NaNoWriMo – April – 2026 – Day 18

The problems of the day before are gone, and I get back to the plan.

Today I have concentrated on the side excursion I’d come up with the other day and thought it could wait, but I’m at a point, further on, where I need to have this written to feed into the main story.

I’m in two minds about how this should be written because I had two possible outcomes sketched out two possible outcomes, and one leads to quite a different ending.

The plan, son, the plan!

I edit it as it should be, and the other outcome gets crossed out, and the outline is sent to the ‘to be written sometime in the future’ pile.  It’s a strong enough ending to power its own story.

I might even become a sequel.

Hang on, don’t get carried away.  Get this one finished first.

NaNoWriMo – April – 2026 – Day 17

One of the hazards of writing can be being continually critical of your own work. I’m guilty as charged.

But in writing to a plan and in only 30 days, having to edit 50,000 words, there is no time to be critical.

Except…

So far down the track, I should be writing, not being critical.

But the thing is, I’m finding that I have to go back three chapters and read them through to pick up the thread. It’s not because it’s changed in any way from the plan; it’s just that I’m finding it hard to edit to a plan when usually I fly by the seat of my pants.

The trouble with doing that, it gives rise to considering changes, and right now there’s no time for change.

I have 13 days to hold it together.

And 13 is an unlucky number, isn’t it?

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 90

Day 90 – Writing Exercise – The case of the missing passport

There is nothing worse than being in a foreign country and not having your passport.

Or lose it and not know where you lost it.

Or you hid it in what you thought was a safe place, and when you went back, it was not there.

And worse again, know that someone had been in your room, someone you did not want to think would take it.

Those were the choices.

And sitting in a small room in a very large building with a reputation for those going in not necessarily ever coming out again, all of that was cycling through the army head.

There were bigger issues in play, and it was going to be interesting to see how this played out, because in the final wash-up, no matter what happened to me, someone else was in for a very nasty surprise.

My arrival was not without incident, and going through immigration, where I should have been treated as just another member of the consular staff, I had been detained at the airport.

First time ever.

And, of course, not unexpected.

At the briefing before I got on the plane, three people were sitting at the table.  It was unusual because these meetings were usually in a back-alley Cafe where no one cared who you were or what you were.

It bothered me because it had been done in haste, and in my experience, urgency led to mistakes and mistakes led to disaster.

One of our embassies had a traitor.

It couldn’t be handled internally because the notification from an anonymous source said they couldn’t trust anyone, from the head of station down.  That, in itself, sent shockwaves through the man who was obviously in charge of the investigation.

“This matter is urgent.  The PM is going there to sign a historic trade deal and a security deal that is not being advertised.  This allegation makes it a security nightmare.  You will have a week to find out if this is true, and if it is, who.”

“How are you going to explain my sudden arrival?”

I’d seen the activity log for the past year, a rather odd document to add to a briefing package, but it highlighted one simple thing: staff rotations were minimal.  The government also required a full biography of incoming staff and their function.

“Additional help to finalise the draft trade deal document, a specialist in such matters.”

“Which I am not.”

Another of those sitting around the table leaned forward.  “That’s my job, to bring you up to speed.”

Less and less I was liking this.  A knee-jerk reaction, at best.

Proper operations took weeks to put in place.  I wasn’t going to ask about the pedigree of this one.

“You will be a high-level trade negotiator.  You just need to know the basics and get the team over the line.”

“And no one will know anything else?”

“We will be asking the head of station to provide a full background on staff involved in the development of the deal, and their counterparts in the government.  He will not know who you really are.”

But will, if he has even half a brain, know something is afoot.

“And that’s not going to raise suspicions.  If the note is legitimate, then one person will know.  And by implication, if this is a false flag, then…”

I didn’t finish because we all suddenly knew what the stakes were.  We would be handing them a spy.

That briefing didn’t end well.

I was not a spy.

Far from it, I was a fix-it specialist who sometimes got thrown in at the very deep end.

Ostensibly, I was a lowly consular clerk from one of the West Indies islands, sent there several months ago to de-stress from a previous mission in Europe that had gone terribly wrong.

I had anonymity, was not on any radars, and was very adept at blending in.  No one in my previous station knew I existed.

It’s why, when I arrived at the airport, I only got as far as the immigration desk before alarm bells were going off.

It should have been a rubber stamp in the passport of one Alexander Blaine.

It was not.

They knew I was here to join the consular staff, and they knew my life history better than I knew my own.

But, for simplicity’s sake, it mirrored my real-life history.

There, after being taken aside by a man with a scar, and a very severe expression and two soldiers who looked like they wouldn’t need much of an excuse to shoot me, I was brought to an interrogation room.

At least there was no table covered in interrogation tools

I didn’t have to wait long before an immaculately dressed officer who was not police came in, quietly closing the door behind him.

The affable interrogator, the one who wants you to be his friend, the one who asked endless oblique questions, then slips in the doozy.

“Mr Blaine, I presume?”

“I am.”

He moved from the door to the other seat, then stood behind it.  Looking down, establishing a position of power.

“You did not ask or protest about being detained.”

“Why would I?  I expect you have a reason for why I’m here.”

“You are a new embassy official.”

That wasn’t the reason, but from this point on, I was looking for tells, a sign of a reaction to a question or answer he was not expecting.

“Temporary.  They sent me to help work on the trade agreement details.”

“You are an expert?”

“That’s a much overused and maligned word.  Expert, no, experienced, yes, but in getting deals over the line more than anything else.  Fresh eyes, you know, often see what others can’t.”

“The same could be said for spies?”

There it is.  A bit more direct than most, but he was relaxed, the manner and atmosphere friendly, the delivery almost conversational.

“I guess if you read John Le’carre or Charles Cumming perhaps. I am an avid reader of spy novels. Or Sherlock Holmes.  He picked up those small things.  Me, not so good.  Is there something wrong?  If there is, my quick study of your content was wrong.”

“Another oddity, wouldn’t you say?”

“In my case, no.  The government handout on your country was at least six years out of date, so I dug deeper.  The mark of a half-decent diplomat is to at least know the customs and history of the country you are going to work in. And of course, the power of observation.  Would you not do so if you came to my country?”

Not an answer he wanted.  His expression changed very quickly before the benign one came back.

He asked for an example.

I gave him six with historical and historical context.

“Where were you last?”

“England.

“Before that?”

I was going to say Scotland, but something told me he knew a lot more than I thought he did.

“West Indies.”

“By and large, a place you would not want to leave.”

“No.  But I go where I’m told to go.  Until I get to be 40 years old.  Our government doesn’t always do things that make sense.”

“What government does?”

He walked over to the door and opened it.  “Behave, Mr Blaine, and we will not see each other again.”

“I fully intend to, Sir.”

If my arrival at the arrivals gate to the country raised suspicion, my arrival in the foyer of the embassy made that event look more like my first day at a new kindergarten.

I did not believe that the receptionist didn’t know that I was coming.  My imminent arrival had been signalled three days before I landed, and yet here I was, waiting like an asylum seeker in the waiting room.

Had the ambassador simply forgotten?

I had read up on and memorised the names and faces of the thirteen permanent staff, and the seven temporary members of the trade talks negotiating team.

There were no immediate red flags, but there were questions on several.  Gaps that needed explanation.

Fifteen minutes after I sat down, the head of station, or the Embassy Security chief, David Forster, came out.

“I am sorry, Mr Blaine, but we all got our wires crossed, and the dates mixed up.  The Ambassador is not here at the moment and forgot to pass on the information about your impending early arrival.  The day in the calendar was for tomorrow.  I had to call London to get confirmation.”

Not the ambassador himself?  It was more likely he was sending a photograph to a colleague and asking for more serious information about me.  Security chiefs were usually old spies who worked in, or with, the clandestine world, or could still be in the employ of MI5.

With any luck, he might not get very much.  I had been assured that my file was one that matched my new identity, but I’d had such assurances before.

“Would you like to follow me?’

I didn’t, but that was just me after a long day of travelling.

“Of course.”

We walked through the employees-only door into the rather interesting, at least to me, world of the British Diplomatic Service.

From the entrance to the security chief’s office wasn’t far, but it afforded me glimpses of 8 staff members and their locations.  There were very discreet glances, and no sign of the trade team.  I suspect they were on a different floor.

He followed me into the office and shut the door.  I got the impression it wasn’t shut often because it had got larger than the frame and was stuck before it could fully close.

We sat.  “Any trouble getting through the airport?”

I suspect there may have been a call to the embassy before the officer came to see me.

“Yes, actually.  I was pulled out of the line and taken to an interview room.  Some military type in an immaculately uniform asked me a few questions.”

“Sounds like it was Inspector Mecat, the head of the MI5 equivalent in this country.  There are also secret police, and you don’t want to tango with them.  Very nasty.  Very, very nasty.”

Then I won’t, I said to myself.

“Do we work with the police and Mecat’s people?”

“Mecat?  If we need to, otherwise we stay the hell away from them.  And the secret police.  You’ll see them around, part of the new government.”

“And if either arrests me?”

