The cinema of my dreams – I never wanted to go to Africa – Episode 33

Our hero knows he’s in serious trouble.

The problem is, there are familiar faces and a question of who is a friend and who is foe made all the more difficult because of the enemy, if it was the enemy, simply because it didn’t look or sound or act like the enemy.

Now, it appears, his problems stem from another operation he participated in, and because of it, he has now been roped into what might be called a suicide mission.

Onboard the plane shortly after it took off, I watched Monroe go to each of the team and give them a folder with their role, and, no doubt, instructions on what they had to do, and to handle the equipment they were assigned.  The list I’d seen required a sound technician, a grip, a cameraman, his assistant, the director, the producer, which I took to be Monroe, and a few other production assistants.

None looked happy, and probably already knew what the cover story would be.  I didn’t see or hear any objections, each just took their folder and started on their homework.

She didn’t spend much time with Jacobi, just enough to tell him he was going to be the guide.  It was a role he was most suited to, and that of local liaison.  At least it would explain why he was with us.

After that, she came to see me.

“Was it your idea or Lallo’s?” I asked.  

“Lallo’s.  I’m as surprised as you, but you have to admit it’s a great cover story.”

“For a group who wouldn’t know one end of the camera from the other.”

“Plenty of time to learn.  You don’t have to worry.  All you have to do is be perennially bad-tempered and yell a lot.  I’m sure you can do that without having me tell you how to.”

“No. probably not.  Bamfield said it all the equipment worked.”

“When we take the C4, detonators, grenades, and a few other assorted armaments out it will.”

“You know where the other stuff is,” I said, hoping she understood that it was the diamonds I was talking about.

“Somewhere in one of the boxes.  It was best not to tell anyone, so if anything happens, we can’t give it away.  We can worry about that once we get past the border.  I suggest you get your head down.  At least one of us has to be sharp at the other end when we land.”

With that, she went back to her corner, ran her eye over the team now deep in their studies, then looked like she was going to get some sleep.

After a few hours, the enthusiasm to learn had died down, and each of the team members made themselves comfortable.  There would be more time to study on the other side of the fuel stop.  Everyone on board got what sleep they could, not that it was the best of places in the cargo hold of a C-130.  One destination we were all familiar with was that of Djibouti when we would set down to refuel at the airbase there.

It was a half-hour stop, and, as Monroe advised, we didn’t leave the plane.  It was best no one knew we were aboard or what we were doing, a feat I thought quite remarkable because if it was my airbase, I’d want to know.

But, as airbases went, it was the same as the rest.

Back in the air, we were heading for Uganda.  It was another 6 or 7 hours, so it was a good time to get some more rest before we landed.  I had no idea when the next time would be that there would be time for some shuteye.

I’d been keeping an eye on Monroe.  She appeared to be the liaison for everything, and had accompanied the pilot to the base tower, most likely to file the flight plan, one of several I imagine, and to report back to Bamfield.  It explained why the pilot returned without her, and she didn’t get back until 15 minutes before we were due to leave.

Should I be worried?  There wasn’t much point.

After an hour, I went up the back of the plane and sat next to Jacobi.  He had been ostracised by the rest of the team; an order given by Monroe for them to leave him alone.  He’d been escorted onto the plane by two burly military policemen, and his bag of equipment given to Monroe for safekeeping, so we were sure from the time he left the cell at the black site to getting on the plane he had communicated with anyone.

Even so, I was sure he had been in similar situations before, and he was still alive to tell about it.  If he had a plan, whatever that plan was, we would soon find out.

In the meantime, I thought he might have an interesting story to tell, and I had a few hours to kill.

He sullenly watched me come down the fuselage, and then sit next to him, loosely putting what passed as a seat belt on just in case we hit an air pocket.  The flight was not as smooth as it might be on a commercial airliner and was certainly a lot noisier.

“Have you spoken to the right people yet?” I almost had to yell in his ear.  

Lallo had said he was going to get Jacobi to call his friendly General in the Congo army to smooth the way, and it would be interesting to know under what circumstances Jacobi had explained our arrival at his border.  And another to tell the kidnappers we were on our way.  Monroe said he had made several supervised phone calls, but not exactly who to.

We had to pray that the General would be among those to also help us locate the targets and, once the exchange was made, assist us in our departure, for a small sum to compensate them for the inconvenience.

He knew why I’d come to see him.  “The captors know we are coming, and hopefully before the time limit has passed.  They will kill them this time if we don’t get there in time.”

“I’m sure they’d like us to think that, but you know as well as I do they need the ransom for their ongoing operations.  Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to plan f which is where they kill us, the hostages, and just take the ransom.  Either way, I hate to be the one who is only going to make things worse, but I don’t get to decide what’s right or wrong.”

“It’s how it works out there.  Everyone is available for a price.  If it wasn’t this lot, it’d be another or another.”

“Or the military, maybe, looking to cash in because the state doesn’t pay them enough.  That’s why we’re putting you at the head of the procession.  If we’re ambushed, you’ll be the first to go.”

“I admire your lack of faith in me.”

“You haven’t done anything to inspire faith, Jacobi.  But so long as you keep your word, and do everything right, I won’t have to shoot you.”

There was no horrified look.  He knew the score of being in the ‘Mr. In-Between’ business.  He would no doubt get a share of the diamonds for brokering the deal, on top of whatever Lallo offered him, and a cut of the General and his men’s fees for guaranteeing our safety.  I guess his business also had its hazards, wasn’t for the faint-hearted, and for those working all sides of the fence, a particularly exciting time.

Generals, soldiers, kidnappers, rebels, practically every man and his dog had an itchy trigger finger.

“It’s not me you have to worry about.”

