What I learned about writing – Dense conspiracies and zany plotting

Spinning Shadows into Sparkle: The Zany Art of Conspiracy Comedy

Isn’t it fascinating how our minds gravitate towards patterns in the chaos? How the whispered “what if” can quickly blossom into a sprawling, intricate web of secret societies, hidden agendas, and dark forces pulling the strings? The appeal of a good conspiracy is undeniable, tapping into our deepest fears and our innate desire for meaning, even if that meaning points to malevolent forces.

But what if those shadowy figures wear mismatched socks? What if their nefarious plot hinges on the strategic deployment of artisanal pickles? What if the hero unearthing the truth is less a grizzled detective and more a bewildered barista?

This, my friends, is the magical alchemy we’re talking about: taking the genuine chill of darkness and paranoia, threading a dense tapestry of conspiracy, and then weaving through it with a generous dose of tongue-in-cheek humour and a plot so zany it practically winks at you. It’s a delicate dance, a narrative tightrope walk, but when executed well, it creates some of the most memorable and beloved stories out there.

So, how do we try to achieve this glorious narrative concoction?


1. Acknowledging the Shadow: The Foundation of Fear

You can’t have effective satire without a genuine understanding of what you’re satirising. The first step in threading dense conspiracies with humour is to start with the darkness. The paranoia needs to feel real, at least initially. The stakes should, at some level, be genuinely high.

  • How we do it: We establish an underlying threat that feels substantial. The shadowy organisation is powerful. Their goals are unsettling. Without that genuine undercurrent of dread, the humour lands flat. It’s the contrast with this genuine darkness that makes the absurdity sing. Imagine a secret society plotting global domination – that’s the serious core.

2. The Intricate Web: Conspiracies You Can (Almost) Believe

A “dense conspiracy” isn’t just a list of random bad things happening. It’s an interconnected narrative, a puzzle where every piece seems to fit, even if the grand picture is utterly bonkers.

  • How we do it: We layer the clues, introduce a cast of characters with mysterious motives, and connect the dots between the utterly mundane and the outrageously sinister. Perhaps a global drought is linked to a mega-corp’s new line of flavoured seltzer. Maybe the disappearance of garden gnomes is a precursor to an alien invasion. The logic, however flawed, must be internally consistent within its own absurd framework. The more intricate the web, the more satisfying its eventual, often ridiculous, unravelling. It makes the audience feel smart for “figuring it out,” even if what they’ve figured out is that pigeons are the true global overlords.

3. The Knowing Wink: Tongue-in-Cheek Humour

This isn’t slapstick for its own sake (though a little never hurt!). “Tongue-in-cheek” implies a shared understanding, a subtle nod to the audience that “we know this is ridiculous, and that’s the point.”

  • How we do it:
    • Character-driven absurdity: A villain who meticulously plans world domination but forgets their lunch. A reluctant hero whose biggest concern is finding strong coffee. The deadpan delivery of utterly insane dialogue.
    • Situational irony: The world-ending device being housed in a municipal library’s lost-and-found. The most devastating secret being revealed on a children’s TV show.
    • Subversion of tropes: Taking every classic conspiracy theory cliché (the all-seeing eye, the secret handshake, the cryptic message) and twisting it just enough to make it funny without losing its essence.
    • Self-awareness: The narrative often winks at its own ridiculousness, but never breaks character entirely. It’s about finding the humour within the grand conspiracy, not just overlaying it.

4. Embracing the Bizarre: The Zany Plot

This is where the gloves come off and imagination truly runs wild. If the conspiracy is the skeleton, the zany plot is the vibrant, unpredictable flesh.

  • How we do it: We throw out conventional narrative structures and embrace escalating absurdity. Where a secret society’s ultimate weapon might be a mind-control disco ball, or the key to decoding ancient alien texts involves mastering the art of interpretive dance. The plot twists aren’t just unexpected; they’re wildly, joyfully ludicrous. The solutions to the grand mystery are often simpler (or infinitely more complicated) than anyone could have imagined. Think unexpected car chases involving unicycles, secret lair entrances hidden behind a perpetually broken vending machine, or a climax involving a very confused squirrel.

5. The Secret Sauce: Balance and Juxtaposition

Ultimately, the magic lies in the blend. It’s a constant push and pull between the serious and the silly, the ominous and the outright absurd.

  • How we do it:
    • Pacing: We know when to lean into the genuine tension and dread for a moment, making the audience genuinely concerned, before puncturing that tension with a perfectly timed gag.
    • Contrast: A serious, menacing monologue from a villain, immediately followed by the revelation that they’re wearing bunny slippers. A crucial clue found written on a napkin from a questionable fast-food joint.
    • Anchoring Characters: Often, one or two characters serve as the audience’s anchor, reacting to the madness around them with relatable bewilderment or exasperated cynicism, which amplifies the humour.

Creating a narrative that blends darkness and paranoia with dense conspiracies, tongue-in-cheek humour, and a zany plot isn’t just writing; it’s an art form. It’s about acknowledging the very real anxieties that fuel conspiracy theories, then bravely, playfully, and subversively laughing in their face. It’s about building a world that feels both terrifyingly familiar and delightfully insane. And when it works, it’s an unforgettable journey into the heart of madness, where you’re never quite sure whether to gasp in fear or double over with laughter.

What are your favorite examples of stories that nail this unique blend? Let us know in the comments below!

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 164/165

Days 164 and 165 – Writing exercise – Set a story on a plane

It had been a long couple of months, and having completed the mandatory training and refresher courses, locked down for the whole time at the company’s dedicated training facility, it was time for a recreation break.

For that, I was heading to a tropical retreat in Jamaica in the Caribbean.  The shack was booked, and all I had to do was catch three planes.

In other words, the next 48 hours could run smoothly, or it could turn into a bigger disaster than some of the missions I’d been sent on. 

I was hoping for the first and expecting the second.

It didn’t start well.  The taxi I caught to the airport stopped to let me off in the designated drop-off zone, but it was for the wrong airline.

The driver apologised and offered to go around again, but that was mentioned how I wanted to spend the next half hour of my life.  I paid him and got out.

I went into the airport terminal and started a long hike back to the departure area for my airline.  Fortunately, it was well signed, unlike some airports I’d been to.

Foot traffic was like the home time crush, and I had to pick my way through strolling families, children racing around bereft of parental control, elderly people who had all the time in the world, cranky businessmen in a hurry, and people who were standing around in groups cluttering the walkways.

I was glad I didn’t have any suitcases.  There were enough baggage trolleys to crash into as it was.  Including those being driven recklessly by children and almost wrecking a holiday before it got started.

My left ankle was still sore from the last would-be racing driver.

At the checking counter, I joined a long line that was moving slowly. 

It always amused me that people always spoke louder when standing in a queue.  I would have thought that such comments as the desirability of a male colleague, and 8 on the 1 to 10 scale, might have warranted hushed tones.  Along with the inference, one of the girls had slept with him.

The other was unimpressed.  He was married.  Scandalous, maybe to me, but they both giggled. 

That was in front of me.  Behind, a man was telling whoever would listen that he hadn’t been back home in three years and was expecting no one would remember him.  He was an accountant, so no one was surprised.

There were more, but I reached the counter by then and took a minute, perhaps a little longer.  I could only check in for the first flight, not all the way through.  I’d opted for cheap.

No baggage, passport in order, seat allocation and gate pass done.  I was travelling coach class and got an aisle seat.  It remained to be seen how that played out.  Travelling by any means these days was like walking through a minefield.

As it was only domestic, I went through the TSA check, getting a nod from one of the officers, as an acquaintance from another life, and went up to the departure level.  It was a bit early to go to the gate.

I’d have some airport takeout just in case the airline had nothing to offer.  Given the fare I paid, I seriously doubted they could afford water.

I settled on greasy chicken and fries.

..

Tables were scattered everywhere, and I selected one with two seats and seeing there was competition for it, hastened my pace to get there first.  It was that time of day when everyone seemed to be hungry.

Surviving the death stare from the other hunter, I sat back and contemplated the rest of the diners.  It was a habit more than anything else.  It converted about two or three hundred.

