‘The Devil You Don’t’ – A beta reader’s view

It could be said that of all the women one could meet, whether contrived or by sheer luck, what are the odds it would turn out to be the woman who was being paid a very large sum to kill you?

John Pennington is a man who may be lucky in business, but not so lucky in love. He has just broken up with Phillipa Sternhaven, the woman he thought was the one, but relatives and circumstances, and perhaps because she was a ‘princess’, may also have contributed to the end result.

So, what do you do when you are heartbroken?

That is a story that slowly unfolds, from the first meeting with his nemesis on Lake Geneva, all the way to a hotel room in Sorrento, where he learns the shattering truth.

What should have been solace after disappointment turns out to be something else entirely, and from that point, everything goes to hell in a handbasket.

He suddenly realises his so-called friend Sebastian has not exactly told him the truth about a small job he asked him to do, the woman he is falling in love with is not quite who she says she is, and he is caught in the middle of a war between two men who consider people becoming collateral damage as part of their business.

The story paints the characters, cleverly displaying all their flaws and weaknesses. The locations add to the story at times, taking me back down memory lane, especially to Venice, where, in those back streets, I confess it’s not all that hard to get lost.

All in all, a thoroughly entertaining story with, for once, a satisfying end.

…

Available on Amazon here: https://amzn.to/2Xyh1ow

…

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 78

Day 78 – Writers are outlaws

…

“I Became a Writer Because Writers Were Outlaws.”

Why the Rebel‑Heart Still Drives Literature – and Why It Matters Today

“I became a writer because writers were outlaws.” – Paul Theroux

When Paul Theroux drops this line in an interview, it feels like a secret handshake among anyone who has ever felt more at home in the margins than in the mainstream. It’s a declaration of allegiance to a lineage of “outlaw” writers—people who have deliberately stepped outside the accepted rules of language, politics, and morality to expose hidden truths, provoke discomfort, and, above all, keep the imagination untamed.

In this post, we’ll unpack what Theroux meant, trace the outlaw tradition from ancient epics to the digital age, and ask: Why does the rebel spirit of the writer still matter in a world that seems both more censored and more free than ever before?

1. The Outlaw Archetype: From Homer to the Underground Press

Era	“Outlaw” Writer	What Made Them a Rebel
Ancient Greece	Homer (if we accept the legendary status)	Oral poets who travelled, challenging the city‑state’s rigid mythic canon.
Renaissance	Giordano Brunelleschi’s “Il Principe” (although a political treatise, it was a seditious “how‑to” for power)	Directly confronted the Church’s monopoly on moral authority.
19th c.	Charles Dickens (early serials)	Exposed the underbelly of industrial London while keeping a popular voice.
Early 20th c.	James Joyce – Ulysses	Banned in the U.S. for “obscenity,” he turned narrative form itself into a crime.
Mid‑20c.	Jack Kerouac – On the Road	Celebrated a nomadic, drug‑tinged lifestyle that “damaged” the post‑war American ideal.
Late‑c.	Mikhail Bulgakov – The Master & Margarita	Wrote magical realism under Stalin’s watchful eye; the manuscript survived only because he hid it.
1990s‑2000s	William S. Burroughs – Naked Lunch	Banned, confiscated, and deemed “pornographic”; he embraced the “read‑it‑if‑you‑dare” culture.
Digital Age	Anonymous/Online Activist Writers (e.g., WikiLeaks, whistle‑blowers)	Disseminate classified information, turning the act of publishing into a legal risk.

The pattern is clear: outlaw writers are those who refuse to let the powers that be dictate what stories can be told, how they can be told, or who is allowed to hear them. They often operate at the intersection of art and activism, using narrative as a weapon.

2. Why Did Theroux Call Writers Outlaws?

Theroux’s own career is a perfect case study:

Travel as Subversion – He turned the travel memoir into a critique of colonialism, capitalism, and tourism. The Great Railway Bazaar (1975) does not simply catalogue stations; it reveals the hidden economies of displacement and the veneer of “exotic” hospitality.
Political Confrontation – In The Old Patagonian Express and later works, Theroux went into places under authoritarian regimes (Chile under Pinochet, Soviet‑occupied Afghanistan) and wrote about what the local press dared not say.
Narrative Style – He stripped away the sentimental travelogue, opting for a dry, observational prose that makes the reader feel the unease of being a foreigner. That “detached” voice is a form of rebellion against the romanticised wanderer myth.

When Theroux says, “I became a writer because writers were outlaws,” he’s acknowledging that the act of choosing the writer’s path is itself an act of rebellion—a deliberate sidestepping of conventional careers, societal expectations, and, often, personal safety.

3. The Mechanics of Literary Outlawry

What actually makes a writer an outlaw? It isn’t merely the content, but the method and the consequence.

Element	How It Turns a Writer Into an Outlaw
Form‑Breaking	Experimental structures (stream‑of‑consciousness, non‑linear narratives) that disregard “commercial” readability.
Forbidden Topics	Sex, drug use, political dissent, religion—subjects censored by governments or cultural gatekeepers.
Subversive Language	Slang, profanity, or invented dialects that erode the hegemony of “standard” language.
Risk of Reprisal	Arrest, exile, bans, or even death. The stakes give the work a visceral urgency.
Community Building	Underground presses, samizdat, zines, and now encrypted digital platforms that bypass mainstream distribution.

These mechanisms overlap. James Joyce’s Ulysses combined form‑breaking (the famous “stream of consciousness”) with taboo topics (sexuality, bodily functions). The novel’s ban in the United States turned it into a literal criminal case (the 1933 United States v. One Book Called Ulysses trial). The legal battle itself amplified the book’s status as a cultural outlaw.

4. Outlaw Writers in the Digital Era: New Frontiers, Same Spirit

You might think the internet has democratized publishing, erasing the “outlaw” label. Yet digital platforms have spawned a fresh breed of literary rebels:

Encrypted Journals – Writers in authoritarian states now post on Tor sites, using code words and self‑censorship to dodge surveillance.
Crowd‑Funded Zines – Platforms like Kickstarter let dissident poets launch limited‑run anthologies without a publisher’s gatekeeping.
AI‑Generated Satire – Projects that manipulate deep‑fake text to satirise political figures—legal grey areas that test the limits of free speech.
Social‑Media Manifestos – Threads that blur the line between short‑form poetry and protest; a 280‑character haiku can trigger a wave of real‑world action.

The outlaw’s toolbox has simply been upgraded. The risk—whether state censorship, doxxing, or platform bans—remains the same, but the reach is now global. A single tweet can ignite a movement in three continents the same way a pamphlet did in 1917.

5. Why We Still Need Literary Outlaws

Guardians of the Uncomfortable Truth
History remembers the outlaw for exposing what the majority prefers to ignore. From The Gulag Archipelago (Solzhenitsyn) to the modern whistle‑blower blogs, these works force societies to confront systemic violence.
Catalysts for Language Evolution
When writers defy linguistic norms, they expand the expressive capacity of language itself. Think of how Ulysses introduced new verb forms that later entered everyday English.
Counter‑Power to Market Homogenization
The publishing industry, driven by profit, often pushes formulaic best‑sellers. Outlaw writers serve as antidotes, reminding us that art can be messy, ambiguous, and even unprofitable.
Inspiration for Civic Engagement
A reader who discovers that a novelist risked imprisonment for a paragraph about police brutality is more likely to question authority and perhaps join a protest.

