that writing is a form of translation. You are taking the abstract, messy, and deeply personal language of your internal life and converting it into a language that others can consume, understand, and feel. Without that “Stranger” perspective, we are merely shouting into a void. We are writing for the person who already knows what we’re saying: ourselves.

Embracing the Duality

If you find yourself struggling to edit your own work, or feeling like your writing doesn’t quite “land” with your audience, you might be leaning too heavily on one side of your personality.

You need the Creator to dream up the vision, to bleed onto the page, and to find the truth. But you need the Stranger to finish the job. You need the Stranger to be the audience-in-residence—the one who holds the pen steady and asks, “Is this true for them, too?”

Writing is a contradiction because it requires you to be both deeply vulnerable and completely objective. It’s a difficult balance to strike, but it’s the only way to ensure that what we feel, someone else will feel, too.

So, the next time you sit down to write, don’t just ask yourself what you want to say. Ask yourself if the stranger reading your work will understand why it matters.

…

What I learned about writing – Patronage, good or bad

Three Jobs for One Dream: Is Patronage a Blessing or a Breaking Point?

Ah, the writer’s life. It’s often romanticised, conjuring images of solitary genius, ink-stained fingers, and profound insights emerging from quiet contemplation. But behind many of those published tomes and celebrated screenplays, there’s a less glamorous, often unspoken reality: the support system. Specifically, the partner who shoulders the financial burden, allowing the artist to pursue their muse.

This brings us to a crucial question that buzzes in the ears of many aspiring writers and their long-suffering loved ones: Is patronage for writers, particularly from a spouse, a noble sacrifice or a ticking time bomb?

The Romantic Ideal vs. The Hard Realities

Let’s start with the ideal. The notion that a spouse should work three jobs – the early morning shift, the afternoon grind, and the late-night gig – all to allow their other half to finally tackle that novel, screenplay, or poetry collection they’ve always dreamed of writing. On the surface, it speaks of deep love, unwavering belief, and a shared vision for a future where one partner’s creative potential is fully realised. It’s an echo of historical patronage, albeit a deeply personal and intimate one.

And sometimes, it works. Sometimes, that sacrifice leads to a breakthrough, a published work, and a shared sense of accomplishment that strengthens the bond. The story of the supportive partner becomes part of the legend, a testament to true love and artistic dedication.

But let’s be honest, those success stories are often the exception, not the rule. More frequently, this intense level of spousal patronage breeds a complex cocktail of emotions that can corrode the very foundation of a relationship.

The Weight of Expectation and the Erosion of Self

Imagine the partner working those three jobs. Their days are a blur of labour, their nights are for crashing, not connecting. Their own dreams, hobbies, and personal growth are shelved indefinitely. They’re not just bringing home the bacon; they’re the entire farm.

On the other side, the writer, theoretically freed to create, often carries a crushing weight of expectation. Every blank page feels like a failure. Every hour not spent writing feels like a betrayal of the sacrifice being made for them. The pressure to “make it” becomes immense, turning the creative process, which should be joyful, into a source of debilitating anxiety.

This imbalance isn’t just financial. It’s emotional, physical, and psychological.

  • For the working partner: Resentment begins to brew. Why are their dreams less important? Why is their exhaustion not acknowledged? Loneliness can set in, as the shared life they once had morphs slowly into one person supporting another’s isolated pursuit.
  • For the writer: Guilt gnaws. The fear of failure paralyses. Self-doubt magnifies. The creative well, instead of being nurtured, can dry up under the immense pressure to justify the cost.

At What Point Does It Become a Breaking Point?

This is the critical question. When does a loving dedication transform into an unsustainable burden? It’s rarely a sudden explosion; it’s more often a slow, insidious erosion, like water carving a canyon.

