Category: Books

The cinema of my dreams – Was it just another surveillance job – Episode 41

I’m back home and this story has been sitting on the back burner for a few months, waiting for some more to be written.

The trouble is, there are also other stories to write, and I’m not very good at prioritizing.

But, here we are, a few minutes opened up and it didn’t take long to get back into the groove.

Chasing leads, maybe

—

I gave it about five minutes before I think I started breathing again and then headed back to Jennifer.

Or where I thought I had left her.

She wasn’t there. I think, in the end, it didn’t surprise me. She had been reluctant from the start so if I had to guess, she had done a bunk. This was not her fight, nor mine, but she had a ticket out. Why would you want to come back after being betrayed by the likes of Severin and Maury?

I hope she left the car behind.

Now that I was here there was no point leaving, so I took a few minutes to search the surrounding area, just in case she was still here, just someplace else, and when she wasn’t, I quickly and silently made my way back to the side of the house with the open door from a different direction.

There was another set of French doors, these curtained, and with an overhead light above the doorway, so I kept my distance in case there was a movement activator, another which looked to be a servant’s entrance at the back. Neither door looked to be an easy viable entrance.

The original side door was still unlocked, with no lights or movement inside.

I waited, then opened the door wide enough to slip through. Again, I waited in case there was a silent alarm, then when nothing stirred, slipped through and closed the door behind me.

On the other side of the door, it was quite dark, except now I could see, on one wall, the dying embers of a fire. Someone had been in the room earlier and most likely gone to bed.

It meant the house was occupied.

It also meant I had to be careful.

On the other side of the doors, it was a lot warmer. Again I waited a few minutes, just in case someone came, and, when they didn’t, I pulled out a small torch and turned it on.

In front of me were two chairs and a table, one I would have walked into without a light. The walls had shelves and those shelves were filled with books. Some behind glass doors, others not. There was another chair by the fire, and beside it, a stack of cooks, and a table with had an empty glass and a bottle, and a pair of reading glasses.

The downstairs reading room.

I cross the room slowly, hoping there were no squeaky floorboards, to be expected in an old house like this one. The timber flooring was exposed only at the edges of the room, the rest of the floor covered in a large, discolored, and fraying carpet square.

It was old, like everything else in the room.

I was tempted to have a look at how far the books dated back to but resisted the urge. I was looking for information on the owner.

At the doorway to what looked like a passage, I turned off the torch and peered out. It was not exactly dark, my eyes had adjusted to the low-level light from low wattage lights about a foot above the floor.

Lights to help guide the way at night.

Left, rooms, right, rooms, at the end of the passage a wide doorway leading towards the other side of the house. Larger rooms perhaps.

I turned right and headed towards the front, and they stopped at the doorway to the next room. I’d deliberately walked on the carpet runner in the middle of the passage, and just managed to catch my foot when one part of the floor creaked softly.

The room next door was almost the same as the one I’d entered by, with chairs and shelves but only on two sides. This room had a long window and no French doors.

On one side there was a writing desk, open, with papers scatted on the writing surface. I quickly crossed the room to it, switched on the light, and checked.

Bills. In the name of Mrs. Marianne Quigley. This had to be Adam Quigley’s mother, and by deduction, O’Connell’s mother.

Proof I was in the right place.

Then I heard the squeak of a floorboard followed by the clicking sound of a gun being cocked.

“Don’t move, or I’ll shoot. Hands in the air. And don’t make me ask twice.”

Hands up it was.

—

© Charles Heath 2020-2022

Inspiration, Maybe – Volume 2

50 photographs, 50 stories, of which there is one of the 50 below.

They all start with –

A picture paints … well, as many words as you like.  For instance:

And, the story:

Have you ever watched your hopes and dreams simply fly away?

Everything I thought I wanted and needed had just left in an aeroplane, and although I said I was not going to, I came to the airport to see the plane leave.  Not the person on it, that would have been far too difficult and emotional, but perhaps it was symbolic, the end of one life and the start of another.

But no matter what I thought or felt, we had both come to the right decision.  She needed the opportunity to spread her wings.  It was probably not the best idea for her to apply for the job without telling me, but I understood her reasons.

