‘The Devil You Don’t’ – A beta reader’s view

It could be said that of all the women one could meet, whether contrived or by sheer luck, what are the odds it would turn out to be the woman who was being paid a very large sum to kill you.

John Pennington is a man who may be lucky in business, but not so lucky in love. He has just broken up with Phillipa Sternhaven, the woman he thought was the one, but relatives and circumstances, and perhaps because she was a ‘princess’, may also have contributed to the end result.

So, what do you do when you are heartbroken?

That is a story that slowly unfolds, from the first meeting with his nemesis on Lake Geneva, all the way to a hotel room in Sorrento, where he learns the shattering truth.

What should have been solace after disappointment, turns out to be something else entirely, and from that point, everything goes to hell in a handbasket.

He suddenly realizes his so-called friend Sebastian has not exactly told him the truth about a small job he asked him to do, the woman he is falling in love with is not quite who she says she is, and he is caught in the middle of a war between two men who consider people becoming collateral damage as part of their business.

The story paints the characters cleverly displaying all their flaws and weaknesses. The locations add to the story at times taking me back down memory lane, especially to Venice where, in those back streets I confess it’s not all that hard to get lost.

All in all a thoroughly entertaining story with, for once, a satisfying end.

…

Available on Amazon here: https://amzn.to/2Xyh1ow

…

An excerpt from “Betrayal” – a work in progress

It could have been anywhere in the world, she thought, but it wasn’t.  It was in a city where if anything were to go wrong…

She sighed and came away from the window and looked around the room.  It was quite large and expensively furnished.  It was one of several she had been visiting in the last three months.

Quite elegant too, as the hotel had its origins dating back to before the revolution in 1917.  At least, currently, there would not be a team of KGB agents somewhere in the basement monitoring everything that happened in the room.

There was no such thing as the KGB anymore, though there was an FSB, but such organisations were of no interest to her.

She was here to meet with Vladimir.

She smiled to herself when she thought of him, such an interesting man whose command of English was as good as her command of Russian, though she had not told him of that ability.

All he knew of her was that she was American, worked in the Embassy as a clerk, nothing important, whose life both at work and at home was boring.  Not that she had blurted that out the first they met, or even the second.

That first time, at a function in the Embassy, was a chance meeting, a catching of his eye as he looked around the room, looking, as he had told her later, for someone who might not be as boring as the function itself.

It was a celebration, honouring one of the Embassy officials on his service in Moscow, and the fact he was returning home after 10 years.  She had been there once, and still hadn’t met all the staff.

They had talked, Vladimir knew a great deal about England, having been stationed there for a year or two, and had politely asked questions about where she lived, her family, and of course what her role was, all questions she fended off with an air of disinterested interest.

It fascinated him, as she knew it would, a sort of mental sparring as one would do with swords if this was a fencing match.

They had said they might or might not meet again when the party was over, but she suspected there would be another opportunity.  She knew the signs of a man who was interested in her, and Vladimir was interested.

The second time came in the form of an invitation to an art gallery, and a viewing of the works of a prominent Russian artist, an invitation she politely declined.  After all, invitations issued to Embassy staff held all sorts of connotations, or so she was told by the Security officer when she told him.

Then, it went quiet for a month.  There was a party at the American embassy and along with several other staff members, she was invited.  She had not expected to meet Vladimir, but it was a pleasant surprise when she saw him, on the other side of the room, talking to several military men.

A pleasant afternoon ensued.

And it was no surprise that they kept running into each other at the various events on the diplomatic schedule.

By the fifth meeting, they were like old friends.  She had broached the subject of being involved in a plutonic relationship with him with the head of security at the embassy.  Normally for a member of her rank, it would not be allowed, but in this instance it was.

She did not work in any sensitive areas, and, as the security officer had said, she might just happen upon something that might be useful.  In that regard, she was to keep her eyes and ears open and file a report each time she met him.

After that discussion, she got the impression her superiors considered Vladimir more than just a casual visitor on the diplomatic circuit.  She also formed the impression that he might consider her an ‘asset’, a word that had been used at the meeting with security and the ambassador.

It was where the word ‘spy’ popped into her head and sent a tingle down her spine.  She was not a spy, but the thought of it, well, it would be fascinating to see what happened.