“Then you are on your own.  Your specific instructions, which I’m sure you were given in the memo, are that you’re here to do your job and nothing else.  That you have chosen to live away from the sanctuary of the embassy wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but others have and have not got into trouble.”

Good to know, but the warning was there.  I also got the feeling he was not across my real purpose there, and was making a guess, and that remark, ” You’re on your own, told me that he believed I was not just for the trade agreement.

“I’m just following instructions from above.  Is there something going on here that they don’t know about?”

“Nothing more than working in a country with a quasi-dictatorial government.  It’s no different to some of the embassies in Africa.  I see you’re from Jamaica station.  What were you doing there?”

As if he didn’t know.  I could see the MI5 training, sneaking out from under the forced affability, and if he was not a spook, or of recent vintage, then I would be very surprised.

“Sorting out people who think they can travel to another country and behave inappropriately.  I was working on a trade deal there, but that sort of went badly.  It turned out to be almost a holiday.  I asked for something better, and here I am.”

“Your qualifications are noted as negotiator, and that you started in commerce and trade.  Odd, you were not part of the original team.”

So he had delved into the cover file.

“I’m told I have many talents by my friends, but I always think they’re having a lark.  We all do whatever we can these days.  No diplomatic job has a single focus.  But I’m sure you have better things to do with your time.”

He gave me a long, hard look, the sort you give to an adversary just before the boom is lowered.

“As you say.  The place doesn’t run itself, and when the ambassador is out, well, you know the drill.”

I did and stood.  “Just point me in the direction of the team.”

….

There were several floors.  The ground, the main entrance, guarded and ready for invasions, big or small, the first, the main embassy offices, the second, conference rooms and offices, the third, the ballroom, cafeteria and amenities, fourth and fifth, accommodation.

We went up one floor and to the conference room where the segment members of the team were sitting.  They were in the middle of a discussion when we appeared in the doorway.

He introduced me and left.

Mark Ryder was the leader.  He had been informed I was coming and had sent a strongly worded reply saying I wasn’t needed.  He was going to be a hostile

Next to him, a middle-aged woman, the sort who was dedicated to the job, Professor Annie Jenkins, Oxford-trained and prone to speaking plainly, sometimes too plainly.

Next to her, Bonnie Carson, early twenties, severe expression, personal assistant to the Professor, but an Economics graduate with an M.B.A, and some others like Art History.

On the other side, James Williams, a lawyer, worked on major cases that involved political legal matters and constitutional law.  A man who takes matters very seriously.

Next to him, Jamie Lawson, also a lawyer, one who didn’t take himself seriously, has a current relationship with a local woman, one he hadn’t told anyone else about.

And last, Jane Porter.  She was an enigma.  I read her resume, and it was just that fraction too good.  Yes, she had been at the places she said she had, but I don’t think the qualifications attained were accurate.

She was a last-minute addition, replacing a girl who got sick the day before the team was to leave, and it remained unexplained what caused her illness.

Jane Porter was at the top of my list of suspects.

“So,” Ryder said, after leaving just the right amount of squirm time before addressing me, “just what are the lords and masters in the ivory tower up to?”

Did I say he was noted for his disparagement of the management of government departments being run by the privileged few, men he believed were only there by title and not experience or know-how?

He was right, of course, but it was suicide to say it out loud.

I shrugged.  “That you will have to ask those back in the ivory tower.  I got a memo saying get on a plane and get here, and that you would fill me in.  So,” I said as I dragged a chair out from under the table, noisily, and dropped my laptop on the desk with a bang, “you tell me what kind of shit-fest you’ve got going here that I get dragged halfway around the world to sort it out?”

Note in file: does not handle confrontation well.

It was true.  I knew the sort and had to deal with them since I left university, even in university if it came to that.

The two hours it took to get up to speed were illuminating.  The problems were not the deal; the problem was with the government’s attitude to matters relating to human rights.

That was the reason I was given back in London, and not the Ryder nebulous excuse that their negotiators didn’t like several clauses relating to the mining and export of rare earth minerals.

No one wanted to tackle it head-on.  We could not in all conscience accept a product that was mined by children who were basically slave labour working in horrendous conditions.

The government had countered with a tour of the mine sites, and the accompanying media teams got a completely different view of the operation.  The reality, photos smuggled out of the real working conditions, showed a different side.

But it was the same in quite a few third-world countries, countries we dealt with, for the sake of helping their people.  Here, we had done the same, but it seemed the ruling elite got richer and the rest remained poor, living in squalor.

Ryder had the evidence, the toss wanted him to take it up with the negotiators, but he was reluctant.  I suspect he had broached the subject, and they came back aggressively.

I had no authority to assume any responsibility, but I did deliver an envelope to his superior in London, and the relevant minister after the meeting ended.

He knew who they were from.

“Not the sort of words that would ever be sent by any other means than a hapless courier,” I said, once they’d passed from my hand to his.

“Seriously?”

“They don’t trust electronic messaging or mail services.”

“Who are you, really?”

“Diplomatic staff.  Here to help in any way I can.”

“This is about the rare earth minerals, isn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t know precisely.  You just need to add a clause that says that the company in charge of the mining must adhere to international laws regarding the employment of minors.”

“I spoke to their head negotiator on the issue, and he assured me they complied with all the international protocols, but for the sake of good order, said things would go smoother if we just took them at their word.”

“Then I suspect you will be between a rock and a hard place.  I’ll be here until the minister comes or not.”

He was not pleased.

I’d been there for three days and covered everyone in the embassy, including a gathering on the third floor to introduce me to everyone.

The Ambassador was back from a neighbouring country and greeted me like I was an old friend he hadn’t seen in years.  He was the perfect man for the job, with a disarming manner and cheerful attitude.  Bombs would be falling around him, and that smile would be there, telling everyone it was just a minor inconvenience.

What was clear, he and Ryder did not like each other at all, and he and the professor did not like each other at all.

Forster introduced me to each of the staff, and only one gave me a bad vibe, if it could be called that, Allison Dupre.  She had a French accent, somewhat forced, late twenties, perhaps older, and my impression; she was trying to look like something she was not.

When we shook hands, which surprised me, I felt a sudden darkness coming over me.  I thought she seemed familiar, but I didn’t recognise her as anyone I had met before.

She just didn’t recognise me at all.

The following night, as I was leaving, I saw Allison and Jane Porter in the middle of a heated discussion.  I didn’t give it much thought.  Such discussions were not rare, though usually an embassy’s staff were a tightly knit unit, especially in countries such as this.

Then, as luck would have it, Porter was going out, and I was a safe distance behind her.  It was a breach of protocol to go out alone, especially in the circumstances.  She was either very brave or very stupid.

I would check the next day if she had told anyone.

Meantime, I followed her to, of all places, the hotel where I was staying for the week, not one of the five stars, but a three and a half star special, picked randomly from one of those cheapest rate websites.

I considered not going in, but when I saw her go to the reception, have a short conversation, a shake of the head from the clerk, she went over to the lounge seats and picked one.

I shrugged and ambled in.  She saw me at the same time I saw her and got up out of the seat.

Had Jane come to see me?

“Thomas.”

“Jane.  But please call me Tom.  It doesn’t sound as pompous.”

“Tom, then.”

“You shouldn’t be out alone; you do know that?”

“I wanted to see you away from the embassy and the prying eyes.”

“How do you know Ryder hasn’t got you under surveillance.  I’ve seen at least two MI5 types trying to make themselves invisible.  And I’m sure there are rules against fraternisation.”

“Is that what you think this is?”

“No, but it’s more about what others might construe it to be.  That’s just the world we live in.”

Where was this going?

“You’re the one they sent out to find the traitor.”

Which meant she was either the instigator or the target.  If she were the latter, then I was just exposed. Perhaps I was dealing with someone very clever.  We moved to a quiet corner where I could see everyone else.

“What traitor?”  I put on my much-practised benign expression and looked appropriately surprised.

“I put in coded messages, and days later, here you are “

“Coincidence, I assure you.  I was yanked out of Jamaica to help get this trade deal over the line.  I am not happy about it.  And if there is this traitor, and I’m assuming it’s in the embassy, and one of the staff, the person to take it to is Forster, head of security.”

“I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could kick him.  Tried it on the first day after I arrived.  God’s gift to women, he said.  Allison thinks he’s a legend and just told me he was hers.”

It was wrong on so many levels

“His problem, not yours.  Ours.  She’s also meeting up with one of those secret police types.  Even in civvies, you can tell.  She’d been here before, on an archaeological dig.”

OK, that wasn’t in the briefing papers.

“How do you know that?”

“She told me.  Then, I figured that the reason why the government always seemed to know what we were planning before we told them was from a leak, and she’s it.”

“I think Foster’s would know if that was the case.  Logically speaking, if he was responsible for knowing everything about the people in his purview.”

Then, something that really bothered me.  Allison was walking from the life lobby to the front door, almost disguised, and had another guest not dropped his briefcase, I would have missed her.

Moments after Allison passed through the main entrance, Jane’s phone buzzed.  She looked at and stood, almost too quickly.

