Category: Book

What I learned about writing – It is easy to get lost in your make-believe world.

It seems that we can be completely focused on a single task to the detriment of all else, and, when that task is complete, suddenly we feel totally drained.

That’s how I feel right now.

The current year is almost half over…  Where did the time go?

All I have to do is get past the publication of my next two books, take some time away from writing, and then I should be invigorated.  Perhaps COVID had something to do with it because I found it very easy to get lost in and stay in my new imaginary world,  rather than the horrible new world that had been thrust upon us, with more heads down and tail up, with nowhere to go, no travel to plan, and not able to go anywhere.

This is despite our fearless leaders telling us that COVID is no longer a problem, which it probably isn’t, but what do I care?  And for computer programmers who never leave their semi-darkened lair, ordering pizza and Coke, it must have been a Godsend.

Given that I prefer to be at home, working on any number of stories, it usually is for me too.

But have I been working too hard, and it’s finally got to me?  I mean, you can only write so much before the brain starts to fry?  Or you disappear down that proverbial rabbit hole and gradually turn into the character.

I have been working on the two novels that needed to be completed, and they are finally there. And other than NaNoWriMo, which saw another go through the mill, I’m still writing a few pages a night, and another two that I have been working on here and there are now ready for the first edit.

This has all happened to the detriment of my episodic stories, which have lain idle for almost a year, but in recent weeks I picked up one or two and wrote two or three more episodes, just to keep it ticking over.  Another has five episodes, and I hope to publish them soon.  The last I’ve finally finished, and I am feeling pleased with myself.  My editor has it now.

Something else that pleases me, and is entirely unexpected, is that I have sold several copies of my books in the last few months or so.  I know I’m not about to be vying for the top of the bestseller list, but it’s still satisfying.

Top 5 sights on the road less travelled – Warsaw

Beyond the Big Five: Warsaw’s Hidden Gems That Will Captivate You (Without the Crowds)

Warsaw is a city that whispers tales of resilience and rebirth, and while the Royal Castle and the Old Town Market Square rightfully draw admirers, there’s a magic to be found in its less-trodden paths. If you’re looking to experience the true soul of the Polish capital without battling a sea of selfie sticks, then this list is for you. Forget the predictable queues; we’re diving into Warsaw’s top five tourist attractions that boast distinctive charm and a serene atmosphere.

Here are five must-visit spots that offer a unique perspective on Warsaw, perfect for the discerning traveller:

1. The Palace of Culture and Science – The Observatory Deck (and beyond!)

Yes, the Palace of Culture and Science is a prominent landmark, but many visitors only see its imposing exterior. The real magic for those seeking fewer crowds lies in its observatory deck on the 30th floor. While it’s a known spot, it rarely experiences the overwhelming throngs of other city viewpoints. The 360-degree panorama of Warsaw from here is breathtaking, particularly at sunset when the city lights begin to twinkle.

Why it’s distinctive: It’s not just the view; it’s the architectural style (a controversial “gift” from the Soviet Union) and the sheer scale of the building that make it a talking point. Venture beyond the deck, and you’ll find cinema complexes, theatres, and museums within its walls, offering a glimpse into Warsaw’s cultural heart without the typical tourist hustle.

2. POLIN Museum of the History of Polish Jews – Immersive Storytelling

While gaining well-deserved recognition, the POLIN Museum is often overlooked by those solely focused on pre-war history. This isn’t just a museum; it’s an immersive journey through a thousand years of Jewish life in Poland. Through stunning architectural design and innovative exhibits, you’ll walk through recreated historical spaces, interact with multimedia displays, and gain a profound understanding of a community that shaped Polish heritage.

Why it’s distinctive: The sheer scale and ambition of its narrative, covering centuries of history, art, and culture. It’s a space that educates, inspires, and often deeply moves visitors. The building itself is a masterpiece, representing a modern interpretation of Jewish heritage.

3. Łazienki Park – Royal Retreat and Artistic Haven

Łazienki Park is Warsaw’s largest green space, and while it’s a popular spot for locals, it rarely feels overrun by tourists. This 18th-century royal complex is a tranquil oasis, featuring opulent palaces, charming gardens, and an amphitheatre. The iconic Palace on the Isle, perched on a picturesque lake, is a sight to behold. You might even spot some resident peacocks strutting their stuff!

Why it’s distinctive: It’s a harmonious blend of natural beauty and neoclassical architecture. Unlike meticulously manicured gardens, Łazienki Park feels like a truly lived-in royal retreat. The open-air Chopin concerts held here in the summer (check schedules!) are a truly magical experience, usually with plenty of space to spread out.