She was in a rut.  Though her job was a very good one, it was not as demanding as she had expected, particularly after the last promotion, but with it came resentment from others on her level that she, the youngest of the group, would get the position.

It was something that had been weighing her down for the last three months, and if she noticed it, the late nights, the moodiness, sometimes a flash of temper.  I knew she had one; no one could have such red hair and not, but she had always kept it in check.

And then there was us, together, and after seven years, it felt like we were going nowhere.  Perhaps that was down to my lack of ambition, and though she never said it, lack of sophistication.  It hadn’t been an issue, well, not until her last promotion, and the fact that she had to entertain more, and frankly, I felt like an embarrassment to her.

So, there it was, three days ago, the beginning of the weekend, and we had planned to go away for a few days and take stock.  We both acknowledged we needed to talk, but it never seemed the right time.

It was then that she said she had quit her job and found a new one.  Starting the following Monday.

Ok, that took me by surprise, not so much that it was something I sort of guessed might happen, but that she would just blurt it out.

I think that right then, at that moment, I could feel her frustration with everything around her.

What surprised her was my reaction.  None.

I simply asked who, where, and when.

A world-class newspaper in New York, and she had to be there in a week.

A week.

It was all the time I had left with her.

I remember just shrugging and asking if the planned weekend away was off.

She stood on the other side of the kitchen counter, hands around a cup of coffee she had just poured, and that one thing I remembered was the lone tear that ran down her cheek.

Is that all you want to know?

I did, yes, but we had lost the intimacy we used to have, where she would have told me what was happening, and we would have brainstormed solutions. I might be a cabinet maker, but I still had a brain, was what I overheard her tell a friend once.

There’s not much to ask, I said.  You’ve been desperately unhappy and haven’t been able to hide it all that well, you have been under a lot of pressure trying to deal with a group of troglodytes, and you’ve been leaning on Bentley’s shoulder instead of mine, and I get it, he’s got more experience in that place,  and the politics that go with it, and is still an ally.

Her immediate superior was instrumental in her getting the position, but unlike some men in his position, he had not taken advantage of the situation like some might.  And even if she had made a move, which I doubted, that was not the sort of woman she was, he would have politely declined.

One of the very few happily married men in that organisation, so I heard.

So, she said, you’re not just a pretty face.

Par for the course for a cabinet maker whose university degree is in psychology.  It doesn’t take rocket science to see what was happening to you.  I just didn’t think it was my place to jump in unless you asked me, and when you didn’t, well, that told me everything I needed to know.

Yes, our relationship had a use-by date, and it was in the next few days.

I was thinking, she said, that you might come with me; you can make cabinets anywhere.

I could, but I think the real problem wasn’t just the job.  It was everything around her and going with her that would just be a constant reminder of what had been holding her back. I didn’t want that for her and said so.

Then the only question left was, what do we do now?

Go shopping for suitcases.  Bags to pack, and places to go.

Getting on the roller coaster is easy.  At the beginning, it’s a slow, easy ride, followed by the slow climb to the top.  It’s much like some relationships; they start out easy, they require a little work to get to the next level, followed by the adrenaline rush when it all comes together.

What most people forget is that what comes down must go back up, and life is pretty much a roller coaster with highs and lows.

Our roller coaster had just come out of the final turn, and we were braking so that it would stop at the station.

There was no question of going with her to New York.  Yes, I promised I’d come over and visit her, but that was a promise with crossed fingers behind my back.  After a few months in the new job, the last thing she’d want was a reminder of what she left behind.  New friends, new life.

We packed her bags, threw out everything she didn’t want, a free trip to the op shop with stuff she knew others would like to have, and basically, by the time she was ready to go, there was nothing left of her in the apartment, or anywhere.

Her friends would be seeing her off at the airport, and that’s when I told her I was not coming; that moment, the taxi arrived to take her away forever.  I remember standing there, watching the taxi go.  It was going to be, and was, as hard as it was to watch the plane leave.

So, there I was, finally staring at the blank sky, around me a dozen other plane spotters, a rather motley crew of plane enthusiasts.

