Tag: #AtoZ

The A to Z Challenge – B is for – “Be careful what you wish for”

Everyone always wants to change their circumstances, particularly if you are among those who are not so well off.

My father always said, whenever we complained about not having enough money to go on holiday, or buy something we needed, that there was always someone worse off than we were.

As a child, I could hardly believe that was true when it looked like everyone else had everything they wanted.

As an adult, I promised myself that I would never be in those circumstances, that I would always have enough money.

And, of course, what you want, what you would like, and what really happens are very different outcomes, and no matter how much planning, or how many contingencies plans you have in place, a single event can wreck everything.

When you open the front door and see policemen, two thoughts cross your mind.  The first, they’re at the wrong place, the second, that something awful has just happened.

“George Williamson?”

It was the second.

“May we come inside?”

As I stood to one side, a thousand thoughts went through my mind until it settled on one, something had happened to Jane.

As she did on every Wednesday morning, she got up early, I made her breakfast, she kissed the tones and told them she would be back the next day, then headed for the airport for her weekly visit to hear office. 

When we had to move, her company agreed to let her work from home, and it was an arrangement that worked well, she was only missing for two days a week, and a week when the annual accounting was done.

She was due back this morning.

Instead, I had to police officers in my lounge room, looking very somber.

“Something has happened to Jane, hasn’t it.”  I almost couldn’t bring myself to say it.

The policewoman spoke.  It was like they had drawn straws and she got the short one.

“I’m very sorry to say your wife was involved in an accident this morning, on her way to the Atlanta airport.  We have just been informed she passed away.”

It was one of those moments when there were no words.  In fact, I was not sure what I felt in that moment other than a great sadness.

“How?” 

“We understand a car ran a red light, hit the limousine.  Had she been on the other side…”

Not much consolation in speculation.

“Do you have someone you can call; do you need us to arrange for support…”

“I have a sister, I’ll call her.  Thank you for coming and telling me, I guess this is not what you want to be doing at this time of the morning.”

“Part of the job, sir.”

I ushered them to the door and after reassuring them I would be OK, and getting out the phone to call my sister, they left.

The shock of it hadn’t set in.  As I closed the door, my thoughts turned to the twins, now at school.  They adored their mother and would be expecting her to pick them up from school.

I would have to get them before news of her death reached them.  These days, with the internet, someone would find out and it would be better to hear it from me.

“George?”

My sister, Eileen.  She had been amazed that I would find a girl like Jane let alone marry her.  She had always expected me to be the philandering bachelor.

“Something very bad has happened?”

“Jane?”

“Killed in a car crash this morning in Atlanta.  The police were just here.”

“Oh my God, George.  The girls.”

“I know.  I have to get to them.  Can you be here when I get home?  They’ll need you.”

“Sure.  On my way.”

Next call, the girl’s school.  I called the head Master and explained the situation, and he immediately had them brought to his office.

When I arrived, I put on my best ‘this is a happy day’ face and went in, mustering all of the courage I had to not look like something bad had happened.

The girls, of course, thought that their mother had arrived home early and come to get them.  She had done it before.

They were only mildly disappointed to see me.

“Mommy not here?”

“Sorry, you have to tolerate me for a while.  We have to go home and you’ve been given a day pass.”

Knowing how much they preferred not to be at school, the diversion worked.

The headmaster gave me a wan look as we left.

I fielded a hundred questions on the way home, all of which centered around what surprise Mom had in store for them, and the fact it had to be monumental since they had to go home early.

All the tome I was trying to think of a way to let them down gently, but there wasn’t one.  Being blunt wasn’t the way either, they deserved the truth.

As soon as they saw Eileen, I could see the hesitation and a note of trepidation.  Usually, Eileen came over when Jane was going to have an extended stay away.

“I need you two to go into the lounge and sit down.  I’ll be then in a minute.”

“Is mommy’s not coming home today?”

They knew something was wrong.

“I’ll be in in a minute and will explain everything.”

At least Eileen had to foresight not to show any sign of the distress I knew she must be feeling.

When the girls had gone into the room she gave me the teary-eyed look, and a hug.

“You must be devastated.”

“It hasn’t sunk in.  I’m still expecting her to walk in the door, and this is all a bad mistake.”

“The girls…”

“This is one time I hate the idea of being a father.”

“Then I’m glad you called me.  You could not break this alone.  They are going to be devastated.”

Everyone who knew her would be.

Once again I had to find the courage to keep it together, but at least I had support.

It went better than I expected.  At first, they thought it was an elaborate prank, though I was not sure how they could think that.

Then, when they realized it was true, they, like I was when I first heard the news, were in shock, and barely able to comprehend the reality of it.

I did remember saying at one point, “I wish she was still alive, and that she would walk back through that door…” but not able to finish.

So, we just sat there, in silence, the rest of the world passing by, going about its business.

Until there was another knock on the door.

I was going to ignore it, but a nod from Eileen got me off the seat.

Perhaps the police were back to tell me it was all a big mistake, and it was someone else who’d died.

I opened the door…

…and neatly had a heart attack.

“Jane?”

A wish come true?  Standing before me was a woman who looked exactly like Jane, down to the last detail, including the unmanageable whisp of hair.

“You must be George.  No, not Jane, Jill, the banished evil twin.  Now, where is she?”

…

©  Charles Heath 2022

The A to Z Challenge – A is for – “Are you sure you want to do this?”

It was a routine call, that a man was behaving strangely in a shopping mall.  It was passed from mall security to the local police, and then, when the man became agitated and produced a weapon, they called in the next line of police, and they called us.

At the scene, I counted 12 police cars, marked and unmarked, a van, SWAT, several fire and rescue trucks, and a host of bystanders, all crowding at the barrier that was set far too close to the exit.

“You don’t mind if I take the lead on this one?”  Josephine had been my partner for the last six months, at first training on the job, then started taking cases.  This would be her second.

“Not at all.  You’re ready.”

It was a relief, the last event was difficult, long, and both mentally and physically exhausting, but we saved the wife and two children.  There was never going to be an option to save the husband.  I realized too late that it had always been his aim to be killed by the police, and sadly, two trigger-happy deputies were only too happy to oblige.  A bad day all around, in the end.

Logistically, the mall had been emptied in a brief window when the man was engaged in talking to the local police, except for two shop assistants.  When the man realized what was happening, he had taken them both as hostages.  Had he not, we would have had a quiet afternoon.  Now, deputies were stationed inside the ball, cutting off an easy retreat, outside the front entrance, and one inside, but pinned down.

While we were en route, the local negotiator had been establishing communications with the perpetrator, and this had been completed when we got there.

The perpetrator had fired off seven shots, and it was estimated that he may have up to 12 remaining shots.  Based on the seven shots fired, it was assumed he was a very good shot, even though he had not hit anyone.

Nor had he made any demands, other than to suggest they find a proper negotiator, which was odd because the one in situ was one of the best in the country.

Josephine had been waiting for me to finish my observations, and, when I joined her, she dialed the perpetrator’s number.

“At last.”  Male, agitated, angry perhaps, but definitely on the edge.  The fact that he hadn’t threatened or harmed the hostages yet told me there was a chance this might be resolved.

“My name is Josephine McTrantor, can you start by telling me your name?”

“Is Oliver Strand there?”

That was me.  Surprise number one.

She looked at me, and I shrugged.  It was her negotiation.  “I will be handling the negotiations today, sir, but it would be helpful if I had a name?”

“He is there.  I want to talk to him.  I don’t want to talk to anyone else.  Tell him to call me when he’s ready.”

The line went dead.

“Well, that’s a little unusual,” the local police commander muttered.  He had been observing events from a distance, although he still had overall control of the situation.  “Your fame precedes you, Mr. Strand.”

“What would you like to do, sir?”  Josephine looked as though she would be more than happy to pass this on.

I held out my hand, and she put the phone in it.  “I suppose we should find out what he wants.  The trouble is, he hasn’t been making wild demands or threats, just getting our attention.  It makes me think there’s something else in play.”

I dialed the number.