4. The Neon Museum – A Vibrant Flashback

Step into a world of glowing colours and retro charm at the Neon Museum. This unique institution showcases remnants of the Cold War era’s communist-era neon signs, meticulously restored and displayed within a former factory. It’s a visually striking and surprisingly poignant collection that tells a story of Polish urbanism and design during a specific historical period.

Why it’s distinctive: It’s an unconventional museum dedicated to a specific, visually captivating art form. The sheer density of vibrant, luminous signs creates an unforgettable atmosphere. It’s a photographer’s dream and a fascinating glimpse into a bygone era of Polish advertising and urban character.

5. Praga District – The Authentic “Wild East”

For a truly authentic Warsaw experience, venture across the Vistula River to the Praga district. Once considered the “wild east” of Warsaw, Praga has retained much of its pre-war architectural character, with crumbling facades, hidden courtyards, and a distinct bohemian vibe. It’s a stark contrast to the meticulously reconstructed Old Town and offers a more raw, gritty, and intriguing side of the city.

Why it’s distinctive: It’s a living testament to Warsaw’s pre-war past, defying the city’s narrative of complete destruction and reconstruction. Explore its intricate street art, independent galleries, and charming cafes for a taste of Warsaw’s evolving artistic scene. Take a guided walking tour to truly appreciate the hidden stories etched into its buildings.

So, next time you find yourself in Warsaw, dare to stray from the beaten path. These five attractions offer not just unique sights, but also a chance to connect with the city’s diverse history, vibrant culture, and captivating spirit, all without the overwhelming crowds. Happy exploring!

The story behind the story – Echoes from the Past

The novel ‘Echoes from the past’ started out as a short story I wrote about 30 years ago, titled ‘The birthday’.

My idea was to take a normal person out of their comfort zone and led on a short but very frightening journey to a place where a surprise birthday party had been arranged.

Thus the very large man with a scar and a red tie was created.

So was the friend with the limousine who worked as a pilot.

So were the two women, Wendy and Angelina, who were Flight Attendants that the pilot friend asked to join the conspiracy.

I was going to rework the short story, then about ten pages long, into something a little more.

And like all re-writes, especially those I have anything to do with, it turned into a novel.

There was motivation.  I had told some colleagues at the place where I worked at the time that I liked writing, and they wanted a sample.  I was going to give them the re-worked short story.  Instead, I gave them ‘Echoes from the past’

Originally it was not set anywhere in particular.

But when considering a location, I had, at the time, recently been to New York in December, and visited Brooklyn and Queens, as well as a lot of New York itself.  We were there for New Years, and it was an experience I’ll never forget.

One evening we were out late, and finished up in Brooklyn Heights, near the waterfront, and there was rain and snow, it was cold and wet, and there were apartment buildings shimmering in the street light, and I thought, this is the place where my main character will live.

It had a very spooky atmosphere, the sort where ghosts would not be unexpected.  I felt more than one shiver go up and down my spine in the few minutes I was there.

I had taken notes, as I always do, of everywhere we went so I had a ready supply of locations I could use, changing the names in some cases.

Fifth Avenue near the Rockefeller center is amazing at first light, and late at night with the Seasonal decorations and lights.

The original main character was a shy and man of few friends, hence not expecting the surprise party.  I enhanced that shyness into purposely lonely because of an issue from his past that leaves him always looking over his shoulder and ready to move on at the slightest hint of trouble.  No friends, no relationships, just a very low profile.

Then I thought, what if he breaks the cardinal rule, and begins a relationship?

But it is also as much an exploration of a damaged soul, as it is the search for a normal life, without having any idea what normal was, and how the understanding of one person can sometimes make all the difference in what we may think or feel.

And, of course, I wanted a happy ending.

Except for the bad guys.

Get it here:  https://amzn.to/2CYKxu4

newechocover5rs

Writing a book in 365 days – 307

Day 307

What can be explained is not poetry

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The Unexplainable Truth: Why Yeats Said ‘What Can Be Explained Is Not Poetry’

W.B. Yeats, the towering figure of Irish literature and a Nobel laureate, often seemed to speak in riddles that contained profound universal truths. One such truth, delivered not from a stage but in a quiet moment with his son, Michael, cuts directly to the soul of creativity:

“What can be explained is not poetry.”

This deceptively simple statement is not merely a critique of literary analysis; it is a philosophy of art, a defence of mystery, and a guide for how we must approach the most cherished parts of our existence.

If poetry is built from words—the very tools of explanation—how can the final product simultaneously resist understanding? The answer lies in the fundamental difference between information and resonance.

1. The Reductionist Trap: Explanation as Destruction

When Yeats dismisses explanation, he is pushing back against the modern impulse to dissect, categorise, and summarise. Explanation seeks clarity, certainty, and a definitive endpoint. It wants to give you the meaning in a neat bullet point.