Already that morning, there had been 6 different types of planes departing, and I could hear another winding up its engines for take-off.

People coming, people going.

Maybe I would go to New York in a couple of months, not to see her, but just to see what the attraction was.  Or maybe I would drop in, just to see how she was.

As one of my friends told me when I gave him the news, the future is never written in stone, and it’s about time you broadened your horizons.

Perhaps it was.

© Charles Heath 2020-2026

…

Coming soon.  Find the above story and 49 others like it in:

The cinema of my dreams – I always wanted to see the planets – Episode 6

Let’s pause a minute, in space, to get it some measurements right

…

Out there, in space, it’s not like being on the highway, going from one side of the country to the other.

That, effectively, is only a few thousand miles, or kilometres as we now measured distance, the influence of the European countries attached to the space alliance.

But late at night, and astrophysics, or astrology, or whatever the science of space is called, is not a subject to take up, particularly when you’re tired.

The other night I was tired, and confused, and hence got all my numbers muddled up. The thing is, when numbers go up to billions, with all of them zeros, it could be confusing for everyone.

Or maybe it was just me.

But, the first constant is the speed of light. That’s approximately 1,079,251,200 km per hour, Pretty fast, eh.

But, as I’m told, nothing can go faster than the speed of light.

So, in this story, it’s a given.

Spaceship speeds, in this story, are measured as SSPDs.

SSPD 1,000 is the speed of light.

This new spaceship will not go that fast. It is capable of SSPD 5, but even then, it’s not recommended. So, we are, from the beginning, are going to accept that it will go SSPD 4.

Trials got it to 4.5, but that was when the design engineers were aboard and could fix any problems.

So how fast are the SSPD increments?

SSPD 1 is 1,079,251 km per hour. SSPD 2 is double that. That’s the fastest cruising speed the current ships can travel.

This new ship goes twice as fast so at SSPD 4 it can cruise at 4,317,004 km per hour.

Now, where I got everything wrong, is the distance of the planets from Earth, and the time it would take to get there.

Mars: about 56 million km when in line between the earth and the sun, but has a min of 54.5 million km

Venus: between 38 million and 261 million km

Mercury: averaging about 77 million km to a max of 222 million km

Jupiter: from a min of 588 million to a max of 968 million km

Saturn: from a min of 1.3 billion to 1.7 billion km

Uranus: from a min of 2.57 billion to 3.15 billion km

Neptune: from a min of 4.3 billion to 4.7 billion km

Since in the story, it’s possible the ship might be stopping at Mars briefly, the time it could possibly take, given the position of Mars at the time (about 60 million km), is about 14 hours.

As for the ultimate destination, Neptune, at 4.5 billion km approximately, it is going to take 1,042 hours, or 43.5 days.

Hopefully, I’m now over some of the confusion of distances between the planets, and will have some semblance of credible measurements and times.

…

What I learned about writing – The art of looking busy

This month is just starting to disappear, and once again, I don’t feel like I’m going to make any more progress than I did last week.

Winter has all but disappeared, and Spring is upon us. Not as cold as Lake Louise in December, but it feels like it.

What were my expectations last month? 

I had set a list of projects for the month, more episodes for the three continuing stories, and a start to the next episodic story, ‘Motive, Means, and Opportunity’, though for this story I have brought together all the writing I’ve been doing in past weeks. But like most of these fringe stories, it has reached a point where more research is needed, and I have too much else to do.

Then there is the completion of ‘The Things We Do for Love’. It’s finally finished and needs a read-through before going to the editor, but making time to just sit and read…?

The same applies to ‘Strangers We’ve Become’, and it is in the same time-consuming basket. It needs a final read-through, so it’s on the to-do list.

It would be easy to blame any number of obscure reasons, but I’ve been home and had the time, only there have been several distractions and ideas for new stories that seem to divert my attention from what I should be doing.

It’s not writer’s block.  It’s not laziness.  It seems that I just don’t want to work on them, and that might be because there are problems with the narrative, and I’m just not ready to address them.

What has got my attention then?

