Day 71

Editing, and the effect on length

…

Sometimes editing has a different effect on how long the book will be.

Sending it to an editor with the instruction to lose 20,000 words of a novel that is 110,000 words long will get just that. That’s the editor’s job.

Sending a book to another editor and telling them to make sure the story is written properly, that there’s continuity, and the character’s timelines and backstories are fitting, may add another 20,000 words.

As a case in point, one of my stories started out at 365 pages. It was read by three different beta readers who all said the same thing. There were parts of the novel ‘missing’.

I read it, then reread it, and could see what they meant. I sat down and rewrote it, filling in the gaps, and when I was finished, it was 535 pages, and a completely different, but much better, story.

Sometimes it’s not a matter of cutting things out, not unless they don’t add to the story, but more that the story cannot have gaps, plot holes, and stuff happening without content or relevance.

To me, a story takes as many pages as it does to get it from the start to the end and make sense to the reader. The editor with then make suggestions on whether more is needed or less. We all tend to waffle at times, so be prepared for cuts, but these might not be as bad as it seems.

Day 70

Writing exercise – end the story with the line ‘ “I know, trust me, I do,” she said, “But this way we live. Isn’t that what you want?” ‘

…

A wise man once told me that I would, one day, have to make a compromise that I wouldn’t like. At the time, I thought that I had everything under control. The pieces of my life were coming together one by one, after a lot of hard work.

There was a party, more a gathering of colleagues and a few friends, to celebrate my recent promotion. More money, meaning I could move into a better apartment, and finally ask Bernice to move in, if she wanted to.

I was not sure how she felt about me, other than that we were very good friends, and I was ready for the next step. But I soon would, we were meeting up after this was over. No one would be staying late, we all had early mornings.

Jack Bosworth, one of the three candidates for the position I finally got, was happy for me.

“Just glad Ansen didn’t get it,” he said.

We both were, Ansen was an ass who was only in it for himself and what he could get out of it. There were too many like that already. The company needed new blood if it was going to move forward.

Then Ansen wandered over. Five thousand dollar suits and one thousand dollar shoes, and I didn’t hear what the pure gold tie clip cost, he made sure everyone knew what he was worth.

“Brick.”

He knew my name was Hohn Brock, but pretended he could never remember. He knew it well enough when he was trying to convince the selection committee when he ‘confidentially’ told them about my shortcomings.

“Brock, Ansen, which you know is my name.”

“Brick, Brock, Brack, it’s just a name. Well played, this time. Just don’t get too comfortable. A few weeks, we’ll see how it goes.”

Always flanked by his wingmen, he simply smiled, and they moved on to the next junior executive whose aspirations they could quash. Being related to the boss I guess had its privileges, he might not get the position, but he would never get fired.

“Slimeball.” Bosworth didn’t like him, none of us did.

“Be that as it may, he’ll probably be my boss next week. I have to play nice.”

“We shouldn’t have to do anything.”

“It’s a game. It’s the same everywhere, there’s always one adversary who seems to have a charmed life. But let us not dwell, the bar closes soon and there’s a few drinks I’ve yet to try.”

…

An hour later I dashed into the restaurant five minutes late and Benice was already at the table looking annoyed. She did not like tardy people.

“Sorry,” I said, sliding into the chair after hanging my coat on the back of the chair.

“You wouldn’t have to be if you were on time. This is the second time, there will not be a third.”

Well, that took all of the euphoria out of the promotion, and the news I was going to tell her.

I sighed. “Are you ready to order?”

Her expression brooked no small talk. She was an eat-and-run girl, forever telling me her time was precious. The waiter was hovering. She asked for the salad, and I said ditto. No point in having more food than she, I would not get to finish it.

The waiter was gone, drinks poured, and she looked around the room. This was my moment. Her eyes came back to me.

“Not a good day at the office?” I was going to dance with the devil.

“It’s never a good day at the office.”

I saw her eyes wander over to the entrance to the restaurant, and three men came in. Her eyes lingered on them for a moment longer than they should, have before one pulled out a shotgun under his coat and fired into the roof, making a loud bang and a lot of mess.

