Day 303

Writing what we think

…

The Unfiltered Mind: Should We Always Write What We Think, Right Now?

We’ve all been there: a thought flares up, an emotion surges, an opinion crystallises in our minds, and the immediate urge is to put it into words. Whether it’s a social media post, a blog entry, or even just an email, the impulse to share what’s on our minds at that very moment can be incredibly powerful.

But should we always succumb to this impulse? And should we worry that our opinions might change, making our current unfiltered thoughts seem inconsistent or even naive in the future? Let’s dive into the fascinating tightrope walk between immediate expression and thoughtful deliberation.

The Immediate Appeal: Pros of Writing What’s On Your Mind Right Now

There’s a lot to be said for capturing the raw, unfiltered essence of your current thoughts and feelings:

1. Authenticity and Relatability: When you write from the heart, in the moment, it often resonates deeply with others. It’s raw, it’s real, and it allows readers to connect with your humanity, vulnerabilities, and genuine excitement or frustration.
2. Capturing a Fleeting Moment: Our perspectives are dynamic. Writing what’s on your mind right now captures a snapshot of a specific time, place, and emotional state. This can be invaluable for creative writing, journaling, or even historical documentation of your own growth.
3. Catharsis and Clarity: For the writer, the act of dumping thoughts onto a page can be incredibly therapeutic. It helps process emotions, organise jumbled ideas, and can even lead to unexpected insights. It’s like talking it out, but with the permanence of the written word.
4. Sparking Genuine Discussion: Unfiltered thoughts, especially when they challenge norms or express strong emotions, often ignite more passionate and honest conversations. They create a starting point that feels lived-in, rather than perfectly curated.
5. Unleashing Creativity: Sometimes, the best ideas come from letting our minds wander and capturing those initial sparks before they fade. Overthinking can stifle creativity; immediate expression can unleash it.

The Perils of Impulsivity: Cons of Writing What’s On Your Mind Right Now

However, the “publish now, think later” approach comes with its own set of significant risks:

1. Regret and Irreversibility: Words, once written and especially once published, can be incredibly difficult to retract. A hastily written thought might cause offence, damage a reputation, or simply be something you deeply regret having shared once the initial emotion has passed.
2. Lack of Nuance and Context: Immediate thoughts are often driven by strong emotions and may lack the necessary context, research, or empathy that a more considered piece would have. This can lead to misinterpretation, oversimplification, or even spreading misinformation.
3. Inconsistency and Perceived Fickleness: If your opinions are constantly shifting (which is natural!), a steady stream of “in-the-moment” posts might make you appear inconsistent, unreliable, or not fully committed to any particular stance.
4. Emotional Overload for the Audience: While authenticity is good, a constant stream of highly charged, unfiltered emotions might be overwhelming or even off-putting for your audience. There’s a fine line between relatable vulnerability and incessant venting.
5. Digital Footprints: Everything you write online leaves a digital footprint. An opinion expressed in a moment of anger or naivete could resurface years later and impact your professional or personal life in unforeseen ways.

Should We Worry About Our Opinions Changing?

This brings us to the crucial question: should the fact that our opinions might change deter us from expressing what we feel at a particular time?

Absolutely not. To worry about opinion change is to worry about growth.

Our opinions are not static monuments; they are living, breathing entities that evolve with new information, experiences, and reflections. To pretend otherwise is to deny our own human capacity for learning and adaptation.

• Embrace the Journey: Your past opinions are part of your journey. They show where you’ve been, what you’ve learned, and how you’ve grown. There’s power in being able to say, “This is what I believed then, and here’s how my perspective has shifted and why.”
• Context is Key: The key isn’t to never express a current thought, but to understand the context. If you’re writing a personal blog or journal, documenting your evolving thoughts is a feature, not a bug. If you’re writing a manifesto for a political party, perhaps a more measured and consistent tone is expected.
• Transparency Builds Trust: Being transparent about your evolving views can actually build trust with your audience. It shows vulnerability and intellectual honesty, demonstrating that you’re open to new ideas and capable of critical self-reflection.

Finding the Balance: Fleeting Feelings vs. A Set Tone

The true art of writing lies in finding the balance between these two poles:

• For Fleeting Feelings: Use platforms and formats that allow for ephemerality and personal reflection. Your private journal, a “thoughts-of-the-day” section on a blog, creative writing, or even temporary social media stories are perfect for capturing the moment without the pressure of eternal consistency.
• For a Set Tone or Attitude: When your writing has a specific purpose – building a brand, advocating for a cause, informing a professional audience, writing a definitive guide – then careful consideration, research, and a consistent tone become paramount. This requires pausing, editing, and often seeking feedback.

The “Pause Button” is Your Friend: Before hitting “send” or “publish,” consider asking yourself:

1. Is this merely venting, or does it contribute something valuable?
2. Who is my audience, and how might they interpret this?
3. Will I still stand by these words in an hour, a day, a month?
4. Am I presenting this as an immutable truth, or as a current perspective? (Adding disclaimers like “My current thinking on this is…” can be incredibly helpful).

Ultimately, our opinions should change. It’s a sign of a vibrant, engaged mind. The goal isn’t to suppress our immediate thoughts, but to develop the wisdom to know when to share them raw, when to refine them, and when to keep them for personal reflection.

The most compelling writing often comes from those who are brave enough to share their authenticity, but wise enough to wield their words with care.

---

What are your thoughts on this? Do you lean towards immediate expression or careful deliberation? Share your perspectives in the comments below!

Day 303

Writing what we think

…

The Unfiltered Mind: Should We Always Write What We Think, Right Now?

We’ve all been there: a thought flares up, an emotion surges, an opinion crystallises in our minds, and the immediate urge is to put it into words. Whether it’s a social media post, a blog entry, or even just an email, the impulse to share what’s on our minds at that very moment can be incredibly powerful.

But should we always succumb to this impulse? And should we worry that our opinions might change, making our current unfiltered thoughts seem inconsistent or even naive in the future? Let’s dive into the fascinating tightrope walk between immediate expression and thoughtful deliberation.