A Russian friend.  That’s what she would call him.

And over time, that relationship blossomed, until, after a visit to the ballet, late and snowing, he invited her to his apartment not far from the ballet venue.  It was like treading on thin ice, but after champagne and an introduction to caviar, she felt like a giddy schoolgirl.

Even so, she had made him promise that he remain on his best behaviour.  It could have been very easy to fall under the spell of a perfect evening, but he promised, showed her to a separate bedroom, and after a brief kiss, their first, she did not see him until the next morning.

So, it began.

It was an interesting report she filed after that encounter, one where she had expected to be reprimanded.

She wasn’t.

It wasn’t until six weeks had passed when he asked her if she would like to take a trip to the country.  It would involve staying in a hotel, that they would have separate rooms.  When she reported the invitation, no objection was raised, only a caution; keep her wits about her.

Perhaps, she had thought, they were looking forward to a more extensive report.  After all, her reports on the places, and the people, and the conversations she overheard, were no doubt entertaining reading for some.

But this visit was where the nature of the relationship changed, and it was one that she did not immediately report.  She had realised at some point before the weekend away, that she had feelings for him, and it was not that he was pushing her in that direction or manipulating her in any way.

It was just one of those moments where, after a grand dinner, a lot of champagne, and delightful company, things happen.  Standing at the door to her room, a lingering kiss, not intentional on her part, and it just happened.

And for not one moment did she believe she had been compromised, but for some reason she had not reported that subtle change in the relationship to the powers that be, and so far, no one had any inkling.

She took off her coat and placed it carefully of the back of one of the ornate chairs in the room.  She stopped for a moment to look at a framed photograph on the wall, one representing Red Square.

Then, after a minute or two, she went to the mini bar and took out the bottle of champagne that had been left there for them, a treat arranged by Vladimir for each encounter.

There were two champagne flutes set aside on the bar, next to a bowl of fruit.  She picked up the apple and thought how Eve must have felt in the garden of Eden, and the temptation.

Later perhaps, after…

She smiled at the thought and put the apple back.

A glance at her watch told her it was time for his arrival.  It was if anything, the one trait she didn’t like, and that was his punctuality.  A glance at the clock on the room wall was a minute slow.

The doorbell to the room rang, right on the appointed time.

She put the bottle down and walked over to the door.

A smile on her face, she opened the door.

It was not Vladimir.  It was her worst nightmare.

…

© Charles Heath 2020

“Betrayal” – the penultimate final draft – Day 10

I’m sure I’ve been down this road more than once, and with the same novel, but whereas the last edit, which was probably the second or third, finished up in the pile, then forgotten.

I’m doing an active update to all my works in progress, and sending them to the editor, after going through the manuscript once again, with a view to publishing.  Hopefully, before the year is out.

…

I didn’t take very long to finish off my quota of words today, and with my spare time, I decided to go back over the plan and see how the second half of the book is holding up in accordance with the plan.

Despite the misgivings I had in becoming a planner for this exercise, it proved a good idea, particularly when you have to write a certain number of words a day to reach the target.

Last year, it was a pantser effort, and I know, at times, I struggled with continuity, and found myself having to backtrack when plot changes required earlier intervention.

Writing as a pantzer is much more viable when you have a much longer time to write the story, like a whole year, because I find I sometimes get only so far, and I need to think about the next step.

Today I’ve taken the time to translate all of the notes for the forthcoming chapters into a bound notebook, with several pages for each of the chapters, allowing for a number of possible later changes.

I now feel I’m in a better place to continue.

Skeletons in the closet, and doppelgangers

A story called “Mistaken Identity”

…

How many of us have skeletons in the closet that we know nothing about? The skeletons we know about generally stay there, but those we do not, well, they have a habit of coming out of left field when we least expect it.

In this case, when you see your photo on a TV screen with the accompanying text that says you are wanted by every law enforcement agency in Europe, you’re in a state of shock, only to be compounded by those same police, armed and menacing, kicking the door down.

I’d been thinking about this premise for a while after I discovered my mother had a boyfriend before she married my father, a boyfriend who was, by all accounts, the man who was the love of her life.