6. The Moral Ambiguity of “Outlaw” Status

Being an outlaw is not automatically virtuous. Some writers have used the rebel label to glorify violence, propagate hate, or romanticise criminality (e.g., extremist propaganda disguised as “literature”). The modern reader must therefore ask:

Who decides which outlaw narrative serves the public good?

The answer, paradoxically, often comes from collective critical discourse—reviews, academic analysis, and, increasingly, community moderation on digital platforms. The outlaw’s power lies not just in the act of publishing, but in the dialogue that follows.

7. How to Channel Your Inner Literary Outlaw

If Theroux’s quote resonates, you might be wondering how to embrace the outlaw spirit without getting locked up (unless you’re a spy novelist—then, go ahead). Here are practical steps:

Read Widely, Then Dig Deeper – Study classic outlaw writers. Note the techniques they used to circumvent censorship.
Experiment with Form – Try a story told entirely through footnotes, or a poem that uses only emojis.
Choose a Taboo Topic – Write about something you suspect your family or workplace avoids discussing.
Publish Outside the Box – Submit to literary journals that focus on experimental or political work, or use a self‑publishing platform with a Creative Commons license.
Build a Community – Join or start a writing circle that values risk‑taking. Online forums like r/experimentalwriting can be a good incubator.
Accept Consequences – Be prepared for criticism, rejection, or even legal pushback. The outlaw’s path is rarely comfortable.

8. Closing Thoughts: The Outlaw as a Mirror

Paul Theroux’s simple confession—“I became a writer because writers were outlaws”—does more than romanticise rebellion. It positions the writer as a mirror that reflects society’s cracks, a torch that lights hidden corridors, and a weapon that can dismantle oppressive narratives.

In a time when algorithms decide what we read, when governments label “fake news” as a crime, and when the very act of questioning can trigger deplatforming, the outlaw writer becomes even more essential. Not every writer will go to jail, but every writer can choose a moment to step outside the comfortable script, to ask the question that “outlaws” have always asked:

“What if we told a different story?”

If that question makes you a little uneasy, you might just be on the right track. And that, dear reader, is the true legacy of the literary outlaw.

—

If you enjoyed this exploration, let me know in the comments which outlaw writer has most inspired you, and feel free to share your own “outlaw” experiment. The rebellion, after all, thrives on conversation.

NaNoWriMo – April – 2026 – Day 5

Although the main reason for its existence is to follow Friday, in some cases, it is the first day of the weekend.

Once upon a time, Saturday used to be a working day, you know, those days when we worked a 48-hour week. Then it became a 44-hour week, and we only worked in the morning.

As time progressed, we started working 40 hour weeks and had both Saturday and Sunday off. Sunday, of course, was always a non-starter. The church made sure you were able to go to church on Sunday.

As time progressed, weekends started to begin on a Friday, with the day in question being granted by employers as a Rostered Day Off, provided you made up the time during the preceding two-week period.

Now it seems the standing joke is we should work weekends and have the week off. Odd, it hasn’t quite caught on yet.

But, as usual, I digress…

After a week that got out of control, Saturday was supposed to pull it back into some sort of shape. In a sense, it happened. I looked at that list of things I had to do, picked one and got on with it.

PI Walthenson is now about to get a second case, as intimated at the end of his first, involving not only the search for his missing father, but also the search for those who kidnapped him.

That done, I moved onto the helicopter story, otherwise titled ‘What happens after writing an action-packed start’, and I have been researching and making notes for the third section of this story, starting at episode 31, and it looks like we’re going back to Africa, and the remoter part of the Democratic Republic of Congo to rescue the two agents he failed to the first time.

And it is NaNoWriMo time, and I have to keep the writing project going, a story that has now been tentatively renamed to Betrayal. Very spy-ish, isn’t it?

With that, there is the upkeep of the blog. I never thought maintaining material for a blog would be so hard.

But…

Now I can say last week wasn’t a total disaster.

And, tomorrow the Maple Leafs are playing. Can’t wait.

“The Things we do for Love”, the story behind the story

This story has been ongoing since I was seventeen, and just to let you know, I’m 72 this year.

Yes, it’s taken a long time to get it done.

Why, you might ask.

Well, I never gave it much interest because I started writing it after a small incident when I was 17, and working as a book packer for a book distributor in Melbourne

At the end of my first year, at Christmas, the employer had a Christmas party, and that year, it was at a venue in St Kilda.

I wasn’t going to go because at that age, I was an ordinary boy who was very introverted and basically scared of his own shadow and terrified by girls.

Back then, I would cross the street to avoid them

Also, other members of the staff in the shipping department were rough and ready types who were not backwards in telling me what happened, and being naive, perhaps they knew I’d be either shocked or intrigued.

I was both adamant I wasn’t coming and then got roped in on a dare.

Damn!

So, back then, in the early 70s, people looked the other way when it came to drinking, and of course, Dutch courage always takes away the concerns, especially when normally you wouldn’t do half the stuff you wouldn’t in a million years

I made it to the end, not as drunk and stupid as I thought I might be, and St Kilda being a salacious place if you knew where to look, my new friends decided to give me a surprise.

It didn’t take long to realise these men were ‘men about town’ as they kept saying, and we went on an odyssey. Yes, those backstreet brothels where one could, I was told, have anything they could imagine.

Let me tell you, large quantities of alcohol and imagination were a very bad mix.

So, the odyssey in ‘The things we do’ was based on that, and then the encounter with Diana. Well, let’s just say I learned a great deal about girls that night.

Firstly, not all girls are nasty and spiteful, which seemed to be the case whenever I met one. There was a way to approach, greet, talk to, and behave.

It was also true that I could have had anything I wanted, but I decided what was in my imagination could stay there. She was amused that all I wanted was to talk, but it was my money, and I could spend it how I liked.

And like any 17-year-old naive fool, I fell in love with her and had all these foolish notions. Months later, I went back, but she had moved on, to where no one was saying or knew.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken and had to get over that first loss, which, like any 17-year-old, was like the end of the world.

But it was the best hour I’d ever spent in my life and would remain so until I met the woman I have been married to for the last 48 years.

As Henry, he was in part based on a rebel, the son of rich parents who despised them and their wealth, and he used to regale anyone who would listen about how they had messed up his life

If only I’d come from such a background!

And yes, I was only a run away from climbing up the stairs to get on board a ship, acting as a purser.

I worked for a shipping company and they gave their junior staff members an opportunity to spend a year at sea working as a purser on a cargo ship that sailed between Melbourne, Sydney and Hobart in Australia.

One of the other junior staff members’ turn came, and I would visit him on board when he would tell me stories about life on board, the officers, the crew, and other events. These stories, which sounded incredible to someone so impressionable, were a delight to hear.