Families, children arguing over burgers, chicken and fries, large cups of sugary drinks, not the best for them before getting on the plane, businessmen, sitting at single tables with coffee and a sandwich, teenagers, a group on a tour, no doubt like Rome or maybe not, all excited at the fact they were escaping school.  Some had that doe-eyed look of high school sweethearts, and trouble looming.

I remembered the one trip my class had gone on and the fallout from that.

There were groups of elderly passengers also going on a holiday, a tour guide trying to keep them together, and women, one group in particular, that looked like trouble.  One had just returned with a dozen drinks, wiped escaping their husbands, and why not?

No immediate threats.

I looked at the chicken, shrugged and took a chip instead.  The coffee tasted like instant, water and powdered milk.  Who knew what came out of that coffee machine, but it wasn’t what I would call coffee.  Maybe my standards were too high.

Then I saw rather than heard a strange sound, and followed it to a table four along and one out from the shrubbery.  Four seats.  One man, a thug in a suit, a well-dressed man who reeked of money but not class, and a young woman who was trying not to look terrified.

I suspect the man in the suit had inflicted some hidden punishment on her because she was massaging her hand.  I looked away just before he looked in my direction.

He did the same scan I had, looking for trouble.

This could be one of two scenarios.  The girl, girlfriend or spouse had tried to run away and had been caught.  Usually, they would return by car, but maybe they were from overseas.  The three men looked foreign.

The other, less likely, was a felon being taken back to jail.  Or elsewhere, but then she would be in cuffs.  He didn’t look like law enforcement.

Another thug in a suit came back with a tray of food and drinks and distributed it before sitting.  An air of serenity settled on them.

I went back to my chicken.

It was a relatively calm half hour; the children at the table next to me were the typical family.  The boy wanted a hamburger and got chicken; the girl wanted chicken and got a hamburger.  The boy took a bite out of the chicken, and the girl refused to eat it.

Dad didn’t get the free toy that came with the food, and in the end, the mother had to sort it all out.  The father typically got exactly what he wanted.

Another child and another nearby table spilt his drink all over the father, and harsh words and tears ensued.

Queues for food were long, and tempers were fraying.  My new friends, four tables over to the left, left their mess on the table and walked off, the girl almost dragged away by the man in the expensive suit.

Something was definitely wrong there.

The lady who was wiping tables just had a whole lot more work added to the endless task of cleaning up spilled drinks and food scraps thrown on the floor.  People obviously left their manners at home.

I cleaned up my mess, wiped the table with a spare wet towel and dumped the leftovers in the appropriate bin.  The cleaning lady smiled in my direction. That was one less out of 200 tables.

I wandered slowly towards the gate, with a little under an hour to go.  There were people scattered in the seating area, including my new friends.  On my way in, I surreptitiously took a photograph of the rich guy, and when I sat down, studied it.

He had a familiar look, not belonging to someone I had met before, but someone I had seen before.   The seat next to me had a hostile folder of newspapers sitting on it, perhaps from the last flight out.

Maybe if they were leaving from here, they would be in the local paper.

Or as loath as I was to call upon a friend, who was a colleague who’d done favours for me in the past, I could send a copy of the photo and ask him to identify who it is.

Of course, it came with a degree of risk, especially if the person had a history.  I sent it anyway; Rodney would make an assessment and let me know.

Five minutes.  My cell phone vibrated.  “Investigating!”

Meanwhile, back in the newspaper, The Denver Post, I found it odd to be reading an actual newspaper and not the usual online services.  If I were staying instead of passing through, like some of the others on refresher courses, it would make a useful reference.

But nothing about our mysterious man or his companion.  But if I wanted to find out where the 4th July fireworks displays were, very useful.

I didn’t plan to be in the country.  The holiday had lost its significance given the times we were in, and the fact that our history was being rewritten to reflect something that was nothing like what happened.

My father, who has been an American History professor and scholar of all things American, including the so-called shameful parts of it, would be spinning in his grave.  I was just plain disappointed.

Just as the boarding call came, my phone vibrated again.  “Sam Kawalski and the woman Zuzanna Wojcik, the youngest daughter of the alleged head of a crime family from New Jersey.  They were married about a month ago.  Documents attached.”

I sent back a thanks and joined the queue.  I took the paper for the crossword and had some interesting reading.

They were sitting up front.  I was sitting in the back.  Fortunately, this time I was not surrounded by children.  I was, however, in direct line to the restrooms.  It was going to be a fun four hours.

I only had to stand once to let the window seat passenger in.  Our plane was not full, and a lot of middle seats were free.

She smiled politely as she squeezed past after putting her small suitcase in the overhead bin, then sat.  My initial assessment was that she was dressed to travel in business class, and maybe hoping for an upgrade.

She had that purposeful look like she was coming from or going to a meeting, what I would call an executive, though her age may suggest either lawyer or accountant.

Then I decided it was none of my business.

Until she spoke to me.  Normally, I would just ignore fellow passengers, or they would ignore me. But this was coach, I was used to business.  People around me nodded or said hello. 

“Work or pleasure?” 

It took a moment to register that she was speaking to me.  My attention was still on Kawalski, and the other passengers who brought far too much cabin luggage.  The hostesses were working overtime trying to find space and shunt tardy and somewhat confused people to their seats.

I turned to look at her and realised she might be older than I first thought.  Which had absolutely no bearing on anything.

“A business meeting, then pleasure.  Jamaica.”  I don’t know why I told her where I was going.

“Lucky you.  I’ve been there once, to a conference, and didn’t get much time to see the sights.  Keep meaning to go back.”

“If only we had 40-hour days?”

She took that in, processed it, then smiled again.  I could not imagine her being angry.

“If only.”

“You?  Business or something else?”  I deliberately threw in a curve, just to see what happened.

A momentary expression changed, just long enough for those trained to look for them to see it.  Then back again.

“I would be in a party dress if it were not business.”

Was there just a slight edge to her tone?

In any other situation, I might have said she would look nice in a party dress, but these days those sorts of comments are frowned upon.

“I’m sorry then.”

“For what?”

“Forgetting that others have to work.  You don’t need people saying they’re going on holiday when you’re not.”

“It doesn’t bother me, after all, I asked you first.”

Her tone had suggested otherwise, but then my tone would be grumpy if the person next to me started babbling on about where they were going.

But good or bad, it killed the moment, and she rummaged in her bag and pulled out a Kindle reader.

One more supposition, she probably read romance novels.  I wrestled the paper into a smaller square and started on the crossword.

All the passengers were aboard, and the hostesses were doing their mandatory checks.  The door had been closed.

We would be leaving on time.

The trouble with travelling in a confined space with a lot of people is that no matter how hard you try to shut people out, you can’t.

Up front of the plane, you are more isolated; back in the rear, you are surrounded.  Screaming kids, noisy parents, the one person who has the volume up high, and the kid who runs up and down the aisle, bumping people.

And as I discovered, the number of people who lurch from side to side, bumping people as they go.  And the proximity to the restrooms, people congregated, towering over you, squashing into you when they tried to move out of the way.

And the conversations they had.  People whom you’d least expect to speak like drunken sailors three sheets to the wind.  I felt it necessary to stand, accidentally standing on one of their feet, and apologising profusely, after causing her to cry out in pain, and then getting assistance back to her seat.

A half dozen people nodded in my direction, clearly relieved that they had gone away.  My neighbour thought it amusing, perhaps something she would have done herself.

People were more wary standing anywhere near me when they came, or, like sensible people, waited for the green light before coming down. 

The next time she headed down, without her friend, I stood and went down to the galley to stand by the rear exit door.  She approached very cautiously.

Lesson learned.

Shortly after, the plane dipped, and we were in landing mode.  I went back to my seat.  The hostesses passed through the plane, getting everyone sorted.

The last trolley had passed by into the galley, just as we all heard the girl who had suffered that unfortunate accident, now standing next to the last seat in business class, pointing and yelling, “You’re that horrible man who beat up my friend at Rodin’s the other night.”

She was pointing directly at the man in the suit.

Next minute, one of the thugs had her in a stranglehold, and she was screaming.  A scream that polarised the whole plane. 

The stewards were mortified and helpless at this point.  The thug was trying to quieten her, and there were groans and complaints, until the thug yelled out, “Everyone, be quiet or else.

The last two words carried emphasis and a latent threat.  The noise died down.

