Another excerpt from ‘Betrayal’; a work in progress

My next destination in the quest was the hotel we believed Anne Merriweather had stayed at.

I was, in a sense, flying blind because we had no concrete evidence she had been there, and the message she had left behind didn’t quite name the hotel or where Vladimir was going to take her.

Mindful of the fact that someone might have been following me, I checked to see if the person I’d assumed had followed me to Elizabeth’s apartment was still in place, but I couldn’t see him. Next, I made a mental note of seven different candidates and committed them to memory.

Then I set off to the hotel, hailing a taxi. There was the possibility the cab driver was one of them, but perhaps I was slightly more paranoid than I should be. I’d been watching the queue, and there were two others before me.

The journey took about an hour, during which time I kept an eye out the back to see if anyone had been following us. If anyone was, I couldn’t see them.

I had the cab drop me off a block from the hotel and then spent the next hour doing a complete circuit of the block the hotel was on, checking the front and rear entrances, the cameras in place, and the siting of the driveway into the underground carpark. There was a camera over the entrance, and one we hadn’t checked for footage. I sent a text message to Fritz to look into it.

The hotel lobby was large and busy, which was exactly what you’d want if you wanted to come and go without standing out. It would be different later at night, but I could see her arriving about mid-afternoon, and anonymous among the type of clientele the hotel attracted.

I spent an hour sitting in various positions in the lobby simply observing. I had already ascertained where the elevator lobby for the rooms was, and the elevator down to the car park. Fortunately, it was not ‘guarded’ but there was a steady stream of concierge staff coming and going to the lower levels, and, just from time to time, guests.

Then, when there was a commotion at the front door, what seemed to be a collision of guests and free-wheeling bags, I saw one of the seven potential taggers sitting by the front door. Waiting for me to leave? Or were they wondering why I was spending so much time there?

Taking advantage of that confusion, I picked my moment to head for the elevators that went down to the car park, pressed the down button, and waited.

The was no car on the ground level, so I had to wait, watching, like several others, the guests untangling themselves at the entrance, and an eye on my potential surveillance, still absorbed in the confusion.

The doors to the left car opened, and a concierge stepped out, gave me a quick look, then headed back to his desk. I stepped into the car, pressed the first level down, the level I expected cars to arrive on, and waited what seemed like a long time for the doors to close.

As they did, I was expecting to see a hand poke through the gap, a latecomer. Nothing happened, and I put it down to a television moment.

There were three basement levels, and for a moment, I let my imagination run wild and considered the possibility that there were more levels. Of course, there was no indication on the control panel that there were any other floors, and I’d yet to see anything like it in reality.

With a shake of my head to return to reality, the car arrived, the doors opened, and I stepped out.

A car pulled up, and the driver stepped out, went around to the rear of his car, and pulled out a case. I half expected him to throw me the keys, but the instant glance he gave me told him was not the concierge, and instead brushed past me like I wasn’t there.

He bashed the up button several times impatiently and cursed when the doors didn’t open immediately. Not a happy man.

Another car drove past on its way down to a lower level.

I looked up and saw the CCTV camera, pointing towards the entrance, visible in the distance. A gate that lifted up was just about back in position and then made a clunk when it finally closed. The footage from the camera would not prove much, even if it had been working, because it didn’t cover the life lobby, only in the direction of the car entrance.

The doors to the other elevator car opened, and a man in a suit stepped out.

“Can I help you, sir? You seem lost.”

Security, or something else. “It seems that way. I went to the elevator lobby, got in, and it went down rather than up. I must have been in the wrong place.”

“Lost it is, then, sir.” I could hear the contempt for Americans in his tone. “If you will accompany me, please.”

He put out a hand ready to guide me back into the elevator. I was only too happy to oblige him. There had been a sign near the button panel that said the basement levels were only to be accessed by the guests.

Once inside, he turned a key and pressed the lobby button. The doors closed, and we went up. He stood, facing the door, not speaking. A few seconds later, he was ushering me out to the lobby.

“Now, sir, if you are a guest…”

“Actually, I’m looking for one. She called me and said she would be staying in this hotel and to come down and visit her. I was trying to get to the sixth floor.”

“Good. Let’s go over the the desk and see what we can do for you.”

I followed him over to the reception desk, where he signalled one of the clerks, a young woman who looked and acted very efficiently, and told her of my request, but then remained to oversee the proceeding.

“Name of guest, sir?”

“Merriweather, Anne. I’m her brother, Alexander.” I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out my passport to prove that I was who I said I was. She glanced cursorily at it.

She typed the name into the computer, and then we waited a few seconds while it considered what to output. Then, she said, “That lady is not in the hotel, sir.”

Time to put on my best-confused look. “But she said she would be staying here for the week. I made a special trip to come here to see her.”

Another puzzled look from the clerk, then, “When did she call you?”

An interesting question to ask, and it set off a warning bell in my head. I couldn’t say today, it would have to be the day she was supposedly taken.

“Last Saturday, about four in the afternoon.”

Another look at the screen, then, “It appears she checked out Sunday morning. I’m afraid you have made a trip in vain.”

Indeed, I had. “Was she staying with anyone?”