Alas, by that time, I had tired of office work and moved on to be a tradesman at the place where my father worked.

It proved to be the right move, as that is where I met my wife. Diana had been right; love would find me when I least expected it.

…

The cinema of my dreams – I always wanted to see the planets – Episode 47

The four members of the high council – maybe

…

There was a man in a red suit, a man in a blue suit, a woman in a green suit and another woman in a grey suit.

Grey suit spoke first, “Are all you people from the earth as tiresome as you are Captain?”

She was either the lowest rank or the highest.

“We are an interesting bunch when you get to know us, which, despite this turn of events, I hope we do. We have a predilection for interfering in matters where we see injustices.”

“Be that as it may, I would like to remind you, that what might pass as acceptable behaviour on your planet, might not be on ours. You should be aware that in your travels, everyone you may or may not meet has their own specific rules, customs, and regulations which can and will be a lot different to yours.”

“I accept that, and in fact, in the briefing we had before leaving earth, it was impressed upon us that very premise. And I understand that we may be seen to be interfering in matters that are not our concern. But, and there’s always a but, that’s how we humans think and rationalise the many situations we often find ourselves in, we don’t like injustices.”

“Does what might appear an injustice to one, not be one to another? There is ample evidence in your history that points to those overlooking so-called injustices for the greater good?”

“That may be true in the past, but we like to think we have evolved into a better civilization. But we are not perfect, as you point out. However, this instance does not qualify as an instance for the greater good, it is simply the selfish whim of a single person. We have people who are supposed to set an example too and don’t, because they don’t believe the rules apply to them, and I would like to believe that you, too, would not tolerate this sort of behaviour in your leaders. Your people have been living on our planet for some time, I gather, so you should know that.”

Blue suit had been looking rather severely at me. “It was a mistake to let you people develop space travel capability. Our efforts to delay it haven’t been as successful as we had anticipated. You are not ready.”

That someone or something had been manipulating our progress would probably not come as a surprise to some back home. My knowledge of the steps we took to get where I was now pointed to several disasters that set the whole program back nearly twenty years, if not more.

I wonder how the Admiral would react when I told him. If I told him.

“It was inevitable, like everything we do. Unfortunately for you, we thrive on adversity.”

“You are not the only warlike race in the galaxy you know. You may want to hold off meeting them for as long as you can, but they know where you are, so there’s more than one inevitability.”

“By uttering those words, does that make you look more like the aggressors than us? The thing is, we’re out her for better or for worse, and I think you know what has transpired here is an injustice, but the ramifications are unpalatable. We have an expression; absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

Blue suit looked as though he was going to explode. “It is no use talking to these primitives.”

Grey suit glared at him. “It is your house that is not in order, and we have tolerated it for long enough.” She looked at her fellow members and received nods. Blue suit disappeared, most likely transported back to the planet.

Grey suit: “You are, using another of your sayings on earth, “treading on very thin ice.”

Green suit took up the narrative. “We believe you would not adhere to a request to turn around and go back home, so, before you alert the galaxy that you are now participants in intergalactic exploration, take heed of this warning. Not all species are friendly. Most are bound by customs and rules which are nothing like yours, and it is possible you will commit the most heinous of crimes by just acting normally.

In this instance, you may have uncovered a problem that we were not aware of, and lucky for you, is a minor transgression in accordance with our customs. We are no longer those people and will rectify the issue. The prisoner in question will be allowed to remain on your vessel to do with as you wish. If you are to continue your travels, I suggest you do so with caution.”

Grey suit again, “We acknowledge you are not going to go away. So, as the first gesture of friendship between our worlds, we would like you to return the Princess to her home world, and before you do, we will provide you with an advisor to help you navigate the protocols of her world. We will also grant two members of your crew an audience with our scribes who will give you knowledge of our worlds and people, and that of others in this galaxy. The other ship does not get this privilege and must leave immediately. If they do not, they will be destroyed. There will be no negotiation on this matter. Do you agree?”

It was probably the best we could hope for under the circumstances.

“Yes.”

Grey suit to their captain. “I’ll leave you to work on the details.”

With that, the remaining three were gone.

…

A to Z – April – 2026 – D

D is for – Delores

…

She spent the first weekend of the month dreaming about the things she was too afraid of doing every other weekend of every other month of her life until one day, something happened…

It was just another one of those dreams, of dressing up, going out to a bar, sitting at the counter sipping on a long, cool cocktail when a tall, dark, mysterious, handsome man slipped into the seat beside her…

“Doris!”

The grating sound that resembled her name came from another room, a voice that was the product of a lifetime of smoking 50 cigarettes a day, a voice belonging to her mother, the woman who was stealing the very days of her life away from her.

Doris was never going to see 30, well 35, alright then 41, again.

“What?”

She should not have yelled back, but it was the umpteenth time that day, and she was tired. Her mother’s hacking cough had kept her awake all night, and it wasn’t getting better. She refused to go into palliative care where they could look after her, preferring to burden her youngest daughter with her care. Payback, she said, for all the years she had to look after Doris.

Not the two older sisters who were married with children, who also got the same care as Doris, which basically amounted to zero. The other two couldn’t wait to get away from home, knowing what was going to happen.

“I need my pills. Where are they?”

“In the yellow bottle next to the bed.”

The old woman knew exactly where they were.

“There isn’t any cold water!”

Doris shrugged. It would be the third time she had refilled the water bottle. What was she doing with it?

She waited another minute, and then went to the refrigerator, got the jug of water, and then went into the room.

It was hot and stuffy, and the window closed. When she had last been in the room, it had been open. There was also a slight hint of cigarette smoke in the room. She had been smoking again, very much against doctors’ orders.

It meant her mother could move around and quite easily have come out. Certainly, if she could go to the window and put her head out, she would attempt to disperse the smoke outside.

Doris filled the bottle. “Next time, come out yourself. You’re quite capable of walking, and the exercise will do you good.”

“You heard the doctor. No excessive movement.”

“Doesn’t stop you from breaking the rules and smoking. You have emphysema, and smoking won’t help it.”

“I’m dying anyway. What do you care what I do?”

“More than you can obviously comprehend. Do whatever you’re going to anyway.”

She turned and walked towards the door. This battle of wills was never going to end, and she knew neither of them was going to win.

“What’s for dinner?”

She stopped and turned around. At first, she was sympathetic, but that was before she realised her mother could be very manipulative. “What do you care. You won’t eat it anyway.”

“That’s because it tastes horrible.”

“That’s because of your treatment. I’m just giving you what the doctor and dietician recommended.”

“Then I’d rather starve to death.”

Doris gave her a glare and left. There was no point arguing with her. All that would do was upset them both.

Respite came once a month when Doris was able to escape for a weekend, which inevitably ended up just staying at a small hotel not far from home, dining in the restaurant, and rising late to have breakfast in bed.

Just not having to wake to the barked sound of her name, “Doris,” reverberating through the passageways of their tiny house was reward enough.