“How so?”

“I didn’t betray them the last time, and that person was never identified.”

A good point.  “Then let’s hope no one else knows we’re coming, or what we’re bringing as ransom.”

He looked at me, a look that told me I thought he might just make a play for the diamonds himself and forget about the targets.  It was a very tempting ransom.

“You know how it is.  Spies are everywhere.”

“Just make sure you’re not one of them.”

I think I said it with just enough sincerity that he believed me.

“It’s not worth my while, I assure you.  Once you’re involved in a double-cross, you cease to be of worth to anyone.  I will not be the source of your problems if there are any.”

For a man who’d already been caught out in a raft of lies, there was nothing he could say that would make me trust him.  He was going to require an escort once we landed.

I had two perfect candidates for the job.  Williamson and Shurl.  From what I had observed on the ground before we boarded the plane, and in the plane, they stuck together.  I got the impression they knew each other.

After I left Jacobi, I told them what I wanted them to do.

It was the day for sullen responses.  They didn’t want to be babysitters.  Tough.

Next, I went and visited Mobley, sitting closer to the front of the plane, by himself.  Monroe had sat with him for an hour or so before we reached Djibouti, and it had raised a small flag.

I staggered towards him, the pilots deciding to take the rough path through the sky, and almost fell into the seat next to him.

He didn’t look at me the whole time, even when I’d sat down.  Was he pretending to ignore me, or had he decided he was above taking my orders?

“I’ve got a few hours to waste so if you think I’m going away forget it,” I said, loud enough to get his attention.

A slight flutter of an eyelid.  Not asleep.

“Monroe tells me you’re in charge of this motley crew,” he said, still not looking at me.

“Not because I want to be.  I’m not sure what your reason is to be here, and, frankly, I don’t care, but I really don’t want to be here.  I wasn’t given a choice.  I’m guessing you did from what I’ve been told.  We don’t have time to debate the issue.  What I want you to do is when we arrive at the base, is hang back, come up with whatever excuse will fly, and give us several hours head start.  You’ll be with one of Chiswick’s men.  What’s important is to check no one follows us.”

“You think someone might?”  A look of almost interest.

“I’m sure of it.  There’s no way we will get to the base in Uganda, no matter how far from civilization it is, and not be noticed, or worse, that someone already knows we’re coming.”

“What’s the ultimate rendezvous?”

“Over the border in the Congo.”  I passed him a hand-drawn map of the area, from the landing strip to the GPS co-ordinates of the exchange point in the Congo, but not the track that we would be taking, some of which I hoped might be by the river.  I think Monroe had given him as much detail of the job as she could, as she probably had all of them.

“Monroe in the loop?”

“She will be by the time we land.”

“Good.”

Eyes closed again; the conversation was over.

Time to have a talk to Monroe.

“Got some good news,” she said when I sat next to her.

“We’re turning around and going home?”

“Where is home?”

It was an interesting question.  I’d been bounced around so many airbases, I don’t think I’d had a permanent fixed address from the day I signed up.  Was it where I used to live?  No point going back, everyone I’d known back then had either moved on or died.  Technically I was now an orphan, and unlike others, I had no family of my own to go home to.

“No idea anymore, I’m afraid.  So, what’s this good news.”

“We have an exit strategy.  Bamfield told me to tell you everything is in place.  All we have to do is liberate a plane and we’re on our way home.  It’s the reason why Davies is on the mission, Bamfield says she can fly anything.”

“I’ve never heard of a plane called ‘anything’.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Any other details?”

“We’ll know exactly what the score is when we get there.  That’s all I know at the moment.”

“There’s more?”

“Hopefully through the pilot’s last contact with Bamfield.  Otherwise, it’s going to be just another boring day at the office.”

© Charles Heath 2019-2021

Writing a book in 365 days – 297

Day 297

Passive V Active voice

From Mire to Might: Your Blueprint for Conquering Passive Voice and Forging Powerful Prose

Ah, the passive voice. It’s the literary equivalent of that comfy old couch you sink into – sometimes it feels just right, but often it leaves you feeling a bit… flabby. As writers, we all know it exists. We’ve read the rules, seen the examples. Yet, like a sneaky saboteur, it still manages to creep into our drafts without us even realizing it. One minute you’re flowing, the next you’re rereading a paragraph and thinking, “Wait, who’s actually doing this action?”

The struggle is real. Training ourselves to consistently choose active voice isn’t about memorizing rules; it’s about rewiring our writing instincts. It’s about pulling ourselves out of that linguistic mire before we’ve even completely sunk. So, how do we practice this art, consciously and effectively? Let’s dive in.

Why Bother? A Quick Reminder of Active Voice’s Superpowers

Before we get to the “how,” let’s quickly refresh why active voice is so crucial for powerful writing:

  • Clarity: It leaves no doubt about who or what is performing the action.
  • Directness: It cuts straight to the point, avoiding unnecessary words.
  • Impact: It feels stronger, more confident, and more authoritative.
  • Engagement: It draws the reader in, making your sentences more dynamic.
  • Conciseness: It often shortens sentences, tightening your prose.

In short, active voice breathes life and energy into your words.

Your Training Regimen: Exercises to Forge Active Voice Habits

This isn’t about shaming; it’s about sharpening. Here’s how to build your active voice muscle.

1. The “Be” Test & The “By Whom/What” Test (Your Detector Tools)

First, you need to be able to spot the passive voice.