I just managed to see the warning pass from the suited man to the clerk. I thought he had shown an interest when I mentioned the name, and now I had confirmation. He knew something about her disappearance. The trouble was, he wasn’t going to volunteer any information because he was more than just hotel security.

“No.”

“Odd,” I muttered. “I thought she told me she was staying with a man named Vladimir something or other. I’m not too good at pronouncing those Russian names. Are you sure?”

She didn’t look back at the screen. “Yes.”

“OK, now one thing I do know about staying in hotels is that you are required to ask guests with foreign passports their next destination, just in case they need to be found. Did she say where she was going next?” It was a long shot, but I thought I’d ask.

“Moscow. As I understand it, she lives in Moscow. That was the only address she gave us.”

I smiled. “Thank you. I know where that is. I probably should have gone there first.”

She didn’t answer; she didn’t have to, her expression did that perfectly.

The suited man spoke again, looking at the clerk. “Thank you.” He swivelled back to me. “I’m sorry we can’t help you.”

“No. You have more than you can know.”

“What was your name again, sir, just in case you still cannot find her?”

“Alexander Merriweather. Her brother. And if she is still missing, I will be posting a very large reward. At the moment, you can best contact me via the American Embassy.”

Money is always a great motivator, and that thoughtful expression on his face suggested he gave a moment’s thought to it.

I left him with that offer and left. If anything, the people who were holding her would know she had a brother, that her brother was looking for her, and equally that brother had money.

© Charles Heath – 2018-2025

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 45/46

Days 45 and 46 – Writing exercise

Take one of your stories that’s stalled and re work it.

They say trouble comes when you least expect it.

It does.

I can attest to that.

I was at the end of my shift.  Another shift, another night, another ten hours of my life gone, doing a job that, had you asked me twenty years ago would I be here, I would have said no.

Circumstances and stupidity put me here, and it’s not as if I didn’t deserve it.   I was told I had choices, and I did, but I didn’t make the right one.  There were reasons, but they were nothing but excuses.

And it wasn’t as if I was the only one.

Like Jim, slightly younger but no wiser, like Joe, older and regretting his mistakes, and like Mike, who simply didn’t care until he had to.  My name was Sam.  No one questioned whether they were our real names, no one wanted to know our last names, and the names were, by coincidence, easy to remember.

Along with rule number one: we had each other’s backs.

The breakout area was scratched Laminex, discoloured plastic and scuffed and cracked linoleum tiles.  It was old and tired like we were.

“Usual weekend?” Jim asked.

I was heading towards the kitchen to get my small fridge bag, then out the back door and off home.

“The boat and the lake await.”

“You still expecting to find fish in that swamp?”  Mike had been with me one weekend, and nothing took the bait.

After six or so months, I was beginning to think the locals were right.  There were no fish.

“Miracles can still happen.”

“Yeah, right.  You should come hunting with us.”

“Don’t like guns.”

Not anymore, anyway.  There was a time I was happy to use one, when I had a purpose, and there was a reason to use it.

“Then why pick a job that needs one?”

“Chances of having to use it, Mike, zero per cent.  If I have to, I will, but until then…”  I left it there.  We’d had this conversation, and it always ended the same way.

I collected the bag, told them I’d see them next Monday, the start of the next shift, and stepped out the back door into the early morning dawn, that period just as the light came.

Silent, fresh, the promise of either a good day or a bad.  I wasn’t sure.  I glanced over towards the car, and it had a slight sprinkling of snow.  The weather was clear now, but I could feel that more snow was coming. 

A white Christmas?  Those were memories in another lifetime.

Across the parking area where there should have been four pickups, there was one too many, something out of the usual, and I slowed.  The fifth vehicle, a car, looked empty, but it might not be.

I felt for the sidearm, for reassurance.  I wasn’t expecting trouble, but was ready for it.  No one could possibly know where I was now; that person had disappeared long ago.

Thirty-three steps, measured, slow, eyes on that fifth car, watching and waiting.  Less than ten yards I stopped when I saw movement inside it, and effortlessly, the gun was in my hand, by my side, but ready.

I sopped when the light went on as the door opened.

I could see the driver was a woman, stepping out and standing.   The interior light cast an eerie glow over her for a few seconds before letting the dark envelop her again.

“Graham?”

A second’s hesitation before my eyes readjusted to the overhead lamps, long enough to recognise the voice and its owner, one I hadn’t heard for a long time, one from that past I had tried to forget.

“Penny?”

She took several steps towards me, then stopped, leaning against the front of my truck.

“Thank God.  You’re a hard person to find.”

Which was exactly what she asked me to do, twenty-three years ago, when any hint of scandal would have ruined her chances at become a District Attorney.  I was a mess back then.

“You asked, I did as I was told.”

“It wasn’t meant to be forever.”

“Not according to your husband.”  He said if he saw me again. It wouldn’t end well.  I believed him.

I saw her grimace, and I don’t think it was the memories of that last encounter.  “How did you find me?”

“I know people.”

Of course.  She knew people who knew people, and so on.  “OK.  You found me.  What do you want?”  I could have been more conciliatory, but there was too much water under that bridge.

I could see the surprise and then hurt in her expression.

“You are the only person I can turn to.”

“For what?  I have nothing you could possibly want.”

