365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 260

Day 260 – Writing to provoke

…

If You Can’t Annoy Somebody with What You Write, There’s Little Point in Writing – A Deep Dive into Kingsley Amis’s Provocative Quote


Table of Contents

  1. Who Was Kingsley Amis?
  2. The Quote in Context – What Did He Really Mean?
  3. Why “Annoying” Can Be a Good Thing in Writing
    • 3.1 The Power of Provocation
    • 3.2 Annoyance vs. Engagement
  4. When Annoyance Becomes Counter‑Productive
  5. Real‑World Examples: Writers Who Mastered the Art of Annoyance
  6. Practical Tips: How to Write That Stirs Without Alienating
  7. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
  8. Final Takeaway: Embrace the Edge, Not the Offence

1. Who Was Kingsley Amis?

Kingsley Amis (1922‑1995) was a British novelist, poet, and essayist best known for his razor‑sharp wit and satirical eye. He won the Booker Prize for The Old Devils (1986) and penned the cult classic Lucky Jim (1954). Amis was a self‑described “pessimist” who delighted in challenging literary conventions and poking fun at social pretensions.

“I think a lot of people are trying to be too nice. If you can’t annoy somebody with what you write, I think there’s little point in writing.”

The quote sums up his belief that writing’s purpose isn’t comfort—it’s confrontation.


2. The Quote in Context – What Did He Really Mean?

Amis made this remark during a 1962 interview for The Spectator while discussing the role of the modern novelist. He wasn’t encouraging petty irritation; he was championing intellectual provocation—the act of shaking readers out of complacency.

Key takeaways from the original context

AspectExplanation
Literary TraditionAmis aligned himself with authors like Oscar Wilde, George Orwell and James Joyce—writers who deliberately sparked debate.
Audience ExpectationHe argued that readers expect to be challenged, not lulled.
Creative CourageA writer must risk criticism to stay authentic.

In short, Amis believed the value of writing lies in its ability to stir thought, even if it ruffles feathers.


3. Why “Annoying” Can Be a Good Thing in Writing

3.1 The Power of Provocation

Provocation is a deliberate literary technique used to:

  1. Highlight contradictions – A provocative statement forces the reader to confront hidden biases.
  2. Create memorable moments – Controversial lines stay with readers longer than bland prose.
  3. Catalyze cultural conversation – Think of how Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird or Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale sparked nationwide dialogue.

SEO Insight: Articles that explore “how to provoke readers” rank highly for keywords like “provocative writing tips” and “controversial writing examples”.

3.2 Annoyance vs. Engagement

FactorAnnoyance (Negative)Engagement (Positive)
Reader ReactionIrritation, dismissalCuriosity, deeper analysis
LongevityForgettable, quickly skimmedRe‑read, quoted, shared
SEO ImpactHigh bounce rateIncreased dwell time & backlinks

The sweet spot is controlled annoyance—enough to provoke, but not so much that readers abandon the piece.


4. When Annoyance Becomes Counter‑Productive

Provocation has limits. Below are red flags that indicate you’ve crossed from “thought‑provoking” into “offensive”:

Red FlagWhy It HurtsHow to Fix It
Sweeping GeneralisationsAlienates large audiences; looks lazy.Ground statements in evidence; add nuance.
Personal AttacksTurns discussion into a fight.Focus criticism on ideas, not identities.
Misleading “Shock for Shock’s Sake”Damages credibility; Google penalises low‑quality content.Keep the shock tied to a clear argument or purpose.
Ignoring Reader ContextYour audience may lack the background needed to understand the provocation.Provide brief context or a “quick‑read guide.”

Bottom line: Annoyance that adds value ≠ annoyance that creates noise.


5. Real‑World Examples: Writers Who Mastered the Art of Annoyance

WriterWorkHow They Annoy (Productively)
George Orwell1984Exposes totalitarian absurdities, disturbing readers with a bleak warning.
Toni MorrisonBelovedConfronts the trauma of slavery, forcing readers to feel uncomfortable truths.
Brett Easton EllisAmerican PsychoGraphic violence pushes readers to question consumerist culture.
Chuck PalahniukFight ClubSubversive narrative undermines conventional masculinity.
Ta-Nehisi CoatesBetween the World and MeBoldly critiques systemic racism, challenging comfortable narratives.

These authors don’t merely “annoy”; they re‑frame the conversation and inspire social reflection.


6. Practical Tips: How to Write That Stirs Without Alienating

Below is a step‑by‑step cheat sheet you can copy into your writer’s notebook.

6.1 Clarify Your Core Argument

  1. Write a one‑sentence thesis that states the controversial point.
  2. Ask, “Why does this matter?” If the answer isn’t compelling, revisit the thesis.

6.2 Use “Controlled Shock”

TechniqueDescriptionExample
Unexpected AnalogyPair two unrelated concepts to jolt the brain.“Voting is less a right and more a subscription you can’t cancel.”
Statistical BombshellDrop a little‑known, striking statistic.“One in three children will never read a book beyond the first grade.”
Narrative DisruptionBegin with a scene that subverts expectations.“The city’s mayor announced, ‘We’re raising taxes—because we love you.’”

6.3 Back Up the Provocation

  • Cite reputable sources (academic journals, reputable news outlets).
  • Add a counter‑argument—show you understand the other side.
  • Explain the “why” after each provocative claim.

6.4 Word‑Level Tactics

TacticWhy It WorksSample
Rhetorical QuestionsForces readers to answer internally.“If we accept this, what’s left for the next generation?”
ParallelismCreates rhythm, making the message stick.“We’re told to listen, we’re told to obey, we’re told to forget.”
ContrastHighlights disparity, amplifying irritation.“The richest 1% own more than the bottom 50%, yet they claim meritocracy.”

6.5 Edit for Balance

  1. Read aloud – Does the line sound like a thoughtful jab or a tantrum?
  2. Apply the “5‑Second Rule.” If a reader can skip the sentence within five seconds, consider re‑working it.
  3. Seek a Beta Reader—preferably someone with an opposing perspective.

6.6 SEO Checklist (For Blog Posts)

  • Primary keyword: Kingsley Amis writing quote (use 2–3 times in headings, intro, and conclusion).
  • LSI keywords: provocative writing, annoying readers purpose, controversial literature examples, how to write to provoke.
  • Meta tags (title ≤ 60 chars; description ≤ 155 chars).
  • Alt text for images – e.g., alt="Kingsley Amis portrait, British novelist" for a photo.
  • Internal links – Point to related posts: “5 Ways to Write a Strong Argument” and “Why Bad Writing Isn’t Always Bad.”

7. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Q1. Does “annoying” mean being rude or hateful?
No. Amis’s concept is about intellectual irritation—challenging ideas, not attacking individuals.

Q2. Can I apply this principle to non‑fiction, like business copy?
Absolutely. Even a marketing email can use a slight edge: “Most CEOs think they’re unstoppable. The data says otherwise.”

Q3. How do I measure if my provocative writing works?

  • Engagement metrics: longer dwell time, comments, social shares.
  • Qualitative feedback: readers citing “thought‑provoking” in reviews.

Q4. What if I offend a protected group unintentionally?
Do a quick sensitivity check: research cultural context, use inclusive language, and consider a content warning if needed.

Q5. Should I always aim to annoy?
No. Use annoyance strategically—when the goal is to spark dialogue or highlight injustice. Not every piece needs a shock factor.


8. Final Takeaway: Embrace the Edge, Not the Offence

Kingsley Amis wasn’t encouraging writers to be jerks. He was reminding us that the purpose of good writing is to make readers think, feel, and sometimes squirm. When you master the art of controlled annoyance, you:

  • Break complacency – Readers stop scrolling and start reflecting.
  • Boost SEO – Higher dwell time & more backlinks from discussions.
  • Leave a cultural imprint – Your words join the conversation that shapes society.

Bottom line: If your prose can’t stir at least one mind, ask yourself why you’re writing at all.


Ready to Write Something That Pops?

  1. Pick a controversial stance that aligns with your niche.
  2. Stack it with hard‑data and vivid storytelling.
  3. Polish with the editor’s eye for balance.

Your next post could be the one that annoys—in the best, most purposeful way—making you a writer worth remembering.


“If you can’t annoy somebody with what you write, I think there’s little point in writing.” – Kingsley Amis

Take this as a challenge, not a threat. Start provoking today.

…

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 260

Day 260 – Writing to provoke

…

If You Can’t Annoy Somebody with What You Write, There’s Little Point in Writing – A Deep Dive into Kingsley Amis’s Provocative Quote


Table of Contents

  1. Who Was Kingsley Amis?
  2. The Quote in Context – What Did He Really Mean?
  3. Why “Annoying” Can Be a Good Thing in Writing
    • 3.1 The Power of Provocation
    • 3.2 Annoyance vs. Engagement
  4. When Annoyance Becomes Counter‑Productive
  5. Real‑World Examples: Writers Who Mastered the Art of Annoyance
  6. Practical Tips: How to Write That Stirs Without Alienating
  7. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
  8. Final Takeaway: Embrace the Edge, Not the Offence

1. Who Was Kingsley Amis?

Kingsley Amis (1922‑1995) was a British novelist, poet, and essayist best known for his razor‑sharp wit and satirical eye. He won the Booker Prize for The Old Devils (1986) and penned the cult classic Lucky Jim (1954). Amis was a self‑described “pessimist” who delighted in challenging literary conventions and poking fun at social pretensions.

“I think a lot of people are trying to be too nice. If you can’t annoy somebody with what you write, I think there’s little point in writing.”

The quote sums up his belief that writing’s purpose isn’t comfort—it’s confrontation.


2. The Quote in Context – What Did He Really Mean?

Amis made this remark during a 1962 interview for The Spectator while discussing the role of the modern novelist. He wasn’t encouraging petty irritation; he was championing intellectual provocation—the act of shaking readers out of complacency.

Key takeaways from the original context

AspectExplanation
Literary TraditionAmis aligned himself with authors like Oscar Wilde, George Orwell and James Joyce—writers who deliberately sparked debate.
Audience ExpectationHe argued that readers expect to be challenged, not lulled.
Creative CourageA writer must risk criticism to stay authentic.

In short, Amis believed the value of writing lies in its ability to stir thought, even if it ruffles feathers.


3. Why “Annoying” Can Be a Good Thing in Writing

3.1 The Power of Provocation

Provocation is a deliberate literary technique used to:

  1. Highlight contradictions – A provocative statement forces the reader to confront hidden biases.
  2. Create memorable moments – Controversial lines stay with readers longer than bland prose.
  3. Catalyze cultural conversation – Think of how Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird or Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale sparked nationwide dialogue.

SEO Insight: Articles that explore “how to provoke readers” rank highly for keywords like “provocative writing tips” and “controversial writing examples”.

3.2 Annoyance vs. Engagement

FactorAnnoyance (Negative)Engagement (Positive)
Reader ReactionIrritation, dismissalCuriosity, deeper analysis
LongevityForgettable, quickly skimmedRe‑read, quoted, shared
SEO ImpactHigh bounce rateIncreased dwell time & backlinks

The sweet spot is controlled annoyance—enough to provoke, but not so much that readers abandon the piece.


4. When Annoyance Becomes Counter‑Productive

Provocation has limits. Below are red flags that indicate you’ve crossed from “thought‑provoking” into “offensive”:

Red FlagWhy It HurtsHow to Fix It
Sweeping GeneralisationsAlienates large audiences; looks lazy.Ground statements in evidence; add nuance.
Personal AttacksTurns discussion into a fight.Focus criticism on ideas, not identities.
Misleading “Shock for Shock’s Sake”Damages credibility; Google penalises low‑quality content.Keep the shock tied to a clear argument or purpose.
Ignoring Reader ContextYour audience may lack the background needed to understand the provocation.Provide brief context or a “quick‑read guide.”

Bottom line: Annoyance that adds value ≠ annoyance that creates noise.


5. Real‑World Examples: Writers Who Mastered the Art of Annoyance

WriterWorkHow They Annoy (Productively)
George Orwell1984Exposes totalitarian absurdities, disturbing readers with a bleak warning.
Toni MorrisonBelovedConfronts the trauma of slavery, forcing readers to feel uncomfortable truths.
Brett Easton EllisAmerican PsychoGraphic violence pushes readers to question consumerist culture.
Chuck PalahniukFight ClubSubversive narrative undermines conventional masculinity.
Ta-Nehisi CoatesBetween the World and MeBoldly critiques systemic racism, challenging comfortable narratives.

These authors don’t merely “annoy”; they re‑frame the conversation and inspire social reflection.


6. Practical Tips: How to Write That Stirs Without Alienating

Below is a step‑by‑step cheat sheet you can copy into your writer’s notebook.

6.1 Clarify Your Core Argument

  1. Write a one‑sentence thesis that states the controversial point.
  2. Ask, “Why does this matter?” If the answer isn’t compelling, revisit the thesis.

6.2 Use “Controlled Shock”

TechniqueDescriptionExample
Unexpected AnalogyPair two unrelated concepts to jolt the brain.“Voting is less a right and more a subscription you can’t cancel.”
Statistical BombshellDrop a little‑known, striking statistic.“One in three children will never read a book beyond the first grade.”
Narrative DisruptionBegin with a scene that subverts expectations.“The city’s mayor announced, ‘We’re raising taxes—because we love you.’”

6.3 Back Up the Provocation

  • Cite reputable sources (academic journals, reputable news outlets).
  • Add a counter‑argument—show you understand the other side.
  • Explain the “why” after each provocative claim.

6.4 Word‑Level Tactics

TacticWhy It WorksSample
Rhetorical QuestionsForces readers to answer internally.“If we accept this, what’s left for the next generation?”
ParallelismCreates rhythm, making the message stick.“We’re told to listen, we’re told to obey, we’re told to forget.”
ContrastHighlights disparity, amplifying irritation.“The richest 1% own more than the bottom 50%, yet they claim meritocracy.”