“Sorry.  Just forget I said anything.  It’s clear you’re not who I thought you were.”

And then left, almost running.

If I was not mistaken, if I were to go up to my room, I would find that it had been searched.  I’m not sure what that meant, but I had to guess. Forster had just used two staff members in a clever operation, one to distract, the other to search.

They would find nothing.

It meant that Forster was resourceful.  He knew where I was staying, and I hadn’t told anyone exactly where I was.

This was the decoy room, the one I did tell them about.  It looked like I was staying in the room, but I was not.

Just the same, I went up and checked.  The seals were broken.  Everything looked the same, but the photos I’d taken of where everything was placed were slightly askew.  Hurried.

My list of one became a list of three.

©  Charles Heath 2026

An excerpt from “Mistaken Identity” – a work in progress

The odds of any one of us having a doppelganger are quite high. Whether or not you got to meet him or her, or be confronted by them was significantly lower. Except of course, unless you are a celebrity.

It was a phenomenon remarkable only for the fact, at times, certain high-profile people, notorious or not, had doubles if only to put off enemies or the general public. Sometimes we see people in the street, people who look like someone we knew, and made the mistake of approaching them like a long lost friend, only to discover an embarrassed individual desperately trying to get away for what they perceive is a stalker or worse.

And then sometimes it is a picture that looms up on a TV screen, an almost exact likeness of you. At first, you are fascinated, and then according to the circumstances, and narrative that is attached to that picture, either flattered or horrified.

For me one turned to the other when I saw an almost likeness of me flash up on the screen when I turned the TV on in my room. What looked to be my photo, with only minor differences, was in the corner of the screen, the newsreader speaking in rapid Italian, so fast I could only translate every second or third word.

But the one word I did recognize was murder. The photo of the man up on the screen was the subject of an extensive manhunt. The crime, the murder of a woman in the very same hotel I was staying, and it was being played out live several floors above me. The gist of the story, the woman had been seen with, and staying with the man who was my double, and, less than an hour ago, the body had been discovered by a chambermaid.

The killer, the announcer said, was believed to be still in the hotel because the woman had died shortly before she had been discovered.

I watched, at first fascinated at what I was seeing. I guess I should have been horrified, but at that moment it didn’t register that I might be mistaken for that man.

Not until another five minutes had passed, and I was watching the police in full riot gear, with a camera crew following behind, coming up a passage towards a room. Live action of the arrest of the suspected killer the breathless commentator said.

Then, suddenly, there was a pounding on the door. On the TV screen, plain to see, was the number of my room.
I looked through the peephole and saw an army of police officers. It didn’t take much to realize what had happened. The hotel staff identified me as the man in the photograph on the TV and called the police.

Horrified wasn’t what I was feeling right then.

It was fear.

My last memory was the door crashing open, the wood splintering, and men rushing into the room, screaming at me, waving guns, and when I put my hands up to defend myself, I heard a gunshot.

And in one very confused and probably near-death experience, I thought I saw my mother and thought what was she doing in Rome?

I was the archetypal nobody.

I lived in a small flat, I drove a nondescript car, had an average job in a low profile travel agency, was single, and currently not involved in a relationship, no children, and according to my workmates, no life.

They were wrong. I was one of those people who preferred their own company, I had a cat, and travelled whenever I could. And I did have a ‘thing’ for Rosalie, one of the reasons why I stayed at the travel agency. I didn’t expect anything to come of it, but one could always hope.

I was both pleased and excited to be going to the conference. It was my first, and the glimpse I had seen of it had whetted my appetite for more information about the nuances of my profession.

Some would say that a travel agent wasn’t much of a job, but to me, it was every bit as demanding as being an accountant or a lawyer. You were providing a customer with a service, and arguably more people needed a travel agent than a lawyer. At least that was what I told myself, as I watched more and more people start using the internet, and our relevance slowly dissipating.

This conference was about countering that trend.

The trip over had been uneventful. I was met at the airport and taken to the hotel where the conference was being held with a number of other delegates who had arrived on the same plane. I had mingled with a number of other delegates at the pre conference get together, including one whose name was Maryanne.

She was an unusual young woman, not the sort that I usually met, because she was the one who was usually surrounded by all the boys, the life of the party. In normal circumstances, I would not have introduced myself to her, but she had approached me. Why did I think that may have been significant? All of this ran through my mind, culminating in the last event on the highlight reel, the door bursting open, men rushing into my room, and then one of the policemen opened fire.

I replayed that last scene again, trying to see the face of my assailant, but it was just a sea of men in battle dress, bullet proof vests and helmets, accompanied by screaming and yelling, some of which I identified as “Get on the floor”.

Then came the shot.

Why ask me to get on the floor if all they were going to do was shoot me. I was putting my hands up at the time, in surrender, not reaching for a weapon.

Then I saw the face again, hovering in the background like a ghost. My mother. Only the hair was different, and her clothes, and then the image was going, perhaps a figment of my imagination brought on by pain killing drugs. I tried to imagine the scene again, but this time it played out, without the image of my mother.

I opened my eyes took stock of my surroundings. What I felt in that exact moment couldn’t be described. I should most likely be dead, the result of a gunshot wound. I guess I should be thankful the shooter hadn’t aimed at anything vital, but that was the only item on the plus side.

I was in a hospital room with a policeman by the door. He was reading a newspaper, and sitting uncomfortably on a small chair. He gave me a quick glance when he heard me move slightly, but didn’t acknowledge me with either a nod, or a greeting, just went back to the paper.

If I still had a police guard, then I was still considered a suspect. What was interesting was that I was not handcuffed to the bed. Perhaps that only happened in TV shows. Or maybe they knew I couldn’t run because my injuries were too serious. Or the guard would shoot me long before my feet hit the floor. I knew the police well enough now to know they would shoot first and ask questions later.

On the physical side, I had a large bandage over the top left corner of my chest, extending over my shoulder. A little poking and prodding determined the bullet had hit somewhere between the top of my rib cage and my shoulder. Nothing vital there, but my arm might be somewhat useless for a while, depending on what the bullet hit on the way in, or through.

It didn’t feel like there were any broken or damaged bones.

That was the good news.

On the other side of the ledger, my mental state, there was only one word that could describe it. Terrified. I was looking at a murder charge and jail time, a lot of it. Murder usually had a long time in jail attached to it.

Whatever had happened, I didn’t do it. I know I didn’t do it, but I had to try and explain this to people who had already made up their minds. I searched my mind for evidence. It was there, but in the confused state brought on by the medication, all I could think about was jail, and the sort of company I was going to have.

I think death would have been preferable.

Half an hour later, maybe longer, I was drifting in an out of consciousness, a nurse, or what I thought was a nurse, came into the room. The guard stood, checked her ID card, and then stood by the door.

She came over and stood beside the bed. “How are you?” she asked, first in Italian, and when I pretended I didn’t understand, she asked the same question in accented English.

“Alive, I guess,” I said. “No one has come and told what my condition is yet. You are my first visitor. Can you tell me?”

“Of course. You are very lucky to be alive. You will be fine and make a full recovery. The doctors here are excellent at their work.”

“What happens now?”

“I check you, and then you have a another visitor. He is from the British Embassy I think. But he will have to wait until I have finished my examination.”

I realized then she was a doctor, not a nurse.

My second visitor was a man, dressed in a suit the sort of which I associated with the British Civil Service.  He was not very old which told me he was probably a recent graduate on his first posting, the junior officer who drew the short straw.

The guard checked his ID but again did not leave the room, sitting back down and going back to his newspaper.

My visitor introduced himself as Alex Jordan from the British Embassy in Rome and that he had been asked by the Ambassador to sort out what he labelled a tricky mess.

For starters, it was good to see that someone cared about what happened to me.  But, equally, I knew the mantra, get into trouble overseas, and there is not much we can do to help you.  So, after that lengthy introduction, I had to wonder why he was here.

I said, “They think I am an international criminal by the name of Jacob Westerbury, whose picture looks just like me, and apparently for them it is an open and shut case.”  I could still hear the fragments of the yelling as the police burst through the door, at the same time telling me to get on the floor with my hands over my head.

“It’s not.  They know they’ve got the wrong man, which is why I’m here.  There is the issue of what had been described as excessive force, and the fact you were shot had made it an all-round embarrassment for them.”

“Then why are you here?  Shouldn’t they be here apologizing?”

“That is why you have another visitor.  I only took precedence because I insisted I speak with you first.  I have come, basically to ask you for a favour.  This situation has afforded us with an opportunity.  We would like you to sign the official document which basically indemnifies them against any legal proceedings.”

Curious.  What sort of opportunity was he talking about?  Was this a matter than could get difficult and I could be charged by the Italian Government, even if I wasn’t guilty, or was it one of those hush hush type deals, you do this for us, we’ll help you out with that.  “What sort of opportunity?”

“We want to get our hands on Jacob Westerbury as much as they do.  They’ve made a mistake, and we’d like to use that to get custody of him if or when he is arrested in this country.  I’m sure you would also like this man brought into custody as soon as possible so you will stop being confused with him.  I can only imagine what it was like to be arrested in the manner you were.  And I would not blame you if you wanted to get some compensation for what they’ve done.  But.  There are bigger issues in play here, and you would be doing this for your country.”

