Writing a book in 365 days – 263/264

Days 263 and 264

Writing exercise

I made a mistake. 

And for that mistake, I was probably going to pay for it for the rest of my life.

The mere fact that I was set up by someone I trusted implicitly made not one jot.

There were no such things as friends, simply marks who were there to be exploited by people who didn’t care whose lives they ruined.

And it was our fault, I finally realised.  I had sought to blame everyone else, but in the end, I had the power to not go along with the plan.

But, human nature being what it was, and having someone flatter you and feed that ego, and that element of bravado that dwelt in us all, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

I was sitting opposite that person right now.  The call was not a request.  If I didn’t show, I would suffer the consequences.  If I did not comply, I would suffer the consequences.

And those consequences?  People who didn’t deserve to die would.  People I cared about.  And what was worse, some other schmuck would take my place.

My tormentor had gleefully told me the world was full of schmucks just like me, lining up to be used.  Everyone had secrets, secrets they didn’t want exposed.

The thing was, he wanted me to become one of those scmucks and blackmail my best friend, probably one of only three.

Because he had an idea, and they wanted that idea, and they didn’t want to pay for it.  That was how the rich got richer and the poor, the ones who had all the good ideas, stayed poor.

Now, having got through college and about to take a step onto the world stage, Jeremy, my friend, was going to take his idea and change the world.

It was an idea that my tormentor had told me was utterly brilliant and worth a gold mine.

Just not for Jeremy.  People like him didn’t understand that giving away life-changing technology was not the right thing, that people had to pay, and keep paying.

Like the man he worked for, who already had so much wealth he could not spend it in a dozen lifetimes.  He wanted it because he could.

He was going to take it because he could.

And I was going to help him.

“So, what is your report?”  My tormentor had just lit a large cigar and was all but blowing the smoke in my face.

If I had a fire extinguisher, I would put it out, and him with it.

He was lucky I didn’t.

“They want to set up a flat and invited me to stay with them.”

“He hadn’t told you about them?”

“Mo.  Maybe you got it wrong.”

He snorted.  I’d said that the first time he told me they had become lovers, and the reason why Allison had sort of left me to think we might have a future, except she was as distant today as she was when she first suggested it.

For some reason, he didn’t want me to know, or anyone else.  They certainly played their parts well, and I would not have guessed.  Not until my tormentor gleefully played the tapes of them together, in several small out-of-the-mainstream hotels.

I was neither surprised nor shocked.  Allison had told me she was interested in him and was happy I had found what I believed to be the one. 

My tormentor had been particularly pleased when he told me Jeremy had set me up, smoothing his way to take Allison, and then strategically arranged to have the girl dump me, having rendered any chance with Allison gone.

I let him have his moment.  Allison and I were never going to be an item, then or now or ever.  Nor was Jeremy, no matter what he thought.  And my tormentor, with everything in his bag of tricks, would never find out.

So…

“Well, that’s interesting, isn’t it?  But, why would they want me to stay with them?”

“The rent.  It’s more than they can afford.  With you, it’s more affordable.”

“He just has to get a better job.  After all, he graduated top of his class.”

“He doesn’t want a better job; he wants to work on his pet project.”

“Until you take it off him.”

He shook his head.  “You’re oversimplifying things again, Stephen.  He will never get the backing he needs to make it work.  No one will do it for pennies on the dollar.  My boss made him an offer, just about everything he wants.  All he has to do is show proof of concept.  We need you to stay, make him feel safe, not having to trust an outsider, for just a little bit longer.”

“You’re going to steal it, aren’t you?”

“No.  I’m not.  I wouldn’t know anything about it.  I just have one job.  You’re keeping him safe.  Then you’re off the hook.”

I doubted it.  My tormentor was not one to let me go that easily. 

I glared at him.  “Seeing is believing.”  I stood.  “Until next week.”

‘Don’t lose the faith.”

Out on the street, I had to try very hard not to throw up.  Being in the presence of that creature was sickening.  The problem was, if it was not time, there would be someone else.

His expensive suits, the grandest suites in hotels, the car that cost an eyewatering sum, he was a creature of a particular sort.  They fed off the weak and manipulable, people like me.

When three blocks away from the hotel and out of line of sight and outside listening range, I checked for and found a listening device planted in my coat.  I had wondered why he insisted I take it off and leave it inside the door.

An app on my phone found it.  Another app on my phone rendered it useless.  But not in a way that he would immediately find out.  Jeremy was clever like that.

Jeremy had worked out that someone was leading him down a particular path, and his first thought it was me.  I simply shook my head and told him to put his cards on the table.

He said I’d been compromised by a huge multinational company run by a criminal dressed up as a businessman.

I told him he was nuts.

He said he followed me.  He gave me my movements for every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for the last year.

At least, I said, I didn’t try to hide where I was going.  Since each time I was going to an expensive hotel, he would also have seen an expensive girl go in too.  What did he think was going on?

Allison wouldn’t be pleased.

Allison didn’t like me in that way.  Maybe Allison was leading him down the garden path.

He gave me a look that told me he didn’t know who to trust.  I simply said keep your friends close but your enemies closer.  I thought I was a friend, he thought I was the enemy.  Win-win.

It was then that I told him that he was never going to achieve his objective, that, like the inventor of a car that ran on water, they would find a way to stop him.  He said he’d never heard of anyone who had, and simply said that proved my point.

We’d had this conversation before.

“I thought you were going to have a heart attack.  You OK?”

That voice in my head, the one that could scare the daylights out of me.  It wasn’t through an earpiece and a detectable transmitter.  Another of Jeremy’s inventions.

“You don’t know what he’s going to do to me and my family if or when I screw up.”  It felt weird talking to myself.

“You did that when you let him take over your life.”

“Easy for you to take that high moral ground.”

