Tag: Creative Writing

Mistaken Identity – The Third Editor’s Draft – Day 3

I have been working on the story, the editor has gone through the first draft several times after I made the changes requested, and some new additional writing – and I’m now working on the suggestions

…

My writing effort for the two days, yesterday and today amounted to about 6,000 words, which by any stretch of the imagination is a good two days.

But, here’s the thing. I went over if briefly yesterday, and reworked about 2,000 words, and then today I looked at the rest.

Yesterday was a bad day for continuity, and I found myself beset with innumerable distractions. Being Good Friday probably had a lot to do with it.

Today, there were also distractions, but not as bad, and at least from the outset, I got to read the words from start to end.

And, yes, they needed a little work, and, yes, I realise we should not be editing, but writing.

Sorry, but not sorry. It had to be done, and now I feel better about it.

Today’s effort amounts to 4,454 words, for a total, so far, of 8,368.

More tomorrow.

Mistaken Identity – The Third Editor’s Draft – Day 2

I have been working on the story, the editor has gone through the first draft several times after I made the changes requested, and some new additional writing – and I’m now working on the suggestions

…

Writing proceeds apace and the next chapter seems to have gone on a bit longer than I wanted, but that was because I was having fun. The editor’s suggestions brought a whole new light to the story, with the two main characters being together, not exactly by choice, but as the result of circumstances.

I have also been making notes at the same time, of situations that will arise from their being together, and establishing the reasons behind a lot of what happens later.

I have also re-established the timeline with actions that stretch further into the story and wrote a few little sections at the same time because the story was almost writing itself, and in moments like those, I find it best to get it down on paper, no matter how roughly it turns out.

I am also doing a quick edit of this section of writing because it will be most likely two or three chapters, not just one.

Today’s effort amounts to 2,214 words, for a total, so far, of 3,914.

More tomorrow.

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 5

…

With the improved weather, they settle into a routine, she is getting comfortable with Henry being around, and he is finally getting out of the shipboard routine, and becoming more relaxed, though still wary of making a mistake.

They go for walks along the beach, and gradually, a form of intimacy takes place, holding hands, at first with gloves on.

Then in a totally unscripted moment from out of left field, they kiss. It just happens ‘in the moment’.  He apologises, and she just smiles.

Given what she has escaped from, it is a sublime moment that gives her the opportunity, against all odds, that it was possible, one day, she could be happy.

It leads to another unscripted moment, but this time a kiss with more meaning behind it.

Henry doesn’t know how to process this event but goes with the flow.  Out of the confines of the town, on a short road trip, they admit they like each other and to not have any expectations that it might go anywhere.

But the ugly truth of her background raises its head with the conversation turning to the future, and Henry puts his foot in it.

As an unexpected result of that feeling he had ruined everything; a hug that, for him, seemed to last a lifetime.

I remember that first kiss, and the moment that led to it, and it left me with butterflies and dread, that eventually it would all fall apart.  It was a passing moment in time, and it taught me one very valuable lesson, leave expectations out of it.  And that flush of first love, there is nothing like it.

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 5

…

With the improved weather, they settle into a routine, she is getting comfortable with Henry being around, and he is finally getting out of the shipboard routine, and becoming more relaxed, though still wary of making a mistake.

They go for walks along the beach, and gradually, a form of intimacy takes place, holding hands, at first with gloves on.

Then in a totally unscripted moment from out of left field, they kiss. It just happens ‘in the moment’.  He apologises, and she just smiles.

Given what she has escaped from, it is a sublime moment that gives her the opportunity, against all odds, that it was possible, one day, she could be happy.

It leads to another unscripted moment, but this time a kiss with more meaning behind it.

Henry doesn’t know how to process this event but goes with the flow.  Out of the confines of the town, on a short road trip, they admit they like each other and to not have any expectations that it might go anywhere.

But the ugly truth of her background raises its head with the conversation turning to the future, and Henry puts his foot in it.