“Now I have your attention. James Brock. Stand up now or I will start shooting diners till you do.”

I looked at Benice who was shaking her head.

He had the gun pointing at a woman’s head next to where he was standing.

I stood.

“Excellent. We’re leaving. Bring your friend.”

“She’s not involved.”

“I decide who’s involved or not.” By that time he had one of the other men dragging her out of her seat.

“Alright, alright.”

Thirty seconds, a police siren in the distance, we were bundled into a white van and it left the curb before the door was shut. Then, a needle to the neck and nothing.

Why me?”

…

When I woke I found myself in a chair, bound and gagged, opposite Bernice. She was looking at me.

Some people looked terrified and others were terrified, and Benice looked terrified. I’d expected she would be fighting the bindings and making noises, but she was sitting there, not calmly, but there again not as if she was trying to escape.

Me, I was just plain terrified. Men with guns, who might use them. A few TV scenarios ran through my mind, the most pertinent in this situation, that they would use her as leverage to get what they wanted. The question was how far they would go?

The bindings were tight and inescapable. The chair was bolted to the floor so no trying to fall over or break it. We were not blindfolded, and we had seen the faces of our captors. Not good.

The man with the shotgun appeared out of the gloom and stopped not far from Bernice, a silenced pistol in his right hand.

“I’m sorry about the interruption to your dinner, but I’m in a hurry, and you have something I need.”

I shrugged. No point answering while I was gagged.

He removed it, and Bernice’s. Surprisingly she didn’t speak.

“What do you need?”

“A code. A code only you know, I have been told.”

Who could have told him? Bernice didn’t because I’d never told her, and it was only known to three people, me, my boss, and the head of the IT department.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bluff first, though the tone I used sisn;t exactly sell it.

“You do. Let’s cut to the chase.”

“If I don’t.”

“Missy here dies from a nasty gunshot wound to the head.”

“You’re going to do that anyway. There’s no way you’re going to let us live now we’ve seen you.”

“We have anonymous faces. Facial recognition won’t match us with anything you will remember. just give me the code and I’m gone, and you two can spend the rest of your lives doing whatever it is you want.”

I could see Bernice following the conversation. “Just give him the code.”

Just like that.

“No. Either way, we’re both going to die. If I give it to him, they’ll know who did it, and they will execute me for treason. There’s no incentive.”

She glared at the man. “You’re not selling it. If what he says is true, then even I wouldn’t give it to you.”

The man looked at both of us. Then he raised the gun and shot at her, not fatally but the bullet hitting her arm and she screamed.

“Let there not be a second.”

I looked at her and could feel her pain. “I can’t, no matter how much I want to.”

“I know, trust me, I do,” she said, “But this way we live. Isn’t that what you want?”

…

©  Charles Heath  2025

Day 70

Writing exercise – end the story with the line ‘ “I know, trust me, I do,” she said, “But this way we live. Isn’t that what you want?” ‘

…

A wise man once told me that I would, one day, have to make a compromise that I wouldn’t like. At the time, I thought that I had everything under control. The pieces of my life were coming together one by one, after a lot of hard work.

There was a party, more a gathering of colleagues and a few friends, to celebrate my recent promotion. More money, meaning I could move into a better apartment, and finally ask Bernice to move in, if she wanted to.

I was not sure how she felt about me, other than that we were very good friends, and I was ready for the next step. But I soon would, we were meeting up after this was over. No one would be staying late, we all had early mornings.

Jack Bosworth, one of the three candidates for the position I finally got, was happy for me.

“Just glad Ansen didn’t get it,” he said.

We both were, Ansen was an ass who was only in it for himself and what he could get out of it. There were too many like that already. The company needed new blood if it was going to move forward.

Then Ansen wandered over. Five thousand dollar suits and one thousand dollar shoes, and I didn’t hear what the pure gold tie clip cost, he made sure everyone knew what he was worth.

“Brick.”

He knew my name was Hohn Brock, but pretended he could never remember. He knew it well enough when he was trying to convince the selection committee when he ‘confidentially’ told them about my shortcomings.