But away from home, she could give free rein to her imagination and wondered what adventures she could get up to in just the course of one day.

This Saturday, she had arrived at the hotel, and the proprietor, Jason Prederfield, greeted her in his usual cheery manner, asked her the same question she had no doubt he asked all the guests on arrival, then gave her the key to the room.

It was the same room each week, overlooking the park and playing fields, which in summer hosted cricket matches and in winter soccer matches. Sometimes she told herself she should go over and watch, but more often, she just sat in the very comfortable old leather lounger chair near the window and read.

She was an avid reader of Mills and Boon romance novels and had brought three with her.

More than once, she had wished that her life would be like a Mills and Boon, but there was no fairy godmother, as there wasn’t a three-wish-granting genie.

If only there was.

She woke with a start, the sound of the book plopping on the ground after it slipped out of her hands, waking her.

It was just beginning to get dark, and soon night would set in. Time to dress for dinner. This time, instead of going down to the hotel dining room, she was going to treat herself at an upmarket fish restaurant not far from the hotel.

She had seen it when out on a morning walk the last few months and decided it was time for something different.

She showered, went through the rigours of applying her ‘face’ more carefully, added style and a ribbon to her hair, then brought her special occasion dress, her version of a little black dress that was less revealing than it could be but just enough to make her feel at least five years younger.

An examination of the finishing product in the mirror told her that her life was not over yet, and maybe something might just happen.

And, even if it didn’t, she had at the very least felt a spark of excitement she hadn’t for a long time.

At the bottom of the stairs, she collected her coat from the rack, and Jason helped her put it on and said that he had not seen her look better, in a tone that sent a shiver down her spine.

At the restaurant, she had made the booking in the name of Delores Sparks, using her surname but a change in the first. Doris sounded plain, the name of a woman who would never frequent this restaurant.

While being escorted to her table, she noticed there were about a dozen other diners, married or not, couples, and she could feel the eyes of the men on her.

She ordered a glass of French Champagne, Bollinger, one she had seen advertised, and perused the menu. For some odd reason, it was written in French, perhaps a mistake, but she smiled to herself.

She had taught herself French back in school and was now fluent. One of those dreams was to visit France, but she never quite found the courage to go alone.

Perhaps, after tonight…

The waitress came, stood beside her, and waited patiently. She gave her order in French and then had a quick conversation with the waitress, surprisingly able to speak the language.

It seemed to captivate some of the people around her.

A few minutes later, the maitre d’ came over. “Excuse me, madam.”

She looked up, wondering what the problem could be.

“We have a slight problem which you may be able to help us with. We are fully booked and just realised we have a regular guest whom we cannot accommodate…”

She glanced over to the front door and saw a middle-aged well-dressed man who looked on her opinion, either a banker, a lawyer, or an accountant. He was a rather good-looking man at that. Probably married, the good ones she discovered early on were always taken.

“Would it be possible to share a table? He says he is prepared to pay for your dinner. I will be happy to cover your drinks. He has been here many times, and I can vouch for his good character.”

Another glance, then back to the maitre’d.

“Of course. I accept your kind offer.”

“Very good. This will not be forgotten, Madam, when you return.”

She deliberately didn’t turn around to watch as he was escorted to the table, but as he appeared in front of her, she rose to greet him. In that moment, she felt a little weakness in her knees, a strange reaction indeed.

“I must thank you, Miss, Mrs…”

“Just call me Delores.”

“Delores, what an interesting name. My name is Jackson Courtney, Jack for short.”

They shook hands, a rather peculiar thing to do for her, perhaps not him, but the touch of hands was almost electric. She had to quell her imagination, or she might start blushing.

“Please, sit.”

They did, and the waitresses came over for his drink order.

“I’ll have what Delores is having.”

The waiter nodded and left.

Delores smiled inwardly, noticing how he pronounced her name had that edge to it that might give a little shiver.

“What brings you to this restaurant? I have to say I am somewhat surprised that you are dining alone.”

Oh, God. She hadn’t quite thought that far ahead that she would have a proper and sensible conversation, one that didn’t include her telling him she was a full-time carer for her sick mother.

Delores was far more sophisticated. She took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “I try to find a small hotel and a different restaurant every so often after the hustle and bustle of London.”

“There’s no Mr Delores?”

“Is there no Mrs Courtney?” Better to answer a question with a question and work on that air of mystery.

He smiled, and it made all the difference to his expression. Tanned, signs of being an outdoor type, hair lightly receding, but no greying. There was more, but that would do for now.

“Touche. We should not dance on the boundaries. Do you prefer the weather or our health as suitable topics?”

A sense of humour. “Latest movies perhaps, a book, news that doesn’t involve politics, religion or that swamp on the other side of the Atlantic.”

“You don’t like America?”

“Oh, I love the country, I just don’t like half the people. But that’s a woman’s perspective. I suspect a man’s opinion would be different.”

And she swore to herself she was not going to talk politics. “Sorry. My personal opinions are mine and best left in my head. Sometimes I speak without thinking, or perhaps it sounded better in my head.”

“You and me both. I can and have put my foot in my mouth.”

His champagne came, and they decided to focus on the menu. He didn’t speak French.

…

The conversation was at first centred around interests. She did not think that she could tell him that she preferred to sit quietly and read, so she embellished the truth, that she liked taking long walks in the countryside, weekends in towns or cities by the sea, easily accessible by train, as she didn’t drive.

There was a stutter in the flow for just a moment when he learned she did not drive, and it led to a diversion about motor cars, and it seemed he had a passion for expensive vehicles.

She did not ask what type of car he drove.

He liked long walks and seaside towns, with piers.

He liked reading thrillers, adventure, and detective novels, and oddly, he thought, gardening magazines.

It led to the discovery that he lived only a few villages across, closer to London, and he took the train to work each day, and sometimes stayed in London overnight, if he worked late.

Oops, he said apologetically, he nearly stepped over one of the invisible boundaries.

Soup was followed by fish, followed by chicken, followed by bread and butter pudding. He selected the white wine, and she selected the after-dinner port they had with coffee.

Food, wine and coffee tastes were the same.

The restaurant had emptied, and the owner was hovering. It was time to leave.

He stood and helped her with the chair, then accompanied her to the door, where he helped her with her coat. They thanked the owner and left.

Outside, he said, “I must thank you for an excellent evening. I have not enjoyed myself for such a long time.”

“And I, too.” There was a question on her mind, one she wanted to ask but did not have the courage.

“I know this is perhaps impertinent of me, but perchance do you come here very often?”

She was going to say, as many times as you would ask me to, but instead had to temper he reply, taking into account the reality of her situation. “About once a month, though not necessarily here, but not far.”

“Do you stay at quaint hotels. I rather want to believe you have that sort of whimsical nature. I find staying in those modern concrete and glass building have no soul. Creaking stairs and floorboards, strange noises in the night, muffled conversations as they pass your door.”

She smiled. “I can see why you like mystery novels. But yes, I do. I’m staying at one tonight, the Railway Hotel has been there forever. My room is like it has been preserved from the 1800s.”

