What I learned about writing – Where does time go?

When has time gone?  I mean, just yesterday it felt like the start of a new year, and all those projects I had lined up are still on paper, somewhere.

Does anyone else over sixty-five get the feeling time is speeding up rather than slowing down?  It sounds weird, doesn’t it, that as you slow down as old age approaches, time goes faster, and those things you wanted to get done seem further away.  I’m 72 this year, and it feels like I only turned 65 a year ago!

When you’re young, it always seems like you will have all the time in the world, and that seems to play out over the first forty or fifty years, while you’re putting this off, putting that off, while all the little details of life take more and more of your time.

And there’s that one huge thing that hangs over your head, the fact that you might never get to that time when you said you would have time for it.  People are dying younger again, of stress, bad habits and overexercising.

I’ll never be guilty of the last once.  It’ll probably be bad habits, something we are all guilty of.

That’s also a reason why I don’t have New Year’s resolutions, and I try not to make plans for anything too far ahead.

It’s also the reason why we decided to travel and do all those things people say they’re going to do when they retire, only to discover they can’t for one reason or another, or they just simply died.

Stopping work after being so wrapped up in it can kill you, and it’s not beyond the realms of possibility that you can quite literally die of boredom.

It’s why I write.  Keeps the mind active, gives me something to do, and believe me, when I’m writing, I’m never bored, and it’s a perfect fit between bouts of being a grandfather, a taxi service, and doing everything else that needs a not-so-handy handyman.

Time literally flying by is the same reason why my granddaughters have grown so much, because it seems like it was only yesterday, they were babies, and now the eldest is 22.  When did she get so grown-up?

Oh, well, back to childminding duties.  It’s the school holidays and tomorrow we’re off to travel down ‘the coast’, which is most ubiquitously called the Gold Coast or otherwise known as Surfer’s Paradise.  It’s glitzy, has a dark side, and always looks shiny until the sun goes down.  We go there during the day.  Tomorrow will be the first time in over a year.

If we can get the kids off their computers and smartphones.

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 244

Day 244 – Writing exercise

…

Life is a paradox.

You think that everything is great, that after all the drama, mishaps and disasters that were sent to try you were defeated, one by one, that the universe had finally decided you deserved a life together.

God knows we had been on the verge of going our separate ways more times than I could count.

But we were there.

Amelia had planned a dinner for two in the swankiest restaurant in the city, and I had just got changed at work and about to catch a cab.

Amelia was driving in from the suburbs, and we would be staying in an equally swank hotel for the weekend.

It was a plan we had made the day before our wedding, to do exactly one year after, on our first anniversary.

Today marked our fifth.

Just as I told the cabbie the address, my cell phone rang.

‘Private Number’

I was going to ignore it, but a strange sensation ran through me, the like of which I’d never felt before.

“Hello?”

“Is that Allen Jamieson?”

“Yes.”  Tentative.  A spear of pain ran through my heart, and I braced myself.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

That was the ‘Oh God’ moment, and I could feel my world slipping out from under me.

“Your wife, Amelia, has been in a serious car accident.  She has been taken to hospital.  I suggest you get there as soon as possible.”

At the word ‘accident,’ I think I stopped thinking.

He gave the address, I thanked him, and that was it.  Seconds later he tested the address, knowing that I wouldn’t remember a word he said, except that one word, ‘accident’.

…

I arrived in a daze, sick with worry, thinking that I was too late, that the light of my life had been extinguished.

After everything else …

I made myself known at the front desk, and within a minute a nurse came to take me to her. 

She was in the emergency room; just arrived, and yes, still alive but barely.  The nurse didn’t say she was hanging by a thread, but I read between the lines.

We burst into chaos.  Apparently she was not the only victim of what had been a minor earth tremor that had brought down an overpass. 

From the front counter to the ER, I got the disjointed details:  a hundred cars and five buses, most crushed, and Amelia was one of five who survived.  I did not hear how many didn’t.

I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to see, and when the nurse pulled back the curtain, I simply fainted.

…

When I recovered, smelling salts were horrible, and I awoke confused.  I was outside her cubicle, but it was now empty. 

Another nurse was saying that she had been taken to the OR for emergency surgery, and in my mind I could see the bloodied and broken piece of what was, as early as that morning, a beautiful and graceful woman who had survived everything that could be thrown at her.

Now?

If she died, I had not taken the chance to tell her everything I wanted to.  In that moment, I had not been strong – the man she needed to be by her side when it mattered the most.

Now, all I could do was wait.

…

Twelve hours.

Twelve hours during which I could not sleep, could not rest, got up, walked around, sat down, conversed with other family members of other victims who were equally as stultified as I was at the horrendudness of what had happened.

The news coverage was on the whole time, covering the disaster, the death toll in the hundreds, the rescue attempts, the survivors.  I saw the car Amelia had been in, and how she survived was a miracle.

Then the news turned dark: a panel of experts dissecting the disaster, and the revelation that the contractors who built the flyover had scrimped on materials and, had it been built properly, it might not have happened.

Not helping.

Searching for someone to blame would never help the victims or the loved ones who lost them.

One by one, the family members left.  Most of their loved ones died on the operating table.  Three had not.  Relief could be measured, and it could be felt.

Twelve hours.

It was my turn.

The doctor, or one of them, came out, a white coat over bloodied scrubs.  Straight from the fires of hell.

“She is a survivor,” was the first thing he said, with just a touch of admiration in his tone.  “We repaired the body; it will heal in time with few aftereffects.  Her mind, that’s a different matter.  We repaired the damage, but we cannot be sure what functions may or may not return.  She will be herself, the woman you know.  She just may not remember who you are, or who she is.  It is usually only temporary, but…”

It was enough.  God had found a new way to tear us apart.  It was just another hurdle, one that may take a little time to get over.

And, for Amelia, I had all the time in the world

…

Five months.

Nearly half a year, and every day I sat in her room, a bright sunny aspect looking over the gardens which, even for late autumn, still looked delightful.

The external and internal injuries had recovered. Her arms healed, her legs healed, and all we could do was wait to see if her head healed.  Looking at her, except for a few scars, she looked the same Amelia as she had before the accident.

I came in, sat down, said my piece about everything going on around us, and then read from the classics.  Sometimes in English, sometimes in Greek or Italian or Latin.

I told her all about Latin and the fact it was not a dead language.   She would have agreed with me.  If we wanted to say something and not have people around us understand, we’d speak in Latin.

It was about three in the afternoon. 

Birds were tweeting outside.  The sky had filled with dark, ominous clouds, and there were streaks of lightning in the distance.

A storm was coming.

Fifteen minutes later it was on us.  A bolt of lightning lit up the room, and then the crack of thunder, directly overhead.

I was holding her hand.

Just after the crack of thunder, she squeezed my hand and opened her eyes.

I could see fear in her eyes, but I had not known her to be scared of thunder.

She spoke, but nothing came out.  She coughed and winced.  Not completely healed.

Then, “Where am I?” 

She realised I was holding her hand and slipped it out of my grip.  Not a good sign.

“A convalescent hospital “

“Why?

“You were in an accident.”

“When?”

“Five months ago.  You have been in a coma.”

“And you are?”

There it was.  What I had been dreading for the past five months, the cruellest of outcomes.  She would not remember who I was.

“Your husband Allen.”

“You could be anybody.”

“I could, but I have proof.”  Sitting beside the bed was a photograph album.  Started at our wedding, the one none of her relatives came to.

The people who had spent two years trying to stop her from marrying me.  Her family had different plans for her, but she had not wanted that life.

Cinderella’s life was normal compared to what her family had put her through, including kidnapping, mind control, torture by any other name, and a life-and-death rescue.

No one believed the story, but every word of it was true.  I still carried the scars and the bullet they had hoped would kill me.  It probably would in time.

She dragged herself up into a sitting position, and I gave her the album.  She leafed through the pages, taking the time to look at the photos and then at me.

At the end, she closed the album and let it rest on her knees.

“I don’t remember anything.  Not yours, not my life, nothing.”  Tears flowed.

The doctor came in; I had seen him outside waiting, perhaps to see if I had any effect on what he still maintained would be temporary amnesia.

He looked at me, and I nodded.  If I thought the last five months had been hard, the next were going to be harder.

…

It took another two months to get her back to a semblance of her former self. Intensive therapy to get all her limbs working, eating, coping with all those normal things we take for granted.

She had lost weight, and the clothes I brought, her favourites, were too large, and according to her, ‘what person in their right mind would wear these?’

She wanted jeans and T-shirts, and sports shoes.  What some might call the grungy teenager look.  The thing is, she looked great in them.

What else had changed? Her attitude.  Not towards me; she seemed to have settled the debate that I was someone of interest, but that element of smoothness she’d acquired from her parents was gone, replaced by a girl who wasn’t afraid to say ‘fuck you’ if you annoyed her.

She was feisty before; now she was fiestier, which would have come in handy a long time ago.

A final week of tests and instructions to ease her way back into life outside the hospital, virtually the only place she could remember. 

Then I took her home.

Her eyes lit up when she saw the house, and I had hoped she would remember, but she didn’t.  For some reason, she said it was like the house she always wanted to live in, but couldn’t say why.

I wanted to tell her she designed it, but I promised myself I wasn’t going to shove true facts down her throat so she’d remember.  Her memory, if it returned, would be when she wanted it to.