We’d had that conversation before, and anyone not in my position, at the time, didn’t understand why I didn’t just spit in his face.

Five years down the track, why hadn’t I grown a spine?  There was one reason.  A demonstration of what he could do if I strayed.  That I never told Jeremy.  His concept of evil was far different from mine, and would be until he suffered loss.

“We agreed to disagree,” he said.  “So it’s status quo.  Good to know they think they have me right where I want them.”

“They won’t be so easily fooled, Jeremy.  His boss doesn’t lose.”

“David versus Goliath, Stephen.  David versus Goliath.”

I was 13 and had the father from hell.  When he attacked my sister one night after he had been drinking heavily, not for the first time, I did the only thing a 13-year-old could think of to stop him.

I picked up the hammer under my bed, went into her room and hit him as hard as I could on the back of the head.

He was dead before I could yank the hammer head out.  Sylvie didn’t stop screaming for five solid minutes.

Our mother didn’t hesitate.  She got Sylvie un hysterical and my older brother and she wrapped the body in a tarpaulin and disappeared into the night.

I was the secret we kept until a man came visiting about a month later and said he knew what I had done.  He said that my father got what he deserved, but there was always a price to pay.

One day, he would return, and that day, he would have a job for me to do.  I would do it, or there would be consequences.  To prove a point, he made Sylvie very, very sick, and asked me a week or so later if I understood.  When I said yes, he made her better.

I had lived in dread of his return.

That came about a year ago when he summoned Mr to a hotel room and told me what he wanted.  It was not as bad as I thought.  All I had to do was tell him what Jeremy was up to.

And be his friend, the one he told me what he was doing.  Jeremy always had his head in the clouds, and I’d never believed him.  The man did.  He seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

That was when I told him, the first time, that secrets like those he had in his head, others would want them, that they would not understand his ideals.

He was naive back then.

Until one of his family members got sick.  When he described it, I knew.  The man was sending a message.  Jeremy didn’t understand or believe me.  That was when I told him.

And that it was too big for him to go up against them.  They were the ones who held all the cards.

Instead of going back to the apartment where Jeremy and Allison would be waiting, I went to the park.  For the first time, I didn’t want to participate in a game no one was going to win.

I think I also realised in that moment that my life and that of my family were over.  People like my tormentor kept people like me alive only when it suited them.  Win or lose, we would become collateral damage.  Loose ends to be tidied up.

I heard a door slam in my head and the sound of a scream.  Allison.  The sounds could only be coming from Jeremy’s.

What sounded like a gun fired once, followed by a very loud and extended “Noooooo…”

“You were not as clever as you think, Jeremy.”

The voice of my tormentor.

“You didn’t have to shoot Allison.”

“I did.  You failed to understand the basics.  I was not asking for the proof of concept.  You had to deliver it.  An hour ago.”

“I’m not giving it up.  To you or to anyone.”

Another shot.  I think I knew where that ended.  A sob told me he had just killed Allison.

“Was it worth losing her?”

“She was already dead.  As I am, once I hand over the plans.  I’m sure Stephen will be next.”

“The plans are in my head.  Not on paper.”

“Not what Blaikie said.  He saw the proof of concept, and it was everything you said.  So the plans have to be somewhere.”

Blaikie had been his science teacher in high school, a mentor.  He had died in an accident several years before.  Seems it was not an accident.  It explained how the man knew about Jeremy’s idea.

Another shot, and I heard a body slumped to the ground.  “I have eleven more bullets.  You are going to wish you were dead.”

“I already do.  Kill me, and it goes to the grave with me.”

Another shot, and a grunt.  “Get your boss to come.  I’ll give it to him and him alone.”

A startling change of tactics.

I could hear the man calling his boss.

Then, “Come now, Stephen.  Gun in the hall cleaners’ cupboard.  Shoot them.  You’re about ten minutes away.  You have time.”

I ran.

I guess Jeremy’s insistence that we join a gun club was just one of his weird ideas.  Until he explained what might happen one day.  Well, that day had arrived.

I was at the elevator lobby when I saw an expensive car stop our the front and as the doors opened, and man got out of the rear, joined by two barely disguised thugs.

I stepped in, the doors closed as the men came in the front entrance, and I was whisked up to the eighteenth floor.

I went to the closing, and there was the gun, just visible under the towels.  It had a suppressor and a full clip.  I chambered the first round.

I had to go around the corner to get to our apartment.  The man outside the door saw me and died.

I waited.  The men downstairs arrived and, without fear, strode towards the door, saw the body on the ground and turned.  All three died right there.

The man inside must have heard the yelp one of the men made when I shot him, and I saw the gun before he came out.

He saw me, fired, and I fired back.

He hit me in the arm.  I hit him in the head.  I was in a great deal of pain.  He was dead.

I went into the apartment.  Jeremy had been shot in both knees.  He would recover.  Allison had body armour, that much I could see, and was in a great deal of pain but unharmed.

“We won,” Jeremy said.

“No.  Look around you.  The guy out on the passage owns everything and everyone.  And has a clone waiting to take over, and they will come after us.  We need to go.”

He looked up at me through teary eyes.  “It’s not as if I can get up and walk away.  How?”

A man in EMT clothing came tentatively in and announced himself before walking in on us.

“Larry?”

He put his head around the corner.  “Steve.  You said it would be messy.  Elevators are on manual control; we have three minutes.”

He motioned for help, and two more came on with a guernsey, hoisted Jeremy on it it and were out the door in under a minute.  Larry and I got Allison, still half out of it and half carried, half dragged her to the elevator.  The doors closed and we went down to the car park.

“No one will know.  They think the elevators have stopped on various levels.

The doors opened.  An ambulance was waiting.  We all jumped in, Jeremy was loaded and sedated, and we were gone.

Three minutes and counting.  Outside the building, they lit up the siren and lights.

