What I learned about writing – Horror stories

From Gothic Gloom to Psychological Dread: The Evolving Art of Horror

The chill that creeps up your spine when you read a truly terrifying tale. It’s a sensation as old as storytelling itself, yet it continues to evolve, morphing and adapting to the anxieties and imaginations of each new era. When we look back at the foundational figures of literary horror, like Edgar Allan Poe and Mary Shelley, we marvel at the sheer ingenuity of their creations. But understanding how they conjured such potent nightmares is key to appreciating the genre’s enduring power, and how authors like William Peter Blatty and Stephen King have, in turn, reshaped its landscape.

The Seeds of Terror: Poe and Shelley’s Gothic Visions

When Edgar Allan Poe penned tales of premature burial, haunted houses, and descent into madness, he tapped into a deep well of human fears. His horror wasn’t always about external monsters; it often lurked within the human psyche. Poe, a master of atmosphere and psychological introspection, drew inspiration from:

  • The Grim Realities of His Time: Poe lived through periods of significant social upheaval and personal tragedy. His own experiences with loss, poverty, and mental illness undoubtedly fueled his explorations of the darker aspects of the human condition.
  • Gothic Literary Traditions: He inherited a rich tradition of Gothic literature, with its crumbling castles, spectral apparitions, and brooding protagonists. Poe took these tropes and infused them with a more visceral, psychological intensity.
  • Scientific and Philosophical Debates: The burgeoning interest in science, death, and the nature of consciousness during his era likely played a role. He explored the fragility of the mind and the terrifying unknown that lay beyond the veil of sanity.

Similarly, Mary Shelley’s creation of Frankenstein wasn’t born in a vacuum. Her “modern Prometheus” was a product of:

  • Intellectual Circles and Revolutionary Ideas: Shelley was surrounded by Romantic poets and thinkers who debated the ethics of scientific advancement and the very essence of life. The scientific experiments of the time, aiming to understand and even replicate life, provided a fertile ground for her imagination.
  • Personal Loss and the Fear of the Unnatural: Shelley experienced profound grief with the loss of her mother and later her own children. This personal experience of death and the potential for “unnatural” creation likely fueled her exploration of a being brought to life through artificial means and the subsequent tragedy that ensued.
  • The Power of Myth and the Sublime: The idea of creating life, of playing God, is an ancient human fascination. Shelley tapped into this, blending it with the Romantic fascination for the sublime – the awe-inspiring, yet terrifying, power of nature and human endeavour.

Both Poe and Shelley, in their distinct ways, explored the anxieties of their times, the fragility of the human mind and body, and the intoxicating, often dangerous, allure of the unknown. Their horror was deeply rooted in the human experience, albeit amplified and distorted for terrifying effect.

The Evolution of Fear: Blatty and King’s Transformative Impact

Fast forward to the latter half of the 20th century, and the landscape of horror had broadened considerably. Authors like William Peter Blatty and Stephen King didn’t just build upon the foundations of their predecessors; they fundamentally altered the architecture of terror.

William Peter Blatty and the Resurgence of Supernatural Dread:

Blatty’s The Exorcist was a seismic event in horror. While supernatural threats existed before, Blatty’s novel brought a visceral, intensely religious horror to the forefront. His genius lay in:

  • Grounding the Supernatural in the Real: He took a seemingly ordinary family and an everyday setting and plunged them into extraordinary, terrifying events. This made the horror feel all the more potent because it could, theoretically, happen to anyone.
  • Exploring Faith and Doubt: The Exorcist delved into the battle between good and evil, faith and disbelief, and the terrifying possibility that malevolent forces could possess and corrupt even the innocent. This psychological and spiritual dimension resonated deeply with audiences.
  • Unflinching Realism in the Face of the Unexplained: Despite the supernatural elements, Blatty presented the demonic possession with a horrifyingly realistic depiction of physical and psychological torment, blurring the lines between the tangible and the infernal.

Stephen King: The Master of Modern Anxiety:

Stephen King, arguably the most prolific and influential horror writer of our time, has transformed the genre by making the mundane terrifying and by tapping into the collective anxieties of modern life. His impact is multifaceted:

  • Relatable Characters and Settings: King excels at creating ordinary people in extraordinary, often horrifying, circumstances. His characters are flawed, relatable, and deeply human, making their struggles against the forces of evil all the more compelling. His settings often feel familiar – small towns, suburban houses – making the intrusion of horror feel all the more shocking.
  • The Breadth of Horror: King’s monsters aren’t confined to ghosts or demons. He explores cosmic horrors (like in It), technological terrors, the monstrousness of human nature, and the psychological horrors of addiction, grief, and trauma. He’s a chameleon, masterfully adapting to and defining various subgenres of horror.
  • The Power of Childhood Fears: Many of King’s most iconic stories tap into the primal fears of childhood – the monster under the bed, the lurking stranger, the loss of innocence. He understands that these early anxieties can linger and become even more potent in adulthood.
  • Social Commentary Woven into Terror: King often uses his horror narratives to explore social issues and contemporary anxieties, from racism and prejudice in The Outsider to the emptiness of consumer culture in The Long Walk. His stories are often a reflection of the world around us, amplified to terrifying proportions.

The Throughline of Fear:

What connects Poe and Shelley to Blatty and King? It’s the fundamental human capacity for fear, coupled with the author’s ability to tap into our deepest anxieties, whether they are existential dread, the fear of the unknown, the fragility of sanity, or the encroaching darkness in the seemingly ordinary.

Poe gave us the internal descent into madness. Shelley showed us the terrifying consequences of unchecked ambition and the “unnatural.” Blatty brought the battle between good and evil into our homes and churches. And King, in his vast and varied career, has made us question the safety of our neighborhoods, the demons within ourselves, and the terrifying possibilities that lurk just a page away.

The art of horror is a constantly evolving beast. It adapts, it transforms, and it continues to enthral us by reminding us, in the most exhilarating and terrifying ways, of our own vulnerabilities and the vast, mysterious darkness that surrounds us. And for that, we owe a deep debt.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 146

Day 146 – Writing exercise

After what happened, he knew that his first day at the post office was also going to be his last.

Of course, it depended on what your version of a post office was.

To most, it was a place where one went to buy stamps and put mail into collection boxes, and where letters and parcels arriving there were sorted and delivered.

To a select group of people, charged with protecting the country and its people from foreign intervention, a post office was something completely different.

It was a post where a selective group of experts worked, a team of operatives, their handler, the researchers, the briefer, the supply chain.

Those posts were called post offices and their employees were postal workers.

We had post offices all over the world, though it would be true to say that when overseas, they were part of the embassy or consulate.

We coexisted with other services, those more well-known and had a much higher profile.

It was the perfect cover, because anyone clever enough to hack into the post office computer servers would find we were all simply ordinary people.

Who did extraordinary things.

Sometimes.

….

As the officer at the training establishment said when we were given a departing lecture before getting our first assignments, we put the secret into a secret agent.

Most of us thought that was amusing, being only ten out of the two hundred that applied.  I had only applied as a joke, after spending two years roaming Europe after graduating from University.

I didn’t want to become a lawyer, and had fought the family tradition as long as I’d could until succumbing to pressure.  Like father, like son, like his father before him.

It was more about power and wealth, two things I was not interested in.  Call it rebellion, but unlike my brothers and sisters, I did not like the life that it afforded us.  Perhaps once, but once you mingle with the less fortunate, you get to see the world as it really is.

It was something my gather couldn’t understand.

So, according to my parents, I went off the rails.  I became the black sheep, the one everyone has; the others turned out just fine, thank you.

I saw them once before I finally disappeared, when they were in Paris at the apartment that my paternal grandmother had bequeathed to my father.

She had died the week before, and I made the effort to go to her funeral.  She had understood my disdain, though she did not understand why I stayed away.

I meant to stay out of sight, but my sister, Eileen, had seen me standing back from the others and came over, at first not recognising me.

She was not as bad as my brothers, had her moments of both acquiescence and rebellion, but had settled down to follow tradition.

I had expressed disappointment and our last words were harsh.

I watched her come over, trying to figure out who would turn up at a funeral and not want to be seen.

It was cold, but it was not why a shiver went down my spine.  Fear?  Maybe, but I just saw my father, and that brought back a far worse memory.

“Do I know you?” She asked.

“Does it matter?”

Then her expression changed.  Recognition.  We could change our appearance, sometimes radically, but not our eyes or voices.  Especially in a moment where we forget we’re playing a role.

“Gerry?”

I sighed.  “Don’t tell the rest of them I was here.  They wouldn’t understand.”

“And i would?”  There was a touch of anger in her tone, not surprising.  “Where have you been?”