The black sheep, the perennial loser, the sibling no one wanted to know or see.  Why would they?  Run with the wrong crowd, join the Army, get deployed to hell on earth, walk away with bad dreams and PTSD.

Not exactly the sort for a District Attorney to be rubbing shoulders with or have as a contact/reference on a resume.

“I need help.”

I laughed, or was it a harsh guttural sound that was almost a snort of derision?  Help from a person who couldn’t help himself?  But curiosity got the better of me.  “Why?”

“Someone wants me dead.”

“Isn’t that part of the job?”

She sighed and slumped back against the car, and I could see a dark stain on the left side just above her waist.

“I can’t go to a hospital, and no one must know…”

I reached her just before she hit the ground.

“No hospital, or doctor.  Do not tell Fred.  No one can know where…”

That was all she could manage before she passed out.

Damn.

Why me?

Trouble always finds trouble.  It had been like that almost all my life.  I had only managed to break the cycle with this job, being anonymous among anonymous people.  I knew nothing about them; they knew nothing about me.  Only that I was running.

When I saw Mike sauntering across the car park, all of that anonymity went out the window.

“What the hell?  Sam?”

“My sister.  Shot.  In trouble, though she didn’t say how deep.  A wound, a knife or a shot doesn’t matter.  It’s bad enough.”  I looked up at him.  “I didn’t do it.  I swear.”

His eyes took in the whole scene and made a decision.  “I know a guy.  No questions.”

He helped me get her into the truck, then took her car and told me to follow him.

What choice did I have?

We took her to my place, a cabin with a two-car shed and a spare room.  The guy met us at the house, he took one look at the wound and said it wasn’t serious, but she wasn’t going to go far for about a week.

She had been shot, single bullet, missed vital parts, but was messy.  He left bandages, antiseptic and pills and told me to keep an eye on her for the next twelve hours.  It looked like I was going on a different fishing expedition when she woke up.

And twelve hours to relive some memories that should not be allowed to come back, but then we never get a choice in what the mind wants to recall, or when.

Night bled into day, a dark, gloomy, murky morning where the sun had disappeared and left us with grey, and then white.  The snow had come, heavy at first, then into a sprinkle.  I was standing by the window, and the wind rattled the windows, just enough to keep me awake.

I shivered.

“Graham?”

A softer tone this time, the sort used when searching for a familiar person in the darkness and hoping you didn’t find a monster instead.

“I’m here.”

I heard rustling.  I had put the clean sheets on the spare bed and gave her one of my blankets.  Even so, it would still be cold.  There was a fire in the other room, but it barely heated the area nearest to the hearth.

“Come, sit.”

I weighed up the odds that sitting near her could be harmful to my health, particularly if the gunman had followed her here.  But then, with Penelope, her version of the truth was never the same as anyone else’s.

Almost instinctively, I pulled the chair back a few feet before sitting.  Close was too close.

“You still don’t trust me.”

“Two years in jail, Penelope.  Hard to forget or forgive.”

It still burned twenty-three years later, like it was yesterday.  She had a choice, but in an election year, it had been all about appearances.  Tough on crime, tougher on family.  It didn’t matter that I was proven innocent.

Mt cell phone rang.

“It’s slime ball number two.”  In other words, her husband.  He and I never got along, never would.  “How did he get my number?”

The look on her face told me more than she wanted to convey.  The usual granite expression was replaced by fear.  This was not the Penelope of old.

“Don’t…”

I pressed the answer button.  Giles was not a man to ignore.  He would find other ways to talk to me, which would lead to more trouble.

“What do you want?”  This time, I didn’t disguise the hatred.

“Where is she?”

No hello, no how are you, after twenty-three years of silence.

“The cat’s mother?  Damned if I know or care, Giles.”

“Don’t get smart, Graham.”

“I thought you said smart was a word not in my vocabulary, Giles.  If I had another brain, it would be lonely.  How did you get this number?”

“I have my methods.  Like I know where you are and can cause you infinite grief.  Now stop stooging around and tell me where she is?”

I counted to ten.  Not because I was angry, which I was, but because Giles was a man it took effort to annoy.

“I take it that was a threat, Giles.  If it were a declaration of war, let me tell you, I know how wars work, and if you want to go down that path, I’m your man.  I don’t know where she is, I don’t care where she is.  I’ve had twenty-three years to forget about you lot, and when I hang up, I don’t want to hear from or see you again.  Do I make myself clear?”

“You don’t get a choice.”

“No.  Neither do you.  Start something, Giles, it won’t end until I say it ends.  My advice, Giles.  Go crawl back under that rock, and don’t come out again.  Goodbye.”

I hung up.  Of course, I knew exactly what was going to happen.  He knew where I was, because she knew where I was.  And like anyone who had no one left they could trust, she chose family.

Conveniently ignoring twenty-three years of history.

“Why would you do this to me?” I asked.  “I just got my life back together.”

“I had no one else.”

“So you decided, let’s ruin Graham’s life again.  He’s expendable.  Nobody cares whether he lives or dies.  Giles isn’t going to let this go.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not.  If you were, you wouldn’t come here.”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“You did.  You simply chose what was best for you.  I’m sorry.  But it doesn’t work this time.  You’re on your own.”