I’m not sure how or why, but something triggered the idea of passing through a portal into another time, in the past.  I think I might have been looking for photographs to write another photo story, and I came across a covered bridge, which led me to look for photographs of ghost towns.  What topped it off was an old western in black and white, High Noon, which provoked a whole lot of memories of many westerns I’d seen in the past.

What other reason do you need to write your own story?

Then, when visiting my grandchildren, we happened to do some stargazing using Google Sky Map and picked out the planets.  Somehow, I managed to take a photo and looking at it, it took me back to the days of Star Trek, and the many series, which sort of gave me an idea for another story, which has been running off and on over the last month. It now has 53 episodes, and I need to write more, yep, on the to-do list.

Equally, I’m always on the lookout for photo opportunities that I can use to write short stories, and these continue apace, the latest being published this week, number 146.  These are being formed into anthologies, stories 1 to 50, and stories 51 to 100.  The first has been assembled into book form and is awaiting the editor’s first reading and report.  I’m still working on the second.

Meanwhile, another 50 have been written and are awaiting publication in volume 3.

Perhaps some of the time has been spent keeping up with Twitter, where, over the last six months, and more recently, sales of my books on Amazon have been increasing.  Not to best-seller numbers, but people are reading my stories, and the reviews have been very good.

It has, of course, pushed me to work harder on marketing, and that has consumed some of my time, which unfortunately takes me away from writing.  It sometimes feels like a self-defeating exercise, but it is the same for all of us.

Oh, and something else that cropped up this month, my brother has been digging into our family history, and around the middle of the month, he found some interesting revelations about some family members, including a pseudo-Luddite, and then later on, when chasing down the places that we, as a family, lived, and this brought out some very interesting information about our father.

It also seems we may have had a distant relative on the ship that left after the Mayflower to Plymouth Rock, USA, at the very beginning. That will be remarkable if it is true.

I’m discovering that for what I’d always assumed was an ordinary man, he had done a lot of very interesting things in his life, and not only that, I’ve also been fictionalising the story.  I have potted pieces written over various stages, and, one day, they might come together as a sort of biography.  It is astonishing just how much you don’t know about your family, until much later on, at least for some of us.  Our relatives have always been a mystery to me, and it’s fascinating as each one is brought to life with new detail here and there.

Looking back on what I’ve just written, perhaps the passing of the month had been more productive than I first thought.  It just seems like nothing major has happened.

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 252

Day 252 – Overcoming failure

…

The Aesthetics of Inadequacy: Why Samuel Beckett Made Failure His Masterpiece

Most writers spend their lives trying to transcend, outrun, or at least strategically overcome their failures. They polish the rough edges, suppress the dud manuscripts, and curate a trajectory of upward momentum.

Then there is Samuel Beckett.

Where others saw an obstacle to be conquered, the Irish modernist saw a fundamental truth of the human condition. Beckett didn’t just tolerate failure; he elevated it into a formal aesthetic, a philosophical inquiry, and ultimately, a triumphant theme.

If most literature is built on the pursuit of success, resolution, and meaning, Beckett’s work is the magnificent monument built on the ruins of their impossibility. Let’s explore how the master of the absurd turned artistic and existential failure into high art—and what modern creators can learn from his glorious embrace of getting it wrong.

The Paradigm Shift: From Mastery to Incompetence

To understand Beckett’s relationship with failure, you have to look at the tradition of Western letters. For centuries, the implicit contract between writer and reader was one of authority. The author was an architect constructing a tidy, coherent world.

Beckett, deeply scarred by the horrors of the 20th century and disillusioned by grand narratives, realized this contract was a lie. How could an artist pretend to offer neat resolutions in a world shattered by world wars and defined by existential dread?

Instead of faking mastery, Beckett chose incompetence.

In his landmark essay on the painter Bram van Velde, Beckett dropped a meta-commentary on his own artistic ethos, writing: “The expression that there is nothing to express, nothing with which to express, nothing from which to express, no power to express, no desire to express, together with the obligation to express.”

This is the quintessential Beckettian bind: you must speak, even though you have nothing to say; you must try, even though you are bound to fail.

Waiting for Godot: The Art of Getting Nowhere

No work captures this ethos better than Beckett’s 1953 masterpiece, Waiting for Godot. The play’s premise is an act of structural failure: two tramps, Vladimir and Estragon, wait on a desolate road for a man named Godot who never arrives.

