365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 196

Day 196 – Solving writing problems

…

The Ultimate Writing Hack? Why Carl Reiner’s “Driving and Talking” Method Works (And How to Use It)

Picture this: Legend of comedy Carl Reiner is behind the wheel, cruising down the highway, carrying on a hilarious, animated conversation with… absolutely no one.

To a passing driver, he might look like he’s lost his marbles. But to the creative genius behind The Dick Van Dyke Show and The 2000 Year Old Man, he was hard at work. Reiner famously relied on a peculiar yet powerful writing technique to solve his thorniest narrative problems: driving around and talking out loud to himself.

It sounds eccentric. But is it actually a viable method for tackling writer’s block, structuring plots, and developing dialogue? And more importantly—will it work for you?

Let’s pull back the hood on this unconventional writing strategy, explore the science behind why it works, and look at how you can apply it to your own writing process.


The Carl Reiner Method: How a Legend Solved Story Problems

Carl Reiner wasn’t just a writer; he was a master of comedic timing and narrative pacing. But even comedy legends hit walls. When a scene felt flat, a joke lacked punch, or a plot point refused to click, Reiner didn’t just stare blankly at a blinking cursor. He got in his car.

In the car, free from the physical constraints of a desk and the glaring pressure of a blank page, Reiner would talk to himself. He would pitch lines, argue both sides of an argument, act out character reactions, and narrate action sequences out loud. By the time he got back home, the problem was usually solved.

He wasn’t alone in this. Countless creators, from novelists to screenwriters, swear by the power of vocalisation. But why is a method usually reserved for eccentric commuters actually a goldmine for productivity?


The Science of Out-Loud Thinking: Why Talking to Yourself Cures Writer’s Block

It turns out that talking to yourself in a moving vehicle isn’t just a quirky habit—it’s a neurological cheat code. Here is why the Reiner method is so effective:

1. It Engages the Auditory Loop

When we write, our internal monologue moves fast—often too fast. We skip over logic gaps because our brains instinctively fill in what we mean to say, rather than what is actually on the page.

When you speak your ideas out loud, you force your brain to process them through the auditory loop. Hearing your words in real-time allows you to immediately catch clunky dialogue, pacing issues, and tonal inconsistencies. If a sentence makes you stumble while saying it aloud, your reader is going to stumble over it, too.

2. The Cognitive Offloading of Driving

Why do our best ideas happen in the shower, on a walk, or behind the wheel? Psychologists call this cognitive offloading.

Driving is a largely procedural task that requires just enough low-level brainpower to keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road. This occupies the part of your brain prone to overthinking and anxiety (the default mode network), leaving your subconscious mind free to make wild, creative connections.

3. Activating Performance and Persona

Writing can feel sterile. Sitting at a keyboard is a sedentary, introverted act.

Speaking aloud, however, is a performance. When you talk out loud as your characters, you step into their shoes. You feel the cadence of their speech, the heat of their anger, or the charm of their wit. It shifts your brain from “analyst mode” to “storyteller mode.”


Will It Work for You? (Pros and Cons)

While this method worked wonders for Carl Reiner, every writer’s brain is wired differently. Let’s weigh the benefits and potential drawbacks.

The Pros:

  • Instant Dialogue Polish: Hearing words spoken aloud is the ultimate litmus test for natural-sounding dialogue.
  • Beats Writer’s Block: Movement and vocalisation break the hypnotic, paralysing trance of staring at a blank screen.
  • Multitasking Creativity: You are turning “dead time” (commuting, running errands) into productive ideation time.

The Cons:

  • Distraction Risks: Safety first! If talking through a complex plot point causes you to miss your exit or run a red light, pull over.
  • Transcription Friction: Unlike typing, you can’t easily capture spontaneous brilliance unless you have a voice recorder running (more on that later).
  • Self-Consciousness: If you live in a dense urban area or drive a convertible, you might feel a bit silly yelling at your dashboard.

How to Adapt the Reiner Method for Your Writing Routine

You don’t need to lease a luxury sedan to reap the benefits of Carl Reiner’s favourite writing hack. Here is how you can integrate the “drive and talk” method into your workflow—safely and effectively:

1. Use the “Voice Memo” Safety Net

Never try to rely on memory alone. Before you put the car in drive, open a voice-recording app on your phone (or use a dedicated dictaphone) and mount it securely. Treat your car like a mobile podcast studio. Ramble, argue, pitch, and brainstorm freely, knowing it’s all being captured.

2. Go with a Prompt or Problem

Don’t just get in the car and hope for inspiration. Define your mission before you turn the ignition. For example: “How do I get Character A from the diner to the crime scene without it feeling forced?” or “Let’s workshop the argument between the spouses in Chapter 4.” Give your subconscious a specific target.

3. Roleplay Both Sides

Reiner was famous for playing multiple parts. If you are struggling with a scene between two characters, play both of them. Switch your pitch, adopt different accents, and let them have a verbal sparring match. You’ll often find that the characters will organically steer the scene in a direction you hadn’t planned—and that direction is usually the right one.

4. No Car? No Problem (The “Walk and Talk”)

If you don’t drive, don’t worry. The principle remains the same: movement plus vocalisation. Pop in some wireless earbuds, turn on your voice recorder app, and go for a brisk walk around your neighbourhood. (Bonus: Walking outdoors is also scientifically proven to boost creative output).


The Verdict: Give Your Writing a Voice

Carl Reiner proved that great comedy—and great writing in general—isn’t always born in absolute silence. Sometimes, it’s forged at 45 miles per hour, fueled by caffeine, road signs, and a writer talking animatedly to themselves.

If you are feeling stuck on a plot hole or your dialogue is feeling wooden, stop staring at the screen. Step away from the desk, grab your voice recorder, and take a drive. Your inner Carl Reiner is waiting to take the wheel.


Have you ever tried talking out loud to solve a creative problem? Let us know your favourite unconventional writing hacks in the comments below!

…

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 196

Day 196 – Solving writing problems

…

The Ultimate Writing Hack? Why Carl Reiner’s “Driving and Talking” Method Works (And How to Use It)

Picture this: Legend of comedy Carl Reiner is behind the wheel, cruising down the highway, carrying on a hilarious, animated conversation with… absolutely no one.

To a passing driver, he might look like he’s lost his marbles. But to the creative genius behind The Dick Van Dyke Show and The 2000 Year Old Man, he was hard at work. Reiner famously relied on a peculiar yet powerful writing technique to solve his thorniest narrative problems: driving around and talking out loud to himself.

It sounds eccentric. But is it actually a viable method for tackling writer’s block, structuring plots, and developing dialogue? And more importantly—will it work for you?

Let’s pull back the hood on this unconventional writing strategy, explore the science behind why it works, and look at how you can apply it to your own writing process.


The Carl Reiner Method: How a Legend Solved Story Problems

Carl Reiner wasn’t just a writer; he was a master of comedic timing and narrative pacing. But even comedy legends hit walls. When a scene felt flat, a joke lacked punch, or a plot point refused to click, Reiner didn’t just stare blankly at a blinking cursor. He got in his car.

In the car, free from the physical constraints of a desk and the glaring pressure of a blank page, Reiner would talk to himself. He would pitch lines, argue both sides of an argument, act out character reactions, and narrate action sequences out loud. By the time he got back home, the problem was usually solved.

He wasn’t alone in this. Countless creators, from novelists to screenwriters, swear by the power of vocalisation. But why is a method usually reserved for eccentric commuters actually a goldmine for productivity?


The Science of Out-Loud Thinking: Why Talking to Yourself Cures Writer’s Block

It turns out that talking to yourself in a moving vehicle isn’t just a quirky habit—it’s a neurological cheat code. Here is why the Reiner method is so effective:

1. It Engages the Auditory Loop

When we write, our internal monologue moves fast—often too fast. We skip over logic gaps because our brains instinctively fill in what we mean to say, rather than what is actually on the page.

When you speak your ideas out loud, you force your brain to process them through the auditory loop. Hearing your words in real-time allows you to immediately catch clunky dialogue, pacing issues, and tonal inconsistencies. If a sentence makes you stumble while saying it aloud, your reader is going to stumble over it, too.

