Days 31 and 32 – Writing exercise – Use – “I really wish you would…”
…
There is this thing with mixed messages and intentions: unintentional consequences.
My parents, God rest their souls, brought me up to take everyone at face value. A lot of others thought this was probably the most idiotic advice any parents could give their child, but it had served me well over the years.
People were generally good.
But, as anyone with the benefit of hindsight will tell you, there’s always someone who will let you down,
someone who says one thing and means something else, someone who will take advantage of a situation, and someone who is just not capable of making a commitment.
…
Sarah and I started as interns on the same day, two of twenty, the company’s commitment to taking 10 University graduates each half year.
After each of us went through a three-month probationary period, being introduced to all facets of the five main departments, Engineering, Supply, Accounting, Management and Distribution, we were then appointed to the Department where the Head had put in a request to HR.
We became administrative assistants and started at the bottom of the selected department. I was selected to work in Accounting, Sarah Management.
Management was a first choice, Accounting was a last choice. She was happy, I didn’t care. At the orientation, we were told that after two years you would be free to select a different department, provided there was a role available.
There was also the possibility of going offshore, with the company having offices in the major cities worldwide. Those were jobs that you would be appointed to if the committee considered you suitable. That took time, sometimes up to 10 years, and openings were rare. People literally had to die to create an opening.
Another saying my parents often used was, slow and steady wins the race. Some people, of course, wanted it all – yesterday!
…
It was never a foregone conclusion that Sarah and I would have a relationship; to me, it seemed like it just happened.
One day, we were sitting in the cafeteria, and she was saying her roommate was getting married, and she was on the street. The next day, she was moving in.
To her, it ticked all the boxes, and we were sort of ‘aligned’.
She was a tireless worker and put in the hours and dedication she believed would make her worth being noticed and, therefore, earn a promotion.
I was the ‘work smarter, not harder’ type and spent the time to learn every job within my level, and then understand the mechanics of the department. I had learned that a manager, when one became a manager, was the one who understood everyone’s job, every cog in the wheel, so when I was needed, I could step in.
Most of the people I worked with either struggled with the individual workload or didn’t want extra strings to their bow. Only those with ambition stepped out of their comfort zone. It was an attitude I didn’t get. They were university graduates and meant to be competitive. After all, they had made the effort to get employment with the company?
I knew Sarah was competitive and ruthless in her pursuit of achieving the most. If there were a board that had points on it, she would be at the top.
I admired her work ethic, but over time, not so much the ‘by any means possible’. I thought she was lamenting the lack of co-operation from other junior executives, but gradually realised she was not above using them as steps, or sabotaging them.
Because we were living together, I realised that the others thought I was tarred with the same brush, that notorious thing called guilt by association. And it surprised me, until the day I discovered, quite by accident, that I was also in the firing line.
That was a bad day, and one where I deigned not to go home. Instead, I booked into a posh hotel and decided to stay there for the week.
Something else I learned: a round of promotions was coming up, and one of our group would be considered, unprecedented after just a single year into our apprenticeship.
…
After the first night alone, I was sitting at my desk. I had chosen not to take an office but be out with the rest of the staff, because it was so much easier to gauge the mood of the people you work with, and how things were going.
It was my exercise of a variation of the ‘leaning to be a leader’ book that I was hypothetically writing.
I had come in early.
Sarah must have had a surveillance system in place that warned her when I arrived at my desk.
She could move quickly and quietly like an assassin.
“Where were you last night?”
There was never a good morning, or how did you sleep? It was business or grumpiness. Sarah was not a morning person.
“Slumming it in a bar.” I could have been out with another woman, like Celia from Supply, but I wasn’t.
“I had a bit too much to drink, so I staggered to a hotel.”
“A good one?”
I was used to her interrogation techniques.
“Sleazy. Subconscious I was probably reliving a distant memory. The place felt familiar.”
“You don’t strike me as the type.”
That was an interesting comment coming from her. We’d never been that close to have a deep and meaningful exchange. I shrugged. “We all harbour a few deep dark secrets, Sarah. Have you got any?”
She glared at me because, being a master of her craft, she knew when it was being used back on her.
“You know me.”
She didn’t sit. She prowled, and it could be disconcerting.
“Better that you might think. Are you here for a reason?”
“I come to see how you are. When you didn’t come home…”
“I didn’t think it mattered. It’s not as if we were dating.”
“We live together.”
“Not the same thing.” I tried to keep that small amount of resentment I was harbouring from leaking out. “We had this same conversation two years ago, and things are still the same. If you’re after the promotion, go for it. I’m not interested at this stage.”
She gave me another look, this time wary. Perhaps she decided that I was exercising some subtle plan to get her guard down and usurp the position. I wasn’t going to tell her I told HR to excuse me from it. They were surprised and not surprised.
“Why wouldn’t you want to advance if the company thinks you can do the job?”
“I don’t think I’m ready. One thing I’ve learned in the year here is that you’ll be given the opportunity, but they’ll pile it on. I’m sure you can handle it, you’ve had a few difficult problems dropped in your lap and passed with flying colours. Truth be told, you’re more focused than I am.”