“He will kill me.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t do that the day after you got married.  He certainly tried.”

Giles was not a man who could handle drinking, and it made me curious as to why he very rarely had a drink in his hand and always politely refused.  Except on his wedding day.  I called in on them after the reception to drop off some presents, and he was standing over her, and there was blood everywhere.  I dragged him off and gave him a taste of his own medicine.  It earned me his eternal hatred, and once an enemy of Giles, always an enemy.  I discovered that in jail.

“I didn’t know he was like that.”

“Everyone else did and tried to tell you.”

“He changed.”

“Until?”

“He didn’t shoot me.”

“No, he doesn’t do that sort of stuff.  He had people to do it for him.  You don’t need me.  You need a bodyguard.  Two or three.  I have to leave, now he knows where I am.”

“Take me with you.”

“No.  I was done with you and him, twenty-three years ago.”

“Then I’ll die.”

“Perhaps then you’ll know what it’s like when he sets his goons on you, like he did to me.”  I was supposed to die in jail, not get exonerated, and since then I’d only been one step ahead…

Damn.

I got it, and it was already too late.

He had deliberately set his goons on her, knowing she would lead them to me.  He’d known, with no one else to turn to, she would instinctively turn to me.  A desperate plan from a desperate man.

“Has he decided to jump from District Attorney to State Governor?”

The expression on her face was priceless.

I ran.

©  Charles Heath  2026

What I learned about writing – Write as you speak

If I did, it would be a jumble of words that might not make any sense. But, for the purposes of this exercise, I shall try…

I’m guessing that the point of this is that conversations have to sound natural, and often the words running around in my head sound fine, but it’s when you read them out loud that’s when it sounds wrong.

More than once, I’ve read out a sentence I’ve written and cringed. “Who talks like that?”

More than once, someone has said to me, “Did you just hear what you said?” and of course, we don’t listen to what we say, especially when we are angry and just spitting out words.

Kids make you see red, and once I did actually hear what I said, and if the neighbours had, they would no doubt call the police. My eldest son had made me so angry that I think I threatened to kill him in several different ways.

Not long after, I read an article that said parents frequently threatened their kids with death or worse, and it was the reason why they just laughed at them. As if we were going to kill them.

But it did strike a chord about the sort of conversations my characters would have, and when I read over some of the stuff that I’d written, how much it sounded like me. In fact, one of my relatives was beta-reading a story I’d written, and she said how much it was like me to the point where she could see me as the character.

It made me think twice every time I write conversations, and now I deliberately listen to other people and pick up on their speech patterns, words used, and manner of speaking to get a better feel for what is needed.

Of course, I’m not perfect, but it’s fun trying to assume different identities and imagine how they would react in any given situation, and particularly what they might say.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 45/46

Days 45 and 46 – Writing exercise

Take one of your stories that’s stalled and re work it.

They say trouble comes when you least expect it.

It does.

I can attest to that.

I was at the end of my shift.  Another shift, another night, another ten hours of my life gone, doing a job that, had you asked me twenty years ago would I be here, I would have said no.

Circumstances and stupidity put me here, and it’s not as if I didn’t deserve it.   I was told I had choices, and I did, but I didn’t make the right one.  There were reasons, but they were nothing but excuses.

And it wasn’t as if I was the only one.

Like Jim, slightly younger but no wiser, like Joe, older and regretting his mistakes, and like Mike, who simply didn’t care until he had to.  My name was Sam.  No one questioned whether they were our real names, no one wanted to know our last names, and the names were, by coincidence, easy to remember.

Along with rule number one: we had each other’s backs.

The breakout area was scratched Laminex, discoloured plastic and scuffed and cracked linoleum tiles.  It was old and tired like we were.

“Usual weekend?” Jim asked.

I was heading towards the kitchen to get my small fridge bag, then out the back door and off home.

“The boat and the lake await.”

“You still expecting to find fish in that swamp?”  Mike had been with me one weekend, and nothing took the bait.

After six or so months, I was beginning to think the locals were right.  There were no fish.

“Miracles can still happen.”

“Yeah, right.  You should come hunting with us.”

“Don’t like guns.”

Not anymore, anyway.  There was a time I was happy to use one, when I had a purpose, and there was a reason to use it.

“Then why pick a job that needs one?”

“Chances of having to use it, Mike, zero per cent.  If I have to, I will, but until then…”  I left it there.  We’d had this conversation, and it always ended the same way.

I collected the bag, told them I’d see them next Monday, the start of the next shift, and stepped out the back door into the early morning dawn, that period just as the light came.

Silent, fresh, the promise of either a good day or a bad.  I wasn’t sure.  I glanced over towards the car, and it had a slight sprinkling of snow.  The weather was clear now, but I could feel that more snow was coming. 

A white Christmas?  Those were memories in another lifetime.

Across the parking area where there should have been four pickups, there was one too many, something out of the usual, and I slowed.  The fifth vehicle, a car, looked empty, but it might not be.

I felt for the sidearm, for reassurance.  I wasn’t expecting trouble, but was ready for it.  No one could possibly know where I was now; that person had disappeared long ago.