2. The Cognitive Offloading of Driving

Why do our best ideas happen in the shower, on a walk, or behind the wheel? Psychologists call this cognitive offloading.

Driving is a largely procedural task that requires just enough low-level brainpower to keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road. This occupies the part of your brain prone to overthinking and anxiety (the default mode network), leaving your subconscious mind free to make wild, creative connections.

3. Activating Performance and Persona

Writing can feel sterile. Sitting at a keyboard is a sedentary, introverted act.

Speaking aloud, however, is a performance. When you talk out loud as your characters, you step into their shoes. You feel the cadence of their speech, the heat of their anger, or the charm of their wit. It shifts your brain from “analyst mode” to “storyteller mode.”


Will It Work for You? (Pros and Cons)

While this method worked wonders for Carl Reiner, every writer’s brain is wired differently. Let’s weigh the benefits and potential drawbacks.

The Pros:

  • Instant Dialogue Polish: Hearing words spoken aloud is the ultimate litmus test for natural-sounding dialogue.
  • Beats Writer’s Block: Movement and vocalisation break the hypnotic, paralysing trance of staring at a blank screen.
  • Multitasking Creativity: You are turning “dead time” (commuting, running errands) into productive ideation time.

The Cons:

  • Distraction Risks: Safety first! If talking through a complex plot point causes you to miss your exit or run a red light, pull over.
  • Transcription Friction: Unlike typing, you can’t easily capture spontaneous brilliance unless you have a voice recorder running (more on that later).
  • Self-Consciousness: If you live in a dense urban area or drive a convertible, you might feel a bit silly yelling at your dashboard.

How to Adapt the Reiner Method for Your Writing Routine

You don’t need to lease a luxury sedan to reap the benefits of Carl Reiner’s favourite writing hack. Here is how you can integrate the “drive and talk” method into your workflow—safely and effectively:

1. Use the “Voice Memo” Safety Net

Never try to rely on memory alone. Before you put the car in drive, open a voice-recording app on your phone (or use a dedicated dictaphone) and mount it securely. Treat your car like a mobile podcast studio. Ramble, argue, pitch, and brainstorm freely, knowing it’s all being captured.

2. Go with a Prompt or Problem

Don’t just get in the car and hope for inspiration. Define your mission before you turn the ignition. For example: “How do I get Character A from the diner to the crime scene without it feeling forced?” or “Let’s workshop the argument between the spouses in Chapter 4.” Give your subconscious a specific target.

3. Roleplay Both Sides

Reiner was famous for playing multiple parts. If you are struggling with a scene between two characters, play both of them. Switch your pitch, adopt different accents, and let them have a verbal sparring match. You’ll often find that the characters will organically steer the scene in a direction you hadn’t planned—and that direction is usually the right one.

4. No Car? No Problem (The “Walk and Talk”)

If you don’t drive, don’t worry. The principle remains the same: movement plus vocalisation. Pop in some wireless earbuds, turn on your voice recorder app, and go for a brisk walk around your neighbourhood. (Bonus: Walking outdoors is also scientifically proven to boost creative output).


The Verdict: Give Your Writing a Voice

Carl Reiner proved that great comedy—and great writing in general—isn’t always born in absolute silence. Sometimes, it’s forged at 45 miles per hour, fueled by caffeine, road signs, and a writer talking animatedly to themselves.

If you are feeling stuck on a plot hole or your dialogue is feeling wooden, stop staring at the screen. Step away from the desk, grab your voice recorder, and take a drive. Your inner Carl Reiner is waiting to take the wheel.


Have you ever tried talking out loud to solve a creative problem? Let us know your favourite unconventional writing hacks in the comments below!

…

First Dig Two Graves

A sequel to “The Devil You Don’t”

…

Revenge is a dish best served cold – or preferably so when everything goes right

Of course, it rarely does, as Alistair, Zoe’s handler, discovers to his peril. Enter a wildcard, John, and whatever Alistair’s plan for dealing with Zoe was dies with him.

It leaves Zoe in completely unfamiliar territory.

…

John’s idyllic romance with a woman who is utterly out of his comfort zone is on borrowed time. She is still trying to reconcile her ambivalence after being so indifferent for so long.

They agree to take a break, during which she disappears. John, thinking she has left without saying goodbye, refuses to accept the inevitable and calls on an old friend for help in finding her.

After the mayhem and being briefly reunited, she recognises an inevitable truth: there is a price to pay for taking out Alistair; she must leave and find them first, and he would be wise to keep a low profile.

But keeping a low profile just isn’t possible, and enlisting another friend, a private detective and his sister, a deft computer hacker, they track her to the border between Austria and Hungary.

What John doesn’t realise is that another enemy is tracking him to find her too. It could have been a grand tour of Europe. Instead, it becomes a race against time before enemies old and new converge for what will be an inevitable showdown.

What I learned about writing – What we give up to write

The Unnecessary Sacrifices: What We Really Give Up To Pursue Our Trade

The narrative of the struggling artisan is deeply ingrained in our culture. The solitary writer fueled by instant coffee, the entrepreneur sleeping on their office floor, the painter eating cold beans for dinner—we romanticise the idea that true devotion requires extreme hardship.

We constantly ask ourselves: What must I tell myself I can do without in order to ply my trade?

This line of questioning often leads us to scrutinise the basic necessities of life. Do we cut food? Do we wear patched clothes? Do we forgo self-care?

The truth, however, is far more subtle and far more strategic. If your trade is a marathon, sacrificing your fuel (physical, intellectual, or emotional) is not devotion—it’s self-sabotage. To thrive, we must learn the difference between necessary austerity and counterproductive deprivation.

Here is a professional perspective on what is truly shed when we commit to our craft, and what must absolutely be protected.


1. Shedding the Myth of Monetary Deprivation

The common wisdom suggests we must sacrifice the big three: food, clothes, and looking good.

If we are being honest, very few successful professionals or skilled tradespeople literally starve themselves or wear rags. What we sacrifice isn’t the necessity itself, but the performative consumption surrounding it.

Food: Quality Over Spectacle

We don’t give up food; we give up time-consuming dining experiences and expensive ingredients that don’t increase our productivity.

The sacrifice is the elaborate lunch hour, the $15 artisanal coffee every morning, or the weekend spent trying complicated new recipes. We trade the gourmet for the pragmatic, optimising our diet for consistent energy and focus. The decision isn’t “Should I eat?” it’s “Does this meal purchase me another hour of high-quality work?”

Clothes and Appearance: Utility Over Status

The sacrifice here is not looking presentable; it is the need to impress onlookers and the time spent shopping for trends.

The dedicated professional often adopts a uniform—a set of clothes that are comfortable, reliable, and require zero decision-making energy in the morning (the classic example of Steve Jobs’ turtlenecks or Mark Zuckerberg’s grey t-shirts). This is a strategic sacrifice of bandwidth. We give up the mental effort of fashion tracking and external validation so that our finite focus can be diverted entirely to the work itself.


2. Protecting the Intellectual Engine

The most dangerous question posed by the hustle culture mindset is whether we must give up books and writing to survive.

For the modern professional—be they a coder, a writer, a consultant, or a marketer—these are not luxuries; they are fundamental operating costs.

If your trade requires cognitive skill, problem-solving, or communication, sacrificing these inputs is akin to a carpenter giving up their hammer.

Books and Reading: Fueling the Engine

We cannot afford to stop learning. When we are deep in the trenches of a trade, reading books—whether they are technical manuals, industry reports, or even great fiction—is the only way to fill the well of knowledge needed to stay competitive.

The real sacrifice is often mindless entertainment: binge-watching television that contributes nothing to our professional growth, or endlessly scrolling validated social media feeds. We trade passive consumption for active learning.

Writing: Sharpening the Tool

Whether you write code, marketing copy, or detailed client briefs, writing is how we clarify thought, document processes, and communicate value. Giving up personal writing, journaling, or even drafting non-work-related essays inhibits our ability to structure complex ideas.