It drew an uncharacteristic response from my travelling companion, “What the fuck… “

“An altercation with that girl.  Seems she knows one of the passengers in business, and not in a good  way.”

The thug wasn’t letting her go, but at least the screams had stopped.  So had everything.

I turned around, and the hostess was on the phone with the captain.  I heard, “We have a situation…”

That was putting it mildly.  This was a no-win situation for anyone.  We wouldn’t be landing with passengers standing in the aisle.  The thug had nowhere to go.  The girl would be leveraged until she wasn’t.  Just the thought of that worried me.

Planes were small places where things could go wrong very quickly.

And Kowalski had become a cornered rat.

The papers on him were basically the bio of a kid gone wrong, hitching his wagon to the wrong train, marrying the boss’s daughter, and then committing the ultimate folly, thinking his status could protect him from being stupid.

On bail for the assault, he was fleeing.  If it wasn’t for the fact that his wife was running from him, also a victim of assault, he would not have been in Denver.

He was a bail violator and now a party to what could be described as a major aeroplane felony.  With a plane load of hostages.

The Captain had nowhere to go, but had to try.

“Everyone not involved in the situation, please resume your seats and prepare for landing.  This plane cannot land until all passengers have resumed their seats.  Be advised that we will not be using a gate, but have been directed to another section of the airport where both local police and the FBI will be waiting.  I would ask that no one make this any worse than it already is, and would ask for calm and obey any and all instructions given by the senior cabin steward.”

The girl’s companion was now telling everyone in a loud voice the circumstances of their friend’s assault, and using disparaging language directed at Kowalski.  The other thug was waiting for a signal from Kawalski.

At least everyone was reseated except for the thug with the girl, who was now sobbing.

Kawalski stood and glared at the cabin manager, also responsible for the business class passengers.

He told the thug to bring the girl forward, and he told the manager to empty the first three rows and seat them elsewhere.

It looked like one or two were going to argue, but then the other got out of his seat and dragged one of the complainers out of his seat.  The rest moved quickly, taking what they could.

So far, so good.

I slowly got out of my seat and went back to the hostess on the phone.

“Sir, you should go back to your seat.”

“I might be able to help.  Can you ask the captain to talk to whoever it is in New York and ask them if there is a Joseph Binns in the terminal?  He’s my boss and someone who deals with situations like this.  He’ll know I’m on board.”

“Who are you?”

“Who I am is irrelevant.  Except I could become those two thugs worst nightmare.  Kawalski, their boss, is bad news.  He’s bringing his wife back to New Jersey against her will, and I think he was hoping this would go under the radar.”

At that moment, I realised the plane had levelled out and was in a large circuit.  It might not last long if the fuel is low.

“Are you law enforcement?”

“Not the sort that flashed badges.  Just ask him to call.”

She did, relaying a brief resume of what I told her.

“He’s talking to them now.”

Five long minutes passed before I saw her move slightly, then say, “He’s here.”  She passed me the phone.

“Kevin Andrews?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m told you might be able to help.”

“We’re not going to get on the ground while they are moving around.  Also, I think they will start using passengers to force you to land the plane, and probably use some to get away once we are on the ground.  This is one of those no-win situations.”

“Not ideal then?”

He was calm and probably hoping his worst nightmare was a flaky engine.

“It never is.  I’m going to try to neutralise the problem.  It might get messy.  And I might not succeed.  But I could use the element of surprise.  Can you make sudden downwards or sideways movements, the sort where you are briefly disoriented?  Kind of like hitting an air pocket.”

“When?”

“Give it ten minutes.  No warning, just do it. Hard left and down.  Hopefully, I’ll be in place by then.”

“Ten minutes.  Got it.  Good luck.”

I was hugging to need it.

I handed the phone back.  “Stow everything likely to cause a problem.  If you can tell those up the front with alerting them, do it.”

The other steward unlocked a drawer and pulled out a rather interesting knife.  It might be illegal, but it was going to make my job easier.

“Got any string, rope, bindings?”

From the same drawer, twine.  Ideal.

“Good.  Keep it handy.”  I took the knife and hid it up my sleeve.

I looked at my watch.  Seven minutes.  I shrugged.  Time to go.

I slowly walked up the aisle.  My row companion gave me a rather wide-eyed look as I went past.  Maybe she thought I had a death wish.

Maybe I did.

I took my time.  Halfway, one of the thugs saw me.

“Go back to your seat.”

“Sorry.  Can’t.  Have to use the restrooms.  Ours are full of people sitting because of you.”

I edged slowly closer, both watching me.  What they were going to do was the unpredictable item in this equation.

Eight minutes, alongside the first row of coach.  Five years, maybe six.  The steward and manager had moved back into the galley area.  The two men and the girl were near the door.

I would only have a few seconds at best, and I would have to incapacitate them.  The knife would do that if I got them in the right place.  Luckily, part of the refresher I’d just been on was 101 ways to silently and quickly kill your enemy with a knife.  Any knife.

Nine minutes.  I took a deep breath and let it go slowly.  Calm.

Odd that in those last few seconds, I suddenly remembered nearly every time I’d landed at JFK and about 20 or 20 minutes out, we hit turbulence, once so bad it made most of the passengers airsick.

And on cue, ten seconds before the plane was to lurch, we hit turbulence and, thirty seconds after that, an air pocket and suddenly the plane dipped, violently.

Anyone who wasn’t in a seat belt hit the roof.  I was vac3d because I was expecting a lurch.  In the end, the turbulence did the job for me.

The two thugs and Kawalski hit the roof and were knocked clean out.  The plane found clean air with a thud, but the turbulence didn’t stop.  The captain explained and asked for calm.

Everyone had heeded the earlier seatbelt call, and the only three casualties were the three problem passengers.  The girl had fainted just before the air pocket, and the thug had ironically protected her from hitting the roof.

She was now sprawled on the ground.

The hostess from the rear arrived breathless and with cut lengths of twine.  Three burly men came and hoisted the three into seats in the front rows, and tied them very securely.

The manager up front relayed the news to the captain, and a minute or two later, we were descending.  A half-hour delay.  We were back to preparing the cabin for landing.

I had a few words with? First in Polish, then in English, to see if she was alright.  She said she had seen me at the airport in Denver and hoped that I had recognised her distress and alerted the authorities.

She said her father would be grateful.  I told her that she should forget I existed.  Trouble always had a way of finding me without help.

Then I went back to my seat.  In reality, I had done nothing wrong.  Whatever plan I had was sketchy at best, and I thanked whoever it was for intervening.

My seat companion looked over as I did up the seatbelt.  “What did you say you did for a living?”

“Problem solver, though I wouldn’t say I was very good at it.  Mother Nature always has an answer to just about any problem.”

“What were you going to do?”

“Use the plane differently.  Then I remembered that there’s always turbulence.  Catch them off guard, maybe.  In the end, I didn’t have to.”

“You do this often?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“Somebody had to do something.  I have places to be.  Can’t have assholes holding me, and everyone else, up.”

“Well, this was exciting.  I’m just a boring librarian who sometimes gives tours at the Smithsonian.  The biggest event is someone who has a bathroom emergency.  Perhaps we could start again.  My name is Jennifer MacAndrews, Librarian.”

“Kevin Andrews, occasional Problem Solver.”

The plane shuddered as we went through another layer of turbulence.  We could see land through the cloud cover.  It would be raining when we landed.

As the wheels came down, the pilot advised us that we would be going to a closed area of the airport when the prisoners would be taken off.  Then the passengers would be transferred to buses and taken to the terminal.

“Staying in New York after your meeting?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m going to do something I never do.  Another first, if you like.  Can I buy you dinner for saving us, or trying to, anyway?”

She definitely did not look like the sort of woman who would offer dinner dates to perfect strangers.  Even so, I should decline.

“You don’t know me.  I could be an axe murderer.”

“You could be.  I have many interesting conversational topics that might interest you, being a librarian.”

So the axe murderer line wasn’t going to work on her. 

“When is your meeting?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Are you staying anywhere near the Hilton on 6th Avenue?”

“By coincidence, I am.”

“Then if I am free at 7pm, I’ll call your room, and if you’re in, we’ll see what happens?”

She smiled.  “We shall.”

The plane landed, everyone applauded, an odd reaction and one I have never had explained.

It took a while before the FBI officers came aboard, spoke to the captain and then took the three men away.  They did not take Zuzanna Wojcik.