“Brock, Ansen, which you know is my name.”

“Brick, Brock, Brack, it’s just a name. Well played, this time. Just don’t get too comfortable. A few weeks, we’ll see how it goes.”

Always flanked by his wingmen, he simply smiled, and they moved on to the next junior executive whose aspirations they could quash. Being related to the boss I guess had its privileges, he might not get the position, but he would never get fired.

“Slimeball.” Bosworth didn’t like him, none of us did.

“Be that as it may, he’ll probably be my boss next week. I have to play nice.”

“We shouldn’t have to do anything.”

“It’s a game. It’s the same everywhere, there’s always one adversary who seems to have a charmed life. But let us not dwell, the bar closes soon and there’s a few drinks I’ve yet to try.”

…

An hour later I dashed into the restaurant five minutes late and Benice was already at the table looking annoyed. She did not like tardy people.

“Sorry,” I said, sliding into the chair after hanging my coat on the back of the chair.

“You wouldn’t have to be if you were on time. This is the second time, there will not be a third.”

Well, that took all of the euphoria out of the promotion, and the news I was going to tell her.

I sighed. “Are you ready to order?”

Her expression brooked no small talk. She was an eat-and-run girl, forever telling me her time was precious. The waiter was hovering. She asked for the salad, and I said ditto. No point in having more food than she, I would not get to finish it.

The waiter was gone, drinks poured, and she looked around the room. This was my moment. Her eyes came back to me.

“Not a good day at the office?” I was going to dance with the devil.

“It’s never a good day at the office.”

I saw her eyes wander over to the entrance to the restaurant, and three men came in. Her eyes lingered on them for a moment longer than they should, have before one pulled out a shotgun under his coat and fired into the roof, making a loud bang and a lot of mess.

“Now I have your attention. James Brock. Stand up now or I will start shooting diners till you do.”

I looked at Benice who was shaking her head.

He had the gun pointing at a woman’s head next to where he was standing.

I stood.

“Excellent. We’re leaving. Bring your friend.”

“She’s not involved.”

“I decide who’s involved or not.” By that time he had one of the other men dragging her out of her seat.

“Alright, alright.”

Thirty seconds, a police siren in the distance, we were bundled into a white van and it left the curb before the door was shut. Then, a needle to the neck and nothing.

Why me?”

…

When I woke I found myself in a chair, bound and gagged, opposite Bernice. She was looking at me.

Some people looked terrified and others were terrified, and Benice looked terrified. I’d expected she would be fighting the bindings and making noises, but she was sitting there, not calmly, but there again not as if she was trying to escape.

Me, I was just plain terrified. Men with guns, who might use them. A few TV scenarios ran through my mind, the most pertinent in this situation, that they would use her as leverage to get what they wanted. The question was how far they would go?

The bindings were tight and inescapable. The chair was bolted to the floor so no trying to fall over or break it. We were not blindfolded, and we had seen the faces of our captors. Not good.

The man with the shotgun appeared out of the gloom and stopped not far from Bernice, a silenced pistol in his right hand.

“I’m sorry about the interruption to your dinner, but I’m in a hurry, and you have something I need.”

I shrugged. No point answering while I was gagged.

He removed it, and Bernice’s. Surprisingly she didn’t speak.

“What do you need?”

“A code. A code only you know, I have been told.”

Who could have told him? Bernice didn’t because I’d never told her, and it was only known to three people, me, my boss, and the head of the IT department.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Bluff first, though the tone I used sisn;t exactly sell it.

“You do. Let’s cut to the chase.”

“If I don’t.”

“Missy here dies from a nasty gunshot wound to the head.”

“You’re going to do that anyway. There’s no way you’re going to let us live now we’ve seen you.”

“We have anonymous faces. Facial recognition won’t match us with anything you will remember. just give me the code and I’m gone, and you two can spend the rest of your lives doing whatever it is you want.”

I could see Bernice following the conversation. “Just give him the code.”

Just like that.

“No. Either way, we’re both going to die. If I give it to him, they’ll know who did it, and they will execute me for treason. There’s no incentive.”