6.5 Edit for Balance

  1. Read aloud – Does the line sound like a thoughtful jab or a tantrum?
  2. Apply the “5‑Second Rule.” If a reader can skip the sentence within five seconds, consider re‑working it.
  3. Seek a Beta Reader—preferably someone with an opposing perspective.

6.6 SEO Checklist (For Blog Posts)

  • Primary keyword: Kingsley Amis writing quote (use 2–3 times in headings, intro, and conclusion).
  • LSI keywords: provocative writing, annoying readers purpose, controversial literature examples, how to write to provoke.
  • Meta tags (title ≤ 60 chars; description ≤ 155 chars).
  • Alt text for images – e.g., alt="Kingsley Amis portrait, British novelist" for a photo.
  • Internal links – Point to related posts: “5 Ways to Write a Strong Argument” and “Why Bad Writing Isn’t Always Bad.”

7. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Q1. Does “annoying” mean being rude or hateful?
No. Amis’s concept is about intellectual irritation—challenging ideas, not attacking individuals.

Q2. Can I apply this principle to non‑fiction, like business copy?
Absolutely. Even a marketing email can use a slight edge: “Most CEOs think they’re unstoppable. The data says otherwise.”

Q3. How do I measure if my provocative writing works?

  • Engagement metrics: longer dwell time, comments, social shares.
  • Qualitative feedback: readers citing “thought‑provoking” in reviews.

Q4. What if I offend a protected group unintentionally?
Do a quick sensitivity check: research cultural context, use inclusive language, and consider a content warning if needed.

Q5. Should I always aim to annoy?
No. Use annoyance strategically—when the goal is to spark dialogue or highlight injustice. Not every piece needs a shock factor.


8. Final Takeaway: Embrace the Edge, Not the Offence

Kingsley Amis wasn’t encouraging writers to be jerks. He was reminding us that the purpose of good writing is to make readers think, feel, and sometimes squirm. When you master the art of controlled annoyance, you:

  • Break complacency – Readers stop scrolling and start reflecting.
  • Boost SEO – Higher dwell time & more backlinks from discussions.
  • Leave a cultural imprint – Your words join the conversation that shapes society.

Bottom line: If your prose can’t stir at least one mind, ask yourself why you’re writing at all.


Ready to Write Something That Pops?

  1. Pick a controversial stance that aligns with your niche.
  2. Stack it with hard‑data and vivid storytelling.
  3. Polish with the editor’s eye for balance.

Your next post could be the one that annoys—in the best, most purposeful way—making you a writer worth remembering.


“If you can’t annoy somebody with what you write, I think there’s little point in writing.” – Kingsley Amis

Take this as a challenge, not a threat. Start provoking today.

…

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 259

Day 259 – How to approximate spoken language

…

How to Approximate Spoken Language in Fiction – A Practical Guide Using James Kelman’s Novels

Meta Description: Learn to capture the rhythm, tone, and authenticity of real speech in your writing. This step‑by‑step guide uses James Kelman’s groundbreaking novels as a live case study, with SEO‑friendly tips for mastering spoken language on the page.


Introduction

When a reader opens a novel, the most immediate test of its credibility is the dialogue. Does it sound like a casual conversation you might overhear at a pub, or does it feel like a rehearsed script? Approximating spoken language—the art of making prose sound like real speech—adds immediacy, personality, and cultural texture to fiction.

One author who has turned this technique into a literary trademark is James Kelman, the Scottish Booker‑prize‑winning novelist known for his unapologetically raw, Glaswegian voice. Kelman’s work is a masterclass in how to translate the cadences, slang, and interruptions of everyday talk into page‑bound narrative without sacrificing readability.

In this post we’ll break down:

  • The why behind mimicking spoken language.
  • The common pitfalls that can turn authentic dialogue into unreadable gibberish.
  • Kelman’s toolkit—the specific techniques he uses to make his prose feel like a live conversation.
  • A step‑by‑step workflow you can apply to your own manuscript.

By the end, you’ll have a concrete, SEO‑friendly roadmap for writing dialogue that sounds like it’s being spoken right now—just like Kelman’s characters.


1. Why Approximate Spoken Language?

BenefitExplanationSEO Keywords
AuthenticityReaders instantly trust characters whose speech matches the social setting they belong to.authentic dialogue, realistic speech
Voice & IdentityDialect, rhythm, and filler words give each character a distinct fingerprint.character voice, literary dialect
ImmersionReal‑time speech creates an “in‑the‑room” sensation, deepening narrative immersion.immersive storytelling, natural speech in fiction
Cultural ContextLanguage is a cultural artifact; capturing it grounds the story in a specific place and time.regional dialects, Scottish speech

In short, approximating spoken language bridges the gap between reader and character, turning passive consumption into an active, almost conversational experience.


2. The Challenges of Writing “Real” Speech

Even though we all speak every day, transcribing that experience into text is a delicate balancing act. Here are the three biggest hurdles:

  1. Clarity vs. Verisimilitude – Raw speech includes false starts, repetitions, and unfinished thoughts. Too much of this can obscure the plot.
  2. Readability – Over‑use of slang or non‑standard spelling can alienate readers unfamiliar with the dialect.
  3. Pacing – Dialogue that mimics spoken rhythm can affect the overall pacing of a scene.

Understanding these challenges helps you apply Kelman’s solutions rather than reinventing the wheel.


3. James Kelman: A Case Study in Spoken‑Language Approximation

3.1. Who is James Kelman?

  • Born: 1946, Glasgow, Scotland
  • Major Works: How Late It Was, How Late (1994), The Busconductor (1985), A Disappearing Number (1995)
  • Accolades: Booker Prize (1994) for How Late It Was, How Late

Kelman grew up speaking Glaswegian, a working‑class Scottish dialect that is often dismissed as “unintelligible” outside its region. Instead of sanitizing it, Kelman preserves its rough edges, using the dialect as a political tool to amplify working‑class voices.

3.2. Core Techniques Kelman Employs

TechniqueDescriptionExample (from How Late It Was, How Late)
Stream‑of‑Consciousness PunctuationMinimal punctuation, long run‑on sentences that simulate thought flow.“I’m trying to get them, but I’m badly sorry for being slightly at a loss. I ain’t anything but a brain‑and‑stupid little bit for later.”
Dialect‑Specific LexiconKeeps authentic vocabulary, e.g., “wee,” “bairn,” “gonnae.”“He was a wee lad, aye, and kept sayin’ I’m out o’ work.”
Ellipsis & PausesUses “…” and commas sparingly to hint at breathes and hesitation.“…and then I… I’m not sure whether you seen him.”
Delete Excess ‘Editing’No quotation marks in many passages; dialogue bleeds into narration.He said he was angry, but I could see he was scared too.
Repetition & StutteringMimics common speech patterns (e.g., “I… I don’t know”).“I’m not— I’m not sure what you’re gettin’ at.”

These choices make the reader hear the speaker’s voice while still being able to follow the narrative thread.


4. Step‑by‑Step Guide: How to Approximate Spoken Language in Your Own Writing

4.1. Listen First – Build an Auditory Archive

  1. Eavesdrop (ethically!). Sit in a café, a bus, or a community center and note how people start, stop, and finish sentences.
  2. Record & Transcribe. Use a phone recorder for 2‑minute conversations (with permission) and transcribe them verbatim.
  3. Identify Patterns. Look for:
    • Common fillers: “uh,” “you know,” “like”
    • Sentence truncations: “I was thinking… maybe we should…”
    • Regionalisms: “y’all,” “aye,” “bairn”

SEO tip: Create a searchable spreadsheet titled “spoken‑language‑archive” and tag each entry with dialect, filler, rhythm—later you can reference this in future blog posts or FAQs.

4.2. Choose the Right Level of Realism

Realism LevelWhen to UseHow to Implement
High (verbatim speech)Short scenes, comedic effect, authenticity-critical (e.g., a Glasgow bar).Keep most fillers, false starts, and dialect.
Medium (filtered speech)Main narrative scenes where clarity is essential.Trim excess filler, keep a few dialect words for flavor.
Low (stylized speech)Exposition or “high‑concept” dialogue where pacing is crucial.Use clean, concise sentences; sprinkle occasional colloquialism.

4.3. Draft the Dialogue in “Speech‑First” Mode

  1. Write as you would speak. Forget about punctuation for a moment; just get the words down.
  2. Read aloud. If it feels unnatural, adjust.
  3. Mark pauses & interruptions using placeholders: ... for breath, — for abrupt stops.

Example:

Original draft: “I think we should— actually, never mind, you know what I mean, right?”
Speech‑first: “I think we should… actually, never mind—you know what I mean, right?”

4.4. Apply Kelman‑Inspired Formatting

Kelman TechniqueHow to Use ItWhen to Tighten
Minimal punctuationDrop unnecessary commas or hyphens; allow thoughts to run together.In internal monologues or stream‑of‑consciousness.
No quotation marksUse italics or simply integrate speech into narration.When you want a blurred line between thought and speech (e.g., a character’s inner voice).
Dialect spelling sparinglySpell only the most distinctive words (“wee,” “bairn”). Keep the rest standard to aid readability.In dialogue tags or descriptive beats.
Ellipsis for hesitationUse … to replace “um,” “uh,” or thinking pauses.In moments of uncertainty or tension.

Tip: Run a readability test (Flesch‑Kincaid) after applying these changes. If the score drops dramatically, re‑introduce a few commas or full stops for balance.

4.5. Edit for Clarity—Never for “Correctness”

  1. Strip redundant filler that adds no character insight.
  2. Preserve purposeful slang that signals class, region, or age.
  3. Check for comprehension by reading the scene to someone unfamiliar with the dialect; if they can follow the gist, you’ve succeeded.

4.6. Polish with Narrative Integration

  • Blend speech and description to keep the scene moving.
  • Show, don’t tell – let a character’s accent reveal their background without explicit exposition.

Example (Kelman‑style):

“Aye, it’s a cold night,” I muttered, fingers digging into the pocket of my tattered coat, the wool biting my skin like a cheap reminder of the factory’s heat.


5. Practical Exercises (Try Them Now)

ExerciseGoalTime Commitment
1. “One‑Minute Monologue”Capture a single character’s voice in 150 words.10 min
2. “Dialect Swap”Rewrite a famous literary dialogue (e.g., from Pride and Prejudice) using a modern regional dialect of your choice.20 min
3. “Ellipsis Audit”Take a 500‑word scene and replace every um/uh with an ellipsis or dash.15 min
4. “Kelman‑Style Paraphrase”Choose a paragraph from a novel and rewrite it using minimal punctuation and no quotation marks, emulating Kelman’s style.20 min

Document your results in a blog post series titled “Learning Spoken Language with [Your Name]”. Not only does this create shareable content (great for SEO), it also provides a portfolio of your evolving craft.


6. Common Mistakes & How to Fix Them

MistakeWhy It HappensFix
Over‑dialectizing – Every word is spelled phonetically.Fear of “not sounding authentic enough.”Keep dialect to key lexical items, leave the rest in standard spelling.
Long, unpunctuated walls of textTrying too hard to mimic stream‑of‑consciousness.Insert strategic line breaks and occasional punctuation for breath.
Using slang that dates the textRelying on trends that may become obsolete.Favor timeless regional terms (e.g., “wee” vs. “lit”).
Inconsistent voice between charactersNot tracking each character’s unique speech patterns.Build a voice sheet: list each character’s filler words, dialect markers, and rhythm.

7. SEO Checklist – Making Your Post Discoverable

ElementAction
Primary Keyword“approximate spoken language” – use in title, first paragraph, H2, and once in the conclusion.
Secondary Keywords“James Kelman dialogue,” “realistic speech in fiction,” “dialect in literature,” “writing natural dialogue.”
Meta Description≤ 155 characters, include primary keyword.
Header TagsH1 (title), H2 for each major section, H3 for sub‑points.
Internal LinksLink to related posts: “How to Write Authentic Dialect,” “Top 5 Authors Who Use Real Speech.”
External LinksCite a reputable source on Kelman (e.g., The Booker Prize page) and a linguistic article on spoken‑language transcription.
ImagesAdd a royalty‑free photo of a Glasgow street scene, alt‑text: “Glasgow backdrop illustrating James Kelman’s dialect.”
ReadabilityAim for Flesch‑Kincaid grade 8–10; use short sentences for instructions, longer for analysis.
Social SnippetsCreate a tweetable quote: “Kelman’s dialogue reads like a live recording—learn how to make your characters speak like real people.”

8. Conclusion

Approximating spoken language isn’t about reproducing every “uh” and “like” that crosses our lips. It’s a strategic craft that balances authenticity with narrative clarity. James Kelman shows us that dialect, rhythm, and minimal punctuation can turn ordinary prose into an audible experience that resonates with readers on a visceral level.

By listening first, choosing the right realism level, drafting in speech‑first mode, and polishing with purposeful formatting, you’ll be able to write dialogue that feels as natural as the conversations happening right now—maybe even on the street outside the café where you’re writing.

Ready to let your characters speak? Grab your notebook, hit the streets, and start transcribing the world’s endless chorus of voices. Your readers (and search engines) will thank you.


Quick Reference: 5‑Step Cheat Sheet

  1. Listen & Record – Build an audio archive of real speech.
  2. Identify Patterns – Note fillers, pauses, regional words.
  3. Draft “Speech‑First” – Write like you talk, then read aloud.
  4. Apply Kelman Techniques – Minimal punctuation, selective dialect, ellipsis for hesitation.
  5. Edit for Clarity – Trim unnecessary filler, ensure readability, test with an unfamiliar reader.

Use this cheat sheet whenever you start a new dialogue‑heavy scene, and watch your characters come alive with the authentic, spoken timbre that only a few modern writers dare to master.


Happy writing, and may your prose always sound as if it’s being spoken in the moment!