“Bumming around Europe.  You know,  I sent postcards.”

To her, no one else.  Whether she kept them or tossed them in the bin was of no consequence.

“Yes.  When you felt like it.  Are you coming home?”

“No.”

“You going to see the others?”

The thought had crossed my mind until I remembered the last argument with both my parents.  I had expected some support from my mother, but she just agreed with my father.  It was the deciding factor in leaving.

“No.  I got sick of the same old arguments.  Dad cut me off, so I learned to fly on my own.  It’s a whole different world out there.”

“You’d cut your nose off to spite your face, Gerry.  You finished your law degree, then wasted it.”

That was my father speaking.  She had a mind of her own.  Once.  Now she had folded perfectly into the family mould.

“Law is boring.  Working for my father would be even more so.  We both know his attentions are firmly focused on the prodigal son, James.  The rest are just pawns to be manipulated.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way.”

I shook my head.  She would, like the others, never understand.

“So what are you going to do?”

“Diplomacy with the state department.”  It was the go-to explanation of our lives to anyone we used to know.  “I get my first posting in a few days.  It’ll probably be somewhere in Africa, knowing my luck.”

She looked me up and down, and I suspect she didn’t believe a word I was telling her.  She was the only one who could tell when I was lying, though I was a lot better at it now than back then.

“So, this is it, and you’re off again.”

“I’m the black sheep, Sis.  The stain on the family name.  I think I have reached Uncle Harry’s level of infamy.”

“So that’s what Dad was going on about.  The one in every generation.  Wow.  Despite the fact you’re nothing like him.”  Then she rounded on me.  “Unless you are.  What’s really going on with you?”

I could imagine my father filling her head with nonsense.

“I simply chose a different vocation.  See the world, help solve crises before they become crises, not help criminals get away with murder.  I’m sorry if I have a conscience, and it doesn’t suit family values.  I think I’ve seen and heard enough, Eileen.  Tell them you saw me or not, I don’t care.”

It was foolish of me to think they might have changed.  They had not.  If anything, my father had succeeded in turning my siblings against me, and if that was the case, so be it.

It made it easy for me to just walk away and never see them again.

I was sent to Rome for my first posting.  In the briefing with the assignments officer, I was told that the handler, Jacob Weissman, was old school, a man who had a particular way of doing things, and he expected obedience.  He was also in the last year before retirement.

It was also the office with the highest turnover of agents.  The incentive to go there was that if I lasted the distance, I would be considered for a leadership role.

It wasn’t particularly high on my list of priorities; I was more interested in getting experience in the field first, and that generally took five years at least.  If you survived.

I flew to Rome on a Wednesday and was due in the office on Thursday.  I’d been to Italy and Rome before, post graduation and didn’t like it, instead staying in Florence, and getting lost in the ancient history.

The Rome post office was in a back street, cobbled roadway and ancient bricks, making the inside very cool compared to the heat outside.

There was a man in a suit sitting at a desk with a computer and, no doubt, a gun ready to shoot anyone who looked like trouble.

I gave him my letter of introduction, which was specially coded and verified by fingerprint.

He gave me a temporary pass that got me into the main office, where I was met by the administrative officer and taken to the situation room.  There, the panel was waiting.

Jacob Weissman, handler and Head of Station.

Rebecca Abernathy, Administrative Officer.

Julie Grassmier, Operations Manager.

Bethany Myers and Jack Blumenthal, the research team.

Five on one side of the table and me on the other, just like my university admissions interview.  Not a welcoming smile among them.  I had expected one or more agents to be in attendance.

Jacob opened the file he had in front of him.  It was thin, with plenty of room for additions.  It held the documents from the training camp.

“Gerald Walker.  Any relation to the Pittsburgh Walkers?”

There would be nothing about any relation to anyone in the file. The interview at the training camp made the same association, which I denied.  Different branch, distant relatives, we didn’t associate with them for obvious reasons

“We have the same surname.”

“Not the answer to the question I asked.”

I could see that Jacob and I were not going to get along.

“No.  No relation.”

I looked at the five faces in front of me, and not one was friendly.  I could see why there was such a large turnaround of agents, and how easy it could be that the first day could be the last.

Jacob looked especially unwelcoming.

“We do things differently.  We do not usually take new recruits out of the Academy, but we’re a man down and apparently you’re it.  We do not like mavericks or loners.  You will proceed to the brief.”

“As you wish.  What about liaising with the local authorities?’

“If you come in contact with them, which you should assiduously avoid at all costs, then you will come to me, and I will handle it.”

“Do they know about us?”

“They do nothing unless it is necessary.  You are expected not to put yourself in their way.  They take a very dim view of us working on their patch, so discretion is necessary.”

“Is there an assignment?”

“One is in development.  Get acquainted with Rome while you can.”

The folder closed, the interview, introduction, whatever it was, was over.  My only impression from it, Jacob was a micro-manager, and it was going to be impossible to work with.

From what I remember of my last visit to Rome, it had a lot of ancient sites, and we had made a point of visiting most of them.

It was a period when my sister had decided she was going to study archaeology and that her father would be happy to sponsor a dig somewhere in Egypt or Italy, preferably near the Mediterranean, so she could stay on a yacht.

Her father wasn’t particularly pleased, humoured her and like everything she did, it lasted a month or two; then he declared it boring and moved on.

She still stayed on the yacht for a few weeks with her suitably impressed friends.

I wasn’t that interested then, but this time I bought a guidebook and decided to go full on tourist.

That first day I visited the Colosseum and tried to imagine what it was like back in the days of ancient Rome and the people who had graced the seats looking down on the carnage that was supposed to be ‘games’.

Like throwing Christians to the lions.

Like Gladiators fighting to the death.

Like accidentally noticing a particular woman who was following me, or perhaps it was my overactive imagination.

It felt like the home team were putting me through a few exercises to see if they hadn’t made a mistake putting me in the field.

So the watcher became the watched.

I considered the odds of anyone even knowing that I was in Rime, and if they did, why I was there.  Unless it was mandatory for all staff passing through the embassy. An exercise to keep us on our toes.

I saw her five times, one actually looking in my direction.  She did not appear to be with anyone else, but good surveillance required more than one person and preferably a four-man rotating squad.

I moved to the city ruins not far from the Colosseum, and it appeared she had not followed me.

The next day, I visited the Trevi Fountain, and while sitting back having a cup of coffee, I found her, trying a different disguise but nonetheless easily identified to the trained eye.

She was definitely following me around.

Having planned to visit and got a ticket for the Parthenon, I took my time before heading to it in an annoyingly slow stroll that made it difficult for surveillance. 

Once outside, I waited for my moment, dodged her and went inside.  As soon as she couldn’t see me, I knew she’d follow me in.

Inside, there was nowhere to hide, so I took up a posting by some columns not far from the entrance.  Of course, my interest was not entirely taken up with the surveillance team; right now, it was in the large concrete dome that had been standing for a very long time.

Certainly a lot longer than our man-made structures.

I watched her do a circuit of the main hall and end up standing next to me.  Was it a deliberate move to unsettle me, or something else?

She knew that I knew she was following me.

That meant, as far as I could tell, she was one of the Italian police forces, the plain clothes suggesting a branch of the Carabinieri.

She looked sideways at me and had a half smile.  “You are a very interesting man, Gerard Walker.”

I shrugged.  It was a bit late to play the confused or apprehensive tourist card.  “You have me at a disadvantage.”

“As it should be.  Your handler, for want of a better description, knows the rules and yet he continually breaks them.  That would indicate he has not told you the ground rules for operating in this country.”

“Probably not, but I  have specific instructions from the people back home, which I’m sure you are aware of, of which I promised to observe “

The smile widened.  “Words, Gerald Walker, words you believe I, and my superiors want to hear.  Your predecessors went down the same path, and they did not fare well.”  She handed me a card.  “Before you launch World War Three, give me a call, and time, day or night.  You will find that cooperation with the appropriate authorities will make life for you much simpler and safer.  My compatriots sometimes shoot first, then ask questions.  Have a nice tour.”

“You should be my guide “

“I have criminals to catch and watch over errant spies.  Never a free moment.”  She sighed, then left.

To be honest, for a moment, I believed she was trouble, whether working for Italian law enforcement or not.

How could she possibly know I was in the city and what I would be doing there, unless…

Someone in the embassy told her.

Or she had more on the inside, reporting everything.  If it was, my money was on Jacob, trying to boost his retirement fund before leaving.

Working with local authorities was always part of the transparency catchphrase people like you think was a manageable option, but it wasn’t.  There were things that no one needed to know beyond the objective being achieved.  The how was almost always by any and all means available.

