I remember one day many many years ago seeing a piece of graffiti in a railway tunnel: “Being undead isn’t being alive”.
At the time I think I was suffering from a mega hangover. Those were the days where there was no limit to stupidity, particularly when you had to go to work the next day.
But it made we wonder often over the next forty years what the graffiti artist was trying to tell the world.
I think they was alluding to the fact that being alive was more than just drawing breath and eating and sleeping.
I wondered what their predicament was. Had he or she just broken up with a partner, that painful time when one or other calls it quits. I suspect that’s not being undead. I knew what that was like because it had happened to me, and no doubt just about everyone else, over the years, and I can assure you, you know your alive.
It is a pain like no other, that emptiness you feel, the reaching for the phone to talk to the one person you thought understood you, only they are no longer there, turning to the seat where they usually sit, and there is no one there.
Or is it like that feeling of bring betrayed, that awful feeling when you discover your partner is cheating on you, and inevitably you are the last to find out. No, you feel that pain and it can be overwhelming.
That everyone else knew and thought they’d spare your feelings, hardly spares your feelings and only makes the betrayal worse, because your friends were hardly acting as friends
Might it allude to the fact you have become invisible? Might it be you have been abandoned by everyone and everything, that feeling of hopelessness? I suspect it might have been a precursor to depression.
Is it that sensation of first love, so wonderful and yet so precarious, trying not to do the wrong thing, and inevitably making mistakes.
Is it being with family, the people you love and those who love you, doing simple things, sometimes ending each other’s sentences, or thinking the same thought at the same time?
I guess that’s why, when I write a romance novel, there is always a happy ending.
Sorry, perhaps that’s give the ending away on some of my books!