The breaking point isn’t just about financial strain, though that’s a huge part of it. It’s when:

  1. Communication ceases: Conversations become solely about bills, children, or the writer’s progress, with no room for personal connection, shared joys, or the working partner’s struggles.
  2. Resentment openly festers: Passive-aggressive comments, silent treatments, or outright arguments become commonplace, revealing the deep-seated anger and frustration.
  3. Physical and mental health deteriorate: The working partner is constantly exhausted, stressed, or depressed. The writer is crippled by anxiety, guilt, or isolation.
  4. The “dream” becomes an excuse: When the creative project repeatedly fails to materialise, or shows no significant progress despite years of sacrifice, the partner may start to see it not as a dream, but as an endless deferment of a shared future.
  5. A lack of reciprocity: The working partner realises their sacrifice is not being met with gratitude, practical help (where possible), or a concrete plan for future balance, but rather an expectation of continued, uncritical support.
  6. Loss of shared identity: The couple stops being a partnership and becomes a patron-artist dynamic, with clear roles but little give-and-take.

Finding a Sustainable Path Forward

So, is spousal patronage inherently bad? Not necessarily. But the extreme scenario of one partner working three jobs for years on end is almost certainly unsustainable and, frankly, unfair.

Instead of an all-or-nothing approach, consider a more balanced, communicative, and realistic path:

  • Open and Honest Communication: Regularly discuss finances, progress, expectations, and most importantly, how both partners are feeling.
  • Set Clear Timelines and Goals: “I’ll focus on writing for X months/years, and if it hasn’t generated income/interest by then, we’ll re-evaluate.” This provides a roadmap and reduces open-ended sacrifice.
  • Shared Responsibility: Can the writer contribute in other ways? Part-time work, freelancing, managing the household, picking up childcare? Even a small income can alleviate significant pressure.
  • Define Success Beyond Publication: Success can also mean completing a draft, getting positive feedback, or simply the joy of the creative process.
  • Prioritize the Relationship: Remember why you’re together. Your shared life, well-being, and happiness should take precedence over any single project.

The journey of a writer is often long and arduous. Support is invaluable. But that support should never come at the cost of the supporter’s well-being, nor should it become an endless burden that ultimately breaks the very relationship it sought to nurture. True partnership means nurturing both the individual dreams and the collective future.

What are your thoughts? Have you experienced or witnessed similar sit

Searching for locations – Lake Louise, Canada

I was not sure what I expected to see when we first arrived at the Fairmont Hotel in Lake Louise, Alberta, Canada.

I’d seen endless photographs both in Winter and in Summer, and the problem with photos is that they never quite prepare you for reality.

That’s not to say that our first impression was of incredible scenery, it was of the front door if it could be called that, where we pulled up in the car, and then, if the sub-zero temperatures, a mad rush to get the baggage out, and get into the warmth of the foyer, which was almost the size of several football fields, and then some.

Check-in was quick and easy, and then we went to our room on the first floor.  I had hoped to be higher up, but, being a corner room, when we got there, the views could not be more majestic.

I could not believe there were people who were willing to take a sleigh ride in the minus degree temperatures.  Don’t let the sunny aspect fool you; it’s freezing cold, literally, outside.

The lake had frozen over, and a closer look showed there was a skating rink, an ice castle, and a hockey rink as well.  People were skating and walking over the frozen surface of the lake.

No skating or walking on thin ice here.

Venturing outside into the cold, you have to be rugged up, and definitely, have both a hat and gloves.  It was minus six degrees.

There’s this amazing hotel, just like you would see in the movies

A frozen lake where you’re half expecting to open up and a huge spaceship, or something else, come out

Mountainsides to climb, but only if you are stark staring mad.  And, of course, if you don’t freeze to death before you get there.

Our room, believe it or not, is on the extreme right-hand side, just above the first roofline.

Tomorrow we will venture further out onto the lake.

Tonight, it’s dinner in the main restaurant.

In a word: Story

All of us writers know what this is, the sort of combination of words that all come together as a story.  A tale about anything, whether it is true or just plain fiction.

A story can be long, or it can be short.  It could be a magazine or newspaper article, or it could be what a child tells their mother or father when they get into trouble.

Come to think of it, I think that’s where I got an interest in writing stories, because as a child, I was always in trouble.

Of course, if you are telling certain types of stories, then it’s bound to be a lie.  And made even worse if it is gossip!

That story might even be my interpretation of events, and as it happens, no two stories may be the same, especially if I and others had witnessed the same event.

This is not to be confused with the other version, storey, which is a single level in a building, one that might have thirty or more stories.

And, just to add to the confusion, living in Brisbane in Australia, we have the Storey Bridge.