Using the phrase kill or be killed always seemed unpalatable, and no one, if they were not personally faced with a life or death situation, would ever understand.  I hadn’t yet, but the point was, until you are, taking a life was never a good idea.

It was described to us as the worst-case scenario.

Another was having your cover blown

Effectively, the moment she approached me, my usefulness was over.  Clandestine operations only worked if you remained clandestine.  That she and her whole department knew meant I should report it and ask for reassignment.

I had to consider that it was Jacob’s intent all along, not only for me but also for others in his group.  The question to ask was why?

I doubt officers back in the training establishment ever expected to hear from their graduates again, unless sent back to hone their skills or learn new skills and techniques.

I was determined to break that mould.  The problem I had was being caught out before I started.  I was not sure that had happened before, or if it had, whether it was significant, or a stain on my record.

I called a number for emergencies only.

And left a message.  Typically, there was no one on the other end.  After an hour had passed, I believed that no one really cared, that this was a test, and I was failing miserably.

Two hours later, my cell phone rang.  I was sitting in a park watching the rest of the work
I’d been getting on with their lives, and I was beginning to believe this was not what I expected or wanted.

What had happened to the other candidates before me who had found themselves in a sticky situation?

I answered with a noncommittal, “Yes?” As per protocol.

“Your mission, in case you haven’t worked it out by this time, is to find who it is that is betraying our agents to the local authorities.”

“That wasn’t explicitly expressed.”

“You have to read between the lines.  If you hadn’t come to a similar conclusion, you would not have called.  We have lost three agents in the last 12 months.  Find them.”

“The leak is not at your end?”

“No.  Handle it any way you see fit, but it stops now.  Understood?”

“Understood.”

I felt rather than saw a person sit on the other end of the bench, odd, because there were several free nearby.

A glance took in the woman who had accosted me earlier.

“No criminals to be chasing down?”

“Only errant spies.  I believe you made a call.”

I tried not to look shocked, but I was not that clever yet.

“How…”

“I’m paid to know everything, yet surprisingly often still left in the dark.  My superiors must thing is need to know, and I need to know.  You and I, I’m told, are about to become good friends.  We are seeking the same person.”

“Who are you?”

She smiled.  “I believe I am what you might call the Cheshire Cat.  She looked over at another bench where a man was sitting.

He wore a trenchcoat, smoking a pipe and reading, or pretending to read, a newspaper.

“Go over to the conspicuous man on that bench, and he will verify who I am, and give the code word your masters gave you back home.  I’ll wait.”

This was like a bad 1960s spy movie.

I shrugged.  It was either going to be an interesting assignment, or my life was over before it started.  Either way, at least I got to see the Ancient Roman Ruins.

©  Charles Heath  2026

First Dig Two Graves

A sequel to “The Devil You Don’t”

Revenge is a dish best served cold – or preferably so when everything goes right

Of course, it rarely does, as Alistair, Zoe’s handler, discovers to his peril. Enter a wildcard, John, and whatever Alistair’s plan for dealing with Zoe was dies with him.

It leaves Zoe in completely unfamiliar territory.

John’s idyllic romance with a woman who is utterly out of his comfort zone is on borrowed time. She is still trying to reconcile her ambivalence after being so indifferent for so long.

They agree to take a break, during which she disappears. John, thinking she has left without saying goodbye, refuses to accept the inevitable and calls on an old friend for help in finding her.

After the mayhem and being briefly reunited, she recognises an inevitable truth: there is a price to pay for taking out Alistair; she must leave and find them first, and he would be wise to keep a low profile.

But keeping a low profile just isn’t possible, and enlisting another friend, a private detective and his sister, a deft computer hacker, they track her to the border between Austria and Hungary.

What John doesn’t realise is that another enemy is tracking him to find her too. It could have been a grand tour of Europe. Instead, it becomes a race against time before enemies old and new converge for what will be an inevitable showdown.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 146

Day 146 – Writing exercise

After what happened, he knew that his first day at the post office was also going to be his last.

Of course, it depended on what your version of a post office was.

To most, it was a place where one went to buy stamps and put mail into collection boxes, and where letters and parcels arriving there were sorted and delivered.

To a select group of people, charged with protecting the country and its people from foreign intervention, a post office was something completely different.

It was a post where a selective group of experts worked, a team of operatives, their handler, the researchers, the briefer, the supply chain.

Those posts were called post offices and their employees were postal workers.

We had post offices all over the world, though it would be true to say that when overseas, they were part of the embassy or consulate.

We coexisted with other services, those more well-known and had a much higher profile.

It was the perfect cover, because anyone clever enough to hack into the post office computer servers would find we were all simply ordinary people.

Who did extraordinary things.

Sometimes.

….

As the officer at the training establishment said when we were given a departing lecture before getting our first assignments, we put the secret into a secret agent.

Most of us thought that was amusing, being only ten out of the two hundred that applied.  I had only applied as a joke, after spending two years roaming Europe after graduating from University.

I didn’t want to become a lawyer, and had fought the family tradition as long as I’d could until succumbing to pressure.  Like father, like son, like his father before him.

It was more about power and wealth, two things I was not interested in.  Call it rebellion, but unlike my brothers and sisters, I did not like the life that it afforded us.  Perhaps once, but once you mingle with the less fortunate, you get to see the world as it really is.

It was something my gather couldn’t understand.

So, according to my parents, I went off the rails.  I became the black sheep, the one everyone has; the others turned out just fine, thank you.

I saw them once before I finally disappeared, when they were in Paris at the apartment that my paternal grandmother had bequeathed to my father.

She had died the week before, and I made the effort to go to her funeral.  She had understood my disdain, though she did not understand why I stayed away.

I meant to stay out of sight, but my sister, Eileen, had seen me standing back from the others and came over, at first not recognising me.

She was not as bad as my brothers, had her moments of both acquiescence and rebellion, but had settled down to follow tradition.

I had expressed disappointment and our last words were harsh.

I watched her come over, trying to figure out who would turn up at a funeral and not want to be seen.

It was cold, but it was not why a shiver went down my spine.  Fear?  Maybe, but I just saw my father, and that brought back a far worse memory.

“Do I know you?” She asked.

“Does it matter?”

Then her expression changed.  Recognition.  We could change our appearance, sometimes radically, but not our eyes or voices.  Especially in a moment where we forget we’re playing a role.

“Gerry?”

I sighed.  “Don’t tell the rest of them I was here.  They wouldn’t understand.”

“And i would?”  There was a touch of anger in her tone, not surprising.  “Where have you been?”

“Bumming around Europe.  You know,  I sent postcards.”

To her, no one else.  Whether she kept them or tossed them in the bin was of no consequence.

“Yes.  When you felt like it.  Are you coming home?”

“No.”

“You going to see the others?”

The thought had crossed my mind until I remembered the last argument with both my parents.  I had expected some support from my mother, but she just agreed with my father.  It was the deciding factor in leaving.

“No.  I got sick of the same old arguments.  Dad cut me off, so I learned to fly on my own.  It’s a whole different world out there.”

“You’d cut your nose off to spite your face, Gerry.  You finished your law degree, then wasted it.”

That was my father speaking.  She had a mind of her own.  Once.  Now she had folded perfectly into the family mould.

“Law is boring.  Working for my father would be even more so.  We both know his attentions are firmly focused on the prodigal son, James.  The rest are just pawns to be manipulated.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way.”

I shook my head.  She would, like the others, never understand.

“So what are you going to do?”

“Diplomacy with the state department.”  It was the go-to explanation of our lives to anyone we used to know.  “I get my first posting in a few days.  It’ll probably be somewhere in Africa, knowing my luck.”

She looked me up and down, and I suspect she didn’t believe a word I was telling her.  She was the only one who could tell when I was lying, though I was a lot better at it now than back then.

“So, this is it, and you’re off again.”

“I’m the black sheep, Sis.  The stain on the family name.  I think I have reached Uncle Harry’s level of infamy.”

“So that’s what Dad was going on about.  The one in every generation.  Wow.  Despite the fact you’re nothing like him.”  Then she rounded on me.  “Unless you are.  What’s really going on with you?”

I could imagine my father filling her head with nonsense.

“I simply chose a different vocation.  See the world, help solve crises before they become crises, not help criminals get away with murder.  I’m sorry if I have a conscience, and it doesn’t suit family values.  I think I’ve seen and heard enough, Eileen.  Tell them you saw me or not, I don’t care.”

It was foolish of me to think they might have changed.  They had not.  If anything, my father had succeeded in turning my siblings against me, and if that was the case, so be it.

It made it easy for me to just walk away and never see them again.