…

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 259

Day 259 – How to approximate spoken language

…

How to Approximate Spoken Language in Fiction – A Practical Guide Using James Kelman’s Novels

Meta Description: Learn to capture the rhythm, tone, and authenticity of real speech in your writing. This step‑by‑step guide uses James Kelman’s groundbreaking novels as a live case study, with SEO‑friendly tips for mastering spoken language on the page.


Introduction

When a reader opens a novel, the most immediate test of its credibility is the dialogue. Does it sound like a casual conversation you might overhear at a pub, or does it feel like a rehearsed script? Approximating spoken language—the art of making prose sound like real speech—adds immediacy, personality, and cultural texture to fiction.

One author who has turned this technique into a literary trademark is James Kelman, the Scottish Booker‑prize‑winning novelist known for his unapologetically raw, Glaswegian voice. Kelman’s work is a masterclass in how to translate the cadences, slang, and interruptions of everyday talk into page‑bound narrative without sacrificing readability.

In this post we’ll break down:

  • The why behind mimicking spoken language.
  • The common pitfalls that can turn authentic dialogue into unreadable gibberish.
  • Kelman’s toolkit—the specific techniques he uses to make his prose feel like a live conversation.
  • A step‑by‑step workflow you can apply to your own manuscript.

By the end, you’ll have a concrete, SEO‑friendly roadmap for writing dialogue that sounds like it’s being spoken right now—just like Kelman’s characters.


1. Why Approximate Spoken Language?

BenefitExplanationSEO Keywords
AuthenticityReaders instantly trust characters whose speech matches the social setting they belong to.authentic dialogue, realistic speech
Voice & IdentityDialect, rhythm, and filler words give each character a distinct fingerprint.character voice, literary dialect
ImmersionReal‑time speech creates an “in‑the‑room” sensation, deepening narrative immersion.immersive storytelling, natural speech in fiction
Cultural ContextLanguage is a cultural artifact; capturing it grounds the story in a specific place and time.regional dialects, Scottish speech

In short, approximating spoken language bridges the gap between reader and character, turning passive consumption into an active, almost conversational experience.


2. The Challenges of Writing “Real” Speech

Even though we all speak every day, transcribing that experience into text is a delicate balancing act. Here are the three biggest hurdles:

  1. Clarity vs. Verisimilitude – Raw speech includes false starts, repetitions, and unfinished thoughts. Too much of this can obscure the plot.
  2. Readability – Over‑use of slang or non‑standard spelling can alienate readers unfamiliar with the dialect.
  3. Pacing – Dialogue that mimics spoken rhythm can affect the overall pacing of a scene.

Understanding these challenges helps you apply Kelman’s solutions rather than reinventing the wheel.


3. James Kelman: A Case Study in Spoken‑Language Approximation

3.1. Who is James Kelman?

  • Born: 1946, Glasgow, Scotland
  • Major Works: How Late It Was, How Late (1994), The Busconductor (1985), A Disappearing Number (1995)
  • Accolades: Booker Prize (1994) for How Late It Was, How Late

Kelman grew up speaking Glaswegian, a working‑class Scottish dialect that is often dismissed as “unintelligible” outside its region. Instead of sanitizing it, Kelman preserves its rough edges, using the dialect as a political tool to amplify working‑class voices.

3.2. Core Techniques Kelman Employs

TechniqueDescriptionExample (from How Late It Was, How Late)
Stream‑of‑Consciousness PunctuationMinimal punctuation, long run‑on sentences that simulate thought flow.“I’m trying to get them, but I’m badly sorry for being slightly at a loss. I ain’t anything but a brain‑and‑stupid little bit for later.”
Dialect‑Specific LexiconKeeps authentic vocabulary, e.g., “wee,” “bairn,” “gonnae.”“He was a wee lad, aye, and kept sayin’ I’m out o’ work.”
Ellipsis & PausesUses “…” and commas sparingly to hint at breathes and hesitation.“…and then I… I’m not sure whether you seen him.”
Delete Excess ‘Editing’No quotation marks in many passages; dialogue bleeds into narration.He said he was angry, but I could see he was scared too.
Repetition & StutteringMimics common speech patterns (e.g., “I… I don’t know”).“I’m not— I’m not sure what you’re gettin’ at.”

These choices make the reader hear the speaker’s voice while still being able to follow the narrative thread.


4. Step‑by‑Step Guide: How to Approximate Spoken Language in Your Own Writing

4.1. Listen First – Build an Auditory Archive

  1. Eavesdrop (ethically!). Sit in a café, a bus, or a community center and note how people start, stop, and finish sentences.
  2. Record & Transcribe. Use a phone recorder for 2‑minute conversations (with permission) and transcribe them verbatim.
  3. Identify Patterns. Look for:
    • Common fillers: “uh,” “you know,” “like”
    • Sentence truncations: “I was thinking… maybe we should…”
    • Regionalisms: “y’all,” “aye,” “bairn”

SEO tip: Create a searchable spreadsheet titled “spoken‑language‑archive” and tag each entry with dialect, filler, rhythm—later you can reference this in future blog posts or FAQs.

4.2. Choose the Right Level of Realism

Realism LevelWhen to UseHow to Implement
High (verbatim speech)Short scenes, comedic effect, authenticity-critical (e.g., a Glasgow bar).Keep most fillers, false starts, and dialect.
Medium (filtered speech)Main narrative scenes where clarity is essential.Trim excess filler, keep a few dialect words for flavor.
Low (stylized speech)Exposition or “high‑concept” dialogue where pacing is crucial.Use clean, concise sentences; sprinkle occasional colloquialism.

4.3. Draft the Dialogue in “Speech‑First” Mode

  1. Write as you would speak. Forget about punctuation for a moment; just get the words down.
  2. Read aloud. If it feels unnatural, adjust.
  3. Mark pauses & interruptions using placeholders: ... for breath, — for abrupt stops.

Example:

Original draft: “I think we should— actually, never mind, you know what I mean, right?”
Speech‑first: “I think we should… actually, never mind—you know what I mean, right?”

4.4. Apply Kelman‑Inspired Formatting

Kelman TechniqueHow to Use ItWhen to Tighten
Minimal punctuationDrop unnecessary commas or hyphens; allow thoughts to run together.In internal monologues or stream‑of‑consciousness.
No quotation marksUse italics or simply integrate speech into narration.When you want a blurred line between thought and speech (e.g., a character’s inner voice).
Dialect spelling sparinglySpell only the most distinctive words (“wee,” “bairn”). Keep the rest standard to aid readability.In dialogue tags or descriptive beats.
Ellipsis for hesitationUse … to replace “um,” “uh,” or thinking pauses.In moments of uncertainty or tension.

Tip: Run a readability test (Flesch‑Kincaid) after applying these changes. If the score drops dramatically, re‑introduce a few commas or full stops for balance.

4.5. Edit for Clarity—Never for “Correctness”

  1. Strip redundant filler that adds no character insight.
  2. Preserve purposeful slang that signals class, region, or age.
  3. Check for comprehension by reading the scene to someone unfamiliar with the dialect; if they can follow the gist, you’ve succeeded.

4.6. Polish with Narrative Integration

  • Blend speech and description to keep the scene moving.
  • Show, don’t tell – let a character’s accent reveal their background without explicit exposition.

Example (Kelman‑style):

“Aye, it’s a cold night,” I muttered, fingers digging into the pocket of my tattered coat, the wool biting my skin like a cheap reminder of the factory’s heat.


5. Practical Exercises (Try Them Now)

ExerciseGoalTime Commitment
1. “One‑Minute Monologue”Capture a single character’s voice in 150 words.10 min
2. “Dialect Swap”Rewrite a famous literary dialogue (e.g., from Pride and Prejudice) using a modern regional dialect of your choice.20 min
3. “Ellipsis Audit”Take a 500‑word scene and replace every um/uh with an ellipsis or dash.15 min
4. “Kelman‑Style Paraphrase”Choose a paragraph from a novel and rewrite it using minimal punctuation and no quotation marks, emulating Kelman’s style.20 min

Document your results in a blog post series titled “Learning Spoken Language with [Your Name]”. Not only does this create shareable content (great for SEO), it also provides a portfolio of your evolving craft.


6. Common Mistakes & How to Fix Them

MistakeWhy It HappensFix
Over‑dialectizing – Every word is spelled phonetically.Fear of “not sounding authentic enough.”Keep dialect to key lexical items, leave the rest in standard spelling.
Long, unpunctuated walls of textTrying too hard to mimic stream‑of‑consciousness.Insert strategic line breaks and occasional punctuation for breath.
Using slang that dates the textRelying on trends that may become obsolete.Favor timeless regional terms (e.g., “wee” vs. “lit”).
Inconsistent voice between charactersNot tracking each character’s unique speech patterns.Build a voice sheet: list each character’s filler words, dialect markers, and rhythm.

7. SEO Checklist – Making Your Post Discoverable

ElementAction
Primary Keyword“approximate spoken language” – use in title, first paragraph, H2, and once in the conclusion.
Secondary Keywords“James Kelman dialogue,” “realistic speech in fiction,” “dialect in literature,” “writing natural dialogue.”
Meta Description≤ 155 characters, include primary keyword.
Header TagsH1 (title), H2 for each major section, H3 for sub‑points.
Internal LinksLink to related posts: “How to Write Authentic Dialect,” “Top 5 Authors Who Use Real Speech.”
External LinksCite a reputable source on Kelman (e.g., The Booker Prize page) and a linguistic article on spoken‑language transcription.
ImagesAdd a royalty‑free photo of a Glasgow street scene, alt‑text: “Glasgow backdrop illustrating James Kelman’s dialect.”
ReadabilityAim for Flesch‑Kincaid grade 8–10; use short sentences for instructions, longer for analysis.
Social SnippetsCreate a tweetable quote: “Kelman’s dialogue reads like a live recording—learn how to make your characters speak like real people.”

8. Conclusion

Approximating spoken language isn’t about reproducing every “uh” and “like” that crosses our lips. It’s a strategic craft that balances authenticity with narrative clarity. James Kelman shows us that dialect, rhythm, and minimal punctuation can turn ordinary prose into an audible experience that resonates with readers on a visceral level.

By listening first, choosing the right realism level, drafting in speech‑first mode, and polishing with purposeful formatting, you’ll be able to write dialogue that feels as natural as the conversations happening right now—maybe even on the street outside the café where you’re writing.

Ready to let your characters speak? Grab your notebook, hit the streets, and start transcribing the world’s endless chorus of voices. Your readers (and search engines) will thank you.


Quick Reference: 5‑Step Cheat Sheet

  1. Listen & Record – Build an audio archive of real speech.
  2. Identify Patterns – Note fillers, pauses, regional words.
  3. Draft “Speech‑First” – Write like you talk, then read aloud.
  4. Apply Kelman Techniques – Minimal punctuation, selective dialect, ellipsis for hesitation.
  5. Edit for Clarity – Trim unnecessary filler, ensure readability, test with an unfamiliar reader.

Use this cheat sheet whenever you start a new dialogue‑heavy scene, and watch your characters come alive with the authentic, spoken timbre that only a few modern writers dare to master.


Happy writing, and may your prose always sound as if it’s being spoken in the moment!

…

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 258

Day 258 – Writing exercise

…

I could hear the thumping sound of the helicopter long before it arrived, a sound I was very familiar with, one that haunted my dreams.  Years fighting a senseless war with an almost invisible enemy had taken its toll. 

So many of those I served with had died, during and since the war ended, ignominiously, and part of me had died with them.

As it got closer, it struck fear into my heart, just as it had them.  We had treated every trip out a one-way ticket to hell, and on return, the fervent wish that the politicians and diplomats would make it so we didn’t have to go again.

If wishes were water…

It hovered, blowing everything around, until it hit the ground.

A woman in a navy jumpsuit hopped out, ran bent over towards me, then out from under the rotors, and waved it back into the sky.

Eleanor Brickneal.

Three days into the search for Rodney Brickneal, nearly two hundred deputies, national guardsmen, town folk, and family hadn’t found a sign of him.

I was not surprised.  His father, a retired Admiral, said he knew the mountain like the back of his hand, and if he wanted to disappear, he would.  I was sure he was actively trying to help his son disappear; after all, there was no direct evidence linking him to the murder of his wife, and even if there was, he would dismiss it as manufactured.

But it would have been useful if Richard had hung around long enough to give us his side of the story.  Instead, my boss put out an APB labelling him armed and dangerous, and the chances of us getting him off that mountain alive dropped to zero.

“Billy.”

“Eleanor.”  Rodney’s sister.  My nemesis.

We knew each other; that is to say, I had briefly dated her in high school, and sort of stayed together until she joined the Navy, and I followed my father into law enforcement.  We just wanted different things, and Richard had spent a lifetime keeping us apart.

“You should have asked for me earlier,” she shouted in my ear as the helicopter lifted off.  Seconds later, it was gone, leaving the thudding sounds ringing in my ears.

“Your father vetoed it.  I don’t know what he’s thinking, but it isn’t helping us find him.”

“Your boss doesn’t like him.  Old running mates for Mayor.  My Dad doesn’t take losing well.”

“No one does, apparently.  You need a few minutes to prepare?  I prepared a backpack.”

“Still hike the hill?”

“Still looking for the gold.”

She smiled.  “Both of us were kidding, you know.”  It was a long-standing joke between Eleanor, Richard, and I.  He spun a very good tale, but I always believed he was telling the truth, especially when she backed it up.

I looked at her, putting on my serious expression.  “You never kid.”

“Elly.”  The Admiral caught sight of her and barked her name, enough to make her almost flinch.  They were not on the best of terms, not after she brought back my son’s body from the war zone.

“Dad.”

He glared at her.  Dad was a title she was only allowed to use in private.  Or at least that was his idea of family respect.  It was not hers.

“You didn’t need to come.  We’ve got this under control.”

“He should be here, telling the sheriff he’s innocent and why, instead of running away.  Only guilty people do that.”