She glared at the man. “You’re not selling it. If what he says is true, then even I wouldn’t give it to you.”

The man looked at both of us. Then he raised the gun and shot at her, not fatally but the bullet hitting her arm and she screamed.

“Let there not be a second.”

I looked at her and could feel her pain. “I can’t, no matter how much I want to.”

“I know, trust me, I do,” she said, “But this way we live. Isn’t that what you want?”

…

©  Charles Heath  2025

Day 69

People are plotters

…

The plot line for any story is about the actions of people and the consequences of their actions.

Let’s face it, people, well most people are plotters and schemers, looking to do good or bad, though we always seem to focus on the bad. It wouldn’t;t be much of a story if everyone wanted to do good, would it?

So we have an example, the Gunpowder Plot, you know back in the dark ages someone wanted to blow up the houses of parliament in London.

It wouldn’t be a plot without the plotter, Sir Guy Fawkes. A plotter. A schemer. The person who got the gunpowder convinced a few conspirators and nearly got away with it.

Stories often lurch from one thing to the next as the people involved make decisions and take actions rightly or wrongly that lead to an inevitable conclusion.

That inevitable conclusion may not necessarily be the original inevitable conclusion you considered in the master plan, but having an eventuality in mind can give you a basis to reverse plot the actions needed to get there.

And like in real life when you plan for an outcome, sometimes it doesn’t quite go to plan.

I know quite a few of my stories have rather interesting endings, but that’s simply because characters, like real people, sometimes have a mind of their own, and another plot in mind. How can they, if they are just characters in your imagination?

I’ll let you think about that, and we’ll revisit it later on.

Day 69

People are plotters

…

The plot line for any story is about the actions of people and the consequences of their actions.

Let’s face it, people, well most people are plotters and schemers, looking to do good or bad, though we always seem to focus on the bad. It wouldn’t;t be much of a story if everyone wanted to do good, would it?

So we have an example, the Gunpowder Plot, you know back in the dark ages someone wanted to blow up the houses of parliament in London.

It wouldn’t be a plot without the plotter, Sir Guy Fawkes. A plotter. A schemer. The person who got the gunpowder convinced a few conspirators and nearly got away with it.

Stories often lurch from one thing to the next as the people involved make decisions and take actions rightly or wrongly that lead to an inevitable conclusion.

That inevitable conclusion may not necessarily be the original inevitable conclusion you considered in the master plan, but having an eventuality in mind can give you a basis to reverse plot the actions needed to get there.

And like in real life when you plan for an outcome, sometimes it doesn’t quite go to plan.

I know quite a few of my stories have rather interesting endings, but that’s simply because characters, like real people, sometimes have a mind of their own, and another plot in mind. How can they, if they are just characters in your imagination?

I’ll let you think about that, and we’ll revisit it later on.

Days 67 and 68

Writing exercise – instead of using yourself as the protagonist, be someone else…

…

I think I had reached the point where I had so fully immersed myself in the role that I no longer knew who or what I had been before.

I had said it wouldn’t happen, and they said it would, and as time passed, they could see it, and I could not.

The gig was over.

The message came over the phone in their cryptic code, devised so that if anyone else saw it, it would look just like the title of a book, which it was.

“Where Eagles Dare”.

I had dared to fly higher than the mythical Icarus, but they said it was too close to the sun.

They were right.

Ballinger, the boss, was seated opposite me, gun in lap, giving me his most menacing look. He didn’t have to try too hard, the result of many beatings when he was a boy had given his face the look of a world-weary boxer who had to retire early.

Ever since I first met him, he had always been a man of short patience.

“I really am disappointed, Spence. Really disappointed.”

He glanced sideways at one of his henchmen, an equally scary gorilla called Lefty. He had another name but I couldn’t pronounce it. Neither could anyone else.

Lefty said, as was expected of him, “Really disappointed.”

I was not sure if it was to emphasise Ballinger’s disappointment, or that he could parrot words on command like a dutiful henchman.

I would ask why, but I knew. There had been a ten-minute diatribe about how another of his henchmen, Wally, had discovered I was an undercover cop. He didn’t say how he came upon this interesting discovery.