I wondered what would happen if I didn’t agree to his proposal.  I had to ask, “What if I don’t?”

His expression didn’t change.  “I’m sure you are a sensible man Mr Pargeter, who is more than willing to help his country whenever he can.  They have agreed to take care of all your hospital expenses, and refund the cost of the Conference, and travel.  I’m sure I could also get them to pay for a few days at Capri, or Sorrento if you like, before you go home.  What do you say?”

There was only one thing I could say.  Wasn’t it treason if you went against your country’s wishes?

“I’m not an unreasonable man, Alex.  Go do your deal, and I’ll sign the papers.”

“Good man.”

After Alex left, the doctor came back to announce the arrival of a woman, by the way she had announced herself, the publicity officer from the Italian police. When she came into the room, she was not dressed in a uniform.

The doctor left after giving a brief report to the civilian at the door. I understood the gist of it, “The patient has recovered excellently and the wounds are healing as expected. There is no cause for concern.”

That was a relief.

While the doctor was speaking to the civilian, I speculated on who she might be. She was young, not more than thirty, conservatively dressed so an official of some kind, but not necessarily with the police. Did they have prosecutors? I was unfamiliar with the Italian legal system.

She had long wavy black hair and the sort of sultry looks of an Italian movie star, and her presence made me more curious than fearful though I couldn’t say why.

The woman then spoke to the guard, and he reluctantly got up and left the room, closing the door behind him.
She checked the door, and then came back towards me, standing at the end of the bed. Now alone, she said, “A few questions before we begin.” Her English was only slightly accented. “Your name is Jack Pargeter?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“You are in Rome to attend the Travel Agents Conference at the Hilton Hotel?”

“Yes.”

“You attended a preconference introduction on the evening of the 25th, after arriving from London at approximately 4:25 pm.”

“About that time, yes. I know it was about five when the bus came to collect me, and several others, to take us to the hotel.”

She smiled. It was then I noticed she was reading from a small notepad.

“It was ten past five to be precise. The driver had been held up in traffic. We have a number of witnesses who saw you on the plane, on the bus, at the hotel, and with the aid of closed circuit TV we have established you are not the criminal Jacob Westerbury.”

She put her note book back in her bag and then said, “My name is Vicenza Andretti and I am with the prosecutor’s office. I am here to formally apologize for the situation that can only be described as a case of mistaken identity. I assure you it is not the habit of our police officers to shoot people unless they have a very strong reason for doing so. I understand that in the confusion of the arrest one of our officers accidentally discharged his weapon. We are undergoing a very thorough investigation into the circumstances of this event.”

I was not sure why, but between the time I had spoken to the embassy official and now, something about letting them off so easily was bugging me. I could see why they had sent her. It would be difficult to be angry or annoyed with her.

But I was annoyed.

“Do you often send a whole squad of trigger happy riot police to arrest a single man?” It came out harsher than I intended.

“My men believed they were dealing with a dangerous criminal.”

“Do I look like a dangerous criminal?” And then I realized if it was mistaken identity, the answer would be yes.

She saw the look on my face, and said quietly, “I think you know the answer to that question, Mr. Pargeter.”

“Well, it was overkill.”

“As I said, we are very sorry for the circumstances you now find yourself in. You must understand that we honestly believed we were dealing with an armed and dangerous murderer, and we were acting within our mandate. My department will cover your medical expenses, and any other amounts for the inconvenience this has caused you. I believe you were attending a conference at your hotel. I am very sorry but given the medical circumstances you have, you will have to remain here for a few more days.”

“I guess, then, I should thank you for not killing me.”

Her expression told me that was not the best thing I could have said in the circumstances.

“I mean, I should thank you for the hospital and the care. But a question or two of my own. May I?”

She nodded.

“Did you catch this Jacob Westerbury character?”

“No. In the confusion created by your arrest he escaped. Once we realized we had made a mistake and reviewed the close circuit TV, we tracked him leaving by a rear exit.”

“Are you sure it was one of your men who shot me?”

I watched as her expression changed, to one of surprise.

“You don’t think it was one of my men?”

“Oddly enough no. But don’t ask me why.”

“It is very interesting that you should say that, because in our initial investigation, it appeared none of our officer’s weapons had been discharged. A forensic investigation into the bullet tells us it was one that is used in our weapons, but…”

I could see their dilemma.

“Have you any enemies that would want to shoot you Mr Pargeter?”

That was absurd because I had no enemies, at least none that I knew of, much less anyone who would want me dead.

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Then it is strange, and will perhaps remain a mystery. I will let you know if anything more is revealed in our investigation.”

She took an envelope out of her briefcase and opened it, pulling out several sheets of paper.

I knew what it was. A verbal apology was one thing, but a signed waiver would cover them legally. They had sent a pretty girl to charm me. Perhaps using anyone else it would not have worked. There was potential for a huge litigation payout here, and someone more ruthless would jump at the chance of making a few million out of the Italian Government.

“We need a signature on this document,” she said.

“Absolving you of any wrong doing?”

“I have apologized. We will take whatever measures are required for your comfort after this event. We are accepting responsibility for our actions, and are being reasonable.”

They were. I took the pen from her and signed the documents.

“You couldn’t add dinner with you on that list of benefits?” No harm in asking.

“I am unfortunately unavailable.”

I smiled. “It wasn’t a request for a date, just dinner. You can tell me about Rome, as only a resident can. Please.”

She looked me up and down, searching for the ulterior motive. When she couldn’t find one, she said, “We shall see once the hospital discharges you in a few days.”

“Then I’ll pencil you in?”

She looked at me quizzically. “What is this pencil me in?”

“It’s an English colloquialism. It means maybe. As when you write something in pencil, it is easy to erase it.”

A momentary frown, then recognition and a smile. “I shall remember that. Thank-you for your time and co-operation Mr. Pargeter. Good morning.”

© Charles Heath 2015-2021

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 90

Day 90 – Writing Exercise – The case of the missing passport

There is nothing worse than being in a foreign country and not having your passport.

Or lose it and not know where you lost it.

Or you hid it in what you thought was a safe place, and when you went back, it was not there.

And worse again, know that someone had been in your room, someone you did not want to think would take it.

Those were the choices.

And sitting in a small room in a very large building with a reputation for those going in not necessarily ever coming out again, all of that was cycling through the army head.

There were bigger issues in play, and it was going to be interesting to see how this played out, because in the final wash-up, no matter what happened to me, someone else was in for a very nasty surprise.

My arrival was not without incident, and going through immigration, where I should have been treated as just another member of the consular staff, I had been detained at the airport.

First time ever.

And, of course, not unexpected.

At the briefing before I got on the plane, three people were sitting at the table.  It was unusual because these meetings were usually in a back-alley Cafe where no one cared who you were or what you were.

It bothered me because it had been done in haste, and in my experience, urgency led to mistakes and mistakes led to disaster.

One of our embassies had a traitor.

It couldn’t be handled internally because the notification from an anonymous source said they couldn’t trust anyone, from the head of station down.  That, in itself, sent shockwaves through the man who was obviously in charge of the investigation.

“This matter is urgent.  The PM is going there to sign a historic trade deal and a security deal that is not being advertised.  This allegation makes it a security nightmare.  You will have a week to find out if this is true, and if it is, who.”

“How are you going to explain my sudden arrival?”

I’d seen the activity log for the past year, a rather odd document to add to a briefing package, but it highlighted one simple thing: staff rotations were minimal.  The government also required a full biography of incoming staff and their function.

“Additional help to finalise the draft trade deal document, a specialist in such matters.”

“Which I am not.”

Another of those sitting around the table leaned forward.  “That’s my job, to bring you up to speed.”

Less and less I was liking this.  A knee-jerk reaction, at best.

Proper operations took weeks to put in place.  I wasn’t going to ask about the pedigree of this one.

“You will be a high-level trade negotiator.  You just need to know the basics and get the team over the line.”

“And no one will know anything else?”

“We will be asking the head of station to provide a full background on staff involved in the development of the deal, and their counterparts in the government.  He will not know who you really are.”

But will, if he has even half a brain, know something is afoot.

“And that’s not going to raise suspicions.  If the note is legitimate, then one person will know.  And by implication, if this is a false flag, then…”

I didn’t finish because we all suddenly knew what the stakes were.  We would be handing them a spy.

That briefing didn’t end well.

I was not a spy.

Far from it, I was a fix-it specialist who sometimes got thrown in at the very deep end.

Ostensibly, I was a lowly consular clerk from one of the West Indies islands, sent there several months ago to de-stress from a previous mission in Europe that had gone terribly wrong.

I had anonymity, was not on any radars, and was very adept at blending in.  No one in my previous station knew I existed.

It’s why, when I arrived at the airport, I only got as far as the immigration desk before alarm bells were going off.

It should have been a rubber stamp in the passport of one Alexander Blaine.

It was not.