She cleaned out her old life.  We went shopping to accommodate her new look.  We changed furniture, repainted walls, drank red wine, which before she never would, and ate Chinese.

This was someone I didn’t know.

We slept in different rooms.  I could appreciate her reluctance and probably would have worried if she jumped into bed with what was, to her, a complete stranger.  I think it had worried her from the outset that I might enforce conjugal rights, but that was the last thing on my mind.

Sex had never been her top priority, and not very often.  She hated being naked in the light, and rarely exposed much of her body except when home.  And then, she had a very conservative one-piece swimsuit.

I had thought it odd that she was hiding scars or worse, but it was just a thing with her.  It had not changed in the new Amelia.

But we coexisted; she had no interest in going anywhere or seeing anyone.  She wouldn’t remember them anyway.

…

She didn’t remember her family, the heinous brother who had caused her so much pain, the younger sister who was spoilt and treated her badly, and the father whom I suspected had been the cruellest of the three.

Her mother had killed herself to get away from them.  She had tried to leave, but had been dragged back.  Amelia had never forgiven them for that.

Amelia herself had tried to escape, and was also dragged back, and ‘taught a lesson’ by her brother.  She had never told me what happened, but I assumed it was bad.

Their cruelty increased exponentially when she wanted to marry me; her family fought it, and the sister tried to kill me the first time at the wedding rehearsal.

We escaped; Amelia had her story splattered across the pages of a mass-circulation newspaper, which led to the arrests of her father and brother, charges laid, followed by what could only be described as a mock trial, where the judge allowed a restraining order against them, a committee service for the rest.

No justice had been served that day, except that, at last, they kept their distance, even though they kept up the harassment in other ways. They had not managed to get access after the accident, even when they tried to get a court order to have her returned to their home.

I knew they would be waiting in the wings somewhere, to take the opportunity to snatch her back.  If they did, then it would be at our property, which, unbeknownst to them, was a veritable fortress.

It was a subject for discussion a few days after our arrival, and it was settled.

“I know I have brought up the subject before, but you do have a family.  The thing is, they hurt you in several ways, and you had to get a restraining order to keep them away.”

“That bad.”

“Worse.  You never told me what they did to you, not that I wanted to know, but they’re out there, and given your current circumstances, they might come after you.  They never approved of me as your husband.”

“What did you do?”

An odd question, but logical considering her condition.

“To them, I was a lower-class slob, beneath your station in life.  You didn’t think so, which set them all off.  They fought the relationship, tried to stop the wedding, your sister tried to kill me.  The list is endless.”

“Then thank God I don’t remember them.”

Thank God indeed.

Until…

Later that day, my cell phone rang, an unlisted number.

I answered it.

It was her brother.

“How did you get this number?”  It was meant to be a burner phone.

“That’s irrelevant.  We would like to see my sister.”

“You have a restraining order.”

I was waiting to hear his laughter and tell me the error of my interpretation of such matters.  Restraining orders did not apply to the Magallans.

“You can invite us to visit.  Brief, supervised.  What harm could it do if she doesn’t remember us?  Or are you afraid she might want to come with us?”

There was an element of truth to that supposition.  If she couldn’t remember them, and they were nice to her, throwing money around like paper confetti, she might.

Seeing them again might jog her memory too. Though a shock as severe as that might have adverse effects on her recovery.

“I suggest you give up this obsession you have.  She didn’t like you before, and I doubt that’s changed.”

“Except she had no memory of us, unless that’s just a lie.  We’ll see you tomorrow morning.”  He disconnected the call before I could reply.

When I told her later, she simply said, “Let them come.  I will deal with them.”

“You remember them?”

“No.  If they are as bad as you say they are, it’s no wonder my memory doesn’t want to return.   The doctor said that a possible reason for this amnesia is because my mind is shutting out the pain it knows will return if I get my memory back.”

“It might be because of me too.”

“I don’t feel that you hurt me, only protected me.  I have this strange feeling of contentment when I am with you.  It’s the reason I’m here now.  I would not have come with you otherwise.”

“And I will continue to protect you.  I told them not to come.  You have a restraining order against them.  I could call the police.”

“No.  I want to see them, see what they have to say for themselves.”

I shrugged.  There was a gun in the case for just such emergencies. I hope I wouldn’t have to use it.

…

We lived on what used to be cattle grazing land, a hundred acres stretching from the coastline to the main road.  Our house was back nearer the ocean, where it couldn’t be seen from the main road.

There were cameras and a high fence, so visitors had to identify themselves before entering.  There were surveillance cameras everywhere, so they couldn’t arrive unannounced.

There were only two ways to get to the house.  By the lane off the main road and through the front gate, and from the ocean.  If you liked scaling cliffs.

They came via the front gate.

We were both in the kichen when the when the button was pressed.  They had to ask us to open the gate.

There were four people in the car.  A chauffeur, the borrower in the front seat, and the father and sister in the back.  None of them looked comfortable.

The chauffeur, not suspecting we could see them, asked for permission to enter.

I gave Amelia one last chance to say no.  She did not

I opened the gate.

We watched the car come along the track, the house being about a mile back from the main road, and completely secluded on all four sides.

We watched the car slowly drive along, getting closer and closer until it stopped next to my old battered Land Rover.

I was glancing at Amelia as she closely looked at each of them as the chauffeur opened the doors and each one got out, smoothing down the invisible wrinkles and waiting for the next.

A clear view of the chauffeur.  A man who looked more like a battle-hardened mercenary than a driver.  A red flag. Amelia’s expression didn’t change.

Once standing together, the son pulled out a cigarette, but before he could light it, his father yanked out of his mouth and threw it away, adding a few choice words that made lip reading easy.

No love lost between the two of them.  The sister shook her head and started walking towards the door.  The other two caught up.

“Don’t like them,” she said.  “I don’t see how any of them could be my family, except by looks.”

“They once told me they weren’t in the business of being liked.”  First time, and nearly the last time I met them.

“I’ll wait in here, give myself time to screw my courage to the sticking point.”

It was a phrase she had used a lot, when she was herself.  Had seeing them jog a memory fragment?

A minute later there was pounding on the door.  They’d completely overlooked using the button to ring the bell.  Were they making a statement, or being the usual bullies?

I sucked several deep breaths, then answered the door.

Richard barked, “Where is the bitch.  She’s faking it, you know.”

I stood back a foot after the verbal onslaught.

“It is usual to say hello before ranting, Richard, but then no one taught you any manners.”

“Just get out of the way.”

I thought about hitting him, but then there were two more waves of shock troops to fend off.  I stood to the side, and he pushed his way past, almost knocking me over, while saying, “Where is she?”

Maybe not such a good idea to invite them.

The father and Elizabeth passed more sedately, but with scowls on their faces.  It was clear they were not here with love in their hearts.

“I hope you left the kitchen knife set back home,” I muttered as she went past.

She simply smiled briefly, with an evil glint in her eyes, and kept going.

As I shut the door, I heard the father say, “What the hell…”

When I entered the room, I did not know what to expect.  It wasn’t Richard squirming on the floor making strange noises.

Amelia was leaning against the dividing bench between the kitchen and the dining lounge, watching him and the others.

Just watching.

The father yelled, “What happened?”  He was glaring furiously at his other daughter, Amelia.

“This person, whoever he is, came straight at me, and, of course, I had to defend myself.”  She looked straight at her father, or perhaps through him.  “Who is he, because I don’t have any animal friends that I know at that isn’t a man, its some rabid, out of control creature who should be put down.”

It was delivered almost as a conversational piece, far more frightening than if she screamed it at him like a banshee.  It virtually stopped him in his tracks

“He is your older brother.”

“No.  He isn’t.  If I had a brother, he’d be more like me.  Pleasant, docile, amenable.  That creature,” she pointed at him, still writhing, “needs to be put down.”

Her sister sighed.  “We are your family, Amelia, and we’ve come to take you home, where you belong.”

Amelia turned her eyes to her sister.  The look on her face, I noticed, was hard, the sort people would say, if looks could kill.

“Who are you again?”

“Your younger sister, Patricia.”

Amelia smiled, humourless as she evaluated the woman before her.

“Impossible.  Oversized ears, beady eyes, thin cruel lips, too much blusher, too bright red lipstick.  You look like a cadaver from a Frankenstein movie.  You’re nothing like me, so I don’t know who you are, and quite frankly, I don’t want to.”

“Don’t talk to your sister like that.”  Her father finally found his voice and had dragged the hapless son off the floor. 

I had no idea what Amelia had done to him, but it was clear he couldn’t stand up straight.

“Are you the sire of these creatures?  Then you cannot be any better than they are.  I have no idea why my husband thought I should meet you; in fact, if I remember rightly, just before you turned up at the front gate, he told me he didn’t, and the creature invited himself.  The creature also said that I was faking my amnesia.  About what you’d expect from a brainless creature.  Now…”

She leaned back over the counter, picked something, and a few seconds later had a gun in her hand.  The gun we kept in case of emergencies.

Something told me some part of her memory had returned.

“What are you doing?”  Patricia looked terrified.  Perhaps she too thought her sister’s memory had returned.

“You’re leaving my house.  Dead or alive, it’s your choice.  You have until I count to ten.  Be very grateful it’s not three.  One.”