Then the passengers filed off, and I waited until everyone left before I went forward.  Jennifer waited with me.  Apparently, she was in no hurry.

The captain and an FBI officer were waiting.  I shook hands, told them both that I was glad I didn’t have to do anything, and that the true heroes were the passengers who tied them up.

My boss was among those at the bottom of the stairs, waiting to take me away to that meeting.  I shook hands with Jennifer, and she joined the last of the passengers on the bus.

“You made a new friend.”

“Window seat, my row.”

“Not screaming kids?”

“They were three rows ahead.  It’s not so bad in the back of the plane.  I hear it’s the safest place in a crash.”

He shrugged.  “Always something with you.”

“What can I say?”

“Next time, you will try to remain anonymous.  Your next job was to investigate Zuzanna Wojcik’s family.  Can’t do that now she knows who you are.”

“Or…”

He shook his head.  “You really don’t have a death wish.  You have two weeks’ vacation.  We’ll talk about it later.  Who was the girl?”

“A librarian at the Smithsonian.”

“Good.  You could do well to learn something other than ways to kill people.”

If I called her.  I was having second thoughts. A girl like her didn’t need to know someone like me.  It was one of the downsides of the job.

The baggage handlers were offloading the last of the baggage, and the plane sat on the tarmac, now in the hands of the cleaners.

In a few hours, it would be off to another airport, most of the passengers would be going to hotels, visiting others or going home.  For them, it was just another day in their lives.  They would never know just how close they came to dying.

And in my case, I had been lucky.  Stupid but lucky.  It put a thought into my head that until I spoke to Jennifer, I would never have turned up there.

Was it time I gave up the idealistic dream that I could save the world, one mission at a time?  The fact is, I couldn’t, and wasn’t.

My boss opened the door to the limo.  “Opportunity awaits.”

I got in and moved over.  He climbed in and shut the door.  “Let’s go.”

And for the first time, I was thinking of something other than work.

©  Charles Heath  2026

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 164/165

Days 164 and 165 – Writing exercise – Set a story on a plane

It had been a long couple of months, and having completed the mandatory training and refresher courses, locked down for the whole time at the company’s dedicated training facility, it was time for a recreation break.

For that, I was heading to a tropical retreat in Jamaica in the Caribbean.  The shack was booked, and all I had to do was catch three planes.

In other words, the next 48 hours could run smoothly, or it could turn into a bigger disaster than some of the missions I’d been sent on. 

I was hoping for the first and expecting the second.

It didn’t start well.  The taxi I caught to the airport stopped to let me off in the designated drop-off zone, but it was for the wrong airline.

The driver apologised and offered to go around again, but that was mentioned how I wanted to spend the next half hour of my life.  I paid him and got out.

I went into the airport terminal and started a long hike back to the departure area for my airline.  Fortunately, it was well signed, unlike some airports I’d been to.

Foot traffic was like the home time crush, and I had to pick my way through strolling families, children racing around bereft of parental control, elderly people who had all the time in the world, cranky businessmen in a hurry, and people who were standing around in groups cluttering the walkways.

I was glad I didn’t have any suitcases.  There were enough baggage trolleys to crash into as it was.  Including those being driven recklessly by children and almost wrecking a holiday before it got started.

My left ankle was still sore from the last would-be racing driver.

At the checking counter, I joined a long line that was moving slowly. 

It always amused me that people always spoke louder when standing in a queue.  I would have thought that such comments as the desirability of a male colleague, and 8 on the 1 to 10 scale, might have warranted hushed tones.  Along with the inference, one of the girls had slept with him.

The other was unimpressed.  He was married.  Scandalous, maybe to me, but they both giggled. 

That was in front of me.  Behind, a man was telling whoever would listen that he hadn’t been back home in three years and was expecting no one would remember him.  He was an accountant, so no one was surprised.

There were more, but I reached the counter by then and took a minute, perhaps a little longer.  I could only check in for the first flight, not all the way through.  I’d opted for cheap.

No baggage, passport in order, seat allocation and gate pass done.  I was travelling coach class and got an aisle seat.  It remained to be seen how that played out.  Travelling by any means these days was like walking through a minefield.

As it was only domestic, I went through the TSA check, getting a nod from one of the officers, as an acquaintance from another life, and went up to the departure level.  It was a bit early to go to the gate.

I’d have some airport takeout just in case the airline had nothing to offer.  Given the fare I paid, I seriously doubted they could afford water.

I settled on greasy chicken and fries.

..

Tables were scattered everywhere, and I selected one with two seats and seeing there was competition for it, hastened my pace to get there first.  It was that time of day when everyone seemed to be hungry.

Surviving the death stare from the other hunter, I sat back and contemplated the rest of the diners.  It was a habit more than anything else.  It converted about two or three hundred.

Families, children arguing over burgers, chicken and fries, large cups of sugary drinks, not the best for them before getting on the plane, businessmen, sitting at single tables with coffee and a sandwich, teenagers, a group on a tour, no doubt like Rome or maybe not, all excited at the fact they were escaping school.  Some had that doe-eyed look of high school sweethearts, and trouble looming.

I remembered the one trip my class had gone on and the fallout from that.

There were groups of elderly passengers also going on a holiday, a tour guide trying to keep them together, and women, one group in particular, that looked like trouble.  One had just returned with a dozen drinks, wiped escaping their husbands, and why not?

No immediate threats.

I looked at the chicken, shrugged and took a chip instead.  The coffee tasted like instant, water and powdered milk.  Who knew what came out of that coffee machine, but it wasn’t what I would call coffee.  Maybe my standards were too high.

Then I saw rather than heard a strange sound, and followed it to a table four along and one out from the shrubbery.  Four seats.  One man, a thug in a suit, a well-dressed man who reeked of money but not class, and a young woman who was trying not to look terrified.

I suspect the man in the suit had inflicted some hidden punishment on her because she was massaging her hand.  I looked away just before he looked in my direction.

He did the same scan I had, looking for trouble.

This could be one of two scenarios.  The girl, girlfriend or spouse had tried to run away and had been caught.  Usually, they would return by car, but maybe they were from overseas.  The three men looked foreign.

The other, less likely, was a felon being taken back to jail.  Or elsewhere, but then she would be in cuffs.  He didn’t look like law enforcement.

Another thug in a suit came back with a tray of food and drinks and distributed it before sitting.  An air of serenity settled on them.

I went back to my chicken.

It was a relatively calm half hour; the children at the table next to me were the typical family.  The boy wanted a hamburger and got chicken; the girl wanted chicken and got a hamburger.  The boy took a bite out of the chicken, and the girl refused to eat it.

Dad didn’t get the free toy that came with the food, and in the end, the mother had to sort it all out.  The father typically got exactly what he wanted.

Another child and another nearby table spilt his drink all over the father, and harsh words and tears ensued.

Queues for food were long, and tempers were fraying.  My new friends, four tables over to the left, left their mess on the table and walked off, the girl almost dragged away by the man in the expensive suit.

Something was definitely wrong there.

The lady who was wiping tables just had a whole lot more work added to the endless task of cleaning up spilled drinks and food scraps thrown on the floor.  People obviously left their manners at home.

I cleaned up my mess, wiped the table with a spare wet towel and dumped the leftovers in the appropriate bin.  The cleaning lady smiled in my direction. That was one less out of 200 tables.

I wandered slowly towards the gate, with a little under an hour to go.  There were people scattered in the seating area, including my new friends.  On my way in, I surreptitiously took a photograph of the rich guy, and when I sat down, studied it.

He had a familiar look, not belonging to someone I had met before, but someone I had seen before.   The seat next to me had a hostile folder of newspapers sitting on it, perhaps from the last flight out.

Maybe if they were leaving from here, they would be in the local paper.

Or as loath as I was to call upon a friend, who was a colleague who’d done favours for me in the past, I could send a copy of the photo and ask him to identify who it is.

Of course, it came with a degree of risk, especially if the person had a history.  I sent it anyway; Rodney would make an assessment and let me know.

Five minutes.  My cell phone vibrated.  “Investigating!”

Meanwhile, back in the newspaper, The Denver Post, I found it odd to be reading an actual newspaper and not the usual online services.  If I were staying instead of passing through, like some of the others on refresher courses, it would make a useful reference.