  • The “Be” Test: Look for forms of the verb “to be” (is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been) followed by a past participle (a verb usually ending in -ed or -en).
    • Example: “The report was written by Jane.” (was + written)
    • Example: “Mistakes were made.” (were + made)
    • Important Note: Not every “to be” verb indicates passive voice, but it’s a huge flag to investigate.
  • The “By Whom/What” Test: If you can add “by [someone/something]” after the verb without the sentence becoming nonsensical, it’s likely passive.
    • Example: “The decision was made (by the committee).” ✅ Passive
    • Example: “She is happy (by her dog).” ❌ Not passive

Practice Drill: Go through a recent piece of your writing. With a highlighter (digital or physical), mark every instance where you see a “be” verb + past participle, and then apply the “by whom/what” test. Don’t correct yet – just identify. This trains your eye.

2. The “Who’s Doing What?” Drill (Rewiring Your Brain)

Once you’ve identified a passive sentence, your next step is to consciously find the actor and make them the star.

  • Step A: Find the Action. What is the main action taking place?
  • Step B: Find the Actor. Who or what is performing that action? (This might be hidden in a “by” phrase or completely absent).
  • Step C: Reconstruct. Make the actor the subject of the sentence, followed by the active verb, and then the object.
    • Passive: “The novel was written by a young author.”
    • Action: “written”
    • Actor: “a young author”
    • Active: “A young author wrote the novel.”
    • Passive: “Numerous errors were found during the review.”
    • Action: “found”
    • Actor: (Not explicitly stated, but implied: the reviewers)
    • Active: “The reviewers found numerous errors during the review.” (Or, if the reviewers are truly irrelevant, consider rephrasing entirely: “The review revealed numerous errors.”)

Practice Drill: Take all those highlighted passive sentences from your previous exercise. Now, rewrite each one into active voice. Focus on making the actor explicit and the verb direct. Do this rapidly, like a quick-fire exercise, to build speed and instinct.

3. The “Passive Purge” Editing Round (Systematic Correction)

When you’re drafting, don’t stop the flow to correct passive voice. Get your ideas down. The dedicated passive voice editing round comes after the initial draft.

  • First Pass: Write freely.
  • Second Pass (or later): Go through your entire draft specifically looking for passive constructions. Treat it like a scavenger hunt. Tools like Grammarly or ProWritingAid can help flag them, but don’t just accept their suggestions blindly – understand why it’s passive and actively choose the best active alternative.

Practice Drill: Schedule a “Passive Purge” session for every piece of writing you produce for the next month. Make it a non-negotiable step in your editing process. The more you consciously identify and correct, the more your brain will start to flag it during the drafting stage.

4. Read Aloud (The Auditory Test)

Passive voice often sounds clunky, wordy, and indirect. Reading your work aloud forces you to hear the rhythm and flow (or lack thereof).

Practice Drill: Whenever you’re unsure about a sentence, read it aloud. If it sounds circuitous or less energetic than it could be, chances are a passive construction is lurking. Then, try rephrasing it actively and read that version aloud too. The difference in impact will often be stark.

5. Don’t Be a Zealot (Embrace the Nuance)

While active voice is generally stronger, passive voice does have its place. The goal isn’t to eradicate it entirely, but to use it consciously and strategically, not accidentally.

When passive is okay (or even preferred):

  • When the actor is unknown or unimportant: “The email was sent at midnight.” (Who sent it isn’t the point.)
  • When you want to emphasize the action or the recipient of the action over the actor: “The groundbreaking discovery was made in 2023.”
  • When you want to deliberately avoid naming the actor (for political or diplomatic reasons): “Mistakes were made.”
  • To vary sentence structure: Sometimes a passive sentence can provide a welcome rhythm change, if used sparingly.

Practice Drill: For every passive sentence you choose to keep, briefly note down why. This reinforces your understanding of its strategic uses and prevents it from being a crutch.

The Long Game: Consistency is Key

Training yourself to default to active voice is like building any other muscle – it requires consistent effort. You’ll stumble, you’ll miss things, and sometimes, a passive sentence will genuinely slip through. That’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection, but progress.

Make these drills a regular part of your writing routine. The more you consciously engage with identifying and transforming passive constructions, the deeper that active voice habit will embed itself. Soon, you’ll find yourself not just pulling yourself out of the mire, but steering clear of it altogether, forging prose that is undeniably powerful, clear, and impactful.

Now, go forth and write brilliantly, actively!

What I learned about writing – Always write down a story, start or end, for later.

My mind will not rest.

Down here, it is summer, and the last few days have been exhaustingly hot, well, it is summer after all, but tonight it is particularly hot.

So, as I can’t sleep, I’m lying on the couch staring at the ceiling, otherwise known as the cinema of my dreams.

Where am I?

Well, it has to be someplace other than here, of course.

I’d seen the Trevi Fountain in the movies, but, until now, it just seemed like any other fountain, only larger.

In reality, it was much more than that, and, so it seemed, it was also that for many other people.  Mid-afternoon on a warm sunny day, they were all standing in awe.

Perhaps some were making a wish, and I saw several toss coins in.  There would be a lot of money in there, and I couldn’t help but think about what sort of job it would be to retrieve it.

Odd too, I thought, if they hadn’t, how many old and rare coins might be somewhere on the floor.  Of course, I only thought of the aesthetic value rather than the practicality of the water system that the Romans had built long before such feats of engineering were being contemplated.

No, I was here on holiday. 

After years of travelling to a great many places for my job, one that never really gave me any time for sightseeing, I’d decided it was time to indulge in a little tourism.

Before this, I’d been to the Colosseum, the old ruins, the Spanish Steps, and the Parthenon.  This was going to wrap up in the afternoon.

“So, are you here on business or pleasure?”

I turned to see Giuseppe, a man I’d had a rather complicated working relationship in the past, and one who was not informed that I was coming to Italy.

