Category: NaNoWriMo

Mistaken Identity – The Third Editor’s Draft – Day 21

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a third draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

Jack’s mother is missing, well, not technically missing, but dumping the package and disappearing seemed a very close equivalent.

Maryanne has finally dropped the pretence and told Jack the truth, she is working with the authorities (but will not tell him who exactly they are) and that she is only interested in the diary, which everyone now assumes was in the package.

Who does it belong to? That will be revealed soon.

Failing her mission, Maryanne tells Jack she’s been taken off the case, and when Jack tells her is going after Jacob, she decided to tag along, perhaps for his protection.

Looking like Jacob, and going to look for him has some irony attached to it, and it would not be unreasonable to assume Jack is about to find himself in some very hot water, from good people and bad alike.

Then, if that isn’t enough on his plate, McCallister, the reputed owner of the diary, and Jacob’s father, and probably likely his, calls. He wants the diary back, or Jack’s mother will be harmed.

The search is now not for Jacob, but his mother.

Today’s effort amounts to 2,186 words, for a total, so far, of 51,629.

More tomorrow.

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 25

…

Suitably warned off, and after agreeing to wait for the word to come to rescue her, one Henry feels sceptical about, they return to Henry’s hotel room and toast their good luck and savour the air conditioning.

And start making other foolish plans, like rescuing Angie and Millie, her friends, as a means of hastening Michelle’s decision to leave with them.  Like any plan made without knowing all the facts, it is fraught with danger.

Radly tells Henry that his view of their world was stilted by his background, that not everyone wants to be saved, and that they just might like the life they have.  Henry, of course, doesn’t get it, nor realise what he thinks and how he acts has been shaped by the world he lives in.  It’s a shattering truth he still doesn’t consider possible.

Despite Radly’s reservations, that doesn’t stop them.  Knowing where Angie lives, they make the assumption that Angie would want to be rescued, and suitably fortified by cold beer, they depart.

Doing something, or anything is preferable to sitting around doing nothing.

It was a mission that was destined to fail, but not for the reasons Radly postulated.

When they get to her apartment the door is open.  Inside they are met with the unexpected and tragic consequences of a user that has just pushed the envelope a little too far.

They find Angie dead from an overdose.

For her, the knights in shining armour are too late.

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 25

…

Suitably warned off, and after agreeing to wait for the word to come to rescue her, one Henry feels sceptical about, they return to Henry’s hotel room and toast their good luck and savour the air conditioning.

And start making other foolish plans, like rescuing Angie and Millie, her friends, as a means of hastening Michelle’s decision to leave with them.  Like any plan made without knowing all the facts, it is fraught with danger.

Radly tells Henry that his view of their world was stilted by his background, that not everyone wants to be saved, and that they just might like the life they have.  Henry, of course, doesn’t get it, nor realise what he thinks and how he acts has been shaped by the world he lives in.  It’s a shattering truth he still doesn’t consider possible.

Despite Radly’s reservations, that doesn’t stop them.  Knowing where Angie lives, they make the assumption that Angie would want to be rescued, and suitably fortified by cold beer, they depart.

Doing something, or anything is preferable to sitting around doing nothing.

It was a mission that was destined to fail, but not for the reasons Radly postulated.

When they get to her apartment the door is open.  Inside they are met with the unexpected and tragic consequences of a user that has just pushed the envelope a little too far.

They find Angie dead from an overdose.

For her, the knights in shining armour are too late.

…

Mistaken Identity – The Third Editor’s Draft – Day 20

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a third draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

How many of us would ever get caught up in a dangerous situation in a lifetime?

How many of us have skeletons in the closet that we don’t know about?

I had been thinking about it a lot when I discovered my mother’s previous boyfriend, the man who was the love of her life.

Then, in terms of coming up with an idea for a story, what if she had a child by him that we didn’t know about, a half-brother or sister.

There were many ways of putting a spin on this premise.

Then, in the back of my mind, I remembered a story an acquaintance at works was once telling us over morning tea, that a friend of a friend had a mother who had a twin sister and that each of the sisters had a son by the same father, without each knowing of the father’s actions, both growing up without the other knowing of their half-brother only to meet by accident on the other side of the world.

It was an enormous coincidence.

And we all wondered what the sisters had planned as retribution for the man who had lied to them both.

Of course, it could also be said that they could have spoken to each other long before it came to that, but like a lot of families, small problems become much larger ones when allowed to fester and cause almost unhealable rifts. It had n this case.

Sometimes the backstory can be just as interesting as the story itself.

Today’s effort amounts to 2,573 words, for a total, so far, of 49,443.

More tomorrow.

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 24

…

Michelle is not happy to see him.

And this was a situation that he hadn’t considered that she would not be pleased to see him.  And not only that, was trying her hardest to get rid of him.

They talk and Henry has to wheedle the truth out of her, that the time is not right for her to leave yet, and that he must go.  Once again, she had presented yet another different persona, and Henry is confused as to her motives and their relationship.

The phone ringing interrupts their moment, Radly advising that they were about to get company.

Just enough time for Henry to say goodbye before he comes face to face with the Turk, who arrives unexpectedly at her front door.

The master of the house arrives, Michelle changes instantly into someone else, and the Turk makes Henry a proposition.  He can walk out in one piece but never come back or see her again.

After he leaves the Turk and his favourite girl talk. She doesn’t believe a single word of the Turks, but it does reveal how much he will tolerate her.

He on the other hand does not trust her at all, not now that she has transformed, and off the drugs he supplies to keep his girls compliant.  She is different, he has to admit, but he has bigger plans for her now. And sadly, that will break their agreement.

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 23

…

After a fruitless search, Henry decides not to go home but stay in one of the more salubrious hotels nearby.  The next day, refreshed, he has his eyes firmly on the prize.