Her expression changed, and she dragged a seat across from the desk next to mine and flopped in it. She was thinking, most likely, about what my game was.
“What are you up to?”
Of course, it was not quite what I expected, but it was a predictable reaction.
“I don’t think like you, Sarah. Not everyone does. It can be good, or it can be viewed in an entirely different way than your expectations. But you must do what you think is necessary for you.”
Perhaps that wasn’t what she wanted to hear.
“What about us?”
“I think you might have heard this before, from far wiser people than me, but it doesn’t matter if you have to sacrifice your hopes and dreams. You’re too young and good at what you do to give up so soon. Relationships can’t survive ambition, especially in a place like this. It’s why I’ve tried to keep several pages back so you have that freedom. If you feel otherwise, then maybe we can talk about it?”
She leapt out of the seat, mind made up. I could tell that whatever it was, I wasn’t in it, and I was fine with that.
She looked at her watch, her go-tov mannerism for escaping without explanation.
“Got to go. Meetings, deadlines.”
Or an appointment with HR. My spy in HR just sent me an email. She would have received the notification on her watch. She had a full range of electronic gadgets.
Me, I was mostly old-fashioned.
…
What surprised me was a call from HR two days later, without getting the usual heads-up from my spy.
In that time I had seen Sarah several times and spoke briefly to her once. I was still at the hotel, and i think after the last conversation, she was avoiding me
I suspect that had something to do with her two-hour meeting with one of the HR managers. She had not seen the department head.
The head of the department was Crafton, a woman who had the nickname Crafty because you could never know what she was thinking. If you were lucky enough to see her.
She was rarely seen, so rare that she was a legend among the staff, some of whom believed she didn’t exist, and just the thought of her being somewhere or everywhere in the building was enough to keep the staff on their toes.
For us newbies, it worked.
I went up to the executive floor, stated my business and then waited in chairs that were far more comfortable than those issued to the staff.
Everything about the executive level was amazing. This was only the second time in a year for me. That for a newbie was unprecedented.
A door opened in front of me, and a young, immaculately dressed lady came out.
“Mr Denver?”
“Yes.” I stood.
“Follow me.”
We went through the door and into a fairy wonderland, or that’s how my imagination painted it. In reality, it was a series of office suites, each with a personal assistant and another, all working so hard, none looked up.
It was as if I didn’t exist. I probably didn’t in their eyes.
Five suites along, we stopped at a door and she knocked. A muffled ‘Come’ filtered through, and she opened the door.
She didn’t follow me in. One Christian ready to be thrown to the lions. The door shut, and my fate was sealed.
Behind a huge mahogany desk was an elderly woman, older than my grandmother and she was about 80. She fitted into the room, very much a part of it. There were painted portraits on the wall, one of her as a teenager, a mother and daughter, and a recent one.
Milestones?
“Please sit, Evan. People standing make me nervous.”
It was not the voice of an elderly woman.
I did as I was told.
“Do you know who I am?”
“She who does not exist?”
I don’t know why I said that, but if she were tossing me back out in the street, I would speak freely. Of course, my tone reflected the degree of awesome, making it very shaky.
“You didn’t call me Crafty.”
“I may be stupid, but I’m not suicidal.”
She smiled. “You’re a strange one, Evan. To tell you the truth, an employee file crosses my desk about once every five years. This year I got two. You, and a pesky creature by the name of Sarah. Tell me about her?”
What was this, a test? It was one of those questions where there was no right answer and only wrong answers. But, on the other hand, not answering meant a fate worse than death.
“She was one of the last group. Hard worker, puts her head down and tail up, gets the job done. Focussed.”
She looked at me, and I could almost see her considering and evaluating my comments. The last told me she didn’t think I was giving her what she asked for.
A smile. That of an assassin?
“If I asked you for your true opinion, would you give it?”
Yep. This woman could see through a yard of solid steel and right into your soul. If I were smart, i would leave now.
“Is it necessary?”
She smiled, one that showed a whole different character. Warm.
“For someone placed in the most underperforming section in the whole company and turning it into the most productive and happy, you seem to have a gift for analysing human beings and figuring out how to get the best out of them. Your opinion will be highly regarded, if it’s the truth.”
“Isn’t that sort of assessment the preview of the senior staff in Human Resources?”
“Three people from HR tried and failed, and they’ve been involved with staff collectively for 60 years. The answer is, this time, no. What you say will never leave this room. But, it’s up to you whether you trust me.”
This woman was scary. But only I felt I could trust her.
“Surely her supervisor…”
A look silenced that line of thought.
I sighed. “She is a good worker. Out of all of our group, she deserves a promotion. The qualifier is that someone needs to impress upon her that the ends do not justify the means, and to respect her fellow workers below her as well as above.”
“You live with her.”
“We share my apartment. We do not share a bed. It is not that sort of relationship.”
“Would you want it to be?”
“Maybe at first. But living together shows little things that come out, sometimes after the wedding, which can be problematic. I don’t think I could handle her ambition because she would choose that over me every time.”