“Look at what he’s up against, a corrupt Mayor and a sheriff with a personal vendetta.  Would you?”

“You’ve got no evidence, no proof.  If you convinced him to run away, then his blood will be on your hands.  Unless we can get him back.  Just remember, every day we wait while he plays this game, it gets worse for him.  His enemies are already talking about a reward.  That’ll bring out the gun-happy fortune hunters.  We need to end this now.  Why aren’t you out there looking for him?”

“Someone has to run this circus.”

I thought I was supposed to be doing that.  I shrugged.  “Then I’ll leave it in your capable hands, sir.  Eleanor and I are going to find him and bring him back alive.”

…

The sounds of the camp disappeared, and the natural sound of the forest took over.  The wind rustling through the leaves of the canopy, the aroma of the undergrowth, the trees, the rotting floor, still damp from the overnight storm that had washed away any chance of the dogs picking up a trail.

There was a special kind of silence once you were inside the forest, except for the occasional rustling, birds above, animals on the floor searching for food, the sound of your breathing as you picked up a path that had been recently used by something larger than a rabbit. 

There were bears, but this was not the time of the year they were out.  There were rumours of cats, big cats, but one hadn’t been sighted for decades.  Hunters had killed them all.  Hunters killed everything, including the deer, though recently I had been up here and seen a mother with her foal.

Eleanor was in front, where she always preferred to be.  In charge.  Even back when we were children, she had that manner and ability to manage, to assign, to be a leader and make decisions.  She had always been more mature than her age suggested.

She stopped and waited until I caught up.

“I hear you’re retiring?”

“Had enough.”

She gave me that meaningful look of hers, the one where you felt like it was a full-length body scan, searching for faults.

“What happened to that never say die attitude?”

“Goodness and light are out of vogue.  That last sheriff election, it was little more than a smear campaign.”

“Why didn’t you quit then?”

“People asked me not to.  Not everyone believed Samson would be the best choice.”

“Yet he still won?”

“You know how it works.  I couldn’t find any proof that they cheated, but finding that box of 532 votes that put him over the line, that didn’t seem right.  Same ballot box that got the mayor over the line too.”

“Dad has been muttering about that too.  Times have changed.  Staying or leaving when you’re done?”

“Leaving.  Nothing for me here now.”

Nothing but painful memories.  A son killed in another senseless war, a death Emma, my companion for more years than I could remember, succumbing to the grief she could never recover from.  The cancer the doctors said they had removed came back, and a year later she was gone.

Eleanor had come back for the funeral, the first time in a few years, and she had changed too.  I could see it, even though from the outside she seemed the same.  War did that to a soul, slowly bleeding the goodness out of you.

She took a drink from the bottle, then put it back.

“Onwards and upwards”

It was her favourite line, and often she would strike out and leave us laggers behind.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

Her expression sometimes gave away what she was thinking.  Rarely, but it was there if you knew what to look for.  We both knew Richard better than anyone else.  He had a special place, up on the mountain, one he told us about but never showed us.  We both tried to follow him, but his skill in the forest was legendary.  But we had an idea where it might be, even though we had looked for it.

The thing is, we may have seen it and walked right past it.

“We’re starting at the last time either of us saw him.”  Then her expression changed.  Surprise, or something else.  “You were waiting.”

“For what?”

“Me.”

“Why?”

“Because you didn’t want to find him without me.  You know he’s innocent.”

“I know he couldn’t have done it.  It doesn’t mean he’s entirely innocent, but it’s a tick in a box.  He hasn’t exactly been a good boy, you know.  And Zelda, she was always courting trouble, snuggling up to the mayor.”

A look of disgust crossed her face.

“Not like that, but someone else.  I suspect she was recruited.  Information is the equivalent of gold these days.  And reneging, well, that can be bad for your health.  Maybe she accidentally found something that she was not supposed to.  I don’t know all the facts.”

“I thought you were not allowed to investigate?”

“I wasn’t.”

“Does Conway know what you’ve been up to?”

“He knows I have a rapport with this town, and my reputation, and he’s not stupid.”

“Then that adds a level of complexity.”  She looked around carefully, a complete 360-degree scan.  Sounds in the forest were going to take on a different meaning.

“Eyes and ears peeled, Billy.”

…

Trudging through the forest was not easy, especially where you had to forge your own trail.  Both our cell phones had GPS and kept us going in the right direction, though if we were being observed, it was not exactly straight.

I realised after half an hour that she was not continuously walking directly to a particular point, so if anyone was tracking us, they would hardly make sense of it.  Aside from the fact that once we left the bottom of the hill area, just off the camp side and car park, we started climbing, and the path was littered with rocks, fallen branches, and trees blocking the way.

It was slow progress.  We crossed trails, one rather fresh, that looked like dirt bikers made them, even though dirt bikes were banned.

After an hour, we reached a clearing which showed signs of recent activity: in the centre a fire pit, and around the edges, flattened grass indicating tents.  What was particularly annoying was that whoever was there just left their rubbish lying around.

“A month, two at the most,” she said.  “A long way to come just to make camp.”

“Maybe not.”

There had been rumours the mayor was courting a mining company to come up and do a survey for rare minerals that he believed were in the vicinity.  He had discovered some old prospecting notes in the city archives going back a hundred years, at a time when the rare minerals were not useful for anything.  Not like these days with mobile phones and computers needing resources that other countries were buying in order to monopolise the global market.

“The mayor is trying to sell off the wilderness as a mining bonanza.  For him and his cronies, of course, not for the betterment of the town.  Rare earth minerals, I’m told.”

“They’d be still here if they found any.”

I shrugged.  “We’ll never know until it’s too late.”

There were trails leading off the clearing, and we ventured along several, but they didn’t lead to anything other than what looked like scrapings for samples and holes dug to varying depths.

“Perhaps,” I said, after finding a rather deep hole at the edge of a ravine, “they actually found that gold Richard kept referring to.”

She simply shook her head, and we set off again, once again disappearing into the undergrowth.

Time passed slowly, or it seemed like it did.  We were this way, then that, then found a break in the undergrowth making progress easier.  Then, through the sounds of the wind in the trees, there was another sound, like rushing water. 

I knew there were several waterfalls and small lakes, and a river that snaked through the valley between two mountains, but I thought it was further away.  Perhaps it was not.

We headed towards the sound, and all of a sudden came out onto a small lake and on one side, a waterfall.  We were close to it, so close we could feel the drops of water being blown towards us.  It was a magnificent sight; one few would get to see.

“I don’t remember seeing this before,” she said.

“True.  I haven’t either, but then this was never part of the trail I took.  We always took a more roundabout way, which I always thought was Richard’s way of disorientating us.”

I took several photographs.  She noted the coordinates on her GPS.

We both saw what looked like a rough path leading towards the waterfall itself.

“Is that a path?”

“Only one way to find out.”

It was hazardous going because the rocks we wet and some mossy.  The noise got louder, and the spray denser, and water was running down the inside of my jacket.  It was cold, very cold.

“I can see a cave,” she said, then moved towards a gap between the rockface and the water.

Seconds later she disappeared.

I followed.

All of a sudden we were behind the wall of water, the sound of it thunderous, so loud I couldn’t hear what she said.  She motioned to follow, and we went along a few yards, when she turned right and headed into the rockface.

It was a cave.

We pulled out the torches and switched them on.  Behind the waterfall was a large cavern, and as we moved into it, the sound of the waterfall lessened.  Once inside, it was like a foyer, with tunnels leading off in several directions.

I looked down at the floor and notice footprints.  Several sets of tracks made by similar boots.

“This might be the secret hideaway,” I said, aiming the torchlight at the ground.

“They head into that cave.” she pointed her torch, and the beam only went so far.

I shrugged.  “Curious?”

She started walking, stopped, then switched off her torch.  “Kill it,” she whispered.

I did.  It was not total darkness; we still had light coming from behind the waterfall, but dark enough to blend into the shadows.

“What?”

“Voices.”

…

We waited.  I wanted to continue, with lights out, to see who or what was at the end, but she thought it was best to wait.

In the end, we did.  For half an hour.  Nothing.

“Now?”

“They might be waiting for us.  They had to see the light from the torches.”

“Who do you think ‘they’ might be.  Richard?”

“There were at least two voices.”

Richard and a friend, or accomplice?  “If it is him, I don’t think he’s going to kill his favourite sister.”

“Not so much a favourite these days.”

There wasn’t a scenario where I thought that could be possible.  “Then I’ll go, and you can wait here.  I’m sure he’ll hesitate long enough before shooting me.  Even he should realise I’m not his enemy.”

“He might not be in a rational state of mind.”

He might not, but then, if it was the Richard I knew, he was never irrational, just downright irritating.  There was a difference.

“Give me a few minutes, then follow.  Slowly.”

She put a hand on my shoulder.  “You don’t have to do this to impress me.”

“I tried that once, Eleanor, and it didn’t work then.  It’s my job.”

With that, and the fact my eyes had adjusted to the low-level light, it made it easier to see a lot further.  It was just one foot in front of the other, one hand on the wall, which was wet, and in places the water was trickling down to the floor. 

And the surface water was moving slowly in the direction I was heading which meant I was heading downwards.  Ten steps, then another ten.  The floor was uneven, but it seemed like someone had hewn the sides and the floor to make them flatter.  A hundred steps, give or take, I reached a wall, and the tunnel reached a T-intersection.

A choice of going left or right.

I carefully peered to the left and could see light at the end, perhaps another entrance.  There was the slight noise of the waterfall coming from that direction.  I could see nothing to the right, which meant it went further into the mountain.

Looking behind me, I could not see whether Eleanor was behind me, or even if she had followed me.

I turned the corner and started walking towards the light.  Ten steps, another five; I found myself counting them, I heard a noise behind me.  I thought it was Eleanor.

“Hello, Billy.”

It was Richard.  He switched on his torch but kept it facing down so it didn’t blind me.  It was a sign.

“Richard.  I guess you aren’t going to tell me this is your special place.”

“It was.  Seems every one knows about it.  Why are you here?”

“I thought that would be obvious.”

“I didn’t kill her.”

“Running away says otherwise.  The mayor and sheriff have half the town looking for you.”

“I know.”

“Who were you talking to, just before?”

He sighed.  “You don’t need to know.  Just like you didn’t see me.  Things would have been different if you had remained sheriff.”

“Times have changed.  Out with the old, in with the new.  That was his catchcry and won with it.”

“He cheated.  They both cheated.”

“Can you prove it?”

“My assistant told them how to.  I went to Samson with the evidence, and he told me if I didn’t keep my mouth closed there would be repercussions.  I told the mayor he had a corrupt sheriff, and next thing I knew, Zelda was dead, and Samson was looking for me.  I just learned he has three men out in the woods.  The moment I show my face I’m dead.”

“How did you assistant know how to fix the result?”  Eleanor had come silently up behind us.

“Elly.  What are you doing here?”

“Billy thought you would need someone around to tell you how to save yourself.  I suspect now we know what you know; none of us are.  Fixing elections, Rich.  Is there no limit to your perfidy?”

“It was a theoretical scenario.  Samson asked us to formulate ways the election might be fixed, and it was just one of a half dozen.  I refused the commission; my assistant saw a way of making some quick money.  He left the day after the election.  Now I know why.”

“Is there another way out of this place?”  Other than the one in front of us, or going back the way we came.  If anyone was following us…

“Back into the mountain for about a hundred yards.  There’s about a half dozen tunnels, mostly man-made, old workings.  There was gold in these hills, but not enough to make money.  Nowadays with the price of gold, who knows.”

“We stumbled on a clearing not far from here.”

“Prospectors.  Rare earth minerals, all the rage.  Conway believes it’s here.  They found traces of gold instead.  He’s trying to get the land rezoned for mining.  I’m fighting to prevent that.”

“We’d better go.”  Eleanor was not one to stand still.

He turned, stepped up to her.  “It’s good to see you.  I’m surprised the Navy could let you go.”

“Family.  Or what’s left of it.”

He the lead, she followed and I brought up the rear.

We got twenty yards before a strong blinding light flared in front of us, and we had to stop. 

“You are not going anywhere.”

It was a voice I didn’t recognise.  The owner stepped out from behind and armed his rifle as he stepped towards us.  I suspect he could shoot all three of us before we could get close enough to disarm him.  The extra sounds from behind him told me there was more than one.

I took a step closer to stand beside Eleanor.  “You do know I’m the Deputy Sheriff, and beside me is a Captain in the US Navy.”

“You could be the king and queen of England for all I care.  No one will ever find you, so I hardly think I have anything to worry about.  Now, the boss would like to have words, so let’s take things real slow and easy and no one will get hurt.”

Two more men came from behind the light, and each one came over to check whether we were armed.  Or at least that was the plan.

“Brace,” Eleanor screamed

A second later the tunnel we had come from the waterfall exploded with a huge fire flash and rocks going everywhere.  The sound of the explosion in the confined space was deafening, but prepared, it gave us the seconds we needed to overcome the three men.

They were on the ground and unconscious before the dust and rocks from the blast had settled.

“You found the explosive?” I said.

“You and your toys.”

“Just in case.  All part of being a Boy Scout in another lifetime.”

“Let’s go,” Richard said.  “We should shoot them, but there’s no point adding to the problems.  Follow me.”

…

©  Charles Heath  2026

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 258

Day 258 – Writing exercise

…

I could hear the thumping sound of the helicopter long before it arrived, a sound I was very familiar with, one that haunted my dreams.  Years fighting a senseless war with an almost invisible enemy had taken its toll. 

So many of those I served with had died, during and since the war ended, ignominiously, and part of me had died with them.

As it got closer, it struck fear into my heart, just as it had them.  We had treated every trip out a one-way ticket to hell, and on return, the fervent wish that the politicians and diplomats would make it so we didn’t have to go again.

If wishes were water…

It hovered, blowing everything around, until it hit the ground.