But nothing about our mysterious man or his companion.  But if I wanted to find out where the 4th July fireworks displays were, very useful.

I didn’t plan to be in the country.  The holiday had lost its significance given the times we were in, and the fact that our history was being rewritten to reflect something that was nothing like what happened.

My father, who has been an American History professor and scholar of all things American, including the so-called shameful parts of it, would be spinning in his grave.  I was just plain disappointed.

Just as the boarding call came, my phone vibrated again.  “Sam Kawalski and the woman Zuzanna Wojcik, the youngest daughter of the alleged head of a crime family from New Jersey.  They were married about a month ago.  Documents attached.”

I sent back a thanks and joined the queue.  I took the paper for the crossword and had some interesting reading.

They were sitting up front.  I was sitting in the back.  Fortunately, this time I was not surrounded by children.  I was, however, in direct line to the restrooms.  It was going to be a fun four hours.

I only had to stand once to let the window seat passenger in.  Our plane was not full, and a lot of middle seats were free.

She smiled politely as she squeezed past after putting her small suitcase in the overhead bin, then sat.  My initial assessment was that she was dressed to travel in business class, and maybe hoping for an upgrade.

She had that purposeful look like she was coming from or going to a meeting, what I would call an executive, though her age may suggest either lawyer or accountant.

Then I decided it was none of my business.

Until she spoke to me.  Normally, I would just ignore fellow passengers, or they would ignore me. But this was coach, I was used to business.  People around me nodded or said hello. 

“Work or pleasure?” 

It took a moment to register that she was speaking to me.  My attention was still on Kawalski, and the other passengers who brought far too much cabin luggage.  The hostesses were working overtime trying to find space and shunt tardy and somewhat confused people to their seats.

I turned to look at her and realised she might be older than I first thought.  Which had absolutely no bearing on anything.

“A business meeting, then pleasure.  Jamaica.”  I don’t know why I told her where I was going.

“Lucky you.  I’ve been there once, to a conference, and didn’t get much time to see the sights.  Keep meaning to go back.”

“If only we had 40-hour days?”

She took that in, processed it, then smiled again.  I could not imagine her being angry.

“If only.”

“You?  Business or something else?”  I deliberately threw in a curve, just to see what happened.

A momentary expression changed, just long enough for those trained to look for them to see it.  Then back again.

“I would be in a party dress if it were not business.”

Was there just a slight edge to her tone?

In any other situation, I might have said she would look nice in a party dress, but these days those sorts of comments are frowned upon.

“I’m sorry then.”

“For what?”

“Forgetting that others have to work.  You don’t need people saying they’re going on holiday when you’re not.”

“It doesn’t bother me, after all, I asked you first.”

Her tone had suggested otherwise, but then my tone would be grumpy if the person next to me started babbling on about where they were going.

But good or bad, it killed the moment, and she rummaged in her bag and pulled out a Kindle reader.

One more supposition, she probably read romance novels.  I wrestled the paper into a smaller square and started on the crossword.

All the passengers were aboard, and the hostesses were doing their mandatory checks.  The door had been closed.

We would be leaving on time.

The trouble with travelling in a confined space with a lot of people is that no matter how hard you try to shut people out, you can’t.

Up front of the plane, you are more isolated; back in the rear, you are surrounded.  Screaming kids, noisy parents, the one person who has the volume up high, and the kid who runs up and down the aisle, bumping people.

And as I discovered, the number of people who lurch from side to side, bumping people as they go.  And the proximity to the restrooms, people congregated, towering over you, squashing into you when they tried to move out of the way.

And the conversations they had.  People whom you’d least expect to speak like drunken sailors three sheets to the wind.  I felt it necessary to stand, accidentally standing on one of their feet, and apologising profusely, after causing her to cry out in pain, and then getting assistance back to her seat.

A half dozen people nodded in my direction, clearly relieved that they had gone away.  My neighbour thought it amusing, perhaps something she would have done herself.

People were more wary standing anywhere near me when they came, or, like sensible people, waited for the green light before coming down. 

The next time she headed down, without her friend, I stood and went down to the galley to stand by the rear exit door.  She approached very cautiously.

Lesson learned.

Shortly after, the plane dipped, and we were in landing mode.  I went back to my seat.  The hostesses passed through the plane, getting everyone sorted.

The last trolley had passed by into the galley, just as we all heard the girl who had suffered that unfortunate accident, now standing next to the last seat in business class, pointing and yelling, “You’re that horrible man who beat up my friend at Rodin’s the other night.”

She was pointing directly at the man in the suit.

Next minute, one of the thugs had her in a stranglehold, and she was screaming.  A scream that polarised the whole plane. 

The stewards were mortified and helpless at this point.  The thug was trying to quieten her, and there were groans and complaints, until the thug yelled out, “Everyone, be quiet or else.

The last two words carried emphasis and a latent threat.  The noise died down.

It drew an uncharacteristic response from my travelling companion, “What the fuck… “

“An altercation with that girl.  Seems she knows one of the passengers in business, and not in a good  way.”

The thug wasn’t letting her go, but at least the screams had stopped.  So had everything.

I turned around, and the hostess was on the phone with the captain.  I heard, “We have a situation…”

That was putting it mildly.  This was a no-win situation for anyone.  We wouldn’t be landing with passengers standing in the aisle.  The thug had nowhere to go.  The girl would be leveraged until she wasn’t.  Just the thought of that worried me.

Planes were small places where things could go wrong very quickly.

And Kowalski had become a cornered rat.

The papers on him were basically the bio of a kid gone wrong, hitching his wagon to the wrong train, marrying the boss’s daughter, and then committing the ultimate folly, thinking his status could protect him from being stupid.

On bail for the assault, he was fleeing.  If it wasn’t for the fact that his wife was running from him, also a victim of assault, he would not have been in Denver.

He was a bail violator and now a party to what could be described as a major aeroplane felony.  With a plane load of hostages.

The Captain had nowhere to go, but had to try.

“Everyone not involved in the situation, please resume your seats and prepare for landing.  This plane cannot land until all passengers have resumed their seats.  Be advised that we will not be using a gate, but have been directed to another section of the airport where both local police and the FBI will be waiting.  I would ask that no one make this any worse than it already is, and would ask for calm and obey any and all instructions given by the senior cabin steward.”

The girl’s companion was now telling everyone in a loud voice the circumstances of their friend’s assault, and using disparaging language directed at Kowalski.  The other thug was waiting for a signal from Kawalski.

At least everyone was reseated except for the thug with the girl, who was now sobbing.

Kawalski stood and glared at the cabin manager, also responsible for the business class passengers.

He told the thug to bring the girl forward, and he told the manager to empty the first three rows and seat them elsewhere.

It looked like one or two were going to argue, but then the other got out of his seat and dragged one of the complainers out of his seat.  The rest moved quickly, taking what they could.

So far, so good.

I slowly got out of my seat and went back to the hostess on the phone.

“Sir, you should go back to your seat.”

“I might be able to help.  Can you ask the captain to talk to whoever it is in New York and ask them if there is a Joseph Binns in the terminal?  He’s my boss and someone who deals with situations like this.  He’ll know I’m on board.”

“Who are you?”

“Who I am is irrelevant.  Except I could become those two thugs worst nightmare.  Kawalski, their boss, is bad news.  He’s bringing his wife back to New Jersey against her will, and I think he was hoping this would go under the radar.”

At that moment, I realised the plane had levelled out and was in a large circuit.  It might not last long if the fuel is low.

“Are you law enforcement?”

“Not the sort that flashed badges.  Just ask him to call.”

She did, relaying a brief resume of what I told her.

“He’s talking to them now.”

Five long minutes passed before I saw her move slightly, then say, “He’s here.”  She passed me the phone.

“Kevin Andrews?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m told you might be able to help.”

“We’re not going to get on the ground while they are moving around.  Also, I think they will start using passengers to force you to land the plane, and probably use some to get away once we are on the ground.  This is one of those no-win situations.”

“Not ideal then?”

He was calm and probably hoping his worst nightmare was a flaky engine.

“It never is.  I’m going to try to neutralise the problem.  It might get messy.  And I might not succeed.  But I could use the element of surprise.  Can you make sudden downwards or sideways movements, the sort where you are briefly disoriented?  Kind of like hitting an air pocket.”

