This story has been ongoing since I was seventeen, and just to let you know, I’m 72 this year.
Yes, it’s taken a long time to get it done.
Why, you might ask.
Well, I never gave it much interest because I started writing it after a small incident when I was 17, and working as a book packer for a book distributor in Melbourne
At the end of my first year, at Christmas, the employer had a Christmas party, and that year, it was at a venue in St Kilda.
I wasn’t going to go because at that age, I was an ordinary boy who was very introverted and basically scared of his own shadow and terrified by girls.
Back then, I would cross the street to avoid them
Also, other members of the staff in the shipping department were rough and ready types who were not backwards in telling me what happened, and being naive, perhaps they knew I’d be either shocked or intrigued.
I was both adamant I wasn’t coming and then got roped in on a dare.
Damn!
So, back then, in the early 70s, people looked the other way when it came to drinking, and of course, Dutch courage always takes away the concerns, especially when normally you wouldn’t do half the stuff you wouldn’t in a million years
I made it to the end, not as drunk and stupid as I thought I might be, and St Kilda being a salacious place if you knew where to look, my new friends decided to give me a surprise.
It didn’t take long to realise these men were ‘men about town’ as they kept saying, and we went on an odyssey. Yes, those backstreet brothels where one could, I was told, have anything they could imagine.
Let me tell you, large quantities of alcohol and imagination were a very bad mix.
So, the odyssey in ‘The things we do’ was based on that, and then the encounter with Diana. Well, let’s just say I learned a great deal about girls that night.
Firstly, not all girls are nasty and spiteful, which seemed to be the case whenever I met one. There was a way to approach, greet, talk to, and behave.
It was also true that I could have had anything I wanted, but I decided what was in my imagination could stay there. She was amused that all I wanted was to talk, but it was my money, and I could spend it how I liked.
And like any 17-year-old naive fool, I fell in love with her and had all these foolish notions. Months later, I went back, but she had moved on, to where no one was saying or knew.
Needless to say, I was heartbroken and had to get over that first loss, which, like any 17-year-old, was like the end of the world.
But it was the best hour I’d ever spent in my life and would remain so until I met the woman I have been married to for the last 48 years.
As Henry, he was in part based on a rebel, the son of rich parents who despised them and their wealth, and he used to regale anyone who would listen about how they had messed up his life
If only I’d come from such a background!
And yes, I was only a run away from climbing up the stairs to get on board a ship, acting as a purser.
I worked for a shipping company and they gave their junior staff members an opportunity to spend a year at sea working as a purser on a cargo ship that sailed between Melbourne, Sydney and Hobart in Australia.
One of the other junior staff members’ turn came, and I would visit him on board when he would tell me stories about life on board, the officers, the crew, and other events. These stories, which sounded incredible to someone so impressionable, were a delight to hear.
Alas, by that time, I had tired of office work and moved on to be a tradesman at the place where my father worked.
It proved to be the right move, as that is where I met my wife. Diana had been right; love would find me when I least expected it.
Background material used in researching the Vietnam was and various other aspects of that period
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Saigon in the sixties – heaven or hell
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Saigon’s Neon Oasis: Where Soldiers Found Solace Amidst the Vietnam War’s Peak
The Vietnam War was a brutal, relentless conflict, a landscape of jungle, mud, and unimaginable hardship. But for those serving, there were moments, brief and precious, when the war receded, replaced by the artificial glow of city lights, the clink of ice in a glass, and the distant thrum of rock and roll. This was Saigon, the dynamic, often chaotic capital of South Vietnam, a city that, at the peak of the war, became a paradoxical oasis for weary soldiers seeking escape.
Saigon was a city of stark, poignant contrasts. On one hand, it was the administrative and logistical heart of the war effort, a place of military compounds, constant vigilance, and ever-present tension. On the other, it pulsed with a vibrant, albeit often artificial, civilian life, offering a dazzling array of “entertainment” spots where GIs could, for a few hours, pretend they weren’t in a war zone.
Let’s take a stroll through the Saigon of the late 1960s, a city that learned to cater to the needs of soldiers desperate for a moment of normalcy.
The Gritty Glamour of the GI Bars
The most immediate and common escape for soldiers in Saigon was undoubtedly its bustling bar scene. Streets like Tou Do (later Dong Khoi) and Nguyen Hue were lined with establishments ranging from dimly lit dives to multi-level discos, each promising a temporary reprieve.
Hostess Bars: These were perhaps the most iconic. Girls, often dressed in traditional ao dai or fashionable Western clothes, would sit with soldiers, chat, dance, and encourage them to buy “Saigon Tea” (often watered-down drinks at inflated prices). The atmosphere was a potent mix of camaraderie, loneliness, longing, and sometimes, genuine connection amidst the transactional nature. Places like “The Caravelle Bar” (not the main hotel bar, but smaller adjacent spots), “The Blue Door,” and countless nameless establishments served as noisy, smoky havens.
Live Music Venues: Rock and roll was king. Bands, often local Vietnamese groups with surprisingly good English, belted out hits from the Rolling Stones, Beatles, Creedence Clearwater Revival, and Jimi Hendrix. These places were a cacophony of sound, laughter, and the clinking of bottles – a direct link to the world they’d left behind.
“Relaxation” Spots: Beyond the main drag, smaller, shadier alleys held a myriad of establishments offering various forms of “stress relief,” from massage parlors to more illicit activities. These spots catered to the darker side of desperation and the sheer animal need for comfort or oblivion.
A Taste of Home, A Taste of Elsewhere: Restaurants & Cafes
Food was another critical component of the escape. After weeks or months of C-rations, a proper meal was a luxury.
American Eateries: Many restaurants sprang up catering specifically to American tastes, serving steaks, burgers, fries, and milkshakes. These provided a comforting taste of home, a tangible link to a world without war.
