I’ve been sitting at the desk staring at the screen thinking of what to write that might interest other people.

It seems I’m not too good at it.

So, I moved seats, sitting opposite the writer’s chair, and took a good long hard look at the person, the so-called writer, conjuring up in my mind, as if I was representing someone just dragged in off the street, what would I ask?

Would I bother?

I mean most of the people who walk down the street are mostly trying to avoid everyone else and anything bad that might happen.

But I’m here now, so for a free cup of tea and a Doubletree cookie, I consider myself bribed.

Question 1:  Why on earth would you want to write when there are a billion other books out there?  It seems a complete waste of time, time that you could be doing something more productive.

[Answer] Good point, most days when I get out of bed or rather stare at the ceiling from under the covers, I wonder why I would want to get up, but, then, that’s winter, and no one can be bothered getting out of a nice warm bed.

In summer, I have to get up to turn on the airconditioning.

OK, just joking, because it sounds like a borderline manic depressive speaking.  The reality might be because of extreme tiredness, and partially from a mild hangover after leaning on that single malt to ease those last 1,000 words for the day onto the page.

Question 2: Say you’re saying you can write better when there’s a glass in your hand?  Has there been a situation where there’s been too much greasing the wheels?

This person has found me out in two questions.

[Answer] No, a little Scotch helps but generally isn’t necessary.

Question 3:  What do you do for inspiration?

[Answer] Thinking up new and novel ways of killing off people I drag in off the street to ask me questions about myself.  No, sorry, didn’t mean that.  I haven’t a mean bone in my body.  Inspiration you say?

Look around, I say.

The inquisitor does.  There are seven floor-to-ceiling bookcases full of my favorite authors, about 4,000 or so books, aside from the reference library that is mostly in e-book format which runs to about 10,000 books.  That’s only for days when I don’t go out.

Out in the wider world, there are endless things that can be used, even the most mundane.

Question 4:  Have you read all of those books?

[Picks up a copy of ‘Kill Me If You Can’ by James Patterson]  This one, for instance?

I nod yes.  I have read most of them.  I tell him writers must read.  Someone told me that a long time ago.  Not only thrillers and crime, but the classics.  I found War and Peace heavy going, but not so much as Madame Bovary, or Vanity Fair.

You can ask one more question.

Question 5:  Can I borrow this book [James Patterson]

As always the answer is yes.  I encourage people to read.  It doesn’t have to be my work. It would be nice but I’m realistic enough to know there are a billion other books out there I have to compete with.

Maybe tomorrow.