The fact that he was here was no surprise.  It was, however, surprising that he could sneak up on me.  It showed I was slipping, or, more than likely, I was more susceptible to being distracted.

“I am but a humble tourist.  I’m sorry, but you have been following me for nothing.”

“Why is it I find that difficult to believe?”

Because of what I used to do, but it was not something I would openly admit.  And the only reason he was standing there was that someone else had made a mistake, and it had required a bit of diplomacy to smooth the waters.

Unfortunately, that had destroyed my invisibility in Italy and most of Europe.  A stark reminder of why, these days, I spend most of my time in semi-retirement at home.

“As difficult as it might be to understand, having your cover blown makes it impossible to continue, verified by the fact you’re here now.  Was it a red flag on my name, or facial recognition?”

He sighed, the man who had heard it all before.  “Just remember, we’re watching you.”

A last shake of his head, he walked over to a car parked a short distance away, got in, and drove off.  I had no doubt he was not the only one who had been watching me.

“It seems you were right.”

Another voice, this time a woman, and expected.  Carla had been waiting in the coffee shop for Giuseppe or someone like him to make an appearance.

“They were not exactly hiding the fact that they had me under surveillance.”

She handed me the coffee with a smile.

“That means we can have some fun, does it not?”

That had been the plan.  I knew if I entered Italy using the identity I used the last time, it would put them on alert and prompt a reaction.

“It still doesn’t mean they won’t suspect something is afoot.”

“And since when did you start doubting yourself?”

Since my last operation fell apart because I made one simple mistake that no agent would have made in a million years.  But I had, and it almost ended two careers.

The other person had just handed me the coffee and unaccountably seemed less angry with me than she should be.

“You of all people should know the answer to that.”

She sighed and took my hand in hers.  “What I do know is that there’s a very clever operation afoot and you’re the one who planned it.  And far from being on the sidelines, we have a new and important role to play.  And speaking of play, it’s time you and I got into our roles.  Oh, and just for the record, I still love you and I know how you feel about me, and before I brought you coffee, I made a wish.”

So had I, and it had been answered.

It was another of those dreams that might lead somewhere.  We’ll just have to wait and see.

© Charles Heath 2023-2025

An excerpt from “Strangers We’ve Become” – Coming Soon

I wandered back to my villa.

It was in darkness.  I was sure I had left several lights on, especially over the door so I could see to unlock it.

I looked up and saw the globe was broken.

Instant alert.

I went to the first hiding spot for the gun, and it wasn’t there.  I went to the backup and it wasn’t there either.  Someone had found my carefully hidden stash of weapons and removed them.

Who?

There were four hiding spots and all were empty.  Someone had removed the weapons.  That could only mean one possibility.

I had a visitor, not necessarily here for a social call.

But, of course, being the well-trained agent I’d once been and not one to be caught unawares, I crossed over to my neighbor and relieved him of a weapon that, if found, would require a lot of explaining.

Suitably armed, it was time to return the surprise.

There were three entrances to the villa, the front door, the back door, and a rather strange escape hatch.  One of the more interesting attractions of the villa I’d rented was its heritage.  It was built in the late 1700s, by a man who was, by all accounts, a thief.  It had a hidden underground room which had been in the past a vault but was now a wine cellar, and it had an escape hatch by which the man could come and go undetected, particularly if there was a mob outside the door baying for his blood.

It now gave me the means to enter the villa without my visitors being alerted, unless, of course, they were near the vicinity of the doorway inside the villa, but that possibility was unlikely.  It was not where anyone could anticipate or expect a doorway to be.

The secret entrance was at the rear of the villa behind a large copse, two camouflaged wooden doors built into the ground.  I move aside some of the branches that covered them and lifted one side.  After I’d discovered the doors and rusty hinges, I’d oiled and cleaned them, and cleared the passageway of cobwebs and fallen rocks.  It had a mildew smell, but nothing would get rid of that.  I’d left torches at either end so I could see.

I closed the door after me, and went quietly down the steps, enveloped in darkness till I switched on the torch.  I traversed the short passage which turned ninety degrees about halfway to the door at the other end.  I carried the key to this door on the keyring, found it and opened the door.  It too had been oiled and swung open soundlessly.

I stepped in the darkness and closed the door.

I was on the lower level under the kitchen, now the wine cellar, the ‘door’ doubling as a set of shelves which had very little on them, less to fall and alert anyone in the villa.

Silence, an eerie silence.

I took the steps up to the kitchen, stopping when my head was level with the floor, checking to see if anyone was waiting.  There wasn’t.  It seemed to me to be an unlikely spot for an ambush.

I’d already considered the possibility of someone coming after me, especially because it had been Bespalov I’d killed, and I was sure he had friends, all equally as mad as he was.  Equally, I’d also considered it nigh on impossible for anyone to find out it was me who killed him because the only people who knew that were Prendergast, Alisha, a few others in the Department, and Susan.

That raised the question of who told them where I was.

If I was the man I used to be, my first suspect would be Susan.  The departure this morning, and now this was too coincidental.  But I was not that man.

Or was I?

I reached the start of the passageway that led from the kitchen to the front door and peered into the semi-darkness.  My eyes had got used to the dark, and it was no longer an inky void.  Fragments of light leaked in around the door from outside and through the edge of the window curtains where they didn’t fit properly.  A bone of contention upstairs in the morning, when first light shone and invariably woke me up hours before I wanted to.

Still nothing.

I took a moment to consider how I would approach the visitor’s job.  I would get a plan of the villa in my head, all entrances, where a target could be led to or attacked where there would be no escape.

Coming in the front door.  If I was not expecting anything, I’d just open the door and walk-in.  One shot would be all that was required.