Larry was sitting in the back.

“What was plan B?” he asked.

“We were all dead.  Bad guys win.”

“You’ve only taken one off the board.  You know the drill.”

“Three actually.”

“Your father, yes, and the others?”

“His sons, the ones we didn’t know about, to his mistress.  The men I just shot.”

“They didn’t recognise you?”

“Never met them, formally.  But the boss did visit us once, not long after my father disappeared.  His younger brother came later with the threats.  Ignorance sometimes is bliss.”

“Now?”

“We clean up.”

Allison sucked in a deep breath and looked at me.

“Steven.  What just happened?”

“The worst case scenario.”

“Jeremy?”

“Banged up a little, but safe.”

“It worked?”

“Miraculously, yes.  Now we clean up and then disappear for a while.  Job well done.”

I hadn’t known when I was 13 that I had killed a high-ranking crime boss who was living a double life.  We only know him as Louie the factory worker, not James McDougal, crime boss with two other families.

The sheriff had told me the truth when I told him what had happened, and instead of arresting me, he introduced me the the State investigation officers who said that I would one day be approached by a man who would tell me what I would have to do.

That day came and went. 

Then they told me a story about another boy who was going to invent a miracle product, and along with a girl, we would become a team that would lay a foundation of bread crumbs to expose the rest of that crime family.  Who could resist an invention with a gold mine and easy enough to steal from gullible children?

Undercover for seven years.  The whole of my childhood, thermirs too I guessed, two hot-headed about to become criminals given a second chance.

The ambulance travelled for an hour, north, I guessed, until we hit a dirt road, and then it stopped.  The doors opened, and the man who had been in charge of the operation was there.

“Well done.  We’ll get you cleaned up and then somewhere to recover.  Then, a few months’ vacation, you’ve earned it.”

So, no going our separate ways, as promised.  I should have known it was too good to be true.

©  Charles Heath  2025

“Sunday in New York”, a romantic adventure that’s not a walk in the park!

“Sunday in New York” is ultimately a story about trust, and what happens when a marriage is stretched to its limits.

When Harry Steele attends a lunch with his manager, Barclay, to discuss a promotion that any junior executive would accept in a heartbeat, it is the fact his wife, Alison, who previously professed her reservations about Barclay, also agreed to attend, that casts a small element of doubt in his mind.

From that moment, his life, in the company, in deciding what to do, his marriage, his very life, spirals out of control.

There is no one big factor that can prove Harry’s worst fears, that his marriage is over, just a number of small, interconnecting events, when piled on top of each other, points to a cataclysmic end to everything he had believed in.

Trust is lost firstly in his best friend and mentor, Andy, who only hints of impending disaster, Sasha, a woman whom he saved, and who appears to have motives of her own, and then in his wife, Alison, as he discovered piece by piece damning evidence she is about to leave him for another man.

Can we trust what we see with our eyes or trust what we hear?

Haven’t we all jumped to conclusions at least once in our lives?

Can Alison, a woman whose self-belief and confidence is about to be put to the ultimate test, find a way of proving their relationship is as strong as it has ever been?

As they say in the classics, read on!

Purchase:

http://tinyurl.com/Amazon-SundayInNewYork

“Echoes From The Past”, the past doesn’t necessarily stay there


What happens when your past finally catches up with you?

Christmas is just around the corner, a time to be with family. For Will Mason, an orphan since he was fourteen, it is a time for reflection on what his life could have been, and what it could be.

Until a chance encounter brings back to life the reasons for his twenty years of self-imposed exile from a life only normal people could have. From that moment Will’s life slowly starts to unravel and it’s obvious to him it’s time to move on.

This time, however, there is more at stake.

Will has broken his number one rule, don’t get involved.

With his nemesis, Eddie Jamieson, suddenly within reach, and a blossoming relationship with an office colleague, Maria, about to change everything, Will has to make a choice. Quietly leave, or finally, make a stand.

But as Will soon discovers, when other people are involved there is going to be terrible consequences no matter what choice he makes.

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“Trouble in Store” – Short stories my way:  Jack, the girl, and the shopkeeper

I have reworked the first part of the story with a few new elements about the characters and changed a few of the details of how the characters finish up in the shop before the policewoman makes her entrance.

This is part of the new first section is the one that involves the Jack, the girl, and the shopkeeper

 

Jack exchanged a look with the shopkeeper, who in return gave him a slight shrug as if to say he had no idea what this was about.

He could see the girl was not strung out on drugs; if she was it would be a good bet both would be shot or dead by now.  She was just the unfortunate partner of a boy who was on drugs and had found herself in a dangerous position.

Beth, his wife, had told him she didn’t like nor trust the shopkeeper and that her friend in the same apartment block had told her he had been seen selling drugs to youths who hung around just before he closed.  She had warned him it would not be safe, but he had ignored her.

It was a bit late to tell her she was right.

He took a half step towards the door, judging the distance and time it would take to open the door and get out.

Too far, and he would be too slow, his reward for running; a bullet in the back.

Perhaps another half step when she wasn’t looking.

 

The shopkeeper changed his expression to one more placatory, and said quietly to the girl, “Look, this is not this chap’s problem.”  He nodded in the direction of the customer.  “I’m sure he’d rather not be here, and you would glad of one less distraction.”

He could see she was wavering.  She was not holding the gun so steadily, and the longer this dragged on, the more nervous and unpredictable she would become.

And in the longer game, the customer would sing his praises no matter what happened if he could get him out of the shop alive and well.

This could still be a win-win situation.

 

The girl looked at Jack.  The shopkeeper was right.  If he wasn’t here this could be over. 

But there was another problem.  It didn’t look like Simmo was in any shape to getaway.  In fact, this was looking more like a suicide mission.

She waved the gun in his direction.  ‘Get out now, before I change my mind.’