A woman in a navy jumpsuit hopped out, ran bent over towards me, then out from under the rotors, and waved it back into the sky.

Eleanor Brickneal.

Three days into the search for Rodney Brickneal, nearly two hundred deputies, national guardsmen, town folk, and family hadn’t found a sign of him.

I was not surprised.  His father, a retired Admiral, said he knew the mountain like the back of his hand, and if he wanted to disappear, he would.  I was sure he was actively trying to help his son disappear; after all, there was no direct evidence linking him to the murder of his wife, and even if there was, he would dismiss it as manufactured.

But it would have been useful if Richard had hung around long enough to give us his side of the story.  Instead, my boss put out an APB labelling him armed and dangerous, and the chances of us getting him off that mountain alive dropped to zero.

“Billy.”

“Eleanor.”  Rodney’s sister.  My nemesis.

We knew each other; that is to say, I had briefly dated her in high school, and sort of stayed together until she joined the Navy, and I followed my father into law enforcement.  We just wanted different things, and Richard had spent a lifetime keeping us apart.

“You should have asked for me earlier,” she shouted in my ear as the helicopter lifted off.  Seconds later, it was gone, leaving the thudding sounds ringing in my ears.

“Your father vetoed it.  I don’t know what he’s thinking, but it isn’t helping us find him.”

“Your boss doesn’t like him.  Old running mates for Mayor.  My Dad doesn’t take losing well.”

“No one does, apparently.  You need a few minutes to prepare?  I prepared a backpack.”

“Still hike the hill?”

“Still looking for the gold.”

She smiled.  “Both of us were kidding, you know.”  It was a long-standing joke between Eleanor, Richard, and I.  He spun a very good tale, but I always believed he was telling the truth, especially when she backed it up.

I looked at her, putting on my serious expression.  “You never kid.”

“Elly.”  The Admiral caught sight of her and barked her name, enough to make her almost flinch.  They were not on the best of terms, not after she brought back my son’s body from the war zone.

“Dad.”

He glared at her.  Dad was a title she was only allowed to use in private.  Or at least that was his idea of family respect.  It was not hers.

“You didn’t need to come.  We’ve got this under control.”

“He should be here, telling the sheriff he’s innocent and why, instead of running away.  Only guilty people do that.”

“Look at what he’s up against, a corrupt Mayor and a sheriff with a personal vendetta.  Would you?”

“You’ve got no evidence, no proof.  If you convinced him to run away, then his blood will be on your hands.  Unless we can get him back.  Just remember, every day we wait while he plays this game, it gets worse for him.  His enemies are already talking about a reward.  That’ll bring out the gun-happy fortune hunters.  We need to end this now.  Why aren’t you out there looking for him?”

“Someone has to run this circus.”

I thought I was supposed to be doing that.  I shrugged.  “Then I’ll leave it in your capable hands, sir.  Eleanor and I are going to find him and bring him back alive.”

…

The sounds of the camp disappeared, and the natural sound of the forest took over.  The wind rustling through the leaves of the canopy, the aroma of the undergrowth, the trees, the rotting floor, still damp from the overnight storm that had washed away any chance of the dogs picking up a trail.

There was a special kind of silence once you were inside the forest, except for the occasional rustling, birds above, animals on the floor searching for food, the sound of your breathing as you picked up a path that had been recently used by something larger than a rabbit. 

There were bears, but this was not the time of the year they were out.  There were rumours of cats, big cats, but one hadn’t been sighted for decades.  Hunters had killed them all.  Hunters killed everything, including the deer, though recently I had been up here and seen a mother with her foal.

Eleanor was in front, where she always preferred to be.  In charge.  Even back when we were children, she had that manner and ability to manage, to assign, to be a leader and make decisions.  She had always been more mature than her age suggested.

She stopped and waited until I caught up.

“I hear you’re retiring?”

“Had enough.”

She gave me that meaningful look of hers, the one where you felt like it was a full-length body scan, searching for faults.

“What happened to that never say die attitude?”

“Goodness and light are out of vogue.  That last sheriff election, it was little more than a smear campaign.”

“Why didn’t you quit then?”

“People asked me not to.  Not everyone believed Samson would be the best choice.”

“Yet he still won?”

“You know how it works.  I couldn’t find any proof that they cheated, but finding that box of 532 votes that put him over the line, that didn’t seem right.  Same ballot box that got the mayor over the line too.”

“Dad has been muttering about that too.  Times have changed.  Staying or leaving when you’re done?”

“Leaving.  Nothing for me here now.”

Nothing but painful memories.  A son killed in another senseless war, a death Emma, my companion for more years than I could remember, succumbing to the grief she could never recover from.  The cancer the doctors said they had removed came back, and a year later she was gone.

Eleanor had come back for the funeral, the first time in a few years, and she had changed too.  I could see it, even though from the outside she seemed the same.  War did that to a soul, slowly bleeding the goodness out of you.

She took a drink from the bottle, then put it back.

“Onwards and upwards”

It was her favourite line, and often she would strike out and leave us laggers behind.

“You thinking what I’m thinking?”

Her expression sometimes gave away what she was thinking.  Rarely, but it was there if you knew what to look for.  We both knew Richard better than anyone else.  He had a special place, up on the mountain, one he told us about but never showed us.  We both tried to follow him, but his skill in the forest was legendary.  But we had an idea where it might be, even though we had looked for it.

The thing is, we may have seen it and walked right past it.

“We’re starting at the last time either of us saw him.”  Then her expression changed.  Surprise, or something else.  “You were waiting.”

“For what?”

“Me.”

“Why?”

“Because you didn’t want to find him without me.  You know he’s innocent.”

“I know he couldn’t have done it.  It doesn’t mean he’s entirely innocent, but it’s a tick in a box.  He hasn’t exactly been a good boy, you know.  And Zelda, she was always courting trouble, snuggling up to the mayor.”

A look of disgust crossed her face.

“Not like that, but someone else.  I suspect she was recruited.  Information is the equivalent of gold these days.  And reneging, well, that can be bad for your health.  Maybe she accidentally found something that she was not supposed to.  I don’t know all the facts.”

“I thought you were not allowed to investigate?”

“I wasn’t.”

“Does Conway know what you’ve been up to?”

“He knows I have a rapport with this town, and my reputation, and he’s not stupid.”

“Then that adds a level of complexity.”  She looked around carefully, a complete 360-degree scan.  Sounds in the forest were going to take on a different meaning.

“Eyes and ears peeled, Billy.”

…

Trudging through the forest was not easy, especially where you had to forge your own trail.  Both our cell phones had GPS and kept us going in the right direction, though if we were being observed, it was not exactly straight.

I realised after half an hour that she was not continuously walking directly to a particular point, so if anyone was tracking us, they would hardly make sense of it.  Aside from the fact that once we left the bottom of the hill area, just off the camp side and car park, we started climbing, and the path was littered with rocks, fallen branches, and trees blocking the way.

It was slow progress.  We crossed trails, one rather fresh, that looked like dirt bikers made them, even though dirt bikes were banned.

After an hour, we reached a clearing which showed signs of recent activity: in the centre a fire pit, and around the edges, flattened grass indicating tents.  What was particularly annoying was that whoever was there just left their rubbish lying around.

“A month, two at the most,” she said.  “A long way to come just to make camp.”

“Maybe not.”

There had been rumours the mayor was courting a mining company to come up and do a survey for rare minerals that he believed were in the vicinity.  He had discovered some old prospecting notes in the city archives going back a hundred years, at a time when the rare minerals were not useful for anything.  Not like these days with mobile phones and computers needing resources that other countries were buying in order to monopolise the global market.

“The mayor is trying to sell off the wilderness as a mining bonanza.  For him and his cronies, of course, not for the betterment of the town.  Rare earth minerals, I’m told.”

“They’d be still here if they found any.”

I shrugged.  “We’ll never know until it’s too late.”

There were trails leading off the clearing, and we ventured along several, but they didn’t lead to anything other than what looked like scrapings for samples and holes dug to varying depths.

“Perhaps,” I said, after finding a rather deep hole at the edge of a ravine, “they actually found that gold Richard kept referring to.”

She simply shook her head, and we set off again, once again disappearing into the undergrowth.

Time passed slowly, or it seemed like it did.  We were this way, then that, then found a break in the undergrowth making progress easier.  Then, through the sounds of the wind in the trees, there was another sound, like rushing water. 

I knew there were several waterfalls and small lakes, and a river that snaked through the valley between two mountains, but I thought it was further away.  Perhaps it was not.

We headed towards the sound, and all of a sudden came out onto a small lake and on one side, a waterfall.  We were close to it, so close we could feel the drops of water being blown towards us.  It was a magnificent sight; one few would get to see.

“I don’t remember seeing this before,” she said.

“True.  I haven’t either, but then this was never part of the trail I took.  We always took a more roundabout way, which I always thought was Richard’s way of disorientating us.”

I took several photographs.  She noted the coordinates on her GPS.

We both saw what looked like a rough path leading towards the waterfall itself.

“Is that a path?”

“Only one way to find out.”

It was hazardous going because the rocks we wet and some mossy.  The noise got louder, and the spray denser, and water was running down the inside of my jacket.  It was cold, very cold.

“I can see a cave,” she said, then moved towards a gap between the rockface and the water.

Seconds later she disappeared.

I followed.

All of a sudden we were behind the wall of water, the sound of it thunderous, so loud I couldn’t hear what she said.  She motioned to follow, and we went along a few yards, when she turned right and headed into the rockface.

It was a cave.

We pulled out the torches and switched them on.  Behind the waterfall was a large cavern, and as we moved into it, the sound of the waterfall lessened.  Once inside, it was like a foyer, with tunnels leading off in several directions.

I looked down at the floor and notice footprints.  Several sets of tracks made by similar boots.

“This might be the secret hideaway,” I said, aiming the torchlight at the ground.

“They head into that cave.” she pointed her torch, and the beam only went so far.

I shrugged.  “Curious?”

She started walking, stopped, then switched off her torch.  “Kill it,” she whispered.

I did.  It was not total darkness; we still had light coming from behind the waterfall, but dark enough to blend into the shadows.

“What?”

“Voices.”

…

We waited.  I wanted to continue, with lights out, to see who or what was at the end, but she thought it was best to wait.

In the end, we did.  For half an hour.  Nothing.

“Now?”

“They might be waiting for us.  They had to see the light from the torches.”

“Who do you think ‘they’ might be.  Richard?”

“There were at least two voices.”

Richard and a friend, or accomplice?  “If it is him, I don’t think he’s going to kill his favourite sister.”

“Not so much a favourite these days.”

There wasn’t a scenario where I thought that could be possible.  “Then I’ll go, and you can wait here.  I’m sure he’ll hesitate long enough before shooting me.  Even he should realise I’m not his enemy.”

“He might not be in a rational state of mind.”

He might not, but then, if it was the Richard I knew, he was never irrational, just downright irritating.  There was a difference.

“Give me a few minutes, then follow.  Slowly.”

She put a hand on my shoulder.  “You don’t have to do this to impress me.”

“I tried that once, Eleanor, and it didn’t work then.  It’s my job.”

With that, and the fact my eyes had adjusted to the low-level light, it made it easier to see a lot further.  It was just one foot in front of the other, one hand on the wall, which was wet, and in places the water was trickling down to the floor. 

And the surface water was moving slowly in the direction I was heading which meant I was heading downwards.  Ten steps, then another ten.  The floor was uneven, but it seemed like someone had hewn the sides and the floor to make them flatter.  A hundred steps, give or take, I reached a wall, and the tunnel reached a T-intersection.

A choice of going left or right.

I carefully peered to the left and could see light at the end, perhaps another entrance.  There was the slight noise of the waterfall coming from that direction.  I could see nothing to the right, which meant it went further into the mountain.

Looking behind me, I could not see whether Eleanor was behind me, or even if she had followed me.

I turned the corner and started walking towards the light.  Ten steps, another five; I found myself counting them, I heard a noise behind me.  I thought it was Eleanor.

“Hello, Billy.”

It was Richard.  He switched on his torch but kept it facing down so it didn’t blind me.  It was a sign.

“Richard.  I guess you aren’t going to tell me this is your special place.”

“It was.  Seems every one knows about it.  Why are you here?”

“I thought that would be obvious.”

“I didn’t kill her.”

“Running away says otherwise.  The mayor and sheriff have half the town looking for you.”

“I know.”

“Who were you talking to, just before?”

He sighed.  “You don’t need to know.  Just like you didn’t see me.  Things would have been different if you had remained sheriff.”

“Times have changed.  Out with the old, in with the new.  That was his catchcry and won with it.”

“He cheated.  They both cheated.”

“Can you prove it?”

“My assistant told them how to.  I went to Samson with the evidence, and he told me if I didn’t keep my mouth closed there would be repercussions.  I told the mayor he had a corrupt sheriff, and next thing I knew, Zelda was dead, and Samson was looking for me.  I just learned he has three men out in the woods.  The moment I show my face I’m dead.”

“How did you assistant know how to fix the result?”  Eleanor had come silently up behind us.

“Elly.  What are you doing here?”

“Billy thought you would need someone around to tell you how to save yourself.  I suspect now we know what you know; none of us are.  Fixing elections, Rich.  Is there no limit to your perfidy?”

“It was a theoretical scenario.  Samson asked us to formulate ways the election might be fixed, and it was just one of a half dozen.  I refused the commission; my assistant saw a way of making some quick money.  He left the day after the election.  Now I know why.”

“Is there another way out of this place?”  Other than the one in front of us, or going back the way we came.  If anyone was following us…

“Back into the mountain for about a hundred yards.  There’s about a half dozen tunnels, mostly man-made, old workings.  There was gold in these hills, but not enough to make money.  Nowadays with the price of gold, who knows.”

“We stumbled on a clearing not far from here.”

“Prospectors.  Rare earth minerals, all the rage.  Conway believes it’s here.  They found traces of gold instead.  He’s trying to get the land rezoned for mining.  I’m fighting to prevent that.”