The sacrifice is not the act of writing; it is the expectation of perfectionism in every draft. We sacrifice the time spent trying to make the first sentence flawless so that we can get the crucial idea down quickly and move forward.


3. The True Sacrifices: Time, Comfort, and Bandwidth

When we are truly committed to a trade, the things that disappear are not our fundamental needs, but the luxurious buffers we previously relied upon. These are the real opportunity costs:

1. The Buffer of Time

The biggest sacrifice is spontaneity and unstructured time.

If you are serious about your craft, your schedule becomes deliberately rigid. You sacrifice the freedom to say “yes” to every last-minute social invitation, because that time has already been allocated to deep work, administration, or necessary rest. This is often misunderstood as anti-social behaviour, but it is actually the strategic protection of your workflow.

2. The Comfort of Stability

The trade requires a willingness to live closer to the edge of failure. You sacrifice the comfort of guaranteed outcomes.

Every new project, every pitch, every innovative attempt carries a genuine risk of falling short. This trade demands emotional resilience and the sacrifice of the secure, predictable path for one that offers significant growth but zero guarantees.

3. The Need for External Validation

Finally, we sacrifice the energy spent chasing approval.

When you are intensely focused on the quality of your output, you stop trying to manage the fickle opinions of others. This is where the sacrifice of “looking good” truly comes into play—not physically, but professionally. We stop sacrificing genuine progress for the sake of public performance.


The Wise Exchange

The commitment to a trade is not a vow of destitution; it is a vow of strategic alignment.

The professional does not ask, “What must I suffer through?” but rather, “What non-essential things are draining the time, energy, and resources I need to excel?”

Stop sacrificing your intellectual fuel (books, learning) and your physical fuel (health, decent food). Instead, identify and eliminate the silent drains: the distraction, the excessive consumerism, the need for immediate gratification, and the fear of saying “no.”

Ply your trade, but do so from a position of strength, not starvation. Sacrifice wisely, or risk burning out before the real work ever begins.

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 195

Day 195 – Writing exercise

…

It was hard, very hard, to stand at the altar and find the words that could adequately describe how much he missed Catherine, or explain in simple words how much she had meant to him.

These days relationships and marriages were throwaway items, something you jump into and out of as easily as getting on and off a boat.

It was a dilemma that had been haunting him since the priest had told him he should prepare some words to remember her in a way everyone would understand.

The thing was, not everyone did.  Certainly not her brother and two sisters. Certainly not her parents; they simply didn’t understand who she was and didn’t try.  They had three other children to bend to their will.

Certainly not my parents, of similar practical ilk as hers, and didn’t understand my choice.  My younger sister did; they were friends, soul mates for life, and her sudden death had affected her as much as it had me.

But to find words that made her relatable?  That was going to take a collaborative effort, simply because she was ‘artistic’.

There were various ways of interpreting artistic, most ending up on a scrapheap of misunderstandings that usually generated into misguided insults.

When I first met her I did the same.  I had not yet broken free of what she called the shackles of formalism.  It was a polite way of saying I was trying to conform to my parents’ ideal person.

Hard working, university educated as a doctor or lawyer, certainly a professional, and ideally working in the family business.  My father was a lawyer; his father was; my brothers were.  Then, my mother was a doctor, and my sister was meant to be, but she, like myself, fell off that wagon before it was too late, and we became autonomous.

My parents blamed Catherine for that.

But that took a while.  I had yet to meet her and go through the hardest year of my life.

…

I was studying law at the same university my great-grandparents and my brothers attended.  We Berkeley’s were well known, even famous, given that Berkeley’s featured everywhere in the walls and the fabric of university lore.

I, like my brothers, had very big shoes to fill, and when you are a so-so student not gifted with instant recall and a photographic memory, law really is a struggle.

Catherine was there doing art history or archaeology or some esoteric degree that to me seemed more fun than gritty learning.  She stood out because of her manner, the way she dressed, and the fact that every day she was like a ray of sunshine.

The first time I met her was in the library.  I was trying to study for a difficult exam that I had to pass, or I would be spending my summer holidays locked in a tutorial instead of going on the family holiday in Capri.

I knew I wasn’t going to make it.

That day I was searching for a law volume, and she was up a ladder and dropped a book on my head.  She said it slipped out of her hand.

It hit me in just the spot where it briefly knocked me out cold.  A book.  I couldn’t believe it.

Anyway, when I woke up, I was in a medical room lying on a cot with a doctor looking concerned, and Catherine, though I didn’t know her name then, hovering at the end of the cot, hoping, she said later, she hadn’t killed me.

The doctor asked me if I knew where I was, loosely translated to ‘at the university ‘, and what day it was, ‘the worst day of my life ‘, and what happened to me, ‘God was answering my prayer to kill me now before I failed the exam and went straight to hell’.

I think there were tears because my head really hurt, so he recommended painkillers and bed rest.  The nurse was very unsympathetic.  Catherine was contrite.

She sat down beside the cot and held my hand.

I’d seen her many times, always from afar.  I was not in her classes nor did I have a reason to be in her friend group.  Why she had stayed was unexplainable.  I had survived; her obligation was over.  I didn’t blame her for anything.  It could have happened to anyone.

She opened with, “I’m so sorry. Things like that just happen to me.”

“Dripping books of heads?”

“Books, spilling drinks and food, bumping into things.  People say I’m in a different world.”

“Are you?”

She smiled.  “Most of the time I see the world differently.  It’s the same as everyone else.  I just see only the good things.”

“How?”

“Take your accident.  It brought us together.  That’s a good thing.  Unless you’re an axe murderer.”

“They don’t let me bring my axe to school.”

She gave me a strange look, then smiled again.  “You have a sense of humour.  That will never work if you’re going to be a lawyer.”

“How do you know…”

“You look like your brother Aloysius.  I hope you’re not like him.  He keeps asking me out, but it’s only to settle a bet.  He’s basically horrible.  I’m sorry, but that’s how I see him.”

She was right, of course; he was.  And I knew about him and his university friends.  They had no respect for women, a trait handed down from their father.  Mine too, but that part missed me.  He called me ambivalent, a traitor as wild as my red hair.

He stopped short of saying I wasn’t his son, especially when my mother was not around.  Curiously, I never suspected her of having affairs, not like him in his quest to stay relevant and young, a battle he was losing as he got older.

“I hate to say it, but I agree with you.  I’ll be happy to kick his ass if he tries too hard, if you like.  It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“You’d do that for me, even after I tried to kill you.”

“I think it was the law trying to kill me.  It was sending me a message.  You just happened to be nearby.”

“Now you’re being too nice.”  She stood.  “You seem to be alright, so I’ll leave you to contemplate the hidden meaning behind the attack of the book.  Maybe I’ll see you around.”

Probably not.  We moved in completely different circles, and I was not the sort of person that fitted into her friend group.

“Maybe.  I could get delayed amnesia, and forget you.”

“You could, but I am unforgettable.”  That said, she left.

I didn’t expect to see her again, except from afar.  Somehow that made me feel sad.

. .

Some people stay in your mind for a variety of reasons.  Catherine stayed in mine simply because she was different, in a way that made her, as she said, unforgettable.

But toiling with the vicissitudes of the law took my mind off everything as I battled to get my head above water.  Law just wasn’t my thing.

Later that year, when I was seriously contemplating leaving university and going home to face the music, I wandered into the cafe looking for a cup of strong black coffee.

That’s when I saw her again, sitting with two other girls who no doubt were in her classes.  What bothered me was that my brother was talking to her.

Well, not talking to her as such, it looked to me like he was being an ass.  Again.

I stood on the doorway for a fraction too long, causing a hold-up that drew comment and her attention.

Just what I didn’t want.

I was going to leave, but she saw me and waved.  My brother turned to see who she was waving at, and that sealed my fate.

The last thing I wanted to do was confront him.  He was condescending at best and abrasive at worst when I wandered into his line of sight.

It was a shame I had to go to the same school as he did.

Fate sealed, I wandered over.

She was more interested in me than him.  He glared at me, “What are you doing here?”