As the gun turned to the shopkeeper, Jack wasn’t going to wait to be asked twice and started sidling towards the door.

 

© Charles Heath 2016-2020

The cinema of my dreams – Was it just another surveillance job – Episode 66

This story is now on the list to be finished so over the new few weeks, expect a new episode every few days.

The reason why new episodes have been sporadic, there are also other stories to write, and I’m not very good at prioritizing.

But, here we are, a few minutes opened up and it didn’t take long to get back into the groove.

Things are about to get complicated…


Behind me, I could see Dobbin moving towards the door.

“You really don’t want to do this,” I said.

“He offered me a better deal.”

“I give you these, you will probably have about an hour, two at the most before he kills you.”

She shrugged.   She was a deadly shot, so it was not an option to talk her out of it.  I threw the plastic bag to her.

“This way, at least, you live.  You’re good, but too trusting.”

Dobbin opened the door.  “Enough chit-chat; let’s go before someone else turns up.  Walk away Jackson, don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

I watched them leave, then turned to Anna.  “This should please you immensely.”

“You mean you couldn’t see it coming?  Hell, with all that analysis it wasn’t hard to work out Dobbin was the one orchestrating everything.”

I pulled out my phone and dialled Joanne’s number.  When she answered I said, “They just left.”

“With the data?”

“With what they think is the data.”

“You have it?”

“No.  O’Connell had it, and someone got to him.  He’s dead next door, by the way, and we have two medical cases, one relatively serious, both requiring an ambulance sooner rather than later.”

“On it.  And thanks.”

I went over to Anna and sat beside her.

Jan was glaring at us.  “You said no one would get shot.”

We watched her slide over and join us against the wall.

“I said Jennifer was an unknown quantity.  I didn’t think she’d take me so literally, but on the other hand, the signs were there.  In training, she shot at three of the recruits.”

“Well, she didn’t recognise me, which, I guess, is something.”

“Who are you again?” Jan asked her.

“Yolanda.  I was at the training camp with Sam.  Severin made a pass at me, I kicked him in the you know what’s, and he kicked me out.  I never gave back the comms unit, and I used to listen in to the exercises and discovered they’d finally been activated, so I went to have a look.  Things got very scary when the target started taking out the surveillance team.  They were out of their depth.  Then I caught up with Sam, called him, and asked him what was going on.  He said the target was going to the café and for me to go around the back, no time for hello’s.  A minute or so later I see a guy toss something into the back of the café and take off.  Then it goes up and all hell broke loose.  Naturally, I got the hell out of there, and called him later, asked if he needed some off-book help, and here I am.”

“Could have been the death of you.”

“Nah.  Sam and I were the best two of that bunch, and then maybe Jennifer.  Damn that bitch to hell now.  Hope they give us five minutes with her.”

“So,” I could see Jan was still wrestling with details.  “Anna died in that explosion?”

“Yes.”

“Did you know who Anna was?”

“Not at first, but when I saw a photo of her, and the similarities I shared with her, Sam suggested I take her place, and we took it from there.  Sam told me where I could find O’Connell and it wasn’t hard to reconnect, it was six months and he didn’t notice the changes in Anna, which, to me, is a sign of bad tradecraft.  He still had the money, I pretended to still have the USB but not with me but back at the flat.  He tested the USB and found the right level of encryption, then gave me the five million pounds, and we parted.  Now he’s dead.  When Sam arrived, I thought it was going to be me next.”

“How did you know what sort of encryption was on the USB?”

Good question.  Jan was thinking outside the box, which is what any agent should be doing.

“We spend a few weeks off and on in training, studying encryption techniques, but concentrated on one, for reasons we were never told.  I realized that it was related to the eventual mission.  It wasn’t hard to emulate.  I made up about a dozen USBs just in case.”

“Just out of curiosity, what’s on those USB’s?”

“A PDF copy of War and Peace.”

© Charles Heath 2020-2023

Writing a book in 365 days – My Story 39

More about my story

Probing the mind of a spy

The Invisible Architecture: Deconstructing the Spy’s Mind

From the silver screen’s suave secret agents to the shadowy figures whispered about in history, spies captivate our imaginations. We’re drawn to their daring, their cunning, and their seemingly impossible feats. But beyond the gadgets and globe-trotting glamour, what truly defines these individuals? What intricate mental machinery allows them to navigate a world of deception, pressure, and profound solitude?

Let’s pull back the curtain and probe inside the mind of a spy.

What Makes Them Who They Are: The Forge of the Unseen

A spy isn’t born; they are meticulously forged. It’s a complex blend of innate psychological predispositions and relentless, specialized training that shapes them into instruments of statecraft.

  1. The Innate Blueprint: Certain baseline traits are almost universal.
    • Exceptional Observational Skills: More than just seeing, they perceive. They notice the subtle shifts in body language, the flicker of doubt in an eye, the incongruity in a narrative.
    • Sharp, Analytical Intellect: The ability to process vast amounts of information, connect disparate dots, and identify patterns where others see only chaos.
    • High Emotional Intelligence/Controlled Empathy: Not a lack of emotion, but a profound understanding of it – in others. They can read people like open books, anticipate reactions, and manipulate sentiments without necessarily feeling them deeply themselves.
    • Unflappable Composure: A core ability to remain calm, rational, and make split-second decisions under extreme pressure, often with life-or-death consequences.
    • Adaptability and Resourcefulness: The capacity to think on their feet, improvise solutions with limited resources, and pivot plans on a dime.
  2. The Conditioning Chamber: These raw materials are then honed through intensive psychological and practical training.
    • Mastery of Deception: This isn’t just about lying; it’s about living a lie. It involves creating and maintaining elaborate cover stories, adopting new identities, and suppressing genuine self-expression for extended periods. This requires incredible compartmentalization and a near-actor’s ability to embody a persona.
    • Psychological Resilience: Training focuses on stress inoculation, resistance to interrogation, and the ability to endure isolation and discomfort without breaking. They learn to manage paranoia, loneliness, and the constant awareness of danger.
    • Memory and Recall: From faces and names to routes and codes, a spy’s memory is a vital weapon, trained to be precise and robust under duress.
    • Discipline and Patience: Espionage is often a game of waiting, observing, and executing with perfect timing. Impulsivity is a fatal flaw.