“I was disappointed you didn’t promote me a month back, but I didn’t tie you up and express disappointment.”

Lefty slapped me so hard it knocked me sideways to the floor.

It hurt.

“Don’t be insolent to the boss,” Lefty said.

Another sideways glance from Ballinger at Lefty, and he picked me back up.

After shaking my head, I said, “You’re wrong by the way. Do I look smart enough to be an undercover cop?”

“There aren’t any smart cops, Spence, so you fit the bill perfectly. What did you hope to gain?”

“Let’s cut the charade. How the hell could anybody ever assume I’m anything but just another dumb schmuck on your payroll? Seriously? A cop? I’ve seen what cops make and couldn’t survive on a cop’s salary. It’s why there are corrupt cops. You know that as well as I do, you’ve got about half a dozen on the payroll.”

“How do you know that?”

“You don’t exactly make it a secret. I’m sure their bosses know who they’re consorting with. Besides, when I got dragged into the station after Wally botched the simple job you gave him, and the cops were called, they told me I’d be smart if I walked away. I’m hoping it wasn’t Wally who’s suggesting I’m a cop simply because they hauled me away for questioning.”

His look confirmed what I already knew. Wally was working for the cops, and there were rumours there was an undercover cop in Ballinger’s crew. Wally was spreading the blame to me to cover his backside after he nearly blew his cover. Wally was a rank amateur.

“You need to look closer to home.”

That interview with the police, about a week ago, was the first time I’d been back in over six months, the time it had taken to worm my way into the gang, albeit inside, but outside the part that mattered.

At first, they didn’t know who I was and treated me like a hard case, which was what I was portraying. Then the head of the task force discovered I was in the cells and came to see me. It hadn’t been like anything I’d expected.

He’d completely lost it.

Ballinger by comparison was a nice guy.

I told the head of the task force that keeping up regular contact with him was how they discovered the undercover cop who had preceded me, through a combination of surveillance and crooked cops on the payroll.

I said I wouldn’t get caught and yet here I was.

There was a commotion outside, a woman loudly arguing with someone outside the door, and then a loud crashing sound.

Tina.

Ballinger’s daughter; very loud, very brassy, very spoilt.

She came into the room and stopped a short distance from her father.

“What are you doing?”

“Dealing with Spence. He’s an undercover cop.”

She looked at me, then her father, and then she laughed so hard she nearly fell over. “Spence a cop? Are you serious or have you completely lost your mind?”

Lefty said, “Wally reckons he is.”

“Wall is dumb as dog shit, Lefty. He bungled the job so simply he’s the one you should shoot. Spence got caught up in his mess.”

Ballinger looked at her, then Lefty, then me.

“Where’s Wally?”

“You’re asking me where your henchmen are? He’s probably down the copshop spilling his guts and asking for witness protection. You’re doing just what he wants, wasting your time on the wrong people while he gets away.”

Ballinger glared at Lefty. “Cut Spence free, then find Wally and kill him. Now.”

To the rest of the men in the room, “Don’t come back till Wally’s dead.” He looked at Tina. “Yiu coming?”

“A word with Spence then I’m right behind you.”

We both watched him and the men leave. I flexed my arms and legs to get the circulation flowing, then stood, slightly unsteadily.

“Thanks.”

She shrugged. “It’s either you or Wally, or the both of you. i like you Spence so it better not be you. OK.”

“I’m too stupid to be playing both sides of the fence, Tina.”

She looked at me with a bemused expression. “One thing you ain’t, Spence, and that’s stupid. I don’t miss much Spence so don’t let me down.”

I shrugged. “Count on it.”

…

©  Charles Heath  2025

Days 67 and 68

Writing exercise – instead of using yourself as the protagonist, be someone else…

…

I think I had reached the point where I had so fully immersed myself in the role that I no longer knew who or what I had been before.

I had said it wouldn’t happen, and they said it would, and as time passed, they could see it, and I could not.

The gig was over.