“Getting coffee, though something stronger would be better.  What are you doing?  Harassing the female students in your usual manner?”

If her plan was to put us against each other, it might just work.  I was in a bad mood, and he was just the person to take it out on.

“Just go away and get whatever it is you came for.”

She looked at me, and I think she could see I was spoiling for a fight.  Maybe she wanted to throw some duel on the fire.

“Your brother is being a pain.”

“No.  My brother wanted to win a bet that he can get you to go out with him.  Put him out of his misery, and as a gentleman he will go away and not bother you again “

I looked at him.  “Not that you know what a gentleman really is.  Perhaps I should have a quiet word to Margaret and tell her you’re still sowing those wild cats Dad keeps banging on about.”

“You should be minding your own business.”

“Your misbehaving is my business.  I’m protecting the family name while you seem to think besmirching it is fine.”

“Go away, Steven.  Or else.”

“Or else what?”

“You don’t want to know.”

He was bigger and meaner than me, a member of the rugby team.  I’d seen what he could do when he took his temper out on Jeffery, our middle brother.

I was no match in size and weight, but he had no finesse.

I looked back at her.  “You want this jackass to leave you alone?”

“He doesn’t understand the word no.”

“Not when money is involved.”  I looked at him.  “You and me, the gym.  I win, you leave alone.”

“And if I win,” he said, grinning.

“You won’t.”

He looked me up and down, evaluating his chances.  They were good.  Probably better than good.

“Done.  6 pm.  You really are that stupid.”

Perhaps I was, but one thing I knew in that moment.  I was going to take my temper and all the bad stuff about law I hated on him.

…

“You really shouldn’t be doing this,” Catherine said.  She had decided to come with me to the gym to watch the epic battle.

She didn’t portray it as two fools fighting over a girl who wanted nothing to do with either of them.  She wanted to believe I was defending her honour.

That might have been the case if it was 1780, or a page out of a Jane Austen novel. 

The truth was I hated him.  He was the favourite; everything came easy for him.  Law studies were easy, rugby was easy, dating any girl he wanted was easy.

I just wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.

In reality, I was going to get pounded into the middle of next week.

And I think she knew that my gesture was just that, one that I hadn’t thought through.  She had already told me I didn’t have to go through with it. 

I said it was about time I stuck up for myself instead of living in his shadow.  This was sibling rivalry, and she was just an excuse I was using to justify my actions.

Yet she did go off after telling me I was being stupid, or that she didn’t appreciate me making a fool of myself on her behalf.  I think I was offended at her lack of faith.

When I got there, about five minutes before the event, there was a crowd of about two hundred.  Friends of his, and people who had learned there was going to be a fight.

A civilised fight.

He was dressed for the occasion, in fact, the whole boxing thing, and it didn’t surprise me he was into sparring.  I had been taking lessons, but the odds of any of it sticking in my brain were slight.

“Go change.  We do this properly.”

I shrugged, then climbed into the ring.  One of the gym staff came over with gloves and a helmet and helped me put both on.

Then he read the riot act, as much to say this was going to be by the book and no underhanded punching and clinging.  There was more, but I wasn’t listening.  I was trying to remember what my instructor had told me.

We took our corners.

The gym instructor stood in the middle.  Someone clanged the bell, and it was on.

I watched him circle, fists pumping like pistons, throwing out exploratory jabs as he circled.  Perhaps he thought it would make me dizzy watching him.

Then he came at me, trying to land a punch on the way past.  I saw the move and moved out of the way, and landed a punch to his upper arm that elicited a grunt.

And an expression changed.  Perhaps I might take a little effort on his part.

More circling, more punches, one of which rattled me, but not unduly so.  I had lowered my guard.

Then he came at me.  Perhaps he thought he had me at a disadvantage.  He landed one, but while he was doing that, he left himself exposed, and I lashed out with all the force I could muster.

Thwack. That’s what it sounded like.  Clean, hard, and right on the money.

He crumpled, collapsing to the floor and then didn’t move.  The gym instructor was beside him checking the damage.

It wasn’t much.  I had caught him flush, and it knocked him out.  A few seconds later he was awake, realised what had happened and tried to get up.  His legs could not support the weight, and he had to stay down.

But the fight was over.

I stood there and looked down at him.  There was a vacant stare behind those eyes of his.  Stunned perhaps at the idea that I could beat him.

“You win,” he said. “No hard feelings.”

Pity.  I wanted to pound him some more. Instead I just shrugged and took off the gloves.  By the time I got out of the ring, my brother was back on his feet.  He would survive.

The crowd had dispersed.

Catherine was still there, sitting on a seat by the wall well away from the ring.

“Did you win?”

“Of course.  What were you expecting?”

“Taking you to hospital in an ambulance.  It seems to me the only time we spend together is me taking you to random medical facilities “

“Well, you don’t have to.  He won’t be annoying you again.”

“What about you?”

“I won’t be annoying you at all.”

“What if I want to be annoyed by you?”

“I wouldn’t believe you.  I’m not your sort.”

“How do you know what my sort is?”

“It would not be a deadly dull law graduate.  You have too much life in you to be dragged backwards by a dour person like me.”

I had no idea how or why this conversation was going, other than it shouldn’t.  We were opposites that in a normal world would never meet.

“OK.  Take me to dinner.  If by the end of it I judge you to be too dour, we’ll call it off.  But what you just did, no one has ever done for me before.  That’s not dour.”

“No.  It was bloody stupid.”

“Calculated, yes; stupid, no.  You knew you could beat him.”

“I knew the odds were in my favour.  But fights like that are unpredictable.  I could have got hurt.”

“Then I would have taken you to hospital and got you patched up.  Then I would tell you how remarkable I think you are.  You should never be the person other people want you to be, but the person you want to.  He’s in there,” she touched my heart, which coincidentally was beating rather faster than normal, “and we’ll find him.”

“Dinner?”

“A posh restaurant.  Impress me.  I can be impressed.”

Then she took my hand in hers, and she stood.

I knew then that she was the one, the only one for me; and that I was never going to be a lawyer

…

I was standing behind the priest who had just delivered a remarkable eulogy, one that encapsulated her life, her manner, and her influence over the world at large.

It was meant to light up what a very sad day was, and it did.  I remembered her, not only from the first day I met her, but through that amazing dinner date at her so-called posh restaurant, to the day I asked her to marry me and she said yes.

What could I say that could ever tell anyone what I had and what I’d lost?

I could not.

But given the chance to get back at my brother, well, there was a wealth of stories right there.

I looked out over the crowd, all sitting and expecting something witty.

“Everyone knew Catherine, and unfortunately for some, Catherine knew them.  I remember her speech at the wedding.  As progressive as we were, she took us all by surprise…

“Some more than others…

Quite a few of those before me were there.  It was the first inkling they got that she was not afraid to speak her mind or trample on egos.

I was not going to remind them, but it led into more humorous memories, and it got the conversation going.  We remembered, we laughed, and how we laughed, until we cried.  She had that effect on each and every one of us.

And yes, as I spoke, I knew she was standing next to me, slipping her hand in mine and squeezing it gently, just to let me know I was not, and never would be, alone.

…

©  Charles Heath  2026

Another excerpt from ‘Betrayal’; a work in progress

…

My next destination in the quest was the hotel we believed Anne Merriweather had stayed at.

I was, in a sense, flying blind because we had no concrete evidence she had been there, and the message she had left behind didn’t quite name the hotel or where Vladimir was going to take her.

Mindful of the fact that someone might have been following me, I checked to see if the person I’d assumed had followed me to Elizabeth’s apartment was still in place, but I couldn’t see him. Next, I made a mental note of seven different candidates and committed them to memory.

Then I set off to the hotel, hailing a taxi. There was the possibility that the cab driver was one of them, but perhaps I was slightly more paranoid than I should be. I’d been watching the queue, and there were two others before me.

The journey took about an hour, during which time I kept an eye out the back to see if anyone had been following us. If anyone was, I couldn’t see them.

