When you’re not in the right headspace…

It’s late at night and my mind is drifting into other story territories, what I once thought was the realm of the writer’s mind, to be working on five stories at once.

Anything but what I should be doing.

These ideas are impinging on the current story, and somehow are finding their way onto the page.

Writing, cursing, deleting, re-writing, deleting, cursing.

I’m working on the latest book and it is not going well.  I’m gping through a serious bout of self-doubt.  It’s why I can’t concentrate.

It’s why I’m thinking about the next story, simply because I don’t think this one is good enough.  I’m not sure why; the editor is happy with the way it’s shaping up.

But these periods of doubt cause me to be over critical of what I have written and that leads to a lot of pressing the delete key.

And then to suddenly realize that an action taken in haste can be regrettable, and makes me feel even more depressed when I realize the deletions are irrecoverable.

Damn.

I think I’d be happier in a garret somewhere channelling van Gogh’s rage.

Lesson learned – don’t delete, save it to a text file so it can be retrieved when sanity returns.

I was not happy with the previous start.  Funny about that, because until a few weeks ago I thought the start was perfect.

It seems it’s been like that for a few weeks now, not being able to stick to the job in hand, doing anything but what I’m supposed to be doing.

I recognize the restlessness; I’m not happy with the story as it is, so rather than getting on with it, I find myself writing words just for the sake of writing words.

Any words are better than none, right?

So I rewrote the start, added about a hundred pages and now I have to do a mass of rewriting of what was basically the whole book.

But here’s the thing.

This morning I woke up and looked at the new start, and I suddenly feel my head is in the right space.

 

 

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