“The Document” – the editor’s final draft – Day 28

This book has been sitting in the ‘to-be-done’ tray, so this month it is going to get the final revision.

And so it begins…

…

The final two chapters are coming

…

That’s right.

Two chapters to go, before I get to type those two wonderful words. ‘The End’ again.

Of writing that revised second draft, of course.

But not the end of the process. A little rest time away from it and then the next laborious task begins.

Editing after the beta readers are finished with it.

Perhaps we should have a NaNoWriMo, with a Ma standing for May, and setting a month aside to do that edit.

Come to think of it, maybe I’ll do anyway it just to see how it goes.

‘The Devil You Don’t’ – A beta reader’s view

It could be said that of all the women one could meet, whether contrived or by sheer luck, what are the odds it would turn out to be the woman who was being paid a very large sum to kill you.

John Pennington is a man who may be lucky in business, but not so lucky in love. He has just broken up with Phillipa Sternhaven, the woman he thought was the one, but relatives and circumstances, and perhaps because she was a ‘princess’, may also have contributed to the end result.

So, what do you do when you are heartbroken?

That is a story that slowly unfolds, from the first meeting with his nemesis on Lake Geneva, all the way to a hotel room in Sorrento, where he learns the shattering truth.

What should have been solace after disappointment, turns out to be something else entirely, and from that point, everything goes to hell in a handbasket.

He suddenly realizes his so-called friend Sebastian has not exactly told him the truth about a small job he asked him to do, the woman he is falling in love with is not quite who she says she is, and he is caught in the middle of a war between two men who consider people becoming collateral damage as part of their business.

The story paints the characters cleverly displaying all their flaws and weaknesses. The locations add to the story at times taking me back down memory lane, especially to Venice where, in those back streets I confess it’s not all that hard to get lost.

All in all a thoroughly entertaining story with, for once, a satisfying end.

…

Available on Amazon here: https://amzn.to/2Xyh1ow

…

“The Document” – the editor’s final draft – Day 28

This book has been sitting in the ‘to-be-done’ tray, so this month it is going to get the final revision.

And so it begins…

…

The final two chapters are coming

…

That’s right.

Two chapters to go, before I get to type those two wonderful words. ‘The End’ again.

Of writing that revised second draft, of course.

But not the end of the process. A little rest time away from it and then the next laborious task begins.

Editing after the beta readers are finished with it.

Perhaps we should have a NaNoWriMo, with a Ma standing for May, and setting a month aside to do that edit.

Come to think of it, maybe I’ll do anyway it just to see how it goes.

Skeletons in the closet, and doppelgangers

A story called “Mistaken Identity”

…

How many of us have skeletons in the closet that we know nothing about? The skeletons we know about generally stay there, but those we do not, well, they have a habit of coming out of left field when we least expect it.

In this case, when you see your photo on a TV screen with the accompanying text that says you are wanted by every law enforcement agency in Europe, you’re in a state of shock, only to be compounded by those same police, armed and menacing, kicking the door down.

I’d been thinking about this premise for a while after I discovered my mother had a boyfriend before she married my father, a boyfriend who was, by all accounts, the man who was the love of her life.

Then, in terms of coming up with an idea for a story, what if she had a child by him that we didn’t know about, which might mean I had a half brother or sister I knew nothing about. It’s not an uncommon occurrence from what I’ve been researching.

There are many ways of putting a spin on this story.

Then, in the back of my mind, I remembered a story an acquaintance at work was once telling us over morning tea, that a friend of a friend had a mother who had a twin sister and that each of the sisters had a son by the same father, without each knowing of the father’s actions, both growing up without the other having any knowledge of their half brother, only to meet by accident on the other side of the world.

It was an encounter that in the scheme of things might never have happened, and each would have remained oblivious of the other.

For one sister, the relationship was over before she discovered she was pregnant, and therefore had not told the man he was a father. It was no surprise the relationship foundered when she discovered he was also having a relationship with her sister, a discovery that caused her to cut all ties with both of them and never speak to either from that day.