French Influence: Saigon still bore the indelible mark of its French colonial past, and this was evident in its sophisticated dining scene. Soldiers could find excellent French cuisine, from rich stews to delicate pastries, and enjoy strong, aromatic Vietnamese coffee in elegant cafes.
Local Delights: For the more adventurous, the city offered an explosion of local flavors. Pho stalls, bustling street markets selling grilled meats and fresh spring rolls, and family-run restaurants serving traditional Vietnamese dishes were everywhere. While some soldiers stuck to what they knew, many embraced the opportunity to savor authentic local fare.
R&R: A Slice of Luxury and Normalcy
Beyond the quick escapes, many soldiers sought longer periods of Rest & Recuperation (R&R). While some went to destinations like Bangkok or Sydney, Saigon itself offered significant R&R opportunities, particularly for those on shorter breaks.
Luxury Hotels: The Hotel Caravelle, the Rex Hotel, and the Continental Palace were beacons of relative luxury. With air conditioning, swimming pools, attentive service, and fine dining, these hotels offered a temporary return to civilian life. Soldiers could shed their uniforms, don civilian clothes (often custom-tailored in Saigon’s famous tailor shops), and enjoy amenities that felt worlds away from their daily realities.
Shopping: Saigon was a shopper’s paradise. GIs could get custom-tailored suits or dresses made almost overnight, sending them home as gifts or wearing them during their R&R. There were also markets bustling with vendors selling silks, lacquerware, “gucci bags” (often fake, but still coveted), and trinkets of all kinds.
Movies & Bowling: For simpler diversions, Saigon had cinemas showing American films and even bowling alleys, offering familiar pastimes that helped to momentarily erase the war from their minds.
The Ever-Present Shadow
Despite the neon lights, the music, and the fleeting moments of normalcy, the war was an ever-present shadow. The sound of distant artillery, the occasional explosion from a VC attack, the sight of wounded soldiers being transported, and the sheer number of uniformed personnel served as constant reminders. The “entertainment” in Saigon was less about genuine joy and more about coping, about finding a temporary mental refuge from the relentless pressure and trauma of combat.
For soldiers at the peak of the Vietnam War, Saigon was a place of profound duality: a chaotic battlefield and a desperate sanctuary, a city that offered illusions of escape while continuously reminding them of the grim reality just beyond its glittering facade. It was a place where humanity, in all its complexity, struggled to find moments of solace, however brief, in the heart of conflict.
Background material used in creating a location, an explosive situation, and characters to bring it alive – the story – A Score to Settle
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The premise
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The Powder Keg Conference: When Irony Meets Incitement in the Republic of Azmar
The world of international politics often serves up a certain dish of absurdity, but occasionally, the ingredients align for a truly catastrophic meal. We are witnessing such a geopolitical culinary disaster right now, brewing in the fictional Republic of Azmar.
Azmar is, by all measures, a textbook example of modern authoritarianism: a military dictatorship, financially and politically shielded by a major superpower, and helmed by President General Kroll, a man whose personal wealth seems to increase inversely to his country’s freedoms. The regime’s human rights abuses—disappearances, rigged judiciary, suppression of dissent—are not simply allegations; they are an open, festering secret among global watchdog organizations.
And yet, this week, Azmar is throwing a party.
The Irony Convention
In a move that strains the very definition of chutzpah, the Kroll regime is hosting the Global Summit for Progressive Human Rights Advancement.
The contrast is dizzying. While political prisoners languish in overcrowded, secret facilities, the capital city has been scrubbed clean. Banners proclaiming “Justice Through Dialogue” hang from lampposts. The state-run media is ecstatic, broadcasting endless interviews about Azmar’s commitment to “international transparency.”
The goal, of course, is not dialogue. It is legitimization. The conference is a Potemkin Village, a meticulously constructed facade designed to convince foreign investors and, more importantly, the regime’s international patrons that Azmar is a stable, reforming nation.
And perhaps the most volatile element of this stagecraft? The roster of attendees.
The Ethical Tightrope Walk of the Keynote Speaker
The event has attracted truly renowned figures: Nobel Laureates, celebrated international lawyers, and veteran human rights defenders. These are people whose careers have been defined by fighting the very abuses Azmar exemplifies.
Why are they here? For some, it is the genuine belief that dialogue must occur, even with the devil. For others, it’s the hefty speaking fees and the promise of a global stage. Whatever the motivation, their presence offers the Kroll regime exactly what it craves: a veneer of institutional approval.
When a celebrated author stands at the podium, criticizing abstract concepts of oppression while simultaneously shaking hands with the architect of that oppression, the lines between principle and pragmatism blur dangerously. Their words, intended as a critique, are instead absorbed into the regime’s propaganda machine: “See? Even the world’s greatest thinkers endorse Azmar’s path forward.”
It is a tense, ethically compromised theatre. But the real drama is about to erupt just outside the conference hall.
The Return of the Ghost
For years, the domestic unrest in Azmar has been a low, continuous rumble—a simmering resentment against Kroll’s corruption and brutality. The memory of the previous government, the democratically elected administration deposed in the violent coup fifteen years ago, lingered like a ghost, kept alive only by hushed whispers.
That ghost has just materialized.
Simultaneously with the arrival of the international luminaries, news has swept through the Azmari underground that Elias Mendieta, the long-missing son of the deposed and disappeared president, has returned home.
Elias Mendieta represents everything President Kroll is not: legitimacy, democratic mandate, and the promise of a free Azmar. His return is not just political news; it is a profound symbolic act. It transforms simmering discontent into active incitement.
The Collision Course
The timing is either impossibly unlucky for President Kroll or perfectly calculated by Mendieta’s supporters.
Think about the dynamics now at play:
Maximum Global Focus: The world’s major media outlets and human rights organizations are all focused on Azmar due to the conference.