When he answered, he said, “This better be Oliver Strand.”

“It is,” I said, “but you have me at a disadvantage.  What is your name, sir?”

“Gerald Rawlings.  We have matters to discuss, and I would prefer to do that in person.”

Railings.  That name had some significance, but for the moment I couldn’t think where or why.

“I will arrange safe passage to a neutral place, but it can’t be in the mall.”

“I’m not leaving here.  You will come to me, not the other way around.  I will exchange all if the hostages and allow you to remove everyone else, but only once you are here, with me.  You have an hour to comply otherwise the hostages die.”

Once again the phone went dead.

I looked at the phone, though I’m not sure why then put it on the makeshift table.  I looked at the police commander, “Well, now we know what he wants.  Me.”

“You’re not going to agree to those terms, because it seems to me he has an ax to grind.”

Then it hit me.  He did.  I knew the name was familiar.  He had what I presumed to be a brother, Axel Rawlings.  Two years before, another hostage situation, one that could have been avoided, only by the time we were called I’m, two hostages were dead, and there was nowhere for Axel to go, even if he surrendered, which he didn’t.

I had made progress, but some overzealous marksman took the shot, without my permission, and a tragedy followed, compounded by the fact the officer in question got off without any charges.

Now the past had caught up to the present.  I could have avoided that tragedy with a little more effort.  I wasn’t going to let history repeat itself.

“He does, and I know what this is about.” 

Josephine looked concerned.  “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“No, but if I don’t, then this is going to go down exactly the same as it did with his brother.”  I took the phone and dialed the number.  “Ten minutes, Gerald.  Be sure you honor your part of the deal.”

To the others, “I expect you all to remain on standby, but under no circumstances is anyone to take any shots unless I say so.  Is that clear?”

A nod from both.

Time enough to steel myself before going in.  I gave Josephine my gun, and they fitted a mike.  At least someone would be listening this time.

Ten minutes went by quickly.

“Wish me luck.”

I was going to need it.

© Charles Heath 2022

“Call me!” – a short story

You know what it’s like on Monday morning, especially if it’s very cold and the double glazing is failing miserably to keep the cold out.

It was warm under three blankets thick sheets and a doona, and I didn’t want to get up.

It doesn’t help if in the last few months, the dream job you once had turned into a drudge, and there was any number of reasons to stay home rather than go into the office. Once, that was trying to find an excuse to stay home because you’d rather go to work.

That was a long time ago or felt like it.

My cell phone vibrated; an incoming message, or more likely a reminder. I reached out into the icy wasteland that was the distance from under the covers to my phone on the bedside table. It was very cold out there, and for a moment I regretted that impulse to check.

It was a reminder; I had a meeting at HR with the manager. I had thought I might be eligible for redundancy since the company was in the throes of a cost-cutting exercise. Once I might have been apprehensive, but now, given my recent change in department and responsibility, I was kind of hoping now that it was.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Time to get up sleepy head. You have a meeting to go to, not one to be late.”

It felt strange to wake up with someone else in the bed. My luck in that department hadn’t been all that hood lately, but something changed, and at the usual Friday night after-work drinks at the pub, I ran into one of the PA’s I’d seen around, one who was curious to meet me as much as I was to meet her.

One thing had led to another and when I asked her if she wanted to drop in on the way home, she did.

“I’d prefer not to. I can think of better things to do.”

“So, could I but that’s not the point. Five more minutes, then I’m pushing you out.”

She snuggled into my back, and I could feel the warmth of her body, and having the exact opposite effect than she intended. But she was right. It was important, and I had to go. But, in the meantime, it was four more minutes and counting.

When you get a call from the head of HR it usually means one of two things, a promotion, or those two dreaded words, ‘you’re fired’, though not usually said with the same dramatic effect.

This year had already been calamitous enough getting sidelined from Mergers and Acquisitions because I’d been usurped. That was the word I was going with, but it was to a certain extent, my fault. I took my eye off the ball and allowed someone else to make their case.

Of course, it helped that the person was connected to all the right people in the company, and, with the change in Chairman, it was also a matter of removing some of the people who were appointed by the previous incumbent.

I and four of my equivalent managers had been usurped and moved to places where they would have less impact. I had finished up in sales and marketing, and to be quite honest, it was such a step-down, I had already decided to leave when the opportunity presented itself.

My assistant manager, who had already put in his resignation, was working out his final two weeks. I told him to take leave until the contract expired, but he was more dedicated than that. He had got in before me and was sitting at his desk a cup of coffee in his hand and another on the desk.

“How many days?”

“Six and counting. What about you? You should be out canvassing. There are at least three other places I know would be waiting to hear from you.”

“It’s still in the consideration phase.”

“You’re likely to get the chop anyway, with this thing you have with Sharkey.”

Sharkey was the HR manager.

You know something I don’t?” I picked up the coffee, removed the lid, and took in the aroma.
“They’re downsizing. Broadham had decided to go on a cost-cutting exercise, and instead of the suggested efficiencies we put up last year, they’re going with people. I don’t think he quite gets it.”

“You mean my replacement doesn’t know anything about efficiency. He makes a good yes man though, telling Broadham exactly what he wants to hear.”

Broadham, the new Chairman, never did understand that people appointed to important positions needed to have the relevant qualifications and experience. My replacement had neither. That was when the employees loyal to the previous Chairman had started leaving.

We had called it death, whilst Broadham had called it natural attrition. He didn’t quite understand that so far, over 300 years of experience had left, and as much again was in the process of leaving.

“Are you going to tell Sharky you’re leaving?”

“I’ll wait and see what he has to say. I think he knows the ship is sinking.”

There wasn’t much I didn’t know about the current state of the company, and with the departures, I knew it was only a matter of time. Sharky was a good man, but he couldn’t stem the tide.

He also knew the vagaries of profits and share prices, and we had been watching the share price, and the market itself. It was teetering, and in the last few months, parcels of shares were being unloaded, not a lot at one time, but a steady trickle.

That told me that Broadham and his cronies were cashing in while the going was good, and quite possibly were about to steer the ship onto the rocks. The question was who was buying, and that, after some hard research I found to be certain board members. Why, I suspected, was to increase their holdings and leverage, but I don’t think they quite realized that there would be nothing left but worthless stock certificates.

It was evidence, when I finally left, that I would pass on to the relevant authorities.

In the meantime, I had a meeting to go to.

“Best of luck,” my assistant muttered as I passed his desk.

“If I don’t return, I will have been escorted from the building. If that happens, call me.”

It had happened before. When people were sacked, they were escorted to their office, allowed to pack their belongings, and were then escorted to the front door. It would be an ignominious end to an illustrious career, or so I’d been told by the girl who was no doubt still asleep in my bed.

She had heard the whispers.

The walk to the lift, the traversing of the four floors to the executive level, and then to the outer office where Sharkey’s PA sat took all of three minutes. I had hoped it would be longer.

“He’s waiting for you,” she said, “go on in.”

I knocked on the door, then went in, closing it behind me. “Now, sir, what on earth could you want to see me about?

© Charles Heath 2021

Going once, going twice… – a short story

It was the small town that we had visited once, some years ago, that had enticed me back.

Those had been happier times, times when the stench of money hadn’t overtaken sensibility, and who we really were.

Not that I had changed all that much, except for the upper west side apartment, and posh car to go with it, but what had disappointed me was the change in Liz, the woman I thought once was the love of my life.

Without the trappings of wealth, she was the kindest, most thoughtful, and generous person I knew, but that had changed when I became the recipient of an inheritance that beggared belief.  We both made a promise from the outset that it would not change us, but unfortunately, it did.

And that was probably the main reason I was standing outside an old fixer-upper house on several acres overlooking the ocean.

I’d asked Liz to come, but she was having a weekend away in Las Vegas with her new friends, or as one of the ladies rather salaciously said, a what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas kind of weekend.

Charmaine had told me about the house, one that she had admired for a long time, but didn’t have the means to buy it.