It’s a story with more twists and turns than a country lane!

And a great idea for a story.

That story is called ‘Mistaken Identity’.

The cinema of my dreams – It ended in Sorrento – Episode 45

Rodby comes clean

…

I was beginning to believe that it wasn’t half the story I knew, but about a quarter.  How did that little tidbit of information get left out of the official briefing, and accompanying documents.

I knew there was something he was not telling me.  And, worse, I realized now that this was a totally off-the-books operation, and the reason why it was both Cecelia and I, we were expendable if anything went wrong.

Surely Rodby hadn’t thought I wouldn’t find out.  It certainly explained why he was trying to keep it at arm’s length. And left it to Martha to ask me if I would talk to the countess about her problem.

Perhaps I should have told her back in London that the countess did not want me to intervene.  No, she probably wouldn’t listen.  She had to be the older sister, and that made sense the way the countess deferred to her in London.

And why hadn’t the countess told me of this connection?

Stepsisters.

Did Rodby know, or was he, like me, working under the assumption they were simply old friends.  Would she lie to her husband, knowing who he is?  It was another can of worms.

I heard a thump on the table and switched my attention back to Benito.  He was looking at me, with one hand on a rather large handgun. What looked like a relic from the last world war.

It looked like it could do some serious damage and he knew how to use it.

“Now, whoever you are, tell me where you’re from and who you work for.”

“Or you’ll shoot me?”

“It won’t be the first time this gun has gone off accidentally.”

I believed him.  I took a moment to assess my chances of making the distance from my chair to the gun and wrest it away from him.  They were not good.  There was a reason why I was sitting so far from his table.  This man had had to deal with unsavoury characters before.

“I am not your enemy.  As far as I am aware, I was asked to look for the countess, but a man named Rodby, a man I used to work for, and I last met him and his wife yesterday.  The day before that I met a woman who told me she was the countess, and who travelled here yesterday with my partner and two other women. Vittoria and her daughter Juliet.  Again, as far as I am aware, Juliet is the illegitimate daughter of the count and another possible heir to the Burkehardt estate.”

“You said, ‘a woman who told you she was the countess’.  What did you mean by that?”

“You, that gun, and a boss who doesn’t make sense.  I think you’re about to tell me the woman I met, and currently protecting, is not the countess?”

He had to make a decision whether to trust me or not.  And even if he did one wrong word and I would regret it.

“When we first met a month ago, the countess and I created a code that was to preface every communication.  It worked well for two weeks then the code disappeared.  I suspected she had been taken, and when a woman purporting to be the countess turned up in my office, I knew.  She has been kidnapped.  She had no idea of our previous conversations and took the documents I needed her to sign away with her.”

As good a sign that she knew where the real countess was.  Ui didn’t really know who the countess was, so anyone could have been presented to me and I’d believe them.

“If you are working for the kidnappers, I have nothing to tell you.  If you are not, I cannot tell you who has taken her or where she is, and quite frankly I don’t want to.  There is no ransom note, no communication at all.  If that girl out there is looking for the countess, then she must be working for the Burkehardt’s because it is in their best interests to meet with her before the due date to get her final decision.  Once again, are you a friend or foe?”

“Friend.  The first time I met the countess was in London a few days ago when I went to the opera with her.  After that, I was asked if I would help her with a problem, but before I could find out what it was, she disappeared.  Perhaps her pretence had been discovered.  Nothing is ever straightforward, not when it comes to Rodby.”

And if the Mrs Rodby I saw at the opera yesterday was not her, why did they get me to meet her?  I’d be the last person Rodby would want to put on her case because he’d know I wouldn’t accept what I’d been told.  The murky water just got more muddied.  Who would want to kidnap the countess and what did they want from her?  All I could think of was that someone knew she was inheriting, kidnapped her, and had inserted a fake countess to turn up to the ratifying of the will.  Would she become expendable, would they both become expendable after the transaction was complete?