Then, in terms of coming up with an idea for a story, what if she had a child by him that we didn’t know about, which might mean I had a half brother or sister I knew nothing about. It’s not an uncommon occurrence from what I’ve been researching.

There are many ways of putting a spin on this story.

Then, in the back of my mind, I remembered a story an acquaintance at work was once telling us over morning tea, that a friend of a friend had a mother who had a twin sister and that each of the sisters had a son by the same father, without each knowing of the father’s actions, both growing up without the other having any knowledge of their half brother, only to meet by accident on the other side of the world.

It was an encounter that in the scheme of things might never have happened, and each would have remained oblivious of the other.

For one sister, the relationship was over before she discovered she was pregnant, and therefore had not told the man he was a father. It was no surprise the relationship foundered when she discovered he was also having a relationship with her sister, a discovery that caused her to cut all ties with both of them and never speak to either from that day.

It’s a story with more twists and turns than a country lane!

And a great idea for a story.

That story is called ‘Mistaken Identity’.

A photograph from the inspirational bin – 2

It’s the obvious items in the photograph that you see first, or that your eyes go to first.

The ocean, the beach, the buildings. You can see a shopping mall with MacDonald’s sign above it.

Yes, it’s late afternoon, and you can see long shadows of the buildings.

So, if I asked you what did you see in this photo, what would your reply be?

From a thriller writer or murder mystery writer’s point of view, it’s what you don’t necessarily see.

So, for the purposes of the story, the opening line for the world-weary detective, handing the photo to his partner, “What’s is it you can’t see in this photo?”

A partner that hadn’t been on the job very long, in from the suburbs, and had seen little more than break and enters car theft, and school kids hi-jinks.

“What am I supposed to be looking for?”

“You want to be a detective, or be looking for old ladies cats?”

His partner takes the photo in hand and looks at it again.  There has to be a reason why the old man had given it to him, or perhaps there wasn’t and he was just playing with him again.

No, he thought, there has to be something…

And then he saw it, quite by accident.  A hand, a gun, and following the line of fire, at the end, what looked like someone in the bushes.

In a photo taken from a higher floor of the building over the road, looking down on what was supposed to be a rooftop recreational area.

Only there had been no report of a missing person or a gunshot wound in the last seven days.

“When was it taken?”

“Two days ago?”

“And no reports of a shooting, or a body?”

“No.  And yet the person who took this swears he saw a body, but by the time he came back, there was nothing.”

The detective handed his partner a second photo.  Time-stamped five minutes later.  With no gun and no body.

What will happen next?

The cinema of my dreams – I always wanted to see the planets – Episode 53

A tempting offer

…

It was a resolution, though it begged the question of how far the others, on either side, would go to extract the Princess.  She was in an invidious situation, one that I wouldn’t like to be in.

I could see how staying on the ship would be the most viable for her, now.

And it was not that the ship couldn’t do with a diplomat with experience in other worlds and it was a tempting offer.

But the current threat wasn’t going away.

“That’ll be our plan B, but for now, do you have any idea why they would be out here to meet you?”

“Not greet, but refuse entry.  I represent the old way, representative of a time when there was peace but when our world was divided into classes, basically the leaders and the led.  It worked, but over the years a growing number of young people questioned why it had to be so.  It took a generation before the first uprising, and another before the internal wars started in earnest, particularly after we achieved space travel, and the new leadership all but destroyed our home world.  We had to seek new worlds to live, and, sadly, conquer.”

Was that not the history of everywhere?  We’d basically done the same and at that point where we were seeking new horizons.  They’d done it all before, and it had not been a success.

“I can see how personally you alone could start a revolution.”

“It’s the idea of what I could represent.  If I am a threat, then it means the current leaders are holding onto a very tenuous leadership.  It might be that the people are finally tired of the new ways.  You also I believe have an expression, things were better in the old days.”

I was not so sure they were because I could not remember a time when we were not facing one or two calamities at a time.  Now, life on earth was difficult, the climate had changed so much.  We could have staved off the impending disaster but inaction by governments, greedy corporations, and confused people misled by mixed messages had destroyed any chance of survival.

It was why nearly three-quarters of the population now lived in space stations and planetary outposts, and why our ship was the first of many in the new exploration program, looking for a new earth.