I had the cab drop me off a block from the hotel and then spent the next hour doing a complete circuit of the block the hotel was on, checking the front and rear entrances, the cameras in place, and the siting of the driveway into the underground carpark. There was a camera over the entrance, and one we hadn’t checked for footage. I sent a text message to Fritz to look into it.

The hotel lobby was large and busy, which was exactly what you’d want if you wanted to come and go without standing out. It would be different later at night, but I could see her arriving about mid-afternoon, and anonymous among the clientele the hotel attracted.

I spent an hour sitting in various positions in the lobby simply observing. I had already ascertained where the elevator lobby for the rooms was, and the elevator down to the car park. Fortunately, it was not ‘guarded’, but there was a steady stream of concierge staff coming and going to the lower levels, and, just from time to time, guests.

Then, when there was a commotion at the front door, what seemed to be a collision of guests and free-wheeling bags, I saw one of the seven potential taggers sitting by the front door. Waiting for me to leave? Or were they wondering why I was spending so much time there?

Taking advantage of that confusion, I picked my moment to head for the elevators that went down to the car park, pressed the down button, and waited.

There was no car on the ground level, so I had to wait, watching, like several others, the guests untangling themselves at the entrance, and keeping an eye on my potential surveillance, still absorbed in the confusion.

The doors to the left car opened, and a concierge stepped out, gave me a quick look, then headed back to his desk. I stepped into the car, pressed the first level down, the level I expected cars to arrive on, and waited what seemed like a long time for the doors to close.

As they did, I was expecting to see a hand poke through the gap, a latecomer. Nothing happened, and I put it down to a television moment.

There were three basement levels, and for a moment, I let my imagination run wild and considered the possibility that there were more levels. Of course, there was no indication on the control panel that there were any other floors, and I’d yet to see anything like it in reality.

With a shake of my head to return to reality, the car arrived, the doors opened, and I stepped out.

A car pulled up, and the driver stepped out, went around to the rear of his car, and pulled out a case. I half expected him to throw me the keys, but the instant glance he gave me told him he was not the concierge, and instead he brushed past me like I wasn’t there.

He bashed the up button several times impatiently and cursed when the doors didn’t open immediately. Not a happy man.

Another car drove past on its way down to a lower level.

I looked up and saw the CCTV camera, pointing towards the entrance, visible in the distance. A gate that lifted up was just about back in position, then clunked when it finally closed. The footage from the camera would not prove much, even if it had been working, because it didn’t cover the lift lobby, only what was in the direction of the car entrance.

The doors to the other elevator car opened, and a man in a suit stepped out.

“Can I help you, sir? You seem lost.”

Security, or something else. “It seems that way. I went to the elevator lobby, got in, and it went down rather than up. I must have been in the wrong place.”

“Lost it is, then, sir.” I could hear the contempt for Americans in his tone. “If you will accompany me, please.”

He put out a hand ready to guide me back into the elevator. I was only too happy to oblige him. There had been a sign near the button panel that said the basement levels were only to be accessed by the guests.

Once inside, he turned a key and pressed the lobby button. The doors closed, and we went up. He stood, facing the door, not speaking. A few seconds later, he was ushering me out to the lobby.

“Now, sir, if you are a guest…”

“Actually, I’m looking for one. She called me and said she would be staying in this hotel and to come down and visit her. I was trying to get to the sixth floor.”

“Good. Let’s go over to the desk and see what we can do for you.”

I followed him over to the reception desk, where he signalled one of the clerks, a young woman who looked and acted very efficiently, and told her of my request, but then remained to oversee the proceeding.

“Name of guest, sir?”

“Merriweather, Anne. I’m her brother, Alexander.” I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out my passport to prove that I was who I said I was. She glanced cursorily at it.

She typed the name into the computer, and then we waited a few seconds while it considered what to output. Then, she said, “That lady is not in the hotel, sir.”

Time to put on my best-confused look. “But she said she would be staying here for the week. I made a special trip to come here to see her.”

Another puzzled look from the clerk, then, “When did she call you?”

An interesting question to ask, and it set off a warning bell in my head. I couldn’t say today, it would have to be the day she was supposedly taken.

“Last Saturday, about four in the afternoon.”

Another look at the screen, then, “It appears she checked out Sunday morning. I’m afraid you have made a trip in vain.”

Indeed, I had. “Was she staying with anyone?”

I just managed to see the warning pass from the suited man to the clerk. I thought he had shown an interest when I mentioned the name, and now I had confirmation. He knew something about her disappearance. The trouble was, he wasn’t going to volunteer any information because he was more than just hotel security.

“No.”

“Odd,” I muttered. “I thought she told me she was staying with a man named Vladimir something or other. I’m not too good at pronouncing those Russian names. Are you sure?”

She didn’t look back at the screen. “Yes.”

“OK, now one thing I do know about staying in hotels is that you are required to ask guests with foreign passports their next destination, just in case they need to be found. Did she say where she was going next?” It was a long shot, but I thought I’d ask.

“Moscow. As I understand it, she lives in Moscow. That was the only address she gave us.”

I smiled. “Thank you. I know where that is. I probably should have gone there first.”

She didn’t answer; she didn’t have to, her expression did that perfectly.

The suited man spoke again, looking at the clerk. “Thank you.” He swivelled back to me. “I’m sorry we can’t help you.”

“No. You have more than you can know.”

“What was your name again, sir, just in case you still cannot find her?”

“Alexander Merriweather. Her brother. And if she is still missing, I will be posting a very large reward. At the moment, you can best contact me via the American Embassy.”

Money is always a great motivator, and that thoughtful expression on his face suggested he gave a moment’s thought to it.

I left him with that offer and left. If anything, the people who were holding her would know she had a brother, that her brother was looking for her, and equally that brother had money.

…

© Charles Heath – 2018-2025

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 195

Day 195 – Writing exercise

…

It was hard, very hard, to stand at the altar and find the words that could adequately describe how much he missed Catherine, or explain in simple words how much she had meant to him.

These days, relationships and marriages were throwaway items, something you jump into and out of as easily as getting on and off a boat.

It was a dilemma that had been haunting him since the priest had told him he should prepare some words to remember her in a way everyone would understand.

The thing was, not everyone did.  Certainly not her brother and two sisters. Certainly not her parents; they simply didn’t understand who she was and didn’t try.  They had three other children to bend to their will.

Certainly not my parents, of similar practical ilk as hers, and didn’t understand my choice.  My younger sister did; they were friends, soul mates for life, and her sudden death had affected her as much as it had me.

But to find words that made her relatable?  That was going to take a collaborative effort, simply because she was ‘artistic’.

There were various ways of interpreting artistic, most ending up on a scrapheap of misunderstandings that usually generated into misguided insults.

When I first met her I did the same.  I had not yet broken free of what she called the shackles of formalism.  It was a polite way of saying I was trying to conform to my parents’ ideal person.

Hard working, university educated as a doctor or lawyer, certainly a professional, and ideally working in the family business.  My father was a lawyer; his father was; my brothers were.  Then, my mother was a doctor, and my sister was meant to be, but she, like myself, fell off that wagon before it was too late, and we became autonomous.

My parents blamed Catherine for that.

But that took a while.  I had yet to meet her and go through the hardest year of my life.

…

I was studying law at the same university my great-grandparents and my brothers attended.  We Berkeley’s were well known, even famous, given that Berkeley’s featured everywhere in the walls and the fabric of university lore.

I, like my brothers, had very big shoes to fill, and when you are a so-so student not gifted with instant recall and a photographic memory, law really is a struggle.

Catherine was there doing art history or archaeology or some esoteric degree that to me seemed more fun than gritty learning.  She stood out because of her manner, the way she dressed, and the fact that every day she was like a ray of sunshine.

The first time I met her was in the library.  I was trying to study for a difficult exam that I had to pass, or I would be spending my summer holidays locked in a tutorial instead of going on the family holiday in Capri.

I knew I wasn’t going to make it.

That day I was searching for a law volume, and she was up a ladder and dropped a book on my head.  She said it slipped out of her hand.

It hit me in just the spot where it briefly knocked me out cold.  A book.  I couldn’t believe it.