Contract complete.

I sidled quietly up the passage staying close to the wall, edging closer to the front door.  There was an alcove where the shooter could be waiting.  It was an ideal spot to wait.

Crunch.

I stepped on some nutshells.

Not my nutshells.

I felt it before I heard it.  The bullet with my name on it.

And how the shooter missed, from point-blank range, and hit me in the arm, I had no idea.  I fired off two shots before a second shot from the shooter went wide and hit the door with a loud thwack.

I saw a red dot wavering as it honed in on me and I fell to the floor, stretching out, looking up where the origin of the light was coming and pulled the trigger three times, evenly spaced, and a second later I heard the sound of a body falling down the stairs and stopping at the bottom, not very far from me.

Two assassins.

I’d not expected that.

The assassin by the door was dead, a lucky shot on my part.  The second was still breathing.

I checked the body for any weapons and found a second gun and two knives.  Armed to the teeth!

I pulled off the balaclava; a man, early thirties, definitely Italian.  I was expecting a Russian.

I slapped his face, waking him up.  Blood was leaking from several slashes on his face when his head had hit the stairs on the way down.  The awkward angle of his arms and legs told me there were broken bones, probably a lot worse internally.  He was not long for this earth.

“Who employed you?”

He looked at me with dead eyes, a pursed mouth, perhaps a smile.  “Not today my friend.  You have made a very bad enemy.”  He coughed and blood poured out of his mouth.  “There will be more …”

Friends of Bespalov, no doubt.

I would have to leave.  Two unexplainable bodies, I’d have a hard time explaining my way out of this mess.  I dragged the two bodies into the lounge, clearing the passageway just in case someone had heard anything.

Just in case anyone was outside at the time, I sat in the dark, at the foot of the stairs, and tried to breathe normally.  I was trying not to connect dots that led back to Susan, but the coincidence was worrying me.

A half-hour passed and I hadn’t moved.  Deep in thought, I’d forgotten about being shot, unaware that blood was running down my arm and dripping onto the floor.

Until I heard a knock on my front door.

Two thoughts, it was either the police, alerted by the neighbors, or it was the second wave, though why would they be knocking on the door?

I stood, and immediately felt a stabbing pain in my arm.  I took out a handkerchief and turned it into a makeshift tourniquet, then wrapped a kitchen towel around the wound.

If it was the police, this was going to be a difficult situation.  Holding the gun behind my back, I opened the door a fraction and looked out.

No police, just Maria.  I hoped she was not part of the next ‘wave’.

“You left your phone behind on the table.  I thought you might be looking for it.”  She held it out in front of her.

When I didn’t open the door any further, she looked at me quizzically, and then asked, “Is anything wrong?”

I was going to thank her for returning the phone, but I heard her breathe in sharply, and add, breathlessly, “You’re bleeding.”

I looked at my arm and realized it was visible through the door, and not only that, the towel was soaked in blood.

“You need to go away now.”

Should I tell her the truth?  It was probably too late, and if she was any sort of law-abiding citizen she would go straight to the police.

She showed no signs of leaving, just an unnerving curiosity.  “What happened?”

I ran through several explanations, but none seemed plausible.  I went with the truth.  “My past caught up with me.”

“You need someone to fix that before you pass out from blood loss.  It doesn’t look good.”

“I can fix it.  You need to leave.  It is not safe to be here with me.”

The pain in my arm was not getting any better, and the blood was starting to run down my arm again as the tourniquet loosened.  She was right, I needed it fixed sooner rather than later.

I opened the door and let her in.  It was a mistake, a huge mistake, and I would have to deal with the consequences.  Once inside, she turned on the light and saw the pool of blood just inside the door and the trail leading to the lounge.  She followed the trail and turned into the lounge, turned on the light, and no doubt saw the two dead men.

I expected her to scream.  She didn’t.

She gave me a good hard look, perhaps trying to see if I was dangerous.  Killing people wasn’t something you looked the other way about.  She would have to go to the police.

“What happened here?”

“I came home from the cafe and two men were waiting for me.  I used to work for the Government, but no longer.  I suspect these men were here to repay a debt.  I was lucky.”

“Not so much, looking at your arm.”

She came closer and inspected it.

“Sit down.”

She found another towel and wrapped it around the wound, retightening the tourniquet to stem the bleeding.

“Do you have medical supplies?”

I nodded.  “Upstairs.”  I had a medical kit, and on the road, I usually made my own running repairs.  Another old habit I hadn’t quite shaken off yet.

She went upstairs, rummaged, and then came back.  I wondered briefly what she would think of the unmade bed though I was not sure why it might interest her.

She helped me remove my shirt, and then cleaned the wound.  Fortunately, she didn’t have to remove a bullet.  It was a clean wound but it would require stitches.

When she’d finished she said, “Your friend said one day this might happen.”

No prizes for guessing who that friend was, and it didn’t please me that she had involved Maria.

“Alisha?”

“She didn’t tell me her name, but I think she cares a lot about you.  She said trouble has a way of finding you, gave me a phone and said to call her if something like this happened.”

“That was wrong of her to do that.”

“Perhaps, perhaps not.  Will you call her?”

“Yes.  I can’t stay here now.  You should go now.  Hopefully, by the time I leave in the morning, no one will ever know what happened here, especially you.”

She smiled.  “As you say, I was never here.”

© Charles Heath 2018-2022

strangerscover9

Another excerpt from ‘Betrayal’; a work in progress

My next destination in the quest was the hotel we believed Anne Merriweather had stayed at.

I was, in a sense, flying blind because we had no concrete evidence she had been there, and the message she had left behind didn’t quite name the hotel or where Vladimir was going to take her.