They knew I was here to join the consular staff, and they knew my life history better than I knew my own.

But, for simplicity’s sake, it mirrored my real-life history.

There, after being taken aside by a man with a scar, and a very severe expression and two soldiers who looked like they wouldn’t need much of an excuse to shoot me, I was brought to an interrogation room.

At least there was no table covered in interrogation tools

I didn’t have to wait long before an immaculately dressed officer who was not police came in, quietly closing the door behind him.

The affable interrogator, the one who wants you to be his friend, the one who asked endless oblique questions, then slips in the doozy.

“Mr Blaine, I presume?”

“I am.”

He moved from the door to the other seat, then stood behind it.  Looking down, establishing a position of power.

“You did not ask or protest about being detained.”

“Why would I?  I expect you have a reason for why I’m here.”

“You are a new embassy official.”

That wasn’t the reason, but from this point on, I was looking for tells, a sign of a reaction to a question or answer he was not expecting.

“Temporary.  They sent me to help work on the trade agreement details.”

“You are an expert?”

“That’s a much overused and maligned word.  Expert, no, experienced, yes, but in getting deals over the line more than anything else.  Fresh eyes, you know, often see what others can’t.”

“The same could be said for spies?”

There it is.  A bit more direct than most, but he was relaxed, the manner and atmosphere friendly, the delivery almost conversational.

“I guess if you read John Le’carre or Charles Cumming perhaps. I am an avid reader of spy novels. Or Sherlock Holmes.  He picked up those small things.  Me, not so good.  Is there something wrong?  If there is, my quick study of your content was wrong.”

“Another oddity, wouldn’t you say?”

“In my case, no.  The government handout on your country was at least six years out of date, so I dug deeper.  The mark of a half-decent diplomat is to at least know the customs and history of the country you are going to work in. And of course, the power of observation.  Would you not do so if you came to my country?”

Not an answer he wanted.  His expression changed very quickly before the benign one came back.

He asked for an example.

I gave him six with historical and historical context.

“Where were you last?”

“England.

“Before that?”

I was going to say Scotland, but something told me he knew a lot more than I thought he did.

“West Indies.”

“By and large, a place you would not want to leave.”

“No.  But I go where I’m told to go.  Until I get to be 40 years old.  Our government doesn’t always do things that make sense.”

“What government does?”

He walked over to the door and opened it.  “Behave, Mr Blaine, and we will not see each other again.”

“I fully intend to, Sir.”

If my arrival at the arrivals gate to the country raised suspicion, my arrival in the foyer of the embassy made that event look more like my first day at a new kindergarten.

I did not believe that the receptionist didn’t know that I was coming.  My imminent arrival had been signalled three days before I landed, and yet here I was, waiting like an asylum seeker in the waiting room.

Had the ambassador simply forgotten?

I had read up on and memorised the names and faces of the thirteen permanent staff, and the seven temporary members of the trade talks negotiating team.

There were no immediate red flags, but there were questions on several.  Gaps that needed explanation.

Fifteen minutes after I sat down, the head of station, or the Embassy Security chief, David Forster, came out.

“I am sorry, Mr Blaine, but we all got our wires crossed, and the dates mixed up.  The Ambassador is not here at the moment and forgot to pass on the information about your impending early arrival.  The day in the calendar was for tomorrow.  I had to call London to get confirmation.”

Not the ambassador himself?  It was more likely he was sending a photograph to a colleague and asking for more serious information about me.  Security chiefs were usually old spies who worked in, or with, the clandestine world, or could still be in the employ of MI5.

With any luck, he might not get very much.  I had been assured that my file was one that matched my new identity, but I’d had such assurances before.

“Would you like to follow me?’

I didn’t, but that was just me after a long day of travelling.

“Of course.”

We walked through the employees-only door into the rather interesting, at least to me, world of the British Diplomatic Service.

From the entrance to the security chief’s office wasn’t far, but it afforded me glimpses of 8 staff members and their locations.  There were very discreet glances, and no sign of the trade team.  I suspect they were on a different floor.

He followed me into the office and shut the door.  I got the impression it wasn’t shut often because it had got larger than the frame and was stuck before it could fully close.

We sat.  “Any trouble getting through the airport?”

I suspect there may have been a call to the embassy before the officer came to see me.

“Yes, actually.  I was pulled out of the line and taken to an interview room.  Some military type in an immaculately uniform asked me a few questions.”

“Sounds like it was Inspector Mecat, the head of the MI5 equivalent in this country.  There are also secret police, and you don’t want to tango with them.  Very nasty.  Very, very nasty.”

Then I won’t, I said to myself.

“Do we work with the police and Mecat’s people?”

“Mecat?  If we need to, otherwise we stay the hell away from them.  And the secret police.  You’ll see them around, part of the new government.”

“And if either arrests me?”

“Then you are on your own.  Your specific instructions, which I’m sure you were given in the memo, are that you’re here to do your job and nothing else.  That you have chosen to live away from the sanctuary of the embassy wasn’t the wisest thing to do, but others have and have not got into trouble.”

Good to know, but the warning was there.  I also got the feeling he was not across my real purpose there, and was making a guess, and that remark, ” You’re on your own, told me that he believed I was not just for the trade agreement.

“I’m just following instructions from above.  Is there something going on here that they don’t know about?”

“Nothing more than working in a country with a quasi-dictatorial government.  It’s no different to some of the embassies in Africa.  I see you’re from Jamaica station.  What were you doing there?”

As if he didn’t know.  I could see the MI5 training, sneaking out from under the forced affability, and if he was not a spook, or of recent vintage, then I would be very surprised.

“Sorting out people who think they can travel to another country and behave inappropriately.  I was working on a trade deal there, but that sort of went badly.  It turned out to be almost a holiday.  I asked for something better, and here I am.”

“Your qualifications are noted as negotiator, and that you started in commerce and trade.  Odd, you were not part of the original team.”

So he had delved into the cover file.

“I’m told I have many talents by my friends, but I always think they’re having a lark.  We all do whatever we can these days.  No diplomatic job has a single focus.  But I’m sure you have better things to do with your time.”

He gave me a long, hard look, the sort you give to an adversary just before the boom is lowered.

“As you say.  The place doesn’t run itself, and when the ambassador is out, well, you know the drill.”

I did and stood.  “Just point me in the direction of the team.”

….

There were several floors.  The ground, the main entrance, guarded and ready for invasions, big or small, the first, the main embassy offices, the second, conference rooms and offices, the third, the ballroom, cafeteria and amenities, fourth and fifth, accommodation.

We went up one floor and to the conference room where the segment members of the team were sitting.  They were in the middle of a discussion when we appeared in the doorway.

He introduced me and left.

Mark Ryder was the leader.  He had been informed I was coming and had sent a strongly worded reply saying I wasn’t needed.  He was going to be a hostile

Next to him, a middle-aged woman, the sort who was dedicated to the job, Professor Annie Jenkins, Oxford-trained and prone to speaking plainly, sometimes too plainly.

Next to her, Bonnie Carson, early twenties, severe expression, personal assistant to the Professor, but an Economics graduate with an M.B.A, and some others like Art History.

On the other side, James Williams, a lawyer, worked on major cases that involved political legal matters and constitutional law.  A man who takes matters very seriously.

Next to him, Jamie Lawson, also a lawyer, one who didn’t take himself seriously, has a current relationship with a local woman, one he hadn’t told anyone else about.

And last, Jane Porter.  She was an enigma.  I read her resume, and it was just that fraction too good.  Yes, she had been at the places she said she had, but I don’t think the qualifications attained were accurate.

She was a last-minute addition, replacing a girl who got sick the day before the team was to leave, and it remained unexplained what caused her illness.

Jane Porter was at the top of my list of suspects.

“So,” Ryder said, after leaving just the right amount of squirm time before addressing me, “just what are the lords and masters in the ivory tower up to?”

Did I say he was noted for his disparagement of the management of government departments being run by the privileged few, men he believed were only there by title and not experience or know-how?

He was right, of course, but it was suicide to say it out loud.

I shrugged.  “That you will have to ask those back in the ivory tower.  I got a memo saying get on a plane and get here, and that you would fill me in.  So,” I said as I dragged a chair out from under the table, noisily, and dropped my laptop on the desk with a bang, “you tell me what kind of shit-fest you’ve got going here that I get dragged halfway around the world to sort it out?”

Note in file: does not handle confrontation well.

It was true.  I knew the sort and had to deal with them since I left university, even in university if it came to that.

The two hours it took to get up to speed were illuminating.  The problems were not the deal; the problem was with the government’s attitude to matters relating to human rights.

That was the reason I was given back in London, and not the Ryder nebulous excuse that their negotiators didn’t like several clauses relating to the mining and export of rare earth minerals.

No one wanted to tackle it head-on.  We could not in all conscience accept a product that was mined by children who were basically slave labour working in horrendous conditions.

The government had countered with a tour of the mine sites, and the accompanying media teams got a completely different view of the operation.  The reality, photos smuggled out of the real working conditions, showed a different side.