As an unexpected result of that feeling he had ruined everything; a hug that, for him, seemed to last a lifetime.

I remember that first kiss, and the moment that led to it, and it left me with butterflies and dread, that eventually it would all fall apart.  It was a passing moment in time, and it taught me one very valuable lesson, leave expectations out of it.  And that flush of first love, there is nothing like it.

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 3

…

Michelle, to Henry, was the proverbial black widow, having arrived with every stitch of clothing black or near enough.

They settle into an uneasy co-existence, by the fire, waiting out the rain and weather, not avoiding meals because it would require explanation, but stumbling over the conversation, mainly because of Henry’s shyness and reserve.

The arrangements come to a head when she goes out and comes back soaked.  She stands by the fire to get warm; Mrs Mac brings a towel for her to dry her face and hair, and here Henry discovers her injuries make it difficult.

He helps but makes a mess of it through inexperience and fear of, yes, making a mess of a moment, which, word-wise, he does.

At this point, we discover a lot more about who she is and why she is there, and why she can never have a relationship, friendship or anything with that enigmatic, shy, boy.

Then the weather breaks.

Alone, Henry goes out to explore the coast, finds a way down to the beach, goes for a walk to be alone with his thoughts, and remembers where he had seen her before.

In magazines, ads.  Not only a model but a lot more.  A woman he realizes he is way out of his depth when with her.

She ventures to the beach, and they talk, he discovers small talk is not something that comes easy and is left in despair at his ineptitude.

I know this feeling from experience, and it makes this story easy.

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 3

…

Michelle, to Henry, was the proverbial black widow, having arrived with every stitch of clothing black or near enough.

They settle into an uneasy co-existence, by the fire, waiting out the rain and weather, not avoiding meals because it would require explanation, but stumbling over the conversation, mainly because of Henry’s shyness and reserve.

The arrangements come to a head when she goes out and comes back soaked.  She stands by the fire to get warm; Mrs Mac brings a towel for her to dry her face and hair, and here Henry discovers her injuries make it difficult.

He helps but makes a mess of it through inexperience and fear of, yes, making a mess of a moment, which, word-wise, he does.

At this point, we discover a lot more about who she is and why she is there, and why she can never have a relationship, friendship or anything with that enigmatic, shy, boy.

Then the weather breaks.

Alone, Henry goes out to explore the coast, finds a way down to the beach, goes for a walk to be alone with his thoughts, and remembers where he had seen her before.

In magazines, ads.  Not only a model but a lot more.  A woman he realizes he is way out of his depth when with her.

She ventures to the beach, and they talk, he discovers small talk is not something that comes easy and is left in despair at his ineptitude.

I know this feeling from experience, and it makes this story easy.

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 2

…

Some people are not who they appear to be.

Henry, for instance, had suffered the tragic loss of what he believed to be his one true love.  That, in essence, had led him to that life at sea, away from everything and everyone, because all it did was remind him of what he had lost.

And, yes, he was not going to fall in love again, it was far too painful.

Trying to get over the overwhelming grief, still raw a year later, he hears the arrival of another guest, and curious discovers it is a woman about his age, one who is quite at odds with what he would expect as a guest, at this hotel, at this time of year.

It raises that inevitable question, why would someone like her be there?

This leads to an awkward dinner where, with only two guests in the hotel, would it not be better if they sat together?  Neither thought so, but it seems impolite not to.

From there, of course, the conversation could only get worse, with each emphasising, in their thoughts, just how much they didn’t want to be there.

It is here we discover how these two are going to get along, or not, as the days proceed, not having realised that meeting others was a possibility, but meeting someone else who might be a match, never.  Both know they’re at that hotel to stay away from everyone else, but, in the coming days, that wasn’t going to be possible.

Plans must be made.

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 2

…

Some people are not who they appear to be.

Henry, for instance, had suffered the tragic loss of what he believed to be his one true love.  That, in essence, had led him to that life at sea, away from everything and everyone, because all it did was remind him of what he had lost.