Mindful of the fact that someone might have been following me, I checked to see if the person I’d assumed had followed me to Elizabeth’s apartment was still in place, but I couldn’t see him. Next, I made a mental note of seven different candidates and committed them to memory.

Then I set off to the hotel, hailing a taxi. There was the possibility the cab driver was one of them, but perhaps I was slightly more paranoid than I should be. I’d been watching the queue, and there were two others before me.

The journey took about an hour, during which time I kept an eye out the back to see if anyone had been following us. If anyone was, I couldn’t see them.

I had the cab drop me off a block from the hotel and then spent the next hour doing a complete circuit of the block the hotel was on, checking the front and rear entrances, the cameras in place, and the siting of the driveway into the underground carpark. There was a camera over the entrance, and one we hadn’t checked for footage. I sent a text message to Fritz to look into it.

The hotel lobby was large and busy, which was exactly what you’d want if you wanted to come and go without standing out. It would be different later at night, but I could see her arriving about mid-afternoon, and anonymous among the type of clientele the hotel attracted.

I spent an hour sitting in various positions in the lobby simply observing. I had already ascertained where the elevator lobby for the rooms was, and the elevator down to the car park. Fortunately, it was not ‘guarded’ but there was a steady stream of concierge staff coming and going to the lower levels, and, just from time to time, guests.

Then, when there was a commotion at the front door, what seemed to be a collision of guests and free-wheeling bags, I saw one of the seven potential taggers sitting by the front door. Waiting for me to leave? Or were they wondering why I was spending so much time there?

Taking advantage of that confusion, I picked my moment to head for the elevators that went down to the car park, pressed the down button, and waited.

The was no car on the ground level, so I had to wait, watching, like several others, the guests untangling themselves at the entrance, and an eye on my potential surveillance, still absorbed in the confusion.

The doors to the left car opened, and a concierge stepped out, gave me a quick look, then headed back to his desk. I stepped into the car, pressed the first level down, the level I expected cars to arrive on, and waited what seemed like a long time for the doors to close.

As they did, I was expecting to see a hand poke through the gap, a latecomer. Nothing happened, and I put it down to a television moment.

There were three basement levels, and for a moment, I let my imagination run wild and considered the possibility that there were more levels. Of course, there was no indication on the control panel that there were any other floors, and I’d yet to see anything like it in reality.

With a shake of my head to return to reality, the car arrived, the doors opened, and I stepped out.

A car pulled up, and the driver stepped out, went around to the rear of his car, and pulled out a case. I half expected him to throw me the keys, but the instant glance he gave me told him was not the concierge, and instead brushed past me like I wasn’t there.

He bashed the up button several times impatiently and cursed when the doors didn’t open immediately. Not a happy man.

Another car drove past on its way down to a lower level.

I looked up and saw the CCTV camera, pointing towards the entrance, visible in the distance. A gate that lifted up was just about back in position and then made a clunk when it finally closed. The footage from the camera would not prove much, even if it had been working, because it didn’t cover the life lobby, only in the direction of the car entrance.

The doors to the other elevator car opened, and a man in a suit stepped out.

“Can I help you, sir? You seem lost.”

Security, or something else. “It seems that way. I went to the elevator lobby, got in, and it went down rather than up. I must have been in the wrong place.”

“Lost it is, then, sir.” I could hear the contempt for Americans in his tone. “If you will accompany me, please.”

He put out a hand ready to guide me back into the elevator. I was only too happy to oblige him. There had been a sign near the button panel that said the basement levels were only to be accessed by the guests.

Once inside, he turned a key and pressed the lobby button. The doors closed, and we went up. He stood, facing the door, not speaking. A few seconds later, he was ushering me out to the lobby.

“Now, sir, if you are a guest…”

“Actually, I’m looking for one. She called me and said she would be staying in this hotel and to come down and visit her. I was trying to get to the sixth floor.”

“Good. Let’s go over the the desk and see what we can do for you.”

I followed him over to the reception desk, where he signalled one of the clerks, a young woman who looked and acted very efficiently, and told her of my request, but then remained to oversee the proceeding.

“Name of guest, sir?”

“Merriweather, Anne. I’m her brother, Alexander.” I reached into my coat pocket and pulled out my passport to prove that I was who I said I was. She glanced cursorily at it.

She typed the name into the computer, and then we waited a few seconds while it considered what to output. Then, she said, “That lady is not in the hotel, sir.”

Time to put on my best-confused look. “But she said she would be staying here for the week. I made a special trip to come here to see her.”

Another puzzled look from the clerk, then, “When did she call you?”

An interesting question to ask, and it set off a warning bell in my head. I couldn’t say today, it would have to be the day she was supposedly taken.

“Last Saturday, about four in the afternoon.”

Another look at the screen, then, “It appears she checked out Sunday morning. I’m afraid you have made a trip in vain.”

Indeed, I had. “Was she staying with anyone?”

I just managed to see the warning pass from the suited man to the clerk. I thought he had shown an interest when I mentioned the name, and now I had confirmation. He knew something about her disappearance. The trouble was, he wasn’t going to volunteer any information because he was more than just hotel security.

“No.”

“Odd,” I muttered. “I thought she told me she was staying with a man named Vladimir something or other. I’m not too good at pronouncing those Russian names. Are you sure?”

She didn’t look back at the screen. “Yes.”

“OK, now one thing I do know about staying in hotels is that you are required to ask guests with foreign passports their next destination, just in case they need to be found. Did she say where she was going next?” It was a long shot, but I thought I’d ask.

“Moscow. As I understand it, she lives in Moscow. That was the only address she gave us.”

I smiled. “Thank you. I know where that is. I probably should have gone there first.”