Charmaine was a painter, a rather good one, and both Liz and I had met her on a weekend away upstate, and I’d bought one of her landscapes to hang in our new apartment.  Liz hated it, but I think that had more to do with the painter than the painting, and that was because Charmaine had flirted with me, and that, I had observed over time, was how she was with everyone.

She called it her sales technique.  After all, it had worked on me.

I listened to the auctioneer go through the rules of the action and then move on to a physical description of the property.  I’d been to several viewings and got a promising idea of what was needed if I were to buy it.  It had good foundations and suffered from a lack of TLC.  It was how the auctioneer summed up.

When he called for the first bid, I felt a hand slip into mine, and a glance sideways showed it to be Charmaine.  I had asked her along for support, but she had something else to do, but it appeared now, that she hadn’t.

“So,” she whispered next to my ear, “you were serious about this place?”

I had been dithering, not being able to make my mind up, but Liz, in the end, made the decision for me.  I’d overheard a snippet of conversation with one of her new friends, and to be honest, I’d been surprised.

“Perhaps it was time to find a hideaway.”

“Things that bad?”

I shrugged.  “Maybe I’m writing too much into it.  At any rate, I needed an excuse to get out of town, and being here was as good as any.”

The first bid came in at 450,000.   I knew the reserve was about 700,000, and I was prepared for 850,000.  But I was hoping to spend less than that because the renovations would be about 250,000.

“We could go and have a picnic.  It’ll certainly cost less than buying this place.”

“I’m here now.”

Holding hands was just one of Charmaine’s ‘things’, and I had never written anything into what might have been called a relationship of sorts.  We were not lovers, and the conversation had never been steered in that direction, but I did find myself gravitating towards her when Liz was off doing her thing with her friends.  To be honest, I just liked the idea of a picnic and watching Charmaine paint her landscapes.

I raised the bid to 500,000.  Another from the previous bidder, 550,000.  Another at 600,000.  It seems there were three bidders for the property.  The other sixteen people attending were observers, probably locals interested in how this would help their property value.

I went 625,000 when the auctioneer changed the increment after a lack of bidding.  It was countered, moving to 650,000.  Another at 657,000, and then the first bidder went to 700,000, the reserve.

“You do realize the other bidders are friends of the owner and are there to push the price up?” Charmaine whispered in my ear.

I’d heard of it happening, but I’d not suspected it until she mentioned it.

“Going once, going twice at 700,000.”  The auctioneer looked at me.  “I’ll accept 10,000 increments.”

I nodded.  710,000.  It quickly moved to 800,000, after I bid 790,000.

The auctioneer looked at me expectantly.  “810,000, sir?”

That was more than I wanted to spend though an elbow in the ribs was the clincher, and when I declined, there was an air of disappointment.

“Going once, going twice, all done at 800,000?”  A look around the crowd confirmed we were all done, and the gavel came down.

“Looks like we’re going on a picnic,” she said.  “I’d expect a call in an hour or so.”

Two things happened that weekend, both of which surprised me.  The first, Charmaine was right, I did get a call, and finished up with a hideaway in the country, overlooking the ocean.  The second, Liz didn’t come back from Las Vegas.  She had apparently found someone new, someone more exciting, or so she said.

I guess I was disappointed but not overly concerned.  She had changed and I had not and if the truth be told, we were drifting apart.  We parted amicably, sold the apartment, and moved on, each in a different direction.

I had a new residence, and renovations to take my mind off the break-up, and when I told Charmaine, she just said she didn’t believe we were that perfect match.  And in the light of my new status, I could now ask her to come and stay in the spare bedroom, a lot better, I said, than the one-person tent she had been using, an offer she readily accepted.

Until, a year later, it became something more than that.

…

© Charles Heath 2020-2021

Bloody hell… – a short story

The cell phone’s insistent and shrill ring dragged my mind away from the crossword, and after a fairly mild curse, I picked it up.

Sidney, my brother.  Odd he was calling me at this hour of the night.

“What,” I barked into the microphone.

“That’s no way to speak to your baby brother.”  His smooth tones rarely reached a screaming point, which was often the reason why mine did.

And who called the younger brother ‘baby’ brother these days?

“What do you want?”

A hesitation.  He was in trouble again, I could feel it.

“Can you come down to the bar?  I seem to have left my wallet at home.”  Sheepish, and just enough to stop me from yelling at him.  It was not the first time, nor would it be the last.

“I told you the last time was the last time.”

“Just this once, please?”

I shook my head.  That was probably my biggest fault, giving in to him.  After our mother had died, and our father had to work, it was left to me to bring him up.  He was going to be the death of me yet.  “Where?”

“The usual place.”

I was surprised because the last I’d heard they’d banned him from going in there.  It was only a twenty-minute walk from my apartment, but, late at night, and in winter, there was snow in the air.  And the odd snowflake falling, a prelude to much worse.

About a hundred yards from the bar I had a shiver go down my spine.  I’d not had that for a long time, not since school, and the trouble with Wiley, the school bully.  Wiley had graduated to the local thug, done a few stints in jail, and last I heard he had been sent down for a few years for an assault.

I stopped and took a moment.  Perhaps karma was trying to tell me something.

I shrugged.  Just in my imagination.  I reached the door, took a moment then went in.  He was standing by the bat looking a little apprehensive.  He was in more trouble than just not paying his bar bill.

Close up I could see the fear in his expression.  “Bloody hell, Sid, what have you done now?”

“A problem that he insists his older brother would be happy to pay for.”

I knew that voice and felt instant dread.

Wiley.

In the flesh, and not looking very happy at all.

…

© Charles Heath 2020-2021

The A to Z Challenge – W is for – “Why don’t you believe me?”

I didn’t get to meet her handler and that was not a surprise, she was very careful in how she managed her last days with me, at a remote site which, when she requested it, should have set off an alarm bell.  If I was suffering from terminal cancer, I would want to be as near to medical help as I could, not as far away as possible.

OK, I have to admit, after she told me her sob story about having cancer, I was a little sneaky and made some ‘inquiries’.  Yes, she did have a cancerous growth, but it had been removed and classified benign.  It was, I discovered, not too dissimilar to a problem she had when she was fifteen, but the resolution back then basically sterilized her.

Not wanting to have children, and not being able to have children were two entirely different issues, and it was going to be one of our talking points at the cabin.

So, on the basis that this whole exercise was for some other reason than spending her last days with me, I decided to run with her story, and not be too demanding.  Kyle was right about me when it came to Janine.  My heart ruled my head, and common sense didn’t apply to any decisions I made about her.  Perhaps she knew that.

The one interesting take was that assumption there was a credible threat against her.  I’ve seen TV shows, where heading into the forest seems a good idea, but remote locations like the cabin only make for a better hunting ground for the hunters, not the prey.

I knew that only too well, because hunting was built into our DNA by my father who, if he had a choice would have preferred to live back in the early 1800s.  It’s why we had this cabin and the 400 acres that surrounded it.

That she remembered we had it was interesting because she had only been to it once, and hated it.  Too far away from the glitter and glamour of the city.

When I told Kyle of her visit, the reasons, and the request, he simply snorted.  In the day I had to think about it, I had basically come to the same conclusion he had, that this was another of her games, only this time I was involved, and for him, that was unforgivable.

“I’m coming with, Dan.  You won’t be doing this alone.”

“But…”

“I’ll set the place up, put in some perimeter security, as best we can, and make sure her bodyguard doesn’t get too close.  If there is a credible threat, then it won’t get within a hundred yards of the cabin.  You have my word.  I’m about to send word to the hunting part.  They’re going to meet me there.  We’ll stay at the old Rogers place.”

“Haven’t you got a life?”

“Not when my little brother is in trouble.  This girl, I’m not going to say I told you so, but they don’t change their spots, no matter how long she lived with you before reverting.  You can’t even be sure she wasn’t playing around during those years, Dan.  But I accept that you love her, but it’s really wasted on her, despite what she says.  I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I don’t.  Not anymore.  But hopefully, she will trip up and I will find the reasons to finally step away.”

“You’re too forgiving, Dan, but one of us has to be.  Your sister and I, well, we had to grow up before our time, and it’s not hard to become cynical about everyone and everything.  Just stay the way you are.  I’ll take care of everything else.”