Thirty-three steps, measured, slow, eyes on that fifth car, watching and waiting.  Less than ten yards I stopped when I saw movement inside it, and effortlessly, the gun was in my hand, by my side, but ready.

I sopped when the light went on as the door opened.

I could see the driver was a woman, stepping out and standing.   The interior light cast an eerie glow over her for a few seconds before letting the dark envelop her again.

“Graham?”

A second’s hesitation before my eyes readjusted to the overhead lamps, long enough to recognise the voice and its owner, one I hadn’t heard for a long time, one from that past I had tried to forget.

“Penny?”

She took several steps towards me, then stopped, leaning against the front of my truck.

“Thank God.  You’re a hard person to find.”

Which was exactly what she asked me to do, twenty-three years ago, when any hint of scandal would have ruined her chances at become a District Attorney.  I was a mess back then.

“You asked, I did as I was told.”

“It wasn’t meant to be forever.”

“Not according to your husband.”  He said if he saw me again. It wouldn’t end well.  I believed him.

I saw her grimace, and I don’t think it was the memories of that last encounter.  “How did you find me?”

“I know people.”

Of course.  She knew people who knew people, and so on.  “OK.  You found me.  What do you want?”  I could have been more conciliatory, but there was too much water under that bridge.

I could see the surprise and then hurt in her expression.

“You are the only person I can turn to.”

“For what?  I have nothing you could possibly want.”

The black sheep, the perennial loser, the sibling no one wanted to know or see.  Why would they?  Run with the wrong crowd, join the Army, get deployed to hell on earth, walk away with bad dreams and PTSD.

Not exactly the sort for a District Attorney to be rubbing shoulders with or have as a contact/reference on a resume.

“I need help.”

I laughed, or was it a harsh guttural sound that was almost a snort of derision?  Help from a person who couldn’t help himself?  But curiosity got the better of me.  “Why?”

“Someone wants me dead.”

“Isn’t that part of the job?”

She sighed and slumped back against the car, and I could see a dark stain on the left side just above her waist.

“I can’t go to a hospital, and no one must know…”

I reached her just before she hit the ground.

“No hospital, or doctor.  Do not tell Fred.  No one can know where…”

That was all she could manage before she passed out.

Damn.

Why me?

Trouble always finds trouble.  It had been like that almost all my life.  I had only managed to break the cycle with this job, being anonymous among anonymous people.  I knew nothing about them; they knew nothing about me.  Only that I was running.

When I saw Mike sauntering across the car park, all of that anonymity went out the window.

“What the hell?  Sam?”

“My sister.  Shot.  In trouble, though she didn’t say how deep.  A wound, a knife or a shot doesn’t matter.  It’s bad enough.”  I looked up at him.  “I didn’t do it.  I swear.”

His eyes took in the whole scene and made a decision.  “I know a guy.  No questions.”

He helped me get her into the truck, then took her car and told me to follow him.

What choice did I have?

We took her to my place, a cabin with a two-car shed and a spare room.  The guy met us at the house, he took one look at the wound and said it wasn’t serious, but she wasn’t going to go far for about a week.

She had been shot, single bullet, missed vital parts, but was messy.  He left bandages, antiseptic and pills and told me to keep an eye on her for the next twelve hours.  It looked like I was going on a different fishing expedition when she woke up.

And twelve hours to relive some memories that should not be allowed to come back, but then we never get a choice in what the mind wants to recall, or when.

Night bled into day, a dark, gloomy, murky morning where the sun had disappeared and left us with grey, and then white.  The snow had come, heavy at first, then into a sprinkle.  I was standing by the window, and the wind rattled the windows, just enough to keep me awake.

I shivered.

“Graham?”

A softer tone this time, the sort used when searching for a familiar person in the darkness and hoping you didn’t find a monster instead.

“I’m here.”

I heard rustling.  I had put the clean sheets on the spare bed and gave her one of my blankets.  Even so, it would still be cold.  There was a fire in the other room, but it barely heated the area nearest to the hearth.

“Come, sit.”

I weighed up the odds that sitting near her could be harmful to my health, particularly if the gunman had followed her here.  But then, with Penelope, her version of the truth was never the same as anyone else’s.

Almost instinctively, I pulled the chair back a few feet before sitting.  Close was too close.

“You still don’t trust me.”

“Two years in jail, Penelope.  Hard to forget or forgive.”

It still burned twenty-three years later, like it was yesterday.  She had a choice, but in an election year, it had been all about appearances.  Tough on crime, tougher on family.  It didn’t matter that I was proven innocent.

Mt cell phone rang.

“It’s slime ball number two.”  In other words, her husband.  He and I never got along, never would.  “How did he get my number?”

The look on her face told me more than she wanted to convey.  The usual granite expression was replaced by fear.  This was not the Penelope of old.

“Don’t…”

I pressed the answer button.  Giles was not a man to ignore.  He would find other ways to talk to me, which would lead to more trouble.

“What do you want?”  This time, I didn’t disguise the hatred.

“Where is she?”

No hello, no how are you, after twenty-three years of silence.

“The cat’s mother?  Damned if I know or care, Giles.”

“Don’t get smart, Graham.”

“I thought you said smart was a word not in my vocabulary, Giles.  If I had another brain, it would be lonely.  How did you get this number?”