She didn’t answer; she didn’t have to, her expression did that perfectly.

The suited man spoke again, looking at the clerk. “Thank you.” He swivelled back to me. “I’m sorry we can’t help you.”

“No. You have more than you can know.”

“What was your name again, sir, just in case you still cannot find her?”

“Alexander Merriweather. Her brother. And if she is still missing, I will be posting a very large reward. At the moment, you can best contact me via the American Embassy.”

Money is always a great motivator, and that thoughtful expression on his face suggested he gave a moment’s thought to it.

I left him with that offer and left. If anything, the people who were holding her would know she had a brother, that her brother was looking for her, and equally that brother had money.

© Charles Heath – 2018-2025

Writing a book in 365 days – 297

Day 297

Passive V Active voice

From Mire to Might: Your Blueprint for Conquering Passive Voice and Forging Powerful Prose

Ah, the passive voice. It’s the literary equivalent of that comfy old couch you sink into – sometimes it feels just right, but often it leaves you feeling a bit… flabby. As writers, we all know it exists. We’ve read the rules, seen the examples. Yet, like a sneaky saboteur, it still manages to creep into our drafts without us even realizing it. One minute you’re flowing, the next you’re rereading a paragraph and thinking, “Wait, who’s actually doing this action?”

The struggle is real. Training ourselves to consistently choose active voice isn’t about memorizing rules; it’s about rewiring our writing instincts. It’s about pulling ourselves out of that linguistic mire before we’ve even completely sunk. So, how do we practice this art, consciously and effectively? Let’s dive in.

Why Bother? A Quick Reminder of Active Voice’s Superpowers

Before we get to the “how,” let’s quickly refresh why active voice is so crucial for powerful writing:

  • Clarity: It leaves no doubt about who or what is performing the action.
  • Directness: It cuts straight to the point, avoiding unnecessary words.
  • Impact: It feels stronger, more confident, and more authoritative.
  • Engagement: It draws the reader in, making your sentences more dynamic.
  • Conciseness: It often shortens sentences, tightening your prose.

In short, active voice breathes life and energy into your words.

Your Training Regimen: Exercises to Forge Active Voice Habits

This isn’t about shaming; it’s about sharpening. Here’s how to build your active voice muscle.

1. The “Be” Test & The “By Whom/What” Test (Your Detector Tools)

First, you need to be able to spot the passive voice.

  • The “Be” Test: Look for forms of the verb “to be” (is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been) followed by a past participle (a verb usually ending in -ed or -en).
    • Example: “The report was written by Jane.” (was + written)
    • Example: “Mistakes were made.” (were + made)
    • Important Note: Not every “to be” verb indicates passive voice, but it’s a huge flag to investigate.
  • The “By Whom/What” Test: If you can add “by [someone/something]” after the verb without the sentence becoming nonsensical, it’s likely passive.
    • Example: “The decision was made (by the committee).” ✅ Passive
    • Example: “She is happy (by her dog).” ❌ Not passive

Practice Drill: Go through a recent piece of your writing. With a highlighter (digital or physical), mark every instance where you see a “be” verb + past participle, and then apply the “by whom/what” test. Don’t correct yet – just identify. This trains your eye.

2. The “Who’s Doing What?” Drill (Rewiring Your Brain)

Once you’ve identified a passive sentence, your next step is to consciously find the actor and make them the star.

  • Step A: Find the Action. What is the main action taking place?
  • Step B: Find the Actor. Who or what is performing that action? (This might be hidden in a “by” phrase or completely absent).
  • Step C: Reconstruct. Make the actor the subject of the sentence, followed by the active verb, and then the object.
    • Passive: “The novel was written by a young author.”
    • Action: “written”
    • Actor: “a young author”
    • Active: “A young author wrote the novel.”
    • Passive: “Numerous errors were found during the review.”
    • Action: “found”
    • Actor: (Not explicitly stated, but implied: the reviewers)
    • Active: “The reviewers found numerous errors during the review.” (Or, if the reviewers are truly irrelevant, consider rephrasing entirely: “The review revealed numerous errors.”)

Practice Drill: Take all those highlighted passive sentences from your previous exercise. Now, rewrite each one into active voice. Focus on making the actor explicit and the verb direct. Do this rapidly, like a quick-fire exercise, to build speed and instinct.

3. The “Passive Purge” Editing Round (Systematic Correction)

When you’re drafting, don’t stop the flow to correct passive voice. Get your ideas down. The dedicated passive voice editing round comes after the initial draft.

  • First Pass: Write freely.
  • Second Pass (or later): Go through your entire draft specifically looking for passive constructions. Treat it like a scavenger hunt. Tools like Grammarly or ProWritingAid can help flag them, but don’t just accept their suggestions blindly – understand why it’s passive and actively choose the best active alternative.

Practice Drill: Schedule a “Passive Purge” session for every piece of writing you produce for the next month. Make it a non-negotiable step in your editing process. The more you consciously identify and correct, the more your brain will start to flag it during the drafting stage.

4. Read Aloud (The Auditory Test)

Passive voice often sounds clunky, wordy, and indirect. Reading your work aloud forces you to hear the rhythm and flow (or lack thereof).

Practice Drill: Whenever you’re unsure about a sentence, read it aloud. If it sounds circuitous or less energetic than it could be, chances are a passive construction is lurking. Then, try rephrasing it actively and read that version aloud too. The difference in impact will often be stark.

5. Don’t Be a Zealot (Embrace the Nuance)

While active voice is generally stronger, passive voice does have its place. The goal isn’t to eradicate it entirely, but to use it consciously and strategically, not accidentally.