“When?”

“Give it ten minutes.  No warning, just do it. Hard left and down.  Hopefully, I’ll be in place by then.”

“Ten minutes.  Got it.  Good luck.”

I was hugging to need it.

I handed the phone back.  “Stow everything likely to cause a problem.  If you can tell those up the front with alerting them, do it.”

The other steward unlocked a drawer and pulled out a rather interesting knife.  It might be illegal, but it was going to make my job easier.

“Got any string, rope, bindings?”

From the same drawer, twine.  Ideal.

“Good.  Keep it handy.”  I took the knife and hid it up my sleeve.

I looked at my watch.  Seven minutes.  I shrugged.  Time to go.

I slowly walked up the aisle.  My row companion gave me a rather wide-eyed look as I went past.  Maybe she thought I had a death wish.

Maybe I did.

I took my time.  Halfway, one of the thugs saw me.

“Go back to your seat.”

“Sorry.  Can’t.  Have to use the restrooms.  Ours are full of people sitting because of you.”

I edged slowly closer, both watching me.  What they were going to do was the unpredictable item in this equation.

Eight minutes, alongside the first row of coach.  Five years, maybe six.  The steward and manager had moved back into the galley area.  The two men and the girl were near the door.

I would only have a few seconds at best, and I would have to incapacitate them.  The knife would do that if I got them in the right place.  Luckily, part of the refresher I’d just been on was 101 ways to silently and quickly kill your enemy with a knife.  Any knife.

Nine minutes.  I took a deep breath and let it go slowly.  Calm.

Odd that in those last few seconds, I suddenly remembered nearly every time I’d landed at JFK and about 20 or 20 minutes out, we hit turbulence, once so bad it made most of the passengers airsick.

And on cue, ten seconds before the plane was to lurch, we hit turbulence and, thirty seconds after that, an air pocket and suddenly the plane dipped, violently.

Anyone who wasn’t in a seat belt hit the roof.  I was vac3d because I was expecting a lurch.  In the end, the turbulence did the job for me.

The two thugs and Kawalski hit the roof and were knocked clean out.  The plane found clean air with a thud, but the turbulence didn’t stop.  The captain explained and asked for calm.

Everyone had heeded the earlier seatbelt call, and the only three casualties were the three problem passengers.  The girl had fainted just before the air pocket, and the thug had ironically protected her from hitting the roof.

She was now sprawled on the ground.

The hostess from the rear arrived breathless and with cut lengths of twine.  Three burly men came and hoisted the three into seats in the front rows, and tied them very securely.

The manager up front relayed the news to the captain, and a minute or two later, we were descending.  A half-hour delay.  We were back to preparing the cabin for landing.

I had a few words with? First in Polish, then in English, to see if she was alright.  She said she had seen me at the airport in Denver and hoped that I had recognised her distress and alerted the authorities.

She said her father would be grateful.  I told her that she should forget I existed.  Trouble always had a way of finding me without help.

Then I went back to my seat.  In reality, I had done nothing wrong.  Whatever plan I had was sketchy at best, and I thanked whoever it was for intervening.

My seat companion looked over as I did up the seatbelt.  “What did you say you did for a living?”

“Problem solver, though I wouldn’t say I was very good at it.  Mother Nature always has an answer to just about any problem.”

“What were you going to do?”

“Use the plane differently.  Then I remembered that there’s always turbulence.  Catch them off guard, maybe.  In the end, I didn’t have to.”

“You do this often?”

“No.”

“Then why?”

“Somebody had to do something.  I have places to be.  Can’t have assholes holding me, and everyone else, up.”

“Well, this was exciting.  I’m just a boring librarian who sometimes gives tours at the Smithsonian.  The biggest event is someone who has a bathroom emergency.  Perhaps we could start again.  My name is Jennifer MacAndrews, Librarian.”

“Kevin Andrews, occasional Problem Solver.”

The plane shuddered as we went through another layer of turbulence.  We could see land through the cloud cover.  It would be raining when we landed.

As the wheels came down, the pilot advised us that we would be going to a closed area of the airport when the prisoners would be taken off.  Then the passengers would be transferred to buses and taken to the terminal.

“Staying in New York after your meeting?” she asked.

“Yes.”

“I’m going to do something I never do.  Another first, if you like.  Can I buy you dinner for saving us, or trying to, anyway?”

She definitely did not look like the sort of woman who would offer dinner dates to perfect strangers.  Even so, I should decline.

“You don’t know me.  I could be an axe murderer.”

“You could be.  I have many interesting conversational topics that might interest you, being a librarian.”

So the axe murderer line wasn’t going to work on her. 

“When is your meeting?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Are you staying anywhere near the Hilton on 6th Avenue?”

“By coincidence, I am.”

“Then if I am free at 7pm, I’ll call your room, and if you’re in, we’ll see what happens?”

She smiled.  “We shall.”

The plane landed, everyone applauded, an odd reaction and one I have never had explained.

It took a while before the FBI officers came aboard, spoke to the captain and then took the three men away.  They did not take Zuzanna Wojcik.

Then the passengers filed off, and I waited until everyone left before I went forward.  Jennifer waited with me.  Apparently, she was in no hurry.

The captain and an FBI officer were waiting.  I shook hands, told them both that I was glad I didn’t have to do anything, and that the true heroes were the passengers who tied them up.

My boss was among those at the bottom of the stairs, waiting to take me away to that meeting.  I shook hands with Jennifer, and she joined the last of the passengers on the bus.

“You made a new friend.”

“Window seat, my row.”

“Not screaming kids?”

“They were three rows ahead.  It’s not so bad in the back of the plane.  I hear it’s the safest place in a crash.”

He shrugged.  “Always something with you.”

“What can I say?”

“Next time, you will try to remain anonymous.  Your next job was to investigate Zuzanna Wojcik’s family.  Can’t do that now she knows who you are.”

“Or…”

He shook his head.  “You really don’t have a death wish.  You have two weeks’ vacation.  We’ll talk about it later.  Who was the girl?”

“A librarian at the Smithsonian.”

“Good.  You could do well to learn something other than ways to kill people.”

If I called her.  I was having second thoughts. A girl like her didn’t need to know someone like me.  It was one of the downsides of the job.

The baggage handlers were offloading the last of the baggage, and the plane sat on the tarmac, now in the hands of the cleaners.

In a few hours, it would be off to another airport, most of the passengers would be going to hotels, visiting others or going home.  For them, it was just another day in their lives.  They would never know just how close they came to dying.

And in my case, I had been lucky.  Stupid but lucky.  It put a thought into my head that until I spoke to Jennifer, I would never have turned up there.

Was it time I gave up the idealistic dream that I could save the world, one mission at a time?  The fact is, I couldn’t, and wasn’t.

My boss opened the door to the limo.  “Opportunity awaits.”

I got in and moved over.  He climbed in and shut the door.  “Let’s go.”

And for the first time, I was thinking of something other than work.

©  Charles Heath  2026

Harry Walthenson, Private Detective – the second case – A case of finding the “Flying Dutchman”

What starts as a search for a missing husband soon develops into an unbelievable story of treachery, lies, and incredible riches.

It was meant to remain buried long enough for the dust to settle on what was once an unpalatable truth, when enough time had passed, and those who had been willing to wait could reap the rewards.

The problem was, no one knew where that treasure was hidden or the location of the logbook that held the secret.

At stake, billions of dollars’ worth of stolen Nazi loot brought to the United States in an anonymous tramp steamer and hidden in a specially constructed vault under a specifically owned plot of land on the once docklands of New York.

It may have remained hidden and unknown to only a few, if it had not been for a mere obscure detail being overheard …

… by our intrepid, newly minted private detective, Harry Walthenson …

… and it would have remained buried.

Now, through a series of unrelated events, or are they, that well-kept secret is out there, and Harry will not stop until the whole truth is uncovered.

Even if it almost costs him his life.  Again.

The 2 am Rant: Life’s little experiences seem to have disappeared

I’m on a riverboat, sailing slowly down the Nile, ahead of us the Pyramids, a sight, I’m told, to behold despite the ravages of time.

There are others, a curious bunch of people, drawn from all over the globe, and from different classes, in a time when that seemed to matter.

Of course, it’s 1935.