“I have my methods.  Like I know where you are and can cause you infinite grief.  Now stop stooging around and tell me where she is?”

I counted to ten.  Not because I was angry, which I was, but because Giles was a man it took effort to annoy.

“I take it that was a threat, Giles.  If it were a declaration of war, let me tell you, I know how wars work, and if you want to go down that path, I’m your man.  I don’t know where she is, I don’t care where she is.  I’ve had twenty-three years to forget about you lot, and when I hang up, I don’t want to hear from or see you again.  Do I make myself clear?”

“You don’t get a choice.”

“No.  Neither do you.  Start something, Giles, it won’t end until I say it ends.  My advice, Giles.  Go crawl back under that rock, and don’t come out again.  Goodbye.”

I hung up.  Of course, I knew exactly what was going to happen.  He knew where I was, because she knew where I was.  And like anyone who had no one left they could trust, she chose family.

Conveniently ignoring twenty-three years of history.

“Why would you do this to me?” I asked.  “I just got my life back together.”

“I had no one else.”

“So you decided, let’s ruin Graham’s life again.  He’s expendable.  Nobody cares whether he lives or dies.  Giles isn’t going to let this go.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not.  If you were, you wouldn’t come here.”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“You did.  You simply chose what was best for you.  I’m sorry.  But it doesn’t work this time.  You’re on your own.”

“He will kill me.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t do that the day after you got married.  He certainly tried.”

Giles was not a man who could handle drinking, and it made me curious as to why he very rarely had a drink in his hand and always politely refused.  Except on his wedding day.  I called in on them after the reception to drop off some presents, and he was standing over her, and there was blood everywhere.  I dragged him off and gave him a taste of his own medicine.  It earned me his eternal hatred, and once an enemy of Giles, always an enemy.  I discovered that in jail.

“I didn’t know he was like that.”

“Everyone else did and tried to tell you.”

“He changed.”

“Until?”

“He didn’t shoot me.”

“No, he doesn’t do that sort of stuff.  He had people to do it for him.  You don’t need me.  You need a bodyguard.  Two or three.  I have to leave, now he knows where I am.”

“Take me with you.”

“No.  I was done with you and him, twenty-three years ago.”

“Then I’ll die.”

“Perhaps then you’ll know what it’s like when he sets his goons on you, like he did to me.”  I was supposed to die in jail, not get exonerated, and since then I’d only been one step ahead…

Damn.

I got it, and it was already too late.

He had deliberately set his goons on her, knowing she would lead them to me.  He’d known, with no one else to turn to, she would instinctively turn to me.  A desperate plan from a desperate man.

“Has he decided to jump from District Attorney to State Governor?”

The expression on her face was priceless.

I ran.

©  Charles Heath  2026

365 Days of writing, 2026 – My Second Story 7

More about my second novel

John’s search for Zoe was at an impasse because it was her job to disappear and reappear at will, and he knew he was no match for her in that regard.

So, having gone to her residence in Paris, not finding her there, which was predictable, the place looked like it had not been visited in months, he concluded a short stay might help to clear his head.

Until he gets a phone call.

Kidnappers, other than the Russians, have captured Zoe, and they’re ringing him for a ransom.

Odd, because he was not the one who placed the kidnap order on her, so why would they be ringing him?

This was initiated by Zoe, no doubt playing the kidnapper by sending him to a bigger payday.

If that’s the case, then John has to deduce she has faith in him to come and get her.

Which he’s going to do, but not on his own.

It’s time to call Sebastian, someone John knew would know what to do.

Or at least hope he does!

Talk about rescue missions gone wrong.

John is not very good at this, though; who’s to say Sebastian isn’t as good as he thinks he is?

So, tossed in a basement awaiting his fate, who should he discover: Zoe

Mission accomplished.

Of course, no good deed goes unpunished as she tears strips off him for being a fool, firstly, to come after her, and secondly, for trusting Sebastian.

But they’ve been in tighter scrapes before, and the fun is just about to begin.

After a few minutes of catching up!

And, no doubt, Sebastian is somewhere near plotting his own operation to fix up the first operation.

What I learned about writing – Editing – getting the reader invested

There are two, possibly more, but two fundamental questions you have to ask yourself when you are reading through your work, and perhaps for the first time after finishing writing that first draft.

What am I saying?

What happens next for the characters?

Here’s the thing…

What you’re saying is what the reader wants to know, what sets the tone, what sets up the story. I like to throw readers in the deep right from the start, to give the reader a sense of who they’re going on the journey with.

In my opinion, a book is a journey and the more compelling you can make it, the more invested the reader will be.

Your ultimate aim: that the reader cannot put the book down. They just have to read a bit more to see what happens.

It is always going to be what happens next, whether our protagonist is hanging out of a helicopter trying to avoid being killed, or chasing a lead (or person), chasing a suspect or a person of interest, or just a red herring or entanglement.

And there is always that trope, the cliffhanger at the end of every chapter.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – My Second Story 7

More about my second novel

John’s search for Zoe was at an impasse because it was her job to disappear and reappear at will, and he knew he was no match for her in that regard.