Where did Vittoria and Juliet come in?  Did whoever had taken the countess even know about their interest in the estate?

“I suspect that Mrs Rodby isn’t Mrs Rodby either,” I said, “Which just adds another layer of mud.”  I shook my head.  “When I see Rodby again I’m going to strangle him with my bare hands.  Are you still going to Burkehardt’s solicitors to oversee the signing?  I think we =can assume the fake countess will be there.  I’m supposed to make sure she gets there.  That was one of my mission parameters.”

“I will be, with police officers, and will be exposing that woman as a fake.  Unless you find the real one, or the Burkehardt’s do, though I think it preferable if you or someone else did.  I have consistently advised her that it was not a good idea to marry into the family.  Either of the sisters.  When the Tolliver’s adopted Heidi, she was a troubled girl who had been flirting with the aristocracy and had settled on marrying one of them.  Of course, her parents had a title but not wealth and encouraged her to find such a man so they could all live off his family.  The count was a man who never wanted to be tied to one woman and had an infamous reputation with women, especially the servants, and when you mentioned Vittoria, there was a case in point.  But, the girl she says is her daughter, is not.  I know she has a birth certificate, but it is a very good forgery.  The count was going to marry Martha, there had been an arrangement between the Tolliver’s and the Burkehardt’s, which would have resolved the issues were having now, but Heidi professed that the count had made her pregnant, and the Tolliver’s were not people you just shrugged off, so Martha’s wedding was stopped, and Heidi took her place.  If you want another scenario, just as plausible as all the others, then look no further than Martha.  Everything would have been hers had her sister not interfered with a phantom pregnancy.  Knowing her as I do, and have done for many years, she is very capable of doing something like this.”

Why couldn’t this be just a simple kidnapping by some avaricious monster who wanted everything for him or herself, like a crazy business rival, or make just the mafia looking for a one hundred per cent share?  That would make sense.

“I should just go home and let them all kill each other and that would be an end to it.”

‘If only life was that simple.  I wish you all the luck in the world.  You’re going to need it.”

© Charles Heath 2023

Motive, means, and opportunity – Episode 13

…

Just who is this Alexander Bergman?

…

Bryson was fully aware that you can only get answers to the questions according to what you know about a victim.  It’s why no one told him about Bergman having any military service or anything that might be relevant outside his usual business, and affairs.

A conversation between Worthey and Bergman’s daughter raised the possibility of military service, most likely in the Army, and equally likely somewhere in the Middle East, but a follow-up conversation between Worthey and her over the phone produced no further results.

It did yield one more interesting fact, that the daughter was from an earlier rather brief marriage and that Sandra had remained with the mother and had known nothing about her father until the mother had died and left his details in a letter to be given to her.

Her acquaintance with him had been relatively brief, six months at most, and in that time, she had failed to find out anything about him other than he was selfish and inconsiderate, and that it was no surprise her mother had not told her about him.

She was surprised to learn that he had made her a beneficiary of his will, not that it would amount to much.

Bryson then moved on to his most recent spouse, Stacy.  She had been number four.  The most she could say about the other three was that the first was a mistake, the second lasted exactly six weeks, and the third was to an older woman, a rich widow, Stacy said, who died in suspicious circumstances.

It was where Stacy said, Bergman got the funds to set up his business.

Stacy had first met Bergman in a night club where she was a dancer, no, not an exotic dancer, and he had been with wife number three at the time.  She should have realized that Bergman was not trustworthy when he asked to date her on the pretext that he and his current wife were estranged and were in the process of divorcing.

She hadn’t realized at the time that her death might have been suspicious, just that she had conveniently died so she and Bergman were free to marry.

She knew nothing about any military service, he did not mention it.  He said he had once worked for an international aid organization and had often travelled and remained overseas for months at a time, but those visits had been curtailed once he married her.  However, he frequently made flying visits to both suppliers and clients, but these, she was assured, were all in America.

She had never seen him with a passport, had seen his travel arrangements from time to time in the form of itineraries, and on several occasions had asked her to go with him, but she had declined.  She did not travel well in aeroplanes.