“Let’s go,” Patricia said.  “She’s clearly off her rocker.”

“This is ridiculous,” Richard muttered.  “She’s not going to shoot anyone.”  He took a step towards her, and she shot him; the force of the bullet pushed him back into her father and sent them both sprawling.  She had aimed for the soft part of the shoulder.

This was not the Amelia I knew.

Richard screamed; realising it was not fatal, just agonising, he separated himself from his father, who scrambled to his feet, and backed away.

“This was a mistake.  A big mistake.  She has no idea who she is.”  He looked at me.  “You’ll be next; she’s clearly lost the plot.

She took a step forward and aimed the gun at his head.  “Get up and get out.  The next shot will end that pathetic life of yours, and these two as well.  It’s a three-for-one deal.”

He didn’t need to be asked twice, awkwardly himself to his feet, groaning, then clutching at the wound.  Blood stained a very expensive suit.

A last glare at Amelia, he went to say something, perhaps a threat, perhaps a curse, but thought the better of it.

They left.

Amelia followed them to the door.

“This is your one and only warning.  I ever see any of you again, I will kill you. Very slowly and very painfully.  Payback will be a bitch.”

That’s when they stopped in their tracks.  Richard turned, then the other two.

“You remember?”

“The moment you walked into the room.  What you did to me, I’ll never forget.  Neither will you, because today is the first you, all of you, better start looking over your shoulder.  You’re getting a day’s grace, then I’m coming after you, and I won’t stop until you’re dead.  Now get off my property.”

Richard lingered.  A bad mistake.  She shot at Richard, scrambling for cover until there were no more bullets.  Then, when he thought it was safe, she held up a new clip and rammed it home.

“You want to play games, Richie?”

I think he finally realised she was not joking.

They got in the car and left.

…

We waited until the car disappeared out of sight.

She sighed.  “Jesus’s, that felt good.”

“Not remembering what he did to you.”

“All of them.  No.  But I wanted to kill him.  I had to really restrain myself, but it was too easy.  He’s going to die slowly and painfully.”

“Don’t you think you’ve made your point?”  I’m as much for revenge as the next guy, but there had to be a better way.

“I did the lawyer thing, and they made a mockery out of it.  We give them a week, and then we’ll go after them.”

“A week?”

“They’ll get their security team together, send a couple of scouts, and then decide what to do.  The driver was one of their mercenaries; he was scoping the place for weaknesses.  They’ll come by the cliffs.  A week.  A half dozen of their best mercenaries found dead; they’ll get the message.”

She turned around and smiled.  “You were the only one I could trust.  Through thick and thin.”

“I believed you’d lost your memory “

“I had.  Richard tipped it all on its head.  The voice, then the presence.  What he did to me.  It all came back.  He came at me; I put him down.  Self-defence, and gun club.  Training.  I was always going to get them.  Are you in?”

“Do I get the shoot your sister?”

“After what she did to you, who am I to stop you?  Come.  Your training starts now.”

…

©  Charles Heath  2026

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 244

Day 244 – Writing exercise

…

Life is a paradox.

You think that everything is great, that after all the drama, mishaps and disasters that were sent to try you were defeated, one by one, that the universe had finally decided you deserved a life together.

God knows we had been on the verge of going our separate ways more times than I could count.

But we were there.

Amelia had planned a dinner for two in the swankiest restaurant in the city, and I had just got changed at work and about to catch a cab.

Amelia was driving in from the suburbs, and we would be staying in an equally swank hotel for the weekend.

It was a plan we had made the day before our wedding, to do exactly one year after, on our first anniversary.

Today marked our fifth.

Just as I told the cabbie the address, my cell phone rang.

‘Private Number’

I was going to ignore it, but a strange sensation ran through me, the like of which I’d never felt before.

“Hello?”

“Is that Allen Jamieson?”

“Yes.”  Tentative.  A spear of pain ran through my heart, and I braced myself.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news.”

That was the ‘Oh God’ moment, and I could feel my world slipping out from under me.

“Your wife, Amelia, has been in a serious car accident.  She has been taken to hospital.  I suggest you get there as soon as possible.”

At the word ‘accident,’ I think I stopped thinking.

He gave the address, I thanked him, and that was it.  Seconds later he tested the address, knowing that I wouldn’t remember a word he said, except that one word, ‘accident’.

…

I arrived in a daze, sick with worry, thinking that I was too late, that the light of my life had been extinguished.

After everything else …

I made myself known at the front desk, and within a minute a nurse came to take me to her. 

She was in the emergency room; just arrived, and yes, still alive but barely.  The nurse didn’t say she was hanging by a thread, but I read between the lines.

We burst into chaos.  Apparently she was not the only victim of what had been a minor earth tremor that had brought down an overpass. 

From the front counter to the ER, I got the disjointed details:  a hundred cars and five buses, most crushed, and Amelia was one of five who survived.  I did not hear how many didn’t.

I wasn’t prepared for what I was about to see, and when the nurse pulled back the curtain, I simply fainted.

…

When I recovered, smelling salts were horrible, and I awoke confused.  I was outside her cubicle, but it was now empty. 

Another nurse was saying that she had been taken to the OR for emergency surgery, and in my mind I could see the bloodied and broken piece of what was, as early as that morning, a beautiful and graceful woman who had survived everything that could be thrown at her.

Now?

If she died, I had not taken the chance to tell her everything I wanted to.  In that moment, I had not been strong – the man she needed to be by her side when it mattered the most.

Now, all I could do was wait.

…

Twelve hours.

Twelve hours during which I could not sleep, could not rest, got up, walked around, sat down, conversed with other family members of other victims who were equally as stultified as I was at the horrendudness of what had happened.

The news coverage was on the whole time, covering the disaster, the death toll in the hundreds, the rescue attempts, the survivors.  I saw the car Amelia had been in, and how she survived was a miracle.

Then the news turned dark: a panel of experts dissecting the disaster, and the revelation that the contractors who built the flyover had scrimped on materials and, had it been built properly, it might not have happened.

Not helping.

Searching for someone to blame would never help the victims or the loved ones who lost them.

One by one, the family members left.  Most of their loved ones died on the operating table.  Three had not.  Relief could be measured, and it could be felt.

Twelve hours.

It was my turn.

The doctor, or one of them, came out, a white coat over bloodied scrubs.  Straight from the fires of hell.

“She is a survivor,” was the first thing he said, with just a touch of admiration in his tone.  “We repaired the body; it will heal in time with few aftereffects.  Her mind, that’s a different matter.  We repaired the damage, but we cannot be sure what functions may or may not return.  She will be herself, the woman you know.  She just may not remember who you are, or who she is.  It is usually only temporary, but…”

It was enough.  God had found a new way to tear us apart.  It was just another hurdle, one that may take a little time to get over.

And, for Amelia, I had all the time in the world

…

Five months.

Nearly half a year, and every day I sat in her room, a bright sunny aspect looking over the gardens which, even for late autumn, still looked delightful.

The external and internal injuries had recovered. Her arms healed, her legs healed, and all we could do was wait to see if her head healed.  Looking at her, except for a few scars, she looked the same Amelia as she had before the accident.

I came in, sat down, said my piece about everything going on around us, and then read from the classics.  Sometimes in English, sometimes in Greek or Italian or Latin.

I told her all about Latin and the fact it was not a dead language.   She would have agreed with me.  If we wanted to say something and not have people around us understand, we’d speak in Latin.

It was about three in the afternoon. 

Birds were tweeting outside.  The sky had filled with dark, ominous clouds, and there were streaks of lightning in the distance.

A storm was coming.

Fifteen minutes later it was on us.  A bolt of lightning lit up the room, and then the crack of thunder, directly overhead.

I was holding her hand.

Just after the crack of thunder, she squeezed my hand and opened her eyes.

I could see fear in her eyes, but I had not known her to be scared of thunder.

She spoke, but nothing came out.  She coughed and winced.  Not completely healed.

Then, “Where am I?” 

She realised I was holding her hand and slipped it out of my grip.  Not a good sign.

“A convalescent hospital “

“Why?

“You were in an accident.”

“When?”

“Five months ago.  You have been in a coma.”

“And you are?”

There it was.  What I had been dreading for the past five months, the cruellest of outcomes.  She would not remember who I was.

“Your husband Allen.”

“You could be anybody.”

“I could, but I have proof.”  Sitting beside the bed was a photograph album.  Started at our wedding, the one none of her relatives came to.

The people who had spent two years trying to stop her from marrying me.  Her family had different plans for her, but she had not wanted that life.

Cinderella’s life was normal compared to what her family had put her through, including kidnapping, mind control, torture by any other name, and a life-and-death rescue.

No one believed the story, but every word of it was true.  I still carried the scars and the bullet they had hoped would kill me.  It probably would in time.

She dragged herself up into a sitting position, and I gave her the album.  She leafed through the pages, taking the time to look at the photos and then at me.

At the end, she closed the album and let it rest on her knees.

“I don’t remember anything.  Not yours, not my life, nothing.”  Tears flowed.

The doctor came in; I had seen him outside waiting, perhaps to see if I had any effect on what he still maintained would be temporary amnesia.

He looked at me, and I nodded.  If I thought the last five months had been hard, the next were going to be harder.