  • Act I: Nothing happens.
  • Act II: Exactly the same nothing happens, repeated.

Traditional drama relies on plot progression, character arcs, and a climax. Godot actively resists all three. It is a play about a failed appointment, a failed communication, and a failed attempt to pass the time.

Yet, by stripping away plot, Beckett achieves something profound. By making failure the very architecture of the play, he frees the audience from the tyranny of expectation. We stop asking, “What happens next?” and instead confront the deeper, heavier question: “What do we do with the time we have left?”

In Godot, failure is not a bug; it’s the operating system.

“Fail Better”: The Ultimate Creative Mantra

Perhaps Beckett’s most famous contribution to the lexicon of failure comes from his 1983 prose piece, Worstward Ho, which contains the oft-quoted, fiercely paradoxically encouraging line:

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

This is not cynical resignation; it is radical liberation. “Fail better” is a direct challenge to the paralysing perfectionism that plagues modern writers, entrepreneurs, and artists.

Most people view failure as a binary: you either succeed or you fail. Beckett introduces a gradient. He suggests that failure is an infinite regress, but within that regress, there is a craft to be honed. You can learn to articulate your ignorance more precisely. You can learn to map your dead ends with greater eloquence.

When you accept that failure is guaranteed, the stakes lower, and the true creative work can finally begin.

Why Beckett’s Failure Matters Today

In our current cultural moment—obsessed as it is with highlight reels, algorithmic success, and relentless personal branding—Beckett feels more subversive than ever. We live in a world terrified of looking foolish, of being cancelled, or of producing sub-optimal outputs.

Beckett reminds us that:

  1. Uncertainty is honest: Pretending to have all the answers is a form of artistic dishonesty.
  2. Incoherence has emotional resonance: Sometimes, the only way to express grief, confusion, or absurdity is through stuttering, repetition, and silence.
  3. The struggle is the art: The value is not in the finished product that solves all problems, but in the noble, doomed attempt to articulate the inarticulate.

Conclusion: Embracing Your Inner Beckett

You don’t need to write a play about two guys standing by a leafless tree to incorporate Beckett’s philosophy into your life.

Next time you face a blank page, a botched project, or an ambition that has completely derailed, take a page out of Beckett’s playbook. Stop trying to transcend the mess. Lean into it.

Acknowledge that the words won’t be entirely right, the project won’t be a neat masterpiece, and the grand plan might completely dissolve. Then, smile, take a deep breath, and heed the master’s advice:

Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

…

In a word: Toe

A toe is one of five at the end of your foot, and from time to time, you wriggle.  It’s also one of the first things to go when you get frostbite.

And when was the last time you stubbed your toe?  It hurts!

It can also mean something at the tip or point, such as the toe of a country like Italy or England.

What does it mean when someone treads on your toes?   You upset or annoy them.

What if you go toe to toe with someone?  Two people are having a ‘robust discussion’.

What about that boss who keeps you on your toes, especially when he’s looking over your shoulder!

And what about a toe-poke, a hard kick of the football with your toe?

Of course, it’s not to be confused with the word tow, which basically means to pull something behind you.

Like a tow truck, pulling a broken-down or smashed-up vehicle.

But, do you toe the line, or tow the line?  Or both at different times?

It seems that to toe the line means to do as you are told, or conform to a standard.

Sadly, that doesn’t describe me!

‘The Devil You Don’t’ – A beta reader’s view

It could be said that of all the women one could meet, whether contrived or by sheer luck, what are the odds it would turn out to be the woman who was being paid a very large sum to kill you?

John Pennington is a man who may be lucky in business, but not so lucky in love. He has just broken up with Phillipa Sternhaven, the woman he thought was the one, but relatives and circumstances, and perhaps because she was a ‘princess’, may also have contributed to the end result.

So, what do you do when you are heartbroken?

That is a story that slowly unfolds, from the first meeting with his nemesis on Lake Geneva, all the way to a hotel room in Sorrento, where he learns the shattering truth.