And it’s all in my head.  Something I’d seen somewhere, or read perhaps, and now that I come to think of it, it was an Agatha Christie murder mystery.

Even now, nearly a hundred years later, it may have been possible to replicate it; only a world war, British Empire aspirations and later abandonment, and civil strife made it difficult, but not impossible.

And then, closing off travel anywhere, COVID-19 finished the job.

For someone who likes to travel the world, looking for locations and inspiration for my stories, that had made life far more unbearable than just having to remain locked up for fear of catching it. And, even though it is gone, we now seem to have was popping up everywhere, closing off things that we just took for granted would be there forever.

Not any more. Nationalism, greed, and in some cases, utter stupidity, are closing off countries that are no longer safe to visit. Even the United States was once thought to be the safest place on earth.

Gone are those treasured moments…

Like sitting at an outside cafe overlooking the main piazza in San Gimignano, having a pizza, an authentic pizza, and a bottle of Moretti beer.

Like wandering the narrow cobbled streets of Florence, staying in what was once a 12th-century monastery, having wild boar pasta, and just a short distance away, a gelato.

Like wandering around similarly narrow and cobbled laneways in Montmartre, stopping at a corner crepe restaurant, where the crepes are to die for.

Taking that away is like taking away a hand or a leg.

How long will it be before the world returns to normal, or will it?

In my conspiracy theory mind, it seems to me there is more going on than just viruses and greed; it has overtones of world domination, or worse, watching the destruction of the world economy, and capitalism for want of a better word, at the same pace that climate change is changing the planet.

Neither occurrence is new; it’s happened time and time again over many millennia, and it’s just that we don’t seem to learn from it.   

Well, maybe not in my lifetime. 

Let’s hope generations to come do.

 

 

What I learned about writing – Riveting prose for the dull banality of life

The Unsung Epic: How Everyday Life Becomes Riveting Prose

“Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.”

It’s a line that resonates deeply with anyone who loves a good story. We crave the heightened stakes, the emotional rollercoasters, the twists and turns that define our favourite books, films, and series. But what if I told you that the “dull bits” aren’t always so dull? What if the real magic lies not in eliminating them, but in learning to see the drama hidden beneath their unassuming surface?

The challenge is enticing: Can we take everyday events and turn them into riveting prose? My answer, unequivocally, is yes. And in doing so, we don’t just write better stories; we learn to live a richer, more observant life.

Beyond Explosions: What Is Drama, Really?

First, let’s redefine “drama.” It’s not always grand gestures or world-ending stakes. At its core, drama is about conflict, tension, and emotion. It’s about a character wanting something and facing obstacles in getting it. It’s about choices, consequences, and the raw vulnerability of being human.

Consider that infamous “dull bits” pile: commuting, waiting in line, doing laundry, making coffee. On the surface, these are the unglamorous necessities of existence. But with a writer’s eye, they become potential stages for micro-dramas.

The Writer’s Superpower: Perspective and Pressure

The secret weapon for transforming the mundane is perspective. It’s about zooming in, acknowledging the internal monologue, and applying pressure.

  1. Zoom In: A spilled coffee isn’t just a stain; it’s the sudden, hot shock, the ruined shirt on the morning of a crucial presentation, the ripple effect of lateness. The drama isn’t the coffee itself, but what it means to the person experiencing it.
  2. Internal Monologue: We rarely share the full, rich narrative of our minds. What anxieties bubble up while waiting for a delayed train? What silent arguments play out as we fold a partner’s forgotten items? The internal world is a universe of untold stories, rife with hope, fear, regret, and determination.
  3. Apply Pressure: Take any everyday event and ask: What if something goes wrong? What if the stakes are slightly higher for this particular character?
    • The Commute: It’s not just a drive; it’s a desperate race against the clock to pick up a child from daycare before late fees kick in. The brake lights ahead aren’t just an inconvenience; they’re a physical manifestation of rising panic.
    • The Grocery Store: It’s not just a shopping trip; it’s the careful balancing act of an elderly person on a fixed income, trying to make healthy food last an entire week from a dwindling budget. Every price tag is a small, quiet battle.
    • The Awkward Conversation: It’s not just polite small talk; it’s a son trying to delicately broach a sensitive subject with his aging father, hoping to connect before it’s too late, fearing misinterpretation or dismissal.

Unearthing the Micro-Conflicts

Everyday life is brimming with small conflicts:

  • Person vs. Self: The internal debate over whether to speak up, to forgive, to take a risk, or to stick to the comfort of routine.
  • Person vs. Nature/Environment: The unexpected downpour when you forgot your umbrella, the power outage during a critical deadline, the unreliable public transport.
  • Person vs. Person (Subtle): The passive-aggressive note from a roommate, the slight that goes unaddressed, the unspoken tension across a dinner table, the small power plays in a queue.

These mini-struggles, when given the prose treatment, become relatable and powerful. They remind readers of their own quiet battles and hidden heroics.

The Art of Observation and Sensory Detail

To write riveting prose from the ordinary, you must become an exceptional observer.

  • What do you see? Not just objects, but the way light falls, the subtle expressions on faces, the wear and tear of time.
  • What do you hear? The hum of the refrigerator, the distant rumble of traffic, the specific cadence of a voice.
  • What do you feel? The cold ceramic of a mug, the ache in tired muscles, the prickle of irritation.
  • What do you smell and taste? The comforting aroma of baking bread, the metallic tang of fear, the bitterness of burnt toast.

These details ground your reader in the moment, making even the most mundane scene vivid and immersive.

So, Can We Do It?

Absolutely. By acknowledging the inherent drama in our struggles, choices, and interactions – no matter how small – we unlock a boundless reservoir of material. We aren’t cutting out the dull bits; we’re illuminating the hidden drama within them.

Next time you’re waiting in line, stuck in traffic, or simply watching the world go by, challenge yourself. What’s the story here? What’s at stake for the person beside you? What internal monologue is playing out in your own mind?

The world isn’t just a stage for grand narratives; it’s a collection of countless, intricate, and often riveting personal epics, waiting for us to notice, understand, and perhaps, to write them down.


What “dull bit” of your day do you think holds a hidden story? Share in the comments below!

365 Days of writing, 2026 – My Second Story 23

More about my second novel

I’m going over the conversation Olga is having with John now that he is her prisoner.

On the first run through, it seemed to make sense, but as we all know, when you read the conversation out loud, often it sounds terrible.

A question of, “Would I say that?”

Whilst snatching John off the street was a rather simple task, made easier by the fact that he was not expecting it, Olga is not sure whether it is a big act.

Working with Irina has made her wary of everyone and everything, even more so since Irina had left her charge, but she knows just how much Irina has evolved into the Zoe her son tried to keep on a leash, with spectacularly awful results.

Had she been training John to be like her?

Has Sebastian been training John to become a spy, or was he one already?  After all, why is someone like John, if he is that reputed computer nerd type, doing with a girl like Irina?

Her preference would have to be someone strong, authoritative, masculine, like Alistair.  The problem was that she hadn’t driven out all of the emotions in the time she spent with her.

So, sitting opposite each other, John and Olga try to do their individual assessments.

She finally admits that she doesn’t want to kill Irina, just rehabilitate her.

John, of course, is horrified at the thought of them brainwashing her, especially if they send her after him again.

It comes down to a single point.  Will he do as she asks and invite her to come and get him?

What neither of them realises is that Irina already knows where they are, and any plans Olga might have will be useless.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – My Second Story 23

More about my second novel

I’m going over the conversation Olga is having with John now that he is her prisoner.

On the first run through, it seemed to make sense, but as we all know, when you read the conversation out loud, often it sounds terrible.

A question of, “Would I say that?”

Whilst snatching John off the street was a rather simple task, made easier by the fact that he was not expecting it, Olga is not sure whether it is a big act.

Working with Irina has made her wary of everyone and everything, even more so since Irina had left her charge, but she knows just how much Irina has evolved into the Zoe her son tried to keep on a leash, with spectacularly awful results.

Had she been training John to be like her?

Has Sebastian been training John to become a spy, or was he one already?  After all, why is someone like John, if he is that reputed computer nerd type, doing with a girl like Irina?

Her preference would have to be someone strong, authoritative, masculine, like Alistair.  The problem was that she hadn’t driven out all of the emotions in the time she spent with her.