Maximum Internal Tension: The regime has poured all its resources into maintaining a facade of tranquility, meaning security forces are stretched and focused on keeping the peace in the capital’s diplomatic quarters.
Maximum Ideological Threat: Elias Mendieta, the embodiment of popular resistance and democratic history, is now mobilizing supporters in the streets.
This is not a political confrontation that will play out in press releases. This is a dramatic, high-stakes collision.
If Mendieta attempts to make a dramatic public appearance, the regime faces an impossible choice:
Option A: Allow him to speak. This instantly delegitimizes the conference and risks igniting mass protests that could turn revolutionary.
Option B: Arrest or silence him violently. Doing so while Nobel Laureates are debating “the future of free expression” literally blocks away would shatter the carefully constructed facade and invite global condemnation, potentially forcing the major power propping up Kroll to finally step back.
The Republic of Azmar has prepared a gilded stage for a dialogue on human rights, but what is truly about to commence is a revolution.
What could possibly go wrong? Everything. And we are all watching the fuse burn down.
How many of us have skeletons in the closet that we know nothing about? The skeletons we know about generally stay there, but those we do not, well, they have a habit of coming out of left field when we least expect it.
In this case, when you see your photo on a TV screen with the accompanying text that says you are wanted by every law enforcement agency in Europe, you’re in a state of shock, only to be compounded by those same police, armed and menacing, kicking the door down.
I’d been thinking about this premise for a while after I discovered my mother had a boyfriend before she married my father, a boyfriend who was, by all accounts, the man who was the love of her life.
Then, in terms of coming up with an idea for a story, what if she had a child by him that we didn’t know about, which might mean I had a half brother or sister I knew nothing about. It’s not an uncommon occurrence from what I’ve been researching.
There are many ways of putting a spin on this story.
Then, in the back of my mind, I remembered a story an acquaintance at work was once telling us over morning tea, that a friend of a friend had a mother who had a twin sister and that each of the sisters had a son by the same father, without each knowing of the father’s actions, both growing up without the other having any knowledge of their half brother, only to meet by accident on the other side of the world.
It was an encounter that in the scheme of things might never have happened, and each would have remained oblivious of the other.
For one sister, the relationship was over before she discovered she was pregnant, and therefore had not told the man he was a father. It was no surprise the relationship foundered when she discovered he was also having a relationship with her sister, a discovery that caused her to cut all ties with both of them and never speak to either from that day.
It’s a story with more twists and turns than a country lane!
Background material used in creating a location, an explosive situation, and characters to bring it alive – the story – A Score to Settle
…
The premise
…
The Powder Keg Conference: When Irony Meets Incitement in the Republic of Azmar
The world of international politics often serves up a certain dish of absurdity, but occasionally, the ingredients align for a truly catastrophic meal. We are witnessing such a geopolitical culinary disaster right now, brewing in the fictional Republic of Azmar.
Azmar is, by all measures, a textbook example of modern authoritarianism: a military dictatorship, financially and politically shielded by a major superpower, and helmed by President General Kroll, a man whose personal wealth seems to increase inversely to his country’s freedoms. The regime’s human rights abuses—disappearances, rigged judiciary, suppression of dissent—are not simply allegations; they are an open, festering secret among global watchdog organizations.
And yet, this week, Azmar is throwing a party.
The Irony Convention
In a move that strains the very definition of chutzpah, the Kroll regime is hosting the Global Summit for Progressive Human Rights Advancement.
The contrast is dizzying. While political prisoners languish in overcrowded, secret facilities, the capital city has been scrubbed clean. Banners proclaiming “Justice Through Dialogue” hang from lampposts. The state-run media is ecstatic, broadcasting endless interviews about Azmar’s commitment to “international transparency.”
The goal, of course, is not dialogue. It is legitimization. The conference is a Potemkin Village, a meticulously constructed facade designed to convince foreign investors and, more importantly, the regime’s international patrons that Azmar is a stable, reforming nation.
And perhaps the most volatile element of this stagecraft? The roster of attendees.
The Ethical Tightrope Walk of the Keynote Speaker
The event has attracted truly renowned figures: Nobel Laureates, celebrated international lawyers, and veteran human rights defenders. These are people whose careers have been defined by fighting the very abuses Azmar exemplifies.
Why are they here? For some, it is the genuine belief that dialogue must occur, even with the devil. For others, it’s the hefty speaking fees and the promise of a global stage. Whatever the motivation, their presence offers the Kroll regime exactly what it craves: a veneer of institutional approval.
When a celebrated author stands at the podium, criticizing abstract concepts of oppression while simultaneously shaking hands with the architect of that oppression, the lines between principle and pragmatism blur dangerously. Their words, intended as a critique, are instead absorbed into the regime’s propaganda machine: “See? Even the world’s greatest thinkers endorse Azmar’s path forward.”
It is a tense, ethically compromised theatre. But the real drama is about to erupt just outside the conference hall.
The Return of the Ghost
For years, the domestic unrest in Azmar has been a low, continuous rumble—a simmering resentment against Kroll’s corruption and brutality. The memory of the previous government, the democratically elected administration deposed in the violent coup fifteen years ago, lingered like a ghost, kept alive only by hushed whispers.
That ghost has just materialized.
Simultaneously with the arrival of the international luminaries, news has swept through the Azmari underground that Elias Mendieta, the long-missing son of the deposed and disappeared president, has returned home.
Elias Mendieta represents everything President Kroll is not: legitimacy, democratic mandate, and the promise of a free Azmar. His return is not just political news; it is a profound symbolic act. It transforms simmering discontent into active incitement.
The Collision Course
The timing is either impossibly unlucky for President Kroll or perfectly calculated by Mendieta’s supporters.