“What a remarkable coincidence. I’m staying there too. Please allow me to escort you there.”

If he had been anything other than the perfect gentleman, she might have refused, but he had. And why not? Ten minutes more with him would give her enough time to imagine what it might be like…

No… It could never be possible. Once he found out about her mother, the truth of her situation, that would be the end.

It was perhaps fortuitous that he was on the second floor and she was on the third. They bade each other good night in the lift, she stepped out, the door closed, and she was taken up to her room.

Once inside, she leaned against the door and smiled.

“Delores and the retired Captain” was practically writing itself, right there, in her head.

….

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 77

Day 77 – The Gimlet eye

…

How to Cultivate a “Gimlet Eye” for Detail – Lessons from George Orwell’s Early Years

“The writer’s job is to make sense of the world, and the only way to do that is to see it with a sharp, unflinching eye.” — paraphrasing George Orwell

When Eric Blair set out to become George Orwell, he didn’t start in a fancy study with a stack of literary journals. He lived “almost down and out” in the gritty back‑streets of London and the squalid basements of Paris, penning Down and Out in Paris and London while sleeping on a bench, sharing a room with a drunkard, or scrambling for a crust of bread. It was in those cramped, chaotic corners that he forged a gimlet eye—a razor‑sharp, probing vision that could pick out the smallest tremor of truth in a bustling crowd.

If you want to write with that same forensic clarity, you don’t need to abandon your apartment and take up a night‑shift in a soup kitchen (though it wouldn’t hurt). Instead, you can adopt the habits, mind‑sets, and practical techniques that turned Orwell’s lived‑in‑hardship into literary gold. Below is a step‑by‑step guide to sharpening your observational muscles, inspired by Orwell’s early apprenticeship.

1. Live “Just Inside the Fence” of the Experience You Want to Capture

Orwell’s Approach	How to Apply It Today
Immersion – He worked as a ploughman, librarian, cook’s assistant, and bookshop clerk to feel the pulse of each world.	Pick a micro‑environment you can access: a coffee‑shop kitchen, a warehouse, a community garden, a public transit hub. Take a shift, volunteer, or shadow for a week.
Economy of Comfort – He deliberately gave up comforts to feel the pressure of scarcity.	Create constraints: Write from a coffee‑shop table for a month, limit yourself to a $10 lunch budget, or sleep on a couch for a few nights. The discomfort forces you to notice the details you’d otherwise gloss over.
First‑Person Documentation – He kept a notebook in his pocket, jotting down snippets of dialogue, smells, and sensations.	Carry a small notebook or a notes app. Capture anything that strikes you: a bus driver’s sigh, the way rain smells on pavement, the pattern of a coworker’s sarcasm. Review weekly.

Pro tip: You don’t need to stay in poverty; you just need to touch its edges. Even a single night in a low‑cost hostel can give you a fresh lens.

2. Train Your Senses, Not Just Your Brain

Orwell’s prose is vivid because he recorded what he saw, heard, smelled, tasted, and felt.

Sense	Orwell‑Inspired Exercise	Quick Daily Drill
Sight	Sketch a street corner in 5 minutes – no details left out.	Look at a city billboard for 30 seconds; write down every word, colour, and emotion it evokes.
Hearing	Record ambient sounds on your phone, then transcribe the “conversation” of the city.	Spend 2 minutes listening to a cafe. List every distinct sound and why it matters.
Smell	Write a paragraph that uses only olfactory cues to describe a place.	When you enter a room, note the first three scents you notice.
Taste	Eat a simple meal (e.g., toast) and describe it as if writing a novel.	At lunch, pick one ingredient and document how it changes through the dish.
Touch	Sit on a park bench for 10 minutes, catalog textures (bench wood, wind, your own clothing).	Close your eyes for a minute; list everything you feel on your skin.

Consistently exercising each sense forces you to notice subtleties that most writers skim over.

3. Adopt the “Reporter” Mindset

Orwell started as a journalist (the BBC’s Indian service, the Tribune). Reporting taught him to:

Ask the “Five Ws + H” of Every Scene
- Who is present? What is happening? Where exactly? When (time of day, season, historical moment)? Why does it matter? How does it unfold?
Practice: Choose a mundane event—like the line at a grocery store—and answer the five Ws + H in 150 words.
Seek Contradictions
- Orwell loved spotting the gap between what people say and what they do.
Practice: Record a conversation, then write a short paragraph highlighting any mismatch between claim and action.
Strip Away the Superfluous
- He famously edited his drafts until each sentence earned its place.
Practice: After a first draft, underline every adjective. Remove any that don’t add a concrete detail or a new nuance.

4. Make Space for “Idle” Observation

Orwell’s most striking passages often came from moments when he was waiting—on a train, in a queue, at a pub. Idle time is a fertile hunting ground for detail.

Schedule “Observation Walks”: 10‑minute walks with no destination, only the intent to notice.
Turn Commutes into Labs: Bring a small notebook onto the bus and note down one scene per ride.
Use “Micro‑Journals”: A single page per day with headings like Sound, Smell, Glimpse, Tension—you’ll be surprised how much accumulates over a month.

5. Read Like a “Reverse Engineer”

Orwell’s own reading habits helped him refine his eye.

Deconstruct a Paragraph: Pick a passage from Down and Out that dazzles you. Identify:
- The concrete detail anchors the scene.
- The sensory verbs (e.g., “clanged,” “stank”).
- The underlying social commentary is hidden beneath the description.
Write a “Shadow” Version: Take the same scene and rewrite it without any adjectives, then rewrite again, adding only sensory nouns. Compare the effect.

6. Cultivate Empathy, Not Just Observation

Orwell didn’t just see poverty; he felt its weight. Empathy is the engine that turns raw data into a compelling narrative.

Practice “Perspective Shifts”: After observing a scenario, write a short paragraph as if you were one of the participants.
Use “Emotional Mapping”: Sketch a simple chart with the observed scene on one axis and possible emotional responses on the other. Identify which feeling is most resonant and why.

When you can inhabit the inner world of the people you observe, your details acquire moral and psychological gravity—just as Orwell’s descriptions of the “tramp” or the “shop‑assistant” do.

Putting It All Together: A 30‑Day “Orwellian Bootcamp”

Day	Activity	Goal
1‑3	Choose a “micro‑environment” (café, subway, market). Spend 2‑3 hours there each day, notebook in hand.	Immersion
4‑6	Sensory drills (see/hear/smell/taste/touch) – 10 min each, using the same environment.	Sensorial acuity
7	Write a 300‑word scene using only sensory details; no dialogue or exposition.	Pure observation
8‑10	“Five Ws + H” exercise on a mundane event.	Reporter mindset
11‑13	Record a conversation; note contradictions.	Critical listening
14	Edit the 300‑word scene: cut every adjective that isn’t strictly necessary.	Precision
15‑17	Read a passage from Down and Out; deconstruct it. Write a “shadow” version.	Reverse engineering
18‑20	Empathy shift: rewrite yesterday’s scene from the viewpoint of a peripheral character.	Emotional depth
21‑23	“Idle observation” walks—no phone, notebook only for quick sketches.	Spontaneous detail
24‑26	Write a full 800‑word vignette that combines all senses and an undercurrent of social commentary.	Integration
27‑30	Peer review (or self‑review) focusing on: clarity of detail, emotional resonance, and concision. Refine.	Mastery

At the end of the month you’ll have a short piece that could sit comfortably alongside Orwell’s early work—and a set of habits that will keep your gimlet eye honed for life.