So, sitting opposite each other, John and Olga try to do their individual assessments.

She finally admits that she doesn’t want to kill Irina, just rehabilitate her.

John, of course, is horrified at the thought of them brainwashing her, especially if they send her after him again.

It comes down to a single point.  Will he do as she asks and invite her to come and get him?

What neither of them realises is that Irina already knows where they are, and any plans Olga might have will be useless.

The story behind the story – Echoes from the Past

The novel ‘Echoes from the Past’ started out as a short story I wrote about 30 years ago, titled ‘The Birthday’.

My idea was to take a normal person out of their comfort zone and led on a short but very frightening journey to a place where a surprise birthday party had been arranged.

Thus, the very large man with a scar and a red tie was created.

So was the friend with the limousine who worked as a pilot.

So were the two women, Wendy and Angelina, who were Flight Attendants that the pilot friend asked to join the conspiracy.

I was going to rework the short story, then about ten pages long, into something a little more.

And like all rewrites, especially those I have anything to do with, it turned into a novel.

There was motivation.  I had told some colleagues at the place where I worked at the time that I liked writing, and they wanted a sample.  I was going to give them the re-worked short story.  Instead, I gave them ‘Echoes from the past’

Originally, it was not set anywhere in particular.

But when considering a location, I had, at the time, recently been to New York in December, and visited Brooklyn and Queens, as well as a lot of New York itself.  We were there for New Year’s, and it was an experience I’ll never forget.

One evening, we were out late and finished up in Brooklyn Heights, near the waterfront, and there was rain and snow; it was cold and wet, and apartment buildings were shimmering in the street light, and I thought, “This is the place where my main character will live”.

It had a very spooky atmosphere, the sort where ghosts would not be unexpected.  I felt more than one shiver go up and down my spine in the few minutes I was there.

I had taken notes, as I always do, of everywhere we went, so I had a ready supply of locations I could use, changing the names in some cases.

Fifth Avenue near the Rockefeller Centre is amazing at first light, and late at night with the Seasonal decorations and lights.

The original main character was a shy man with few friends, hence not expecting the surprise party.  I enhanced that shyness into purposely lonely because of an issue from his past that leaves him always looking over his shoulder and ready to move on at the slightest hint of trouble.  No friends, no relationships, just a very low profile.

Then I thought, what if he breaks the cardinal rule and begins a relationship?

But it is also as much an exploration of a damaged soul as it is the search for a normal life, without having any idea what normal was, and how the understanding of one person can sometimes make all the difference in what we may think or feel.

And, of course, I wanted a happy ending.

Except for the bad guys.

Get it here:  https://amzn.to/2CYKxu4

newechocover5rs

What I learned about writing – Beta Readers

The Delicate Art of Beta Reading: Who to Trust With Your First Draft (And How to Ask)

Congratulations. You did the impossible. You typed “The End.”

That rush of relief, accomplishment, and sheer terror is the signature cocktail of the first-draft writer. You have a manuscript—a beautiful, messy, wonderful secret—and now you need to expose it to the light.

But who do you trust with your raw, vulnerable creation?

Sending your draft out for feedback is like choosing a mechanic for a car that’s barely held together with duct tape and hope. You don’t need a cheerleader; you need an expert who knows how to spot engine failure. Asking the wrong people can lead to useless praise, crippling negativity, or advice that sends you spiralling down the wrong revision path.

Here is your professional guide on curating the perfect feedback team and asking them the right questions.


Tier 1: The Inner Circle (The Mechanics)

These are the people who will look at the bones of your story. They are not focused on typos or beautiful prose—they are hunting for structural integrity and inherent flaws.

1. The Critique Partner (CP)

Who they are: A fellow working writer. Ideally, someone who writes in your genre or a similar one, and who understands the difference between a first draft and a finished product.

Why you need them: CPs see the craft. They can identify a weak inciting incident, inconsistent character motivation, pacing problems, and major plot holes. They understand the mechanics of story development and won’t confuse their personal preferences with necessary improvements.

The Golden Rule: Choose someone with whom you have an established reciprocal relationship. Critique is a two-way street; you should be dedicated to giving them thoughtful, critical feedback as well.

2. The Professional (The Editor)

Who they are: Someone who understands the publishing industry, perhaps a developmental editor you respect, or a writing coach.

Why you need them: While you might not hire a full developmental editor for your first draft, getting a manuscript evaluation from a professional can save you months of wasted revision time. They offer an objective, market-aware perspective that no friend or spouse can provide.


Tier 2: The Broader Circle (The Target Audience)

Once the structure is sound, you need to know if the book is enjoyable and if it hits the right notes for the people who will actually buy it. This is where you broaden your scope.

3. The Avid Reader

Who they are: Someone who reads 5-10 books per month, specifically in your genre. If you wrote a space opera, they must be a space opera fan. If you wrote gritty domestic suspense, they must devour psychological thrillers.

Why you need them: They represent your market. They are looking purely for the reading experience.

  • Do the tropes feel fresh?
  • Is the world immersive?
  • Did the ending satisfy me as a fan of this type of story?

This group provides essential data on market viability and reader expectations. They don’t care about your comma splices—they care about the emotional arc and the page-turning factor.

4. The “Non-Genre” Neutral Reader

Who they are: A highly literate individual who enjoys good stories but doesn’t necessarily specialise in your genre.

Why you need them: This reader tests the universality of your story. If your narrative relies too heavily on niche terminology or genre conventions, the neutral reader will get lost. If they love the characters, even if they never read Sci-Fi, you know you have something special. Just be careful: if they hate your book, make sure it’s not just because they inherently dislike the genre itself.


The Feedback Blacklist: Who to Avoid Asking

The biggest pitfall for first-time sharers is asking the wrong people—those whose feedback is either too gentle or entirely irrelevant.

PersonWhy You Should Avoid Them
Your Spouse/ParentsThey love you, not necessarily your draft. They will offer useless kindness that doesn’t help you improve.
People Who Hate Your GenreThey will critique the genre conventions (e.g., “Why did it have dragons?”) rather than your execution (e.g., “The dragons felt unnecessary to the plot.”).
The Overly Critical CoworkerIf their feedback is designed to make them feel superior or crush your spirit, it serves no purpose. Seek constructive criticism, not malicious dissection.
Someone Who Doesn’t ReadThey won’t understand pacing, structure, or reader expectation. Their notes will likely focus on surface-level issues easily fixed later.

The Secret Ingredient: How to Ask (The Feedback Toolkit)

Sending an email that says, “Tell me what you think,” is a recipe for vague, unhelpful responses. You need to give your readers a job description.

Before sending the manuscript, do three things:

1. Set the Stage (Manage Expectations)

Remind your reader that this is a first draft. It is messy. There are typos. The pacing might be terrible in Act II. This preemptive honesty frees them from trying to be polite about the obvious flaws and allows them to focus on the big picture.

2. Provide Targeted Questions

This is the most critical step. Instead of asking for a general opinion, give them 3–5 specific tasks related to your known weaknesses.

Examples of Targeted Questions:

  • “Did the protagonist’s actions in Chapter 12 feel consistent with their personality in Chapter 4?” (Testing character arc/consistency)
  • “Where exactly did you feel the tension drop? (Please mark the page number.)” (Testing pacing)
  • “Was the antagonist’s motivation clear and compelling, or did they feel like a cliché villain?” (Testing antagonist development)
  • “As a fan of [Genre], did the opening chapter hook you effectively?” (Testing the entry point/voice)

3. Offer Clear Instructions

Use a common format (Word Doc with Tracked Changes enabled, or Google Docs with Comments). Set a reasonable deadline (4–6 weeks for a novel-length work) and stick to it. If they miss the deadline, move on. Your writing schedule is paramount.

The Final Filter

Once the feedback starts rolling in, the work is not over. Your last, and most important, job is to be the Chief Executive Officer of Your Novel.

Not all feedback is created equal. If one reader hates a scene, but five others loved it, ignore the outlier. If three different people flag the same exact problem (e.g., “The middle section dragged”), you have identified a factual flaw that needs fixing.

Your first draft is an experiment. Feedback is the data. Learn to read the data dispassionately, apply what helps the story, and toss the rest with confidence. Now, take a deep breath, hit ‘send,’ and prepare for the rewrite.