“We’d better go.”  Eleanor was not one to stand still.

He turned, stepped up to her.  “It’s good to see you.  I’m surprised the Navy could let you go.”

“Family.  Or what’s left of it.”

He the lead, she followed and I brought up the rear.

We got twenty yards before a strong blinding light flared in front of us, and we had to stop. 

“You are not going anywhere.”

It was a voice I didn’t recognise.  The owner stepped out from behind and armed his rifle as he stepped towards us.  I suspect he could shoot all three of us before we could get close enough to disarm him.  The extra sounds from behind him told me there was more than one.

I took a step closer to stand beside Eleanor.  “You do know I’m the Deputy Sheriff, and beside me is a Captain in the US Navy.”

“You could be the king and queen of England for all I care.  No one will ever find you, so I hardly think I have anything to worry about.  Now, the boss would like to have words, so let’s take things real slow and easy and no one will get hurt.”

Two more men came from behind the light, and each one came over to check whether we were armed.  Or at least that was the plan.

“Brace,” Eleanor screamed

A second later the tunnel we had come from the waterfall exploded with a huge fire flash and rocks going everywhere.  The sound of the explosion in the confined space was deafening, but prepared, it gave us the seconds we needed to overcome the three men.

They were on the ground and unconscious before the dust and rocks from the blast had settled.

“You found the explosive?” I said.

“You and your toys.”

“Just in case.  All part of being a Boy Scout in another lifetime.”

“Let’s go,” Richard said.  “We should shoot them, but there’s no point adding to the problems.  Follow me.”

…

©  Charles Heath  2026

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 257

Day 257 – Good or bad – it’s a labour of love

…

The Agony of the Flawed Manuscript: Why Bad Books Deserve Our Empathy

“A bad book is as much a labour to write as a good one; it comes as sincerely from the author’s soul.” — Aldous Huxley

We live in a culture obsessed with greatness. From best-seller lists to Goodreads ratings, we are quick to elevate literary masterpieces and equally quick—sometimes brutally so—to tear down what doesn’t measure up. It is easy to mock a clunky metaphor, groan at a predictable plot twist, or mock a poorly paced narrative.

But take a step back and consider the reality behind that published failure.

When we read Aldous Huxley’s quote, it serves as a sobering reminder of a profound truth: the agony of creation does not discriminate based on quality. A terrible book requires just as many bleary-eyed 3:00 AM editing sessions, just as much emotional excavation, and just as many prayers whispered into the void as a timeless classic.

Here is a deeper look at Huxley’s insight, exploring the hidden empathy we should extend to “bad” books and the writers who bleed to make them.


The Myth of the Easy Flop

There is a common misconception among readers that bad books happen because the author simply didn’t care. We imagine cynical writers churning out garbage for a quick buck, laughing all the way to the bank.

And sure, that happens in commercialized corners of the industry. But true badness—the kind born of earnest effort—is usually tragic rather than cynical.

Writing a book is a marathon through a psychological swamp. It demands months, often years, of isolation, self-doubt, and relentless problem-solving. An author trying to write a brilliant fantasy epic experiences the exact same terror of the blank page as someone writing utter drivel. Both stare into the abyss. Both grapple with imposter syndrome.

When a book turns out bad, it is rarely because the author didn’t try. More often, it’s because they tried so hard that they lost perspective. They missed the plot holes because they were too close to the canvas. They forced a grandiose style because they desperately wanted to be profound.

Sincerity is No Guarantee of Success

Huxley’s most arresting point is this: it comes as sincerely from the author’s soul.

Sincerity is often touted as the ultimate virtue in art. “Just be authentic!” we tell aspiring creators. But sincerity is a wildly unreliable compass.

An author can pour their most authentic childhood trauma, their deepest philosophical musings, and their purest passions into a manuscript. They can bleed onto the pages. And yet, the result can still be unreadable. Why? Because writing is a craft as much as it is an art.

  • A carpenter can have a pure, sincere love for wood, but if they don’t understand joinery, the chair is going to collapse when someone sits in it.
  • A writer can have a soul bursting with profound human truths, but if they lack pacing, dialogue mechanics, and structural awareness, the book will collapse under its own weight.

The tragedy of the bad book is the gap between intention and execution. The author felt the magic while writing it. In their head, the scene was cinematic, the dialogue crackled, and the themes resonated like a cathedral bell. Waking up to find that readers experienced none of that—that the magic failed to translate—is a special kind of heartbreak.

Why We Should Read (and Judge) with Compassion

None of this is to say we should abandon literary criticism. Bad books exist, and pointing out why they fail helps elevate the conversation around art.

However, remembering Huxley’s words changes how we critique. It shifts our posture from sneering mockery to respectful critique.

  1. Acknowledge the Courage: Every published author has done something terrifying. They have taken the chaotic, vulnerable contents of their mind and packaged them for public judgment. Even if the execution is a disaster, the act of completion requires immense courage.
  2. Respect the Sweat: Behind every cringeworthy paragraph is a writer who deleted and rewrote that sentence five times, thinking, Yes, this is the one. Honor the labor, even when the product falls flat.
  3. Appreciate the Attempt: A failed ambitious book is almost always more interesting than a safe, mediocre one. Authors who swing for the fences and strike out are doing the necessary heavy lifting of art. They are exploring the boundaries of what works—and sometimes, you have to map the swamps to find the gold.

The Ultimate Takeaway

Writing is hard. It is a grueling, humbling, often unrewarding endeavor.

The next time you pick up a book that simply doesn’t work—whether it’s riddled with clichés, bogged down by purple prose, or narratively hollow—try not to scoff too quickly. Remember that somewhere out there, a writer sat at a desk in the quiet dark, pouring their heart into those very pages, hoping against hope that they were making something good.

They may have failed, but as Huxley reminds us, their soul was in it all the same. And that, at the very least, demands our respect.


What are your thoughts? Have you ever read a book where you could tell the author tried immensely hard, but the execution just missed the mark? Let’s discuss in the comments below!

…

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 257

Day 257 – Good or bad – it’s a labour of love

…

The Agony of the Flawed Manuscript: Why Bad Books Deserve Our Empathy

“A bad book is as much a labour to write as a good one; it comes as sincerely from the author’s soul.” — Aldous Huxley

We live in a culture obsessed with greatness. From best-seller lists to Goodreads ratings, we are quick to elevate literary masterpieces and equally quick—sometimes brutally so—to tear down what doesn’t measure up. It is easy to mock a clunky metaphor, groan at a predictable plot twist, or mock a poorly paced narrative.

But take a step back and consider the reality behind that published failure.

When we read Aldous Huxley’s quote, it serves as a sobering reminder of a profound truth: the agony of creation does not discriminate based on quality. A terrible book requires just as many bleary-eyed 3:00 AM editing sessions, just as much emotional excavation, and just as many prayers whispered into the void as a timeless classic.

Here is a deeper look at Huxley’s insight, exploring the hidden empathy we should extend to “bad” books and the writers who bleed to make them.


The Myth of the Easy Flop

There is a common misconception among readers that bad books happen because the author simply didn’t care. We imagine cynical writers churning out garbage for a quick buck, laughing all the way to the bank.

And sure, that happens in commercialized corners of the industry. But true badness—the kind born of earnest effort—is usually tragic rather than cynical.

Writing a book is a marathon through a psychological swamp. It demands months, often years, of isolation, self-doubt, and relentless problem-solving. An author trying to write a brilliant fantasy epic experiences the exact same terror of the blank page as someone writing utter drivel. Both stare into the abyss. Both grapple with imposter syndrome.

When a book turns out bad, it is rarely because the author didn’t try. More often, it’s because they tried so hard that they lost perspective. They missed the plot holes because they were too close to the canvas. They forced a grandiose style because they desperately wanted to be profound.

Sincerity is No Guarantee of Success

Huxley’s most arresting point is this: it comes as sincerely from the author’s soul.

Sincerity is often touted as the ultimate virtue in art. “Just be authentic!” we tell aspiring creators. But sincerity is a wildly unreliable compass.

An author can pour their most authentic childhood trauma, their deepest philosophical musings, and their purest passions into a manuscript. They can bleed onto the pages. And yet, the result can still be unreadable. Why? Because writing is a craft as much as it is an art.

  • A carpenter can have a pure, sincere love for wood, but if they don’t understand joinery, the chair is going to collapse when someone sits in it.
  • A writer can have a soul bursting with profound human truths, but if they lack pacing, dialogue mechanics, and structural awareness, the book will collapse under its own weight.

The tragedy of the bad book is the gap between intention and execution. The author felt the magic while writing it. In their head, the scene was cinematic, the dialogue crackled, and the themes resonated like a cathedral bell. Waking up to find that readers experienced none of that—that the magic failed to translate—is a special kind of heartbreak.

Why We Should Read (and Judge) with Compassion

None of this is to say we should abandon literary criticism. Bad books exist, and pointing out why they fail helps elevate the conversation around art.

However, remembering Huxley’s words changes how we critique. It shifts our posture from sneering mockery to respectful critique.

  1. Acknowledge the Courage: Every published author has done something terrifying. They have taken the chaotic, vulnerable contents of their mind and packaged them for public judgment. Even if the execution is a disaster, the act of completion requires immense courage.
  2. Respect the Sweat: Behind every cringeworthy paragraph is a writer who deleted and rewrote that sentence five times, thinking, Yes, this is the one. Honor the labor, even when the product falls flat.
  3. Appreciate the Attempt: A failed ambitious book is almost always more interesting than a safe, mediocre one. Authors who swing for the fences and strike out are doing the necessary heavy lifting of art. They are exploring the boundaries of what works—and sometimes, you have to map the swamps to find the gold.

The Ultimate Takeaway

Writing is hard. It is a grueling, humbling, often unrewarding endeavor.

The next time you pick up a book that simply doesn’t work—whether it’s riddled with clichés, bogged down by purple prose, or narratively hollow—try not to scoff too quickly. Remember that somewhere out there, a writer sat at a desk in the quiet dark, pouring their heart into those very pages, hoping against hope that they were making something good.

They may have failed, but as Huxley reminds us, their soul was in it all the same. And that, at the very least, demands our respect.


What are your thoughts? Have you ever read a book where you could tell the author tried immensely hard, but the execution just missed the mark? Let’s discuss in the comments below!

…

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 255/256

Days 255 and 256 – Writing Exercise

…

A life could be summed up in a half dozen dreams.

Once upon a time, my dreams were of the good times in my life, the first being when a young child, going to the sea by train, once a year, for a holiday.

A tradition my father had pronounced one morning, that his parents had done for him and his brothers and sister.  There was no doubt who the favourite was.

We were not rich, but it was the one luxury we could afford.

I carried it on, with our three children, each special in their own way.  Elsie spoiled them, because her family did not the wherewithal to have a single extravagance.

The second was the hard times because with the good came the hard.  My father always said that nothing lasts forever, and he was right.

Soon after my mother died, my father changed.  So did our lives.  There just never seemed to be any fun anymore.  Certainly, there were no more holidays.  It seemed none of his or mothers’ family could or would help us.

The third was watching those around you become cynical and well, just plain horrid.

My mother taught me, taught all of us, to make the most of what we had, to look after each other, because in the end, that was all we had.

She was right.

But our problem was that for too many years we had taken our parents for granted, that they would always be there, and that we would not have to figure it out.

We were wrong.

Then our father died, we were suddenly left alone and those who could not adapt would be left behind.

No one should lose their parents when they just became a teenager.  I was the second eldest.  I always thought my brother was the rock.  It turned out that was my sister.  She had just turned twelve going on twenty-five

The fourth was the choices I made, and how I chose to live my life.  I did not want the pain that was inflicted on me to be carried forward, if or when I married and had children.

I wanted to find them a balance between being nurtured but also tough enough to handle any crises better than I had.

It, of course, did not consider the different external forces that impact our lives, the circumstances that are beyond our control.

Ours had been the early loss of our parents, the lack of sympathy and help from uncles and aunts, and a particular sort of harshness from the external world, a world that no longer rewarded loyalty, and a world that no long-had respect for our fellow human beings.

The world suddenly was filled with the haves and the have-nots, those with a job and those without, a world of shortages and greed, political upheaval, and racial hatred.

It was like we had gone full circle, discovering and basking in a whole series of changes that made our lives better, then watching it all slowly crumble under the machinations of mankind, the wealth of the few increased and the wealth of the many slowly disappeared.

Someone said it was the new world order, and it came so fast that no one saw it coming.

My life after I found the love of my life, Elsie, was a long dream, number five if I was counting, and I had always believed I had been the luckiest man on earth.

How else could anyone explain to me how I ended up with an angel?  Certainly, I didn’t deserve her, but I never ever took her for granted and treated her with the respect she deserved.

I tried instilling those values into my children but somewhere, somehow they missed the point or didn’t get the memo.

Or maybe the world had changed and we missed it, or more to the point, ignored it at our peril.  Whatever it was, it was not a fight we were going to win.

But then, we were not only people on that sinking ship.

The last, the sixth, was a shared dream with all mankind.  It’s the one that was most fresh in my mind.

We were all to blame in the end.  We let a monster run amok, turned our whole world into one of mistrust and hatred, let him start a war over a notion that in the end wasn’t true but still provoked the unthinkable.

It was always going to happen; it was only just a matter of time.  Each time I went to sleep I hoped against hope that sanity would prevail, but the truth was, all it would take was one man to destroy the world.

And in mind’s eye the dream always ended the same way.  A faceless man in a military uniform hiding in an underground bunker making a decision that he hadn’t thought through.

One that no one had ever thought would come to fruition, that the latent threat would be all that was needed to stop anyone in their right mind from destroying the world.

We were all wrong.  Everyone was wrong.