…

It took another two months to get her back to a semblance of her former self. Intensive therapy to get all her limbs working, eating, coping with all those normal things we take for granted.

She had lost weight, and the clothes I brought, her favourites, were too large, and according to her, ‘what person in their right mind would wear these?’

She wanted jeans and T-shirts, and sports shoes.  What some might call the grungy teenager look.  The thing is, she looked great in them.

What else had changed? Her attitude.  Not towards me; she seemed to have settled the debate that I was someone of interest, but that element of smoothness she’d acquired from her parents was gone, replaced by a girl who wasn’t afraid to say ‘fuck you’ if you annoyed her.

She was feisty before; now she was fiestier, which would have come in handy a long time ago.

A final week of tests and instructions to ease her way back into life outside the hospital, virtually the only place she could remember. 

Then I took her home.

Her eyes lit up when she saw the house, and I had hoped she would remember, but she didn’t.  For some reason, she said it was like the house she always wanted to live in, but couldn’t say why.

I wanted to tell her she designed it, but I promised myself I wasn’t going to shove true facts down her throat so she’d remember.  Her memory, if it returned, would be when she wanted it to.

She cleaned out her old life.  We went shopping to accommodate her new look.  We changed furniture, repainted walls, drank red wine, which before she never would, and ate Chinese.

This was someone I didn’t know.

We slept in different rooms.  I could appreciate her reluctance and probably would have worried if she jumped into bed with what was, to her, a complete stranger.  I think it had worried her from the outset that I might enforce conjugal rights, but that was the last thing on my mind.

Sex had never been her top priority, and not very often.  She hated being naked in the light, and rarely exposed much of her body except when home.  And then, she had a very conservative one-piece swimsuit.

I had thought it odd that she was hiding scars or worse, but it was just a thing with her.  It had not changed in the new Amelia.

But we coexisted; she had no interest in going anywhere or seeing anyone.  She wouldn’t remember them anyway.

…

She didn’t remember her family, the heinous brother who had caused her so much pain, the younger sister who was spoilt and treated her badly, and the father whom I suspected had been the cruellest of the three.

Her mother had killed herself to get away from them.  She had tried to leave, but had been dragged back.  Amelia had never forgiven them for that.

Amelia herself had tried to escape, and was also dragged back, and ‘taught a lesson’ by her brother.  She had never told me what happened, but I assumed it was bad.

Their cruelty increased exponentially when she wanted to marry me; her family fought it, and the sister tried to kill me the first time at the wedding rehearsal.

We escaped; Amelia had her story splattered across the pages of a mass-circulation newspaper, which led to the arrests of her father and brother, charges laid, followed by what could only be described as a mock trial, where the judge allowed a restraining order against them, a committee service for the rest.

No justice had been served that day, except that, at last, they kept their distance, even though they kept up the harassment in other ways. They had not managed to get access after the accident, even when they tried to get a court order to have her returned to their home.

I knew they would be waiting in the wings somewhere, to take the opportunity to snatch her back.  If they did, then it would be at our property, which, unbeknownst to them, was a veritable fortress.

It was a subject for discussion a few days after our arrival, and it was settled.

“I know I have brought up the subject before, but you do have a family.  The thing is, they hurt you in several ways, and you had to get a restraining order to keep them away.”

“That bad.”

“Worse.  You never told me what they did to you, not that I wanted to know, but they’re out there, and given your current circumstances, they might come after you.  They never approved of me as your husband.”

“What did you do?”

An odd question, but logical considering her condition.

“To them, I was a lower-class slob, beneath your station in life.  You didn’t think so, which set them all off.  They fought the relationship, tried to stop the wedding, your sister tried to kill me.  The list is endless.”

“Then thank God I don’t remember them.”

Thank God indeed.

Until…

Later that day, my cell phone rang, an unlisted number.

I answered it.

It was her brother.

“How did you get this number?”  It was meant to be a burner phone.

“That’s irrelevant.  We would like to see my sister.”

“You have a restraining order.”

I was waiting to hear his laughter and tell me the error of my interpretation of such matters.  Restraining orders did not apply to the Magallans.

“You can invite us to visit.  Brief, supervised.  What harm could it do if she doesn’t remember us?  Or are you afraid she might want to come with us?”

There was an element of truth to that supposition.  If she couldn’t remember them, and they were nice to her, throwing money around like paper confetti, she might.

Seeing them again might jog her memory too. Though a shock as severe as that might have adverse effects on her recovery.

“I suggest you give up this obsession you have.  She didn’t like you before, and I doubt that’s changed.”

“Except she had no memory of us, unless that’s just a lie.  We’ll see you tomorrow morning.”  He disconnected the call before I could reply.

When I told her later, she simply said, “Let them come.  I will deal with them.”

“You remember them?”

“No.  If they are as bad as you say they are, it’s no wonder my memory doesn’t want to return.   The doctor said that a possible reason for this amnesia is because my mind is shutting out the pain it knows will return if I get my memory back.”

“It might be because of me too.”

“I don’t feel that you hurt me, only protected me.  I have this strange feeling of contentment when I am with you.  It’s the reason I’m here now.  I would not have come with you otherwise.”

“And I will continue to protect you.  I told them not to come.  You have a restraining order against them.  I could call the police.”

“No.  I want to see them, see what they have to say for themselves.”

I shrugged.  There was a gun in the case for just such emergencies. I hope I wouldn’t have to use it.

…

We lived on what used to be cattle grazing land, a hundred acres stretching from the coastline to the main road.  Our house was back nearer the ocean, where it couldn’t be seen from the main road.

There were cameras and a high fence, so visitors had to identify themselves before entering.  There were surveillance cameras everywhere, so they couldn’t arrive unannounced.

There were only two ways to get to the house.  By the lane off the main road and through the front gate, and from the ocean.  If you liked scaling cliffs.

They came via the front gate.

We were both in the kichen when the when the button was pressed.  They had to ask us to open the gate.

There were four people in the car.  A chauffeur, the borrower in the front seat, and the father and sister in the back.  None of them looked comfortable.

The chauffeur, not suspecting we could see them, asked for permission to enter.

I gave Amelia one last chance to say no.  She did not

I opened the gate.

We watched the car come along the track, the house being about a mile back from the main road, and completely secluded on all four sides.

We watched the car slowly drive along, getting closer and closer until it stopped next to my old battered Land Rover.

I was glancing at Amelia as she closely looked at each of them as the chauffeur opened the doors and each one got out, smoothing down the invisible wrinkles and waiting for the next.

A clear view of the chauffeur.  A man who looked more like a battle-hardened mercenary than a driver.  A red flag. Amelia’s expression didn’t change.

Once standing together, the son pulled out a cigarette, but before he could light it, his father yanked out of his mouth and threw it away, adding a few choice words that made lip reading easy.

No love lost between the two of them.  The sister shook her head and started walking towards the door.  The other two caught up.

“Don’t like them,” she said.  “I don’t see how any of them could be my family, except by looks.”

“They once told me they weren’t in the business of being liked.”  First time, and nearly the last time I met them.

“I’ll wait in here, give myself time to screw my courage to the sticking point.”

It was a phrase she had used a lot, when she was herself.  Had seeing them jog a memory fragment?

A minute later there was pounding on the door.  They’d completely overlooked using the button to ring the bell.  Were they making a statement, or being the usual bullies?

I sucked several deep breaths, then answered the door.

Richard barked, “Where is the bitch.  She’s faking it, you know.”

I stood back a foot after the verbal onslaught.

“It is usual to say hello before ranting, Richard, but then no one taught you any manners.”

“Just get out of the way.”

I thought about hitting him, but then there were two more waves of shock troops to fend off.  I stood to the side, and he pushed his way past, almost knocking me over, while saying, “Where is she?”

Maybe not such a good idea to invite them.

The father and Elizabeth passed more sedately, but with scowls on their faces.  It was clear they were not here with love in their hearts.

“I hope you left the kitchen knife set back home,” I muttered as she went past.

She simply smiled briefly, with an evil glint in her eyes, and kept going.

As I shut the door, I heard the father say, “What the hell…”

When I entered the room, I did not know what to expect.  It wasn’t Richard squirming on the floor making strange noises.

Amelia was leaning against the dividing bench between the kitchen and the dining lounge, watching him and the others.

Just watching.

The father yelled, “What happened?”  He was glaring furiously at his other daughter, Amelia.

“This person, whoever he is, came straight at me, and, of course, I had to defend myself.”  She looked straight at her father, or perhaps through him.  “Who is he, because I don’t have any animal friends that I know at that isn’t a man, its some rabid, out of control creature who should be put down.”

It was delivered almost as a conversational piece, far more frightening than if she screamed it at him like a banshee.  It virtually stopped him in his tracks

“He is your older brother.”

“No.  He isn’t.  If I had a brother, he’d be more like me.  Pleasant, docile, amenable.  That creature,” she pointed at him, still writhing, “needs to be put down.”

Her sister sighed.  “We are your family, Amelia, and we’ve come to take you home, where you belong.”

Amelia turned her eyes to her sister.  The look on her face, I noticed, was hard, the sort people would say, if looks could kill.

“Who are you again?”

“Your younger sister, Patricia.”

Amelia smiled, humourless as she evaluated the woman before her.