Think about the dynamics now at play:
Maximum Global Focus: The world’s major media outlets and human rights organizations are all focused on Azmar due to the conference.
Maximum Internal Tension: The regime has poured all its resources into maintaining a facade of tranquility, meaning security forces are stretched and focused on keeping the peace in the capital’s diplomatic quarters.
Maximum Ideological Threat: Elias Mendieta, the embodiment of popular resistance and democratic history, is now mobilizing supporters in the streets.
This is not a political confrontation that will play out in press releases. This is a dramatic, high-stakes collision.
If Mendieta attempts to make a dramatic public appearance, the regime faces an impossible choice:
Option A: Allow him to speak. This instantly delegitimizes the conference and risks igniting mass protests that could turn revolutionary.
Option B: Arrest or silence him violently. Doing so while Nobel Laureates are debating “the future of free expression” literally blocks away would shatter the carefully constructed facade and invite global condemnation, potentially forcing the major power propping up Kroll to finally step back.
The Republic of Azmar has prepared a gilded stage for a dialogue on human rights, but what is truly about to commence is a revolution.
What could possibly go wrong? Everything. And we are all watching the fuse burn down.
John Pennington’s life is in the doldrums. Looking for new opportunities, and prevaricating about getting married, the only joy on the horizon was an upcoming visit to his grandmother in Sorrento, Italy.
Suddenly he is left at the check-in counter with a message on his phone telling him the marriage is off, and the relationship is over.
If only he hadn’t promised a friend he would do a favour for him in Rome.
At the first stop, Geneva, he has a chance encounter with Zoe, an intriguing woman who captures his imagination from the moment she boards the Savoire, and his life ventures into uncharted territory in more ways than one.
That ‘favour’ for his friend suddenly becomes a life-changing event, and when Zoe, the woman who he knows is too good to be true, reappears, danger and death follow.
Shot at, lied to, seduced, and drawn into a world where nothing is what it seems, John is dragged into an adrenaline-charged undertaking, where he may have been wiser to stay with the ‘devil you know’ rather than opt for the ‘devil you don’t’.
It was the first time in almost a week that I made the short walk to the cafe alone. It was early, and the chill of the morning was still in the air. In summer, it was the best time of the day. When Susan came with me, it was usually much later, when the day was much warmer and less tolerable.
On the morning of the third day of her visit, Susan said she was missing the hustle and bustle of London, and by the end of the fourth she said, in not so many words, she was over being away from ‘civilisation’. This was a side of her I had not seen before, and it surprised me.
She hadn’t complained, but it was making her irritable. The Susan that morning was vastly different to the Susan on the first day. So much, I thought, for her wanting to ‘reconnect’, the word she had used as the reason for coming to Greve unannounced.
It was also the first morning I had time to reflect on her visit and what my feelings were towards her. It was the reason I’d come to Greve: to soak up the peace and quiet and think about what I was going to do with the rest of my life.
I sat in my usual corner. Maria, one of two waitresses, came out, stopped, and there was no mistaking the relief in her manner. There was an air of tension between Susan and Maria I didn’t understand, and it seemed to emanate from Susan rather than the other way around. I could understand her attitude if it was towards Alisha, but not Maria. All she did was serve coffee and cake.
When Maria recovered from the momentary surprise, she said, smiling, “You are by yourself?” She gave a quick glance in the direction of my villa, just to be sure.
“I am this morning. I’m afraid the heat, for one who is not used to it, can be quite debilitating. I’m also afraid it has had a bad effect on her manners, for which I apologise. I cannot explain why she has been so rude to you.”
“You do not have to apologise for her, David, but it is of no consequence to me. I have had a lot worse. I think she is simply jealous.”
It had crossed my mind, but there was no reason for her to be. “Why?”
“She is a woman, I am a woman, she thinks because you and I are friends, there is something between us.”
It made sense, even if it was not true. “Perhaps if I explained…”
Maria shook her head. “If there is a hole in the boat, you should not keep bailing but try to plug the hole. My grandfather had many expressions, David. If I may give you one piece of advice, as much as it is none of my business, you need to make your feelings known, and if they are not as they once were, and I think they are not, you need to tell her. Before she goes home.”
Interesting advice. Not only a purveyor of excellent coffee, but Maria was also a psychiatrist who had astutely worked out my dilemma. What was that expression, ‘not just a pretty face’?
“Is she leaving soon?” I asked, thinking Maria knew more about Susan’s movements than I did.
“You would disappoint me if you had not suspected as much. Susan was having coffee and talking to someone in her office on a cell phone. It was an intense conversation. I should not eavesdrop, but she said being here was like being stuck in hell. It is a pity she does not share your love for our little piece of paradise, is it not?”
“It is indeed. And you’re right. She said she didn’t have a phone, but I know she has one. She just doesn’t value the idea of getting away from the office. Perhaps her role doesn’t afford her that luxury.”
And perhaps Alisha was right about Maria, that I should be more careful. She had liked Maria the moment she saw her. We had sat at this very table, the first day I arrived. I would have travelled alone, but Prendergast, my old boss, liked to know where ex-employees of the Department were, and what they were doing.
She sighed. “I am glad I am just a waitress. Your usual coffee and cake?”
“Yes, please.”
Several months had passed since we had rescued Susan from her despotic father; she had recovered faster than we had thought, and settled into her role as the new Lady Featherington, though she preferred not to use that title, but go by the name of Lady Susan Cheney.
I didn’t get to be a Lord, or have any title, not that I was expecting one. What I had expected was that Susan, once she found her footing as head of what seemed to be a commercial empire, would not have time for details like husbands, particularly when our agreement made before the wedding gave either of us the right to end it.
There was a moment when I visited her recovering in the hospital, where I was going to give her the out, but I didn’t, and she had not invoked it. We were still married, just not living together.