Producing the Impossible: The Art of the Invisible Hand

How do these meticulously crafted minds achieve results that seem beyond human capability? It’s a combination of unique mental faculties and strategic application.

  1. The Power of Perspective: Spies operate with a detached, almost clinical view of situations. They are trained to strip away emotional bias and focus purely on objective information and strategic advantage. This allows them to see vulnerabilities and opportunities others miss.
  2. Calculated Risk Assessment: They don’t shy away from danger, but they don’t court it recklessly either. Their minds are constantly running complex risk-benefit analyses, weighing every potential outcome and contingency. The “impossible” results often stem from a willingness to take calculated risks that others wouldn’t even contemplate, backed by meticulous planning.
  3. Mastery of Human Psychology: This is perhaps their most potent weapon. By understanding motivations, fears, desires, and biases, they can subtly influence, persuade, or coerce targets. They build rapport with lightning speed, identify leverage points, and exploit the very human need for connection or recognition.
  4. Unwavering Focus and Grit: When facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles or enduring prolonged periods of intense stress, their mental fortitude kicks in. They possess an extraordinary capacity for sustained effort and an almost pathological refusal to give up, seeing failure not as an end, but as a problem to be solved.
  5. The Art of the Long Game: Many intelligence operations unfold over months, even years. A spy’s mind is wired for patience, understanding that immediate gratification is rarely an option. They lay groundwork, plant seeds, and wait for the perfect moment to execute.

The Silent Cost

Behind the “impossible results” lies a profound personal cost. The constant performance, the emotional detachment, the pervasive threat of exposure, and the profound loneliness of a life lived in secrets can take a heavy toll. Paranoia becomes a constant companion, and the line between their true self and their constructed identities can blur, sometimes irrevocably.

Ultimately, the mind of a spy is a testament to human potential – for discipline, resilience, and strategic thinking – but also to the complex psychological sacrifices required in the service of a greater, often unseen, purpose. It’s a labyrinthine architecture, incredibly potent, and forever shrouded in enigma.


What aspects of a spy’s mind do you find most intriguing or terrifying? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

What I learned about writing: Writers need to have many alter egos

I have often wondered just how much or how little of the author’s personality and experiences end up in a fictional character.

Have they climbed mountains,

Have they escaped from what is almost the inescapable,

Have they been shot, tortured, or worse,

Have they been dumped, or divorced,

Have they travelled to dangerous places, or got locked up in a foreign jail?

We research, read, and I guess experience some or all of the above on the way to getting the book written, but it’s perhaps an interesting fundamental question.

Who am I today?  Or, more to the point, who do I want to be today?

Or it can be a question, out of left field, in an interview; “Who are you?”

My initial reaction was to say, “I’m a writer.”  But that wasn’t the answer the interviewer is looking for.

Perhaps if she had asked, “Who are you when you’re writing your latest story?” it would make more sense.

Am I myself today?

Am I some fictional character an amalgam of a lot of other people?

Have I got someone definite in mind when I start writing the story?

The short answer might be, “I usually want to be someone other than what I am now.  It’s fiction.  I can be anyone or anything I want, provided, of course, I know the limitations of the character.”

“So,” she says, “what if you want to be a fireman?”

“I don’t want to be a fireman.”

“But if the story goes in the direction where you need a fireman…”

“What is this thing you have with firemen?”  I’m shaking my head.  How did we get off track?

“Just saying.”

“Then I’d have to research the role, but I’m not considering adding a fireman anytime soon.”

She sighs.  “Your loss.”

Moving on.

And there is that other very interesting question; “Who would you like to be if you could be someone else?”

A writer in that period between the wars, perhaps like an F Scott Fitzgerald or Ernest Hemingway, in Paris, or if it is a fictional character, Jay Gatsby.

He’s just the sort of person who is an enigma wrapped up in a mystery.

An excerpt from “What Sets Us Apart”, a mystery with a twist

See the excerpt from the story below, just a taste of what’s in store…

http://amzn.to/2Eryfth

whatsetscover

McCallister was old school, a man who would most likely fit in perfectly campaigning on the battlefields of Europe during the Second World War. He’d been like a fish out of water in the army, post-Falklands, and while he retired a hero, he still felt he’d more to give.

He’d applied and was accepted as head of a SWAT team, and, watching him now as he and his men disembarked from the truck in almost military precision, a look passed between Annette, the police liaison officer, and I that said she’d seen it all before. I know I had.

There was a one in four chance his team would be selected for this operation, and she had been hoping it would be one of the other three. While waiting for them to arrive she filled me in on the various teams. His was the least co-operative, and the more likely to make ad-hoc decisions rather than adhere to the plan, or any orders that may come from the officer in charge.

This, she said quite bluntly, was going to end badly.

I still had no idea why Prendergast instructed me to attend the scene of what looked to be a normal domestic operation, but as the nominated expert in the field in these types of situations, it was fairly clear he wasn’t taking any chances. It was always a matter of opinion between us, and generally I lost.

In this case, it was an anonymous report identifying what the authorities believed were explosives in one of the dockside sheds where explosives were not supposed to be.

The only reason why the report was given any credence was the man, while not identifying himself by name, said he’d been an explosive expert once and recognized the boxes. That could mean anything, but the Chief Constable was a cautious man.