“Now, that wasn’t so hard?”
“It may or may not be true.”
“It is. She was interviewed two days ago and said as much. Her comments about you were freely given, along with half a dozen others she perceived to be rivals. She was not as flattering as you were about her.”
No surprise there then. Getting the promotion by any and all means necessary was her unspoken motto.
“Doesn’t mean she’s not right.” I don’t know why I said that, perhaps thinking I had just sunk to her level.
“You don’t know what she said.”
“I can imagine. We have conversations, and every now and then she’d slip in a, ‘I really wish you would…’ and then tell me what I was doing writing, in her eyes. Perhaps she thought she was helping me be a better candidate.”
“It didn’t matter. Your supervisor said basically the same things, but sometimes people only see what they want to see, or worse, see that you’re a threat to their position. He achieved nothing until you arrived, and then was quick to take credit for the change. He will be leaving at the end of the month. You will be coming up here with my section. If you want to, that is.”
“On this floor?”
“Of course. You’ll have a team, and the mission will be to improve staff morale and productivity. And after that, you might get my job.”
“And Sarah?”
“We’re sending her to London for a year. I believe, like you, she is a good worker and focused, but trampling those under her is not a good trait. Morgan in London will sort that out. If he doesn’t, we will let her go. Now, be off with you. I have to disappear into the walls. Yes, the walls do have ears.”
She smiled at her own joke.
“Keep this to yourself. The board will be ratifying it next week.”
On the other side of the door, where the personal assistant glanced up as i walked past, I realised I didn’t ask what the pay and perks were. Perhaps another time.
…
Sarah and I danced around each other, never quite meeting in the middle, until she called me and asked me to come home.
I could have said no, but I was curious what she would say. I wasn’t going to ask, just let her set the agenda.
I didn’t knock, after all, it was my place, not hers, though at times it felt like it wasn’t. If anything was to be learned from this, it was not to be too acquiescent. Or what I heard someone say, be a pushover.
She was sitting on the kitchen counter, which was an unusual place. Her bags were by the door, packed and ready to go. Travelling light for her, and especially for an extended sojourn on the other side of the Atlantic.
There was a difference in her, the scowl gone and a much lighter demeanour. Almost as if she could finally relax.
“Thank you for coming. I wasn’t sure if you would.”
“Curiosity killed the cat. I still have nine lives.”
“If I had done what I was considering, perhaps you might have spent two.”
Enigmatic and frivolous, a side of her I’d never seen before. Was she capable of being fun-loving?
I changed the subject. “You’re leaving.” It was a statement rather than a question.
“You know I am. London. Probably to spend twelve months in the tower before being beheaded.”
“It’s not all bad. Overseas posting. Only for those who…”
“Are given a choice between being tossed out on their sorry ass, or promising to stop acting like they did at school. I can fool most of the people some of the time and those who matter not at all. I picked you as the one most likely to succeed and attached myself to your wagon. I’m not proud of what I did, but it was all I knew about how to succeed.” She shrugged. “I was wrong, and I apologise.”
“You did what you thought you had to. Right or wrong, it doesn’t matter.”
I was not sure if this was a tongue-in-cheek apology or something else. I knew kids at school who used everyone else to get them through, by any and all means. It took a while to see through her facade.
“Grandma told me you defended me even when you found out what I did. Why?”
Grandma. Don’t tell me she was related to Crafty.
“You’re a good worker, focused, except for the methodology. In companies like this, results matter.”
“If it’s done properly. Grandma does not like what she calls the ‘by any and all means’.”
“Who is this Grandma?”
“Crafty. She never comes into the office, never has anything to do with the staff, except you. She told me that if I were like you, well, you get the drift. She told me from the beginning to work with you. With. I didn’t. She says I’m lucky I’m going to London because anyone else would be fired. She said I was a fool to take advantage of someone who clearly likes you, without knowing who you are.”
“Perhaps not as much as earlier in our apprenticeship. I like you, and got a chance to get to know you…”
“Before you made a mistake?”
“People are who they are. Now that you’ve told me who you are, it all makes sense. Not a mistake, just you would have to change, and I wouldn’t ask you to do that. Relationships that work are where both make compromises to make it work.”
“What if I said I would try?”
“Well, you have a year in London. Penance, or an opportunity. It’s up to you. I might not be worth it. I’m certainly not in your social circle, and certainly from the wrong side of the tracks. What would Grandma think?”
“My ass is still sore from where she kicked me. A year, huh? You will come and see me?”
“We’ll see. You could come and see me.”
“I don’t think so. No allowance, only a salary, and no help finding my way. I have to survive on my own. It’s a bit mean, but I get it. She’s trying to teach me some life lessons.”
She slid off the bench and stood in front of me, then kissed me on the cheek.
“It’s going to be cold and wet in London, isn’t it?”
“You’ll survive. We all do. And yes. I’ll come and see you. Now you have to go.”
I helped her down to street level and into a taxi. No limousine for her. It was the first day of the new and improved Sarah.
Maybe.
…
© Charles Heath 2026
Thrills, Spills, and just a dash of Romance 