They didn’t believe that there would be one such man, but there was and it was he who gave the order.  But the biggest myth of all was that even if there was one such man, everyone else would believe that order would have been ignored, that down that chain of command common sense would prevail.  Even when they knew that man led a despotic regime by fear and murder, still they wanted to believe the order would not be obeyed.

And even at the eleventh hour, still no one could conceive that any one person could order the possible end of the world and the complete annihilation of his country and and expect it would be obeyed.

Without question.

Fear of him far outweighed the fear of annihilation.

Promises were made, lies were told, a deadline passed, and five minutes later, the unstoppable conflagration began.

What was always meant to be a deterrent, in the end, was no such thing at all.

…

What followed was a living nightmare.

We were the lucky people not living anywhere near where a low-yield nuclear bomb dropped, but we heard what happened.

About three weeks later, some semblance of order was returned.

All we knew was a warning a day before it happened: a message would be broadcast, with instructions.

Most people in the blast areas got the message but it was too late.  Everyone within a 10 kilometre radius was dead, or dying, and it wasn’t much better for 50 kilometres outside that range.

We didn’t hear what happened elsewhere.  The radio service disappeared, along with everything else, and it was down to local existing authorities until lawlessness set in.

It was inevitable.  We had resources, they wanted resources and they were happy to kill for it.  That’s when someone said we should take what we had and disappear until sanity returned.

I was in the right place at the right time.  I had a truck with fuel; they needed to transport supplies.  In the mountains where many decades ago, a madman thought the hills were filled with gold.

He spent a fortune looking for it, basically building a whole underground city, one very few people knew existed, and a descendant who did made it a new home for selected people.

He was a doomsdayer and had set up a remarkable facility in anticipation madness would eventually win out.

There was space, he estimated, for about a thousand.  We packed up, and silently and stealthily moved out under the cover of darkness.

Five years later, we were still there, watching and waiting, observing the nuclear winter, watching the shifting winds tainted by fallout, watching the earth die, then eventually come back to life.

Few people who survived passed by, and there was nothing we could do for them, some were allowed to stay, and those that didn’t could not be allowed to live and tell.  Most had radiation sickness and would not last a month, two at the most.  It was a harsh, unforgivable rule but the leaders decided that it was the only way we could survive, and they would not have a lingering and painful death.

I didn’t agree, but I didn’t argue.  I don’t know what that made me, and I didn’t want to know.  I guess self-preservation was stronger than moral outrage.

But I was one of about a hundred in the outside exploration and monitoring teams made up of a dozen specialists, a mission leader, a doctor and navigation and journal keeper, a mechanic, a biologist, a nuclear scientist and an escort of soldiers or ex-soldiers.

We were the people to decide who we helped, what was left of humanity, how long we could last before we finally came out of hibernation.

Over the years we monitored the habitat, observed the nuclear winter effects, watch everything die, and we were hoping this next foray, there would be signs of hope.  We sought out supplies, tried to locate other survivors with little o no success.

We had been doing this every three to six months for the last five years.

The last exploration told us that the earth was coming back to life.  That the cycle of radiation and contamination was easing, and possibly the worst was over.  We wanted to believe that other people had to survive, and soon we would venture much further afield and if possible join forces.

We had encountered small groups over the years, but they either died or moved on over successive years.  It wasn’t the radiation that killed them in the end; it was starvation.  And we couldn’t help them; we barely had enough for ourselves.

…

I woke to the sound of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons, the music that I used to either put me to sleep or try to find inner peace after a nasty encounter on the outside.

My firm belief had been, after the event, that the world would take a step back and people would be united in a common goal.  The problem was, just before the bombs dropped our own government had turned us against each other, intensifying racism and the divide between the haves and have nots.

The bombs only intensified those hatreds and instead of banding together it became a war of attrition, and it had hard to find any reason why a trivial occurrence of taking a bottle of water would warrant being summarily executed.

It had become a shoot first and ask questions later type of society, where petty zealots seized power and harshly enforced it.  We had those in our camp, but the boss didn’t let hatred fester.  He simply weaned it out with a bullet to the head.

Out in the field it didn’t take long to realise humans had lost all sense of decency; they were not interested in joining with or helping their fellow citizens and would kill anyone who disagreed with them.

The bombs didn’t kill everybody else, stupidity did.

I was hoping that today would mark a change in the world we had been waiting for, with the dense clouds that had been filtering out the sun, were finally going, and that a lot of places would no longer be radioactive.

We gathered in the hall by the rear entrance, the one that gave us the most invisible exit from the cave system.

Everyone had a gun, bulletproof vest, overcoats and sturdy boots.  We were up for a five-mile hike before we got the main road, now little more than a track.  We hadn’t seen vehicles for years, except some parked in a nearby forest resort carpark.  It had been the saddest day of my life to see all the people there had wither been shot or eventually die of starvation.  A note said they had waited for someone to come and tell them what to do.

I was surprised that people were not camping in the various open areas near the roads.  Or maybe they had and left.  The Midwest had very little other than miles and miles of scorched earth and either burned or contaminated land. 

I don’t think many knew there would be a nuclear winter.  I certainly didn’t when it was explained to me.  Normal people had a hard time just believing someone would bomb our country after our military told they would be obliterated if they did.  Perhaps that was the biggest joke, they had fired first, and no one did that to us. 

They were obliterated but so were we.

“Once more onto the breach…”  Howie was ex-military and wore his gun like it was part of him.  He led the team, with a kill or be killed attitude.

He handed out the weapons.  “Shoot only when necessary and keep your eyes and ears about you.”

The scientists didn’t like the idea of carrying guns, but most did.  We had been in skirmishes before.

That was the extent of the pep talk.  He took the lead and gave the order. “Open seasame.”

…

The internal blast doors made the same sound they had for the past five years, except there was a groan before the heavy metal began to open.

When the pneumatic seals finally hissed, surrendering to the greasy heave of manual overrides and backup generators, the sound was less like a door opening and more like a tomb drawing its first breath. A cold, dead draft spilled inward—not fresh, but alien. It tasted of nothing. No, that wasn’t right. It tasted of old stone, distant dampness, and something sharp and metallic that lingered on the back of the tongue. Ozone.

Or maybe just the ghost of rain.

Dr. Elena Vance, the botanist in front of me, adjusted the straps of her filtration pack, her fingers trembling slightly inside heavy rubberized gloves. Behind us, nine sets of boots shifted on the corrugated steel floor of the airlock—scientists, their faces pale and pinched from half a decade of fluorescent-lit hydroponics, and undispersed security personnel, their assault rifles held at low-ready, faces obscured by mirrored polymer visors.

“Remember your protocols,” Howie said, his voice amplified and flattened by his suit’s comm-unit.

Then one of the scientists said, “The soot layer is thinning, but low-yield fallout doesn’t care about sunlight.

That was followed by Howie again, “We stay within five hundred meters of the egress shaft to begin with. We use the dosimeters. And if you see anything moving that isn’t us, you paint it and drop.”

Sergeant Miller, a scarred veteran who had been in town the day the bombs dropped was brought to the subterranean facility when the world ended five years ago, sighed. “Nothing’s out there, Chief.  Just ash and ghosts.  We’re hundreds of miles from the strike zones, and even the rats died out three winters ago.”

“Hope you’re right, Sergeant,” Elena murmured.

She turned back to the threshold.

For five years, the only light they had known was the sickly, yellow-green hum of the algae vats and the harsh white glare of the emergency lamps. But now, cutting through the cavernous darkness of the mountain exit tunnel, was a thin, trembling dagger of gold.

Sunlight.

As they approached the outer entrance, we could see it strike the concrete floor. Elena stepped forward, her boots crunching on crusty layers of grey grime that had drifted down the mountainside over the years. As she cleared the mouth of the cave, she shielded her eyes—not from the dark, but from the sudden, merciless glare of a sky that had been hidden away.

It took a full minute for our eyes to adjust. When they did, the world revealed itself in agonizing, muted monochrome.

The valley below was becoming less of a cemetery of charcoal and pale stone. The pine forests that had once choked the lower slopes were now jagged, tooth-like skeletons jutting upwards towards the sky, stripped bare firstly by fire and then as the water dried up, an inevitable death. The ground was still blanketed in a thick, lifeless crust of soot, dirt, and dead vegetation that crackled under out feet.

It felt eerie walking though what could be described as a petrified forest, only able to see about a hundred years in any direction.

About a kilometre from the cave, we came to a track.  Howie called us to stop by displaying a raised fist, then a whiling motion as the soldier fanned out surrounding us.  “Someone has used this recently.  Tracks are fresh.  Check the surroundings, slowly.”

While the others looked through the trees, and back the way we came, I saw Elena bend over, looking at the ground.  I saw it too, a single, defiant thread of emerald. A blade of grass. Small, twisted, and struggling, but undeniably green.

“I’ll be damned,” whispered Dr. Hayes behind her, dropping to his knees to stare at it. “The physics models… they were right. The thermal inversion is collapsing. The soot is dropping out.”

“Don’t touch it,” Howie snapped, his rifle sweeping the ruined treeline. “Radiation doesn’t care if it’s green.”

She glared at him, then took a photo, and the GPS position.

He waited, then said, “There’ll be more.  Move out. Perimeter formation.”

The squad fanned out, crunching silently across the dead earth. For twenty minutes, the only sounds were the crunch of ash and the rhythmic click-beep of twelve dosimeters registering background radiation—elevated, certainly, but low enough to sustain short-term exposure without immediate biological collapse. There were no birds. No insects. No wind, save for a low, mournful draft sweeping down from the peaks.

We stopped in a clear elongated valley where the road was more defined, if not cracked and distorted, a road that encircle the base of the mountains.  If we were to encounter anyone it would be here.

Which after reaching the first turn, it was not a person we saw, it was the remains of a newly rusted transport truck that had clearly run out of fuel.

The radio squawked.  “Movement. Two o’clock, ridge line.”  The voice belonged to Private Vance—no relation to Elena—posted on the eastern flank.

Every rifle snapped up in unison. Elena froze, her heart hammering against her ribs.

“Vance, status,” Howie barked into his comms, dropping to one knee beside the charred chassis of the truck.

Silence. Then, static.

“Vance?”

A sharp crack echoed off the stone walls of the valley. It wasn’t thunder. It was a round—high-calibre, supersonic—that punched cleanly through the metal door of the truck a foot above Howie’s head, showering rusted flakes.

“Contact!” Howie roared. “Spread out! Return fire!”

Chaos erupted. The sterile quiet of the dead world shattered into the deafening concussions of gunfire. Flashes of muzzle fire stabbed out from the ridgeline two hundred yards up, partially obscured by the lingering wisps of high-altitude haze.

“Where are they coming from?” Hayes cried, scrambling backward and tripping over his own bulky suit.

“Scavs,” Howie snarled, firing a controlled three-round burst from his rifle toward the ridge. “Marauders. They followed the melt line up from the lowlands. They think we’re a fresh vault.”

Elena pressed her back against the truck, her breath coming in ragged gasps. It was not the first time for any of them, but still the five years underground had made them soft; the raiders up on that ridge had spent five years learning how to kill each other for canned peaches and clean filters.

Another round chewed up the dirt inches from her boot.

“We need to fall back to the tunnel!” Elena yelled over the din.

“Negative, Doc! If we run, they bottleneck us at the door,” Howie shouted back, tossing a smoke grenade into the open ground to mask their positions. Thick grey smoke billowed up, mixing with the ambient soot. “Two men on me—let’s climb the gully and flank them. The rest cover the scientists back to the cave!”

Through the smoke, Elena saw shapes moving down the ridge. Three—no, four figures, wrapped in mismatched tactical gear, heavy dust coats, and crude gas masks with yellowed lenses. They weren’t soldiers. They were starving, desperate things, clutching battered assault rifles with the manic intensity of the damned.

One of them broke cover, charging down the slope toward the smoking transport truck, firing wildly.

Private Diaz, one of the younger security guards, stepped out from behind a boulder, his weapon tracking the charging figure. His rifle barked twice. The raider dropped, tumbling dead into the ash.

But the others were already adjusting. A heavy machine gun opened up from the ridge, chewing the boulders into white-hot shrapnel. Diaz took a round to the shoulder, his cry cut short as he pitched backward into the dirt.

“Diaz!” Hayes made a move to run toward him, but Elena grabbed the collar of his suit, hauling him down.

“We can’t help him yet! See if you can see where that machine gun is.”

I took the distant crackling in the forest to be Howie, moving quickly, and then saw the ridge gunner just as he popped up to shoot, and aimed and fired.  The machine gun fire stopped abruptly.  A minute later a volley of shots rang out and after a minute, silence fell.

I could hear my own heart pounding.

A few minutes later, the others returned, holding extra guns and ammo.  “Six of them.  Starving.”  He shook his head.  “There will be others, so we’d better retreat, regroup, and go look for them.”  He kicked the ground.  “Senseless.”

We made our way back slowly and carefully, a different path, just in case they had closed in behind us.  They probably came with the truck, and after it broke down or run out of fuel, set out to find somewhere to camp.  It meant we had to be more careful the next time we left the cave.  It was nearly dark when we returned.

As Elena tumbled past the heavy steel threshold and back into the cool, recycled air of the tunnel, she looked back one last time. It was, for her, mission accomplished.  Life had returned, even if it was one blade of grass.

Outside, the golden sunlight cut relentlessly through the dying sky, illuminating a battlefield of ash, blood, and a single, stubborn blade of green. It was a brutal, beautiful world waiting to be reclaimed—if they could survive the humans who had inherited it first.

…

©  Charles Heath  2026

An excerpt from “Mistaken Identity” – a work in progress

The odds of any one of us having a doppelganger are quite high. Whether or not you got to meet them or be confronted by them was significantly lower. Except, of course, unless you are a celebrity.

It was a phenomenon remarkable only for the fact that, at times, certain high-profile people, notorious or not, had doubles if only to put off enemies or the general public. Sometimes we see people in the street who look like someone we knew and make the mistake of approaching them like a long-lost friend, only to discover an embarrassed individual desperately trying to get away from what they perceive as a stalker, or worse.

And then sometimes it is a picture that looms up on a TV screen, an almost exact likeness of you. At first, you are fascinated, and then, according to the circumstances and narrative that is attached to that picture, either flattered or horrified.

For me, one turned to the other when I saw an almost likeness of me flash up on the screen when I turned the TV on in my room. What looked to be my photo, with only minor differences, was in the corner of the screen, the newsreader speaking in rapid Italian, so fast I could only translate every second or third word.

But the one word I did recognise was murder. The photo of the man on the screen was the subject of an extensive manhunt. The crime, the murder of a woman in the very same hotel I was staying, and it was being played out live several floors above me. The gist of the story, the woman had been seen with and staying with the man who was my double, and, less than an hour ago, the body had been discovered by a chambermaid.

The killer, the announcer said, was believed to be still in the hotel because the woman had died shortly before she had been discovered.

I watched, at first fascinated by what I was seeing. I guess I should have been horrified, but at that moment it didn’t register that I might be mistaken for that man.

Not until another five minutes had passed, and I was watching the police in full riot gear, with a camera crew following behind, coming up a passage towards a room. Live action of the arrest of the suspected killer, the breathless commentator said.

Then, suddenly, there was a pounding on the door. On the TV screen, plain to see, was the number of my room. I looked through the peephole and saw an army of police officers. It didn’t take much to realise what had happened. The hotel staff identified me as the man in the photograph on the TV and called the police.

Horrified wasn’t what I was feeling right then.

It was fear.

My last memory was the door crashing open, the wood splintering, and men rushing into the room, screaming at me, waving guns, and when I put my hands up to defend myself, I heard a gunshot.

And in one very confused and probably near-death experience, I thought I saw my mother and thought what was she doing in Rome?

…

I was the archetypal nobody.

I lived in a small flat, I drove a nondescript car, had an average job in a low-profile travel agency, was single, and currently not involved in a relationship, had no children, and, according to my workmates, no life.

They were wrong. I was one of those people who preferred their own company; I had a cat, and travelled whenever I could. And I did have a ‘thing’ for Rosalie, one of the reasons why I stayed at the travel agency. I didn’t expect anything to come of it, but one could always hope.

I was both pleased and excited to be going to the conference. It was my first, and the glimpse I had seen of it had whetted my appetite for more information about the nuances of my profession.

Some would say that a travel agent wasn’t much of a job, but to me, it was every bit as demanding as being an accountant or a lawyer. You were providing a customer with a service, and arguably, more people needed a travel agent than a lawyer. At least that was what I told myself as I watched more and more people start using the internet, and our relevance slowly dissipating.

This conference was about countering that trend.

The trip over had been uneventful. I was met at the airport and taken to the hotel where the conference was being held with several other delegates who had arrived on the same plane. I had mingled with several other delegates at the pre-conference get-together, including one whose name was Maryanne.

She was an unusual young woman, not the sort that I usually met, because she was the one who was usually surrounded by all the boys, the life of the party. In normal circumstances, I would not have introduced myself to her, but she had approached me. Why did I think that may have been significant? All of this ran through my mind, culminating in the last event on the highlight reel, the door bursting open, men rushing into my room, and then one of the policemen opened fire.

I replayed that last scene again, trying to see the face of my assailant, but it was just a sea of men in battle dress, bulletproof vests and helmets, accompanied by screaming and yelling, some of which I identified as “Get on the floor”.

Then came the shot.

Why ask me to get on the floor if all they were going to do was shoot me? I was putting my hands up at the time, in surrender, not reaching for a weapon.

Then I saw the face again, hovering in the background like a ghost. My mother. Only the hair was different, and her clothes, and then the image was going, perhaps a figment of my imagination brought on by pain-killing drugs. I tried to imagine the scene again, but this time it played out without the image of my mother.

I opened my eyes and took stock of my surroundings. What I felt in that exact moment couldn’t be described. I should most likely be dead, the result of a gunshot wound. I guess I should be thankful the shooter hadn’t aimed at anything vital, but that was the only item on the plus side.

I was in a hospital room with a policeman by the door. He was reading a newspaper and sitting uncomfortably on a small chair. He gave me a quick glance when he heard me move slightly, but didn’t acknowledge me with either a nod or a greeting, just went back to the paper.

If I still had a police guard, then I would still be considered a suspect. What was interesting was that I was not handcuffed to the bed. Perhaps that only happened in TV shows. Or maybe they knew I couldn’t run because my injuries were too serious. Or the guard would shoot me long before my feet hit the floor. I knew the police well enough now to know they would shoot first and ask questions later.

On the physical side, I had a large bandage over the top left corner of my chest, extending over my shoulder. A little poking and prodding determined the bullet had hit somewhere between the top of my rib cage and my shoulder. Nothing vital there, but my arm might be somewhat useless for a while, depending on what the bullet hit on the way in or through.

It didn’t feel like there were any broken or damaged bones.

That was the good news.

On the other side of the ledger, my mental state, there was only one word that could describe it. Terrified. I was looking at a murder charge and jail time, a lot of it. Murder usually had a long time in jail attached to it.

Whatever had happened, I didn’t do it. I know I didn’t do it, but I had to try to explain this to people who had already made up their minds. I searched my mind for evidence. It was there, but in the confused state brought on by the medication, all I could think about was jail, and the sort of company I was going to have.

I think death would have been preferable.

…

Half an hour later, maybe longer, I was drifting in and out of consciousness. A nurse, or what I thought was a nurse, came into the room. The guard stood, checked her ID card, and then stood by the door.

She came over and stood beside the bed. “How are you?” she asked, first in Italian, and when I pretended I didn’t understand, she asked the same question in accented English.

“Alive, I guess,” I said. “No one has come and told me what my condition is yet. You are my first visitor. Can you tell me?”

“Of course. You are very lucky to be alive. You will be fine and make a full recovery. The doctors here are excellent at their work.”

“What happens now?”

“I check you, and then you have another visitor. He is from the British Embassy, I think. But he will have to wait until I have finished my examination.”

I realised then she was a doctor, not a nurse.

…

My second visitor was a man, dressed in a suit, the sort of which I associated with the British Civil Service.  He was not very old, which told me he was probably a recent graduate on his first posting, the junior officer who drew the short straw.

The guard checked his ID but again did not leave the room, sitting back down and going back to his newspaper.

My visitor introduced himself as Alex Jordan from the British Embassy in Rome, and he had been asked by the Ambassador to sort out what he labelled a tricky mess.

For starters, it was good to see that someone cared about what happened to me.  But, equally, I knew the mantra, get into trouble overseas, and there is not much we can do to help you.  So, after that lengthy introduction, I had to wonder why he was here.

I said, “They think I am an international criminal by the name of Jacob Westerbury, whose picture looks just like me, and apparently, for them, it is an open and shut case.”  I could still hear the fragments of the yelling as the police burst through the door, at the same time telling me to get on the floor with my hands over my head.

“It’s not.  They know they’ve got the wrong man, which is why I’m here.  There is the issue of what had been described as excessive force, and the fact that you were shot had made it an all-around embarrassment for them.”

“Then why are you here?  Shouldn’t they be here apologising?”

“That is why you have another visitor.  I only took precedence because I insisted on speaking with you first.  I have come, basically, to ask you for a favour.  This situation has afforded us an opportunity.  We would like you to sign the official document, which basically indemnifies them against any legal proceedings.”

Curious.  What sort of opportunity was he talking about?  Was this a matter that could get difficult and I could be charged by the Italian Government, even if I wasn’t guilty, or was it one of those hush-hush type deals, you do this for us, we’ll help you out with that?  “What sort of opportunity?”

“We want to get our hands on Jacob Westerbury as much as they do.  They’ve made a mistake, and we’d like to use that to get custody of him if or when he is arrested in this country.  I’m sure you would also like this man brought into custody as soon as possible, so you will stop being confused with him.  I can only imagine what it was like to be arrested in the manner you were.  And I would not blame you if you wanted to get some compensation for what they’ve done.  But.  There are bigger issues in play here, and you would be doing this for your country.”

I wondered what would happen if I didn’t agree to his proposal.  I had to ask, “What if I don’t?”

His expression didn’t change.  “I’m sure you are a sensible man, Mr Pargeter, who is more than willing to help his country whenever he can.  They have agreed to take care of all your hospital expenses, refund the cost of the Conference, and travel.  I’m sure I could also get them to pay for a few days at Capri or Sorrento, if you like, before you go home.  What do you say?”

There was only one thing I could say.  Wasn’t it treason if you went against your country’s wishes?

“I’m not an unreasonable man, Alex.  Go do your deal, and I’ll sign the papers.”

“Good man.”

…

After Alex left, the doctor came back to announce the arrival of a woman, who had announced herself as the publicity officer from the Italian police. When she came into the room, she was not dressed in a uniform.

The doctor left after giving a brief report to the civilian at the door. I understood the gist of it: “The patient has recovered excellently, and the wounds are healing as expected. There is no cause for concern.”

That was a relief.

While the doctor was speaking to the civilian, I speculated on who she might be. She was young, not more than thirty, conservatively dressed, so an official of some kind, but not necessarily with the police. Did they have prosecutors? I was unfamiliar with the Italian legal system.

She had long, wavy black hair and the sort of sultry looks of an Italian movie star, and her presence made me more curious than fearful, though I couldn’t say why.

The woman then spoke to the guard, and he reluctantly got up and left the room, closing the door behind him. She checked the door and then came back towards me, standing at the end of the bed. Now alone, she said, “A few questions before we begin.” Her English was only slightly accented. “Your name is Jack Pargeter?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“You are in Rome to attend the Travel Agents Conference at the Hilton Hotel?”

“Yes.”

“You attended a preconference introduction on the evening of the 25th, after arriving from London at approximately 4:25 pm.”

“About that time, yes. I know it was about five when the bus came to collect me, and several others, to take us to the hotel.”

She smiled. It was then that I noticed she was reading from a small notepad.

“It was ten past five to be precise. The driver had been held up in traffic. We have several witnesses who saw you on the plane, on the bus, at the hotel, and with the aid of closed-circuit TV, we have established you are not the criminal Jacob Westerbury.”

She put her notebook back in her bag and then said, “My name is Vicenza Andretti, and I am with the prosecutor’s office. I am here to formally apologise for the situation that can only be described as a case of mistaken identity. I assure you, it is not the habit of our police officers to shoot people unless they have a very strong reason for doing so. I understand that in the confusion of the arrest, one of our officers accidentally discharged his weapon. We are undergoing a very thorough investigation into the circumstances of this event.”

I was not sure why, but between the time I had spoken to the embassy official and now, something about letting them off so easily was bugging me. I could see why they had sent her. It would be difficult to be angry or annoyed with her.

But I was annoyed.

“Do you often send a whole squad of trigger-happy riot police to arrest a single man?” It came out harsher than I intended.

“My men believed they were dealing with a dangerous criminal.”

“Do I look like a dangerous criminal?” And then I realised if it was mistaken identity, the answer would be yes.

She saw the look on my face and said quietly, “I think you know the answer to that question, Mr Pargeter.”

“Well, it was overkill.”

“As I said, we are very sorry for the circumstances you now find yourself in. You must understand that we honestly believed we were dealing with an armed and dangerous murderer, and we were acting within our mandate. My department will cover your medical expenses and any other amounts for the inconvenience this has caused you. I believe you were attending a conference at your hotel. I am very sorry, but given the medical circumstances you have, you will have to remain here for a few more days.”

“I guess, then, I should thank you for not killing me.”

Her expression told me that was not the best thing I could have said in the circumstances.

“I mean, I should thank you for the hospital and the care. But a question or two of my own. May I?”

She nodded.

“Did you catch this Jacob Westerbury character?”

“No. In the confusion created by your arrest, he escaped. Once we realised we had made a mistake and reviewed the closed-circuit TV, we tracked him leaving by a rear exit.”

“Are you sure it was one of your men who shot me?”

I watched as her expression changed to one of surprise.

“You don’t think it was one of my men?”

“Oddly enough, no. But don’t ask me why.”

“It is very interesting that you should say that, because in our initial investigation, it appeared none of our officers’ weapons had been discharged. A forensic investigation into the bullet tells us it was one that is used in our weapons, but…”

I could see their dilemma.

“Have you any enemies that would want to shoot you, Mr Pargeter?”

That was absurd because I had no enemies, at least none that I knew of, much less anyone who would want me dead.

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Then it is strange, and will perhaps remain a mystery. I will let you know if anything more is revealed in our investigation.”

She took an envelope out of her briefcase and opened it, pulling out several sheets of paper.

I knew what it was. A verbal apology was one thing, but a signed waiver would cover them legally. They had sent a pretty girl to charm me. Perhaps using anyone else would not have worked. There was potential for a huge litigation payout here, and someone more ruthless would jump at the chance of making a few million out of the Italian Government.

“We need a signature on this document,” she said.

“Absolving you of any wrongdoing?”

“I have apologised. We will take whatever measures are required for your comfort after this event. We are accepting responsibility for our actions and are being reasonable.”

They were. I took the pen from her and signed the documents.

“You couldn’t add dinner with you on that list of benefits?” No harm in asking.

“I am unfortunately unavailable.”

I smiled. “It wasn’t a request for a date, just dinner. You can tell me about Rome, as only a resident can. Please.”

She looked me up and down, searching for the ulterior motive. When she couldn’t find one, she said, “We shall see once the hospital discharges you in a few days.”

“Then I’ll pencil you in?”

She looked at me quizzically. “What is this pencil me in?”

“It’s an English colloquialism. It means maybe. As when you write something in pencil, it is easy to erase it.”

A momentary frown, then recognition and a smile. “I shall remember that. Thank you for your time and cooperation, Mr Pargeter. Good morning.”

…

© Charles Heath 2015-2021