“Impossible.  Oversized ears, beady eyes, thin cruel lips, too much blusher, too bright red lipstick.  You look like a cadaver from a Frankenstein movie.  You’re nothing like me, so I don’t know who you are, and quite frankly, I don’t want to.”

“Don’t talk to your sister like that.”  Her father finally found his voice and had dragged the hapless son off the floor. 

I had no idea what Amelia had done to him, but it was clear he couldn’t stand up straight.

“Are you the sire of these creatures?  Then you cannot be any better than they are.  I have no idea why my husband thought I should meet you; in fact, if I remember rightly, just before you turned up at the front gate, he told me he didn’t, and the creature invited himself.  The creature also said that I was faking my amnesia.  About what you’d expect from a brainless creature.  Now…”

She leaned back over the counter, picked something, and a few seconds later had a gun in her hand.  The gun we kept in case of emergencies.

Something told me some part of her memory had returned.

“What are you doing?”  Patricia looked terrified.  Perhaps she too thought her sister’s memory had returned.

“You’re leaving my house.  Dead or alive, it’s your choice.  You have until I count to ten.  Be very grateful it’s not three.  One.”

“Let’s go,” Patricia said.  “She’s clearly off her rocker.”

“This is ridiculous,” Richard muttered.  “She’s not going to shoot anyone.”  He took a step towards her, and she shot him; the force of the bullet pushed him back into her father and sent them both sprawling.  She had aimed for the soft part of the shoulder.

This was not the Amelia I knew.

Richard screamed; realising it was not fatal, just agonising, he separated himself from his father, who scrambled to his feet, and backed away.

“This was a mistake.  A big mistake.  She has no idea who she is.”  He looked at me.  “You’ll be next; she’s clearly lost the plot.

She took a step forward and aimed the gun at his head.  “Get up and get out.  The next shot will end that pathetic life of yours, and these two as well.  It’s a three-for-one deal.”

He didn’t need to be asked twice, awkwardly himself to his feet, groaning, then clutching at the wound.  Blood stained a very expensive suit.

A last glare at Amelia, he went to say something, perhaps a threat, perhaps a curse, but thought the better of it.

They left.

Amelia followed them to the door.

“This is your one and only warning.  I ever see any of you again, I will kill you. Very slowly and very painfully.  Payback will be a bitch.”

That’s when they stopped in their tracks.  Richard turned, then the other two.

“You remember?”

“The moment you walked into the room.  What you did to me, I’ll never forget.  Neither will you, because today is the first you, all of you, better start looking over your shoulder.  You’re getting a day’s grace, then I’m coming after you, and I won’t stop until you’re dead.  Now get off my property.”

Richard lingered.  A bad mistake.  She shot at Richard, scrambling for cover until there were no more bullets.  Then, when he thought it was safe, she held up a new clip and rammed it home.

“You want to play games, Richie?”

I think he finally realised she was not joking.

They got in the car and left.

…

We waited until the car disappeared out of sight.

She sighed.  “Jesus’s, that felt good.”

“Not remembering what he did to you.”

“All of them.  No.  But I wanted to kill him.  I had to really restrain myself, but it was too easy.  He’s going to die slowly and painfully.”

“Don’t you think you’ve made your point?”  I’m as much for revenge as the next guy, but there had to be a better way.

“I did the lawyer thing, and they made a mockery out of it.  We give them a week, and then we’ll go after them.”

“A week?”

“They’ll get their security team together, send a couple of scouts, and then decide what to do.  The driver was one of their mercenaries; he was scoping the place for weaknesses.  They’ll come by the cliffs.  A week.  A half dozen of their best mercenaries found dead; they’ll get the message.”

She turned around and smiled.  “You were the only one I could trust.  Through thick and thin.”

“I believed you’d lost your memory “

“I had.  Richard tipped it all on its head.  The voice, then the presence.  What he did to me.  It all came back.  He came at me; I put him down.  Self-defence, and gun club.  Training.  I was always going to get them.  Are you in?”

“Do I get the shoot your sister?”

“After what she did to you, who am I to stop you?  Come.  Your training starts now.”

…

©  Charles Heath  2026

PI Walthenson’s second case – A case of finding the ‘Flying Dutchman’.

Known only to a few, there is a legend that a ship named the ‘Flying Dutchman’ left Nazi Germany in the last weeks of the war and set sail for America, escorted by U-boats, under a different name. Aboard was a trove of treasure and gold worth a ‘king’s ransom’.

It was said that it had been sent to a group of American Nazis to create the Fourth Reich at an appropriate time. Over the years, many expeditions off the coast had searched, but found no trace of the vessel or the treasure.

In other words, it was just a legend created to boost tourism.

…

Fast forward to 2024. Our intrepid private detective, Harry Walthenson, overhears a conversation at Grand Central Station. It was the oddness of the message that caught his attention. An investigation turned up nothing out of the ordinary, and he thinks no more about it.

Then Harry is kidnapped, interrogated, and asked questions over and over about a date and a place, why he went there, and when he could not give satisfactory answers, he was beaten half to death and left for dead on a rubbish heap. He was lucky that it was a living space for homeless men; otherwise, he would have died.

In the aftermath, he once again gives it no more thought.

…

After resolving his first case successfully, there’s no rest. Harry’s angry mother comes to his office and demands that he find out where his father has gone. She believes he has run off with a mistress, not for the first time.

Perhaps it was not the wisest decision she has made, because Harry promises to investigate, and adds that she might not like what he finds.

He soon discovered he does not like what he finds, that his father’s friends, a cabal formed at University, have two who are his mother’s current lovers, and another, a criminal blackmailing his father.

Felicity, now his partner, working on a different case, and trying to get answers, uncovers a crime family involved in guarding a disused warehouse on the docks, where she believes Harry had been taken for interrogation, and subsequently dumped nearby to die.

Why are they up to? What is so important that the empty warehouse needs guarding? Who is employing them?

Harry, following up on the death of the blackmailer, traces his death back to an enforcer employed by his grandfather. His mother’s grandfather was a pre-war industrialist who made his fortune in war munitions and shipbuilding.

He was also a member of the American Nazi party.

When Harry also discovers a logbook belonging to a so-called wartime Liberty ship the “Paul Revere” in brackets ‘Freiheitskämpfer’, hidden by his father, and written in a code that is not readily identifiable.

It is no longer a matter of a father who has run off with his mistress; it is a very frightened man in fear of his life, running from a group who will stop at nothing to get the logbook back. And when Harry discovers a family connection to the group, it becomes a race against time to decode the log and find his father before his grandfather does.

…

Coming soon: Harry Walthenson’s new adventure – A case of finding the ‘Flying Dutchman’

What I learned about writing – Have a deadline, you need a plan

Unfortunately, I’m not one of those people who work well with timelines, so the very thought of using something like Microsoft Project to get my writing into some sort of timeframe, with deadlines, seemed, to me, to be a bit extreme.

Say for instance the major deadlines for a writing project are

  1.  Write an outline, with as much detail as possible, with an overarching plot, characters, and key points in the novel, and scout for locations
  2. Writing.  This could be broken down into chapters, but more practicable would be sectioned, each consisting of a number of chapters.
  3. Editing, planning for one, two or three, or more edits
  4. Proofreading
  5. Send to editor

Clearly if I was going to take this approach, then I would have to allocate hours of the day specifically for writing and doing all those other writer chores in less time, and with fewer distractions.

And, it might work for a more dedicated author.

But…

I did make a new years resolution that I would try and do things differently this year.

Except…

I set a goal to restart editing my next novel on 1st Feb. I thought, setting it so far into the year would be easy.

It would give me the time to clear up all the outstanding, get in the way, distractions, and be free to finally finish it.

But there’s always something else to do, other than what we’re supposed to be doing.

For me it used to be going away, spending long, sleepless hours flying from one side of the world to the other had fuelled my imagination more than I expected and where this used to be the impetus to write more stories that had not happened yet this year.

I have other stories of course, all in various stages of writing, but if only I could focus on one story at a time.

So…

I’ve tried to set some new, more realistic goals to finish playing with these other stories as soon as I can, so come the first of April, I can resume work on the next book to be published.

Or not.

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 243

Day 243 – Mistakes are part of the territory

…

 Why You Need to Fail to Innovate: Unpacking John Cleese’s Masterclass on Creativity

“If you are not prepared to make a mistake, you’ll never come up with a new idea.” — John Cleese

We’ve all been there staring at a blank screen, a white whiteboard, or a daunting project brief, paralysed by the need to get it right on the first try. In a culture that worships overnight success and flawless execution, making a mistake feels like a professional sin.

But according to legendary comedian, actor, and writer John Cleese—co-founder of Monty Python and creator of Fawlty Towers—this fear of failure is the single greatest enemy of creativity.

If you want to innovate, invent, or simply think outside the box, you have to give yourself permission to be wrong. A lot.

Let’s dive deep into Cleese’s philosophy on creativity, why mistakes are the bedrock of original thought, and how you can cultivate a “mistake-friendly” mindset in your work and life.


The Myth of the “Lightbulb Moment”

When we think of creative breakthroughs, we often imagine a eureka moment—a lightning bolt of inspiration striking a genius out of nowhere.