Anyway, when I woke up, I was in a medical room lying on a cot with a doctor looking concerned, and Catherine, though I didn’t know her name then, hovering at the end of the cot, hoping, she said later, she hadn’t killed me.

The doctor asked me if I knew where I was, loosely translated to ‘at the university ‘, and what day it was, ‘the worst day of my life ‘, and what happened to me, ‘God was answering my prayer to kill me now before I failed the exam and went straight to hell’.

I think there were tears because my head really hurt, so he recommended painkillers and bed rest.  The nurse was very unsympathetic.  Catherine was contrite.

She sat down beside the cot and held my hand.

I’d seen her many times, always from afar.  I was not in her classes nor did I have a reason to be in her friend group.  Why she had stayed was unexplainable.  I had survived; her obligation was over.  I didn’t blame her for anything.  It could have happened to anyone.

She opened with, “I’m so sorry. Things like that just happen to me.”

“Dripping books of heads?”

“Books, spilling drinks and food, bumping into things.  People say I’m in a different world.”

“Are you?”

She smiled.  “Most of the time I see the world differently.  It’s the same as everyone else.  I just see only the good things.”

“How?”

“Take your accident.  It brought us together.  That’s a good thing.  Unless you’re an axe murderer.”

“They don’t let me bring my axe to school.”

She gave me a strange look, then smiled again.  “You have a sense of humour.  That will never work if you’re going to be a lawyer.”

“How do you know…”

“You look like your brother Aloysius.  I hope you’re not like him.  He keeps asking me out, but it’s only to settle a bet.  He’s basically horrible.  I’m sorry, but that’s how I see him.”

She was right, of course; he was.  And I knew about him and his university friends.  They had no respect for women, a trait handed down from their father.  Mine too, but that part missed me.  He called me ambivalent, a traitor as wild as my red hair.

He stopped short of saying I wasn’t his son, especially when my mother was not around.  Curiously, I never suspected her of having affairs, not like him in his quest to stay relevant and young, a battle he was losing as he got older.

“I hate to say it, but I agree with you.  I’ll be happy to kick his ass if he tries too hard, if you like.  It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“You’d do that for me, even after I tried to kill you.”

“I think it was the law trying to kill me.  It was sending me a message.  You just happened to be nearby.”

“Now you’re being too nice.”  She stood.  “You seem to be alright, so I’ll leave you to contemplate the hidden meaning behind the attack of the book.  Maybe I’ll see you around.”

Probably not.  We moved in completely different circles, and I was not the sort of person that fitted into her friend group.

“Maybe.  I could get delayed amnesia, and forget you.”

“You could, but I am unforgettable.”  That said, she left.

I didn’t expect to see her again, except from afar.  Somehow that made me feel sad.

. .

Some people stay in your mind for a variety of reasons.  Catherine stayed in mine simply because she was different, in a way that made her, as she said, unforgettable.

But toiling with the vicissitudes of the law took my mind off everything as I battled to get my head above water.  Law just wasn’t my thing.

Later that year, when I was seriously contemplating leaving university and going home to face the music, I wandered into the cafe looking for a cup of strong black coffee.

That’s when I saw her again, sitting with two other girls who no doubt were in her classes.  What bothered me was that my brother was talking to her.

Well, not talking to her as such, it looked to me like he was being an ass.  Again.

I stood on the doorway for a fraction too long, causing a hold-up that drew comment and her attention.

Just what I didn’t want.

I was going to leave, but she saw me and waved.  My brother turned to see who she was waving at, and that sealed my fate.

The last thing I wanted to do was confront him.  He was condescending at best and abrasive at worst when I wandered into his line of sight.

It was a shame I had to go to the same school as he did.

Fate sealed, I wandered over.

She was more interested in me than him.  He glared at me, “What are you doing here?”

“Getting coffee, though something stronger would be better.  What are you doing?  Harassing the female students in your usual manner?”

If her plan was to put us against each other, it might just work.  I was in a bad mood, and he was just the person to take it out on.

“Just go away and get whatever it is you came for.”

She looked at me, and I think she could see I was spoiling for a fight.  Maybe she wanted to throw some duel on the fire.

“Your brother is being a pain.”

“No.  My brother wanted to win a bet that he can get you to go out with him.  Put him out of his misery, and as a gentleman he will go away and not bother you again “

I looked at him.  “Not that you know what a gentleman really is.  Perhaps I should have a quiet word to Margaret and tell her you’re still sowing those wild cats Dad keeps banging on about.”

“You should be minding your own business.”

“Your misbehaving is my business.  I’m protecting the family name while you seem to think besmirching it is fine.”

“Go away, Steven.  Or else.”

“Or else what?”

“You don’t want to know.”

He was bigger and meaner than me, a member of the rugby team.  I’d seen what he could do when he took his temper out on Jeffery, our middle brother.

I was no match in size and weight, but he had no finesse.

I looked back at her.  “You want this jackass to leave you alone?”

“He doesn’t understand the word no.”

“Not when money is involved.”  I looked at him.  “You and me, the gym.  I win, you leave alone.”

“And if I win,” he said, grinning.

“You won’t.”

He looked me up and down, evaluating his chances.  They were good.  Probably better than good.

“Done.  6 pm.  You really are that stupid.”

Perhaps I was, but one thing I knew in that moment.  I was going to take my temper and all the bad stuff about law I hated on him.

…

“You really shouldn’t be doing this,” Catherine said.  She had decided to come with me to the gym to watch the epic battle.

She didn’t portray it as two fools fighting over a girl who wanted nothing to do with either of them.  She wanted to believe I was defending her honour.

That might have been the case if it was 1780, or a page out of a Jane Austen novel. 

The truth was I hated him.  He was the favourite; everything came easy for him.  Law studies were easy, rugby was easy, dating any girl he wanted was easy.

I just wanted to wipe that smirk off his face.

In reality, I was going to get pounded into the middle of next week.

And I think she knew that my gesture was just that, one that I hadn’t thought through.  She had already told me I didn’t have to go through with it. 

I said it was about time I stuck up for myself instead of living in his shadow.  This was sibling rivalry, and she was just an excuse I was using to justify my actions.

Yet she did go off after telling me I was being stupid, or that she didn’t appreciate me making a fool of myself on her behalf.  I think I was offended at her lack of faith.

When I got there, about five minutes before the event, there was a crowd of about two hundred.  Friends of his, and people who had learned there was going to be a fight.

A civilised fight.

He was dressed for the occasion, in fact, the whole boxing thing, and it didn’t surprise me he was into sparring.  I had been taking lessons, but the odds of any of it sticking in my brain were slight.

“Go change.  We do this properly.”

I shrugged, then climbed into the ring.  One of the gym staff came over with gloves and a helmet and helped me put both on.

Then he read the riot act, as much to say this was going to be by the book and no underhanded punching and clinging.  There was more, but I wasn’t listening.  I was trying to remember what my instructor had told me.

We took our corners.

The gym instructor stood in the middle.  Someone clanged the bell, and it was on.

I watched him circle, fists pumping like pistons, throwing out exploratory jabs as he circled.  Perhaps he thought it would make me dizzy watching him.

Then he came at me, trying to land a punch on the way past.  I saw the move and moved out of the way, and landed a punch to his upper arm that elicited a grunt.

And an expression changed.  Perhaps I might take a little effort on his part.

More circling, more punches, one of which rattled me, but not unduly so.  I had lowered my guard.

Then he came at me.  Perhaps he thought he had me at a disadvantage.  He landed one, but while he was doing that, he left himself exposed, and I lashed out with all the force I could muster.

Thwack. That’s what it sounded like.  Clean, hard, and right on the money.

He crumpled, collapsing to the floor and then didn’t move.  The gym instructor was beside him checking the damage.

It wasn’t much.  I had caught him flush, and it knocked him out.  A few seconds later he was awake, realised what had happened and tried to get up.  His legs could not support the weight, and he had to stay down.

But the fight was over.

I stood there and looked down at him.  There was a vacant stare behind those eyes of his.  Stunned perhaps at the idea that I could beat him.

“You win,” he said. “No hard feelings.”