“My old days were bad days I’d not want to go back to.”

“You are young, as I said.  100, 200 of your years perhaps things were better.  You had not got to the point where you could destroy your environment.  But it is, as you would say, all academic.  I liked my time on your planet, it was so peaceful and the people so simple in their needs and desires.”

Why didn’t it surprise me to learn she had been there.  We seemed to be the only people who knew little or nothing about the galaxy and its inhabitants.

“The fodder of another conversation I would like to have when there’s more time.  But you think they’re here to keep you from going home?”

“That would be my best guess, though I can’t see what influence my coming back would have.  Like I said, I’ve been away too long and the political landscape has changed many times since then.”

That told me she had been keeping up an interest in what was happening on her home world clandestinely or otherwise.  The question was whether she had kept up communications with anyone, and where they were in the political spectrum.

Perhaps there was more she wasn’t telling me.

“It’s not going to get you to leave though, is it?”

“We came here to bring you home which I believed was what you wanted.”

“It’s not an imperative.”

“Then what would you want to do as an alternative”?

“That would be up to you.  But if those ships out there belong to the people I think they do, then it’s not going to be as easy an encounter as your last.”

If she was trying to paint a bleak picture, it was working.

To underline that scenario, she added, “Do you have a death wish?”

“Not that I’m aware of, but I don’t react well to bullies.  You can’t convince me these people would attack us simply because you are on board.”

“And, as I said, you are relatively young, and very galactically naive, but to answer your question directly, yes, they would, and it would not be the first time.”

I shrugged.  Right then, it couldn’t get any worse.  “You wouldn’t happen to know what sort of weapons they have.”

“I’m not a weapons expert so I have no idea.  But weapons are basically the same everywhere so whatever you have, theirs will be bigger and better, or it could be possible you are better armed than they are.  Sometimes, though, it’s not about the person with the biggest gun.”

A voice came over the comms system.  “Captain?”

Number one again.

“Yes.”

‘We have a new problem, two more ships just appeared on the rear scanner, and I don’t believe they will be coming to protect us.”

Just when the situation couldn’t get any worse.  “I’m on my way.”  I looked at the princess.  “Any idea what this is about?”

“No.  There’s no reason to send five ships on my account.  They might belong to one of the other home worlds seeking to take advantage of a situation.”

“Exactly how many space travel capable planets are in this galaxy, and how many of them might have an interest in your situation?”

“About eight, and three that might remember my family, but I’ve been away too long for anyone to care or remember what our world was like back then.”

She had that inscrutable look of what might have been an android, but I got a distinct feeling there was something she was not telling us.

“Well, stay here if you want to stay safe.  You can’t be transported off the ship from this cabin.”

…

© Charles Heath 2021-2022

“Betrayal” – the penultimate final draft – Day 10

I’m sure I’ve been down this road more than once, and with the same novel, but whereas the last edit, which was probably the second or third, finished up in the pile, then forgotten.

I’m doing an active update to all my works in progress, and sending them to the editor, after going through the manuscript once again, with a view to publishing.  Hopefully, before the year is out.

…

I didn’t take very long to finish off my quota of words today, and with my spare time, I decided to go back over the plan and see how the second half of the book is holding up in accordance with the plan.

Despite the misgivings I had in becoming a planner for this exercise, it proved a good idea, particularly when you have to write a certain number of words a day to reach the target.

Last year, it was a pantser effort, and I know, at times, I struggled with continuity, and found myself having to backtrack when plot changes required earlier intervention.

Writing as a pantzer is much more viable when you have a much longer time to write the story, like a whole year, because I find I sometimes get only so far, and I need to think about the next step.

Today I’ve taken the time to translate all of the notes for the forthcoming chapters into a bound notebook, with several pages for each of the chapters, allowing for a number of possible later changes.

I now feel I’m in a better place to continue.

When I should be sleeping…

My mind will not rest.

Down here, it is summer, and the last few days have been exhaustingly hot, well, it is summer after all, but tonight it is particularly hot.

So, as I can’t sleep, I’m lying on the couch staring at the ceiling, otherwise known as the cinema of my dreams.

Where am I?

Well, it has to be someplace other than here, of course.