…

The arrangement was I would collect Janine from the hotel where she was staying.

She had called earlier and asked if I would stay with her, have dinner, and see where it went.  I was not sure how I felt about staying with her, after all this time, and what I knew about her, but it was not the time to make her suspicious.

I arrived late, and she was waiting at the bar in the dining room.  She had an evening gown on that would turn heads, and as it always did when she looks so incredibly beautiful, my heart did somersaults.  Perhaps she knew that too.

I tried to relax, but there were so many thoughts running through my head that it was like white noise, and I couldn’t hear anything else.

My distraction was not exactly annoying her, but she was not happy.

“It’s Kyle, isn’t it?”

“Actually, no.  When I told him what we were planning, I expected him to go ballistic.  He did not.  He actually said that if it was true, then that gesture on your part, to try and give back a lot of what we lost, before it was too late, well, that moved him.”

I’d been practicing that speech in front of a mirror until I could deliver it without the cynicism, or condescension it deserved.

“That doesn’t sound like him.”

“No.  It doesn’t.  But you have to remember, it was left to Kyle and my sister to look after me, and I wasn’t the best of children.  He has a right to be overly protective, so from this point, you will not say anything disparaging about him.  In fact, he doesn’t need to be one of our topics of conversation.”

“OK.”

Champagne arrived, and not the cheap stuff.  She still had expensive tastes, and I had to wonder if this little sojourn was on my tab.  I smiled and drank.  It was nothing to me if it cost a hundred dollars or ten.  I was a beer man, like my Dad.

“You don’t believe me, do you?”

“About what?”

“Being ill, dying.  After all, I’ve offered no proof, and you’ve asked me for none.”

“Call me stupid, but I thought if we were going to make things work that a little trust, on both sides, wouldn’t go amiss.”

I knew she wasn’t stupid enough to think that I would fall for the death story, especially when I related it to Kyle.  I suspect proof, of a sort, would be back in the room, in an envelope that I would not open.

“You can trust me.”

Entrée arrived, some sort of fish concoction she had ordered and told me was to die for.  I was not a fine dining person, she was.  I had to hope the next course was steak.

I let that ‘you can trust me’ statement pass without comment.  Not until I finished the fish, or at least I think it was fish.

“The first time you came to London.  You were talking about going to Tuscany, a villa to rebuild.”

“I meant what I said.”

“As you did, I’m guessing when you were talking about me to what I now know was your handler outside.  Did you for one minute ask yourself why I would throw away the phone and ghost you?  I was going Togo with you.  You had me, again.  Trust has to be earned, and once lost, is very hard to get back.  You of all people should understand that.  Don’t play me for a fool.”

“I thought Kyle had got to you.  It was my handler’s idea, I had to get away again, an occupational hazard it seems, and I wanted to spend some time with you.  It would have been just us, I promise.”

“But with an expiry date.  It was always about the job, not us.  It’s never been about us.  In fact, if I spend too much time thinking about it, the idea of marrying me was yours, planned and executed with precision, always with a view of going back to work.  In fact, I’m willing to bet it never stopped.”

“That was not how it was.  I was everything you wanted me to be.”

“Yes.  But was it all a grand performance?”

“No.  I loved you.  You know that.  We both were destined for each other from that first day in Elementary school.  with everything since, nothing had ever matched that feeling I have when I’m with you.  And I miss it terribly.“

The girl in the red dress, the prom queen that had a line of boys beating the path to her door, and yet she chose me, the least likely boy in the school.  There had to be some element of truth in her words, but right then, I wouldn’t allow myself to believe it.

The man who was her handler just tried to sneak in the front door.

© Charles Heath 2022

“Return to sender” a short story

We all make mistakes, errors of judgment, stupidly or otherwise.

I’ve made a few, just like in the words of a song that rattled around in my head for a long time after.

Regrets, I’ve had a few, but there was one that, in the end, I didn’t.

But I guess it took a while to get to that point.

Sometimes it’s hard to work out why, sometimes because it’s simply time, others, well when you look back you realize that it should have happened for so many reasons, but at the time you couldn’t see the wood for the trees.

We were in a bad place.

I’d been spending too much time traveling in a job that I had begun to hate, and I could see our relationship slipping away.  It was not that neither of us cared for the other, or even stopped loving each other, it was simply the stresses of everyday life.

And it was not as if Chloe didn’t have a high-pressure job, the one she had always wanted, and the one, we agreed, nothing would get in the way if she was given the opportunity.

I was happy with that, and for her.  She was as entitled to have her dream job, as I was.  I thought, I think we both thought, and believed, that would be the foundation of a good relationship.

And it was, to begin with.

There’s a point where there is a catalyst, that action, or statement, or person, or moment in time that comes along like a wrecking ball, and sets a series of events in motion, and no one really knows where it’s going to land or it’s effect.

That event?

I came home early and saw an old friend of mine, Roger, leaving our house.  OK, not so much a big deal, except for the send-off.  Still, even then it might not be such a big deal, because I knew Chloe was a very affectionate, touchy feely sort of person.

It used to faze me, way back in the beginning, but she had said and proved, that I was the love of her life, and that others, well, she made them feel special.

I thought no more about it, of course, and I didn’t even mention it, though at the time when I did walk in the door, she seemed distracted.

And I would not have thought about it again until Roger’s wife, Melissa, called one morning, though why she would call me was a mystery, to say that she was planning to surprise Roger in Las Vegas.

OK, I was suitably surprised, thinking that she was suggesting that Chloe and I should both go and make a weekend of it.  We had done it before because Melissa was a travel agent, and sometimes got airline and hotel deals that made it affordable.

I remember saying that as far as I was aware Chloe was in Pasadena doe the week on a conference.

No, she said, Chloe was co-incidentally in Las Vegas and Roger had accidentally run into her.

Should alarm bells be going off, I wondered, when that sliver of memory of him leaving popped back into my mind?  No, it was just me, running around like a headless chook, failing to read her diary correctly.

I simply said, fine, and told her to make the arrangements.

It was going to be a surprise because I hadn’t seen Chloe for two or three weeks, time seemed to pass too quickly these days, and it would be good for the both of us to spend some time together, away from home and the stresses of our respective jobs.

…

I met Melissa at the airport.  Unlike Chloe, she was traveling light with only a carry-on bag.  I was used to moving fast and light with a bag that fitted in the overhead locker.

Sher had secured business class which was a treat because, in this day and age of economics, that perk had disappeared a while back and was only available to the senior staff.

Onto the fourth glass of champagne, she dropped her bombshell, whether deliberate or otherwise I was never sure.

“It was very nice of Chloe to find Roger a job in her company.”

Did she, I thought.  It was the first time I’d heard about it, and my expression must have given me away.

“You didn’t know.”

“Chloe never mentioned it, no.  But it is like her.”  She had also employed members of her family that, in my opinion, wouldn’t get a job anywhere else.

“Odd, don’t you think?  It’s been about a year now.  His company went broke, and all the employees were tossed out onto the street with nothing.”

A year was a long time to forget to tell someone.  “Has it.  Perhaps it just slipped her mind.  She doesn’t tell me everything that goes on, nor do I want to know unless she thinks it’s important.”

Except employing my best friend was important, and it surprised me that he hadn’t told me himself.  He was never backward in bragging about his achievements.  Odd, yes, that he hadn’t told me he’d lost his other job.

…

Melissa had found out the hotel they were staying in, how I had no idea and didn’t ask, and it was simply a matter of telling the front desk clerk their spouses had arrived, and without question, he handed over the keys.

They were staying on different floors which to me made sense.  I wasn’t expecting they would be staying together, but I had an awful feeling Melissa had.

On the floor, I went to the room and knocked on the door.

A minute later the door opened.  Chloe, still in her nightgown, and an expression which lasted a fraction of a second before it registered surprise.

“Tom!”

Any other time, I might have thought she was expecting someone else.

Then my phone buzzed, an incoming message and I looked at it.

From Melissa.  “Lobby, now.”