But it was the same in quite a few third-world countries, countries we dealt with, for the sake of helping their people.  Here, we had done the same, but it seemed the ruling elite got richer and the rest remained poor, living in squalor.

Ryder had the evidence, the toss wanted him to take it up with the negotiators, but he was reluctant.  I suspect he had broached the subject, and they came back aggressively.

I had no authority to assume any responsibility, but I did deliver an envelope to his superior in London, and the relevant minister after the meeting ended.

He knew who they were from.

“Not the sort of words that would ever be sent by any other means than a hapless courier,” I said, once they’d passed from my hand to his.

“Seriously?”

“They don’t trust electronic messaging or mail services.”

“Who are you, really?”

“Diplomatic staff.  Here to help in any way I can.”

“This is about the rare earth minerals, isn’t it?”

“I wouldn’t know precisely.  You just need to add a clause that says that the company in charge of the mining must adhere to international laws regarding the employment of minors.”

“I spoke to their head negotiator on the issue, and he assured me they complied with all the international protocols, but for the sake of good order, said things would go smoother if we just took them at their word.”

“Then I suspect you will be between a rock and a hard place.  I’ll be here until the minister comes or not.”

He was not pleased.

I’d been there for three days and covered everyone in the embassy, including a gathering on the third floor to introduce me to everyone.

The Ambassador was back from a neighbouring country and greeted me like I was an old friend he hadn’t seen in years.  He was the perfect man for the job, with a disarming manner and cheerful attitude.  Bombs would be falling around him, and that smile would be there, telling everyone it was just a minor inconvenience.

What was clear, he and Ryder did not like each other at all, and he and the professor did not like each other at all.

Forster introduced me to each of the staff, and only one gave me a bad vibe, if it could be called that, Allison Dupre.  She had a French accent, somewhat forced, late twenties, perhaps older, and my impression; she was trying to look like something she was not.

When we shook hands, which surprised me, I felt a sudden darkness coming over me.  I thought she seemed familiar, but I didn’t recognise her as anyone I had met before.

She just didn’t recognise me at all.

The following night, as I was leaving, I saw Allison and Jane Porter in the middle of a heated discussion.  I didn’t give it much thought.  Such discussions were not rare, though usually an embassy’s staff were a tightly knit unit, especially in countries such as this.

Then, as luck would have it, Porter was going out, and I was a safe distance behind her.  It was a breach of protocol to go out alone, especially in the circumstances.  She was either very brave or very stupid.

I would check the next day if she had told anyone.

Meantime, I followed her to, of all places, the hotel where I was staying for the week, not one of the five stars, but a three and a half star special, picked randomly from one of those cheapest rate websites.

I considered not going in, but when I saw her go to the reception, have a short conversation, a shake of the head from the clerk, she went over to the lounge seats and picked one.

I shrugged and ambled in.  She saw me at the same time I saw her and got up out of the seat.

Had Jane come to see me?

“Thomas.”

“Jane.  But please call me Tom.  It doesn’t sound as pompous.”

“Tom, then.”

“You shouldn’t be out alone; you do know that?”

“I wanted to see you away from the embassy and the prying eyes.”

“How do you know Ryder hasn’t got you under surveillance.  I’ve seen at least two MI5 types trying to make themselves invisible.  And I’m sure there are rules against fraternisation.”

“Is that what you think this is?”

“No, but it’s more about what others might construe it to be.  That’s just the world we live in.”

Where was this going?

“You’re the one they sent out to find the traitor.”

Which meant she was either the instigator or the target.  If she were the latter, then I was just exposed. Perhaps I was dealing with someone very clever.  We moved to a quiet corner where I could see everyone else.

“What traitor?”  I put on my much-practised benign expression and looked appropriately surprised.

“I put in coded messages, and days later, here you are “

“Coincidence, I assure you.  I was yanked out of Jamaica to help get this trade deal over the line.  I am not happy about it.  And if there is this traitor, and I’m assuming it’s in the embassy, and one of the staff, the person to take it to is Forster, head of security.”

“I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could kick him.  Tried it on the first day after I arrived.  God’s gift to women, he said.  Allison thinks he’s a legend and just told me he was hers.”

It was wrong on so many levels

“His problem, not yours.  Ours.  She’s also meeting up with one of those secret police types.  Even in civvies, you can tell.  She’d been here before, on an archaeological dig.”

OK, that wasn’t in the briefing papers.

“How do you know that?”

“She told me.  Then, I figured that the reason why the government always seemed to know what we were planning before we told them was from a leak, and she’s it.”

“I think Foster’s would know if that was the case.  Logically speaking, if he was responsible for knowing everything about the people in his purview.”

Then, something that really bothered me.  Allison was walking from the life lobby to the front door, almost disguised, and had another guest not dropped his briefcase, I would have missed her.

Moments after Allison passed through the main entrance, Jane’s phone buzzed.  She looked at and stood, almost too quickly.

“Sorry.  Just forget I said anything.  It’s clear you’re not who I thought you were.”

And then left, almost running.

If I was not mistaken, if I were to go up to my room, I would find that it had been searched.  I’m not sure what that meant, but I had to guess. Forster had just used two staff members in a clever operation, one to distract, the other to search.

They would find nothing.

It meant that Forster was resourceful.  He knew where I was staying, and I hadn’t told anyone exactly where I was.

This was the decoy room, the one I did tell them about.  It looked like I was staying in the room, but I was not.

Just the same, I went up and checked.  The seals were broken.  Everything looked the same, but the photos I’d taken of where everything was placed were slightly askew.  Hurried.

My list of one became a list of three.

©  Charles Heath 2026

NaNoWriMo – April – 2026 – Day 17

One of the hazards of writing can be being continually critical of your own work. I’m guilty as charged.

But in writing to a plan and in only 30 days, having to edit 50,000 words, there is no time to be critical.

Except…

So far down the track, I should be writing, not being critical.

But the thing is, I’m finding that I have to go back three chapters and read them through to pick up the thread. It’s not because it’s changed in any way from the plan; it’s just that I’m finding it hard to edit to a plan when usually I fly by the seat of my pants.

The trouble with doing that, it gives rise to considering changes, and right now there’s no time for change.

I have 13 days to hold it together.

And 13 is an unlucky number, isn’t it?

The story behind the story – Echoes from the Past

The novel ‘Echoes from the past’ started out as a short story I wrote about 30 years ago, titled ‘The Birthday’.

My idea was to take a normal person out of their comfort zone and led on a short but very frightening journey to a place where a surprise birthday party had been arranged.

Thus, the very large man with a scar and a red tie was created.

So was the friend with the limousine who worked as a pilot.

So were the two women, Wendy and Angelina, who were Flight Attendants that the pilot friend asked to join the conspiracy.

I was going to rework the short story, which was about ten pages long, into something a little more.

And like all rewrites, especially those I have anything to do with, it turned into a novel.

There was motivation.  I had told some colleagues at the place where I worked at the time that I liked writing, and they wanted a sample.  I was going to give them the re-worked short story.  Instead, I gave them ‘Echoes from the past’

Originally, it was not set anywhere in particular.

But when considering a location, I had, at the time, recently been to New York in December, and visited Brooklyn and Queens, as well as a lot of New York itself.  We were there for New Year’s, and it was an experience I’ll never forget.

One evening, we were out late, and finished up in Brooklyn Heights, near the waterfront, and there was rain and snow, it was cold and wet, and apartment buildings were shimmering in the street light, and I thought, this is the place where my main character will live.

It had a very spooky atmosphere, the sort where ghosts would not be unexpected.  I felt more than one shiver go up and down my spine in the few minutes I was there.

I had taken notes, as I always do, of everywhere we went, so I had a ready supply of locations I could use, changing the names in some cases.

Fifth Avenue near the Rockefeller Centre is amazing at first light, and late at night with the Seasonal decorations and lights.

The original main character was a shy man with few friends, hence not expecting the surprise party.  I enhanced that shyness into purposely lonely because of an issue from his past that leaves him always looking over his shoulder and ready to move on at the slightest hint of trouble.  No friends, no relationships, just a very low profile.

Then I thought, what if he breaks the cardinal rule and begins a relationship?

But it is also as much an exploration of a damaged soul as it is the search for a normal life, without having any idea what normal was, and how the understanding of one person can sometimes make all the difference in what we may think or feel.

And, of course, I wanted a happy ending.

Except for the bad guys.

Get it here:  https://amzn.to/2CYKxu4

newechocover5rs

NaNoWriMo – April – 2026 – Day 16

Onwards and upwards…

Or so the saying goes. I’m on target, but it’s like cruising down a placid river taking in the sights.

Until you hit the rapids.

That’s what it feels like, that there’s an impending disaster. I know how fatalistic it sounds, but many times in the past, when everything is going right, it’s too good to be true.

But…

I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

In the meantime, after editing today’s quota, I go back over the first ten chapters of part three and make some adjustments.

Now I feel better and can continue writing in accordance with the plan.

