Tag: NaNoWriMo

Mistaken Identity – The Editor’s Third Draft – Day 19

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a third draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

Jack finally gets to spend those moments with Rosalie that were so tantalisingly close before he left.

The question is, would he dared to do so if it had not been for the events that had just occurred. There always seems to be an element of danger that spurs people on to do things they might not necessarily do if life had not taken a particular turn.

But, it was everything he expected, and more.

Of course, as advised yesterday, there are problems, not of their making but of the intrepid Maryanne, who reveals herself now as an agent working for an organisation that is equally after the package that Jack’s mother had left in Rosalie’s safekeeping.

And ironically it is Rosalie who captures Maryanne in the act of trying to steal it.

So, if an effort to keep it from everyone Rosalie agrees to leave with the package and tell no one where she is. Not until Jack decided what he was going to do with it. One possibility is to use it to get his mother back, but like all ransom exchanges, it never turns out the way it’s supposed to.

So, Maryanne is going to have to come up with a convincing plan to get Jack onside, but the lies and deception are not a very good start in forming trust.

It’s an interesting premise, and beyond the raw writing, I fear it will need some more work to get it where I want it to be.

More tomorrow.

Mistaken Identity – The Editor’s Third Draft – Day 18

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a third draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

I have been writing away from home. We promised to take our granddaughters away for a few days during the school holidays, and so I’ve had to rough it, writing at the kitchen table with the sounds of a Nintendo Switch going off in my ears, when we’re not out trying new food and swimming, or playing mini gold.

It’s a bit hard to get in the mood.

But, our main character, Jack, is back home, having got away from Maryanne, and knowing he has a package to get from Rosalie, he invites her out to dinner.

Dinner is pleasant, and a rapport develops into something else when he invites her back to his place.

And, of course, it’s probably too much to expect the romance will go as smooth as it should, and something will come along to liven it up.

And at some point, we will discover another of Rosalie’s hidden talents acquired from an undisclosed past life, not related to the romance aspect. If that sounds a little strange it probably is but I don’t want to give away the plot just yet.

More tomorrow.

The Things We Do For Love — The final editor’s draft – Day 22

…

After a solid few hours of sleuthing and getting an up close and almost intimate look at the lives of people Henry would never have got to meet in his lifetime, he came away disillusioned and disappointed that they were no further advanced in the quest.

Time out, and a drive to the beach to take in some cooler surroundings and shut away all they’d seen and heard.

Even Radly had to admit he had never scratched the surface, only visiting and thinking nothing of those working there nor of their plight, if it indeed was to be seen that way, or motivation.

There they get a solid break.

Henry sees Michelle with a friend, in a car, purely by accident.  They had exchanged words with a group of boys.

From there it was surveillance and an amateurish attempt at following them in the hope it would leave back to where she lived.

Of course, they’re not up to the task and almost lose her several times, and after she drops off the other girl, they do lose her.

That means going back to the girl she dropped off and asking some pertinent questions.  The trouble is, by the time Henry gets to her, she is almost lost to drugs, but gets an address.

The rescue attempt is afoot – the next night.

…

The Things We Do For Love — The final editor’s draft – Day 22

…

After a solid few hours of sleuthing and getting an up close and almost intimate look at the lives of people Henry would never have got to meet in his lifetime, he came away disillusioned and disappointed that they were no further advanced in the quest.

Time out, and a drive to the beach to take in some cooler surroundings and shut away all they’d seen and heard.

Even Radly had to admit he had never scratched the surface, only visiting and thinking nothing of those working there nor of their plight, if it indeed was to be seen that way, or motivation.

There they get a solid break.

Henry sees Michelle with a friend, in a car, purely by accident.  They had exchanged words with a group of boys.

From there it was surveillance and an amateurish attempt at following them in the hope it would leave back to where she lived.

Of course, they’re not up to the task and almost lose her several times, and after she drops off the other girl, they do lose her.

That means going back to the girl she dropped off and asking some pertinent questions.  The trouble is, by the time Henry gets to her, she is almost lost to drugs, but gets an address.

The rescue attempt is afoot – the next night.

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 21

…

The search goes on.  The names are more exotic, the décor sometimes outrageous, and the girls from interesting to not so interesting.

It certainly isn’t cheap, but Radly said it wouldn’t be.

All of the women in charge either knew Radly, or the Turk, some with displeasure, others, well maybe it was all displeasure.  They were forcibly taken over, and it would make a good subplot to have them all simmering over the take-back plan.

Perhaps that could be part of the end.  It just means that Michelle has to take care of him, and by now I’ve decided that she will be if she can get the help and the means.

Originally, I considered a simple solution, Henry comes along, finds her, and they escape after rescuing two of her friends, and helping bring about the Turk’s downfall.

It just occurred to me that there should be a subplot involving police detectives, coming at the problem from a different aspect, and the two should meet.

Oops, that means a bit of backtracking and a small rewrite.

Now, she’s going to take the Turk and Felix down. 

It might also mean I have to go back to the start, and flesh out a little more of Micelle’s background, leading up to, and why she ended up in Morganville.

Ugh!

Oh, and handing out a photo of her might just raise a little unwanted attention.  We shall see…

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 21

…

The search goes on.  The names are more exotic, the décor sometimes outrageous, and the girls from interesting to not so interesting.

It certainly isn’t cheap, but Radly said it wouldn’t be.