I looked up, thought how beautiful she still looked, and said, “Hold that thought.  I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Then I closed the door and headed for the elevators.

Once inside and going down, my brain finally registered what it had just seen.  A woman prime for sex with that lustful look she used to have when we were first married.  Yes, she had been expecting someone, only not me.

Yet, in that moment of realization, I wasn’t mad at her or angry.  She was exactly where she was because of me, and my lack of consideration.  I had several opportunities to toss in the job that was clearly causing us issues, and I didn’t.  It was inevitable we were going to end up here.

When I stepped out of the elevator, I looked for Melissa, but she was not immediately noticeable.  Then, a further scan showed she was outside, and not in a good state.  When I reached her, it was evident she had been crying, and she was angry.

“Is it what I think you’re going to say?”

She nodded.  “When he opened the door, his first words were, “Chloe you sly fox, back for seconds?  And then nearly had a heart attack when he saw me.

“I’m sorry.  But did you have an idea this might happen?”

She nodded.

It explained everything, the hints, the sadness, the trip.  Obviously, she had known about it for some time.

I gave her a hug, and she melted into my arms, and we stayed that way until I saw Roger coming out of the elevator, looking around.

“Roger’s coming,” I said.

“I don’t want to see him, much less talk to him.”

“Then I’ll head him off.  Do you want to go home?” Again she nodded.  “Then get a taxi to the airport and I’ll be along in a short time.  I’ll text you when I’m leaving.”

A quick look in Roger’s direction, she headed to the taxi rank, and just as Roger came out the door, her taxi departed, leaving him standing there.

He saw me coming towards him, and to give him credit, he didn’t run.  It would be difficult for him to know exactly how I might react.

“Tom.”

“My best friend, Roger.  I might have been able to cope if it was some random guy, but not you.”

“Look…”

If he was going to try and justify himself, or make excuses, I didn’t want to hear it.  “Now is not the time.  I’m going to take Melissa home, and I suggest you take the time to figure out how you are going to deal with her because I’m not the problem.”

He was going to reply but possibly thought twice about it.  Instead, he shrugged.  “Later then.”

I watched him go back inside.  What I should have done, then, was go back to see Chloe.  The thing is, I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want the conversation to descend into blame, or worse.  Better I just head for the airport and come to grips with what I was going to do next.

…

As expected, about five minutes after the taxi had left for the airport, Chloe called.

“I’ve been expecting you,” she said.  Her tone was not confident, but a little bit hesitant.

“Sorry.  Roger came looking for Melissa, and seeing him, well, that just threw me.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you?”

“About?”

“Going to Pasadena.  I came here to end it because it made me realize what was missing between us, and I wanted it back.”

“And if Melissa hadn’t played out her worst fears that would have worked.  The world, it seems, works in mysterious ways.”

If I thought about it, I might have had suspicions, but I was not the sort of person to let them get the better of me.  And had it not been for Melissa, my ignorance would have been bliss.

“What is it telling us, then, Tom?”

“That we need to take a step back.  I know that I’m to blame as much as anything else, and although you might find it hard to believe, I don’t hate you, nor am I angry with you.  For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.  I saw the signs and I didn’t do anything about it.  We’ll talk when you come home.”

I disconnected the call.  My voice had broken, and I hadn’t realized just how much it had affected me, suddenly overcome with great sadness.

…

I didn’t go home.

On the plane back, I realized that where I lived was just a house.  It wasn’t mine, Chloe’s success had contributed most towards it, and everything else.  If I was to be objective, there really wasn’t anything of me there.

It was easy to walk away.

When Chloe came home and found me missing, she called, three times before I answered.  I had thought long and hard about what we had together, and whether or not we could get over what had happened.  Perhaps, if she hadn’t lied about where she was, perhaps if it had not been Roger, my best friend, who, by the way, was no longer my best friend, I might have considered we had a chance.

But the trust was broken, and I’d always be wondering.  She was successful, she had everything she ever wanted, and she was a grown woman who had to take responsibility for her actions.

She would always be the love of my life; it’s just I couldn’t live with her.  We spoke about divorce, but it never seemed to happen.  I think she always had the notion that we would eventually get back together.

We parted friends but never seemed to travel in the same circles.  On our twentieth wedding anniversary, she sent me a letter, perhaps thinking it was the only way she could speak to me, I had long since traded my old phone in for a new one, in another country.

I toyed with the idea of reading it, but in the end scrawled on it black capital letters, “Not known at this address, return to sender”.  It was time to move on.

…

© Charles Heath 2021

The A to Z Challenge – “Very well, I’ll tell you the truth”

From the age of 23, my life had been a complete work of fiction, and I have been so wrapped up in that web of lies that I no longer knew what was true and what wasn’t.

23 years and 1 day to be exact, the day after my birthday.  It was the last thing I remembered about who I might have been.

Before a truck nearly wiped me out, destroyed my car, and very neatly me with it.

My survival had been described as a miracle, a triumph for the bionic engineers who got a subject to implant their technology, overcoming the bans for creating and installing such technology in humans by simply not telling anyone.

It was why, when I work up, I was in a small room buried a long way from the surface of the planet, a sort of Frankenstein’s secret laboratory.

But I didn’t know any of this, not for a long time, not till things started to go wrong.

All I knew was what I was told, and that was that I was very lucky to be alive, that I had the best team of surgeons, and they had quite literally glued me back together.

Judging by the number of bandages, I could believe them.  It took six months for all of the operations to be completed, and another few for the skin grafts and physical healing.

Not only they were impressed by the way I had recovered, but when I finally got to look at the new me, it was as if nothing had ever happened.  Certainly, this time around, I was much better looking, physically fit, and tired, but mentally, I was still on a knife-edge.

That accident replayed in my head at least once every day, and that would probably never leave me.  There were other jumbled memories in my head that I couldn’t make sense of, of people who looked like aliens, to be in what might call a laboratory.

And then one recurring, of a woman who might have been an angel or a doctor, or both.  She never spoke, just remained by my side nearly all the time, sitting there observing me.

It felt strange, but it was not uncomfortable.  And it was hard to tell if the memories were real or just my imagination because since I’d woken and returned to what they called the real world I had not seen her again.

…

I never understood what the expression red-letter day meant, other than in the current context, it was to be the day they sent me home.

There were moments when I never thought I’d see home again, and then moments where I knew no one would recognize me.

The reality is they wouldn’t.  In saving me, they completely reconstructed me, from the face down.  When I first looked in the mirror my face was bandages.  Then I’d was scarred and almost bloody pulp.  In the end, staring back at me was the face of someone I didn’t know.

It was the price of being saved, but somewhere behind the tonal inflection of the plastic surgeon was the real reason for the transformation, and perhaps it didn’t have to be that way.

But I was grateful and didn’t want to rock the boat. It just makes it that little bit more difficult to consider re-joining the world.

I’d been escorted to a large lounge that overlooked a snow-covered mountain range, where the sky was blue and the sun shone brightly, giving the whole scene a sort of shimmering effect.

A touch of the glass that separated outside from in was very, very cold to the touch.  Was this a secret hideaway in the Swiss mountains, and had I been in a secret laboratory?

Or was this another planet?

Was it the drugs they’d been going me every day making me like this, unsure, uncertain, unsettled, and afraid?

I’d been brought to the room and left there, and for a half-hour I alternately sat, made coffee, stood and admired the scenery, checked all of the books in the bookcase, the bottles of alcohol in the bar, then sat again, trying to dispel the nerves.

Then the door opened, the one I tried and found locked, and to my surprise, the angel walked in, looking more beautiful than ever.

I watched her walk across the room, mesmerized.

She stopped in front of me, smiled, then sat in the chair opposite, or rather not so much sit as curl up into the contours of the seat, feet tucked under her, and arm outstretched across the back, almost as if she was inviting me to snuggle into her.

“How are you this morning Matthew?”

Her voice was equally mesmerizing, and I would be happy to listen to her reading a book or the definition of rocket science.

“Very well.”