For now, it’s so far so good.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 89

Day 89 – Writing as a lifeline

Writing Saved My Life: What Judd Apatow’s Confession Teaches Us About the Power of the Pen

“Writing saved my life. Without writing, I would never have been able to make it in this world.”
— Judd Apatow

When a Hollywood heavyweight like Judd Apatow says that writing rescued him from the brink, the words echo far beyond the glitz of red‑carpet parties and box‑office numbers. They land squarely in the everyday lives of anyone who’s ever felt stuck, unheard, or desperate for a way out. In this post, we’ll unpack what Apatow meant, trace the arc of his own story, and explore how writing can be a lifeline—whether you’re a budding comic, a corporate professional, or simply someone looking for a little more meaning.


1. The Man Behind the Quote: A Brief (But Insightful) Biography

Judd Apatow grew up in a tiny Boston suburb with a single mother who worked as a school secretary. He was an introvert who spent most of his teenage years in front of a computer, typing jokes for early online forums and scribbling jokes on the backs of school worksheets. By his early twenties, he’d moved to Los Angeles, where “making it” meant working as a production assistant on sitcoms and writing unpaid spec scripts that never saw the light of day.

His break came with The Ben Stiller Show (1993), a modest sketch comedy program that, although short‑lived, earned an Emmy for Outstanding Writing. From there, he built a legendary career: Freaks and Geeks (1999), The 40‑Year‑Old Virgin (2005), Knocked Up (2007), The Big Sick (2017) – a string of projects that have defined modern American comedy.

What’s striking is not just the commercial success but the emotional trajectory. Apatow has spoken openly about depression, anxiety, and the feeling of being an outsider in an industry that revels in its own superficiality. Writing—first as a private coping mechanism, later as a public craft—was his rope out of the abyss. He didn’t just write jokes; he wrote himself into existence.


2. Why Writing Can Be a Lifeline

2.1. It Gives Voice to the Unspoken

When we write, we externalise thoughts that otherwise swirl inside our heads. For Apatow, jokes were a way to translate inner turmoil (“I’m terrified of growing up”) into something funny that others could relate to. That translation is a validation loop: the more we articulate, the more we realise we’re not alone.

2.2. It Provides Structure Amid Chaos

A story requires a beginning, middle, and end. Even the most disordered feelings can be arranged into a narrative arc. By forcing our mental clutter into plot points, we regain a sense of control. Apatow’s early scripts—though never filmed—were essentially practice runs for reorganising a chaotic mind into a coherent, comedic rhythm.

2.3. It Lets You Reframe Pain

Psychologists refer to this as cognitive reframing. When you convert a painful memory into a scene in a screenplay, you can add distance (the “camera lens”) and humour (the “punchline”). The trauma doesn’t disappear, but it becomes manageable. Apatow’s “You’re the Best!” scene from Knocked Up—a heartfelt, slightly absurd speech—was born from his own experience of trying to make sense of failure.

2.4. It Generates a Tangible Product

Words turn into scripts, blogs, journals, songs—concrete artifacts that survive beyond fleeting emotions. Seeing your thoughts on paper (or a screen) affirms that “I exist.” For Apatow, the first script that got produced was a ticket out of the “never‑hired” purgatory.


3. From Personal Diary to Hollywood Blockbuster: The Evolution of Apatow’s Writing

StageWhat He Was DoingWhat He Gained
Late Teens – Early 20sWriting jokes for a high‑school newspaper, personal journals, early internet forums.A safe outlet for insecurities; the habit of “show, don’t tell.”
Mid‑20s – Production AssistantDrafting spec scripts in the margins of call sheets.Discipline; learning industry format; rejection tolerance.
Late 20s – TV WriterStaff writer for The Ben Stiller Show.Professional validation; network of mentors.
30s – Creator of Freaks and GeeksSemi‑autobiographical series about misfit teens.Mastery of personal truth as universal comedy.
40s – Feature FilmsWriting and directing movies that blend raunchy humor with raw emotion.Cemented his voice as a cultural touchstone; proof that writing does pay the bills.

Each phase reflects a deepening relationship with writing: from venting to problem‑solving, from learning a craft to owning a brand.


4. How You Can Let Writing Save Your Life Too

If Judd Apatow’s journey feels like a Hollywood screenplay, you might be wondering: What’s the “real‑life” version for me? Below is a step‑by‑step guide that translates his experience into tangible actions.

4.1. Start Small—Pick a “Micro‑Journal”

  • Time: 5‑10 minutes a day.
  • Tool: A notebook, a notes app, or a voice recorder.
  • Prompt: “One thing that annoyed me today, and why.”
  • Goal: Turn raw irritation into a sentence.

4.2. Find Your “Genre”

You don’t have to write sitcom scripts. Identify the form that feels most natural:

PreferencePossible Outlet
StorytellingShort stories, flash fiction
Visual thinkersComic strips, storyboards
Analytical mindsEssays, opinion pieces
Audio loversPodcast scripts, spoken‑word poetry

Tip: Apatow started with jokes because that’s what made him laugh. Use the same logic—write in the mode that makes you smile.

4.3. Give Yourself Permission to Fail

Apatow’s early scripts were rejected more often than they were accepted. That’s the norm. Treat each draft as a practice round:

  • Discard a page if it feels forced.
  • Celebrate the act of finishing a page, regardless of quality.
  • Iterate: Re‑write the same scene three times, each with a different emotional tone.

4.4. Create a “Feedback Loop”

  • Peer review: Share with a trusted friend or a writing group.
  • Professional edit: If you can afford it, get a freelance editor for at least one piece.
  • Self‑review: After a week, read your work with fresh eyes. Identify patterns—are you always avoiding a certain topic? That’s a clue.

4.5. Translate Into Public (or Semi‑Public) Work

When you feel comfortable, put something out there. It could be a blog post, a short video, a stand‑up set, or a tweet thread. Public exposure forces you to own your voice, just as Apatow did when his Freaks and Geeks pilot aired (even though it was cancelled after one season, it built a cult following).


5. The Dark Side: When Writing Becomes an Obsession

It’s worth noting that any coping skill can tip into compulsive behaviour. Here’s how to keep writing healthy:

Warning SignHealthy Adjustment
Writing to avoid real‑world responsibilities.Set a timer: 30 minutes of writing, then 30 minutes of a non‑writing task.
Feeling crippled if you can’t write daily.Allow “off‑days”; creative muscles need rest.
Using writing to manipulate others (e.g., oversharing to get sympathy).Keep a privacy boundary: what stays private vs. what you’re comfortable publishing.
Writing that reinforces negativity (e.g., endless self‑criticism).Introduce a positive lens: end each entry with one thing you’re grateful for.

Apatow himself has spoken about the need to step back after intense writing periods, especially during film productions where the pressure can be immense.


6. A Real‑World Example: From Journal to Launchpad

Consider Maya, a 28‑year‑old graphic designer who felt trapped in a corporate job. She started a private blog titled “Sketches of My Mind,” where she posted short, illustrated anecdotes about office life. After six months, a small indie publisher discovered her blog, approached her for a picture book, and the project is now slated for release next spring. Maya tells us:

“I never imagined my doodles could become a book. Writing—combined with my sketches—gave me the confidence to ask for what I wanted. It literally changed my career trajectory.”

Maya’s story mirrors Apatow’s in that writing transformed a private coping mechanism into a public, income‑generating product.


7. Takeaway: The Core Lesson Behind Apatow’s Quote

Writing isn’t just a skill; it’s a survival strategy.

When Apatow says, “Without writing, I would never have been able to make it in this world,” he’s describing a lifeline that carried him from a lonely bedroom filled with jokes to an industry where his humour reshapes culture. The lesson isn’t that you need an Oscar‑winning script; it’s that any form of writing that lets you externalise, organise, and share your inner world can become the bridge between where you are and where you need to be.


8. Quick Cheat Sheet – Your First 30‑Day Writing Plan

DayActivityTimeGoal
1‑5Free‑write journal (any topic)10 minBreak the “blank page” fear.
6‑10Choose a “genre” & write one short piece15 minIdentify your voice.
11‑15Revise the piece twice20 minPractice editing.
16‑20Share with a friend or online community5 minGet feedback.
21‑25Write a public piece (blog post, tweet thread)30 minTest the waters of exposure.
26‑30Reflect: What did you learn? What felt therapeutic?10 minConsolidate the habit.

Repeat, tweak, and watch the habit become an anchor—just as it did for Judd Apatow.


9. Final Thought: Your Story Is Waiting

If you ever find yourself wondering whether your words matter, remember that the world’s most celebrated comedians, screenwriters, and authors started by scribbling something—anything—to make sense of themselves. Judd Apatow turned a notebook full of jokes into a cultural empire. You might not be writing the next blockbuster, but you are writing the script of your own survival.

Grab a pen, open a document, or tap a voice memo. Let the words flow. In the quiet hum of a keyboard, you might just hear the faint echo of Apatow’s truth:

“Writing saved my life.”