This visit was one where she wanted to ‘reconnect’ as she called it, and invite me to come home with her. She saw no reason why we could not resume our relationship, conveniently forgetting she indirectly had me arrested for her murder, charges both her mother and Lucy vigorously pursued, and had the clone not returned to save me, I might still be in jail.
It was not something I would forgive or forget any time soon.
There were other reasons why I was reluctant to stay with her, like forgetting small details, an irregularity in her character I found odd. She looked the same, she sounded the same, she basically acted the same, but my mind was telling me something was not right. It was not the Susan I first met, even allowing for the ordeal she had been subjected to.
But, despite those misgivings, there was no question in my mind that I still loved her, and her clandestine arrival had brought back all those feelings. But as the days passed, I began to get the impression my feelings were one-sided and she was just going through the motions.
Which brought me to the last argument, earlier, where I said if I went with her, it would be business meetings, social obligations, and quite simply her ‘celebrity’ status that would keep us apart. I reminded her that I had said from the outset I didn’t like the idea of being in the spotlight, and when I reiterated it, she simply brushed it off as just part of the job, adding rather strangely that I always looked good in a suit. The flippancy of that comment was the last straw, and I left before I said something I would regret.
I knew I was not a priority. Maybe somewhere inside me, I had wanted to be a priority, and I was disappointed when I was not.
And finally, there was Alisha. Susan, at the height of the argument, had intimated she believed I had an affair with her, but that elephant was always in the room whenever Alisha was around. It was no surprise when I learned Susan had asked Prendergast to reassign her to other duties.
At least I knew what my feelings for Alisha were, and there were times when I had to remember she was persona non grata. Perhaps that was why Susan had her banished, but, again, a small detail; jealousy was not one of Susan’s traits when I first knew her.
Perhaps it was time to set Susan free.
When I swung around to look in the direction of the lane where my villa was, I saw Susan. She was formally dressed, not in her ‘tourist’ clothes, which she had bought from one of the local clothing stores. We had fun that day, shopping for clothes, a chore I’d always hated. It had been followed by a leisurely lunch, lots of wine and soul searching.
It was the reason why I sat in this corner; old habits die hard. I could see trouble coming from all directions, not that Susan was trouble or at least I hoped not, but it allowed me the time to watch her walking towards the cafe in what appeared to be short, angry steps; perhaps the culmination of the heat wave and our last argument.
She glared at me as she sat, dropping her bag beside her on the ground, where I could see the cell phone sitting on top. She followed my glance down, and then she looked unrepentant back at me.
Maria came back at the exact moment she was going to speak. I noticed Maria hesitate for a second when she saw Susan, then put her smile in place to deliver my coffee.
Neither spoke nor looked at each other. I said, “Susan will have what I’m having, thanks.”
Maria nodded and left.
“Now,” I said, leaning back in my seat, “I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation as to why you didn’t tell me about the phone, but that first time you disappeared, I’d guessed you needed to keep in touch with your business interests. I thought it somewhat unwisethat you should come out when the board of one of your companies was trying to remove you, because of what was it, an unexplained absence? All you had to do was tell me there were problems and you needed to remain at home to resolve them.”
My comment elicited a sideways look, with a touch of surprise.
“It was unfortunate timing on their behalf, and I didn’t want you to think everything else was more important than us. There were issues before I came, and I thought the people at home would be able to manage without me for at least a week, but I was wrong.”
“Why come at all. A phone call would have sufficed.”
“I had to see you, talk to you. At least we have had a chance to do that. I’m sorry about yesterday. I once told you I would not become my mother, but I’m afraid I sounded just like her. I misjudged just how much this role would affect me, and truly, I’m sorry.”
An apology was the last thing I expected.
“You have a lot of work to do catching up after being away, and of course, in replacing your mother and gaining the requisite respect as the new Lady Featherington. I think it would be for the best if I were not another distraction. We have plenty of time to reacquaint ourselves when you get past all these teething issues.”
“You’re not coming with me?” She sounded disappointed.
“I think it would be for the best if I didn’t.”
“Why?”
“It should come as no surprise to you that I’ve been keeping an eye on your progress. You are so much better doing your job without me. I told your mother once that when the time came I would not like the responsibilities of being your husband. Now that I have seen what it could possibly entail, I like it even less. You might also want to reconsider our arrangement, after all, we only had a marriage of convenience, and now that those obligations have been fulfilled, we both have the option of terminating it. I won’t make things difficult for you if that’s what you want.”
It was yet another anomaly, I thought; she should look distressed, and I would raise the matter of that arrangement. Perhaps she had forgotten the finer points. I, on the other hand, had always known we would not last forever. The perplexed expression, to me, was a sign she might have forgotten.
Then, her expression changed. “Is that what you want?”
“I wasn’t madly in love with you when we made that arrangement, so it was easy to agree to your terms, but inexplicably, since then, my feelings for you changed, and I would be sad if we parted ways. But the truth is, I can’t see how this is going to work.”
“In saying that, do you think I don’t care for you?”
That was exactly what I was thinking, but I wasn’t going to voice that opinion out loud. “You spent a lot of time finding new ways to make my life miserable, Susan. You and that wretched friend of yours, Lucy. While your attitude improved after we were married, that was because you were going to use me when you went to see your father, and then almost let me go to prison for your murder.”
“I had nothing to do with that, other than to leave, and I didn’t agree with Lucy that you should be made responsible for my disappearance. I cannot be held responsible for the actions of my mother. She hated you; Lucy didn’t understand you, and Millie told me I was stupid for not loving you in return, and she was right. Why do you think I gave you such a hard time? You made it impossible not to fall in love with you, and it nearly changed my mind about everything I’d been planning so meticulously. But perhaps there was a more subliminal reason why I did because after I left, I wanted to believe, if anything went wrong, you would come and find me.”