With his men settled and preparing their weapons, McCallister came over to the command post, not much more than the SUV my liaison and I arrived in, with weapons, bulletproof vests, and rolls of tape to cordon off the area afterward. We both had coffee, steaming in the cold early morning air. Dawn was slowly approaching and although rain had been forecast it had yet to arrive.

A man by the name of Benson was in charge. He too had groaned when he saw McCallister.

“A fine morning for it.” McCallister was the only enthusiastic one here.

He didn’t say what ‘it’ was, but I thought it might eventually be mayhem.

“Let’s hope the rain stays away. It’s going to be difficult enough without it,” Benson said, rubbing his hands together. We had been waiting for the SWAT team to arrive, and another team to take up their position under the wharf, and who was in the final stages of securing their position.

While we were waiting we drew up the plan. I’d go in first to check on what we were dealing with, and what type of explosives. The SWAT team, in the meantime, were to ensure all the exits to the shed were covered. When I gave the signal, they were to enter and secure the building. We were not expecting anyone inside or out, and no movement had been detected in the last hour since our arrival and deployment.

“What’s the current situation?”

“I’ve got eyes on the building, and a team coming in from the waterside, underneath. Its slow progress, but they’re nearly there. Once they’re in place, we’re sending McKenzie in.”

He looked in my direction.

“With due respect sir, shouldn’t it be one of us?” McCallister glared at me with the contempt that only a decorated military officer could.

“No. I have orders from above, much higher than I care to argue with, so, McCallister, no gung-ho heroics for the moment. Just be ready to move on my command, and make sure you have three teams at the exit points, ready to secure the building.”

McCallister opened his mouth, no doubt to question those orders, but instead closed it again. “Yes sir,” he muttered and turned away heading back to his men.

“You’re not going to have much time before he storms the battlements,” Benson quietly said to me, a hint of exasperation in his tone. “I’m dreading the paperwork.”

It was exactly what my liaison officer said when she saw McCallister arriving.

The water team sent their ‘in position’ signal, and we were ready to go.

In the hour or so we’d been on site nothing had stirred, no arrivals, no departures, and no sign anyone was inside, but that didn’t mean we were alone. Nor did it mean I was going to walk in and see immediately what was going on. If it was a cache of explosives then it was possible the building was booby-trapped in any number of ways, there could be sentries or guards, and they had eyes on us, or it might be a false alarm.

I was hoping for the latter.

I put on the bulletproof vest, thinking it was a poor substitute for full battle armor against an exploding bomb, but we were still treating this as a ‘suspected’ case. I noticed my liaison officer was pulling on her bulletproof vest too.

“You don’t have to go. This is my party, not yours,” I said.

“The Chief Constable told me to stick to you like glue, sir.”

I looked at Benson. “Talk some sense into her please, this is not a kindergarten outing.”

He shrugged. Seeing McCallister had taken all the fight out of him. “Orders are orders. If that’s what the Chief Constable requested …”

Madness. I glared at her, and she gave me a wan smile. “Stay behind me then, and don’t do anything stupid.”

“Believe me, I won’t be.” She pulled out and checked her weapon, chambering the first round. It made a reassuring sound.

Suited up, weapons readied, a last sip of the coffee in a stomach that was already churning from nerves and tension, I looked at the target, one hundred yards distant and thought it was going to be the longest hundred yards I’d ever traversed. At least for this week.

A swirling mist rolled in and caused a slight change in plans.

Because the front of the buildings was constantly illuminated by large overhead arc lamps, my intention had been to approach the building from the rear where there was less light and more cover. Despite the lack of movement, if there were explosives in that building, there’d be ‘enemy’ surveillance somewhere, and, after making that assumption, I believed it was going to be easier and less noticeable to use the darkness as a cover.

It was a result of the consultation, and studying the plans of the warehouse, plans that showed three entrances, the main front hangar type doors, a side entrance for truck entry and exit and a small door in the rear, at the end of an internal passage leading to several offices. I also assumed it was the exit used when smokers needed a break. Our entry would be by the rear door or failing that, the side entrance where a door was built into the larger sliding doors. In both cases, the locks would not present a problem.

The change in the weather made the approach shorter, and given the density of the mist now turning into a fog, we were able to approach by the front, hugging the walls, and moving quickly while there was cover. I could feel the dampness of the mist and shivered more than once.

It was nerves more than the cold.

I could also feel rather than see the presence of Annette behind me, and once felt her breath on my neck when we stopped for a quick reconnaissance.

It was the same for McCallister’s men. I could feel them following us, quickly and quietly, and expected, if I turned around, to see him breathing down my neck too.

It added to the tension.

My plan was still to enter by the back door.

We slipped up the alley between the two sheds to the rear corner and stopped. I heard a noise coming from the rear of the building, and the light tap on the shoulder told me Annette had heard it too. I put my hand up to signal her to wait, and as a swirl of mist rolled in, I slipped around the corner heading towards where I’d last seen the glow of a cigarette.

The mist cleared, and we saw each other at the same time. He was a bearded man in battle fatigues, not the average dockside security guard.

He was quick, but my slight element of surprise was his undoing, and he was down and unconscious in less than a few seconds with barely a sound beyond the body hitting the ground. Zip ties secured his hands and legs, and tape his mouth. Annette joined me a minute after securing him.

A glance at the body then me, “I can see why they, whoever they are, sent you.”

She’d asked who I worked for, and I didn’t answer. It was best she didn’t know.

“Stay behind me,” I said, more urgency in my tone. If there was one, there’d be another.

Luck was with us so far. A man outside smoking meant no booby traps on the back door, and quite possibly there’d be none inside. But it indicated there were more men inside, and if so, it appeared they were very well trained. If that were the case, they would be formidable opponents.

The fear factor increased exponentially.

I slowly opened the door and looked in. A pale light shone from within the warehouse itself, one that was not bright enough to be detected from outside. None of the offices had lights on, so it was possible they were vacant. I realized then they had blacked out the windows. Why hadn’t someone checked this?