The Immediate Appeal: Pros of Writing What’s On Your Mind Right Now

There’s a lot to be said for capturing the raw, unfiltered essence of your current thoughts and feelings:

1. Authenticity and Relatability: When you write from the heart, in the moment, it often resonates deeply with others. It’s raw, it’s real, and it allows readers to connect with your humanity, vulnerabilities, and genuine excitement or frustration.
2. Capturing a Fleeting Moment: Our perspectives are dynamic. Writing what’s on your mind right now captures a snapshot of a specific time, place, and emotional state. This can be invaluable for creative writing, journaling, or even historical documentation of your own growth.
3. Catharsis and Clarity: For the writer, the act of dumping thoughts onto a page can be incredibly therapeutic. It helps process emotions, organise jumbled ideas, and can even lead to unexpected insights. It’s like talking it out, but with the permanence of the written word.
4. Sparking Genuine Discussion: Unfiltered thoughts, especially when they challenge norms or express strong emotions, often ignite more passionate and honest conversations. They create a starting point that feels lived-in, rather than perfectly curated.
5. Unleashing Creativity: Sometimes, the best ideas come from letting our minds wander and capturing those initial sparks before they fade. Overthinking can stifle creativity; immediate expression can unleash it.

The Perils of Impulsivity: Cons of Writing What’s On Your Mind Right Now

However, the “publish now, think later” approach comes with its own set of significant risks:

1. Regret and Irreversibility: Words, once written and especially once published, can be incredibly difficult to retract. A hastily written thought might cause offence, damage a reputation, or simply be something you deeply regret having shared once the initial emotion has passed.
2. Lack of Nuance and Context: Immediate thoughts are often driven by strong emotions and may lack the necessary context, research, or empathy that a more considered piece would have. This can lead to misinterpretation, oversimplification, or even spreading misinformation.
3. Inconsistency and Perceived Fickleness: If your opinions are constantly shifting (which is natural!), a steady stream of “in-the-moment” posts might make you appear inconsistent, unreliable, or not fully committed to any particular stance.
4. Emotional Overload for the Audience: While authenticity is good, a constant stream of highly charged, unfiltered emotions might be overwhelming or even off-putting for your audience. There’s a fine line between relatable vulnerability and incessant venting.
5. Digital Footprints: Everything you write online leaves a digital footprint. An opinion expressed in a moment of anger or naivete could resurface years later and impact your professional or personal life in unforeseen ways.

Should We Worry About Our Opinions Changing?

This brings us to the crucial question: should the fact that our opinions might change deter us from expressing what we feel at a particular time?

Absolutely not. To worry about opinion change is to worry about growth.

Our opinions are not static monuments; they are living, breathing entities that evolve with new information, experiences, and reflections. To pretend otherwise is to deny our own human capacity for learning and adaptation.

• Embrace the Journey: Your past opinions are part of your journey. They show where you’ve been, what you’ve learned, and how you’ve grown. There’s power in being able to say, “This is what I believed then, and here’s how my perspective has shifted and why.”
• Context is Key: The key isn’t to never express a current thought, but to understand the context. If you’re writing a personal blog or journal, documenting your evolving thoughts is a feature, not a bug. If you’re writing a manifesto for a political party, perhaps a more measured and consistent tone is expected.
• Transparency Builds Trust: Being transparent about your evolving views can actually build trust with your audience. It shows vulnerability and intellectual honesty, demonstrating that you’re open to new ideas and capable of critical self-reflection.

Finding the Balance: Fleeting Feelings vs. A Set Tone

The true art of writing lies in finding the balance between these two poles:

• For Fleeting Feelings: Use platforms and formats that allow for ephemerality and personal reflection. Your private journal, a “thoughts-of-the-day” section on a blog, creative writing, or even temporary social media stories are perfect for capturing the moment without the pressure of eternal consistency.
• For a Set Tone or Attitude: When your writing has a specific purpose – building a brand, advocating for a cause, informing a professional audience, writing a definitive guide – then careful consideration, research, and a consistent tone become paramount. This requires pausing, editing, and often seeking feedback.

The “Pause Button” is Your Friend: Before hitting “send” or “publish,” consider asking yourself:

1. Is this merely venting, or does it contribute something valuable?
2. Who is my audience, and how might they interpret this?
3. Will I still stand by these words in an hour, a day, a month?
4. Am I presenting this as an immutable truth, or as a current perspective? (Adding disclaimers like “My current thinking on this is…” can be incredibly helpful).

Ultimately, our opinions should change. It’s a sign of a vibrant, engaged mind. The goal isn’t to suppress our immediate thoughts, but to develop the wisdom to know when to share them raw, when to refine them, and when to keep them for personal reflection.

The most compelling writing often comes from those who are brave enough to share their authenticity, but wise enough to wield their words with care.

---

What are your thoughts on this? Do you lean towards immediate expression or careful deliberation? Share your perspectives in the comments below!

Day 302

The Accuracy of Non-fiction

…

The Unbreakable Vow: How Accurate Must Non-Fiction Really Be?

The Ethical Tightrope Walk of the Storyteller

In an age where information is constantly challenged and fact-checking seems like a lost art, the role of the non-fiction writer has never been more vital—or more scrutinised. When a reader picks up a memoir, a history book, or a piece of investigative journalism, they enter into a sacred contract with the author.

That contract is simple: This is the truth.

But how absolute is that requirement? Writing, after all, is an art form, not a police report. Where does artistic license end, and fabrication begin? And what happens when a writer breaks the cardinal vow of non-fiction?

---

1. The Currency of Trust: Defining Accuracy

Non-fiction is built on trust. Unlike the novelist, whose power lies in invention, the non-fiction writer’s power rests entirely on verifiability.

The Standard is Rigour

For true accuracy, a writer must adhere to several key principles:

• Verifiability: All key facts, dates, events, and quotes must be traceable to reliable sources (documents, interviews, established historical record).
• Contextual Honesty: Presenting a fact accurately is not enough; it must be presented within its proper context. Omitting crucial context can turn a truth into a lie of implication.
• Due Diligence: The writer has an ethical obligation to actively seek out and include information that might contradict their central thesis, rather than cherry-picking facts that bolster their argument.