Wendy Anderson proved to be a more difficult case to get information out of.

It was clear from the outset she knew a lot more than she admitted to.  The call on the telephone started badly and ended abruptly.  He sent Worthey and several officers to arrest her and bring her back to the station.

Once in the interview room, a lawyer by her side, Bryson told her, “At the moment I’m half inclined to charge you with obstruction.  I asked a simple question, do you know whether Alexander Berman was in the military/  It isn’t a difficult question.”

“It is as if what he did was something he was not supposed to mention or talk about.”

“He obviously told you.”

“I can keep a secret.  I made a solemn promise never to repeat to anyone what he told me.”

“He’s now dead, that hardly seems relevant.  What is relevant is the fact that whatever it is he did might have some direct effect on why he’s dead.”

“It wasn’t that spectacular.  If you’re looking for a murderer look no further than James.”

‘So you keep saying, but the facts say otherwise.  I assume you knew he had four wives, the most recent Stacy, and that he has a daughter, Sandra.”

“Did he?”

“You mean in all of the thirty-odd years you have known him he never mentioned it?  Or the fact he was briefly married to one Annabelle Bentley, shortly after he graduated from University?”

Bryson was observing Wendy Anderson very carefully and when he mentioned the daughter, she showed genuine surprise.  That wasn’t the same when he asked her about military service.

“If he did have a daughter, I’m sure it was a surprise to him as well.  Perhaps they had parted, and she was pregnant and forgot or deliberately didn’t tell him. 

It was a logical assumption, Bryson thought.

“And as far as I was aware, Alex was in the National Guard for a brief period, arising from his time in a cadet corps when he was much younger, something his father made him do.  I had no idea if he carried that forward, and he never mentioned it.”

“How do you explain the obvious absences?”

“The charity work involved staying overseas for long periods.  From time to time I would visit him in various locations.  Not one was he in uniform, or anywhere near military action.  If he was, he hid it well.”

Or she just wasn’t all that observant.

“You have other matters you wish to ask me about?: she asked.

Perhaps it was time to throw the car among the pigeons.

“We have managed to get access to the text messages on one of Bergman’s cell phones, and there is a considerable exchange of sometimes very explicit tests between yourself and the deceased, as well as some attached photographs which suggest that your relationship is not what you are portraying it as.  That phone is currently missing.  Now, I will ask you once again, what was the nature of your relationship with the deceased.”

An almost priceless expression on her face, surely she had some idea if anything happened to her boyfriend the police would be looking at his phone records.

“And you were not the only woman he was conducting this type of relationship with.  We have, so far, found three others, equally as intense, shall we say.  The nature of the text messages and the tenor of one of the last he sent you, which I’m sure you are aware of, where he said he would have no hesitation in showing your husband those photographs, gives you a clear motive.  And, if you say your husband has a gun, I’m assuming you know where it is, and how to gain access to it, if you follow my meaning.”

It was very clear by her expression she did.  “I did not kill him.  He did not tell me what he was about to do, though I did ask him to destroy those photographs.  Equally, if Bergman intended to use those photographs to get my husband to sign the divorce papers, for whatever reason, then would that equally give James motive?”

It would, or it might have been a case of good riddance, but Bryson could not allow his snap judgement of wither to interfere in an unbiased investigation.

Yes, the expression had changed again, he thought, having realised what she’d said.  It was apparent to him she was truly angry at a husband, but for different reasons, none of which were attached to Bergman, but she had been handed a perfect opportunity to set him up for the murder.

And one thing was certain about her.  She was making it noticeably clear to him that she wanted her husband to take the fall for the murder.

“Just so you know, we believe there is another phone, the one that he received a message to meet him at the Zoo carpark at 10pm.  There was evidence in the car and on his person of perfume, Mrs Anderson, not unlike what you are wearing now.”