Pity.  I wanted to pound him some more. Instead I just shrugged and took off the gloves.  By the time I got out of the ring, my brother was back on his feet.  He would survive.

The crowd had dispersed.

Catherine was still there, sitting on a seat by the wall well away from the ring.

“Did you win?”

“Of course.  What were you expecting?”

“Taking you to hospital in an ambulance.  It seems to me the only time we spend together is me taking you to random medical facilities “

“Well, you don’t have to.  He won’t be annoying you again.”

“What about you?”

“I won’t be annoying you at all.”

“What if I want to be annoyed by you?”

“I wouldn’t believe you.  I’m not your sort.”

“How do you know what my sort is?”

“It would not be a deadly dull law graduate.  You have too much life in you to be dragged backwards by a dour person like me.”

I had no idea how or why this conversation was going, other than it shouldn’t.  We were opposites that in a normal world would never meet.

“OK.  Take me to dinner.  If by the end of it I judge you to be too dour, we’ll call it off.  But what you just did, no one has ever done for me before.  That’s not dour.”

“No.  It was bloody stupid.”

“Calculated, yes; stupid, no.  You knew you could beat him.”

“I knew the odds were in my favour.  But fights like that are unpredictable.  I could have got hurt.”

“Then I would have taken you to hospital and got you patched up.  Then I would tell you how remarkable I think you are.  You should never be the person other people want you to be, but the person you want to.  He’s in there,” she touched my heart, which coincidentally was beating rather faster than normal, “and we’ll find him.”

“Dinner?”

“A posh restaurant.  Impress me.  I can be impressed.”

Then she took my hand in hers, and she stood.

I knew then that she was the one, the only one for me; and that I was never going to be a lawyer

…

I was standing behind the priest who had just delivered a remarkable eulogy, one that encapsulated her life, her manner, and her influence over the world at large.

It was meant to light up what a very sad day was, and it did.  I remembered her, not only from the first day I met her, but through that amazing dinner date at her so-called posh restaurant, to the day I asked her to marry me and she said yes.

What could I say that could ever tell anyone what I had and what I’d lost?

I could not.

But given the chance to get back at my brother, well, there was a wealth of stories right there.

I looked out over the crowd, all sitting and expecting something witty.

“Everyone knew Catherine, and unfortunately for some, Catherine knew them.  I remember her speech at the wedding.  As progressive as we were, she took us all by surprise…

“Some more than others…

Quite a few of those before me were there.  It was the first inkling they got that she was not afraid to speak her mind or trample on egos.

I was not going to remind them, but it led into more humorous memories, and it got the conversation going.  We remembered, we laughed, and how we laughed, until we cried.  She had that effect on each and every one of us.

And yes, as I spoke, I knew she was standing next to me, slipping her hand in mine and squeezing it gently, just to let me know I was not, and never would be, alone.

…

©  Charles Heath  2026

What I learned about writing – A simple joke can become inspiration

Spinning Shadows into Sparkle: The Zany Art of Conspiracy Comedy

Isn’t it fascinating how our minds gravitate towards patterns in the chaos? How the whispered “what if” can quickly blossom into a sprawling, intricate web of secret societies, hidden agendas, and dark forces pulling the strings? The appeal of a good conspiracy is undeniable, tapping into our deepest fears and our innate desire for meaning, even if that meaning points to malevolent forces.

But what if those shadowy figures wear mismatched socks? What if their nefarious plot hinges on the strategic deployment of artisanal pickles? What if the hero unearthing the truth is less a grizzled detective and more a bewildered barista?

This, my friends, is the magical alchemy we’re talking about: taking the genuine chill of darkness and paranoia, threading a dense tapestry of conspiracy, and then weaving through it with a generous dose of tongue-in-cheek humour and a plot so zany it practically winks at you. It’s a delicate dance, a narrative tightrope walk, but when executed well, it creates some of the most memorable and beloved stories out there.

So, how do we try to achieve this glorious narrative concoction?


1. Acknowledging the Shadow: The Foundation of Fear

You can’t have effective satire without a genuine understanding of what you’re satirising. The first step in threading dense conspiracies with humour is to start with the darkness. The paranoia needs to feel real, at least initially. The stakes should, at some level, be genuinely high.

  • How we do it: We establish an underlying threat that feels substantial. The shadowy organisation is powerful. Their goals are unsettling. Without that genuine undercurrent of dread, the humour lands flat. It’s the contrast with this genuine darkness that makes the absurdity sing. Imagine a secret society plotting global domination – that’s the serious core.

2. The Intricate Web: Conspiracies You Can (Almost) Believe

A “dense conspiracy” isn’t just a list of random bad things happening. It’s an interconnected narrative, a puzzle where every piece seems to fit, even if the grand picture is utterly bonkers.

  • How we do it: We layer the clues, introduce a cast of characters with mysterious motives, and connect the dots between the utterly mundane and the outrageously sinister. Perhaps a global drought is linked to a mega-corp’s new line of flavoured seltzer. Maybe the disappearance of garden gnomes is a precursor to an alien invasion. The logic, however flawed, must be internally consistent within its own absurd framework. The more intricate the web, the more satisfying its eventual, often ridiculous, unravelling. It makes the audience feel smart for “figuring it out,” even if what they’ve figured out is that pigeons are the true global overlords.

3. The Knowing Wink: Tongue-in-Cheek Humour

This isn’t slapstick for its own sake (though a little never hurt!). “Tongue-in-cheek” implies a shared understanding, a subtle nod to the audience that “we know this is ridiculous, and that’s the point.”

  • How we do it:
    • Character-driven absurdity: A villain who meticulously plans world domination but forgets their lunch. A reluctant hero whose biggest concern is finding strong coffee. The deadpan delivery of utterly insane dialogue.
    • Situational irony: The world-ending device being housed in a municipal library’s lost-and-found. The most devastating secret being revealed on a children’s TV show.
    • Subversion of tropes: Taking every classic conspiracy theory cliché (the all-seeing eye, the secret handshake, the cryptic message) and twisting it just enough to make it funny without losing its essence.
    • Self-awareness: The narrative often winks at its own ridiculousness, but never breaks character entirely. It’s about finding the humour within the grand conspiracy, not just overlaying it.

4. Embracing the Bizarre: The Zany Plot

This is where the gloves come off and imagination truly runs wild. If the conspiracy is the skeleton, the zany plot is the vibrant, unpredictable flesh.

  • How we do it: We throw out conventional narrative structures and embrace escalating absurdity. Where a secret society’s ultimate weapon might be a mind-control disco ball, or the key to decoding ancient alien texts involves mastering the art of interpretive dance. The plot twists aren’t just unexpected; they’re wildly, joyfully ludicrous. The solutions to the grand mystery are often simpler (or infinitely more complicated) than anyone could have imagined. Think unexpected car chases involving unicycles, secret lair entrances hidden behind a perpetually broken vending machine, or a climax involving a very confused squirrel.

5. The Secret Sauce: Balance and Juxtaposition

Ultimately, the magic lies in the blend. It’s a constant push and pull between the serious and the silly, the ominous and the outright absurd.

  • How we do it:
    • Pacing: We know when to lean into the genuine tension and dread for a moment, making the audience genuinely concerned, before puncturing that tension with a perfectly timed gag.
    • Contrast: A serious, menacing monologue from a villain, immediately followed by the revelation that they’re wearing bunny slippers. A crucial clue found written on a napkin from a questionable fast-food joint.
    • Anchoring Characters: Often, one or two characters serve as the audience’s anchor, reacting to the madness around them with relatable bewilderment or exasperated cynicism, which amplifies the humour.

Creating a narrative that blends darkness and paranoia with dense conspiracies, tongue-in-cheek humour, and a zany plot isn’t just writing; it’s an art form. It’s about acknowledging the very real anxieties that fuel conspiracy theories, then bravely, playfully, and subversively laughing in their face. It’s about building a world that feels both terrifyingly familiar and delightfully insane. And when it works, it’s an unforgettable journey into the heart of madness, where you’re never quite sure whether to gasp in fear or double over with laughter.

What are your favorite examples of stories that nail this unique blend? Let us know in the comments below!