May it save yours, too. 🌱✍️


Ready to start? Drop a comment below sharing the first line you’ll write today. Let’s hold each other accountable and turn solitary scribbles into a community of storytellers.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 89

Day 89 – Writing as a lifeline

Writing Saved My Life: What Judd Apatow’s Confession Teaches Us About the Power of the Pen

“Writing saved my life. Without writing, I would never have been able to make it in this world.”
— Judd Apatow

When a Hollywood heavyweight like Judd Apatow says that writing rescued him from the brink, the words echo far beyond the glitz of red‑carpet parties and box‑office numbers. They land squarely in the everyday lives of anyone who’s ever felt stuck, unheard, or desperate for a way out. In this post, we’ll unpack what Apatow meant, trace the arc of his own story, and explore how writing can be a lifeline—whether you’re a budding comic, a corporate professional, or simply someone looking for a little more meaning.


1. The Man Behind the Quote: A Brief (But Insightful) Biography

Judd Apatow grew up in a tiny Boston suburb with a single mother who worked as a school secretary. He was an introvert who spent most of his teenage years in front of a computer, typing jokes for early online forums and scribbling jokes on the backs of school worksheets. By his early twenties, he’d moved to Los Angeles, where “making it” meant working as a production assistant on sitcoms and writing unpaid spec scripts that never saw the light of day.

His break came with The Ben Stiller Show (1993), a modest sketch comedy program that, although short‑lived, earned an Emmy for Outstanding Writing. From there, he built a legendary career: Freaks and Geeks (1999), The 40‑Year‑Old Virgin (2005), Knocked Up (2007), The Big Sick (2017) – a string of projects that have defined modern American comedy.

What’s striking is not just the commercial success but the emotional trajectory. Apatow has spoken openly about depression, anxiety, and the feeling of being an outsider in an industry that revels in its own superficiality. Writing—first as a private coping mechanism, later as a public craft—was his rope out of the abyss. He didn’t just write jokes; he wrote himself into existence.


2. Why Writing Can Be a Lifeline

2.1. It Gives Voice to the Unspoken

When we write, we externalise thoughts that otherwise swirl inside our heads. For Apatow, jokes were a way to translate inner turmoil (“I’m terrified of growing up”) into something funny that others could relate to. That translation is a validation loop: the more we articulate, the more we realise we’re not alone.

2.2. It Provides Structure Amid Chaos

A story requires a beginning, middle, and end. Even the most disordered feelings can be arranged into a narrative arc. By forcing our mental clutter into plot points, we regain a sense of control. Apatow’s early scripts—though never filmed—were essentially practice runs for reorganising a chaotic mind into a coherent, comedic rhythm.

2.3. It Lets You Reframe Pain

Psychologists refer to this as cognitive reframing. When you convert a painful memory into a scene in a screenplay, you can add distance (the “camera lens”) and humour (the “punchline”). The trauma doesn’t disappear, but it becomes manageable. Apatow’s “You’re the Best!” scene from Knocked Up—a heartfelt, slightly absurd speech—was born from his own experience of trying to make sense of failure.

2.4. It Generates a Tangible Product

Words turn into scripts, blogs, journals, songs—concrete artifacts that survive beyond fleeting emotions. Seeing your thoughts on paper (or a screen) affirms that “I exist.” For Apatow, the first script that got produced was a ticket out of the “never‑hired” purgatory.


3. From Personal Diary to Hollywood Blockbuster: The Evolution of Apatow’s Writing

StageWhat He Was DoingWhat He Gained
Late Teens – Early 20sWriting jokes for a high‑school newspaper, personal journals, early internet forums.A safe outlet for insecurities; the habit of “show, don’t tell.”
Mid‑20s – Production AssistantDrafting spec scripts in the margins of call sheets.Discipline; learning industry format; rejection tolerance.
Late 20s – TV WriterStaff writer for The Ben Stiller Show.Professional validation; network of mentors.
30s – Creator of Freaks and GeeksSemi‑autobiographical series about misfit teens.Mastery of personal truth as universal comedy.
40s – Feature FilmsWriting and directing movies that blend raunchy humor with raw emotion.Cemented his voice as a cultural touchstone; proof that writing does pay the bills.

Each phase reflects a deepening relationship with writing: from venting to problem‑solving, from learning a craft to owning a brand.


4. How You Can Let Writing Save Your Life Too

If Judd Apatow’s journey feels like a Hollywood screenplay, you might be wondering: What’s the “real‑life” version for me? Below is a step‑by‑step guide that translates his experience into tangible actions.

4.1. Start Small—Pick a “Micro‑Journal”

  • Time: 5‑10 minutes a day.
  • Tool: A notebook, a notes app, or a voice recorder.
  • Prompt: “One thing that annoyed me today, and why.”
  • Goal: Turn raw irritation into a sentence.

4.2. Find Your “Genre”

You don’t have to write sitcom scripts. Identify the form that feels most natural:

PreferencePossible Outlet
StorytellingShort stories, flash fiction
Visual thinkersComic strips, storyboards
Analytical mindsEssays, opinion pieces
Audio loversPodcast scripts, spoken‑word poetry

Tip: Apatow started with jokes because that’s what made him laugh. Use the same logic—write in the mode that makes you smile.

4.3. Give Yourself Permission to Fail

Apatow’s early scripts were rejected more often than they were accepted. That’s the norm. Treat each draft as a practice round:

  • Discard a page if it feels forced.
  • Celebrate the act of finishing a page, regardless of quality.
  • Iterate: Re‑write the same scene three times, each with a different emotional tone.

4.4. Create a “Feedback Loop”

  • Peer review: Share with a trusted friend or a writing group.
  • Professional edit: If you can afford it, get a freelance editor for at least one piece.
  • Self‑review: After a week, read your work with fresh eyes. Identify patterns—are you always avoiding a certain topic? That’s a clue.

4.5. Translate Into Public (or Semi‑Public) Work

When you feel comfortable, put something out there. It could be a blog post, a short video, a stand‑up set, or a tweet thread. Public exposure forces you to own your voice, just as Apatow did when his Freaks and Geeks pilot aired (even though it was cancelled after one season, it built a cult following).


5. The Dark Side: When Writing Becomes an Obsession

It’s worth noting that any coping skill can tip into compulsive behaviour. Here’s how to keep writing healthy:

Warning SignHealthy Adjustment
Writing to avoid real‑world responsibilities.Set a timer: 30 minutes of writing, then 30 minutes of a non‑writing task.
Feeling crippled if you can’t write daily.Allow “off‑days”; creative muscles need rest.
Using writing to manipulate others (e.g., oversharing to get sympathy).Keep a privacy boundary: what stays private vs. what you’re comfortable publishing.
Writing that reinforces negativity (e.g., endless self‑criticism).Introduce a positive lens: end each entry with one thing you’re grateful for.

Apatow himself has spoken about the need to step back after intense writing periods, especially during film productions where the pressure can be immense.


6. A Real‑World Example: From Journal to Launchpad

Consider Maya, a 28‑year‑old graphic designer who felt trapped in a corporate job. She started a private blog titled “Sketches of My Mind,” where she posted short, illustrated anecdotes about office life. After six months, a small indie publisher discovered her blog, approached her for a picture book, and the project is now slated for release next spring. Maya tells us:

“I never imagined my doodles could become a book. Writing—combined with my sketches—gave me the confidence to ask for what I wanted. It literally changed my career trajectory.”

Maya’s story mirrors Apatow’s in that writing transformed a private coping mechanism into a public, income‑generating product.


7. Takeaway: The Core Lesson Behind Apatow’s Quote

Writing isn’t just a skill; it’s a survival strategy.

When Apatow says, “Without writing, I would never have been able to make it in this world,” he’s describing a lifeline that carried him from a lonely bedroom filled with jokes to an industry where his humour reshapes culture. The lesson isn’t that you need an Oscar‑winning script; it’s that any form of writing that lets you externalise, organise, and share your inner world can become the bridge between where you are and where you need to be.


8. Quick Cheat Sheet – Your First 30‑Day Writing Plan

DayActivityTimeGoal
1‑5Free‑write journal (any topic)10 minBreak the “blank page” fear.
6‑10Choose a “genre” & write one short piece15 minIdentify your voice.
11‑15Revise the piece twice20 minPractice editing.
16‑20Share with a friend or online community5 minGet feedback.
21‑25Write a public piece (blog post, tweet thread)30 minTest the waters of exposure.
26‑30Reflect: What did you learn? What felt therapeutic?10 minConsolidate the habit.

Repeat, tweak, and watch the habit become an anchor—just as it did for Judd Apatow.


9. Final Thought: Your Story Is Waiting

If you ever find yourself wondering whether your words matter, remember that the world’s most celebrated comedians, screenwriters, and authors started by scribbling something—anything—to make sense of themselves. Judd Apatow turned a notebook full of jokes into a cultural empire. You might not be writing the next blockbuster, but you are writing the script of your own survival.

Grab a pen, open a document, or tap a voice memo. Let the words flow. In the quiet hum of a keyboard, you might just hear the faint echo of Apatow’s truth:

“Writing saved my life.”

May it save yours, too. 🌱✍️


Ready to start? Drop a comment below sharing the first line you’ll write today. Let’s hold each other accountable and turn solitary scribbles into a community of storytellers.