The Grey Area: When Narrative Needs Taming

The truth is often messy, disorganised, and tedious. To shape a compelling narrative, even the most rigorous writer must perform certain operations that skirt the edges of pure objectivity:

• Composite Characters: Combining minor, unnamed figures into one character for the sake of narrative flow (e.g., “a nurse” who represents three different nurses the author spoke to). Ethical Boundary: This is acceptable only if the composite character does not perform actions that never happened or fundamentally alter the setting or plot.
• Dialogue Recreation: Human memory is imperfect. Few people remember the exact wording from conversations years ago. Writers often recreate dialogue based on notes, journals, or the known speaking style of the person. Ethical Boundary: The reconstructed dialogue must faithfully reflect the actual intent and meaning of the original exchange.
• Compression of Time: Events that occurred over weeks may be described as happening over a day to maintain momentum. Ethical Boundary: This cannot mislead the reader about cause and effect.

In essence, the rule for navigating the gray area is this: You can compress, simplify, or rephrase, but you cannot introduce invention. If the event, the essential characters, or the core outcome did not happen or exist, you have crossed into fiction.

---

2. The Cardinal Sin: Fabrication and Lying

Fabricating material in non-fiction is not merely a mistake; it is an act of fraud.

A writer lies when they invent interviews, invent sources, invent data, or fundamentally alter the outcome of a factual event simply to make the story “better.”

The motivation for lying is almost always narrative convenience—the truth wasn’t exciting enough, complete enough, or emotionally satisfying. This choice, driven by desperation or arrogance, guarantees catastrophic consequences.

---

3. The Scorched-Earth Consequences of Lying

The consequences for writers who fabricate or lie about non-fiction material are swift, catastrophic, and often permanent. They touch every aspect of the writer’s professional and personal life.

A. Reputational Death

For a non-fiction writer, reputation is their lifeblood. Once fabrication is discovered, the writer is professionally toxic.

• Loss of Credibility: A single lie taints every word the writer has ever published and ever will publish. The reader instantly wonders, “If they lied about this date, did they lie about the entire premise?”
• Ostracization: Publishers, editors, journalists, and academic institutions will severely limit or cease association with the writer. The writer is no longer a professional peer; they are a liability.
• The Loss of the Subject: If the work was a biography or history, the writer loses the ability to access primary sources or interview subjects, as no one will risk having their story distorted again.

B. Financial and Legal Ruin

Fabrication often leads to substantial financial and legal actions:

• Book Recalls and Returns: Publishers are often forced to recall and pulp thousands of copies, costing millions. Royalties are stopped immediately, and the author may be required to pay back advances (a “clawback”) based on breach of contract.
• Lawsuits: If the fabricated material slanders or libels a real person, or invades privacy, the author and publisher face costly civil lawsuits. This is especially true in memoirs, where the writer has misrepresented the actions or character of family members or acquaintances.

C. The Death of the Work

When fabrication is exposed, the work itself ceases to be viewed as literature or history; it becomes a footnote in the history of literary scandal.

• Academic institutions remove the book from reading lists.
• Awards won by the book are often revoked.
• The work, no matter how engaging the fictional elements were, loses its cultural permanence because its foundation is rotten.

The Example of Literary Hoaxes

History is littered with examples of celebrated non-fiction—particularly memoirs—that were revealed to be frauds. These incidents rarely end with the writer receiving a slap on the wrist. They often involve public confession, professional exile, and a permanent asterisk next to their name in literary history. The narrative satisfaction gained by lying is never worth the loss of an entire career.

---

The Ultimate Responsibility

The job of the non-fiction writer is the challenging, often frustrating, task of wrestling the truth into a readable shape. It means accepting that sometimes, the real story is incomplete, ambiguous, or less dramatic than we might wish.

The commitment to accuracy is not just an ethical preference; it is the scaffolding upon which the entire genre is built. When we pick up a pen or open a keyboard to write non-fiction, we make an unbreakable vow to the reader to stay true to the facts, not because it’s easy, but because the alternative is professional and sometimes personal extinction.

The truth may be messy, but in non-fiction, it is the only story that matters.

Day 302

The Accuracy of Non-fiction

…

The Unbreakable Vow: How Accurate Must Non-Fiction Really Be?

The Ethical Tightrope Walk of the Storyteller

In an age where information is constantly challenged and fact-checking seems like a lost art, the role of the non-fiction writer has never been more vital—or more scrutinised. When a reader picks up a memoir, a history book, or a piece of investigative journalism, they enter into a sacred contract with the author.

That contract is simple: This is the truth.

But how absolute is that requirement? Writing, after all, is an art form, not a police report. Where does artistic license end, and fabrication begin? And what happens when a writer breaks the cardinal vow of non-fiction?

---

1. The Currency of Trust: Defining Accuracy

Non-fiction is built on trust. Unlike the novelist, whose power lies in invention, the non-fiction writer’s power rests entirely on verifiability.

The Standard is Rigour

For true accuracy, a writer must adhere to several key principles:

• Verifiability: All key facts, dates, events, and quotes must be traceable to reliable sources (documents, interviews, established historical record).
• Contextual Honesty: Presenting a fact accurately is not enough; it must be presented within its proper context. Omitting crucial context can turn a truth into a lie of implication.
• Due Diligence: The writer has an ethical obligation to actively seek out and include information that might contradict their central thesis, rather than cherry-picking facts that bolster their argument.