…

© Charles Heath 2019-2023

The cinema of my dreams – Was it just another surveillance job – Episode 31

I’m back home and this story has been sitting on a back burner for a few months, waiting for some more to be written.

The trouble is, there are also other stories to write, and I’m not very good at prioritizing.

But, here we are, a few minutes opened up and it didn’t take long to get back into the groove.

Chasing leads, maybe

 

Was it too late to admit that I was way in over my head?

Of course, it should not come as a surprise that Jan would know of his alter ego if she was the friend she said she was.  Her name was on that scrap of paper with part of the address, and I should have guessed.

Again, my lack of knowledge and training was letting me down.

Now it seemed I had both Severin and Maury, Nobbin and Josephine, and Jan all working against me.

He had more enemies that I did, which begged the question, what the hell was he in to?  What could he possibly have found that was so damaging?

Perhaps I’d find that out if or when I found the missing USB drive.

In the meantime, I had to get back to the hotel before Jan did and try and keep a straight face.

But just as I started to put the seat belt on, another figure was walking from the road towards the front door.  A man, tall, with a purposeful stride.  

The light was still on so I would get to see who it was once he reached the door.  Then I saw the front door open, and Jan standing in it.  A second later I saw the face, just as he passed through the doorway and the door shut.

Severin.

She had lied.  So, why was it making me so angry?

I should have realized the whole Maury thing was a setup.  She hadn’t called her office, she had called Severin, and he can’t have been far away to get there in the time he had.

So, why didn’t he drag me off?

Easy.  So I would see the need to keep working with Jan, and in doing so, when I found the USB I’d tell her, and the next minute I’d get whacked over the head, and lose it.

Damn.

I was being played like a finely tuned fiddle.

But at least I knew about the car and had removed any evidence and the letters that were left on the ground inside the door.  It was something, and she would not find anything to help her, even if she knew he had a car.  It meant I was one step ahead of her.

After thanking a last look at the block, I left.  Better to find somewhere else to stay, just for tonight, and then go back to the hotel in Charing Cross and see if she returned.

I found a small hotel just off Bromley Road, a short distance down Avondale Road.  Out of the way and unassuming, with car parking that couldn’t be seen from the main road.  The late hour raised an eyebrow, but I used the excuse of getting in late from the airport.  After all, it was 02:30 in the morning and I was surprised there was anyone available on the front counter.

He gave me a room tucked away in a corner where there was only one entrance, and I could see anyone coming.  I wasn’t expecting anything, but just in case I had checked the car for a tracker.

None that I could find.

I needed sleep, but lying there staring at the ceiling, I replayed the arrival of Jan at the flat, followed by Severin.  It was a reminder that I should not believe or trust anyone.

It reminded me of the words of one of the instructors who said, one morning, quite abruptly, that we were about to become the loneliest people in the world.  If we trusted anyone, even if they were from our own side, it could mean one thing and one thing only.  Death.

We could not and should not trust anyone.

We should not believe a word of anything anyone tells us.

We should not recruit anyone from outside the service because unless they could be fully vetted, they could be your undoing.

We could not have friends, and certainly no romantic interests otherwise they would be used as leverage against us.

It was the worse hour lecture we’d been given, and the instructor had told us he had left the best till last.  It was time to decide whether we wanted to go on or bail.  Several had.

I didn’t think, then, it would be a problem.

Now, I was beginning to think otherwise.

 

© Charles Heath 2020

“The Document” – the editor’s final draft – Day 27

This book has been sitting in the ‘to-be-done’ tray, so this month it is going to get the final revision.

And so it begins…

…

All’s well if it ends well

…

Three days to go, so much to do.

Although I’ve reached nearly 62,000 words, much longer than the original 50,000 word target I have not finished the novel, and the plot changes are causing a little consternation.

I know now how it is going to end, but it’s getting there, in three days that’s the problem.

So, back and forth I go, laying the groundwork in the earlier chapters and I now have only one more piece to fix, the words on the document that set the series of events in motion.

Novel writing is exhausting.