“It’s been a long road, sometimes difficult, sometimes almost impossible, but we got there in the end.  You are, according to the doctors, fully recovered, and it’s time for you to leave.”

“About that…”

“You have questions, I suspect, and a lot of them.  They will be answered, all in good time.  But for the present, we will not be casting you out to fend for yourself.  I will be coming with you, your intermediary so to speak while you reassimilate.  Of course, you cannot go back to the life you had before, that life, that person no longer exists.  For all intents and purposes, you had died on the operating table after the accident.”

“That was not what I understood.”

What I had understood was very hazy, after they had brought me to the facility.  Bits and pieces of that night, of the accident, and the aftermath, of being in the hospital, and what I thought was me looking down at me on an operating table, being declared dead.

And then being whisked away in an ambulance to somewhere else where there were more doctors and nurses, and a man in a suit saying ‘sign this if you want to live‘.

I was not sure what I signed, then, but now, it was to save my life, but at what cost?

“Things are not always as they seem.  You have been treated with largely experimental treatments that otherwise could not be performed on people within the current medical regime.  Your life, however, was never in any danger, and, as you can see, you have recovered remarkably.  All we ask is that you accept the responsibility of being one of the few that have been granted a second life.  I am also another such person, and it will be my honor to help you through what can be a difficult stage, reintegration.  You are, for all intents and purposes, Andrew Tavener, but as he is no longer alive, your name will be Mathew Welles.  I was once Mary Ballen, I’m now Felicity Welkinshaw.  Names are only a part of who you are now.”

It was beginning to sound like I was one of a select group.  That Felicity was like me, and she accepted who she was, now.  Perhaps things were not so bad, a good job, and a girl like Felicity as a friend, perhaps that was only a small price to pay.

Except…

“So, I cannot go back to where I lived, where I worked, see those people I once knew, friends, family?”

“Not as Andrew, no.  But, when we believe you can manage it, you will be able to see those people but only as an outsider who has forged a relationship with all or any of them.  However, there is one exception, Wendy.  You cannot see her, not even accidentally meet her.  For that reason, your new life will be as a new junior executive for the company that oversees the medical research that you have been treated, in England.  It is for the best, and you will come to realize that.”

I shrugged.  It could be worse.  But there was something else on my mind.  Something borne out of a lot of fractured memories, after coming to the facility.

“This is going to sound very freakish, but I have to ask.  Am I still human?”

Those odd memories, I thought I was being ‘assembled’.

“Yes, though a number of what may seem like robotic changes have been made, what we regard as the next step in human evolution.  Now, I think it’s time for our going away party.  Everyone will be there.”

She stood, and held out her hand.

I took it and had an immediate tingling sensation, such a human reaction.

Followed by a single memory that came back right at that moment, a snippet of a conversation I’d overheard.

“He’s the best god-damned robot we’ve made to date, even better than Felicity, and that’s saying something.”

And the face of the man was the first one I saw as I entered the room.

Why did I notice him? 

Because I looked exactly like him.

© Charles Heath 2022

“Going out of my mind…” – a short story

Accidents can happen.

Sometimes they’re your fault, sometimes they’re not.

The accident I was in was not. Late at night driving home from work, a car came speeding out of a side street and T-boned my car.

It could have been worse, though the person who said it had a quite different definition of the word worse than I did.

To start with, I lost three months of my life in a coma, and even when I surfaced, it took another month to realize what had happened. Then came two months of working out my recovery plan.

If that wasn’t trial enough, what someone else might describe as the ‘last straw that broke the camel’s back’, my wife of 22 years decided to send me a text that morning, what was six months in hospital, to the day.

“I’m sorry, Joe, but enough is enough. I cannot visit you anymore, and for the sake of both our sanity, I think it’s time to draw a line in the sand. I know what happened isn’t your fault but given the prognosis, I don’t think I can cope with the situation. I need time to think about what will happen next and to do so, I’ll be going home to spend some time with family. Once again, I’m so sorry not to be doing this in person. I’ll let you know what I decide in due course. In the meantime, you have my best wishes for your recovery.”

In other words, goodbye. Her family lived in England, about 12,000 miles away in another hemisphere, and the likelihood of her returning was remote. We had meant to visit them, and had, in fact, booked the tickets shortly before the accident. I guess she couldn’t wait any longer.

My usual nurse came in for the first visit on this shift. She had become the familiar face on my journey, the one who made it worth waking up every morning.

“You look a little down in the dumps this morning. What’s up?”

She knew it couldn’t be for medical reasons because the doctor just yesterday had remarked how remarkable my recovery had been in the last week or so. Even I had been surprised given all the previous negative reports.

“Ever broken up by text?”

“What do you mean?”

“Frances has decided she no longer wants to be involved. I can’t say I blame her, she has put her whole life on hold because of this.”

“That’s surprising. She’s never shown any disappointment.”

“Six months have been a long time for everyone. We were supposed to be going home so she could see her family. Maybe that’s what it’s all about.”

I gave her the phone and she read the message.

Then she handed it back. “That’s goodbye, Tom. I’m sorry. And no, I’ve never had a breakup by text, but I guess there could always be a first time.”

She spent the next ten minutes going through the morning ritual, then said, “I’ve heard there’s a new doctor coming to visit you. Whatever has happened in the last few days had tongues wagging, and you might just become the next modern miracle. Fame and fortune await.”

“Just being able to walk again will be miracle enough.”

That had been the worst of it. The prognosis that it was likely I’d never be able to walk again, or work, and the changes to our lives that would cause. I knew Frances was bitterly disappointed that she might become the spouse who had to spend the rest of her life looking after, and though she had said it didn’t matter, that she would be there for me, deep down I knew a commitment like that took more internal fortitude than she had.

She ran her own business, managed three children into adulthood, and had a life other than what we had together. When I was fit and able, and nothing got in the way, it had worked. Stopping everything to cater to my problems had severely curtailed her life. Something had to give, and it had.

But, as I said, I didn’t blame her. She had tried, putting in a brave face day after day but once the daily visits slipped to every other day, to once a week, I knew then the ship was heading towards the rocks.

This morning it foundered.

I pondered the situation for an hour before I sent a reply. “I believe you have made the right decision. It’s time to call it, go home and take some time to consider what to do next is right. In normal circumstances, we would not be considering any of this, but these are not normal circumstances. But, just in case you are worried about the effect of all of this on me, don’t. I will get over it, whatever the result is, and what you need to do first and foremost is to concentrate on what is best for you. If that means drawing a line on this relationship, so be it. All I want for you is for you to be happy, and clearly, having to contend with this, and everything else on your plate, is not helping. I am glad we had what time we had together and will cherish the memories forever, and I will always love you, no matter what you decide.”

It was heartfelt, and I meant it. But life was not going to be the same without her.

…

I’d dozed off after sending the message, and only woke again when my usual doctor came into the room on his morning rounds, the usual entourage of doctors and interns in tow. I’d been a great case for sparking endless debate on the best route for my recovery among those fresh out of medical school. Some ideas were radical, others pie in the sky, but one that seemed implausible had got a hearing, and then the go-ahead, mainly because there was little else that apparently could be done.

That doctor, and now another I hadn’t seen before was standing in the front row, rather than at the back.

The doctor in charge went through the basics of the case, as he did every day, mainly because the entourage changed daily. Then, he deferred to the radical doctor as I decided to call her.

She went through the details of a discovery she had made, and the recommendation she’d made as a possible road to recovery, one which involved several radical operations which had been undertaken by the elderly man standing beside her. When I first met him, I thought he was an escaped patient from the psychiatric ward, not the pre-eminent back surgeon reputed to be the miracle worker himself.

It seemed, based on the latest x-rays that a miracle had occurred, but whether it was or not would be known for another week. Then, if all went well, I would be able to get out of bed, and, at the very least, be able to stand on my own. In the meantime, I had endless sessions of physio in the lead-up to the big event. Six months in bed had taken its toll on everything, and the week’s work was going to correct some of that.

It meant there was hope, and despite what I said and thought, hope was what I needed.

