Tag: suspense

Mistaken Identity – The Editor’s Draft – Day 9

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a second draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

Today Jack is about to become as confused as he ever will be. Well, maybe not as ever, but it’s the start of a time when he will not know what is happening.

Firstly, there’s Maryanne. Whilst the full extent of the enigma she will be for nearly three-quarters of the book, may need a little adjustment when it comes to the first edit, I know something about her now, and those characteristics will gradually be dropped in front of the reader.

Some will say, after this chapter, that she is in trouble. Jack has known that from the start, but that assessment really comes from a distinct lack of understanding of women in general. Yes, he had had girlfriends, but not like Maryanne.

And, before you asked, yes, she is, in part, modelled on a woman I once knew, and she was nothing like any other woman I had known. She was genuinely a beautiful soul, and very much misunderstood.

Jack is fortunate in that he is hesitant to take that last step, though I suspect he might want to, but there are reasons for holding back.

These will be more apparent in the next chapter … I hope.

It’s written in my head, and I’m tempted to stay up and write it, but it’s late, and life other than being a writer will impinge on my time tomorrow.

Today’s effort amounts to 2,018 words, for a total, so far, of 22,612.

More tomorrow.

“Trouble in Store” – Short stories my way: Actions have consequences

It’s time for the policewoman to arrive.

There is such a thing as pure dumb luck.

If she did not walk through the door when she did then Jack would have walked away.

From the policewoman’s perspective:

 

She crossed the street from the corner instead of remaining on the same side of the street as she did every other night.  When she reached the other sidewalk, she was about 20 yards from the nearest window of the store.

As she crossed, she got a better view of the three people in the store and noticed the woman, or girl, was acting oddly as if she had something in her hand, and, from time to time looked down beside her.

A yard or two from the window she stopped, took a deep breath, and then moved slowly, getting a better view of the scene with each step.

Then she saw the gun in the girl’s hand, and the two men, the shopkeeper and a customer facing her, hands up.

It was a convenience store robbery in progress.

She reached for her radio, but it wasn’t there.  She was off duty.  Instead, she withdrew, and called the station on her mobile phone, and reported the robbery.  The officer at the end of the phone said a car would be there in five minutes.

In five minutes there could be dead bodies.

She had to do something, and reached into her bag and pulled out a gun.  Not her service weapon, but one she carried in case of personal danger.

 

Guns are dangerous weapons in the hands of professional and amateur alike.  You would expect a professional who has trained to use a gun to not have a problem but consider what might happen in exceptional circumstances.

People freeze under pressure.  Alternately, some shoot first and ask questions later.

We have an edgy and frightened girl with a loaded gun, one bullet or thirteen in a magazine, it doesn’t matter.  It only takes one bullet to kill someone.

Then there’s the trigger pressure, light or heavy, the recoil after the shot and whether it causes the bullet to go into or above the intended target, especially if the person has never used a gun.

The policewoman, with training, will need two hands to take the shot, but in getting into the shop she will need one to open the door, and then be briefly distracted before using that hand to steady the other.

It will take a lifetime, even if it is only a few seconds.

Actions have consequences:

 

The policewoman crouched below the window shelf line so the girl wouldn’t see her, and made it to the door before straightening.  She was in dark clothes so the chances were the girl would not see her against the dark street backdrop.

Her hand was on the door handle about to push it inwards when she could feel in being yanked hard from the other side, and the momentum and surprise of it caused her to lose balance and crash into the man who was trying to get out.

What the hell…

A second or two later both were on the floor in a tangled mess, her gun hand caught underneath her, and a glance in the direction of the girl with the gun told her the situation had gone from bad to worse.

The girl had swung the gun around and aimed it at her and squeezed the trigger twice.

The two bangs in the small room were almost deafening and definitely disorientating.

Behind her, the glass door disintegrated when the bullet hit it.

Neither she nor the man beside her had been hit.

Yet.

She felt a kick in the back and the tickling of glass then broke free as the man she’d run into rolled out of the way.

Quickly on her feet, she saw the girl had gone, and wasted precious seconds getting up off the floor, then out the door to find she had disappeared.

She could hear a siren in the distance.  They’d find her.

 

If the policewoman had not picked that precise moment to enter the shop, maybe the man would have got away.

Maybe.

If he’d been aware of the fact he was allowed to leave.

He was lucky not to be shot.

Yet there were two shots, and we know at least one of them broke the door’s glass panel.

 

Next – the epilog

© Charles Heath 2016-2020

Mistaken Identity – The Editor’s Draft – Day 8

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a second draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

The story proceeds. That underlying suspicion of Maryanne’s motives rears its head again, but for different reasons.

Of course, Jack, the main character has a name, if not a little trite but it suits him, has always been suspicious because he’s not the type to be approached by beautiful women, and yet, so far has managed to allay those fears but is the perfect companion.

But, what’s a self-confessed gate crasher got up her sleeve.