What should have been solace after disappointment turns out to be something else entirely, and from that point, everything goes to hell in a handbasket.

He suddenly realises his so-called friend Sebastian has not exactly told him the truth about a small job he asked him to do, the woman he is falling in love with is not quite who she says she is, and he is caught in the middle of a war between two men who consider people becoming collateral damage as part of their business.

The story paints the characters, cleverly displaying all their flaws and weaknesses. The locations add to the story at times, taking me back down memory lane, especially to Venice, where, in those back streets, I confess it’s not all that hard to get lost.

All in all, a thoroughly entertaining story with, for once, a satisfying end.

…

Available on Amazon here: https://amzn.to/2Xyh1ow

…

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 252

Day 252 – Overcoming failure

…

The Aesthetics of Inadequacy: Why Samuel Beckett Made Failure His Masterpiece

Most writers spend their lives trying to transcend, outrun, or at least strategically overcome their failures. They polish the rough edges, suppress the dud manuscripts, and curate a trajectory of upward momentum.

Then there is Samuel Beckett.

Where others saw an obstacle to be conquered, the Irish modernist saw a fundamental truth of the human condition. Beckett didn’t just tolerate failure; he elevated it into a formal aesthetic, a philosophical inquiry, and ultimately, a triumphant theme.

If most literature is built on the pursuit of success, resolution, and meaning, Beckett’s work is the magnificent monument built on the ruins of their impossibility. Let’s explore how the master of the absurd turned artistic and existential failure into high art—and what modern creators can learn from his glorious embrace of getting it wrong.

The Paradigm Shift: From Mastery to Incompetence

To understand Beckett’s relationship with failure, you have to look at the tradition of Western letters. For centuries, the implicit contract between writer and reader was one of authority. The author was an architect constructing a tidy, coherent world.

Beckett, deeply scarred by the horrors of the 20th century and disillusioned by grand narratives, realized this contract was a lie. How could an artist pretend to offer neat resolutions in a world shattered by world wars and defined by existential dread?

Instead of faking mastery, Beckett chose incompetence.

In his landmark essay on the painter Bram van Velde, Beckett dropped a meta-commentary on his own artistic ethos, writing: “The expression that there is nothing to express, nothing with which to express, nothing from which to express, no power to express, no desire to express, together with the obligation to express.”

This is the quintessential Beckettian bind: you must speak, even though you have nothing to say; you must try, even though you are bound to fail.

Waiting for Godot: The Art of Getting Nowhere

No work captures this ethos better than Beckett’s 1953 masterpiece, Waiting for Godot. The play’s premise is an act of structural failure: two tramps, Vladimir and Estragon, wait on a desolate road for a man named Godot who never arrives.

  • Act I: Nothing happens.
  • Act II: Exactly the same nothing happens, repeated.

Traditional drama relies on plot progression, character arcs, and a climax. Godot actively resists all three. It is a play about a failed appointment, a failed communication, and a failed attempt to pass the time.

Yet, by stripping away plot, Beckett achieves something profound. By making failure the very architecture of the play, he frees the audience from the tyranny of expectation. We stop asking, “What happens next?” and instead confront the deeper, heavier question: “What do we do with the time we have left?”

In Godot, failure is not a bug; it’s the operating system.

“Fail Better”: The Ultimate Creative Mantra

Perhaps Beckett’s most famous contribution to the lexicon of failure comes from his 1983 prose piece, Worstward Ho, which contains the oft-quoted, fiercely paradoxically encouraging line:

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

This is not cynical resignation; it is radical liberation. “Fail better” is a direct challenge to the paralysing perfectionism that plagues modern writers, entrepreneurs, and artists.

Most people view failure as a binary: you either succeed or you fail. Beckett introduces a gradient. He suggests that failure is an infinite regress, but within that regress, there is a craft to be honed. You can learn to articulate your ignorance more precisely. You can learn to map your dead ends with greater eloquence.

When you accept that failure is guaranteed, the stakes lower, and the true creative work can finally begin.

Why Beckett’s Failure Matters Today

In our current cultural moment—obsessed as it is with highlight reels, algorithmic success, and relentless personal branding—Beckett feels more subversive than ever. We live in a world terrified of looking foolish, of being cancelled, or of producing sub-optimal outputs.