The Grey Area: When Narrative Needs Taming

The truth is often messy, disorganised, and tedious. To shape a compelling narrative, even the most rigorous writer must perform certain operations that skirt the edges of pure objectivity:

• Composite Characters: Combining minor, unnamed figures into one character for the sake of narrative flow (e.g., “a nurse” who represents three different nurses the author spoke to). Ethical Boundary: This is acceptable only if the composite character does not perform actions that never happened or fundamentally alter the setting or plot.
• Dialogue Recreation: Human memory is imperfect. Few people remember the exact wording from conversations years ago. Writers often recreate dialogue based on notes, journals, or the known speaking style of the person. Ethical Boundary: The reconstructed dialogue must faithfully reflect the actual intent and meaning of the original exchange.
• Compression of Time: Events that occurred over weeks may be described as happening over a day to maintain momentum. Ethical Boundary: This cannot mislead the reader about cause and effect.

In essence, the rule for navigating the gray area is this: You can compress, simplify, or rephrase, but you cannot introduce invention. If the event, the essential characters, or the core outcome did not happen or exist, you have crossed into fiction.

---

2. The Cardinal Sin: Fabrication and Lying

Fabricating material in non-fiction is not merely a mistake; it is an act of fraud.

A writer lies when they invent interviews, invent sources, invent data, or fundamentally alter the outcome of a factual event simply to make the story “better.”

The motivation for lying is almost always narrative convenience—the truth wasn’t exciting enough, complete enough, or emotionally satisfying. This choice, driven by desperation or arrogance, guarantees catastrophic consequences.

---

3. The Scorched-Earth Consequences of Lying

The consequences for writers who fabricate or lie about non-fiction material are swift, catastrophic, and often permanent. They touch every aspect of the writer’s professional and personal life.

A. Reputational Death

For a non-fiction writer, reputation is their lifeblood. Once fabrication is discovered, the writer is professionally toxic.

• Loss of Credibility: A single lie taints every word the writer has ever published and ever will publish. The reader instantly wonders, “If they lied about this date, did they lie about the entire premise?”
• Ostracization: Publishers, editors, journalists, and academic institutions will severely limit or cease association with the writer. The writer is no longer a professional peer; they are a liability.
• The Loss of the Subject: If the work was a biography or history, the writer loses the ability to access primary sources or interview subjects, as no one will risk having their story distorted again.

B. Financial and Legal Ruin

Fabrication often leads to substantial financial and legal actions:

• Book Recalls and Returns: Publishers are often forced to recall and pulp thousands of copies, costing millions. Royalties are stopped immediately, and the author may be required to pay back advances (a “clawback”) based on breach of contract.
• Lawsuits: If the fabricated material slanders or libels a real person, or invades privacy, the author and publisher face costly civil lawsuits. This is especially true in memoirs, where the writer has misrepresented the actions or character of family members or acquaintances.

C. The Death of the Work

When fabrication is exposed, the work itself ceases to be viewed as literature or history; it becomes a footnote in the history of literary scandal.

• Academic institutions remove the book from reading lists.
• Awards won by the book are often revoked.
• The work, no matter how engaging the fictional elements were, loses its cultural permanence because its foundation is rotten.

The Example of Literary Hoaxes

History is littered with examples of celebrated non-fiction—particularly memoirs—that were revealed to be frauds. These incidents rarely end with the writer receiving a slap on the wrist. They often involve public confession, professional exile, and a permanent asterisk next to their name in literary history. The narrative satisfaction gained by lying is never worth the loss of an entire career.

---

The Ultimate Responsibility

The job of the non-fiction writer is the challenging, often frustrating, task of wrestling the truth into a readable shape. It means accepting that sometimes, the real story is incomplete, ambiguous, or less dramatic than we might wish.

The commitment to accuracy is not just an ethical preference; it is the scaffolding upon which the entire genre is built. When we pick up a pen or open a keyboard to write non-fiction, we make an unbreakable vow to the reader to stay true to the facts, not because it’s easy, but because the alternative is professional and sometimes personal extinction.

The truth may be messy, but in non-fiction, it is the only story that matters.

Day 301

Writing exercise

Spring had been just around the corner for a month, and now she was running out of excuses.

…

I knew instinctively that whatever chance I had with Genevieve was gone. I mean, it wasn’t much of a chance in the first place; I just happened to be in the right place at the right time when she rebounded from Tommy.

That had been a hard pill for her to swallow, and I’d been there to pick up the pieces. I knew then that I was a convenient shoulder to cry on, that she had always been looking for Mr Right, and I was not it. I was Mr Convenient.

It was just the thought that in our senior year, I was dating the girl every boy wanted, and I wanted to care that she had feelings for me, but my older sister, she knew exactly what sort of girl Geneveive was, and said she was going to let her break my heart, if only to learn a valuable lesson for later on in life.

I was not sure if I was going to hate her forever or thank her later.

…

Staring at her with her friends across the divide that seemed to be more like a chasm than the fifty-odd feet it was in reality, I could see the writing on the wall.

I had seen her glance over, but where there once would have been a smile or a small wave, there was nothing.  When her friends glanced over, then back it was always with a burst of laughter.

Mr Convenient had become a schmuck.

I wasn’t exactly running with the popular squad, of which Genevieve was one of the leaders, but I was useful, especially when it came to helping with homework and tutoring.

Other than that, notoriety only came with the association with Genevieve, and I was not sure why she still put in the half effort she did to keep up appearances.

“It’s time to call it, Jack.  Seriously.  I’m sure what they’re saying about you isn’t complimentary.”

Benny, who hated being called that, was the guy I vied too in the class.  He was the fully fledged nerd, far cleverer than any of us, and was off to Uni next year with a guaranteed spot waiting for him.

Mine was not so assured.

It was clear he didn’t like her; his adjectives for her included brainless, vacant-minded, and vacuous.  One particular day, he found ten ‘v’ words that were rather accurate.

“You simply don’t like her, Ben.”

“What’s there to like, Jack?  If you take away the model looks and the wow factor that any normal guy would see through in an instant, what’s left?”

I was sure there was a nice girl underneath all of that so-called wrapping. I had definitely seen it there in her most vulnerable moments, but when she got over the hurt, it had gradually disappeared.

“Whatever it is, it’ll be over soon enough.  When Berkeley asks her to the Prom and she accepts, you’ll get your wish.”

“She’s only going to hurt you.  Girls like her don’t give a damn about the likes of you or I.”