Why It Matters

In an era of endless scrolling and algorithmic echo chambers, a writer who can pierce the surface and expose the hidden mechanics of everyday life offers something rare and valuable. Orwell’s legacy endures not because he was merely a chronicler of poverty, but because he made the invisible visible—and did so with a clarity that still rattles readers today.

By intentionally placing yourself at the edge of comfort, training every sense, asking relentless questions, and injecting empathy into each observation, you’ll develop that same gimlet eye Orwell wielded. The result isn’t just a richer description; it’s a deeper connection between your words and the world they intend to illuminate.

Takeaway: Observation is a muscle. The more you flex it—through immersion, sensory drills, and empathetic storytelling—the sharper it becomes. In the words of Orwell himself, “If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself.” Let your keen eye be the tool that uncovers the truth you didn’t even know was there.

Ready to start? Grab a pocket notebook, step outside your comfort zone, and let the streets of your own city become the laboratory for your next great story. Your gimlet eye awaits.

“The End of the Road”, a short story

The man who had said that we would never make the distance was right.

It had been my idea to go ‘troppo’, forsake everything, hop on a motorbike and go around Australia. I was, at that stage fed up with everything and, catching Harry in one of his low spots, he decided there and then he would join me.

For the first few days, we believed we were stark staring mad and talked about calling it quits, but perseverance made all the difference. After two months we were glad we had the resolve to keep going, and in that time we had managed to see more of the Australian countryside than we’d seen all our lives.

That was until this particular morning when we arrived in Berrigum, what could have been called a one-horse town. It consisted of one hotel, one general store (that sold everything from toothpicks to petrol) and an agricultural machinery depot. It also had a station and some wheat silos, and this appeared to be the only reason for a town in this particular spot in the middle of nowhere.

And it was the railway station that interested Harry, who was, by this time, getting a little homesick and fed up with his motorbike.

After coughing and spluttering for the last week it had finally died, and the five-mile walk to Berrigum had not helped either his temper, or his disposition, and had only served to firm his resolve to return home.

It was hot but not unbearably so, unlike a hot summer’s day in the city, and even worse still in public transport. For miles around as we tramped those five miles all we could see was acres and acres of wheat, but no sign of life. It was the same when we reached the town. It appeared all the people were either hiding or had left. Harry suspected the latter given the state of the road, and the buildings, more or less the epitome of a ghost town.

Standing at the end of what could have been called the main street with only our own dust for company, one look took in the whole town. In a car, one wouldn’t have given it a second look, if one had time to give it a first. I didn’t remember seeing neither any speed restriction signs nor signpost advertising a town ahead.

And since no amount of argument could sway him from his resolve, the first objective was to get a train timetable, if such a thing existed, and make arrangements for Harry’s return.

The station was as deserted as the town itself, and a quick glance in the stationmaster’s office showed no sign of life.

Leaving the bikes on the platform outside the office, we headed for the hotel for both a drink and make enquiries about rail services. Being a hot day and the morning’s tramp somewhat hot and dusty, we were looking forward to a cold glass (or two) of beer.

The hotel looked as though it was a hundred years old though there was no doubting a few relentless summers would reduce it to the same state. It was as bad inside as out, though the temperature was several degrees lower, and we could sit down in what appeared to be the main bar. We were the only occupants and still to find any sign of life. Overhead, two fans were struggling to move the hot air around.

More than once Harry reckoned it was a ghost town and I was beginning to believe him when, after five minutes, no one arrived.

After ten, we stood, ready to leave, only to stop halfway out of our chairs when a voice behind us said, “Surely you’re not going back out there without refreshment?”

“I was beginning to think the town was deserted,” I said.

“It is during the day, but when the sun goes down…”

I didn’t ask. We followed him to the bar where he had stationed himself behind the counter. “The name is Jack.” He stretched out his hand towards us. “We don’t bother with last names here.”

“Bill,” I said, shaking it, and nodding to Harry, “Harry.”

Harry nodded and shook his hand too.

“The first one’s on the house.” He poured three glasses and put ours in front of us. “Cheers.”

In all cases, it went down without touching the sides (as they say) and he poured a second, at the same time asking, “What brings you to our little corner of the earth?”

“Just passing through,” I said, “Or at least for me.”

“And you?” Jack looked at Harry.

“I can’t hack the pace. I can truthfully say I have thoroughly enjoyed the trip so far, except for a few mishaps, but for me, it’s time to get back to the big smoke. My ‘do your own thing’ has run out of momentum. Do you know if there is a train that goes anywhere important?”

The publican looked at him almost pityingly. “Important, eh?” He rubbed his chin feigning thought. “You make it sound like you are in purgatory.”

“Aren’t we?”

I suppose one could hardly blame Harry for his attitude. After all, at the beginning, he had numerous accidents, caught a virus that stayed with him (and a couple of torrential downpours had done little to help it), and now his motorbike had finally died. No wonder his humour was at an all-time low.

For a moment I thought the publican was going to tell Harry what he thought of him, but then he smiled and the tension passed. “Perhaps to a city fellow like you it might be,” he said. “The mail train which has a passenger carriage comes through once a week, and, my good man, you’re in luck. Today’s the day.”

“Good. How do I get a ticket?”

“You’d have to see the Station Master.”

“And where might he be at the moment? We were at the station a while back and there was no sign of life.”

“Nor will there be until the train comes. Meanwhile, there’s time enough for lunch. I’m sure you will stay?” He looked questioningly at us.

I looked at Harry, who nodded.

“Why not.”

Over lunch, we talked.

I remember not so long ago when I had to attend a large number of lunches where the talk was of business, or, if anything, mostly about subjects that I had no interest in. It was always some posh restaurant, time seemed important, the atmosphere never really relaxed, and to get into a relaxed state it took a large amount of alcohol to deaden the despair and distaste of that one had to fete in order to secure their business.

How different it was here.

We talked about the country, and, after seeing as much of it, and worked on it as we had to fund our odyssey, we could talk about it authoritatively. And, most of all, it was interesting.

The atmosphere too was entirely different than it had been in the city. Out here the people were always friendly, people always willing to stop and talk, particularly farmers; share a drink or some food.

There was none of this carefree purposefulness in the city, and more than once I’d thought of the fact one could travel in the same train with the same people for year after year and still not know any of them. It was the same at work. Even after five years I still hadn’t known three-quarters of the office staff, and most of them probably didn’t want to know me. Harry was virtually the only real friend I’d had at work.

But here, in ‘the middle of nowhere’ as Harry had called it, I felt as though I’d known the publican all of my life instead of the few short hours.