“How could you possibly know that I’d even consider doing something like that, given what you knew about me?”
“Prendergast made a passing comment when my mother asked him about you; he told us you were very good at finding people and even better at fixing problems.”
“And yet here we are, one argument away from ending it.”
I could see Maria hovering, waiting for the right moment to deliver her coffee, then go back and find Gianna, the café owner, instead. Gianna was more abrupt and, for that reason, was rarely seen serving the customers. Today, she was particularly cantankerous, banging the cake dish on the table and frowning at Susan before returning to her kitchen. Gianna didn’t like Susan either.
Behind me, I heard a car stop, and when she looked up, I knew it was for her. She had arrived with nothing, and she was leaving with nothing.
She stood. “Last chance.”
“Forever?”
She hesitated and then shook away the look of annoyance on her face. “Of course not. I wanted you to come back with me so we could continue working on our relationship. I agree there are problems, but it’s nothing we can’t resolve if we try.”
I had been trying. “It’s too soon for both of us, Susan. I need to be able to trust you, and given the circumstances, and all that water under the bridge, I’m not sure if I can yet.”
She frowned at me. “As you wish.” She took an envelope out of her bag and put it on the table. “When you are ready, it’s an open ticket home. Please make it sooner rather than later. Despite what you think of me, I have missed you, and I have no intention of ending it between us.”
That said, she glared at me for a minute, shook her head, then walked to the car. I watched her get in and the car drive slowly away.
Background material used in researching the Vietnam was and various other aspects of that period
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Professional soldiers versus the conscripts or nashos
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The Digger and the Nasho: A Comparative Analysis of the Experiences of Regular and Conscripted Soldiers in the Australian Army Task Force, Vietnam
Abstract The Australian commitment to the Vietnam War (1962-1973) was uniquely characterised by the deployment of a large contingent of conscripted soldiers, known as “Nashos,” alongside the volunteer regulars of the professional Australian Army. A pervasive national myth suggests that these two groups were seamlessly integrated, sharing identical experiences, burdens, and fates. This paper challenges that homogenised view. Through an analysis of recruitment, training, unit deployment, operational roles, and the psychosocial experience of homecoming, it argues that while regulars and conscripts were indeed tactically integrated and performed with equal distinction, significant differences in pre-deployment conditioning, perceived military purpose, and post-war societal reception created a fundamentally distinct lived experience for each group. The paper concludes that the policy of tactical integration, while militarily sound, could not erase the profound underlying distinctions between the volunteer and the compelled soldier.
Keywords: Vietnam War, Australia, Conscription, National Service, Australian Army, Military History, Civil-Military Relations, Veterans
1. Introduction
Australia’s involvement in the Vietnam War remains one of the most contentious periods in the nation’s modern history. Central to this controversy was the Menzies government’s reintroduction of conscription in 1964 via the National Service Act 1964, which required twenty-year-old males to register for a lottery-style ballot (the “birthday ballot”). Those selected were obligated to undertake two years of continuous service, which included deployment to an overseas theatre of war, specifically Vietnam. Between 1965 and 1972, approximately 63,735 national servicemen were enlisted, of whom 15,381 served in Vietnam, constituting nearly 40% of all Australian troops deployed (Dennis et al., 2008).
The official military narrative, both at the time and in subsequent decades, emphasised the seamless integration of these conscripts, or “Nashos,” into the regular army. They wore the same uniform, trained in the same institutions, and fought alongside career soldiers in the same infantry sections and platoons. This led to a public perception of a monolithic “Digger” experience. However, a deeper historiographical examination reveals a more complex reality. This paper will argue that while the Australian Army Task Force (1ATF) successfully integrated conscripts and regulars at a tactical level for operational effectiveness, the two groups’ experiences were differentiated by fundamental factors: their reasons for being there, their career trajectories, their assignment to specific corps, their psychological framing of the conflict, and their vastly different receptions upon returning home.
2. Methodological Framework and Sources
This analysis employs a comparative historical methodology, drawing upon a range of primary and secondary sources. Primary sources include official government documents, unit war diaries, and personal narratives from veterans of both groups. Secondary sources comprise scholarly military histories, sociological studies on conscription, and psychological analyses of Vietnam veterans. The paper will structure its comparison across several key domains: recruitment and training, unit deployment and corps assignment, combat experience, and post-deployment life.
3. Recruitment and Training: The Volunteer and the Conscript
The initial and most profound difference lay in the state of mind upon entry into the military.
3.1 The Regular Soldier The regular army volunteer enlisted as a career choice. Motivated by factors including family tradition, a desire for adventure, economic opportunity, or a belief in the “Forward Defence” policy and the Domino Theory, the regular made a conscious decision to become a professional soldier (McNeill, 1984). Their training was part of a long-term investment in a military profession. They often had more time to absorb military culture and skills, progressing through a system designed to retain them for years.
3.2 The National Serviceman In stark contrast, the Nasho was compelled. His entry was not a choice but a result of statistical chance. While some accepted their fate with equanimity or even enthusiasm, many others felt resentment, anxiety, or a sense of profound injustice (Edwards, 1997). Their two-year service was a finite interruption to their civilian lives—university, apprenticeships, careers. This created a “tourist” mentality, a focus on surviving their 365-day operational tour and returning to “the World.” Their initial training at Scheyville or Puckapunyal, while intense, was accelerated, designed to produce a combat-ready infantryman in a matter of months, not a long-serving professional.
This divergence in motivation and temporal perspective created an underlying psychological schism. The regular was building a life; the Nasho was serving a sentence.
4. Unit Deployment and Corps Assignment: The Myth of Total Integration
While it is true that once in Vietnam, Nashos and regulars were mixed within units, their pathways to specific roles were not identical.