When passive is okay (or even preferred):

  • When the actor is unknown or unimportant: “The email was sent at midnight.” (Who sent it isn’t the point.)
  • When you want to emphasize the action or the recipient of the action over the actor: “The groundbreaking discovery was made in 2023.”
  • When you want to deliberately avoid naming the actor (for political or diplomatic reasons): “Mistakes were made.”
  • To vary sentence structure: Sometimes a passive sentence can provide a welcome rhythm change, if used sparingly.

Practice Drill: For every passive sentence you choose to keep, briefly note down why. This reinforces your understanding of its strategic uses and prevents it from being a crutch.

The Long Game: Consistency is Key

Training yourself to default to active voice is like building any other muscle – it requires consistent effort. You’ll stumble, you’ll miss things, and sometimes, a passive sentence will genuinely slip through. That’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection, but progress.

Make these drills a regular part of your writing routine. The more you consciously engage with identifying and transforming passive constructions, the deeper that active voice habit will embed itself. Soon, you’ll find yourself not just pulling yourself out of the mire, but steering clear of it altogether, forging prose that is undeniably powerful, clear, and impactful.

Now, go forth and write brilliantly, actively!

“Sunday in New York”, a romantic adventure that’s not a walk in the park!

“Sunday in New York” is ultimately a story about trust, and what happens when a marriage is stretched to its limits.

When Harry Steele attends a lunch with his manager, Barclay, to discuss a promotion that any junior executive would accept in a heartbeat, it is the fact his wife, Alison, who previously professed her reservations about Barclay, also agreed to attend, that casts a small element of doubt in his mind.

From that moment, his life, in the company, in deciding what to do, his marriage, his very life, spirals out of control.

There is no one big factor that can prove Harry’s worst fears, that his marriage is over, just a number of small, interconnecting events, when piled on top of each other, points to a cataclysmic end to everything he had believed in.

Trust is lost firstly in his best friend and mentor, Andy, who only hints of impending disaster, Sasha, a woman whom he saved, and who appears to have motives of her own, and then in his wife, Alison, as he discovered piece by piece damning evidence she is about to leave him for another man.

Can we trust what we see with our eyes or trust what we hear?

Haven’t we all jumped to conclusions at least once in our lives?

Can Alison, a woman whose self-belief and confidence is about to be put to the ultimate test, find a way of proving their relationship is as strong as it has ever been?

As they say in the classics, read on!

Purchase:

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In a word: Arm

Like leg, arm is a word that is mostly associated with a body part.

Like being legless, another description for being drunk, being rendered ‘armless’ means you are no threat, in a rather awful but funny way by saying it.

I guess we all have a dash of ‘sick’ humour in all of us.

However, arm can also be used to describe a part of a structure too.

It could also describe the arm of an ‘armchair’.

But…

Arm also means to give people weapons like guns, usually from an armoury.

I’m guessing that a whole lot of people with arms is an army!

You can also say that taking those weapons away would be to disarm them.

It might take the long arm of the law to do it, too.

And to disarm someone doesn’t necessarily mean to take away their arms, but to ‘charm’ them with your wit and humour.

An arm can also be a river or streams tributary, so I could say instead of staying on the main river, I’ll take the ‘named’ arm, but just remember, sometimes this can be dangerous, getting off the main route.

On a boat, there is a yardarm, and this was once used to hang seamen who committed serious crimes such as mutiny.

A call to arms was to declare war,

And lastly, an arm of the defence services could be any one of Army, Navy, Marines or Airforce.

Just steer clear of the Navy for the aforementioned reasons.

 

“Echoes From The Past”, the past doesn’t necessarily stay there


What happens when your past finally catches up with you?

Christmas is just around the corner, a time to be with family. For Will Mason, an orphan since he was fourteen, it is a time for reflection on what his life could have been, and what it could be.

Until a chance encounter brings back to life the reasons for his twenty years of self-imposed exile from a life only normal people could have. From that moment Will’s life slowly starts to unravel and it’s obvious to him it’s time to move on.

This time, however, there is more at stake.

Will has broken his number one rule, don’t get involved.

With his nemesis, Eddie Jamieson, suddenly within reach, and a blossoming relationship with an office colleague, Maria, about to change everything, Will has to make a choice. Quietly leave, or finally, make a stand.

But as Will soon discovers, when other people are involved there is going to be terrible consequences no matter what choice he makes.

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NANOWRIMO – November 2025 – Day 9

The Third Son of a Duke

I cannot begin to imagine if one were a single man travelling in second class with so many eligible women, what thoughts might pass through his mind. 

I imagine that behaviour might have been somewhat more circumspect in such a setting at the time, 1914, and that what I have read of the times, we cannot accept that they might have the same behaviour as they would today.

There are so many stories about young people travelling on cruise ships and the exploits they get up to, but back then, in an era where rules were more strictly enforced, more than half of those passengers were older, with families, and would expect socially responsible behaviour.

In an age where the captain of the ship was almost God like in stature, I suspect misbehaving on a ship would be met with swift action.  Certainly, alcohol was not freely flowing and sometimes not available; it was, in those days, at the discretion of the Captain.

So I’m running with the captain running a tight ship, the passengers behaving acceptably, and anything else was kept where it belonged, out of sight and mind.  That wouldn’t stop gossip or cliques from trying to figure out who and what their fellow passengers were, or that passengers who were initially strangers wouldn’t come together in groups for conversation, meals, and socialising.

There will be social events, like card nights, concerts, lantern lectures, and deck games, for children and adults alike.  There would be dances, where these young people could let off a little steam and meet others.

Six weeks on a ship in practically confinement is fodder for a lot of twists in the tale.

1715 words, for a total of 15380 words.