So, having gone to her residence in Paris, not finding her there, which was predictable, the place looked like it had not been visited in months, he concluded a short stay might help to clear his head.

Until he gets a phone call.

Kidnappers, other than the Russians, have captured Zoe, and they’re ringing him for a ransom.

Odd, because he was not the one who placed the kidnap order on her, so why would they be ringing him?

This was initiated by Zoe, no doubt playing the kidnapper by sending him to a bigger payday.

If that’s the case, then John has to deduce she has faith in him to come and get her.

Which he’s going to do, but not on his own.

It’s time to call Sebastian, someone John knew would know what to do.

Or at least hope he does!

Talk about rescue missions gone wrong.

John is not very good at this, though; who’s to say Sebastian isn’t as good as he thinks he is?

So, tossed in a basement awaiting his fate, who should he discover: Zoe

Mission accomplished.

Of course, no good deed goes unpunished as she tears strips off him for being a fool, firstly, to come after her, and secondly, for trusting Sebastian.

But they’ve been in tighter scrapes before, and the fun is just about to begin.

After a few minutes of catching up!

And, no doubt, Sebastian is somewhere near plotting his own operation to fix up the first operation.

“The Things we do for Love”, the story behind the story

This story has been ongoing since I was seventeen, and just to let you know, I’m 72 this year.

Yes, it’s taken a long time to get it done.

Why, you might ask.

Well, I never gave it much interest because I started writing it after a small incident when I was 17, and working as a book packer for a book distributor in Melbourne

At the end of my first year, at Christmas, the employer had a Christmas party, and that year, it was at a venue in St Kilda.

I wasn’t going to go because at that age, I was an ordinary boy who was very introverted and basically scared of his own shadow and terrified by girls.

Back then, I would cross the street to avoid them

Also, other members of the staff in the shipping department were rough and ready types who were not backwards in telling me what happened, and being naive, perhaps they knew I’d be either shocked or intrigued.

I was both adamant I wasn’t coming and then got roped in on a dare.

Damn!

So, back then, in the early 70s, people looked the other way when it came to drinking, and of course, Dutch courage always takes away the concerns, especially when normally you wouldn’t do half the stuff you wouldn’t in a million years

I made it to the end, not as drunk and stupid as I thought I might be, and St Kilda being a salacious place if you knew where to look, my new friends decided to give me a surprise.

It didn’t take long to realise these men were ‘men about town’ as they kept saying, and we went on an odyssey.  Yes, those backstreet brothels where one could, I was told, have anything they could imagine.

Let me tell you, large quantities of alcohol and imagination were a very bad mix.

So, the odyssey in ‘The things we do’ was based on that, and then the encounter with Diana. Well, let’s just say I learned a great deal about girls that night.

Firstly, not all girls are nasty and spiteful, which seemed to be the case whenever I met one. There was a way to approach, greet, talk to, and behave.

It was also true that I could have had anything I wanted, but I decided what was in my imagination could stay there.  She was amused that all I wanted was to talk, but it was my money, and I could spend it how I liked.

And like any 17-year-old naive fool, I fell in love with her and had all these foolish notions.  Months later, I went back, but she had moved on, to where no one was saying or knew.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken and had to get over that first loss, which, like any 17-year-old, was like the end of the world.

But it was the best hour I’d ever spent in my life and would remain so until I met the woman I have been married to for the last 48 years.

As Henry, he was in part based on a rebel, the son of rich parents who despised them and their wealth, and he used to regale anyone who would listen about how they had messed up his life

If only I’d come from such a background!

And yes, I was only a run away from climbing up the stairs to get on board a ship, acting as a purser.

I worked for a shipping company and they gave their junior staff members an opportunity to spend a year at sea working as a purser on a cargo ship that sailed between Melbourne, Sydney and Hobart in Australia.

One of the other junior staff members’ turn came, and I would visit him on board when he would tell me stories about life on board, the officers, the crew, and other events. These stories, which sounded incredible to someone so impressionable, were a delight to hear.

Alas, by that time, I had tired of office work and moved on to be a tradesman at the place where my father worked.

It proved to be the right move, as that is where I met my wife.  Diana had been right; love would find me when I least expected it.

lovecoverfinal1

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 44

Day 44 – Logical and illogical

The Art of the Un‑Expected: How to Keep Logic in Play While Giving Your Story a Believable Twist


1. Why “Logical” Storytelling Still Rules the Roost

When readers sit down with a book, a screenplay, or even a short blog post, the first thing they look for is coherence.

  • Cause‑and‑effect: “If X happens, then Y should follow.”
  • Internal consistency: The world you’ve built follows its own rules, no matter how fantastical they are.
  • Predictable stakes: The protagonist’s goals, obstacles, and motivations are clear.

A story that respects these principles feels safe. It’s the literary equivalent of a well‑built bridge—you trust it won’t collapse under you.

But trust can become complacency. After a while, readers start anticipating the next move: “Oh, here comes the climax!” or “We’re about to get the happy ending.” That’s where the magic of a twist comes in.