Cleese, who gave a famous lecture on the mechanics of creativity, argues that this is entirely a myth. Creativity is not a talent you are simply born with; it is a mode of operation. It is a state of mind that you can enter, provided you create the right psychological conditions.

The biggest roadblock to entering this creative state? Anxiety.

When you are stressed, pressured to perform, or terrified of looking foolish, your brain goes into survival mode. You rely on tried-and-true, risk-free solutions. You stick to what you know works. Unfortunately, “what works” is the exact opposite of a new idea.

Why Fear Kills Innovation

To understand why fear is the kryptonite of creativity, we have to look at how the brain works.

  1. The “Closed” Mindset: When you are afraid of making a mistake, your cognitive focus narrows. You become hyper-critical, editing your thoughts as they happen. This is the “inner critic” working overtime.
  2. The Death of Play: Creativity requires playfulness. It requires asking “What if?” without worrying about whether the answer is stupid. Fear replaces play with pressure.
  3. The Comfort Zone: Safe ideas rarely change the world. By definition, a new idea is untested, unproven, and a little bit ridiculous until it isn’t. If you refuse to take the risk of being wrong, you anchor yourself to mediocrity.

As Cleese points out, the most creative people aren’t necessarily smarter than everyone else; they are simply more willing to tolerate ambiguity, confusion, and error.


Redefining the “Mistake” in the Creative Process

Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

In the realm of innovation, a mistake is not a moral failing or a sign of incompetence. It is a data point.

Think of the creative process like an archaeological dig. You have to sift through tons of dirt, rubble, and broken pottery before you unearth something valuable. If you refuse to dig up the dirt because you’re afraid it’s worthless, you’ll never find the artifact.

When you accept that your first ideas are likely going to be terrible, a massive weight lifts off your shoulders. In fact, lowering the bar intentionally is one of the best brainstorming hacks available. Give yourself permission to write the worst possible version of an essay, design the ugliest logo, or pitch the most absurd business concept. Once the bad ideas are out on the table, the good ones finally have room to breathe.


How to Apply John Cleese’s Wisdom to Your Work

If you want to harness Cleese’s philosophy and become a more fearless, innovative thinker, try implementing these four strategies:

1. Create a “Tortoise Space” for Play

Cleese emphasises the importance of setting boundaries for creativity. He suggests creating a physical or temporal space where you can retreat from the pressures of the “open” (operational, stressed) mode. Give yourself a dedicated hour where nothing is precious, failure has zero consequences, and you are entirely free to play.

2. Separate Creation from Editing

The cardinal sin of brainstorming is trying to judge your ideas at the same time you are generating them. This is like trying to drive with one foot on the gas and the other on the brakes.

  • Phase 1: Generate without judgment. Write down every crazy, stupid, or unpolished thought.
  • Phase 2: Put on your analytical hat and evaluate what’s actually useful.

3. Reframe “Failure” as “Exploration”

Language matters. Instead of telling yourself, “If this doesn’t work, I’m a failure,” try telling yourself, “Let’s see what happens if we try X.” Cultivating scientific curiosity removes the emotional sting of a mistake and turns it into an interesting experiment.

4. Reward the Attempt, Not Just the Outcome

If you manage a team, you cannot demand innovation while punishing missteps. Foster a culture where bold, well-reasoned risks are celebrated—even when they fail. When employees know their jobs aren’t on the line for trying something new, they will surprise you with breakthrough solutions.


Final Thoughts: Embrace the Mess

Innovation is inherently messy. It is a journey of trial, error, backtracking, and accidental discoveries.

John Cleese’s timeless insight reminds us that perfectionism is the enemy of progress. If you wait until you have a guaranteed, foolproof, mistake-proof plan, you will be waiting forever.

So, lower the stakes. Embrace the absurd. Make the mistake. It just might be the starting point of your best idea yet.


What is the best “mistake” that led to a breakthrough in your career or creative projects? Let’s discuss in the comments below!

…

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 243

Day 243 – Mistakes are part of the territory

…

 Why You Need to Fail to Innovate: Unpacking John Cleese’s Masterclass on Creativity

“If you are not prepared to make a mistake, you’ll never come up with a new idea.” — John Cleese

We’ve all been there staring at a blank screen, a white whiteboard, or a daunting project brief, paralysed by the need to get it right on the first try. In a culture that worships overnight success and flawless execution, making a mistake feels like a professional sin.

But according to legendary comedian, actor, and writer John Cleese—co-founder of Monty Python and creator of Fawlty Towers—this fear of failure is the single greatest enemy of creativity.

If you want to innovate, invent, or simply think outside the box, you have to give yourself permission to be wrong. A lot.

Let’s dive deep into Cleese’s philosophy on creativity, why mistakes are the bedrock of original thought, and how you can cultivate a “mistake-friendly” mindset in your work and life.


The Myth of the “Lightbulb Moment”

When we think of creative breakthroughs, we often imagine a eureka moment—a lightning bolt of inspiration striking a genius out of nowhere.

Cleese, who gave a famous lecture on the mechanics of creativity, argues that this is entirely a myth. Creativity is not a talent you are simply born with; it is a mode of operation. It is a state of mind that you can enter, provided you create the right psychological conditions.

The biggest roadblock to entering this creative state? Anxiety.

When you are stressed, pressured to perform, or terrified of looking foolish, your brain goes into survival mode. You rely on tried-and-true, risk-free solutions. You stick to what you know works. Unfortunately, “what works” is the exact opposite of a new idea.

Why Fear Kills Innovation

To understand why fear is the kryptonite of creativity, we have to look at how the brain works.

  1. The “Closed” Mindset: When you are afraid of making a mistake, your cognitive focus narrows. You become hyper-critical, editing your thoughts as they happen. This is the “inner critic” working overtime.
  2. The Death of Play: Creativity requires playfulness. It requires asking “What if?” without worrying about whether the answer is stupid. Fear replaces play with pressure.
  3. The Comfort Zone: Safe ideas rarely change the world. By definition, a new idea is untested, unproven, and a little bit ridiculous until it isn’t. If you refuse to take the risk of being wrong, you anchor yourself to mediocrity.

As Cleese points out, the most creative people aren’t necessarily smarter than everyone else; they are simply more willing to tolerate ambiguity, confusion, and error.


Redefining the “Mistake” in the Creative Process

Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

In the realm of innovation, a mistake is not a moral failing or a sign of incompetence. It is a data point.

Think of the creative process like an archaeological dig. You have to sift through tons of dirt, rubble, and broken pottery before you unearth something valuable. If you refuse to dig up the dirt because you’re afraid it’s worthless, you’ll never find the artifact.

When you accept that your first ideas are likely going to be terrible, a massive weight lifts off your shoulders. In fact, lowering the bar intentionally is one of the best brainstorming hacks available. Give yourself permission to write the worst possible version of an essay, design the ugliest logo, or pitch the most absurd business concept. Once the bad ideas are out on the table, the good ones finally have room to breathe.


How to Apply John Cleese’s Wisdom to Your Work

If you want to harness Cleese’s philosophy and become a more fearless, innovative thinker, try implementing these four strategies:

1. Create a “Tortoise Space” for Play

Cleese emphasises the importance of setting boundaries for creativity. He suggests creating a physical or temporal space where you can retreat from the pressures of the “open” (operational, stressed) mode. Give yourself a dedicated hour where nothing is precious, failure has zero consequences, and you are entirely free to play.

2. Separate Creation from Editing

The cardinal sin of brainstorming is trying to judge your ideas at the same time you are generating them. This is like trying to drive with one foot on the gas and the other on the brakes.

  • Phase 1: Generate without judgment. Write down every crazy, stupid, or unpolished thought.
  • Phase 2: Put on your analytical hat and evaluate what’s actually useful.

3. Reframe “Failure” as “Exploration”

Language matters. Instead of telling yourself, “If this doesn’t work, I’m a failure,” try telling yourself, “Let’s see what happens if we try X.” Cultivating scientific curiosity removes the emotional sting of a mistake and turns it into an interesting experiment.

4. Reward the Attempt, Not Just the Outcome

If you manage a team, you cannot demand innovation while punishing missteps. Foster a culture where bold, well-reasoned risks are celebrated—even when they fail. When employees know their jobs aren’t on the line for trying something new, they will surprise you with breakthrough solutions.


Final Thoughts: Embrace the Mess

Innovation is inherently messy. It is a journey of trial, error, backtracking, and accidental discoveries.

John Cleese’s timeless insight reminds us that perfectionism is the enemy of progress. If you wait until you have a guaranteed, foolproof, mistake-proof plan, you will be waiting forever.

So, lower the stakes. Embrace the absurd. Make the mistake. It just might be the starting point of your best idea yet.


What is the best “mistake” that led to a breakthrough in your career or creative projects? Let’s discuss in the comments below!

…

“The Things we do for Love”, the story behind the story

This story has been ongoing since I was seventeen, and just to let you know, I’m 72 this year.

Yes, it’s taken a long time to get it done.

Why, you might ask.

Well, I never gave it much interest because I started writing it after a small incident when I was 17, and working as a book packer for a book distributor in Melbourne

At the end of my first year, at Christmas, the employer had a Christmas party, and that year, it was at a venue in St Kilda.

I wasn’t going to go because at that age, I was an ordinary boy who was very introverted and basically scared of his own shadow and terrified by girls.