Out of the hospital and on their road trip, they’re heading for an island and a hotel that overlooks the Mediterranean, which might be synonymous with the perfect location for romance.

But all of that is shattered when he sees her with another man, at the rear of the ferry, and the animation in her manner tells him the man is not just someone who ran into her.

Jack knows who it is, and what he does, so that makes the meeting even more mysterious.

And perhaps dangerous.

Yes, we are exploring the theme of ‘everyone has secrets’.

Today’s effort amounts to 2,444 words, for a total, so far, of 20,594.

More tomorrow.

‘What Sets Us Apart’ – A beta readers view

There’s something to be said for a story that starts like a James Bond movie, throwing you straight in the deep end, a perfect way of getting to know the main character, David, or is that Alistair?

A retired spy, well not so much a spy as a retired errand boy, David’s rather wry description of his talents, and a woman that most men would give their left arm for, not exactly the ideal couple, but there is a spark in a meeting that may or may not have been a set up.

But as the story progressed, the question I kept asking myself was why he’d bother.

And, page after unrelenting page, you find out.

Susan is exactly the sort of woman the pique his interest. Then, inexplicably, she disappears. That might have been the end to it, but Prendergast, that shadowy enigma, David’s ex boss who loves playing games with real people, gives him an ultimatum, find her or come back to work.

Nothing like an offer that’s a double edged sword!

A dragon for a mother, a sister he didn’t know about, Susan’s BFF who is not what she seems or a friend indeed, and Susan’s father who, up till David meets her, couldn’t be less interested, his nemesis proves to be the impossible dream, and he’s always just that one step behind.

When the rollercoaster finally came to a halt, and I could start breathing again, it was an ending that was completely unexpected.

I’ve been told there’s a sequel in the works.

Bring it on!

…

The book can be purchased here: http://amzn.to/2Eryfth

…

Mistaken Identity – The Editor’s Draft – Day 7

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a second draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

What’s the best way to recover from being shot by the police? Go on an all-expenses paid holiday.

Within reason, of course.

Of course, he was on holiday, not quite all expenses paid, but for the duration of the conference. Getting shot and having a prolonged stay in hospital put paid to that, but there is an upside.

The police, in exchange for silence and an indemnity, are happy to send our intrepid conference goer on a tour of Italy. There are benefits on either side, the police don’t get a lawsuit, and he gets to spend a few days touring.

Of course, Maryanne decided to tag along. She had been filling in for him at the conference, unbeknownst to him, and lined up a couple of free venues. In exchange for favourable reviews.

But what is the real reason Maryanne is along for the ride, or she might put it, ‘carry the bags’?

That saying ‘if it’s too good to be true, it probably is’ sticks in the back of his mind, but he doesn’t discourage her from coming with him.

Is he lucky, or is he cursed?

Today’s effort amounts to 3,123 words, for a total, so far, of 18,150.

More tomorrow.

Mistaken Identity – The Editor’s Draft – Day 6

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a second draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

It’s around about now, coming to the end of the first week when we should be settling into the edit.

For the pantsers, the ideas run really well, and then the magnitude of the job kicks in, and the words dry up, and that terrible piece of paper staring at you, begging to be written on, becomes a nemesis. When editing, evidence of that shines through, because the continuity may suffer, and the writing might be disjointed. So far, it is not so evident.

But…

I’ve learned over the years that writing a 50,000-word novel needs a degree of planning, and once the day’s allocation has been written, get some ideas down for the next, or for the next few.

Any ideas, whether they fit or not, that flesh out the story in outline form. I do this at the end of the writing session most times, but, sometimes when I’m in the middle of a piece, an idea will pop into my head.

It’s a good distraction.

Unless, like me, you suddenly find yourself writing that piece because the story is pouring out like water from a tap.

Today is another good day, and I’m lost in the relationship between two of our characters, and they are sparring. He suspects she is not what she seems, and she is trying to allay his fears, each trying not to be too conspicuous about it.

I’m also getting to travel myself, even if it is in an armchair, and it’s great that I can go almost anywhere in the world, but I’m settling for some islands off Italy. One day I might actually be able to visit them in person.

Today’s effort amounts to 1,411 words, for a total, so far, of 15,027.

More tomorrow.

Mistaken Identity – The Editor’s Draft – Day 6

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a second draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

It’s around about now, coming to the end of the first week when we should be settling into the edit.

For the pantsers, the ideas run really well, and then the magnitude of the job kicks in, and the words dry up, and that terrible piece of paper staring at you, begging to be written on, becomes a nemesis. When editing, evidence of that shines through, because the continuity may suffer, and the writing might be disjointed. So far, it is not so evident.

But…

I’ve learned over the years that writing a 50,000-word novel needs a degree of planning, and once the day’s allocation has been written, get some ideas down for the next, or for the next few.

Any ideas, whether they fit or not, that flesh out the story in outline form. I do this at the end of the writing session most times, but, sometimes when I’m in the middle of a piece, an idea will pop into my head.