Beckett reminds us that:

  1. Uncertainty is honest: Pretending to have all the answers is a form of artistic dishonesty.
  2. Incoherence has emotional resonance: Sometimes, the only way to express grief, confusion, or absurdity is through stuttering, repetition, and silence.
  3. The struggle is the art: The value is not in the finished product that solves all problems, but in the noble, doomed attempt to articulate the inarticulate.

Conclusion: Embracing Your Inner Beckett

You don’t need to write a play about two guys standing by a leafless tree to incorporate Beckett’s philosophy into your life.

Next time you face a blank page, a botched project, or an ambition that has completely derailed, take a page out of Beckett’s playbook. Stop trying to transcend the mess. Lean into it.

Acknowledge that the words won’t be entirely right, the project won’t be a neat masterpiece, and the grand plan might completely dissolve. Then, smile, take a deep breath, and heed the master’s advice:

Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

…

“The Things we do for Love”, the story behind the story

This story has been ongoing since I was seventeen, and just to let you know, I’m 72 this year.

Yes, it’s taken a long time to get it done.

Why, you might ask.

Well, I never gave it much interest because I started writing it after a small incident when I was 17, and working as a book packer for a book distributor in Melbourne

At the end of my first year, at Christmas, the employer had a Christmas party, and that year, it was at a venue in St Kilda.

I wasn’t going to go because at that age, I was an ordinary boy who was very introverted and basically scared of his own shadow and terrified by girls.

Back then, I would cross the street to avoid them

Also, other members of the staff in the shipping department were rough and ready types who were not backwards in telling me what happened, and being naive, perhaps they knew I’d be either shocked or intrigued.

I was both adamant I wasn’t coming and then got roped in on a dare.

Damn!

So, back then, in the early 70s, people looked the other way when it came to drinking, and of course, Dutch courage always takes away the concerns, especially when normally you wouldn’t do half the stuff you wouldn’t in a million years

I made it to the end, not as drunk and stupid as I thought I might be, and St Kilda being a salacious place if you knew where to look, my new friends decided to give me a surprise.

It didn’t take long to realise these men were ‘men about town’ as they kept saying, and we went on an odyssey.  Yes, those backstreet brothels where one could, I was told, have anything they could imagine.

Let me tell you, large quantities of alcohol and imagination were a very bad mix.

So, the odyssey in ‘The things we do’ was based on that, and then the encounter with Diana. Well, let’s just say I learned a great deal about girls that night.

Firstly, not all girls are nasty and spiteful, which seemed to be the case whenever I met one. There was a way to approach, greet, talk to, and behave.

It was also true that I could have had anything I wanted, but I decided what was in my imagination could stay there.  She was amused that all I wanted was to talk, but it was my money, and I could spend it how I liked.

And like any 17-year-old naive fool, I fell in love with her and had all these foolish notions.  Months later, I went back, but she had moved on, to where no one was saying or knew.

Needless to say, I was heartbroken and had to get over that first loss, which, like any 17-year-old, was like the end of the world.

But it was the best hour I’d ever spent in my life and would remain so until I met the woman I have been married to for the last 48 years.

As Henry, he was in part based on a rebel, the son of rich parents who despised them and their wealth, and he used to regale anyone who would listen about how they had messed up his life

If only I’d come from such a background!

And yes, I was only a run away from climbing up the stairs to get on board a ship, acting as a purser.

I worked for a shipping company and they gave their junior staff members an opportunity to spend a year at sea working as a purser on a cargo ship that sailed between Melbourne, Sydney and Hobart in Australia.

One of the other junior staff members’ turn came, and I would visit him on board when he would tell me stories about life on board, the officers, the crew, and other events. These stories, which sounded incredible to someone so impressionable, were a delight to hear.

Alas, by that time, I had tired of office work and moved on to be a tradesman at the place where my father worked.

It proved to be the right move, as that is where I met my wife.  Diana had been right; love would find me when I least expected it.

…

lovecoverfinal1

The cinema of my dreams – Was it just another surveillance job – Episode 40

I’m back home and this story has been sitting on a back burner for a few months, waiting for some more to be written.