4.1 The Infantry: A Forced Integration The policy of the Army was to fully integrate national servicemen into regular battalions. A typical rifle company in 6RAR or 7RAR would be a mix of regular and conscripted soldiers. In the field, on patrol, and in contact with the enemy, no distinction was made. Promotion was based on merit and vacancy; many conscripts attained the rank of Corporal or even Sergeant, leading sections or platoons that contained regular soldiers (Coulthard-Clark, 2001). In the crucible of combat, the bond of “mateship” overwhelmingly superseded the distinction between volunteer and conscript. Survival depended on mutual trust and professional competence, not one’s method of enlistment.
4.2 The Corps Divide: Voluntary Skilled Roles However, a significant difference emerged in assignments to certain specialist corps. Technical support roles—in the Royal Australian Engineers (RAE), Royal Australian Signals (RASigs), Royal Australian Army Ordnance Corps (RAAOC), and Royal Australian Electrical and Mechanical Engineers (RAEME)—were overwhelmingly filled by regular soldiers (O’Keefe, 1994). These roles required long-term training and investment, making them unsuitable for a conscript on a two-year stint. A Nasho could not train for 12-18 months to be a signals technician only to have 6 months of useful service.
Conversely, the infantry and armour (tank and APC crews), which required robust numbers and where training could be completed relatively quickly, absorbed the vast majority of conscripts. This meant that while conscripts were fully integrated into the infantry, they were significantly underrepresented in the technical and logistical support corps. Consequently, the dangerous, relentless “grunt” work of patrolling and engaging the enemy in the jungles of Phuoc Tuy province fell disproportionately, though not exclusively, to a force that was 40-50% conscripted.
5. The Combat Experience: Shared Danger, Divergent Perspectives
In the operational area, the experience of danger was a great leveller. A bullet or mine did not discriminate between a volunteer and a conscript. Patrols, ambushes, and major battles like Long Tan (1966) and Coral-Balmoral (1968) were fought by integrated units. The primary identity in combat was that of the section, the platoon, and the battalion.
Yet, the psychological lens through which this experience was filtered differed. For the regular, this was his job, the culmination of his training, and a step in his career. For the Nasho, it was often an alien, terrifying ordeal to be endured until his DEROS (Date Eligible for Return from Overseas). Historian Peter Edwards notes that conscripts frequently expressed a more instrumental view of the war: their goal was not a grand strategic victory but the more immediate objective of keeping themselves and their mates alive until their tour ended (Edwards, 1997). This did not make them less effective soldiers, but it did colour their personal narrative of the conflict.
6. The Homecoming: The Deepening Divide
The most stark and damaging difference between the two groups manifested upon their return to Australia.
6.1 The Regular Soldier For the career soldier, returning to Australia often meant returning to the supportive, insular community of an army base. His professional identity was validated within his institution. He could continue his career, often with another posting, surrounded by colleagues who understood his experience.
6.2 The National Serviceman For the Nasho, the end of his tour meant an immediate and often brutal transition. He was discharged from the army, given a suit, a pay cheque, and sent back to a society that was deeply divided over the war he had just fought. He returned not to a military community but to a civilian one where his experience was either misunderstood or met with outright hostility. He was instructed not to wear his uniform in public to avoid abuse. The societal rejection felt by many Vietnam veterans was, therefore, a burden borne disproportionately by the conscripts, who were thrust back into the civilian world that had rejected the war (Jensen, 2021). They lacked the ongoing institutional support structure of the army, leaving many to process trauma and alienation alone.
7. Conclusion
The Australian Army’s policy of integrating regular soldiers and conscripts in Vietnam was an operational success. At the tactical level, in the infantry battalions that formed the backbone of 1ATF, the distinction between “Nasho” and “Digger” was largely irrelevant to the conduct of military operations. They fought together, bled together, and achieved together with equal valour and professionalism.
However, to claim their experiences were identical is a historical oversimplification. Their journeys were bookended by profound differences. The regular began his journey with a sense of purpose and choice; the conscript began his with compulsion and interruption. While they fought side-by-side, conscripts were funnelled into the direct combat arms in greater proportion, while regulars dominated the technical support roles. Finally, and most significantly, their wars ended in utterly different ways: the regular returned to the embrace of his profession, while the conscript was cast adrift into a fractious and often hostile society.
The experience of the Australian soldier in Vietnam was not monolithic. It was a spectrum defined, above all, by the nature of one’s service. Understanding the nuanced differences between the regular and the conscript is crucial not only for historical accuracy but also for appreciating the complex and enduring legacy of the Vietnam War for Australian veterans and the nation itself. The integration was real in the jungle, but the dichotomy of choice versus chance created two distinct strands of experience within the same formidable military force.
References
Coulthard-Clark, C. (2001). The Encyclopaedia of Australia’s Battles. Allen & Unwin.
Dennis, P., Grey, J., Morris, E., Prior, R., & Bou, J. (2008). The Oxford Companion to Australian Military History (2nd ed.). Oxford University Press.
Edwards, P. (1997). A Nation at War: Australian Politics, Society and Diplomacy during the Vietnam War 1965-1975. Allen & Unwin.
Jensen, P. (2021). The Long Return: Australian Vietnam Veterans and their Endless War. NewSouth Publishing.
McNeill, I. (1984). The Team: Australian Army Advisers in Vietnam 1962-1972. Australian War Memorial.
O’Keefe, B. (1994). Medicine at War: Medical Aspects of Australia’s Involvement in Southeast Asia 1950-1972. Allen & Unwin.
OK, I could have made one, I have a Nespresso machine, purchased after watching an inspiring George Clooney advertisement (well, my wife bought it) but I was after something with a little more oomph!
We have a small shopping centre just up the road about a kilometre and I thought, what’s five minutes and a short drive against a cup of hot, steaming, delicious to the last drop, coffee?
That’s where any semblance of sanity ends.