I was sent to Rome for my first posting.  In the briefing with the assignments officer, I was told that the handler, Jacob Weissman, was old school, a man who had a particular way of doing things, and he expected obedience.  He was also in the last year before retirement.

It was also the office with the highest turnover of agents.  The incentive to go there was that if I lasted the distance, I would be considered for a leadership role.

It wasn’t particularly high on my list of priorities; I was more interested in getting experience in the field first, and that generally took five years at least.  If you survived.

I flew to Rome on a Wednesday and was due in the office on Thursday.  I’d been to Italy and Rome before, post graduation and didn’t like it, instead staying in Florence, and getting lost in the ancient history.

The Rome post office was in a back street, cobbled roadway and ancient bricks, making the inside very cool compared to the heat outside.

There was a man in a suit sitting at a desk with a computer and, no doubt, a gun ready to shoot anyone who looked like trouble.

I gave him my letter of introduction, which was specially coded and verified by fingerprint.

He gave me a temporary pass that got me into the main office, where I was met by the administrative officer and taken to the situation room.  There, the panel was waiting.

Jacob Weissman, handler and Head of Station.

Rebecca Abernathy, Administrative Officer.

Julie Grassmier, Operations Manager.

Bethany Myers and Jack Blumenthal, the research team.

Five on one side of the table and me on the other, just like my university admissions interview.  Not a welcoming smile among them.  I had expected one or more agents to be in attendance.

Jacob opened the file he had in front of him.  It was thin, with plenty of room for additions.  It held the documents from the training camp.

“Gerald Walker.  Any relation to the Pittsburgh Walkers?”

There would be nothing about any relation to anyone in the file. The interview at the training camp made the same association, which I denied.  Different branch, distant relatives, we didn’t associate with them for obvious reasons

“We have the same surname.”

“Not the answer to the question I asked.”

I could see that Jacob and I were not going to get along.

“No.  No relation.”

I looked at the five faces in front of me, and not one was friendly.  I could see why there was such a large turnaround of agents, and how easy it could be that the first day could be the last.

Jacob looked especially unwelcoming.

“We do things differently.  We do not usually take new recruits out of the Academy, but we’re a man down and apparently you’re it.  We do not like mavericks or loners.  You will proceed to the brief.”

“As you wish.  What about liaising with the local authorities?’

“If you come in contact with them, which you should assiduously avoid at all costs, then you will come to me, and I will handle it.”

“Do they know about us?”

“They do nothing unless it is necessary.  You are expected not to put yourself in their way.  They take a very dim view of us working on their patch, so discretion is necessary.”

“Is there an assignment?”

“One is in development.  Get acquainted with Rome while you can.”

The folder closed, the interview, introduction, whatever it was, was over.  My only impression from it, Jacob was a micro-manager, and it was going to be impossible to work with.

From what I remember of my last visit to Rome, it had a lot of ancient sites, and we had made a point of visiting most of them.

It was a period when my sister had decided she was going to study archaeology and that her father would be happy to sponsor a dig somewhere in Egypt or Italy, preferably near the Mediterranean, so she could stay on a yacht.

Her father wasn’t particularly pleased, humoured her and like everything she did, it lasted a month or two; then he declared it boring and moved on.

She still stayed on the yacht for a few weeks with her suitably impressed friends.

I wasn’t that interested then, but this time I bought a guidebook and decided to go full on tourist.

That first day I visited the Colosseum and tried to imagine what it was like back in the days of ancient Rome and the people who had graced the seats looking down on the carnage that was supposed to be ‘games’.

Like throwing Christians to the lions.

Like Gladiators fighting to the death.

Like accidentally noticing a particular woman who was following me, or perhaps it was my overactive imagination.

It felt like the home team were putting me through a few exercises to see if they hadn’t made a mistake putting me in the field.

So the watcher became the watched.

I considered the odds of anyone even knowing that I was in Rime, and if they did, why I was there.  Unless it was mandatory for all staff passing through the embassy. An exercise to keep us on our toes.

I saw her five times, one actually looking in my direction.  She did not appear to be with anyone else, but good surveillance required more than one person and preferably a four-man rotating squad.

I moved to the city ruins not far from the Colosseum, and it appeared she had not followed me.

The next day, I visited the Trevi Fountain, and while sitting back having a cup of coffee, I found her, trying a different disguise but nonetheless easily identified to the trained eye.

She was definitely following me around.

Having planned to visit and got a ticket for the Parthenon, I took my time before heading to it in an annoyingly slow stroll that made it difficult for surveillance. 

Once outside, I waited for my moment, dodged her and went inside.  As soon as she couldn’t see me, I knew she’d follow me in.

Inside, there was nowhere to hide, so I took up a posting by some columns not far from the entrance.  Of course, my interest was not entirely taken up with the surveillance team; right now, it was in the large concrete dome that had been standing for a very long time.

Certainly a lot longer than our man-made structures.

I watched her do a circuit of the main hall and end up standing next to me.  Was it a deliberate move to unsettle me, or something else?

She knew that I knew she was following me.

That meant, as far as I could tell, she was one of the Italian police forces, the plain clothes suggesting a branch of the Carabinieri.

She looked sideways at me and had a half smile.  “You are a very interesting man, Gerard Walker.”

I shrugged.  It was a bit late to play the confused or apprehensive tourist card.  “You have me at a disadvantage.”

“As it should be.  Your handler, for want of a better description, knows the rules and yet he continually breaks them.  That would indicate he has not told you the ground rules for operating in this country.”

“Probably not, but I  have specific instructions from the people back home, which I’m sure you are aware of, of which I promised to observe “

The smile widened.  “Words, Gerald Walker, words you believe I, and my superiors want to hear.  Your predecessors went down the same path, and they did not fare well.”  She handed me a card.  “Before you launch World War Three, give me a call, and time, day or night.  You will find that cooperation with the appropriate authorities will make life for you much simpler and safer.  My compatriots sometimes shoot first, then ask questions.  Have a nice tour.”

“You should be my guide “

“I have criminals to catch and watch over errant spies.  Never a free moment.”  She sighed, then left.

To be honest, for a moment, I believed she was trouble, whether working for Italian law enforcement or not.

How could she possibly know I was in the city and what I would be doing there, unless…

Someone in the embassy told her.

Or she had more on the inside, reporting everything.  If it was, my money was on Jacob, trying to boost his retirement fund before leaving.

Working with local authorities was always part of the transparency catchphrase people like you think was a manageable option, but it wasn’t.  There were things that no one needed to know beyond the objective being achieved.  The how was almost always by any and all means available.

Using the phrase kill or be killed always seemed unpalatable, and no one, if they were not personally faced with a life or death situation, would ever understand.  I hadn’t yet, but the point was, until you are, taking a life was never a good idea.

It was described to us as the worst-case scenario.

Another was having your cover blown

Effectively, the moment she approached me, my usefulness was over.  Clandestine operations only worked if you remained clandestine.  That she and her whole department knew meant I should report it and ask for reassignment.

I had to consider that it was Jacob’s intent all along, not only for me but also for others in his group.  The question to ask was why?

I doubt officers back in the training establishment ever expected to hear from their graduates again, unless sent back to hone their skills or learn new skills and techniques.

I was determined to break that mould.  The problem I had was being caught out before I started.  I was not sure that had happened before, or if it had, whether it was significant, or a stain on my record.

I called a number for emergencies only.

And left a message.  Typically, there was no one on the other end.  After an hour had passed, I believed that no one really cared, that this was a test, and I was failing miserably.

Two hours later, my cell phone rang.  I was sitting in a park watching the rest of the work
I’d been getting on with their lives, and I was beginning to believe this was not what I expected or wanted.

What had happened to the other candidates before me who had found themselves in a sticky situation?

I answered with a noncommittal, “Yes?” As per protocol.

“Your mission, in case you haven’t worked it out by this time, is to find who it is that is betraying our agents to the local authorities.”

“That wasn’t explicitly expressed.”

“You have to read between the lines.  If you hadn’t come to a similar conclusion, you would not have called.  We have lost three agents in the last 12 months.  Find them.”

“The leak is not at your end?”

“No.  Handle it any way you see fit, but it stops now.  Understood?”

“Understood.”

I felt rather than saw a person sit on the other end of the bench, odd, because there were several free nearby.

A glance took in the woman who had accosted me earlier.

“No criminals to be chasing down?”

“Only errant spies.  I believe you made a call.”

I tried not to look shocked, but I was not that clever yet.

“How…”

“I’m paid to know everything, yet surprisingly often still left in the dark.  My superiors must thing is need to know, and I need to know.  You and I, I’m told, are about to become good friends.  We are seeking the same person.”