It’s a good distraction.

Unless, like me, you suddenly find yourself writing that piece because the story is pouring out like water from a tap.

Today is another good day, and I’m lost in the relationship between two of our characters, and they are sparring. He suspects she is not what she seems, and she is trying to allay his fears, each trying not to be too conspicuous about it.

I’m also getting to travel myself, even if it is in an armchair, and it’s great that I can go almost anywhere in the world, but I’m settling for some islands off Italy. One day I might actually be able to visit them in person.

Today’s effort amounts to 1,411 words, for a total, so far, of 15,027.

More tomorrow.

A score to settle – The Editor’s draft – Day 31

I have the story, the editor is asking for it, and I’m putting the final touches to it

…

Now the pressure to write each day is over, I can take my time over the last chapters of the story.

I took the day off yesterday and spent a little time staring at the ceiling. Well, that’s my euphemism for mentally going over the story so far in my head.

I know I’m guilty of writing chapters instead of pages, and pages instead of paragraphs, so already I can see some parts of the story could do with a bit of editing, but that’s not my focus yet.

For the last few days I’ve had big band music running around in my head, and it came to me that the ball preceding the conference should have a big band playing all of those songs from the 1940s, and, in particular, Sing, Sing, Sing by Benny Goodman, In the Mood by Glenn Miller, and a few others.

Listening to it has been inspirational.

The ending has changed, and now it focuses on the two main characters. I’ve given up the notion of exacting revenge, and gone for a more happier ending if that is possible after a rebel revolt. We’ll all have to wait and see if it succeeds, who comes out on top, and whether there are any casualties.

Certainly, there will be one person who will reappear like a messiah, a man thought to be dead at the hands of the military. More than one person has said they should have killed him rather than keep him prisoner, and a few more glad that they didn’t kill him.

And like all good authors, I’m trying to write an ending that leads into a sequel, though how I can top a revolution might be just a little difficult.

And although the word count is low for two days of work, a lot of other work has gone into changing the plan, and the ending, as well as a host of notes for changes in the middle, to accommodate the ending. I might just get around to writing a white paper on ‘how to capture airports and media stations for the purpose of taking over a country’ by the end of this project.

…

Today’s word count: 2,724 words, for a running total of 87,901.

A score to settle – The Editor’s draft – Day 31

I have the story, the editor is asking for it, and I’m putting the final touches to it

…

Now the pressure to write each day is over, I can take my time over the last chapters of the story.

I took the day off yesterday and spent a little time staring at the ceiling. Well, that’s my euphemism for mentally going over the story so far in my head.

I know I’m guilty of writing chapters instead of pages, and pages instead of paragraphs, so already I can see some parts of the story could do with a bit of editing, but that’s not my focus yet.

For the last few days I’ve had big band music running around in my head, and it came to me that the ball preceding the conference should have a big band playing all of those songs from the 1940s, and, in particular, Sing, Sing, Sing by Benny Goodman, In the Mood by Glenn Miller, and a few others.

Listening to it has been inspirational.

The ending has changed, and now it focuses on the two main characters. I’ve given up the notion of exacting revenge, and gone for a more happier ending if that is possible after a rebel revolt. We’ll all have to wait and see if it succeeds, who comes out on top, and whether there are any casualties.

Certainly, there will be one person who will reappear like a messiah, a man thought to be dead at the hands of the military. More than one person has said they should have killed him rather than keep him prisoner, and a few more glad that they didn’t kill him.

And like all good authors, I’m trying to write an ending that leads into a sequel, though how I can top a revolution might be just a little difficult.

And although the word count is low for two days of work, a lot of other work has gone into changing the plan, and the ending, as well as a host of notes for changes in the middle, to accommodate the ending. I might just get around to writing a white paper on ‘how to capture airports and media stations for the purpose of taking over a country’ by the end of this project.

…

Today’s word count: 2,724 words, for a running total of 87,901.

A score to settle – The Editor’s draft – Day 30

I have the story, the editor is asking for it, and I’m putting the final touches to it

…

Tis the last day, but not the last day, if that makes sense.

I did not get the story done in the 30 days, but I did knock a big hole in it. All 85,177 words of it.

I did not anticipate the story would go that long, or consider that it might even be longer, say, around 100,000 words.

But, this is what happens when the story tells itself, going down narrow alleys and ending up in dark corners you never anticipated at the start.

That and the fact the characters evolve, and some even begin to start stealing the show and have to be reigned in.

It’s been an enjoyable journey though, and fun to write, but after I’ve got the first draft done, there is going to be a 6-month hiatus because so many other projects got put on hold so I could get this done.

And fortunately, at this time, we have the perfect weather for writing, continuous rain, so it makes it easy not to regret not going out.

There will be further updates through December, until the book is done.

But, for now, it is done!

…

Today’s word count: 3,784 words, for the running total of 85,177.