Once inside, the door closed behind us, progress was slow and careful. She remained directly behind me, gun ready to shoot anything that moved. I had a momentary thought for McCallister and his men, securing the perimeter.

At the end of the corridor, the extent of the warehouse stretched before us. The pale lighting made it seem like a vast empty cavern, except for a long trestle table along one side, and, behind it, stacks of wooden crates, some opened. It looked like a production line.

To get to the table from where we were was a ten-yard walk in the open. There was no cover. If we stuck to the walls, there was equally no cover and a longer walk.

We needed a distraction.

As if on cue, the two main entrances disintegrated into flying shrapnel accompanied by a deafening explosion that momentarily disoriented both Annette and I. Through the smoke and dust kicked up I saw three men appear from behind the wooden crates, each with what looked like machine guns, spraying bullets in the direction of the incoming SWAT members.

They never had a chance, cut down before they made ten steps into the building.

By the time I’d recovered, my head heavy, eyes watering and ears still ringing, I took several steps towards them, managing to take down two of the gunmen but not the third.

I heard a voice, Annette’s I think, yell out, “Oh, God, he’s got a trigger,” just before another explosion, though all I remember in that split second was a bright flash, the intense heat, something very heavy smashing into my chest knocking the wind out of me, and then the sensation of flying, just before I hit the wall.

I spent four weeks in an induced coma, three months being stitched back together and another six learning to do all those basic actions everyone took for granted. It was twelve months almost to the day when I was released from the hospital, physically, except for a few alterations required after being hit by shrapnel, looking the same as I always had.

But mentally? The document I’d signed on release said it all, ‘not fit for active duty; discharged’.

It was in the name of David Cheney. For all intents and purposes, Alistair McKenzie was killed in that warehouse, and for the first time ever, an agent left the Department, the first to retire alive.

I was not sure I liked the idea of making history.

© Charles Heath 2016-2020

Writing a book in 365 days – My Story 39

More about my story

Probing the mind of a spy

The Invisible Architecture: Deconstructing the Spy’s Mind

From the silver screen’s suave secret agents to the shadowy figures whispered about in history, spies captivate our imaginations. We’re drawn to their daring, their cunning, and their seemingly impossible feats. But beyond the gadgets and globe-trotting glamour, what truly defines these individuals? What intricate mental machinery allows them to navigate a world of deception, pressure, and profound solitude?

Let’s pull back the curtain and probe inside the mind of a spy.

What Makes Them Who They Are: The Forge of the Unseen

A spy isn’t born; they are meticulously forged. It’s a complex blend of innate psychological predispositions and relentless, specialized training that shapes them into instruments of statecraft.

  1. The Innate Blueprint: Certain baseline traits are almost universal.
    • Exceptional Observational Skills: More than just seeing, they perceive. They notice the subtle shifts in body language, the flicker of doubt in an eye, the incongruity in a narrative.
    • Sharp, Analytical Intellect: The ability to process vast amounts of information, connect disparate dots, and identify patterns where others see only chaos.
    • High Emotional Intelligence/Controlled Empathy: Not a lack of emotion, but a profound understanding of it – in others. They can read people like open books, anticipate reactions, and manipulate sentiments without necessarily feeling them deeply themselves.
    • Unflappable Composure: A core ability to remain calm, rational, and make split-second decisions under extreme pressure, often with life-or-death consequences.
    • Adaptability and Resourcefulness: The capacity to think on their feet, improvise solutions with limited resources, and pivot plans on a dime.
  2. The Conditioning Chamber: These raw materials are then honed through intensive psychological and practical training.
    • Mastery of Deception: This isn’t just about lying; it’s about living a lie. It involves creating and maintaining elaborate cover stories, adopting new identities, and suppressing genuine self-expression for extended periods. This requires incredible compartmentalization and a near-actor’s ability to embody a persona.
    • Psychological Resilience: Training focuses on stress inoculation, resistance to interrogation, and the ability to endure isolation and discomfort without breaking. They learn to manage paranoia, loneliness, and the constant awareness of danger.
    • Memory and Recall: From faces and names to routes and codes, a spy’s memory is a vital weapon, trained to be precise and robust under duress.
    • Discipline and Patience: Espionage is often a game of waiting, observing, and executing with perfect timing. Impulsivity is a fatal flaw.

Producing the Impossible: The Art of the Invisible Hand

How do these meticulously crafted minds achieve results that seem beyond human capability? It’s a combination of unique mental faculties and strategic application.

  1. The Power of Perspective: Spies operate with a detached, almost clinical view of situations. They are trained to strip away emotional bias and focus purely on objective information and strategic advantage. This allows them to see vulnerabilities and opportunities others miss.
  2. Calculated Risk Assessment: They don’t shy away from danger, but they don’t court it recklessly either. Their minds are constantly running complex risk-benefit analyses, weighing every potential outcome and contingency. The “impossible” results often stem from a willingness to take calculated risks that others wouldn’t even contemplate, backed by meticulous planning.
  3. Mastery of Human Psychology: This is perhaps their most potent weapon. By understanding motivations, fears, desires, and biases, they can subtly influence, persuade, or coerce targets. They build rapport with lightning speed, identify leverage points, and exploit the very human need for connection or recognition.
  4. Unwavering Focus and Grit: When facing seemingly insurmountable obstacles or enduring prolonged periods of intense stress, their mental fortitude kicks in. They possess an extraordinary capacity for sustained effort and an almost pathological refusal to give up, seeing failure not as an end, but as a problem to be solved.
  5. The Art of the Long Game: Many intelligence operations unfold over months, even years. A spy’s mind is wired for patience, understanding that immediate gratification is rarely an option. They lay groundwork, plant seeds, and wait for the perfect moment to execute.