“Who are you?”

She smiled.  “I believe I am what you might call the Cheshire Cat.  She looked over at another bench where a man was sitting.

He wore a trenchcoat, smoking a pipe and reading, or pretending to read, a newspaper.

“Go over to the conspicuous man on that bench, and he will verify who I am, and give the code word your masters gave you back home.  I’ll wait.”

This was like a bad 1960s spy movie.

I shrugged.  It was either going to be an interesting assignment, or my life was over before it started.  Either way, at least I got to see the Ancient Roman Ruins.

©  Charles Heath  2026

Another excerpt from ‘Betrayal’; a work in progress

My next destination in the quest was the hotel we believed Anne Merriweather had stayed at.

I was, in a sense, flying blind because we had no concrete evidence she had been there, and the message she had left behind didn’t quite name the hotel or where Vladimir was going to take her.

Mindful of the fact that someone might have been following me, I checked to see if the person I’d assumed had followed me to Elizabeth’s apartment was still in place, but I couldn’t see him. Next, I made a mental note of seven different candidates and committed them to memory.

Then I set off to the hotel, hailing a taxi. There was the possibility that the cab driver was one of them, but perhaps I was slightly more paranoid than I should be. I’d been watching the queue, and there were two others before me.

The journey took about an hour, during which time I kept an eye out the back to see if anyone had been following us. If anyone was, I couldn’t see them.

I had the cab drop me off a block from the hotel and then spent the next hour doing a complete circuit of the block the hotel was on, checking the front and rear entrances, the cameras in place, and the siting of the driveway into the underground carpark. There was a camera over the entrance, and one we hadn’t checked for footage. I sent a text message to Fritz to look into it.

The hotel lobby was large and busy, which was exactly what you’d want if you wanted to come and go without standing out. It would be different later at night, but I could see her arriving about mid-afternoon, and anonymous among the clientele the hotel attracted.

I spent an hour sitting in various positions in the lobby simply observing. I had already ascertained where the elevator lobby for the rooms was, and the elevator down to the car park. Fortunately, it was not ‘guarded’, but there was a steady stream of concierge staff coming and going to the lower levels, and, just from time to time, guests.

Then, when there was a commotion at the front door, what seemed to be a collision of guests and free-wheeling bags, I saw one of the seven potential taggers sitting by the front door. Waiting for me to leave? Or were they wondering why I was spending so much time there?

Taking advantage of that confusion, I picked my moment to head for the elevators that went down to the car park, pressed the down button, and waited.

There was no car on the ground level, so I had to wait, watching, like several others, the guests untangling themselves at the entrance, and keeping an eye on my potential surveillance, still absorbed in the confusion.

The doors to the left car opened, and a concierge stepped out, gave me a quick look, then headed back to his desk. I stepped into the car, pressed the first level down, the level I expected cars to arrive on, and waited what seemed like a long time for the doors to close.

As they did, I was expecting to see a hand poke through the gap, a latecomer. Nothing happened, and I put it down to a television moment.

There were three basement levels, and for a moment, I let my imagination run wild and considered the possibility that there were more levels. Of course, there was no indication on the control panel that there were any other floors, and I’d yet to see anything like it in reality.

With a shake of my head to return to reality, the car arrived, the doors opened, and I stepped out.

A car pulled up, and the driver stepped out, went around to the rear of his car, and pulled out a case. I half expected him to throw me the keys, but the instant glance he gave me told him he was not the concierge, and instead he brushed past me like I wasn’t there.

He bashed the up button several times impatiently and cursed when the doors didn’t open immediately. Not a happy man.

Another car drove past on its way down to a lower level.

I looked up and saw the CCTV camera, pointing towards the entrance, visible in the distance. A gate that lifted up was just about back in position, then clunked when it finally closed. The footage from the camera would not prove much, even if it had been working, because it didn’t cover the lift lobby, only what was in the direction of the car entrance.

The doors to the other elevator car opened, and a man in a suit stepped out.

“Can I help you, sir? You seem lost.”

Security, or something else. “It seems that way. I went to the elevator lobby, got in, and it went down rather than up. I must have been in the wrong place.”

“Lost it is, then, sir.” I could hear the contempt for Americans in his tone. “If you will accompany me, please.”

He put out a hand ready to guide me back into the elevator. I was only too happy to oblige him. There had been a sign near the button panel that said the basement levels were only to be accessed by the guests.

Once inside, he turned a key and pressed the lobby button. The doors closed, and we went up. He stood, facing the door, not speaking. A few seconds later, he was ushering me out to the lobby.

“Now, sir, if you are a guest…”

“Actually, I’m looking for one. She called me and said she would be staying in this hotel and to come down and visit her. I was trying to get to the sixth floor.”

“Good. Let’s go over to the desk and see what we can do for you.”

I followed him over to the reception desk, where he signalled one of the clerks, a young woman who looked and acted very efficiently, and told her of my request, but then remained to oversee the proceeding.

“Name of guest, sir?”

“Merriweather, Anne. I’m her brother, Alexander.” I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out my passport to prove that I was who I said I was. She glanced cursorily at it.

She typed the name into the computer, and then we waited a few seconds while it considered what to output. Then, she said, “That lady is not in the hotel, sir.”

Time to put on my best-confused look. “But she said she would be staying here for the week. I made a special trip to come here to see her.”

Another puzzled look from the clerk, then, “When did she call you?”

An interesting question to ask, and it set off a warning bell in my head. I couldn’t say today, it would have to be the day she was supposedly taken.

“Last Saturday, about four in the afternoon.”

Another look at the screen, then, “It appears she checked out Sunday morning. I’m afraid you have made a trip in vain.”

Indeed, I had. “Was she staying with anyone?”

I just managed to see the warning pass from the suited man to the clerk. I thought he had shown an interest when I mentioned the name, and now I had confirmation. He knew something about her disappearance. The trouble was, he wasn’t going to volunteer any information because he was more than just hotel security.

“No.”

“Odd,” I muttered. “I thought she told me she was staying with a man named Vladimir something or other. I’m not too good at pronouncing those Russian names. Are you sure?”

She didn’t look back at the screen. “Yes.”

“OK, now one thing I do know about staying in hotels is that you are required to ask guests with foreign passports their next destination, just in case they need to be found. Did she say where she was going next?” It was a long shot, but I thought I’d ask.

“Moscow. As I understand it, she lives in Moscow. That was the only address she gave us.”

I smiled. “Thank you. I know where that is. I probably should have gone there first.”

She didn’t answer; she didn’t have to, her expression did that perfectly.

The suited man spoke again, looking at the clerk. “Thank you.” He swivelled back to me. “I’m sorry we can’t help you.”

“No. You have more than you can know.”

“What was your name again, sir, just in case you still cannot find her?”

“Alexander Merriweather. Her brother. And if she is still missing, I will be posting a very large reward. At the moment, you can best contact me via the American Embassy.”

Money is always a great motivator, and that thoughtful expression on his face suggested he gave a moment’s thought to it.

I left him with that offer and left. If anything, the people who were holding her would know she had a brother, that her brother was looking for her, and equally that brother had money.

© Charles Heath – 2018-2025

What I learned about writing – Is there a simple way to learn and write poetry?

Unleash Your Inner Poet: The Surprisingly Simple Path to Writing Poetry

For many, the word “poetry” conjures images of dusty tomes, cryptic verses, and the terrifying prospect of iambic pentameter. It feels like a secret club with an impossible initiation. But what if I told you that, at its heart, poetry is actually one of the most accessible and freeing forms of expression?

The question “Is there a simple way to learn and write poetry?” can be answered with a resounding yes. It’s not about memorising rules, it’s about re-learning how to see, feel, and play with words.

Here’s how to demystify the process and start your own poetic journey:

1. Ditch the “Rules” (For Now)

The biggest barrier to writing poetry is the self-imposed pressure to conform to traditional structures. Forget rhyme schemes, meter, and sonnet forms when you’re starting out. Think of them as advanced techniques you can explore later, if you choose.

Your focus should be on free verse. This is poetry without a strict rhythm or rhyme, allowing you to focus purely on imagery, emotion, and word choice. It’s the perfect playground for beginners.

2. Become a Keen Observer

Poetry is born from attention. The most powerful poems often come from everyday moments, seen through a fresh lens.

  • Engage your senses: What do you see, hear, smell, taste, touch right now?
  • Notice the details: Not just “a tree,” but “the ancient oak, its bark grooved like an old man’s face, leaves shivering in the morning breeze.”
  • Capture emotions: How does a situation make you feel? Don’t just name the emotion; describe its physical manifestation. (“My heart thrums like a trapped bird.”)
  • Carry a notebook (or use your phone): Jot down interesting words, phrases, snippets of conversation, or sensory observations as they strike you. These are your raw materials.