The editor’s draft is not going to be the horrible mess covered in post-it notes like the first draft, but after all is said and done it will be a novel that was revised and a lot more coherent in 30 days, a remarkable achievement.

An excerpt from “If Only” – a work in progress

Investigation of crimes doesn’t always go according to plan, nor does the perpetrator get either found or punished.

That was particularly true in my case.  The murderer was incredibly careful in not leaving any evidence behind, to the extent that the police could not rule out whether it was a male or a female.

At one stage the police thought I had murdered my own wife though how I could be on a train at the time of the murder was beyond me.  I had witnesses and a cast-iron alibi.

The officer in charge was Detective First Grade Gabrielle Walters.  She came to me on the day after the murder seeking answers to the usual questions like, when was the last time you saw your wife, did you argue, the neighbors reckon there were heated discussions the day before.

Routine was the word she used.

Her fellow detective was a surly piece of work whose intention was to get answers or, more likely, a confession by any or all means possible.  I could sense the raging violence within him.  Fortunately, common sense prevailed.

Over the course of the next few weeks, once I’d been cleared of committing the crime, Gabrielle made a point of keeping me informed of the progress.

After three months the updates were more sporadic, and when, for lack of progress, it became a cold case, communication ceased.

But it was not the last I saw of Gabrielle.

The shock of finding Vanessa was more devastating than the fact she was now gone, and those images lived on in the same nightmare that came to visit me every night when I closed my eyes.

For months I was barely functioning, to the extent I had all but lost my job, and quite a few friends, particularly those who were more attached to Vanessa rather than me.

They didn’t understand how it could affect me so much, and since it had not happened to them, my tart replies of ‘you wouldn’t understand’ were met with equally short retorts.  Some questioned my sanity, even, for a time, so did I.

No one, it seemed, could understand what it was like, no one except Gabrielle.

She was by her own admission, damaged goods, having been the victim of a similar incident, a boyfriend who turned out to be an awfully bad boy.  Her story varied only in she had been made to witness his execution.  Her nightmare, in reliving that moment in time, was how she was still alive and, to this day, had no idea why she’d been spared.

It was a story she told me one night, some months after the investigation had been scaled down.  I was still looking for the bottom of a bottle and an emotional mess.  Perhaps it struck a resonance with her; she’d been there and managed to come out the other side.

What happened become our secret, a once-only night together that meant a great deal to me, and by mutual agreement, it was not spoken of again.  It was as if she knew exactly what was required to set me on the path to recovery.

And it had.

Since then, we saw each about once a month in a cafe.   I had been surprised to hear from her again shortly after that eventful night when she called to set it up, ostensibly for her to provide me with any updates on the case, but perhaps we had, after that unspoken night, formed a closer bond than either of us wanted to admit.

We generally talked for hours over wine, then dinner and coffee.  It took a while for me to realize that all she had was her work, personal relationships were nigh on impossible in a job that left little or no spare time for anything else.

She’d always said that if I had any questions or problems about the case, or if there was anything that might come to me that might be relevant, even after all this time, all I had to do was call her.

I wondered if this text message was in that category.  I was certain it would interest the police and I had no doubt they could trace the message’s origin, but there was that tiny degree of doubt, about whether or not I could trust her to tell me what the message meant.

I reached for the phone then put it back down again.  I’d think about it and decide tomorrow.

© Charles Heath 2018-2020

“The Document” – the editor’s final draft – Day 26

This book has been sitting in the ‘to-be-done’ tray, so this month it is going to get the final revision.

And so it begins…

…

Something had to change

…

And that, my friends, is the words on the document.

When I conceived the original story, the words were quite simple, a memo from one man to another, words that should not be committed to paper.

Ah, yes, the dreaded paper trail.

Those words were adequate at the time, but now, with developments in the story and a shift or two in the plotline, it’s time to change those words.

They need to be damaging enough to kill a lot of people in the line of making both the words and the document they appear on, disappear forever.

And here’s the thing…

No one ever counted on the fact deleting on a computer is not deleting.