The trouble is, there are also other stories to write, and I’m not very good at prioritizing.

But, here we are, a few minutes opened up and it didn’t take long to get back into the groove.

Chasing leads, maybe

…

Darkness fell in a noticeably short time, and we left the pub at about six. In the hour so we have been there I’d been keeping a close eye on the comings and goings, and in particular, if O’Connell came in, or someone else that might look like him.

He hadn’t, nor had any mythical family members.  Well, it had been a long shot.

Jennifer hadn’t volunteered anything more to the conversation and sat working her way through a piece of fried fish and a bowl of chips.  Neither had looked appetizing.  I would have bet she’d have the chicken, but I was wrong, and probably it wasn’t going to be the first time.

“Do you have a gun?”

It was after ten minutes of silence.  It worried me that she didn’t ask how far it was or how long it would take.  And then, out of nowhere, the gun question.

“No.  Why would I have a gun.?”

“We were issued with weapons.  I still have mine.”

“Did you bring it with you?”

“No.  Like I told you, I didn’t think I was still working for the Department.  They didn’t ask for it back, so I didn’t give it to them.”

“Or the identities?”

“No.  It was odd though; they didn’t ask about them either.”

“Maybe they were going to wait a while and then ask you back.”

This was a weird conversation to be having.  By this time we were in Peaslake Lane, and not far from the house I pulled over to the side of the road, under a tree.

The houses were set back in a rural setting.  Between the darkness and the undergrowth, the chances were we could get to the house without being seen.  From where I was sitting, no windows or doors were visible.

I made sure the car’s internal light didn’t go on the moment the door was open.

“Are you bringing your cell phone?”

“Why.  I’m not envisaging having to call anyone, nor am I expecting a call.”

I shrugged, and slipped mine into a pocket where I could easily reach it I needed to.

I got out of the car, and she followed.  She left he bag in the car.  The first sign of training kicking in; eave all un-necessary baggage behind.  Perhaps having a gun might have been a good option if we ran into trouble.

Oddly enough, now that I thought about it, Monica hadn’t asked for mine back either, but it was sitting at home in a safe, along with the five other identities Severin had issued each of us with.

I locked the car, equally as silent and invisible as she joined me.

“Which house?”

“Three along.  Follow me and keep your eyes and ears peeled.”

I didn’t have to tell her, but it didn’t hurt to emphasize the importance of stealth.  There were people home in other houses, lights in windows just discernible through the trees, one house a window without a curtain, a view into the dining room, but there was no one at the table.

If we were visiting them, perhaps we’d be in time for dinner.

The house we were looking for was in darkness from our approach.

“You keep an eye open this side, and I’ll go around the other, then come back.  I’ll see if there’s an easy entry point.”

“What if someone is home?”

“Doesn’t look like it from here, and I’ll be surprised if there is.”

A moment later she had disappeared into the shrub line and I was heading across the front of the house, heading for the other side.  I kept well away from the front door, just in case there was a motion light, or worse, a motion detector that might set off a silent alarm.

But, that might already have happened, and if it had, no one had made a move inside.

Down the side was walls and windows, no doors or French doors leading out into the garden.  None of the windows were at a decent height for us to clamber through, and if we had to, it was going to be difficult.

I continued on, around the back, where there was more success.  French doors leading onto a patio, and then the lawn.  In the corner was a greenhouse, and next to that a rose garden.  Or at least that was what both looked like in the dark.

The moon, for the moment, was hidden by dark clouds.

Perhaps it would rain, though it had not been in the forecast, but, this was England, and it could rain at any time, especially when you didn’t want or need it.  There was no light, or motion sensor over the French doors, so I crossed the patio and looked through the doors.

I had expected curtains, but these hadn’t been completely drawn.  No large light or lamp on, but there were indicator lights, several red and one a particularly bright blue, casting a rather long shadow over furniture and what looked to be a carpet square.

Out of curiosity, I tried the door.

It was open.

Then I had the blind panic moment of thinking it might be alarmed.

I shut it again and waited.

…

© Charles Heath 2020