Some hours later and after much argument, where Jack and I tried to talk Harry into staying (Jack said he knew someone who could fix anything including Harry’s bike), Harry remained unconvinced and resolute. Jack, to round off the occasion (we were the first real guests from outside he had had in a week) provided another on-the-house ale and then saw us to the station. “After all”, he had said, “I’ve nothing else to do at the moment.”

By that time the station was showing a little more life than it had before. A station assistant, moving several parcels with a hand trolley, slowly ambled towards the end of the platform.

And whether it could be called a platform was a debatable point. It was a gravel and grass affair that looked more like part of cutting through a hill than a station.

At the station, Jack portentously announced he was also the stationmaster and would be only too happy to take care of Harry’s requirements. It would be, he added, “the first passenger ticket sold for several months.” Certainly, the ticket he handed Harry bore witness to that. It had yellowed with age.

One would have thought with the imminent arrival of the train there would be more people, but no. The only event had been the station assistant’s stroll to the end of the platform and back. Now both he and Jack had disappeared into the office and we were left alone on the platform. Very little in the whole town stirred, nor had it the whole time we’d been there.

“Well,” I said to break the silence. “I’m sorry to see you going through with it. I thought I might have been able to talk you out of it…” I shrugged, leaving the sentence unfinished.

“I’m sorry to be going too, but a body can take only so much bad luck, and God knows that’s all I’ve had.”

“Yes.” I couldn’t think of much else to say. “But it’s been good to have your company these last few months.”

“And you. When do you think you’ll get back?”

“When I get sick of it I suppose.”

“Look us up then when you get back.”

“I will.”

Thankfully the appearance of the train in the distance broke off the conversation. I had begun to think of what it was going to be like out on the road with no one to talk to but myself. The thought was a little depressing and I tried not to let it show.

We said little else until the train pulled in, three flat cars, seven enclosed wagons, a passenger carriage and the guard’s van. The train stopped with only part of the passenger carriage and the guard’s van at the station.

The guard took aboard the parcels the station assistant had left for him earlier, and then put those that were for Berrigum on the trolley.

I shook Harry’s hand and said I’d see him around. Then he, the motorbike, and the guard were aboard and the train was off, disappearing slowly into the afternoon haze.

The station assistant then repeated his amble to the end of the platform to collect the hand trolley.

“Staying or moving on.” Jack had come up behind me and gave me a bit of a start.

“Staying I guess, until tomorrow or maybe later.”

“I had heard one of the farm hands is leaving tomorrow heading back to Sydney. There could be a vacancy.”

“Sounds like a plan,” I said.

“I could put in a word for you.”

“Thanks.”

Jack just grinned and we headed for the hotel.

An excerpt from “Sunday in New York”

Now available on Amazon at: https://amzn.to/2H7ALs8

…

Williams’ Restaurant, East 65^th Street, New York, Saturday, 8:00 p.m.

We met the Blaines at Williams’, a rather upmarket restaurant that the Blaines frequently visited and had recommended.

Of course, during the taxi ride there, Alison reminded me that with my new job, we would be able to go to many more places like Williams’. It was, at worst, more emotional blackmail, because as far as Alison was concerned, we were well on our way to posh restaurants, the Trump Tower Apartments, and the trappings of the ‘executive set’.

It would be a miracle if I didn’t strangle Elaine before the night was over. It was she who had filled Alison’s head with all this stuff and nonsense.

Aside from the half-frown, half-smile, Alison was looking stunning. It had been months since she had last dressed up, and she was especially wearing the dress I’d bought her for our 5th anniversary that cost a month’s salary. On her, it was worth it, and I would have paid more if I had to. She had adored it and me, for a week or so after.

For tonight, I think I was close to getting back on that pedestal.

She had the looks and figure to draw attention, the sort movie stars get on the red carpet, and when we walked into the restaurant, I swear there were at least five seconds of silence, and many more gasps.

I even had a sudden loss of breath earlier in the evening when she came out of the dressing room. Once more, I was reminded of how lucky I was that she had agreed to marry me. Amid all those self-doubts, I couldn’t believe she had loved me when there were so many others out there who were more appealing.

Elaine was out of her seat and came over just as the Head Waiter hovered into sight. She personally escorted Alison to the table, allowing me to follow like the Queen’s consort, while she and Alison basked in the admiring glances of the other patrons.

More than once, I heard the muted question, “Who is she?”

Jimmy stood, we shook hands, and then we sat together. It was not the usual boy, girl, boy, girl seating arrangement. Jimmy and I on one side and Elaine and Alison on the other.

The battle lines were drawn.

Jimmy was looking fashionable, with a permanent blade one beard, unkempt hair, and a designer dinner suit that looked like he’d slept in it. Alison insisted I wear a tuxedo, and I looked like the proverbial penguin or just a thinner version of Alfred Hitchcock.

The bow tie had been slightly crooked, but just before we stepped out, she had straightened it. And took the moment to look deeply into my soul. It was one of those moments when words were not necessary.

Then it was gone.

I relived it briefly as I sat and she looked at me. A penetrating look that told me to ‘behave’.

When we were settled, Elaine said, in that breathless, enthusiastic manner of hers when she was excited, “So, Harry, you are finally moving up.” It was not a question, but a statement.

I was not sure what she meant by ‘finally’, but I accepted it with good grace. Sometimes, Elaine was prone to using figures of speech I didn’t understand. I guessed she was talking about the new job. “It was supposed to be a secret.”

She smiled widely. “There are no secrets between Al and me, are there, Al?”

I looked at ‘Al’ and saw a brief look of consternation.

I was not sure Alison liked the idea of being called Al. I tried it once and was admonished. But it was interesting that her ‘best friend forever’ was allowed that distinction when I was not. It was, perhaps, another indicator of how far I’d slipped in her estimation.

Perhaps, I thought, it was a necessary evil. As I understood it, the Blaines were our mentors at the Trump Tower, because they didn’t just let ‘anyone’ in. I didn’t ask if the Blaines thought we were just ‘anyone’ before I got the job offer.

And then there was that look between Alison and Elaine, quickly stolen before Alison realised I was looking at both of them. I was out of my depth, in a place I didn’t belong, with people I didn’t understand. And yet, apparently, Alison did. I must have missed the memo.

“No,” Alison said softly, stealing a glance in my direction, “No secrets between friends.”

No secrets. Her look conveyed something else entirely.

The waiter brought champagne, Krug, and poured glasses for each of us. It was not the cheap stuff, and I was glad I brought a couple of thousand dollars with me. We were going to need it.

Then, a toast.

To a new job and a new life.

“When did you decide?” Elaine was effusive at the best of times, but with the champagne, it was worse.

Alison had a strange expression on her face. It was obvious she had told Elaine it was a done deal, even before I’d made up my mind. Perhaps she’d assumed I might be ‘refreshingly honest’ in front of Elaine, but it could also mean she didn’t really care what I might say or do.

Instead of consternation, she looked happy, and I realised it would be churlish, even silly, if I made a scene. I knew what I wanted to say. I also knew that it would serve little purpose provoking Elaine or upsetting Alison. This was not the time or the place. Alison had been looking forward to coming here, and I was not going to spoil it.

