It seems that there are many ways of bringing children to life in your stories.

The most obvious is your own, but those traits might seem so polarised they and others might realise who they are based on, with the distress that comes with it.

Then there are the children of your friends and relationships, definitely fodder for many stories because those children are definitely far worse than your own, or better perhaps.

It leaves you questioning where you went wrong, or why you didn’t get the manual when the hospital kicked to the kerb with this screaming bundle of joy, their words not yours.

So we start with real-life experiences.

To muddy the waters so they don’t get the impression you’re paying out on them, you can always add the traits of those you see in the shopping malls.

Shopping malls are a gold mine for behavioural traits, from the very worst tantrum thrower to the best behaved. For my money and proven time and time again, those well-dressed, very well-behaved children are purely evil.

With the tantrum thrower, what you see if what you get.

With the well-behaved, you spend all of your time watching your back and waiting for the knife to penetrate your spine between the fourth and fifth vertebrae. You just know instinctively they’re medical school prodigies.

Of course, there are one or two good children, Santa has to have a reason for existence, but they are like 1,000 ounce gold nuggets; very, very hard to find.