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 194

Day 194 – Characters and their conversations

…

Beyond the Final Word: Why Character Intentions Drive the Best Conversations in Fiction

“Dialogue should be a series of pitched battles in which the characters are trying to get what they want.”

Every fiction writer eventually encounters a scene where two characters are talking, yet the pages feel utterly lifeless. The exchange is grammatically correct, it moves the plot forward, and it delivers the necessary information. And yet, it bores the reader to tears.

Why? Because the characters are simply arriving at what they want to say, rather than wrestling with the turbulent, messy journey of how they get there.

To master the art of subtext and realistic human interaction, we can look to one of the 20th century’s most brilliant stylists. The celebrated Anglo-Irish novelist and short-story writer Elizabeth Bowen had profound insights into the architecture of conversation. Bowen understood that in great fiction, dialogue is rarely about the destination; it is about the struggle of intention.

In this post, we’ll explore why characters should focus more on what they intend to say rather than the tidy sentences they finally arrive at, drawing inspiration from Elizabeth Bowen’s literary philosophy.


The Elizabeth Bowen Perspective: Conversation as a Secret War

Elizabeth Bowen viewed the surface of life—and polite conversation especially—as a delicate, often deceptive crust over boiling depths. To Bowen, dialogue was never just an exchange of data. It was a social dance, a power struggle, a form of concealment, and an act of psychological warfare all at once.

In her critical writings and through the immaculate prose of novels like The Death of the Heart and The House in Paris, Bowen demonstrated that people rarely say exactly what they mean. Instead, they circle their desires. They hint, they deflect, they use small talk as a shield, and they weaponise silence.

When characters’ conversation is overly streamlined—when they immediately arrive at crisp, articulate summaries of their feelings—the psychological realism evaporates. Real people are hampered by pride, fear, social conditioning, and a lack of self-awareness.

Bowen’s characters speak not to deliver exposition, but to assert themselves against a hostile or indifferent world. The magic happens in the gap between what is intended and what is actually uttered.


What Happens When Characters “Arrive” Too Fast?

Let’s look at the two approaches: dialogue driven by arrival versus dialogue driven by intention.

The Trap of the “Arrival” Dialogue

When a writer focuses on what a character arrives at saying, the dialogue often falls into the trap of “on-the-nose” writing or pure exposition.

  • Example (Arrival):Mark: “I am leaving you because you never pay attention to my emotional needs, Sarah.” Sarah: “That’s not fair. I’ve been stressed about my mother’s illness, but if you’re going to be selfish, maybe we should break up.”

Why it fails: It’s efficient, but it feels robotic. Real human beings in the middle of a breakup rarely diagnose their relationship with the clinical precision of a marriage counsellor in the first three seconds. They are defending their egos, deflecting blame, and masking panic.

The Power of “Intention” Dialogue

When characters are driven by what they intend to say—the subtextual desire to wound, to plead, to hide, or to conquer—the conversation becomes a living, breathing thing.

  • Example (Intention):Mark slammed the refrigerator door harder than necessary, rattling the jars inside. “You leave that wet towel on the counter every single day.” Sarah didn’t look up from her phone. “Some of us have actual responsibilities outside of interior decorating, Mark.” Mark: “Right. Responsibilities. Must be nice.”

Why it works: Mark intends to say, “I feel neglected and invisible in this house,” but that requires vulnerability. Instead, he arrives at a petty complaint about a towel. Sarah intends to say, “Don’t make me feel guilty; I am drowning under pressure,” but she arrives at a counter-attack. The tension comes from the reader feeling the heavy, unspoken weight of their true intentions beneath the trivial words.


3 Ways to Apply Bowen’s Wisdom to Your Writing

If you want to shift your character conversations away from neat arrivals and toward messy, intention-driven power struggles, try these three techniques:

1. Give Every Character a Hidden Agenda

Before writing a scene, ask yourself: What does this character want from the other person by the end of this conversation?

  • Do they want validation?
  • Do they want to hide a secret?
  • Do they want to provoke a reaction without taking the blame for starting a fight?

When characters have an active internal agenda, their dialogue will naturally become evasive, tactical, and charged with subtext.

2. Interrupt the Thought Process

In real life, we edit ourselves mid-sentence. We start to say one thing, realise how it sounds, and pivot sharply.

  • Let your characters trail off.
  • Let them change subjects abruptly when they feel vulnerable.
  • Use action beats (gestures, glances, fidgeting) to show the friction between their brain and their mouth.

As Elizabeth Bowen showed us, the most telling moments in a conversation are often the things left unsaid, or the sentences that fracture before they can be completed.

3. Let Misunderstandings Breed Conflict

When characters are aiming for an intention rather than a neat conclusion, they will inevitably miss each other’s points. Character A is speaking from a place of fear; Character B is interpreting it as an attack.

This friction creates authentic dramatic irony. The reader understands the tragic or comedic mismatch between what the characters intend to communicate and how their words are actually landing.


Conclusion: Embrace the Mess

Great dialogue is never a straight line. It is a zigzag path of sidesteps, false starts, defensive maneuvers, and buried longings.

By following Elizabeth Bowen’s implicit advice—prioritising the volatile, underlying intentions of your characters over the neat, polished sentences they eventually arrive at—you will breathe authentic life into your scenes. Stop letting your characters say exactly what they mean right away. Let them struggle to say it, let them fail, and watch your fiction transform into something unforgettable.


What are your favourite examples of subtext-heavy dialogue in literature? How do you handle character intentions in your own writing? Let us know in the comments below!

…

PI Walthenson’s second case – A case of finding the ‘Flying Dutchman’.

Known only to a few, there is a legend that a ship named the ‘Flying Dutchman’ left Nazi Germany in the last weeks of the war and set sail for America, escorted by U-boats, under a different name. Aboard was a trove of treasure and gold worth a ‘king’s ransom’.

It was said that it had been sent to a group of American Nazis to create the Fourth Reich at an appropriate time. Over the years, many expeditions off the coast had searched, but found no trace of the vessel or the treasure.

In other words, it was just a legend created to boost tourism.

…

Fast forward to 2024. Our intrepid private detective, Harry Walthenson, overhears a conversation at Grand Central Station. It was the oddness of the message that caught his attention. An investigation turned up nothing out of the ordinary, and he thinks no more about it.

Then Harry is kidnapped, interrogated, and asked questions over and over about a date and a place, why he went there, and when he could not give satisfactory answers, he was beaten half to death and left for dead on a rubbish heap. He was lucky that it was a living space for homeless men; otherwise, he would have died.

In the aftermath, he once again gives it no more thought.

…

After resolving his first case successfully, there’s no rest. Harry’s angry mother comes to his office and demands that he find out where his father has gone. She believes he has run off with a mistress, not for the first time.

Perhaps it was not the wisest decision she has made, because Harry promises to investigate, and adds that she might not like what he finds.

He soon discovered he does not like what he finds, that his father’s friends, a cabal formed at University, have two who are his mother’s current lovers, and another, a criminal blackmailing his father.

Felicity, now his partner, working on a different case, and trying to get answers, uncovers a crime family involved in guarding a disused warehouse on the docks, where she believes Harry had been taken for interrogation, and subsequently dumped nearby to die.

Why are they up to? What is so important that the empty warehouse needs guarding? Who is employing them?

Harry, following up on the death of the blackmailer, traces his death back to an enforcer employed by his grandfather. His mother’s grandfather was a pre-war industrialist who made his fortune in war munitions and shipbuilding.

He was also a member of the American Nazi party.

When Harry also discovers a logbook belonging to a so-called wartime Liberty ship the “Paul Revere” in brackets ‘Freiheitskämpfer’, hidden by his father, and written in a code that is not readily identifiable.

It is no longer a matter of a father who has run off with his mistress; it is a very frightened man in fear of his life, running from a group who will stop at nothing to get the logbook back. And when Harry discovers a family connection to the group, it becomes a race against time to decode the log and find his father before his grandfather does.

…

Coming soon: Harry Walthenson’s new adventure – A case of finding the ‘Flying Dutchman’