No, they didn’t, which was why I had to wonder why she had bothered in the first place.

The group fifty feet away was breaking up, and Genevieve and two of her friends, whom Ben labelled the mean girls, were left.

She turned to look over in my direction, then said something to the other two, picked up her bag, and they started walking towards us.

“Incoming…”  Ben made it sound like a wave of bombers was about to pass over.

When I looked up, she was standing in front of me, the two others strategically placed.  For what?

I was sitting on the table, and almost at eye level.

“Can you share the joke?” I asked.  My tone wasn’t exactly conciliatory, but she wouldn’t know the difference.

“What joke?”  It was her model stance, the one where she would shift from foot to foot, the one where her hair would move in such a way that she had to exaggeratedly swish it.

I looked into her eyes, and realised finally that they were like a shark’s, lifeless and predatory.  I had, in a sense, made up my mind in the time it took for her to sashay her way over, that I was done, but now the moment was here…

“As much as I don’t know about you, Gen, I know you don’t have a bad memory.”

So, I was being a little obtuse because I knew she hated being called Gen. After all, it was a Tommy endearment.

Her look went from dull to suffused anger.

“I thought…”

“You thought what Genevieve?”  I interrupted her, another thing she didn’t like.

It was watching her friends’ expressions change.  It had been contempt before, now it was bordering on astonishment.

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t use that name.”

“It’s been almost a year since he dumped you.  The name should have no significance.  Not unless you still care about him.”

I switched my glare to Harriet.  She was the definitive mean girl, living on the borrowed power from Genevieve.  She was one of those who knew which pack to run with.

“You tell me, then, since Gen has temporarily lost her memory.”

“Tell you what?”  Exasperation, a glance at Genevieve, then back, red spots appearing on her cheeks.

I took a few seconds and sighed.  Then, shaking my head, I slid off the table and grabbed my bag.

“I’m not sure what time warp all of you just came out of, but back here in the real world, friends don’t make fun of friends.”

Concern, perhaps, the mean girl mantle slipping a little.  “I don’t understand.”

“Please, Gen, let’s not go with the innocent angle.  It doesn’t become you.  Berkeley asked me what the deal was with us.  He’s a nice guy and a much better fit for you.  I told him there was nothing between us but air, Gen.  Is there?”

Ben was waiting in the wings.  If he was thrilled, I was finally called it a day; it wasn’t showing.

“I don’t get it.  What did I do?”

“Everything and nothing, Gen.  Everything and nothing.”

…

As a child, which in a sense I still was, there was a lot about the world I lived in that I knew nothing about.

Perhaps it was a failure of the education system that it didn’t teach us how we were supposed to live in a grown-up world, or perhaps they left that to the parents.

If that was the case, then just about every child would, if suddenly becoming an orphan, be totally at sea in a world they could never understand.

In my mind, that whole romance in high school thing was a mixture of intense feelings followed by considerable pain when it didn’t work out.

That was life, I’d read somewhere, the ups and downs of finding and keeping that one who should become your life partner, your best friend, and sometimes your soul mate.

Genevieve was never going to be that person.  I knew that before she stepped into my life.  He ideals were based on what she learned from her family, with a father who was up to vacuous wife number four, barely older than Genevieve.

In a day that began oddly, it was only going to get odder.

When I came home, my father was already home.  His car was in the driveway, making me think he had forgotten something he needed for work.

He was always away, so much so that I sometimes forgot I had a father.

I got as far as the first two steps on the staircase to safety when I heard him.

“Jack, spare me a few minutes, will you?”

What if I said no?  I was tempted, as much as I was, to escape by the side door.  A few minutes with him was generally about me not living up to the Whittaker way, whatever that was.

“Rather not, homework to be done.”

“That wasn’t a request.”

No, of course it wasn’t.  I should have known that not getting straight A’s for the last set of exams would elicit some sort of a response.

I shrugged and then retraced my steps to the study, which, when my father wasn’t in residence, was the library of first editions. That library was worth far more than the house.

A glance at the humidified bookcases as I passed showed no new additions.

He was standing behind his desk. “Sit.”

The chair of denouncement.  He always chose to look down on you when delivering the guilty verdict, making you feel small and squirming under the weight of the words.

“I prefer to stand.”  Eye to eye.

One of the more severe teachers at school, one whom we always believed hated his job, hated the other teachers and hated every single student, wasn’t who I thought he was.

Sent there for punishment, he stood me before him and looked me in the eyes, and asked me straight out why I shouldn’t be punished.

And I told him.  In no uncertain terms.

First kid to ever talk back to him.  I didn’t really care if he doubled it.  He didn’t.  We talked about how the world had gone to hell in a handbasket, then he sent me home, telling me that if an opponent couldn’t look you in the eyes, then he was not worth the effort.

“Genevieve Dubois?”

“Yesterday’s news.  I thought she cared about me.  She does not.”

“Not what her father tells me.  She’s under the impression she did something wrong.”

What did this have to do with anything?  When did my father give a damn about any of my romantic attachments?  His domain was making my sisters’ boyfriends shit themselves.

“If you want a list, give me a week.  You do realise her previous boyfriend was Tommy Blake.  He was more her speed.  There’s a new chap, Tommy’s clone, Berkeley.  Never get in the way of quarterbacks and Prom Queens.”

“The perils of high school, eh?”

My father had been there star quarterback for the school in his day, and my mother the prom queen.  Those days were long gone, but both apparently made a hit at the last reunion.  I saw the original prom photos, and she was every bit Genevieve, and yet nothing like her.”

“Different to your days, I’m afraid.  You want me to get an education, live up to the Whittaker ideals, then there isn’t time for girls like Genevieve.”

“Do you like her?”

Odd question.  Why would he care?  “I always have, since the first day I saw her.  But I also knew that she would never care for me in the same way.”

“And for the last year?”

How did he know any of this?  He was never home, and never asked, just yelled at me over slipping grades.

“I was a convenient shoulder to cry on while she assessed the boys for her next target.  I was the safest option.  She’s got over the hurt and she’s ready to move on.  I simply gave her permission.  What the hell is this all about?”

“Appearances.  Something you will never understand.  The two of you together … had a purpose.”

“Not for me.  To her, I’m an object of ridicule.  I’m done with her.”

He sighed.  There was more to this story, and if he was going to tell me, he’d decided against it.

“Give it some consideration, Jack.  I’m sure she’s not as bad as you think she is.”

I shrugged.  “As you wish.”

…

I usually left my cell phone off after six because it was only a distraction.  Sometimes I would leave it on to see if Genevieve would call, but she had better things to do, like the proverbial ‘wash her hair’ excuse.

She called on the beginning before the familiarity breeds contempt phase.

Today I left it on, and, predictably, Genevieve called.  It was short, meet her at the bandstand in the park.

It was, if anything, a set-up.  That’s how much I thought of her, which sadly wasn’t how I wanted to think of her.

A set-up for what, though?

These days, all the messaging we got was not to go out alone and certainly not to public places like the park at night.  There had been incidents, but not for a while.  The new sheriff was all about law and order and was as good as his word.

Just the same, I took precautions, but astonishingly, she was alone, waiting. 

Contrary to any other time I had seen her, she had dressed in a manner that I preferred, without looking half-naked and painted like a harlot.  It was an awful comparison to make, but she was not the only girl in that category.  But the one major difference, her hair.  It was messy and unkempt.

This version of Genevieve was totally out of character, like it was her sister, not her.  It was remarkable how the two looked so alike despite the two-year age difference.

I stood at the top of the steps, keeping a distance between us.  I could also monitor any movement in any direction.

“You came,” was all she said.

“You asked politely.”

“You said you were done with me.”

In not as many words, but yes.  “Don’t act surprised.  I ask a question and you ignore it.  I have two eyes, Genevieve.”

“Appearances can be deceptive.”

“In more ways than one.  I’ve always known who and what you are, and always hoped that would change; that I might have some effect on you.  People do when they’re together over time.  Most people.”

She hadn’t become less vacuous, just learned to hide it well in my company.  But I had seen her out and about when she hadn’t known I was there, and whatever I saw, it was just an act.

“I’ve changed.”

“With whom?  Did you switch places with your sister to try and fool me?” It was harsh and uncalled for, but I was angry.

“Do you hate me that much?” Tears.  I knew there was going to be tears.

“I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. But I don’t think you know or will know how to reciprocate that love.  It’s just not in you.”

She didn’t answer.  Instead, she used a tissue to wipe away the tears.

My father’s words were still ringing in my ears, that there was a purpose.  What purpose.  What could he need for Genevieve and me to be together?

“What’s this really about.  I get home, and my father is there.   He’s never there.  And worse, he’s asking me about us.  He’s never, ever, ever cared about anything I do except when my grades slip to an A minus.  In any other universe, you and I would be a world apart.”

“My father spoke to me, too, or, rather, he yelled a lot. He’s never done that. We are both in a different universe, as you put it. But he was right about one thing. You put up with me when I was a miserable bitch, and very few people would. My mother certainly wasn’t any help, not that she’s much older than me. God, I hate my father, because my real mother won’t have anything to do with me. I remind her of him, and so she hates me, so I had only your shoulder to cry on.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” It was a sad story, and it was making me feel bad, but I had to be unwavering. She was still the same manipulative leader of that pack of mean girls.

“No. It’s just how it is.”

“What about Berkeley. I saw you talking to him. He has to be happy you’re free now?”

“He is, but I read between the lines. I’m simply a challenge and a ticket to Prom King.”

“Give it to him. I don’t want to be King; in fact, I’m not going.” Or did I just work out what my father’s subtext was all about?

“Like me, you won’t have a choice. I told Berkeley he can be friends, but he isn’t going to be the King. You are whether you like it or not. Between the two of our fathers, both vying to be the school’s principal benefactor for this year, we got caught in the crossfire. I overheard my dad talking, well, yelling, at your father.”

Of course, I should have seen the signs. Elections for public office, nothing sticks in the minds of the voters than a large donation, and there were solid rumours about a school stadium for the basketball team. We had a good team, and a bad stadium.

I sighed. Nothing was ever going to be straightforward.

“So what’s the deal?”

“Do you have to make it sound like a transaction?”

“You don’t care about me, so what’s the difference?”

“What if I said I did?”

“I’d say I’d just stepped into whatever unreal universe you’re in.”

“Well, I guess I have about a month to prove the impossible. You could have come, told me where to go, and left but you didn’t. Instead, we had the talk we should have had six months ago, and I now know how much of the mountain I have to climb. To you, impossible; to me, improbable. Now, come over here and sit, and if you’re nice to me, I’ll share what’s in this picnic basket.”

I sighed, for about the tenth time in five minutes. What harm could it do?

….

©  Charles Heath  2025

Day 301

Writing exercise

Spring had been just around the corner for a month, and now she was running out of excuses.

…

I knew instinctively that whatever chance I had with Genevieve was gone. I mean, it wasn’t much of a chance in the first place; I just happened to be in the right place at the right time when she rebounded from Tommy.

That had been a hard pill for her to swallow, and I’d been there to pick up the pieces. I knew then that I was a convenient shoulder to cry on, that she had always been looking for Mr Right, and I was not it. I was Mr Convenient.

It was just the thought that in our senior year, I was dating the girl every boy wanted, and I wanted to care that she had feelings for me, but my older sister, she knew exactly what sort of girl Geneveive was, and said she was going to let her break my heart, if only to learn a valuable lesson for later on in life.

I was not sure if I was going to hate her forever or thank her later.

…

Staring at her with her friends across the divide that seemed to be more like a chasm than the fifty-odd feet it was in reality, I could see the writing on the wall.

I had seen her glance over, but where there once would have been a smile or a small wave, there was nothing.  When her friends glanced over, then back it was always with a burst of laughter.

Mr Convenient had become a schmuck.

I wasn’t exactly running with the popular squad, of which Genevieve was one of the leaders, but I was useful, especially when it came to helping with homework and tutoring.

Other than that, notoriety only came with the association with Genevieve, and I was not sure why she still put in the half effort she did to keep up appearances.

“It’s time to call it, Jack.  Seriously.  I’m sure what they’re saying about you isn’t complimentary.”

Benny, who hated being called that, was the guy I vied too in the class.  He was the fully fledged nerd, far cleverer than any of us, and was off to Uni next year with a guaranteed spot waiting for him.

Mine was not so assured.

It was clear he didn’t like her; his adjectives for her included brainless, vacant-minded, and vacuous.  One particular day, he found ten ‘v’ words that were rather accurate.

“You simply don’t like her, Ben.”

“What’s there to like, Jack?  If you take away the model looks and the wow factor that any normal guy would see through in an instant, what’s left?”

I was sure there was a nice girl underneath all of that so-called wrapping. I had definitely seen it there in her most vulnerable moments, but when she got over the hurt, it had gradually disappeared.

“Whatever it is, it’ll be over soon enough.  When Berkeley asks her to the Prom and she accepts, you’ll get your wish.”

“She’s only going to hurt you.  Girls like her don’t give a damn about the likes of you or I.”

No, they didn’t, which was why I had to wonder why she had bothered in the first place.

The group fifty feet away was breaking up, and Genevieve and two of her friends, whom Ben labelled the mean girls, were left.

She turned to look over in my direction, then said something to the other two, picked up her bag, and they started walking towards us.

“Incoming…”  Ben made it sound like a wave of bombers was about to pass over.

When I looked up, she was standing in front of me, the two others strategically placed.  For what?

I was sitting on the table, and almost at eye level.

“Can you share the joke?” I asked.  My tone wasn’t exactly conciliatory, but she wouldn’t know the difference.

“What joke?”  It was her model stance, the one where she would shift from foot to foot, the one where her hair would move in such a way that she had to exaggeratedly swish it.

I looked into her eyes, and realised finally that they were like a shark’s, lifeless and predatory.  I had, in a sense, made up my mind in the time it took for her to sashay her way over, that I was done, but now the moment was here…

“As much as I don’t know about you, Gen, I know you don’t have a bad memory.”

So, I was being a little obtuse because I knew she hated being called Gen. After all, it was a Tommy endearment.

Her look went from dull to suffused anger.

“I thought…”

“You thought what Genevieve?”  I interrupted her, another thing she didn’t like.

It was watching her friends’ expressions change.  It had been contempt before, now it was bordering on astonishment.

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t use that name.”

“It’s been almost a year since he dumped you.  The name should have no significance.  Not unless you still care about him.”

I switched my glare to Harriet.  She was the definitive mean girl, living on the borrowed power from Genevieve.  She was one of those who knew which pack to run with.

“You tell me, then, since Gen has temporarily lost her memory.”

“Tell you what?”  Exasperation, a glance at Genevieve, then back, red spots appearing on her cheeks.

I took a few seconds and sighed.  Then, shaking my head, I slid off the table and grabbed my bag.

“I’m not sure what time warp all of you just came out of, but back here in the real world, friends don’t make fun of friends.”

Concern, perhaps, the mean girl mantle slipping a little.  “I don’t understand.”

“Please, Gen, let’s not go with the innocent angle.  It doesn’t become you.  Berkeley asked me what the deal was with us.  He’s a nice guy and a much better fit for you.  I told him there was nothing between us but air, Gen.  Is there?”

Ben was waiting in the wings.  If he was thrilled, I was finally called it a day; it wasn’t showing.

“I don’t get it.  What did I do?”

“Everything and nothing, Gen.  Everything and nothing.”

…

As a child, which in a sense I still was, there was a lot about the world I lived in that I knew nothing about.

Perhaps it was a failure of the education system that it didn’t teach us how we were supposed to live in a grown-up world, or perhaps they left that to the parents.

If that was the case, then just about every child would, if suddenly becoming an orphan, be totally at sea in a world they could never understand.

In my mind, that whole romance in high school thing was a mixture of intense feelings followed by considerable pain when it didn’t work out.

That was life, I’d read somewhere, the ups and downs of finding and keeping that one who should become your life partner, your best friend, and sometimes your soul mate.

Genevieve was never going to be that person.  I knew that before she stepped into my life.  He ideals were based on what she learned from her family, with a father who was up to vacuous wife number four, barely older than Genevieve.

In a day that began oddly, it was only going to get odder.

When I came home, my father was already home.  His car was in the driveway, making me think he had forgotten something he needed for work.

He was always away, so much so that I sometimes forgot I had a father.

I got as far as the first two steps on the staircase to safety when I heard him.

“Jack, spare me a few minutes, will you?”

What if I said no?  I was tempted, as much as I was, to escape by the side door.  A few minutes with him was generally about me not living up to the Whittaker way, whatever that was.

“Rather not, homework to be done.”

“That wasn’t a request.”

No, of course it wasn’t.  I should have known that not getting straight A’s for the last set of exams would elicit some sort of a response.

I shrugged and then retraced my steps to the study, which, when my father wasn’t in residence, was the library of first editions. That library was worth far more than the house.

A glance at the humidified bookcases as I passed showed no new additions.

He was standing behind his desk. “Sit.”

The chair of denouncement.  He always chose to look down on you when delivering the guilty verdict, making you feel small and squirming under the weight of the words.

“I prefer to stand.”  Eye to eye.

One of the more severe teachers at school, one whom we always believed hated his job, hated the other teachers and hated every single student, wasn’t who I thought he was.

Sent there for punishment, he stood me before him and looked me in the eyes, and asked me straight out why I shouldn’t be punished.

And I told him.  In no uncertain terms.

First kid to ever talk back to him.  I didn’t really care if he doubled it.  He didn’t.  We talked about how the world had gone to hell in a handbasket, then he sent me home, telling me that if an opponent couldn’t look you in the eyes, then he was not worth the effort.

“Genevieve Dubois?”

“Yesterday’s news.  I thought she cared about me.  She does not.”