There had been ups and downs before this, fuelled by a morning when I woke up and found I could wriggle my toes. It was after the second operation, and I thought, given the number of pain killers, it had been my imagination.

When I mentioned it, there was some initial excitement, and, yes, it was true, I wasn’t going out of my mind, it was real. The downside was, I couldn’t move anything else, and other than an encouraging sign, as the days passed, and nothing more happened, the faces got longer.

Then, the physiotherapist moved in and started working on the areas that should be coming back to life. I felt little, maybe the pain killers again, until the next, and perhaps the last operation. I managed to lift my left leg a fraction of an inch.

But we’d been here before, and I wasn’t going to hold my breath.

…

Annabel, the daughter that lived on the other side of the country, finally arrived to visit me. I had thought, not being so far away she might have come earlier, but a few phone calls had sorted out her absence. Firstly, there was not much use visiting a coma patient, second, she was in a delicate stage of her professional career and a break might be the end of it, and thirdly, she accepted that I didn’t want to see her until I was much better.

She was not very happy about it, but it was a costly venture for her, in terms of time, being away from a young family, and just getting there.

Now, the time had come. She had a conference to attend, and I was happy to play second fiddle.

After the hugs and a few tears, she settled in the uncomfortable bedside chair.

“You don’t look very different than the last time I saw you,” she said.

“Hospitals have perfected the art of hiding the worst of it, but it’s true. The swelling had receded, the physios have revived the muscles, and I have a little movement again.”

“The injuries are not permanent?”

“Oh, they’re permanent but not as bad as first thought.”

“Pity my mother isn’t here.”

“She was, day after day, through the darkest period. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But your mother is an independent woman, and she has always been free to do what she wants, and I would not have had it any other way.”

“But deserting you in the middle of all this…”

“It’s been very debilitating on her. I can understand her reasons, and so should you. She will still be your mother no matter what happens to us.”

There had been a number of phone calls, from each of the children, decrying her actions after she had sent a text message to each of them telling them what she was doing. She had not told them she was leaving, in so many words, but leaving the door ajar, perhaps to allay their fears she was deserting them too. Annabel had been furious. The other two, not so much.

“And this latest development?”

I had also told her about the miracle worker, and the possibilities, without trying to get hopes up.

“On a scale of one to ten, it’s a three. We’ve been here before, so I’m going to save the excitement for when it happens, if it happens.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

It was a question I’d asked myself a number of times, one that I didn’t want an answer to. Hope was staving it off, each day a new day of discovery, and a day closer to the idea I might walk again. I had to believe it would happen, if not the next day, the next week, month, year, that it would eventually happen.

For now, all I had to do was stand on my own two feet.

It was ironic, in a way, that simple statement. ‘Stand on your own two feet’. Right then, it seemed so near, and yet, at the same time, so far away.

I didn’t answer that question, but did what I usually did with visitors, run a distraction and talk about everything else. This visit was no exception. I had a lot of catching up to do.

It’s odd how some call the day of momentous events D-Day because to me nothing would be more momentous than the invasion of France during the second world war.

Others were not quite of the same opinion. It was going to be a momentous day.

It started the same as any other.

The morning routine when the duty nurse came to do the checks. Then the physio, now a permanent fixture mid-morning, just after the tea lady arrived. Deliberate, I thought, to deprive me of my tea break, and some unbelievably delicious coconut cookies.

Then the routine changed, and the escort arrived to take me down to the room where the physio had set up an obstacle course. It looked like one, and I’d told him so when I first saw it, and he had said by the time he was finished with me, I’d be able to go from start to finish without breaking a sweat.

In my mind perhaps, but not with this broken body. I didn’t say that because I was meant to be positive.

An entourage arrived for the main event. I would have been happier to fail in front of the doctor, the miracle worker, and the physio, but it seemed everyone wanted a front-row seat. If it worked, the physio confided in me, there was fame and fortune being mentioned in Lancet, which was a prestigious medical journal.

Expectations were running high.

The physio had gone through the program at least a hundred times, and the previous day we had got to the point where I was sitting on the side of the bed. We’d tried this ordinary maneuver several times, previously without success under my own steam but this morning, for some reason it was different.

I was able to sit up, and then, with a struggle move my legs part of the way, and with a little help for the rest.

What was encouraging, was being able to swing my legs a short distance. It was those simple things that everyone could do without thinking, that had seemed impossible not a month before, that got people excited. I didn’t know how I felt other than I missed those simple things.

Then the moment had arrived. Hushed silence.

There was a structure in place. All I had to do was pull myself across, at the same time sliding off the bed and into a standing position. There was a safety harness attached so that if my grip slipped it would prevent me from falling.

It was probably not the time to tell them the pain in my lower back was getting worse.

So, like I’d been instructed, and going one step further than the day before, I reached out, grabbed the bars, and pulled myself up and over, at the same time, sliding off the side of the bed. I could feel the tug of the safety harness which told me I had left the safety of the bed, and was in mid motion.

I could feel my legs straightening, and then very softly landing on the floor, the safety harness letting my body drop down slowly.

The pain increased exponentially as the weight came down onto my legs, but my body had stopped moving. I could not feel the tightness of the harness, but a rather odd sensation in my legs.

All that time I had been concentrating so hard that I had heard nothing, not even the encouraging words from the physio.

Until I realized, from the noise around me, that it had worked. I was standing on my own two feet, albeit a little shakily.

And I heard the physio say, in his inimitable way, “Today you just landed on the moon. Tomorrow, it’s going to be one small step for mankind. Well done.”

…

© Charles Heath 2021

“Going out of my mind…” – a short story

Accidents can happen.

Sometimes they’re your fault, sometimes they’re not.

The accident I was in was not. Late at night driving home from work, a car came speeding out of a side street and T-boned my car.

It could have been worse, though the person who said it had a quite different definition of the word worse than I did.

To start with, I lost three months of my life in a coma, and even when I surfaced, it took another month to realize what had happened. Then came two months of working out my recovery plan.

If that wasn’t trial enough, what someone else might describe as the ‘last straw that broke the camel’s back’, my wife of 22 years decided to send me a text that morning, what was six months in hospital, to the day.

“I’m sorry, Joe, but enough is enough. I cannot visit you anymore, and for the sake of both our sanity, I think it’s time to draw a line in the sand. I know what happened isn’t your fault but given the prognosis, I don’t think I can cope with the situation. I need time to think about what will happen next and to do so, I’ll be going home to spend some time with family. Once again, I’m so sorry not to be doing this in person. I’ll let you know what I decide in due course. In the meantime, you have my best wishes for your recovery.”

In other words, goodbye. Her family lived in England, about 12,000 miles away in another hemisphere, and the likelihood of her returning was remote. We had meant to visit them, and had, in fact, booked the tickets shortly before the accident. I guess she couldn’t wait any longer.

My usual nurse came in for the first visit on this shift. She had become the familiar face on my journey, the one who made it worth waking up every morning.

“You look a little down in the dumps this morning. What’s up?”

She knew it couldn’t be for medical reasons because the doctor just yesterday had remarked how remarkable my recovery had been in the last week or so. Even I had been surprised given all the previous negative reports.

“Ever broken up by text?”

“What do you mean?”

“Frances has decided she no longer wants to be involved. I can’t say I blame her, she has put her whole life on hold because of this.”

“That’s surprising. She’s never shown any disappointment.”

“Six months have been a long time for everyone. We were supposed to be going home so she could see her family. Maybe that’s what it’s all about.”

I gave her the phone and she read the message.

Then she handed it back. “That’s goodbye, Tom. I’m sorry. And no, I’ve never had a breakup by text, but I guess there could always be a first time.”

She spent the next ten minutes going through the morning ritual, then said, “I’ve heard there’s a new doctor coming to visit you. Whatever has happened in the last few days had tongues wagging, and you might just become the next modern miracle. Fame and fortune await.”

“Just being able to walk again will be miracle enough.”

That had been the worst of it. The prognosis that it was likely I’d never be able to walk again, or work, and the changes to our lives that would cause. I knew Frances was bitterly disappointed that she might become the spouse who had to spend the rest of her life looking after, and though she had said it didn’t matter, that she would be there for me, deep down I knew a commitment like that took more internal fortitude than she had.

She ran her own business, managed three children into adulthood, and had a life other than what we had together. When I was fit and able, and nothing got in the way, it had worked. Stopping everything to cater to my problems had severely curtailed her life. Something had to give, and it had.

But, as I said, I didn’t blame her. She had tried, putting in a brave face day after day but once the daily visits slipped to every other day, to once a week, I knew then the ship was heading towards the rocks.

This morning it foundered.

I pondered the situation for an hour before I sent a reply. “I believe you have made the right decision. It’s time to call it, go home and take some time to consider what to do next is right. In normal circumstances, we would not be considering any of this, but these are not normal circumstances. But, just in case you are worried about the effect of all of this on me, don’t. I will get over it, whatever the result is, and what you need to do first and foremost is to concentrate on what is best for you. If that means drawing a line on this relationship, so be it. All I want for you is for you to be happy, and clearly, having to contend with this, and everything else on your plate, is not helping. I am glad we had what time we had together and will cherish the memories forever, and I will always love you, no matter what you decide.”

It was heartfelt, and I meant it. But life was not going to be the same without her.

…

I’d dozed off after sending the message, and only woke again when my usual doctor came into the room on his morning rounds, the usual entourage of doctors and interns in tow. I’d been a great case for sparking endless debate on the best route for my recovery among those fresh out of medical school. Some ideas were radical, others pie in the sky, but one that seemed implausible had got a hearing, and then the go-ahead, mainly because there was little else that apparently could be done.

That doctor, and now another I hadn’t seen before was standing in the front row, rather than at the back.

The doctor in charge went through the basics of the case, as he did every day, mainly because the entourage changed daily. Then, he deferred to the radical doctor as I decided to call her.

She went through the details of a discovery she had made, and the recommendation she’d made as a possible road to recovery, one which involved several radical operations which had been undertaken by the elderly man standing beside her. When I first met him, I thought he was an escaped patient from the psychiatric ward, not the pre-eminent back surgeon reputed to be the miracle worker himself.

It seemed, based on the latest x-rays that a miracle had occurred, but whether it was or not would be known for another week. Then, if all went well, I would be able to get out of bed, and, at the very least, be able to stand on my own. In the meantime, I had endless sessions of physio in the lead-up to the big event. Six months in bed had taken its toll on everything, and the week’s work was going to correct some of that.

It meant there was hope, and despite what I said and thought, hope was what I needed.

There had been ups and downs before this, fuelled by a morning when I woke up and found I could wriggle my toes. It was after the second operation, and I thought, given the number of pain killers, it had been my imagination.

When I mentioned it, there was some initial excitement, and, yes, it was true, I wasn’t going out of my mind, it was real. The downside was, I couldn’t move anything else, and other than an encouraging sign, as the days passed, and nothing more happened, the faces got longer.

Then, the physiotherapist moved in and started working on the areas that should be coming back to life. I felt little, maybe the pain killers again, until the next, and perhaps the last operation. I managed to lift my left leg a fraction of an inch.

But we’d been here before, and I wasn’t going to hold my breath.

…

Annabel, the daughter that lived on the other side of the country, finally arrived to visit me. I had thought, not being so far away she might have come earlier, but a few phone calls had sorted out her absence. Firstly, there was not much use visiting a coma patient, second, she was in a delicate stage of her professional career and a break might be the end of it, and thirdly, she accepted that I didn’t want to see her until I was much better.

She was not very happy about it, but it was a costly venture for her, in terms of time, being away from a young family, and just getting there.

Now, the time had come. She had a conference to attend, and I was happy to play second fiddle.

After the hugs and a few tears, she settled in the uncomfortable bedside chair.

“You don’t look very different than the last time I saw you,” she said.

“Hospitals have perfected the art of hiding the worst of it, but it’s true. The swelling had receded, the physios have revived the muscles, and I have a little movement again.”

“The injuries are not permanent?”

“Oh, they’re permanent but not as bad as first thought.”

“Pity my mother isn’t here.”

“She was, day after day, through the darkest period. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But your mother is an independent woman, and she has always been free to do what she wants, and I would not have had it any other way.”

“But deserting you in the middle of all this…”

“It’s been very debilitating on her. I can understand her reasons, and so should you. She will still be your mother no matter what happens to us.”

There had been a number of phone calls, from each of the children, decrying her actions after she had sent a text message to each of them telling them what she was doing. She had not told them she was leaving, in so many words, but leaving the door ajar, perhaps to allay their fears she was deserting them too. Annabel had been furious. The other two, not so much.

“And this latest development?”

I had also told her about the miracle worker, and the possibilities, without trying to get hopes up.

“On a scale of one to ten, it’s a three. We’ve been here before, so I’m going to save the excitement for when it happens, if it happens.”

“And if it doesn’t?”

It was a question I’d asked myself a number of times, one that I didn’t want an answer to. Hope was staving it off, each day a new day of discovery, and a day closer to the idea I might walk again. I had to believe it would happen, if not the next day, the next week, month, year, that it would eventually happen.

For now, all I had to do was stand on my own two feet.

It was ironic, in a way, that simple statement. ‘Stand on your own two feet’. Right then, it seemed so near, and yet, at the same time, so far away.

I didn’t answer that question, but did what I usually did with visitors, run a distraction and talk about everything else. This visit was no exception. I had a lot of catching up to do.

It’s odd how some call the day of momentous events D-Day because to me nothing would be more momentous than the invasion of France during the second world war.

Others were not quite of the same opinion. It was going to be a momentous day.

It started the same as any other.

The morning routine when the duty nurse came to do the checks. Then the physio, now a permanent fixture mid-morning, just after the tea lady arrived. Deliberate, I thought, to deprive me of my tea break, and some unbelievably delicious coconut cookies.

Then the routine changed, and the escort arrived to take me down to the room where the physio had set up an obstacle course. It looked like one, and I’d told him so when I first saw it, and he had said by the time he was finished with me, I’d be able to go from start to finish without breaking a sweat.

In my mind perhaps, but not with this broken body. I didn’t say that because I was meant to be positive.

An entourage arrived for the main event. I would have been happier to fail in front of the doctor, the miracle worker, and the physio, but it seemed everyone wanted a front-row seat. If it worked, the physio confided in me, there was fame and fortune being mentioned in Lancet, which was a prestigious medical journal.

Expectations were running high.

The physio had gone through the program at least a hundred times, and the previous day we had got to the point where I was sitting on the side of the bed. We’d tried this ordinary maneuver several times, previously without success under my own steam but this morning, for some reason it was different.

I was able to sit up, and then, with a struggle move my legs part of the way, and with a little help for the rest.

What was encouraging, was being able to swing my legs a short distance. It was those simple things that everyone could do without thinking, that had seemed impossible not a month before, that got people excited. I didn’t know how I felt other than I missed those simple things.

Then the moment had arrived. Hushed silence.

There was a structure in place. All I had to do was pull myself across, at the same time sliding off the bed and into a standing position. There was a safety harness attached so that if my grip slipped it would prevent me from falling.

It was probably not the time to tell them the pain in my lower back was getting worse.

So, like I’d been instructed, and going one step further than the day before, I reached out, grabbed the bars, and pulled myself up and over, at the same time, sliding off the side of the bed. I could feel the tug of the safety harness which told me I had left the safety of the bed, and was in mid motion.

I could feel my legs straightening, and then very softly landing on the floor, the safety harness letting my body drop down slowly.

The pain increased exponentially as the weight came down onto my legs, but my body had stopped moving. I could not feel the tightness of the harness, but a rather odd sensation in my legs.

All that time I had been concentrating so hard that I had heard nothing, not even the encouraging words from the physio.

Until I realized, from the noise around me, that it had worked. I was standing on my own two feet, albeit a little shakily.

And I heard the physio say, in his inimitable way, “Today you just landed on the moon. Tomorrow, it’s going to be one small step for mankind. Well done.”

…

© Charles Heath 2021