All of the women in charge either knew Radly, or the Turk, some with displeasure, others, well maybe it was all displeasure.  They were forcibly taken over, and it would make a good subplot to have them all simmering over the take-back plan.

Perhaps that could be part of the end.  It just means that Michelle has to take care of him, and by now I’ve decided that she will be if she can get the help and the means.

Originally, I considered a simple solution, Henry comes along, finds her, and they escape after rescuing two of her friends, and helping bring about the Turk’s downfall.

It just occurred to me that there should be a subplot involving police detectives, coming at the problem from a different aspect, and the two should meet.

Oops, that means a bit of backtracking and a small rewrite.

Now, she’s going to take the Turk and Felix down. 

It might also mean I have to go back to the start, and flesh out a little more of Micelle’s background, leading up to, and why she ended up in Morganville.

Ugh!

Oh, and handing out a photo of her might just raise a little unwanted attention.  We shall see…

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 20

…

For Henry, it’s going to be like walking into the twilight zone.

The odyssey begins at a place called Gringoes, a place both think is the last place a potential customer would want to be seen, but that is judging a book by its cover.

Both are going to soon discover there’s a lot more going on than what the eye can see.

This search starts out without a clear plan, and it seems that going in and directly asking for Michelle, which may or may not be her work name or any name for that matter, is going to raise a flag, and may have consequences.

And, Henry, having never been to such places, and despite everything he had read about them, and in that initial foray earlier, is no wiser on how to behave or how to approach the problem.

How much would the girls want just to talk?

It soon becomes a case of hot outside, the night is still simmering from the heat of the day, to hot under the collar inside.

Fortunately, Radly is known.

There are bouncers to appease, madams to charm, and girls to ask innocuous questions.

At least the Turk is not there.

Henry encounters a girl named Suzie, and it’s time for the first dance…

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 20

…

For Henry, it’s going to be like walking into the twilight zone.

The odyssey beings at a place called Gringoes. , a place both think is the last place a potential customer would want to be seen, but, that is judging a book by its cover.

Both are going to soon discover there’s a lot more going on than what the eye can see.

This search starts out without a clear plan, and it seems that going in and directly asking for Michelle, which may or may not be her work name or any name for that matter, is going to raise a flag, and may have consequences.

And, Henry, having never been to such places, and despite everything he had read about them, and in that initial foray earlier, is no wiser on how to behave or how to approach the problem.

How much would the girls want just to talk?

It soon becomes a case of hot outside, the night is still simmering from the heat of the day, to hot under the collar inside.

Fortunately, Radly is known.

There are bouncers to appease, madams to charm, and girls to ask innocuous questions.

At least the Turk is not there.

Henry encounters a girl named Suzie, and it’s time for the first dance…

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 18

…

The old sparring partners keep their distance.

Henry because he doesn’t believe Harry has changed, Harry because he knows if the old rivalry restarts, Henry will leave, and he doesn’t want to be the one to cause it.

It takes a week to break the ice, and, finally, the two can talk.  Harry knows Henry is pining over a girl, so he asks the question.

For Henry, as far as he’s concerned, that ship has sailed. 

But Harry has a piece of advice for his brother, don’t let Michelle be the one that got away.

So begins the Odyssey.

It starts with reading up on the circumstances and reasons for the existence of such places where Michelle works, and why women finish up there.  It branches into drug addiction, of course from a medical view, with his father having an excellent library of books on the subject.

He then does a tour of what is broadly called the red light district, during the day, where it seems hidden away.  Then he branches into the newspaper archives and gets a different perspective.  Research can only do so much.

After getting a call from Villiers, a relative of Michelle’s she had once mentioned to him, he goes to see him, and they talk.  Villiers says she has contacted him and asked him to pass on a message that she will contact him when she needs his help, and it is the first indication she had not given up on them.  Villiers gives him another perspective on her.

It also means that the notion he goes looking for her, to see her, or rescue her, he wasn’t quite sure, was the right one.  Villiers wants him to go and rescue her.  The question is, is she worth rescuing?

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 18

…

The old sparring partners keep their distance.

Henry because he doesn’t believe Harry has changed, Harry because he knows if the old rivalry restarts, Henry will leave, and he doesn’t want to be the one to cause it.

It takes a week to break the ice, and, finally, the two can talk.  Harry knows Henry is pining over a girl, so he asks the question.

For Henry, as far as he’s concerned, that ship has sailed. 

But Harry has a piece of advice for his brother, don’t let Michelle be the one that got away.

So begins the Odyssey.

It starts with reading up on the circumstances and reasons for the existence of such places where Michelle works, and why women finish up there.  It branches into drug addiction, of course from a medical view, with his father having an excellent library of books on the subject.

He then does a tour of what is broadly called the red light district, during the day, where it seems hidden away.  Then he branches into the newspaper archives and gets a different perspective.  Research can only do so much.

After getting a call from Villiers, a relative of Michelle’s she had once mentioned to him, he goes to see him, and they talk.  Villiers says she has contacted him and asked him to pass on a message that she will contact him when she needs his help, and it is the first indication she had not given up on them.  Villiers gives him another perspective on her.

It also means that the notion he goes looking for her, to see her, or rescue her, he wasn’t quite sure, was the right one.  Villiers wants him to go and rescue her.  The question is, is she worth rescuing?

…