Back then, I would cross the street to avoid them

Also, other members of the staff in the shipping department were rough and ready types who were not backwards in telling me what happened, and being naive, perhaps they knew I’d be either shocked or intrigued.

I was both adamant I wasn’t coming and then got roped in on a dare.

Damn!

So, back then, in the early 70s, people looked the other way when it came to drinking, and of course, Dutch courage always takes away the concerns, especially when normally you wouldn’t do half the stuff you wouldn’t in a million years

I made it to the end, not as drunk and stupid as I thought I might be, and St Kilda being a salacious place if you knew where to look, my new friends decided to give me a surprise.

It didn’t take long to realise these men were ‘men about town’ as they kept saying, and we went on an odyssey.  Yes, those backstreet brothels where one could, I was told, have anything they could imagine.

Let me tell you, large quantities of alcohol and imagination were a very bad mix.

So, the odyssey in ‘The things we do’ was based on that, and then the encounter with Diana. Well, let’s just say I learned a great deal about girls that night.

Firstly, not all girls are nasty and spiteful, which seemed to be the case whenever I met one. There was a way to approach, greet, talk to, and behave.

It was also true that I could have had anything I wanted, but I decided what was in my imagination could stay there.  She was amused that all I wanted was to talk, but it was my money, and I could spend it how I liked.

And like any 17-year-old naive fool, I fell in love with her and had all these foolish notions.  Months later, I went back, but she had moved on, to where no one was saying or knew.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken and had to get over that first loss, which, like any 17-year-old, was like the end of the world.

But it was the best hour I’d ever spent in my life and would remain so until I met the woman I have been married to for the last 48 years.

As Henry, he was in part based on a rebel, the son of rich parents who despised them and their wealth, and he used to regale anyone who would listen about how they had messed up his life

If only I’d come from such a background!

And yes, I was only a run away from climbing up the stairs to get on board a ship, acting as a purser.

I worked for a shipping company and they gave their junior staff members an opportunity to spend a year at sea working as a purser on a cargo ship that sailed between Melbourne, Sydney and Hobart in Australia.

One of the other junior staff members’ turn came, and I would visit him on board when he would tell me stories about life on board, the officers, the crew, and other events. These stories, which sounded incredible to someone so impressionable, were a delight to hear.

Alas, by that time, I had tired of office work and moved on to be a tradesman at the place where my father worked.

It proved to be the right move, as that is where I met my wife.  Diana had been right; love would find me when I least expected it.

…

lovecoverfinal1

What I learned about writing – You need to manage your time

It’s something that I have never been able to get a handle on, and I seem to stagger from one day to the next without getting anything done.

Over the years many people tried, some with limited success, others completely failing.  I had a boss who once sent me to time management classes and then expected me to manage my time better.  Alas, I can still see her shrugging at the impossibility of it.

The thing is, I’m one of those freeform sorts of people and I guess it goes with the star sign, Gemini.

Yes, I’ve been to quite a few of those time management courses over time, with the books and diaries seeming to want you to time manage your life.  I considered it a bit like micromanagement where your supervisor had access to the diary and put in the work, the estimated time and when it was expected to be finished.  Their idea of managing their expectations in your space.

I didn’t work well with deadlines.

But oddly enough most of the jobs I’ve had over the years have involved time management of one sort or another and I have survived, mostly due to the fact most of my managers had given up.  Stuff got done, more or less on time, so all was well.

Now, in semi-retirement, I really need something to organize my days so something gets done.  As a writer allocating 12 midnight to 2am for writing doesn’t seem to be a good idea.

Unfortunately, it is the best time for me to write.

Is anyone else out there with the same problem, and if so what was your answer to the time management problem?

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 241/242

Days 241 and 242 – Writing Exercise

…

It had been a very difficult decision to walk away from what had been my home, and not only my home but that of my brothers and sisters, but my father’s choices, after our mother died, had created an impossible situation.

My father was never the sort of man who never argued or exerted his authority.  He preferred to let his wife, our mother, do everything, and while she was alive and had the best of intentions, everything was fine

Then she got ill and died.  He was like a rudderless ship, drifting in the middle of an empty ocean.  When it became too much, my sister registered him with a group who had all suffered the same malaise.  The loss of a lifelong partner.

That’s where he met Mathilde Watson.

Everything was fine for the first few months.  He got his mojo back, and he’d found another woman who was happy to take charge.

Except …

She was only interested in what she needed for herself and her children, and simply ignored, or made it known in a less-than-subtle manner, made it known that the rest of his family were no longer welcome. 

Within a year, all four of us children by his first marriage had moved out, or more to the point, were forced out, and her three children and her parents had settled in, making themselves at home.

We tried to tell him, but in the end he believed that we were upset that he had found another wife, and didn’t want him to be happy again.  It was pure Mathilde speaking, but in the end, we simply acknowledged that he was not going to change.

Then, that first Christmas we all came back, she had engineered an argument, one I, and the others should have expected, and more to the point, should have known better than to bite, and for myself,  my last words with him were regrettable.  I didn’t stay to hear what the others had said, but our group chat on social media lit up for about a month afterwards

We had all worked hard over subsequent years to repair the damage she had inflicted, but it was too late.

For all of us.

He got ill, and Mathilde deliberately or otherwise managed to make it almost impossible for any of us to see him except at the very end, when we each got a message to come home.

At least all of us had been with him when he died.  Where Mathilde was, no one asked, and we didn’t wait around to find out.

…

Legal offices were usually austere places, where visits were rare, where I had been once to sign a set of documents at the insistence of my father’s legal representative, a man as old as he was, Ferguson.  I didn’t know of ever had another name.

To be honest I was not sure what they were, I trusted the lawyer and what my father told me, that I didn’t needed to know, just that it was ensuring we emremained a family, despite the new arrangements in his life.  I thought it odd at the time, letting us all be forced away by Mathilde.

I just put it down to strange behaviour we had come to expect from him since Mathilde came into his life.

It was not long after I left home for good, probably not my finest hour, but I had been angry,  and Mathilde, his new wife, was an easy target. I said my piece, and never went back.

Whatever it was, I never gave it another thought.

Until…

I was told he had died.  Mathilde hadn’t informed us, and as little as a few days ago, my sister had phoned him to get a report and had been told by one of her sons he was fine, and not to worry.

Clearly he had been dead for a few weeks.

Ferguson was apologetic that he had been asked by the local police to hold off informing the relatives until they had completed a preliminary investigation.

What was first thought to be death by natural causes was now contentiously labelled a potential murder.  His request was twofold: we all had to meet the Detective in charge of the case, and make a statement that would eliminate us from the investigation.

Clearly it had been communicated to my brother and two sisters because for the next hour the phone lines burned with regret, and a single potential accusation.  If he had been murdered, we knew exactly who did it.

Mathilde.

The other reason for our presence: Ferguson had a letter from our father to read as part of the will.  There were some unusual aspects related to his death that had to be worked through, but Mathilde had been asking for clarification of her position.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t control my resentment, saying that I thought that her position would have been straightforward.  She had coerced him into signing everything over to her.  It was the reason why she had created a hostile environment that none of us wanted any part of.

We could all truthfully say we had no opportunity to coerce him, not that we would.  I may have been disappointed with him and his choices, but I had wanted to believe he was happy.

I said as much to Ferguson.  I also said it was hardly worth my while, that his new family would take everything, and I didn’t ever want to see their gloating faces again.

He countered, saying my attendance would be as a favour to him and out of respect for my father.  He had cared about us, despite what had happened.

It was a matter of whether I wanted to believe it, and I chose not to, but, against my better judgement, I agreed to go.  I had to see the Detective anyway.

… 

Before arriving at Ferguson’s office, we each visited the Detective separately.  It had been suggested that we go together, but my younger brother, a junior lawyer himself, said it would look like we were colluding.

My stay was brief; he took my statement of my movements over the last three months, and any contact I’d had with the household and my father.  That was easy.  None.  He seemed surprised until I summed up the environment.  We were simply not welcome, and he had made no effort to change it.

It seemed selfish and rather pathetic that I hadn’t tried harder, but it was what it was.

Then, prior to the meeting, we met at a cafe nearby.  We were all of the same opinion: the new wife and her family would get everything, and we’d get nothing.  In my mind’s eye I could see her coaxing my father’s hand, creating a will in their favour.

We almost unanimously decided to get up, walk out and go home.  Only a simultaneous text message arriving on our cell phones stopped us.

“Important you be there at the meeting.  All will be revealed in good time.”

I shrugged.

“All in,” I asked.

Three nods.  My older sister Jeanne had the last word: “If that bitch pisses me off, I’m going to punch her lights out.”

I didn’t tell her she would have to get in line.

…

The meeting room felt crowded and unruly.

Not a surprise

All of Mathilde’s family were there.  Her, her parents, the three children and their spouses and a dozen kids.  Jeanne said they bred like rabbits.  She seemed to know a lot about Mathilde and her tribe, as she called them.

The adults all had the same expressions, the cats who’d eaten the canary and got away with it.  None of them acknowledged us when we arrived, and we just frowned at them.  There were no seats left at the table, so we gathered over by the windows.

Their children did not offer us their seats out of respect. And a conversation between Mathilde and her eldest son was clearly referencing us in derogatory terms.  The laughter was annoying.