But for the poet, this act of definition is fatal.

Think of a poem like Yeats’s own “The Second Coming.” If you were asked to explain it, you might say: “It is about the breakdown of societal order, historical cycles, and the fear of a looming, savage future.” This is factually correct. But by the time you have finished this explanation, the poem itself—the terrifying rhythm, the shocking image of the “blood-dimmed tide,” the sheer visceral dread of the “rough beast, its hour come round at last”—has completely evaporated.

The Elements That Resist Explanation:

  • Rhythm and Sound: Poetry operates on the level of music. You can explain the notes on a score, but you cannot explain the feeling of the music’s vibration in your chest.
  • Ambiguity: A great poem holds multiple, often contradictory, truths simultaneously. Explanation forces a choice, killing the rich tension that gives the poem its power.
  • The Ineffable: Poetry deals in the realm of the subconscious, the spiritual, and the deeply felt human condition—areas that words can only point toward, never fully capture.

As the great poet Archibald MacLeish wrote, “A poem should not mean / But be.” If you can swap a poem for a paragraph of summarised meaning without losing anything vital, it was never truly poetry to begin with.

2. The Domain of True Art: Mystery and Aura

If explanation is the enemy, what elevates language into poetry? It is the successful creation of Aura—that inexplicable shimmer of authenticity and power surrounding a work of art.

Poetry, painting, and music—when successful—establish an immediate, emotional connection that bypasses the logical mind. They don’t give us facts; they provide us with an experience of being human.

A true poem resonates because it touches a nerve we didn’t know existed. It uses familiar words in unfamiliar arrangements that create a shock of recognition: Ah, yes, I have felt that thing, though I lacked the words for it.

This resonance cannot be taught, explained, or quantified. It is a mystery that the poet labors to create, and a mystery the reader must consent to receive. The poem’s job is to compel you to stop asking why and simply start feeling.

Art as a Sacred Language

For Yeats, an artist and a mystic, poetry was a sacred endeavour that tapped into universal symbols and mythic memory. This is why his poems are so dense with swans, spirals, gyres, and masks. These are not symbols to be easily decoded; they are portals meant to shift the reader’s consciousness.

To demand an explanation of a spiritual experience is to completely misunderstand the nature of the sacred. Yeats viewed poetry in the same light.

3. Beyond the Poem: Embracing the Unexplained Life

Yeats’s dictum is not just a lesson for the classroom; it is a profound commentary on how we live. The things we value most highly in life are often the things that defy bullet points and clear definitions.

If we can fully explain something, we often lose our sense of wonder for it. The minute we treat life as a logical equation, we forfeit the magic.

Love, Grief, and Beauty

Consider the deepest human experiences:

  1. Love: Can you truly explain why you love a particular person? You can list their qualities (kindness, intelligence), but those are merely the ingredients. The love itself—the specific, irrational, overwhelming devotion—is the chemical reaction that cannot be explained. If it could, it would be a transaction, not love.
  2. Beauty: Why is a specific sunset breathtaking? You can explain the atmospheric condition, the refraction of light, and the Rayleigh scattering effect. But none of that science touches the awe you feel when watching the sky turn orange.
  3. Grief: Grief is not a set of stages to be rationally completed; it is a primal force that washes over you. No explanation can contain the depth of loss.

These are the poetic aspects of life. They are what make living rich, maddening, and profoundly meaningful. They require us to accept ambiguity and to tolerate the fact that the most important truths lie just beyond the reach of language.

The Call to Wonder

Yeats’s quiet lesson to his son remains a powerful challenge to us today: In an age where every phenomenon is instantly broken down by algorithms and summarised in 280 characters, are we losing our capacity for wonder?

If we insist on explaining everything, we risk reducing the rich tapestry of existence to a dry instruction manual.

True poetry—in literature and in life—requires us to put down the defining pencil, step away from the summary, and simply stand in the presence of the powerful, beautiful, bewildering thing that is.

The challenge of the reader, the lover, and the appreciative human being is to honour the mystery that remains when all the explanations have failed.

What truths in your life have you accepted as unexplainable? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

The first case of PI Walthenson – “A Case of Working With the Jones Brothers”

This case has everything, red herrings, jealous brothers, femme fatales, and at the heart of it all, greed.

See below for an excerpt from the book…

Coming soon!

PIWalthJones1

An excerpt from the book:

When Harry took the time to consider his position, a rather uncomfortable position at that, he concluded that he was somehow involved in another case that meant very little to him.

Not that it wasn’t important in some way he was yet to determine, it was just that his curiosity had got the better of him, and it had led to this: sitting in a chair, securely bound, waiting for someone one of his captors had called Doug.