I walked out the back door and forgot the car keys, so I had to go back in. The door opens and the cat gets out. Not so bad you think, but no, after three road kills, the cat getting out is a major catastrophe (pardon the pun).
Ten minutes later, cornered like a rat in a trap, he is back inside, I have the keys, and out in the car. It’s a hot day, and the air conditioning isn’t working. Damn. It’s like 45 degrees Celsius in the car.
This is the time to give up and go back inside. The omens are telling!
I don’t.
Our driveway is up a slight hill and usually we back the cars up so it’s easier to drive out onto the street. We live in a corner house, and whilst it is not a busy intersection, it has been known for cars to treat it like the third chicane of a grand prix. Late at night cars have rolled trying to make that tight corner.
I’m reversing off the driveway, too lazy the previous day to back it up, and you guessed it, Enzo Ferrari’s brother is making heavy weather in the third chicane and takes the corner wide, sliding across to the other side of the street, a) because he’s going too fast, and b) because he just saw me backing out of my driveway.
I’m having a heart attack and waiting for the bang, and he’s rapidly accelerating, smoke pouring from streaming tyres, and engine roaring in first or second as the revs pass 9000 and are redlining.
Disaster averted. One speed junkie and daredevil happy, one old man shaken to the core.
So far I’ve travelled 10 metres.
On the radio the station is playing the James Bond theme from ‘You Only Live Twice’.
Apt, very apt.
I am now very sedately driving to the shopping centre, the road following a wide curve. Nothing can go wrong here, until I reach the T intersection. I stop like I do every time, and look. No cars from the left, and one opposite me, turning into my street.
I start to turn. The car opposite decides to do a U Turn, and I slam the foot on the brakes. The driver of the other car is oblivious to me, happily chatting on her mobile phone. Didn’t stop, didn’t look, didn’t care.
My heart rate is now 170 over 122, and perhaps I should be clinically dead.
Coffee is the last thing I need.
But I persevere. How much worse can it get?
The shopping centre is not far, up to the roundabout and a right turn into the shopping centre car part. Usually there are plenty of parking spots, today there a none. I drive down one of the lanes, and nearly get hit but a reversing driver. Again, not looking, or perhaps distracted by four children in the back seat.
Or the very, very loud music coming from the car.
I thought at first it was the pounding of my headache, brought on by high blood pressure.
I back up the car a) top give the driver more room to reverse out, and b) so I could turn into the spot when he vacates it.
More fool me. The car backs out, another driver swoops in and takes the spot.
I get out to remonstrate, but he’s three feet wide and seven feet tall with a scarred face and tattoos on both arms. Time to move on.
Yes, there’s nothing like a tall hot steaming cup of coffee on a pleasant Sunday morning.
Investigation of crimes doesn’t always go according to plan, nor does the perpetrator get either found or punished.
That was particularly true in my case. The murderer was incredibly careful in not leaving any evidence behind, to the extent that the police could not rule out whether it was a male or a female.
At one stage the police thought I had murdered my own wife though how I could be on a train at the time of the murder was beyond me. I had witnesses and a cast-iron alibi.
The officer in charge was Detective First Grade Gabrielle Walters. She came to me on the day after the murder seeking answers to the usual questions like, when was the last time you saw your wife, did you argue, the neighbors reckon there were heated discussions the day before.
Routine was the word she used.
Her fellow detective was a surly piece of work whose intention was to get answers or, more likely, a confession by any or all means possible. I could sense the raging violence within him. Fortunately, common sense prevailed.
Over the course of the next few weeks, once I’d been cleared of committing the crime, Gabrielle made a point of keeping me informed of the progress.
After three months the updates were more sporadic, and when, for lack of progress, it became a cold case, communication ceased.
But it was not the last I saw of Gabrielle.
The shock of finding Vanessa was more devastating than the fact she was now gone, and those images lived on in the same nightmare that came to visit me every night when I closed my eyes.
For months I was barely functioning, to the extent I had all but lost my job, and quite a few friends, particularly those who were more attached to Vanessa rather than me.
They didn’t understand how it could affect me so much, and since it had not happened to them, my tart replies of ‘you wouldn’t understand’ were met with equally short retorts. Some questioned my sanity, even, for a time, so did I.
No one, it seemed, could understand what it was like, no one except Gabrielle.
She was by her own admission, damaged goods, having been the victim of a similar incident, a boyfriend who turned out to be an awfully bad boy. Her story varied only in she had been made to witness his execution. Her nightmare, in reliving that moment in time, was how she was still alive and, to this day, had no idea why she’d been spared.
It was a story she told me one night, some months after the investigation had been scaled down. I was still looking for the bottom of a bottle and an emotional mess. Perhaps it struck a resonance with her; she’d been there and managed to come out the other side.
What happened become our secret, a once-only night together that meant a great deal to me, and by mutual agreement, it was not spoken of again. It was as if she knew exactly what was required to set me on the path to recovery.
And it had.
Since then, we saw each about once a month in a cafe. I had been surprised to hear from her again shortly after that eventful night when she called to set it up, ostensibly for her to provide me with any updates on the case, but perhaps we had, after that unspoken night, formed a closer bond than either of us wanted to admit.
We generally talked for hours over wine, then dinner and coffee. It took a while for me to realize that all she had was her work, personal relationships were nigh on impossible in a job that left little or no spare time for anything else.
She’d always said that if I had any questions or problems about the case, or if there was anything that might come to me that might be relevant, even after all this time, all I had to do was call her.
I wondered if this text message was in that category. I was certain it would interest the police and I had no doubt they could trace the message’s origin, but there was that tiny degree of doubt, about whether or not I could trust her to tell me what the message meant.
I reached for the phone then put it back down again. I’d think about it and decide tomorrow.
Thrills, Spills, and just a dash of Romance 