3. Read Poetry (But Don’t Feel Intimidated)

Reading poetry isn’t about understanding every single line or deciphering hidden meanings. It’s about hearing the music of language, seeing how others play with words, and discovering what resonates with you.

  • Start with contemporary poets: Many modern poems are more accessible and relatable than historical works.
  • Explore different styles: Read free verse, haikus, spoken word, lyrical pieces.
  • Read aloud: This helps you hear the rhythm and flow, even without rhyme.
  • Don’t force it: If a poem doesn’t click, move on. There’s so much out there!

4. Play with Words Like Building Blocks

Think of words as your paint, your clay, your musical notes.

  • Metaphor & Simile: How is one thing like another? (The moon is a fingernail clipping.) How is one thing another? (The moon is a pearl in the sky.)
  • Imagery: Use words that create vivid pictures in the reader’s mind.
  • Sound: Notice alliteration (slippery silver snakes), assonance (the mellow wedding bells), and how different sounds feel in your mouth.
  • Concision: Poetry often says a lot with a little. Can you trim unnecessary words?

5. Start Small and Simple

Don’t aim for an epic poem on your first try.

  • Try a Haiku: (5-7-5 syllables, usually about nature) – forces you to be concise.
  • Write about a single object: A forgotten coffee cup, a wilting flower, a dusty book.
  • Describe a single moment: The exact second the rain started, the taste of your morning coffee, the sound of a distant train.
  • Start with a strong image or feeling: Let that lead you.

6. Embrace the First Draft (It’s Supposed to Be Messy!)

Your first attempt won’t be perfect, and that’s okay. Think of it as a brain dump. Get all your ideas and feelings down on paper.

  • Don’t edit as you go: Just write.
  • Let it sit: Come back to it later with fresh eyes.
  • Revise: This is where the magic happens. Trim, expand, rearrange, swap words, sharpen images. Read it aloud to catch awkward phrasing.

7. Share (When You’re Ready)

Sharing your work, even with one trusted friend, can be incredibly empowering. It provides a new perspective and helps you grow. Join a local writing group, an online forum, or just read it to your cat!


Poetry isn’t about being “profound” or “intellectual” from the get-go. It’s about connecting with your own voice, observing the world with fresh eyes, and finding beauty in the ordinary. The simplest way to learn and write poetry is simply to begin. Pick up a pen, open a document, and let your words flow. The world is waiting for your unique song.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 145

Day 145 – Writing isn’t work at all…

The Joy of the Page: Why Writing Shouldn’t Feel Like Labour

There is a famous, arguably infamous, sentiment from the poet and novelist Charles Bukowski that often sparks heated debate in writing workshops and literary circles alike:

“Writing isn’t work at all… and when people tell me how painful it is to write, I don’t understand it, because it’s just like rolling down the mountain, you know. It’s freeing. It’s enjoyable. It’s a gift and you get paid for what you want to do.”

If you’ve ever stared at a blinking cursor for three hours, wrestling with a single sentence until your temples throb, Bukowski’s words might sound like a personal insult. How can he call it “rolling down a mountain” when, for the rest of us, it feels more like pushing a boulder up it?

But perhaps it’s time to look past the provocation and see the truth hidden in his perspective.

The Difference Between “Writing” and “Editing”

The friction most writers feel isn’t usually with the act of writing itself—the creative flow, the discovery of a character’s voice, or the thrill of an idea taking shape. The pain comes from the internal critic.

When writers complain about the “pain” of writing, they are often conflating the act of creation with the act of judgment. We stop to edit, we second-guess our word choice, and we worry about the audience before the ink is even dry. Bukowski’s “rolling down the mountain” refers to the act of letting go—the pure, kinetic energy of getting the thought from the brain onto the page without stopping to check if it’s “good enough” yet.

The Gift of Expression

Bukowski’s reminder that writing is a “gift” is a powerful antidote to the burnout that comes with treating writing as a purely transactional industry.

In a world where we spend forty-plus hours a week doing things we have to do—answering emails, attending meetings, navigating logistics—writing is one of the few places where we have total agency. You are the architect, the god, and the witness of your own world. When you view writing as an escape rather than a chore, the “pain” begins to dissipate. You stop trying to force the narrative and start allowing it to move on its own.

How to Find Your Own “Mountain”

If you find yourself stuck in the “painful” phase of writing, it’s worth asking: Are you trying to roll, or are you trying to climb?

To recapture the joy Bukowski describes, try these three shifts:

  1. The “Vomit” Draft: Give yourself permission to write absolute garbage. If you don’t care about the quality of the first draft, you remove the pressure to be perfect. Suddenly, the words start flowing again.
  2. Separate the Hat: Keep the “Writer” and the “Editor” in different rooms. When you write, do not let your inner editor touch the keyboard. Save the critique for a later date.
  3. Find the “Want”: Bukowski mentions being “paid for what you want to do.” Even if you aren’t making a living yet, reconnect with the why. Write about the things that genuinely interest you. If you are writing what you think you should write, it will always feel like work. If you write what you need to write, it becomes a release.

Final Thoughts

Writing will always require discipline, and there are days when the muse is silent. But there is a distinct difference between the healthy exhaustion of a creative sprint and the agonising frustration of a writer at war with themselves.

The next time you sit down to write, don’t try to climb the mountain. Stop trying to control the terrain, stop checking your footing, and just let yourself go. You might be surprised at how much ground you cover when you finally stop fighting the descent.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 145

Day 145 – Writing isn’t work at all…

The Joy of the Page: Why Writing Shouldn’t Feel Like Labour

There is a famous, arguably infamous, sentiment from the poet and novelist Charles Bukowski that often sparks heated debate in writing workshops and literary circles alike:

“Writing isn’t work at all… and when people tell me how painful it is to write, I don’t understand it, because it’s just like rolling down the mountain, you know. It’s freeing. It’s enjoyable. It’s a gift and you get paid for what you want to do.”

If you’ve ever stared at a blinking cursor for three hours, wrestling with a single sentence until your temples throb, Bukowski’s words might sound like a personal insult. How can he call it “rolling down a mountain” when, for the rest of us, it feels more like pushing a boulder up it?

But perhaps it’s time to look past the provocation and see the truth hidden in his perspective.

The Difference Between “Writing” and “Editing”

The friction most writers feel isn’t usually with the act of writing itself—the creative flow, the discovery of a character’s voice, or the thrill of an idea taking shape. The pain comes from the internal critic.

When writers complain about the “pain” of writing, they are often conflating the act of creation with the act of judgment. We stop to edit, we second-guess our word choice, and we worry about the audience before the ink is even dry. Bukowski’s “rolling down the mountain” refers to the act of letting go—the pure, kinetic energy of getting the thought from the brain onto the page without stopping to check if it’s “good enough” yet.

The Gift of Expression

Bukowski’s reminder that writing is a “gift” is a powerful antidote to the burnout that comes with treating writing as a purely transactional industry.

In a world where we spend forty-plus hours a week doing things we have to do—answering emails, attending meetings, navigating logistics—writing is one of the few places where we have total agency. You are the architect, the god, and the witness of your own world. When you view writing as an escape rather than a chore, the “pain” begins to dissipate. You stop trying to force the narrative and start allowing it to move on its own.

How to Find Your Own “Mountain”

If you find yourself stuck in the “painful” phase of writing, it’s worth asking: Are you trying to roll, or are you trying to climb?

To recapture the joy Bukowski describes, try these three shifts:

  1. The “Vomit” Draft: Give yourself permission to write absolute garbage. If you don’t care about the quality of the first draft, you remove the pressure to be perfect. Suddenly, the words start flowing again.
  2. Separate the Hat: Keep the “Writer” and the “Editor” in different rooms. When you write, do not let your inner editor touch the keyboard. Save the critique for a later date.
  3. Find the “Want”: Bukowski mentions being “paid for what you want to do.” Even if you aren’t making a living yet, reconnect with the why. Write about the things that genuinely interest you. If you are writing what you think you should write, it will always feel like work. If you write what you need to write, it becomes a release.

Final Thoughts

Writing will always require discipline, and there are days when the muse is silent. But there is a distinct difference between the healthy exhaustion of a creative sprint and the agonising frustration of a writer at war with themselves.

The next time you sit down to write, don’t try to climb the mountain. Stop trying to control the terrain, stop checking your footing, and just let yourself go. You might be surprised at how much ground you cover when you finally stop fighting the descent.