The Silent Cost

Behind the “impossible results” lies a profound personal cost. The constant performance, the emotional detachment, the pervasive threat of exposure, and the profound loneliness of a life lived in secrets can take a heavy toll. Paranoia becomes a constant companion, and the line between their true self and their constructed identities can blur, sometimes irrevocably.

Ultimately, the mind of a spy is a testament to human potential – for discipline, resilience, and strategic thinking – but also to the complex psychological sacrifices required in the service of a greater, often unseen, purpose. It’s a labyrinthine architecture, incredibly potent, and forever shrouded in enigma.


What aspects of a spy’s mind do you find most intriguing or terrifying? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Inspiration, Maybe – Volume 2

50 photographs, 50 stories, of which there is one of the 50 below.

They all start with –

A picture paints … well, as many words as you like.  For instance:

And, the story:

Have you ever watched your hopes and dreams simply just fly away?

Everything I thought I wanted and needed had just left in an aeroplane, and although I said I was not going to, i came to the airport to see the plane leave.  Not the person on it, that would have been far too difficult and emotional, but perhaps it was symbolic, the end of one life and the start of another.

But no matter what I thought or felt, we had both come to the right decision.  She needed the opportunity to spread her wings.  It was probably not the best idea for her to apply for the job without telling me, but I understood her reasons.

She was in a rut.  Though her job was a very good one, it was not as demanding as she had expected, particularly after the last promotion, but with it came resentment from others on her level, that she, the youngest of the group would get the position.

It was something that had been weighing down of her for the last three months, and if noticed it, the late nights, the moodiness, sometimes a flash of temper.  I knew she had one, no one could have such red hair and not, but she had always kept it in check.

And, then there was us, together, and after seven years, it felt like we were going nowhere.  Perhaps that was down to my lack of ambition, and though she never said it, lack of sophistication.  It hadn’t been an issue, well, not until her last promotion, and the fact she had to entertain more, and frankly I felt like an embarrassment to her.

So, there it was, three days ago, the beginning of the weekend, and we had planned to go away for a few days and take stock.  We both acknowledged we needed to talk, but it never seemed the right time.

It was then she said she had quit her job and found a new one.  Starting the following Monday.

Ok, that took me by surprise, not so much that it something I sort of guessed might happen, but that she would just blurt it out.

I think that right then, at that moment, I could feel her frustration with everything around her.

What surprised her was my reaction.  None.

I simply asked where who, and when.

A world-class newspaper, in New York, and she had to be there in a week.

A week.

It was all the time I had left with her.

I remember I just shrugged and asked if the planned weekend away was off.

She stood on the other side of the kitchen counter, hands around a cup of coffee she had just poured, and that one thing I remembered was the lone tear that ran down her cheek.

Is that all you want to know?

I did, yes, but we had lost that intimacy we used to have when she would have told me what was happening, and we would have brainstormed solutions. I might be a cabinet maker but I still had a brain, was what I overheard her tell a friend once.

There’s not much to ask, I said.  You’ve been desperately unhappy and haven’t been able to hide it all that well, you have been under a lot of pressure trying to deal with a group of troglodytes, and you’ve been leaning on Bentley’s shoulder instead of mine, and I get it, he’s got more experience in that place,  and the politics that go with it, and is still an ally.

Her immediate superior and instrumental in her getting the position, but unlike some men in his position he had not taken advantage of a situation like some men would.  And even if she had made a move, which I doubted, that was not the sort of woman she was, he would have politely declined.

One of the very few happily married men in that organisation, so I heard.

So, she said, you’re not just a pretty face.

Par for the course for a cabinet maker whose university degree is in psychology.  It doesn’t take rocket science to see what was happening to you.  I just didn’t think it was my place to jump in unless you asked me, and when you didn’t, well, that told me everything I needed to know.

Yes, our relationship had a use by date, and it was in the next few days.

I was thinking, she said, that you might come with me,  you can make cabinets anywhere.

I could, but I think the real problem wasn’t just the job.  It was everything around her and going with her, that would just be a constant reminder of what had been holding her back. I didn’t want that for her and said so.

Then the only question left was, what do we do now?

Go shopping for suitcases.  Bags to pack, and places to go.

Getting on the roller coaster is easy.  On the beginning, it’s a slow easy ride, followed by the slow climb to the top.  It’s much like some relationships, they start out easy, they require a little work to get to the next level, follows by the adrenaline rush when it all comes together.

What most people forget is that what comes down must go back up, and life is pretty much a roller coaster with highs and lows.

Our roller coaster had just come or of the final turn and we were braking so that it stops at the station.

There was no question of going with her to New York.  Yes, I promised I’d come over and visit her, but that was a promise with crossed fingers behind my back.  After a few months in t the new job the last thing shed want was a reminder of what she left behind.  New friends new life.

We packed her bags, three out everything she didn’t want, a free trips to the op shop with stiff she knew others would like to have, and basically, by the time she was ready to go, there was nothing left of her in the apartment, or anywhere.

Her friends would be seeing her off at the airport, and that’s when I told her I was not coming, that moment the taxi arrived to take her away forever.  I remember standing there, watching the taxi go.  It was going to be, and was, as hard as it was to watch the plane leave.

So, there I was, finally staring at the blank sky, around me a dozen other plane spotters, a rather motley crew of plane enthusiasts.

Already that morning there’s been 6 different types of plane depart, and I could hear another winding up its engines for take-off.

People coming, people going.

Maybe I would go to New York in a couple of months, not to see her, but just see what the attraction was.  Or maybe I would drop in, just to see how she was.

As one of my friends told me when I gave him the news, the future is never written in stone, and it’s about time you broadened your horizons.

Perhaps it was.


© Charles Heath 2020-2021

Coming soon.  Find the above story and 49 others like it in: