For those who believe that airlines can actually take off on time, we have a departure time 4:25, and boarding time, 3:40

Yep, and pigs really do fly. Not

We are still on the ground at 4:25, and the excuse is the late inbound flight but that’s as tired as I feel about airlines who just cannot give their customers the truth.

There is more likely a plethora of problems with this aircraft, and there isn’t enough duck tape to fix them.

I chose Qantas because of their safety record, but first impressions of the Airbus A330-200 is that it was the last plane built by the Wright Brothers.

Yes, it is that old.

The screens in the seatbacks are 5 x 5 inches in size and activated by a hand unit I haven’t seen since the early eighties.

And that unbelievable statistic is compounded by the fact mine is broken and it takes an engineer a few minutes to realize that it needs duck tape to temporarily fix it.

The truth of the matter is that this relic of the past should be at the Qantas museum in outback Queensland, than flying passengers.

I thought Qantas had a youngish fleet, but apparently not. It seems the lack of pilots on Boeing types has forced them to drag these Airbus relics out of mothballs.

I guess it’s our turn to roll the dice.

We are pushing back 1 hour and 8 minutes late. 15 minutes later we take off.

It’s rather unsettling but otherwise normal takeoff, so it’s now going to be interesting how much time we can make up. The flight time as originally quoted by the Captain was 3 hours and 39 minutes.

About an hour into the flight the Captain is obviously either trying hard to make up time or more to the point find a level where the headwinds are not as severe, because for the last ten minutes the engines have been given a real work out.

Usually in flight at this time is quiet, but at the moment we can hardly hear ourselves think. Memo to self must get noise-canceling headphones.

In between all the flight level changes, it’s time for dinner service, or more to the point what’s left service.

There is a choice of three items, beef, pork slop with rice, or chicken, a large cold lump of aforementioned meat with salad, very little salad.

The key choice here is the beef in gravy but by the time the trolley reaches row 50 the beef is all gone.

Surprise, surprise.

Ok, so most of the plane agreed with me on what was the best meal, and the 70 odd passengers down the back of the plane are deprived of a first choice and forced basically to eat leftovers.

I get the pork to prove a point, and it is every bit the garbage I expected and definitely not fit for human consumption.

God help the person who created that ‘dish’ but if it was the winning dish on a Masterchef episode, then I guess we got what we deserved.

Another memo to self, remind me to bring my dog next time. It seems Qantas is able to cater to animals better than they can humans.

Having expressed my opinion, I am reminded that to others the pork and rice dish might have been very good and that I should temper my remarks with the proviso the comments are my own opinion and do not represent that of others who may have enjoyed it.

And after dinner, it didn’t matter if we made up time or not. Leaving late, missing the preferred meal, and enduring no onboard entertainment, no, the engineer decided it needed more than duct tape to fix it, there was nothing left short of crashing that make this flight more enjoyable.

On a scale of one to ten, this was a minus six.