What I learned about writing – Why don’t I like poetry, and why can’t I write it

The Poetry Puzzle: Why We Don’t Always ‘Get’ It (And Why That’s Perfectly Normal)

Ever stared at a page of poetry, felt a distinct lack of comprehension, and then wondered if there’s something fundamentally wrong with you? You’re not alone. Many of us grapple with poetry, feeling a disconnect between the words on the page and any meaningful understanding.

If you’ve ever thought, “Why don’t I like poetry, and why can’t I write it?” then this post is for you. Let’s unpack those very common, very valid feelings.

“I Just Don’t Understand It!” – The Heart of the Matter

This is perhaps the biggest barrier. We’re often taught that language should be direct, clear, and efficient. Poetry, however, often delights in the opposite.

  • It speaks in whispers, not shouts: Unlike a news report or a textbook, poetry often communicates through suggestion, metaphor, imagery, and symbolism. It’s less about telling you something directly and more about making you feel something, imagine something, or see something in a new way.
  • The “Strange Rhymes” vs. “Endless Lines”: You mentioned getting a short ditty but feeling lost with longer pieces that resemble short stories. This highlights the vast spectrum of poetry. Some poems are indeed like mini-stories, but they often use poetic devices (like rhythm, line breaks, compressed language) to elevate the narrative beyond simple prose. Other poems eschew traditional narrative altogether, focusing purely on an image, an emotion, or a moment.
  • Haiku and the Rules Conundrum: And then there are the rules! Haiku, sonnets, villanelles, limericks… each comes with its own set of constraints. For many, these rules feel like handcuffs, making the poem impenetrable or, worse, stifling any potential enjoyment. Why restrict yourself when you could just say what you mean?

Why Do People Who Do Like It, Like It?

This is the million-dollar question! When something feels elusive to you, it’s natural to wonder about its appeal to others.

  1. Emotional Resonance: Poetry often taps into universal human emotions – love, loss, joy, grief, wonder, anger – in a way that feels incredibly personal and raw. It can articulate feelings we’ve had but haven’t found the words for.
  2. Beauty of Language: For some, the sheer craft of language is exhilarating. The rhythm of the words, the sound of the rhymes (or the effective lack thereof), the surprising juxtaposition of images, the perfect word choice – it’s an art form akin to music or painting.
  3. Fresh Perspectives: A good poem can make you see an everyday object or concept in an entirely new light. It makes the familiar strange and the strange familiar, jolting us out of our habitual ways of thinking.
  4. Conciseness and Power: Poetry often distils complex ideas or deep emotions into a few potent lines. It’s a powerful punch in a small package, inviting repeated readings to unlock its layers.
  5. A Shared Secret: Unlocking a poem can feel like cracking a code, discovering a hidden meaning that connects you to the poet and the broader human experience.

Think about song lyrics – many of them are poetry set to music. We don’t always fully “understand” every line, but we feel the emotion, appreciate the imagery, and connect to the rhythm.

“Why Can’t I Write It?” – Demystifying Creation

The idea of writing poetry can be incredibly intimidating, especially if you feel you don’t “get” reading it. But here’s a truth: you don’t need to be a literary genius to write poetry.

  • Forget the “Rules” (Initially): If rules feel like a barrier, ignore them! Start with free verse. This form has no set rhyme scheme, meter, or length. It’s about expressing an idea, an image, or an emotion as authentically as possible.
  • Focus on Observation: Poetry often begins with paying close attention to the world around you. What do you see, hear, smell, taste, feel? What small detail catches your eye?
  • Explore an Emotion: What are you feeling right now? Joy, frustration, peace, anxiety? Try to describe that feeling without explicitly naming it. What does it feel like? What images come to mind when you experience it?
  • Play with Language: Think of words as building blocks. Try different combinations. Don’t worry about sounding “poetic” – worry about being honest and curious.
  • It’s for You: The first poems you write don’t have to be shared or even understood by anyone else. They can be a private form of expression, a way to process thoughts and feelings.

It’s Okay Not to “Get” It All

Ultimately, it’s perfectly normal not to connect with every poem, or even most poems. Just like not everyone loves abstract art or classical music, poetry isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience.

Rather than forcing yourself to “understand” it in a purely logical sense, try approaching it differently:

  • Read for sound and rhythm: How do the words feel in your mouth?
  • Read for images: What pictures pop into your mind?
  • Read for emotion: What does the poem make you feel, even if you can’t explain why?
  • Don’t worry about the “meaning”: Sometimes, the experience is the meaning.

So, if you find yourself staring blankly at a stanza, remember you’re in good company. Poetry can be a puzzle, a challenge, a mystery. But sometimes, in simply acknowledging that mystery, we open ourselves up to a different kind of appreciation. And who knows? Maybe one day, a little ditty or even an “endless line” will click into place, and you’ll find a poem that speaks directly to you.

What’s your relationship with poetry? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 143/144

Days 143 and 144 – Writing Exercise

The worst thing about arriving in a foreign country without a passport is that you can’t leave by the usual exits.

What is worse than that, if it could be said, it could get worse, is to be on the run from the local authorities for something you didn’t do, but because of your status, they’re never going to believe you.

So, the big question is, how did I get into this precarious state?

Richard Danvers was not a man who could be trusted.  His affability and charm were mesmerising at best, condescending as usual and untruthful at worst.  But he always managed to wheedle and cajole you into doing his bidding.

He tried to win me over with a hundred-year-old bottle of scotch.  And when that failed, he added a week’s stay at his Island paradise in the Caribbean.

I was a sucker for a hard sell.

Added to the fact I might get to see his step sister Olga, from the Russian wife his father married after Richards mother was murdered.

I had a small role in finding the person who committed the crime, and instead of maintaining anonymity, Richard found me and said he owed me.

I should have walked away.

“So, Will, still drinking that rather cheap swill you call scotch?”

Two things: Will wasn’t my real name, but the one I used for that operation.  If he thought I had another name, he never told me. The other, cheap swill to him was four hundred dollars a bottle of scotch that had been declared the best five years ago.

“To each his own, Richard.”

He shrugged, pulled a bottle out of the bottom drawer of his desk, and put it on the desk with a slight bump, just to impress.

“What do you want?”  It was the usual prelude for him wanting something. 

Somehow he assumed I was a gun for hire.

I was not.

That was the other thing about Richard: being his acquaintance came with certain obligations.  Not him doing anything for you, but you doing something for him.  When he realised what it was I did, he tried very hard to make me his fix-it man.

I told him I already had a job.  I didn’t need another.

“Nothing.  We’re going down to the island this weekend.   Sun and fun, good food, good wine, good company.  Olga said she would definitely try to come; she needs a break, and I know she likes you.”

Like?  Yes.  But he knew how to twist my arm.  Olga, with him, was my Achilles heel.

“When exactly?”  I sighed.  I guess I could suffer a week on a Caribbean island over cold, wet and miserable London while I waited for my next assignment.

I was, in fact, wondering if it was my association with him that was holding back my employability.

I arrived at the personal airport attached to the Elizabethan mansion that Richard had inherited from his father, and down through the generations, the land was a gift from Queen Elizabeth I.

It had a terminal, an air bridge, and could accept any aircraft up to a Boeing 737.  His fleet of two currently consisted of a Challenger and a Citation.  We were taking the Challenger.  The fact that the Citation was in told me Olga had arrived.

She would be in the Cafe.  Yes, his terminal building had a cafe.  With everything you could imagine.

She was sitting at a table overlooking the runway.  Currently, it was raining so hard that you could barely see the other side of the runway.

I pulled up a chair and sat down.  She turned and smiled.  She never got less beautiful.

“Will.”  She leaned over, and we briefly kissed.

We were not lovers, just friends, as much as I wanted more, I decided if she didn’t pursue it, I wouldn’t.  It was an unlikely match, and I doubted Richard, as the current Duke, would condone it.

She was just one more thing he could manage in his inimitable way, and she seemed content to let him.

“Olga?”

“Did he use me to get you to come?”

“What do you think?”

“Richard can be a pain.  He went on ahead yesterday, and it’s just you and me, several staff and a business associate, Nigel something or other.  You won’t have to talk to any of them. I’ll be the pilot, so you can sit up front with me.”

“Who else is going to be there?”

“That’s it.  Richard promised he’d talk business with Nigel, and said a weekend away would make a deal more likely.”

“Business and pleasure, I hope he doesn’t call in that bevy of girls like the last time.  He seriously needs to wake up.”

“You know men.  Always overcompensating.”

‘True.  His jet is bigger than yours.”

We were waiting on the businessman Nigel something-or-other.  Her advice was that he would be alone, but when he arrived an hour after the appointed time, putting back our departure by two hours, Olga was not happy.