2. The Twist: A Controlled Violation of Expectation

A twist isn’t just a surprise; it’s a deliberate breach of the logical path you’ve laid out—but it must still feel like it could have happened. Think of it as a creative detour on a well‑paved road:

ElementStandard LogicTwist Version
SetupHero discovers a map to treasure.Hero discovers a map, but the “X” marks the spot of a forgotten laboratory.
ExpectationTreasure = gold, jewels, riches.Treasure = a dormant AI that can rewrite reality.
OutcomeWealth changes the hero’s life.The AI offers a choice: wealth or a chance to rewrite a past mistake.

The key is that the twist answers a question the story has already asked—it doesn’t introduce an unrelated, out‑of‑the‑blue element. It’s still a logical extension; it’s just a branch you didn’t see coming.


3. How to Build a Twist That Feels Believable

A. Plant Foreshadowing Nuggets Early

Even the most shocking twist works when the reader can, in hindsight, point to tiny clues that hinted at it.

  • Example: In a thriller, a character’s recurring habit of checking the kitchen clock could later reveal that the “mysterious ticking” was actually a timer for a bomb.

Tip: Use one‑sentence hints, a visual motif, or a subtle dialogue line. Don’t over‑explain; just give the attentive reader something to latch onto later.

B. Keep Motivation Consistent

If a character suddenly does something wildly out of character, the twist collapses.

  • Do: Show a lingering doubt or secret desire earlier in the narrative.
  • Don’t: Have the hero snap into villainy without any prior strain.

C. Leverage World‑Building Rules

Your story’s internal logic should already contain the possibility for the twist.

  • Science‑fiction: If you’ve established that quantum entanglement can be harnessed for communication, a twist where a message arrives from an alternate timeline feels plausible.
  • Fantasy: If magic has a cost (e.g., it ages the caster), a twist where a character trades years of life for a single wish fits the rulebook.

D. Use Contrast, Not Contradiction

A twist should amplify tension, not erase it. Contrast the expected outcome with the unexpected one, but never outright contradict the premises you’ve set.

  • Good: “She thought the interview was over, but the hiring manager handed her a secret dossier—her next mission.”
  • Bad: “She was interviewing for a coffee shop job, and suddenly she’s a secret agent—no previous hints about espionage.”

E. Test the Twist with Beta Readers

Ask a few trusted readers to outline the story after the first draft. If they can’t predict the twist but still feel it makes sense once revealed, you’ve hit the sweet spot.


4. Common Pitfalls & How to Avoid Them

PitfallWhy It FailsFix
“Twist for the sake of twist”Feels gimmicky; undermines credibility.Make every twist serve the character arc or theme.
Insufficient ForeshadowingThe twist feels like deus ex machina.Insert at least two subtle clues early on.
Breaking Core World RulesReaders lose trust; suspension of disbelief shatters.Add the twist within the established rule set, even if it stretches the limits.
Over‑Explaining the RevealDiminishes the “aha!” moment.Show the consequences; let readers piece together the logic themselves.
Twist That Undermines Protagonist AgencyThe hero becomes a puppet of the plot.Ensure the twist still leaves the protagonist making a meaningful choice.

5. A Mini‑Exercise to Warm Up Your Twist Muscles

  1. Write a 200‑word scene that ends with a clear, logical expectation (e.g., “The detective opens the safe, expecting cash.”).
  2. Identify three objects, lines of dialogue, or environmental details you can repurpose as foreshadowing.
  3. Rewrite the ending so the expectation is subverted, but each foreshadowing element now makes sense in hindsight.
  4. Read it aloud—does the twist feel like a natural, albeit surprising, outcome?

Do this exercise a few times with different genres. You’ll start to see how “logic‑bending” is really just logic‑re‑routing.


6. Closing Thoughts: The Balance Between Predictability and Awe

Stories are maps. The logic you lay down is the road that guides readers. The twist is the scenic overlook—they pause, gasp, and see the world from a fresh angle before continuing their journey.

When you strip away a little of the expected logic—but do it with intention, foreshadowing, and respect for your world—you give readers a thrilling, believable surprise that feels earned, not forced.

So the next time you sit down to write, ask yourself:

“What does my reader think is coming next? How can I honour that expectation while still taking them somewhere they didn’t see coming?”

If the answer is a twist that feels like a natural branch on the path you’ve built, you’ve just turned a good story into a great one.

Happy writing—and may your twists always be both unexpected and inevitable.


If you found this post helpful, subscribe for more storytelling tactics, and feel free to share your own twist‑building experiences in the comments below!

What I learned about writing – Originality

Can you write a completely original fiction story? Some would say they could, but every time you pick up a book, can you say that you have not seen parts of it before, in one form or another?

It is said that there are only seven basic plots that are used over and over again.

Others will say there are three, six, or thirty-six. No one can seem to agree on a number, but they all believe there is just a small number of master plots from which every story is written.

  1. Overcoming the Monster
  2. Rags to Riches
  3. The Quest
  4. Voyage and Return
  5. Rebirth
  6. Comedy
  7. Tragedy

This is from The Seven Basic Plots: Why We Tell Stories by Christopher Booker.

There are endless variations, some end happily, others sadly, and what is left in tragedy.

I like to have happy endings and am not a fan of sad endings; there’s enough of those on TV, and I think the last thing we want before we go to bed is to see a show that reflects daily life. I like to see the good guys win every now and then just to restore my faith in human nature.