The message came over the phone in their cryptic code, devised so that if anyone else saw it, it would look just like the title of a book, which it was.

“Where Eagles Dare”.

I had dared to fly higher than the mythical Icarus, but they said it was too close to the sun.

They were right.

Ballinger, the boss, was seated opposite me, gun in lap, giving me his most menacing look. He didn’t have to try too hard, the result of many beatings when he was a boy had given his face the look of a world-weary boxer who had to retire early.

Ever since I first met him, he had always been a man of short patience.

“I really am disappointed, Spence. Really disappointed.”

He glanced sideways at one of his henchmen, an equally scary gorilla called Lefty. He had another name but I couldn’t pronounce it. Neither could anyone else.

Lefty said, as was expected of him, “Really disappointed.”

I was not sure if it was to emphasise Ballinger’s disappointment, or that he could parrot words on command like a dutiful henchman.

I would ask why, but I knew. There had been a ten-minute diatribe about how another of his henchmen, Wally, had discovered I was an undercover cop. He didn’t say how he came upon this interesting discovery.

“I was disappointed you didn’t promote me a month back, but I didn’t tie you up and express disappointment.”

Lefty slapped me so hard it knocked me sideways to the floor.

It hurt.

“Don’t be insolent to the boss,” Lefty said.

Another sideways glance from Ballinger at Lefty, and he picked me back up.

After shaking my head, I said, “You’re wrong by the way. Do I look smart enough to be an undercover cop?”

“There aren’t any smart cops, Spence, so you fit the bill perfectly. What did you hope to gain?”

“Let’s cut the charade. How the hell could anybody ever assume I’m anything but just another dumb schmuck on your payroll? Seriously? A cop? I’ve seen what cops make and couldn’t survive on a cop’s salary. It’s why there are corrupt cops. You know that as well as I do, you’ve got about half a dozen on the payroll.”

“How do you know that?”

“You don’t exactly make it a secret. I’m sure their bosses know who they’re consorting with. Besides, when I got dragged into the station after Wally botched the simple job you gave him, and the cops were called, they told me I’d be smart if I walked away. I’m hoping it wasn’t Wally who’s suggesting I’m a cop simply because they hauled me away for questioning.”

His look confirmed what I already knew. Wally was working for the cops, and there were rumours there was an undercover cop in Ballinger’s crew. Wally was spreading the blame to me to cover his backside after he nearly blew his cover. Wally was a rank amateur.

“You need to look closer to home.”

That interview with the police, about a week ago, was the first time I’d been back in over six months, the time it had taken to worm my way into the gang, albeit inside, but outside the part that mattered.

At first, they didn’t know who I was and treated me like a hard case, which was what I was portraying. Then the head of the task force discovered I was in the cells and came to see me. It hadn’t been like anything I’d expected.

He’d completely lost it.

Ballinger by comparison was a nice guy.

I told the head of the task force that keeping up regular contact with him was how they discovered the undercover cop who had preceded me, through a combination of surveillance and crooked cops on the payroll.

I said I wouldn’t get caught and yet here I was.

There was a commotion outside, a woman loudly arguing with someone outside the door, and then a loud crashing sound.

Tina.

Ballinger’s daughter; very loud, very brassy, very spoilt.

She came into the room and stopped a short distance from her father.

“What are you doing?”

“Dealing with Spence. He’s an undercover cop.”

She looked at me, then her father, and then she laughed so hard she nearly fell over. “Spence a cop? Are you serious or have you completely lost your mind?”

Lefty said, “Wally reckons he is.”

“Wall is dumb as dog shit, Lefty. He bungled the job so simply he’s the one you should shoot. Spence got caught up in his mess.”

Ballinger looked at her, then Lefty, then me.

“Where’s Wally?”

“You’re asking me where your henchmen are? He’s probably down the copshop spilling his guts and asking for witness protection. You’re doing just what he wants, wasting your time on the wrong people while he gets away.”

Ballinger glared at Lefty. “Cut Spence free, then find Wally and kill him. Now.”

To the rest of the men in the room, “Don’t come back till Wally’s dead.” He looked at Tina. “Yiu coming?”