Not necessarily because he was late, but because he had brought along his mistress.  Olga had met her before, and the hostility was very noticeable.

She was bossy, loud, and, as Olga muttered under her breath, mutton dressed as lamb.  Thirty-five going on fifty, going on twenty-five.

Long fake blonde hair, fake bosom, far too much make-up, smelling like she had bathed in perfume, and clothes a twenty-year-old wouldn’t be seen dead in.  The skirt was so short, well, it left nothing for the imagination.

My first contact with her, she asked:  “Who are you?”  There was no hello or name.

“I’m commonly regarded as something the cat dragged in,” was my sardonic reply, totally unappreciated.

Olga looked at her, then at me, then back to her.  “He’s the co-pilot, so let’s hope he knows what he’s doing.”

I smiled at her and wandered off.  Nigel came over to rescue his girlfriend.

Olga had a brief word with the steward who was joining us on the flight, said a few words and then headed towards the embarkation door.

I joined her, she flashed her key card, and the doors opened.  Before us was the airbridge down to the plane.

“She’s not very nice, is she?” Olga said as the doors closed behind us.”

“She is a woman of a certain sort.  It just surprises me Nigel would be the sort of man who would indulge in what clearly is trouble.”

I’d seen a lot of women like her, all over the world, though some were a lot more attractive, attached to older men as escorts or being seen.

“Nigel’s filthy rich.  She’s entitled and not of our ilk.  What did you expect?”

Not a lot.

..

It took five and a half hours, including the slight delay getting onto the island, a flight that wasn’t marred by what could have been a small problem.

Jocelyn, Nigel’s girlfriend, started hard on the champagne and then spiralled.  She could drink, but the altitude had an effect, and she got very drunk very quickly.

Private planes didn’t have the same restrictions as commercial planes, and of course, no one was going to stop her from making a fool of herself.

The island medical staff had to take her off the plane.  Nigel apologised, but Richard, who met us at the terminal, almost an extension of his house, seemed totally unperturbed by her behaviour.

It had happened before.  Olga and I watched it unfold from the cockpit.  There was no point going out and laying down the law; that was done by the steward, who was, I discovered, a man who booked no nonsense.

He was also one of Richard’s security staff, which surprised me.  There were more such officers on the island, and it made me wonder whether there was something I had missed when dealing with Richard, or I had just overlooked it because of the relationship we had developed.

I didn’t want to think my vigilance had been blinded by my desire and affection for Olga.  Walking off the plane, Olga stayed in the cockpit to finish the paperwork. The words of one of the instructors at the training farm echoed in my head: A distraction.

And my arrival on the island was not the result of a random invitation; Richard wanted or needed me to be here.

So all I had to do, now, was to find out why.

The others on the plane had disembarked and headed towards the main resort, each getting their room assignment and welcome folder.

I was last off and headed towards the check-in counter.  It was quite a large arrivals lounge, a hint back to when the resort was first built, and when it failed financially, Richard snapped it up at a bargain basement price as his personal Shangri-La.

The woman at the counter was dressed in the former Island resort uniform, as most of the staff did.  Behind her was a security guard, a man most people would want to meet in daylight, let alone on a dark night.

There wasn’t any real reason why there should be.

Unless Richard was expecting trouble.  Which might explain why he asked me here.

The woman, with the name Sharon on a badge, had taken a few surreptitious glances in my direction as I moved towards her.  To anyone else, it would appear her attention was buried in the computer screen.

The island had 140 rooms and huts, the latter built alongside the piers and on stilts over the water.  I was hoping for a hut.

I stood leaning on the desk for about a minute, resisting the urge to press the bell for attention.

She looked up.  “William Burbridge?”

I found it amusing that she would have to ask when I was the last non-staff member off the plane, and it was clear my name was the only one not crossed off the list.

“Yes.”

She put a folder and a key on the counter.  “Have a nice stay.”

“Thank you.”

I recognised the key number.  It was in the east wing, not far from the Dining Room.  Last time I visited, I went over the whole resort and memorised where everything was, especially the exits.

There was a welcome dinner at 7 pm. So I had a few hours to refresh that plan in my head.

Stepping out of the arrival terminal, there was a bridge that crossed the road and stretched for about five hundred yards to the upper entrance to the resort foyer.  Below was the road entrance with steps up to the foyer.

The foyer had aquariums on either side and above the centre one of two atriums, stretching upwards, acting as filtered lighting during the day.  The second was in the dining room. 

It was something to look forward to.

Unpacked, I had an hour to spare and did the outer resort circuit that doubled for the jogging track for the exercise freaks.

I’d done more than a few laps with both Richard and Olga in the past.  I don’t think it was going to be part of this stay.  I was here to relax, not exercise.

Nothing had changed outwardly, and I would have missed it had I not seen two men appearing out of the ground.  That was the illusion.  A close inspection revealed a staircase leading down to somewhere that would make for an interesting question, should we have a discussion about it?  Or keep to myself for a while.

Maybe the only other change that was discernible was the satellite dish about 500 yards from the main building.  I wondered briefly just what his bandwidth was.  It could not be as bad as that in my building.

I wandered slowly towards the end of the pier, and as I approached, I thought I could see the outline of another person.  Just at the point where the light was beginning to disappear, it could be difficult to see anything other than the sun settling, which I remembered was an unforgettable memory for any guests staying.

Then, about ten yards away from the end, a figure came out from behind the boats he’d and stood still, staring out to sea.  A woman. 

I didn’t break stride stepping up to her as she turned.

“Will.”

I stopped, three paces between us, trying not to look surprised.

“Harriet.”  Harriet had been my partner in the last three missions and had been reassigned after the last.  I took that to mean I was out of favour and she had moved on.  “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you?”

“Why?”

“You are consorting with the wrong sort of people.”

“Richard is an eccentric billionaire.  But harmless.”

“Perhaps I should be more worried about your attachment to Olga.”

She meant Harrigan’s worries about my friends and attachments.  I’d checked Richard on that first meeting, as had the department’s investigators.  But that was over a year ago, and I guess eccentric billionaires could get more eccentric over time.

“It’s more an acquaintance than a relationship.  I’m not of their ilk, you know.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Richard asked me to spend the week.  I was at a loose end.”

“And Olga was free?”

“Not to begin with.”  And then a thought occurred to me.  “Does anyone know you’re here?”

“Harrigan.  He’s having kittens.  Both the Danvers are on watch lists, which is why they have private planes.  It was a task trying to find out where you were taken. They filed three separate destinations.  We only found out after the plane departed.”

“Then how the hell …”

“Did I get here?   Need to know.  But since you’re here, your new mission starts now.  There’s a document that is being discussed tomorrow, labelled ‘Operation Skybeam’.”

“There’s more people coming?”

“We assume so.  I’m part of the staff, so if you see me, you don’t see me.  Don’t let us down, and keep your wits about you.  Now, back to the resort and eyes ahead.”

Spying on Richard.  That was going to be interesting.

Or so I thought.

Had I spent any time considering just how precarious my position was, I would not have got on the plane.  Then, if I thought a little longer on how it was my presence on that island was known, and there were agents already in place, I might have thought it somewhat of a coincidence.

That I did not, that I had got my next assignment, had clouded my rational thought processes.

But instead of weighing up all those factors, I simply went back to the main building, had dinner with Richard and Olga, and the others, and retired for the night, together, ready for what was to happen the next day.

The thing is, by the time I reached the room was suddenly very tired.  After all, it had been a long day.  A good dinner, one too many drinks in convivial company, not seeing anyone out of place, or Harriet, made it odd but not surprising.

After all, Harriet was the master of disguise.

My last thought, as my head hit the pillow, everything would sort itself out tomorrow.

I woke, and something was wrong.

Firstly, I didn’t wake refreshed, which was my expectation, being on the island and the fresh air pushed by a gentle breeze through the open windows.

Secondly, I didn’t open the windows before I went to sleep, so who had?

Thirdly, I had a slight headache, but the thumping sound I could hear or feel was not in my head.  Someone was knocking on my door.

I moved and groaned.  It felt like I’d been run over by a truck.  I reached down to massage the ache, and my hand ran over something wet.  I looked at my hand and saw it was bloody.

Or at least red.

I tried to sit up, just as I heard the door crash open, and a second later I had six heavily armoured police surrounding me with guns pointed at my head.

In that same instant, I saw a body next to me.  Basil’s wife, and my guess was she was quite dead, a gunshot to the head, and the gun was on the bed between us.

A voice from one of the armoured men said, in French, “Get the medics in here.”  One of the six left the room.  He looked at me. “You have a lot of explaining to do, Mr William Burbridge.”

©  Charles Heath  2026