U is for – Undercover
…
I think I had reached the point where I had so fully immersed myself in the role that I no longer knew who or what I had been before.
I had said it wouldn’t happen, and they said it would, and as time passed, they could see it, and I could not.
The gig was over.
The message came over the phone in their cryptic code, devised so that if anyone else saw it, it would look just like the title of a book, which it was.
“Where Eagles Dare”.
I had dared to fly higher than the mythical Icarus, but they said it was too close to the sun.
They were right.
Ballinger, the boss, was seated opposite me, gun in lap, giving me his most menacing look. He didn’t have to try too hard; the result of many beatings when he was a boy had given his face the look of a world-weary boxer who had to retire early.
Ever since I first met him, he had always been a man of short patience.
“I really am disappointed, Spence. Really disappointed.”
He glanced sideways at one of his henchmen, an equally scary gorilla called Lefty. He had another name, but I couldn’t pronounce it. Neither could anyone else.
Lefty said, as was expected of him, “Really disappointed.”
I was not sure if it was to emphasise Ballinger’s disappointment, or that he could parrot words on command like a dutiful henchman.
I would ask why, but I knew. There had been a ten-minute diatribe about how another of his henchmen, Wally, had discovered I was an undercover cop. He didn’t say how he came upon this interesting discovery.
“I was disappointed you didn’t promote me a month back, but I didn’t tie you up and express disappointment.”
Lefty slapped me so hard it knocked me sideways to the floor.
It hurt.
“Don’t be insolent to the boss,” Lefty said.
Another sideways glance from Ballinger at Lefty, and he picked me back up.
After shaking my head, I said, “You’re wrong, by the way. Do I look smart enough to be an undercover cop?”
“There aren’t any smart cops, Spence, so you fit the bill perfectly. What did you hope to gain?”
“Let’s cut the charade. How the hell could anybody ever assume I’m anything but just another dumb schmuck on your payroll? Seriously? A cop? I’ve seen what cops make, and I couldn’t survive on a cop’s salary. It’s why there are corrupt cops. You know that as well as I do, you’ve got about half a dozen on the payroll.”
“How do you know that?”
“You don’t exactly make it a secret. I’m sure their bosses know who they’re consorting with. Besides, when I got dragged into the station after Wally botched the simple job you gave him, and the cops were called, they told me I’d be smart if I walked away. I’m hoping it wasn’t Wally who’s suggesting I’m a cop simply because they hauled me away for questioning.”
His look confirmed what I already knew. Wally was working for the cops, and there were rumours that there was an undercover cop in Ballinger’s crew. Wally was spreading the blame to me to cover his backside after he nearly blew his cover. Wally was a rank amateur.
“You need to look closer to home.”
That interview with the police, about a week ago, was the first time I’d been back in over six months, the time it had taken to worm my way into the gang, albeit inside, but outside the part that mattered.
At first, they didn’t know who I was and treated me like a hard case, which was what I was portraying. Then the head of the task force discovered I was in the cells and came to see me. It hadn’t been like anything I’d expected.
He’d completely lost it.
Ballinger, by comparison, was a nice guy.
I told the head of the task force that keeping up regular contact with him was how they discovered the undercover cop who had preceded me, through a combination of surveillance and crooked cops on the payroll.
I said I wouldn’t get caught, and yet here I was.
There was a commotion outside, a woman loudly arguing with someone outside the door, and then a loud crashing sound.
Tina.
Ballinger’s daughter; very loud, very brassy, very spoilt.
She came into the room and stopped a short distance from her father.
“What are you doing?”
“Dealing with Spence. He’s an undercover cop.”
She looked at me, then her father, and then she laughed so hard she nearly fell over. “Spence a cop? Are you serious, or have you completely lost your mind?”
Lefty said, “Wally reckons he is.”
“Wally is dumb as dog shit, Lefty. He bungled the job so simple that he’s the one you should shoot. Spence got caught up in his mess.”
Ballinger looked at her, then Lefty, then me.
“Where’s Wally?”
“You’re asking me where your henchmen are? He’s probably down at the cop shop spilling his guts and asking for witness protection. You’re doing just what he wants, wasting your time on the wrong people while he gets away.”
Ballinger glared at Lefty. “Cut Spence free, then find Wally and kill him. Now.”
To the rest of the men in the room, “Don’t come back till Wally’s dead.” He looked at Tina. “You coming?”
“A word with Spence, then I’m right behind you.”
We both watched him and the men leave. I flexed my arms and legs to get the circulation flowing, then stood, slightly unsteadily.
“Thanks.”
She shrugged. “It’s either you or Wally, or both of you. I like you, Spence, so it better not be you. OK.”
“I’m too stupid to be playing both sides of the fence, Tina.”
She looked at me with a bemused expression. “One thing you ain’t, Spence, and that’s stupid. I don’t miss much, Spence, so don’t let me down.”
I shrugged. “Count on it.”
…
© Charles Heath 2026
Thrills, Spills, and just a dash of Romance 