And, yes, he was not going to fall in love again, it was far too painful.

Trying to get over the overwhelming grief, still raw a year later, he hears the arrival of another guest, and curious discovers it is a woman about his age, one who is quite at odds with what he would expect as a guest, at this hotel, at this time of year.

It raises that inevitable question, why would someone like her be there?

This leads to an awkward dinner where, with only two guests in the hotel, would it not be better if they sat together?  Neither thought so, but it seems impolite not to.

From there, of course, the conversation could only get worse, with each emphasising, in their thoughts, just how much they didn’t want to be there.

It is here we discover how these two are going to get along, or not, as the days proceed, not having realised that meeting others was a possibility, but meeting someone else who might be a match, never.  Both know they’re at that hotel to stay away from everyone else, but, in the coming days, that wasn’t going to be possible.

Plans must be made.

…

“Trouble in Store” – Short stories my way: Actions have consequences

It’s time for the policewoman to arrive.

There is such a thing as pure dumb luck.

If she did not walk through the door when she did then Jack would have walked away.

From the policewoman’s perspective:

 

She crossed the street from the corner instead of remaining on the same side of the street as she did every other night.  When she reached the other sidewalk, she was about 20 yards from the nearest window of the store.

As she crossed, she got a better view of the three people in the store and noticed the woman, or girl, was acting oddly as if she had something in her hand, and, from time to time looked down beside her.

A yard or two from the window she stopped, took a deep breath, and then moved slowly, getting a better view of the scene with each step.

Then she saw the gun in the girl’s hand, and the two men, the shopkeeper and a customer facing her, hands up.

It was a convenience store robbery in progress.

She reached for her radio, but it wasn’t there.  She was off duty.  Instead, she withdrew, and called the station on her mobile phone, and reported the robbery.  The officer at the end of the phone said a car would be there in five minutes.

In five minutes there could be dead bodies.

She had to do something, and reached into her bag and pulled out a gun.  Not her service weapon, but one she carried in case of personal danger.

 

Guns are dangerous weapons in the hands of professional and amateur alike.  You would expect a professional who has trained to use a gun to not have a problem but consider what might happen in exceptional circumstances.

People freeze under pressure.  Alternately, some shoot first and ask questions later.

We have an edgy and frightened girl with a loaded gun, one bullet or thirteen in a magazine, it doesn’t matter.  It only takes one bullet to kill someone.

Then there’s the trigger pressure, light or heavy, the recoil after the shot and whether it causes the bullet to go into or above the intended target, especially if the person has never used a gun.

The policewoman, with training, will need two hands to take the shot, but in getting into the shop she will need one to open the door, and then be briefly distracted before using that hand to steady the other.

It will take a lifetime, even if it is only a few seconds.

Actions have consequences:

 

The policewoman crouched below the window shelf line so the girl wouldn’t see her, and made it to the door before straightening.  She was in dark clothes so the chances were the girl would not see her against the dark street backdrop.

Her hand was on the door handle about to push it inwards when she could feel in being yanked hard from the other side, and the momentum and surprise of it caused her to lose balance and crash into the man who was trying to get out.

What the hell…

A second or two later both were on the floor in a tangled mess, her gun hand caught underneath her, and a glance in the direction of the girl with the gun told her the situation had gone from bad to worse.

The girl had swung the gun around and aimed it at her and squeezed the trigger twice.

The two bangs in the small room were almost deafening and definitely disorientating.

Behind her, the glass door disintegrated when the bullet hit it.

Neither she nor the man beside her had been hit.

Yet.

She felt a kick in the back and the tickling of glass then broke free as the man she’d run into rolled out of the way.

Quickly on her feet, she saw the girl had gone, and wasted precious seconds getting up off the floor, then out the door to find she had disappeared.

She could hear a siren in the distance.  They’d find her.

 

If the policewoman had not picked that precise moment to enter the shop, maybe the man would have got away.

Maybe.

If he’d been aware of the fact he was allowed to leave.

He was lucky not to be shot.