Once the darkness sets in, they’re off to the address that Angie had given him the previous night.  Expecting to see Michelle, instead, Henry discovers no one is at home, but an old lady who hears him knocking on the door tells him where the occupant works.

Another interestingly named establishment.

Which, when they go there, discover to be a cut above some they’d been to, and it’s back to the conversation with one of the girls, hoping to gain some information.

Only this girl, Diana, is a little trickier to deal with in that she does not let him escape without having to do the dance first.  He asks his questions, gets oblique answers, and has an experience he will never forget.


Which, when they go there, discover to be a cut above some they’d been to, and it’s back to the conversation with one of the girls, hoping to gain some information.

Only this girl, Diana, is a little trickier to deal with in that she does not let him escape without having to do the dance first.  He asks his questions, gets oblique answers, and has an experience he will never forget.

With a line almost crossed, Henry staggers back out into the heat of the night, wondering himself exactly what just happened, only to find Radly waiting with two other men.

The police, and none other than colleagues of Inspector Banner.  It’s time for a visit to the police station.

This is where we get to learn a little bit more about Banner and his mission.  Then a long chat with Henry about Michelle, the girl he is looking for, and how dangerous it is.  Then, in the end, Banner gives him her address, one that is different from Angie’s, and asks Henry to deliver a message.

Then he is standing at the door and the girl herself is looking back at him.

…

Mistaken Identity – The Third Editor’s Draft – Day 20

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a third draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

How many of us would ever get caught up in a dangerous situation in a lifetime?

How many of us have skeletons in the closet that we don’t know about?

I had been thinking about it a lot when I discovered my mother’s previous boyfriend, the man who was the love of her life.

Then, in terms of coming up with an idea for a story, what if she had a child by him that we didn’t know about, a half-brother or sister.

There were many ways of putting a spin on this premise.

Then, in the back of my mind, I remembered a story an acquaintance at works was once telling us over morning tea, that a friend of a friend had a mother who had a twin sister and that each of the sisters had a son by the same father, without each knowing of the father’s actions, both growing up without the other knowing of their half-brother only to meet by accident on the other side of the world.

It was an enormous coincidence.

And we all wondered what the sisters had planned as retribution for the man who had lied to them both.

Of course, it could also be said that they could have spoken to each other long before it came to that, but like a lot of families, small problems become much larger ones when allowed to fester and cause almost unhealable rifts. It had n this case.

Sometimes the backstory can be just as interesting as the story itself.

Today’s effort amounts to 2,573 words, for a total, so far, of 49,443.

More tomorrow.

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 24

…

Michelle is not happy to see him.

And this was a situation that he hadn’t considered that she would not be pleased to see him.  And not only that, was trying her hardest to get rid of him.

They talk and Henry has to wheedle the truth out of her, that the time is not right for her to leave yet, and that he must go.  Once again, she had presented yet another different persona, and Henry is confused as to her motives and their relationship.

The phone ringing interrupts their moment, Radly advising that they were about to get company.

Just enough time for Henry to say goodbye before he comes face to face with the Turk, who arrives unexpectedly at her front door.

The master of the house arrives, Michelle changes instantly into someone else, and the Turk makes Henry a proposition.  He can walk out in one piece but never come back or see her again.

After he leaves the Turk and his favourite girl talk. She doesn’t believe a single word of the Turks, but it does reveal how much he will tolerate her.

He on the other hand does not trust her at all, not now that she has transformed, and off the drugs he supplies to keep his girls compliant.  She is different, he has to admit, but he has bigger plans for her now. And sadly, that will break their agreement.

…

The Things We Do For Love – The final editor’s draft – Day 24

…

Michelle is not happy to see him.

And this was a situation that he hadn’t considered that she would not be pleased to see him.  And not only that, was trying her hardest to get rid of him.

They talk and Henry has to wheedle the truth out of her, that the time is not right for her to leave yet, and that he must go.  Once again, she had presented yet another different persona, and Henry is confused as to her motives and their relationship.

The phone ringing interrupts their moment, Radly advising that they were about to get company.

Just enough time for Henry to say goodbye before he comes face to face with the Turk, who arrives unexpectedly at her front door.

The master of the house arrives, Michelle changes instantly into someone else, and the Turk makes Henry a proposition.  He can walk out in one piece but never come back or see her again.

After he leaves the Turk and his favourite girl talk. She doesn’t believe a single word of the Turks, but it does reveal how much he will tolerate her.

He on the other hand does not trust her at all, not now that she has transformed, and off the drugs he supplies to keep his girls compliant.  She is different, he has to admit, but he has bigger plans for her now. And sadly, that will break their agreement.

…

Mistaken Identity – The Editor’s Third Draft – Day 19

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a third draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

…

Jack finally gets to spend those moments with Rosalie that were so tantalisingly close before he left.

The question is, would he dared to do so if it had not been for the events that had just occurred. There always seems to be an element of danger that spurs people on to do things they might not necessarily do if life had not taken a particular turn.

But, it was everything he expected, and more.

Of course, as advised yesterday, there are problems, not of their making but of the intrepid Maryanne, who reveals herself now as an agent working for an organisation that is equally after the package that Jack’s mother had left in Rosalie’s safekeeping.

And ironically it is Rosalie who captures Maryanne in the act of trying to steal it.

So, if an effort to keep it from everyone Rosalie agrees to leave with the package and tell no one where she is. Not until Jack decided what he was going to do with it. One possibility is to use it to get his mother back, but like all ransom exchanges, it never turns out the way it’s supposed to.

So, Maryanne is going to have to come up with a convincing plan to get Jack onside, but the lies and deception are not a very good start in forming trust.

It’s an interesting premise, and beyond the raw writing, I fear it will need some more work to get it where I want it to be.

More tomorrow.