…

I’d seen the Trevi Fountain in the movies, but, until now, it just seemed like any other fountain, only larger.

In reality, it was much more than that, and, so it seemed, it was also that for many other people.  Mid-afternoon on a warm sunny day, they were all standing in awe.

Perhaps some were making a wish, and I saw several toss coins in.  There would be a lot of money in there and I couldn’t help but think about what sort of job it would be to retrieve it.

Odd too, I thought, if they hadn’t, how many old and rare coins might be somewhere on the floor.  Of course, I only thought of the aesthetic value rather than the practicality of the water system that the Romans had built long before such feats of engineering were being contemplated.

No, I was here on holiday. 

After years of travelling to a great many places for my job, one that never really gave me any time for sightseeing, I’d decided it was time to indulge in a little tourism.

Before this, I’d been to the Colosseum, the old ruins, the Spanish Steps, and the Parthenon.  This was going to wrap up in the afternoon.

“So, are you here on business or pleasure?”

I turned to see Giuseppe, a man I’d had a rather complicated relationship with in the past, and one who is not told I was coming.

But, the fact he was here was no surprise.

It was however surprising that he could sneak up on me.  It showed I was slipping, or, more than likely, I was more susceptible to being distracted.

“I am but a humble tourist.  I’m sorry but you have been following me for nothing.”

“Why is it I find that difficult to believe?”

Maybe because of what I used to do, but it was not something I would openly admit.  And the only reason he was standing there was that someone else had made a mistake, and required a bit of diplomacy to smooth the waters.

Unfortunately, that had destroyed my invisibility in Italy, and probably most of Europe, and these days I spent most of my time in semi-retirement driving a desk.  Not entirely put out to pasture.

“As difficult as it might be, having your cover blown makes it impossible to continue, verified by the fact you’re here now.  Was it a red flag on my name, or facial recognition?”

“Just remember, we’re watching you.”

A last shake of his head, he walked over to a car parked a host distance away, got in, and drove off.  I had no doubt he was not the only one who had been watching me.

“It seems you were right.”

Another voice, This time a woman, and expected.  Carla had been waiting in the coffee shop for Giuseppe or someone like him to make an appearance.

“They were not exactly hiding the fact they had me under surveillance.”

She handed me the coffee with a smile.

“That means we can have some fun, does it not?”

That had been the plan.  I knew if I entered Italy using the identity I used the last time, it would put them on alert, and prompt a reaction.

“It still doesn’t mean they won’t suspect something is afoot.”

“And since when did you start doubting yourself?”

Since my last operation fell apart because I made one simple mistake that no agent would have made in a million years.  But, I had, and it basically ended two careers.

The other person had just handed me the coffee, and unaccountable seemed less angry with me than she should be.

“You of all people should know the answer to that.”

She sighed and took my hand in hers.  “What I do know is that there’s a very clever operation afoot and you’re the one who planned it.  And far from being on the sidelines, we have a new and very important role to play.  And speaking of play, it’s time you and I got into our roles.  Oh, and just for the record, I still love you and I know how you feel about me, and before I brought you coffee I made a wish.”

So had I, and it had been answered.

…

It was another of those dreams that might lead somewhere.  We’ll just have to wait and see.

© Charles Heath 2023

The cinema of my dreams – I always wanted to see the planets – Episode 54

An interesting conversation

…

The bridge was subdued as I came out of the elevator and made my way to the chair.  Number one was standing next to it.

“Where are we?” I asked him.

“Close enough to open communications.”

“The ships behind us?”

“Slowed to maintain distance, at the moment still out of communication range.”

“Time of arrival at the ships?”

“Ten minutes.”

“We’re being hailed,” the comms officer said, turning to look at me.

“Video?”

“Yes.”

To Number One, “Tell the General to get his team together and be ready to mobilise in 15 minutes.”

“Sir.”  He rushed out.  He would be back in 5 minutes or less.

To the communications officer, “On screen then.”

A male, one that looked very much like the others we had met earlier, and it made me think that at one time all the people in this part of the galaxy got along well enough to share the longevity technology to make them all look the same.

There were slight changes between them, because the man I was looking at had more human skin tones, whereas the others were much paler.  Perhaps they had advanced the technology to make them more lifelike.