And provocative?  Maybe.  But it wasn’t going to get a rise.

That’s when Ferguson came in.

The noise level didn’t abate, nor did he get the respect he deserved.  That’s when I saw him raise his hand and bring it down on the table with such force it caused the water in the jug to ripple.

It got their attention.

“This reading is for Albert’s four children from his first marriage, his second wife, and her three children.  No one else.  I will wait until this room is cleared before continuing.

“They are family.”  Mathilde sounded and looked offended.

“That may be, but your husband made a specific request about who may attend.  If you want to argue your case, get a lawyer and I’ll see you in court.  Otherwise, clear the room.”

I, for one, wouldn’t take issue with him.  He looked as angry as I felt.

Ferguson 1, Mathilde 0.

Her parents gathered up the children and left as requested.  A sullen silence settled over the room.  We sat at the end of the table, as far away from Mathilde and her children as we could get.

They had never accepted us as family, and all had been openly hostile towards us, mostly when our father was not home.

Mathilde glanced in our direction, then glared at Ferguson.  “What are they doing here?  They’re no longer family.  They abandoned their father, and if anyone is responsible for killing him, they are “

Ferguson glared back.  If she thought she could intimidate him, he was not a tall or heavy man, not like her sons; she was wrong.

He kept the stare going for nearly a minute until she began to squirm, when he fired the question, “Your opinion, if I get your meaning, is that you believe someone killed Albert?”

“I wouldn’t put it past them.”

Jeanne went slightly pink in the face, and I knew from experience that she was a sure sign she was about to explode.  “Not your first rodeo, eh Mathilde, trying to shift the blame.  Or should I call you Margaret?”

“What are you….”  Mathilde was gaining some colour as well.

Jeanne held up her phone.  “Detective Mandon, whom I know you are aware is investigating the suspicious death of my father,” with emphasis on the word ‘my’, “was extremely interested in the documents I gave him relating to another similar case in Ohio.  That’s where you said you came from.”

“Whatever you think you know, you’re wrong; jealousy and spite will get you nowhere.”

Jeanne put her phone down.  “You know his death is suspicious, and you’re deflecting.  Only someone with something to hide would do that.  You should have just sat there and shut up.”

She went to reply when her son, sitting next to her, put out a restraining hand and whispered in her ear.  She shook his hand off, but didn’t speak.

Ferguson looked at the combatants, calculating what it would take if a fight broke out.  Then, “The terms of the will are quite specific. If anyone sitting at this table had anything to do with Albert’s death, there’s nothing for you.”

He looked straight at Mathilde.  “You’ve been far from cooperative with the police.  You have made the claim that you should be compensated because, in your own words, ‘I have spent nearly every hour of every day for the last three months looking after him’.  Two points arise from that: the first, that no one, and especially the four children you are accusing, could have, nor anyone else, got near enough to give him a glass of water, let alone poison.  The other, again by your own admission, only you could have administered it.”

The son put another restraining hand on her and stopped her from removing it.  “You are twisting her words.”

“So you are admitting your mother lied.”

“Now you’re twisting my words.”

“No.  You just didn’t think things through before you wrote it down.”

Mathilde was now past angry.  Which, for someone who wanted to prove she was the loving and caring partner, certainly seemed agitated when the contrary was presented.

“You cooked this circus up together, didn’t you?”

My turn.  “Why didn’t you tell us when our father died?  In fact, when Jeanne called a few days after we now know he had died, one of your sons said he was still alive, and for us not to worry about him.”

She looked at her son, and he shrugged

“You got your dates mixed up.”

Jeanne, now strangely calm, said,  “I recorded the conversation, timestamped and filed away, with every other call I made.  Your son lied.  Why?”

She thought about what she would say, probably for the first time, and decided silence was a better option.

“Perhaps I might have an answer for you,” I said.  “You needed the time to try and empty the bank accounts before notifying the bank of his death.  The problem is, you couldn’t because he had to verify the transactions, a secondary process you were not aware of.  I’m guessing you saw the confirmation request but couldn’t bluff your way through it.  You knew he had several investment accounts, but he only granted you access to the everyday working account and a capped credit card.  If you killed him for his money, you failed.”

Her expression said all we needed to know.  It must have been hell in that house when she discovered she couldn’t get her hands on the main prize, about 30 million dollars.  I shuddered to think what the state of his study was after all of them ransacked it for evidence of his riches.  The paperwork would have been there somewhere, and he would not have had time to go cold before the search began.

How did I know this possible scenario?  The notifications the bank sent my father asking for his confirmation also came to me.  It was then I realised what those papers I’d signed meant.  I dug them out of the bottom of a proverbial shoebox and read them.

That’s when I realised something had happened.  He may not have been dead at the time, but totally incapacitated.  I was the only other signatory who could authorise her withdrawals.  It told me he hadn’t really trusted her completely.

“If I go home and have a look in his study, I’m willing to bet you ripped it apart looking for his access codes.  The thing is, he never wrote them down.  They died with him.”

She may have just worked out how to control her expression, but the boys hadn’t.  That house would now be little more than a rubbish tip.

Mathilde regained some composure, enough to say, “You asked us here to tell us what’s in the will.  My family needs some clarity about what arrangements he set in place for me.”

“Very well.  We’ll presume the assumption of innocence for all for the moment.  In normal circumstances, the will is quite simple in its provisions.”

An almost smug look returned to her face.

“It is important to note, before I read those provisions, the arrangements that were made some years ago, just after the death of his first wife and before he met and married you.”  Ferguson looked pointedly at Mathilde.  “At that time he decided to create a family trust, and then deposited the main investments and part of the funds from the sale of the house and several other properties into it.”

He paused, maybe to let that sink in, or to take a sigh of relief.  I remembered overhearing a conversation he had with our father over his finances, and the need to set up a trust to protect what he had and to provide for those he deemed worthy of an inheritance.

“He also created a working account where his share of the dividends from the trust’s investments were to be directed.  A few months later he transferred ownership of the trust to his four original children.”

It was a surprise to the other three, and until I got the requests for authorisation, I was equally in the dark.  Our father and Ferguson would have managed it without needing to defer to us, and his managers hip would have lapsed on his death

“What does all that mean?”  The smug look had gone, and the calculating mind had kicked in.

“It means Albert’s estate amounts to about a hundred and twenty-two thousand dollars.  The house was leased from the trust to him for a peppercorn rent as long as he lived.  Your continuing to rent the property will be at the discretion of the trustees.  Bear in mind that a tenant inspection is being carried out while you are here, as provided in the conditions of the rental agreement, and if the damages to the house exceed 5,000 dollars, you will be issued a notice of eviction.”

“You can’t do that.  He promised us he would look after us.”

“You didn’t ask the appropriate questions and made assumptions.  The rental agreement was made in his name.  He asked you if you wanted to be included on the lease agreement, but you declined.  If your name was on the rental agreement, it would be a different situation.”

“So, what do we get?”

“The car, and each a share of the 122 thousand or so in the working account and an investment account in both your names.  He had nothing else.”

One of the sons said, “And the dividends from the trusts.”

“Unfortunately, that money was at the discretion of the trustees, in his name only, and an arrangement made before you met him.  The agreement he signed with the trust was a contract of employment, which ceased on his death.  There will be some clean-up disbursements, vacation pay and possibly a bonus, but nothing significant.”

“And that’s it?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“We’ll sue.”  One of the other sons, probably the first time he looked as if he was paying attention, spoke.  “There’s no way at least half of whatever is in that trust is ours.  It has to be worth millions.  He was filthy rich.  You said he was the one with the money.”

Ferguson’s phone vibrated on the desk beside the file.  He picked up the phone and checked it, reading what must have been a text.  There was just a hint of a smile.

“If you decide to sue, which is your right, of course, any bequests will be withdrawn, and we can argue our case in court.”

There were raised voices outside the office, and when we looked through the windows looking out over the foyer, there were two uniformed police officers and two detectives.

“The tox report had come back, and as I understand it, Albert died from slow poisoning. I’m not sure what the details are, but the police have searched the house and found evidence which they need you to explain how and why it’s there, and why it is in some of the food you kept in the freezer.”

Mathilde looked at the eldest son.

“What?  It’s not my fault.”

“Shut up, you fool.”

The detective was ushered in, and without another word, we left, as all four of them immediately said they would not be cooperating until they called their lawyer.

I was positive Ferguson was not going to represent them.

…

The menagerie that was Mathilde’s family was rounded up and taken away.  Ferguson was glad to see the last of them.

Legally, we had known about the trust, if push came to shove, but the reality was Ferguson kept all of the letters, documents and correspondence at his office.

Our father didn’t want to burden us with complications of investing money or managing properties. Now? Perhaps we would have to.

It was a tidy sum, and we could draw a large income from the trust if we chose.  None of it could go to his new family.  They were only entitled to a share of his assistance and the time of the wedding.

It was watertight and could not be contested.

And if she, or any of them, were convicted of murder, then it was a moot point.

Jeanne’s final remark: “She was, after all said and done, just a gold digger.  All of them. I think we owe a great deal of thanks to Mr Ferguson for his diligence in protecting us from that dreadful woman and her family.”

Even so, I had a feeling we had not seen the last of Mathilde Watson.

…

©  Charles Heath  2026