“A word with Spence then I’m right behind you.”

We both watched him and the men leave. I flexed my arms and legs to get the circulation flowing, then stood, slightly unsteadily.

“Thanks.”

She shrugged. “It’s either you or Wally, or the both of you. i like you Spence so it better not be you. OK.”

“I’m too stupid to be playing both sides of the fence, Tina.”

She looked at me with a bemused expression. “One thing you ain’t, Spence, and that’s stupid. I don’t miss much Spence so don’t let me down.”

I shrugged. “Count on it.”

…

©  Charles Heath  2025

Back to my book again

….

What we need at the beginning is some light among all of the dark.  Being in a country whose human rights record is not exemplary and being a foreign journalist who they might consider biased coming from other countries who pretend they don’t have a problem, and trying not to write about it, provides enough of a contrast when our protagonist runs into what we might call a ray of sunshine.

Of course, being single-minded on the job, and not in the business of coming across sassy women, when he does, not necessarily by accident, it proves a little relief. 

He does not believe in coincidence.

Then there’s the catacombs.  Yes, this city has a vast network of underground caves and tunnels that ruin from the middle of the city to the shoreline, and much is made of the tourist aspects of the old smuggler trade, most in people a long time ago, and the fact the port was once a home to many lesser-known pirates.

Just to add a little colour to the location, and another distraction for our protagonist.

Time to add another layer to the story and introduce a new character.

Our protagonist is used to working alone, especially after the last time when his partner was killed in what was a botched mission. 

His boss goes looking for the perfect person for the job – in a high-security prison for women.  He figures she will do almost anything to get out, and of course, he’s never wrong.  Yes, we’re going to have one of those bosses.

And this girl, she’s more dangerous than a rattlesnake.

Back to my book again

….

What we need at the beginning is some light among all of the dark.  Being in a country whose human rights record is not exemplary and being a foreign journalist who they might consider biased coming from other countries who pretend they don’t have a problem, and trying not to write about it, provides enough of a contrast when our protagonist runs into what we might call a ray of sunshine.

Of course, being single-minded on the job, and not in the business of coming across sassy women, when he does, not necessarily by accident, it proves a little relief. 

He does not believe in coincidence.

Then there’s the catacombs.  Yes, this city has a vast network of underground caves and tunnels that ruin from the middle of the city to the shoreline, and much is made of the tourist aspects of the old smuggler trade, most in people a long time ago, and the fact the port was once a home to many lesser-known pirates.

Just to add a little colour to the location, and another distraction for our protagonist.

Time to add another layer to the story and introduce a new character.

Our protagonist is used to working alone, especially after the last time when his partner was killed in what was a botched mission. 

His boss goes looking for the perfect person for the job – in a high-security prison for women.  He figures she will do almost anything to get out, and of course, he’s never wrong.  Yes, we’re going to have one of those bosses.

And this girl, she’s more dangerous than a rattlesnake.

Day 66

Brevity, without losing meaning or context

…

We’re back to our old friend, writing concisely, and making the point in as few words as possible. Most of Alistair MacLean’s earlier books were just that, an economy of words that were a joy to read.

And, believe me, I have aspired to be like him, and most of the time failed.

Writing in such a way takes practice, but who has the time to practise when all you want to do is get words on paper?

But there is more than one way to set a scene or describe a person, for instance,

It was a dark and stormy night

It assumes that we all know what a dark and story night is, but then there’s that problem that everyone has their own definition of what a dark and stormy night is to them. And, of course, we have to refrain from using idioms and allegories.

So…

Fred woke to the sound of rain pattering on the lush foilage outside his window. He had left it slightly ajar to get the last whisps of the late evening breeze, and the cooling air when the storm finally arrived. A flask of lightning lit the room for a brief moment, enough time to see the curtains push back before a long rumble of thunder filled the air. Darkness returned, the sound of the rain soothing, Fred closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

While it may be a bit wordy, it paints a picture in our minds, more so if we have had the experience, and can leave us wondering if something good or something awful is about to happen.

The last word: don’t sacrifice words for the sake of sacrificing words.