Instead, I said, smiling, “When I woke up this morning and found Alison missing. If she had been there, I would not have noticed the water stain on the roof above our bed, and decided there and then how much I hated the place.” I used my reassuring smile, the one I used with the customers when all hell was breaking loose, and the forest fire was out of control. “It’s the little things. They all add up until one day …” I shrugged. “I guess that one day was today.”

I saw an incredulous look pass between Elaine and Alison, a non-verbal question; perhaps, is he for real? Or, I told you he’d come around.

I had no idea the two were so close.

“How quaint,” Elaine said, which just about summed up her feelings towards me. I think, at that moment, I lost some brownie points. It was all I could come up with at short notice.

“Yes,” I added, with a little more emphasis than I wanted. “Alison was off to get some studying in with one of her friends.”

“Weren’t the two of you off to the Hamptons, a weekend with some friends?” Jimmy piped up and immediately got the ‘shut up, you fool’ look that cut that line of conversation dead. Someone forgot to feed Jimmy his lines.

It was followed by the condescending smile from Elaine, and “I need to powder my nose. Care to join me, Al?”

A frown, then a forced smile for her new best friend. “Yes.”

I watched them leave the table and head in the direction of the restroom, looking like they were in earnest conversation. I thought ‘Al’ looked annoyed, but I could be wrong.

I had to say Jimmy looked more surprised than I did.

There was that odd moment of silence between us, Jimmy still smarting from his death stare, and for me, the Alison and Elaine show. I was quite literally gob-smacked.

I drained my champagne glass, gathering some courage and turned to him. “By the way, we were going to have a weekend away, but this legal tutorial thing came up. You know Alison is doing her law degree.”

He looked startled when he realised I had spoken. He was looking intently at a woman several tables over from us, one who’d obviously forgotten some basic garments when getting dressed. Or perhaps it was deliberate. She’d definitely had some enhancements done.

He dragged his eyes back to me. “Yes. Elaine said something or other about it. But I thought she said the tutor was out of town and it had been postponed until next week. Perhaps I got it wrong. I usually do.”

“Perhaps I’ve got it wrong.” I shrugged as the dark thoughts started swirling in my head again. “This week or next, what does it matter?”

Of course, it mattered to me, and I digested what he said with a sinking heart. It showed there was another problem between Alison and me; she might have been telling me lies. If what he said was true and I had no reason to doubt him, where was she going tomorrow morning, and had she really been with a friend studying today?

We poured some more champagne, had a drink, then he asked, “This promotion thing, what’s it worth?”

“Trouble, I suspect. Definitely more money, but less time at home.”

“Oh,” raised eyebrows. Obviously, the women had not talked about the job in front of him, or, at least, not all the details. “You sure you want to do that?”

At last, the voice of reason. “Me? No.”

“Yet you accepted the job.”

I sucked in a breath or two while I considered whether I could trust him. Even if I couldn’t, I could see my ship was sinking, so it wouldn’t matter what I told him, or what Elaine might find out from him. “Jimmy, between you and me, I haven’t as yet decided one way or another. To be honest, I won’t know until I go up to Barclay’s office and he asks me the question.”

“Barclay?”

“My boss.”

“Elaine’s doing a job for a Barclay who recently moved into the tower a block down from us. I thought I recognised the name.”

“How did Elaine get the job?”

“Oh, Alison put him onto her.”

“When?”

“A couple of months ago. Why?”

I shrugged and tried to keep a straight face, while my insides were churning up like the wake of a supertanker. I felt sick, faint, and wanted to die all at the same moment. “Perhaps she said something about it, but it didn’t connect at the time. Too busy with work, I expect. I think I seriously need to get away for a while.”

I could hardly breathe, my throat was constricted, and I knew I had to keep it together. I could see Elaine and Alison coming back, so I had to calm down. I sucked in some deep breaths and put my ‘manage a complete and utter disaster’ look on my face.

And I had to change the subject, quickly, so I said, “Jimmy, Elaine told Alison, who told me, you were something of a guru of the cause and effects of the global economic meltdown. Now, I have a couple of friends who have been expounding this theory …”

Like flicking a switch, I launched into the well-worn practice of ‘running a distraction’, like at work when we needed to keep the customer from discovering the truth. It was one of the things I was good at, taking over a conversation and pushing it in a different direction. It was salvaging a good result from an utter disaster, and if ever there was a time that it was required, it was right here, right now.

When Alison sat down and looked at me, she knew something had happened between Jimmy and me. I might have looked pale or red-faced, or angry or disappointed, but it didn’t matter. If that didn’t seal the deal for her, the fact that I took over the dining engagement did. She knew well enough that the only time I did that was when everything was about to go to hell in a handbasket. She’d seen me in action before and had been suitably astonished.

But I got into gear, kept the champagne flowing and steered the conversation, as much as one could from a seasoned professional like Elaine, and, I think, in Jimmy’s eyes, he saw the battle lines and knew who took the crown on points. Neither Elaine nor Jimmy suspected anything, and if the truth be told, I had improved my stocks with Elaine. She was at times both surprised and interested, even willing to take a back seat.

Alison, on the other hand, tried poking around the edges, and, once when Elaine and Jimmy had got up to have a cigarette outside, questioned me directly. I chose to ignore her and pretend nothing had happened, rather than tell her how much I was enjoying the evening.

She had her ‘secrets’. I had mine.

At the end of the evening, when I got up to go to the bathroom, I was physically sick from the pent-up tension and the implications of what Jimmy had told me. It took a while for me to pull myself together; so long, in fact, that Jimmy came looking for me. I told him I’d drunk too much champagne, and he seemed satisfied with that excuse. When I returned, both Alison and Elaine noticed how pale I was, but neither made any comment.

It was a sad way to end what was supposed to be a delightful evening, which, to a large degree, it was for the other three. But I had achieved what I set out to do: to play them at their own game, watching the deception once I knew there was one, as warily as a cat watches its prey.

I had also discovered Jimmy’s real calling; a professor of economics at the same University Alison was doing her law degree. It was no surprise in the end, on a night where surprises abounded, that the world could really be that small.

We parted in the early hours of the morning, a taxi whisking us back to the Lower East Side, another taking the Blaines back to the Upper West Side. But, in our case, as Alison reminded me, it would not be for much longer. She showed concern for my health and asked me what was wrong. It took all the courage I could muster to tell her it was most likely something I ate and the champagne, and that I would be fine in the morning.

She could see quite plainly it was anything other than what I told her, but she didn’t pursue it. Perhaps she just didn’t care what I was playing at.

And yet, after everything that had happened, once inside our ‘palace’, the events of the evening were discarded, like her clothing, and she again reminded me of what we had together in the early years before the problems had set in.

It left me confused and lost.

I couldn’t sleep because my mind had now gone down that irreversible path that told me I was losing her, that she had found someone else, and that our marriage was in its last death throes.

And now I knew it had something to do with Barclay.

…