Yet there were two shots, and we know at least one of them broke the door’s glass panel.

 

Next – the epilog

© Charles Heath 2016-2020

“Trouble in Store” – Short stories my way: Point of view

If this story were being written in the first person, the only perspective or point of view would be that of the narrator.

Since we need to have a number of perspectives it is better done in the third person so we can change between characters and try to understand their motivation.

We might look at the first-person perspective for each of the characters later.

The second of the protagonists is the girl with the gun.  How did she get it?  How did the situation deteriorate so quickly?   What is she going to do?

This is a short story, and we need to know something about her, so we must get to the heat of the matter quickly, so let’s start with:

…

Her mother said she would never amount to anything, and here she was, with a broken drug addict coming apart because she had been cut off from her money, dragged into coming to this shop to leverage drugs from his dealer at the end of a gun.  It was her fault, Jerry said and made her feel responsible, much the same as her parents and everyone else in her life.

One of life’s losers or just a victim?  This theme can go in any direction.

Then a moment to reflect on why she was here:

Why had she agreed to go with Jerry?  At that moment when she picked up the gun off the floor, she realized it was not out of responsibility or fault, it was out of fear.

That gives us the why; he had obviously tried to make her feel responsible and when that failed, he threatened her.  But now there’s a bigger issue, the gun and a situation spiralling out of control.  The thing is, she has the gun and the power to walk away or make matters worse.

The problem was that she had outed the shopkeeper as a dealer in front of someone who had not known.  That now made him a victim as much as she was.

She looked at the two men facing her, a shopkeeper who was a dealer and a customer scared shitless.  As much as she was.  Her gun hand was shaking.

The scene is set, and something must give.

Time for the shopkeeper to weigh in.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.  Please, put the gun down before someone gets hurt.”

It’s a typical response from a man who realizes he’s in trouble and is trying to make time while he thinks of how to rescue himself from a potentially dangerous situation.

Time to change the perspective again and explore the shopkeeper.

If only Jack hadn’t come in when he did.  He would have the gun, call the police, and brazened his way out of trouble.  Who would the police believe a pair of addicts or a respectable shopkeeper?

Now he had to deal with the fallout, especially if the girl started talking.

Next, actions have consequences, building the tension.

This section was rewritten, moving from Jack as the narrator to the girl, and then to the shopkeeper:

Annalisa looked at the two men facing her, a shopkeeper who, despite his protestations, was a dealer and a customer scared shitless.

The poor bastard was not the only one.  This was meant to be simple, arrive at the shop just before closing, force the shopkeeper to hand over the shit, and leave.  Simple.

Except …

The shopkeeper told them to get out.  Simmo started ranting waving the gun around, then collapsed.  In a race for the gun which spilled out of his hand, she won.

He was getting the stuff when the customer burst into the shop.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, she thought.

Why had she agreed to go with Jerry?  It was her fault, Jerry had said, and he made her feel responsible for his problems, much the same as her parents and everyone else in her life.

Her mother said she would never amount to anything, and here she was, with a drug addict coming apart because she had been cut off from her money, dragged into coming to this shop to pick up his score from his dealer at the end of a gun.

She heard a strange sound come from beside her and looked down.  Simmo was getting worse, like he had a fever, and was moaning.

The shopkeeper saw an opportunity.  “Listen to me, young lady, I have no idea what you are talking about.  Please, put the gun down before someone gets hurt.  Your friend needs medical help and I can call an ambulance.”

The girl switched her attention back to him.  “Shut up, let me think.  Shit.”

The storekeeper glanced over at the customer.  He’s been in once or twice, probably lived in the neighbourhood, but looked the sort who’d prefer to be anywhere but in his shop.  More so now.  If only he hadn’t burst in when he did.  He would have the gun, call the police, and brazened his way out of trouble.  Who would the police believe a pair of addicts or a respectable shopkeeper?

Now he had to deal with the fallout, especially if the girl started talking.

© Charles Heath 2016 – 2020