“Not what her father tells me.  She’s under the impression she did something wrong.”

What did this have to do with anything?  When did my father give a damn about any of my romantic attachments?  His domain was making my sisters’ boyfriends shit themselves.

“If you want a list, give me a week.  You do realise her previous boyfriend was Tommy Blake.  He was more her speed.  There’s a new chap, Tommy’s clone, Berkeley.  Never get in the way of quarterbacks and Prom Queens.”

“The perils of high school, eh?”

My father had been there star quarterback for the school in his day, and my mother the prom queen.  Those days were long gone, but both apparently made a hit at the last reunion.  I saw the original prom photos, and she was every bit Genevieve, and yet nothing like her.”

“Different to your days, I’m afraid.  You want me to get an education, live up to the Whittaker ideals, then there isn’t time for girls like Genevieve.”

“Do you like her?”

Odd question.  Why would he care?  “I always have, since the first day I saw her.  But I also knew that she would never care for me in the same way.”

“And for the last year?”

How did he know any of this?  He was never home, and never asked, just yelled at me over slipping grades.

“I was a convenient shoulder to cry on while she assessed the boys for her next target.  I was the safest option.  She’s got over the hurt and she’s ready to move on.  I simply gave her permission.  What the hell is this all about?”

“Appearances.  Something you will never understand.  The two of you together … had a purpose.”

“Not for me.  To her, I’m an object of ridicule.  I’m done with her.”

He sighed.  There was more to this story, and if he was going to tell me, he’d decided against it.

“Give it some consideration, Jack.  I’m sure she’s not as bad as you think she is.”

I shrugged.  “As you wish.”

…

I usually left my cell phone off after six because it was only a distraction.  Sometimes I would leave it on to see if Genevieve would call, but she had better things to do, like the proverbial ‘wash her hair’ excuse.

She called on the beginning before the familiarity breeds contempt phase.

Today I left it on, and, predictably, Genevieve called.  It was short, meet her at the bandstand in the park.

It was, if anything, a set-up.  That’s how much I thought of her, which sadly wasn’t how I wanted to think of her.

A set-up for what, though?

These days, all the messaging we got was not to go out alone and certainly not to public places like the park at night.  There had been incidents, but not for a while.  The new sheriff was all about law and order and was as good as his word.

Just the same, I took precautions, but astonishingly, she was alone, waiting. 

Contrary to any other time I had seen her, she had dressed in a manner that I preferred, without looking half-naked and painted like a harlot.  It was an awful comparison to make, but she was not the only girl in that category.  But the one major difference, her hair.  It was messy and unkempt.

This version of Genevieve was totally out of character, like it was her sister, not her.  It was remarkable how the two looked so alike despite the two-year age difference.

I stood at the top of the steps, keeping a distance between us.  I could also monitor any movement in any direction.

“You came,” was all she said.

“You asked politely.”

“You said you were done with me.”

In not as many words, but yes.  “Don’t act surprised.  I ask a question and you ignore it.  I have two eyes, Genevieve.”

“Appearances can be deceptive.”

“In more ways than one.  I’ve always known who and what you are, and always hoped that would change; that I might have some effect on you.  People do when they’re together over time.  Most people.”

She hadn’t become less vacuous, just learned to hide it well in my company.  But I had seen her out and about when she hadn’t known I was there, and whatever I saw, it was just an act.

“I’ve changed.”

“With whom?  Did you switch places with your sister to try and fool me?” It was harsh and uncalled for, but I was angry.

“Do you hate me that much?” Tears.  I knew there was going to be tears.

“I don’t hate you, I could never hate you. But I don’t think you know or will know how to reciprocate that love.  It’s just not in you.”

She didn’t answer.  Instead, she used a tissue to wipe away the tears.

My father’s words were still ringing in my ears, that there was a purpose.  What purpose.  What could he need for Genevieve and me to be together?

“What’s this really about.  I get home, and my father is there.   He’s never there.  And worse, he’s asking me about us.  He’s never, ever, ever cared about anything I do except when my grades slip to an A minus.  In any other universe, you and I would be a world apart.”

“My father spoke to me, too, or, rather, he yelled a lot. He’s never done that. We are both in a different universe, as you put it. But he was right about one thing. You put up with me when I was a miserable bitch, and very few people would. My mother certainly wasn’t any help, not that she’s much older than me. God, I hate my father, because my real mother won’t have anything to do with me. I remind her of him, and so she hates me, so I had only your shoulder to cry on.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” It was a sad story, and it was making me feel bad, but I had to be unwavering. She was still the same manipulative leader of that pack of mean girls.

“No. It’s just how it is.”

“What about Berkeley. I saw you talking to him. He has to be happy you’re free now?”

“He is, but I read between the lines. I’m simply a challenge and a ticket to Prom King.”

“Give it to him. I don’t want to be King; in fact, I’m not going.” Or did I just work out what my father’s subtext was all about?

“Like me, you won’t have a choice. I told Berkeley he can be friends, but he isn’t going to be the King. You are whether you like it or not. Between the two of our fathers, both vying to be the school’s principal benefactor for this year, we got caught in the crossfire. I overheard my dad talking, well, yelling, at your father.”

Of course, I should have seen the signs. Elections for public office, nothing sticks in the minds of the voters than a large donation, and there were solid rumours about a school stadium for the basketball team. We had a good team, and a bad stadium.

I sighed. Nothing was ever going to be straightforward.

“So what’s the deal?”

“Do you have to make it sound like a transaction?”

“You don’t care about me, so what’s the difference?”

“What if I said I did?”

“I’d say I’d just stepped into whatever unreal universe you’re in.”

“Well, I guess I have about a month to prove the impossible. You could have come, told me where to go, and left but you didn’t. Instead, we had the talk we should have had six months ago, and I now know how much of the mountain I have to climb. To you, impossible; to me, improbable. Now, come over here and sit, and if you’re nice to me, I’ll share what’s in this picnic basket.”

I sighed, for about the tenth time in five minutes. What harm could it do?

….

©  Charles Heath  2025