“Captain.  I am assuming you are the vessel from Earth recently at Grurzek?”

“You would be correct.  To whom am I speaking, and don’t say that it is irrelevant.”

“I am a Commander of the Foroi.  I believe you have one of our people aboard your vessel.”

“We are bringing her back to her home world, yes.”

“We will take her from here.  We understand you are on a voyage of discovery, and you have come out of your way to deliver her.  We can relieve you of that responsibility.”

And what would happen after she boarded their ship?  I could only imagine, but one possibility that reached the top of the list, imprisonment and possibly death.

“I was charged with delivering her in person to her family members.  That means I cannot pass that responsibility to anyone else.”

There were no recognisable expressions on their faces and odd thought, but I would hate playing poker with these people.

But, by the length of the silence, I assumed my statement didn’t go well.

“I understand you are an honourable man, but we are dealing with matters I’d state which I’m sure you can understand, as you have these back where you come from.”

Did everybody know about us?

I glanced over at Number One, breathless but hiding it well and who nodded to confirm the General was in place, he was as intrigued as I was.  As was every member of the bridge crew.  They had the most experience with these new people, and for them, it was the reason they signed on.

“Matters of state indeed, but a promise is a promise, and I will be completing the mission.”

“That would be a very dangerous undertaking.”

Once again, the notion of threats was raised.

“What do you know of Earth?”  I thought I’d take a different path rather than take the bait.

I guess I was wrong about expressionless beings.  He was genuinely surprised.

“More than you might think.”

“Then can I assume from that all of you in this part of the galaxy was once united, sharing technology and intelligence?”

It wasn’t a leap to see that these people once lived together in harmony.  We on Earth were heading in that direction and would be interesting to find out what happened so we could avoid the same mistakes.

Not from this commander though.

“Then you’ll know that we will die for an ideal.  You will also know we have weapons that can cause a life extinction event.  No one has used it yet, more by good luck than good management, but we carry those weapons, just in case.  We call this weapon a deterrent against foolhardy.

“So, if you are thinking of coming here by force and taking her, and perhaps destroying any evidence of us, I’d think again.  We have a weapon aimed at each of your three vessels.  We have scanners that can pick up signs you are about to deploy weapons, as I’m sure you do.

“Take a deep breath, and we’ll talk again soon.”

A nod to the communications officer cut the feed.

“Are we dancing with death, sir?”  The first officer was a little tense, but we’d been here before.

“Sir, weapons are on each of the vessels, awaiting your orders.”  The General had been monitoring the conversation.

“Very good.  You know the drill if anything happens on the bridge.”

For a minute the air on the bridge was so thick you could literally cut through it with a knife.

The communications officer broke the silence, “one of the ships behind us is hailing.”

…

© Charles Heath 2021-2022

“Betrayal” – the penultimate final draft – Day 11

I’m sure I’ve been down this road more than once, and with the same novel, but whereas the last edit, which was probably the second or third, finished up in the pile, then forgotten.

I’m doing an active update to all my works in progress, and sending them to the editor, after going through the manuscript once again, with a view to publishing.  Hopefully, before the year is out.

…

Like yesterday, the Maple Leafs are playing again, and as much as I want to forsake it and get on with the story, The fact that we are down by a large margin at the end of the first period has given me the opportunity to turn it off, or watch the stage a comeback.

Damn.

I stick with it.

Then, we made a decision to go and see a movie, Last Christmas, because it looked interesting when we saw the preview some weeks ago.

That means missing half of the third period of the ice hockey if we’re going there. Well, there’s always the live broadcast via the phone.

It is not easy driving a car and listening to a brilliant comeback by the Leafs, and the excitement in the car is almost at the same fever pitch as the commentators.

Alas, we lose.

As for the movie, it was everything we hoped for. Two delightful leads who didn’t overact, Emma Thompson as a Yugoslav, and Michelle Yeoh in a restrained performance that I’m unused to seeing her in. Perhaps Star Trek Discovery kick-arse was not needed here.

Christmas, no swearing, no killing sprees, a few songs, and a lesson hidden between the lines. What more could one ask for?

As for the story, I’m having a coffee and then it’ll be time to get back into the groove.

Or watch Jack Ryan series 3…