It was not the name that worried him so much, it was the evil laugh that had come after the name was spoken.

Doug what? Doug the ‘destroyer’, Doug the ‘dangerous’, Doug the ‘deadly’; there was any number of sinister connotations, and perhaps that was the point of the laugh, to make it more frightening than it was.

But there was no doubt about one thing in his mind right then: he’d made a mistake. A very big. and costly, mistake. Just how big the cost, no doubt he would soon find out.

His mother, and his grandmother, the wisest person he had ever known, had once told him never to eavesdrop.

At the time he couldn’t help himself and instead of minding his own business, listening to a one-sided conversation which ended with a time and a place. The very nature of the person receiving the call was, at the very least, sinister, and, because of the cryptic conversation, there appeared to be, or at least to Harry, criminal activity involved.

For several days he had wrestled with the thought of whether he should go. Stay on the fringe, keep out of sight, observe and report to the police if it was a crime. Instead, he had willingly gone down the rabbit hole.

Now, sitting in an uncomfortable chair, several heat lamps hanging over his head, he was perspiring, and if perspiration could be used as a measure of fear, then Harry’s fear was at the highest level.

Another runnel of sweat rolled into his left eye, and, having his hands tied, literally, it made it impossible to clear it. The burning sensation momentarily took his mind off his predicament. He cursed and then shook his head trying to prevent a re-occurrence. It was to no avail.

Let the stinging sensation be a reminder of what was right and what was wrong.

It was obvious that it was the right place and the right time, but in considering his current perilous situation, it definitely was the wrong place to be, at the worst possible time.

It was meant to be his escape, an escape from the generations of lawyers, what were to Harry, dry, dusty men who had been in business since George Washington said to the first Walthenson to step foot on American soil, ‘Why don’t you become a lawyer?” when asked what he could do for the great man.

Or so it was handed down as lore, though Harry didn’t think Washington meant it literally, the Walthenson’s, then as now, were not shy of taking advice.

Except, of course, when it came to Harry.

He was, Harry’s father was prone to saying, the exception to every rule. Harry guessed his father was referring to the fact his son wanted to be a Private Detective rather than a dry, dusty lawyer. Just the clothes were enough to turn Harry off the profession.

So, with a little of the money Harry inherited from one of his aunts, he leased an office in Gramercy Park and had it renovated to look like the Sam Spade detective agency, you know the one, Spade and Archer, and The Maltese Falcon.

There’s a movie and a book by Dashiell Hammett if you’re interested.

So, there it was, painted on the opaque glass inset of the front door, ‘Harold Walthenson, Private Detective’.

There was enough money to hire an assistant, and it took a week before the right person came along, or, more to the point, didn’t just see his business plan as something sinister. Ellen, a tall cool woman in a long black dress, or so the words of a song in his head told him, fitted in perfectly.

She’d seen the movie, but she said with a grin, Harry was no Humphrey Bogart.

Of course not, he said, he didn’t smoke.

Three months on the job, and it had been a few calls, no ‘real’ cases, nothing but missing animals, and other miscellaneous items. What he really wanted was a missing person. Or perhaps a beguiling, sophisticated woman who was as deadly as she was charming, looking for an errant husband, perhaps one that she had already ‘dispatched’.

Or for a tall, dark and handsome foreigner who spoke in riddles and in heavily accented English, a spy, or perhaps an assassin, in town to take out the mayor. The man was such an imbecile Harry had considered doing it himself.

Now, in a back room of a disused warehouse, that wishful thinking might be just about to come to a very abrupt end, with none of the romanticized trappings of the business befalling him. No beguiling women, no sinister criminals, no stupid policemen.

Just a nasty little man whose only concern was how quickly or how slowly Harry’s end was going to be.

…

© Charles Heath 2019-2024

‘Sunday in New York’ – A beta reader’s view

I’m not a fan of romance novels but …

There was something about this one that resonated with me.

This is a novel about a world generally ruled by perception, and how people perceive what they see, what they are told, and what they want to believe.

I’ve been guilty of it myself as I’m sure we all have at one time or another.

For the main characters Harry and Alison there are other issues driving their relationship.

For Alison, it is a loss of self-worth through losing her job and from losing her mother and, in a sense, her sister.

For Harry, it is the fact he has a beautiful and desirable wife, and his belief she is the object of other men’s desires, and one in particular, his immediate superior.

Between observation, the less than honest motives of his friends, a lot of jumping to conclusions based on very little fact, and you have the basis of one very interesting story.

When it all comes to a head, Alison finds herself in a desperate situation, she realises only the truth will save their marriage.

But is it all the truth?

What would we do in similar circumstances?

Rarely does a book have me so enthralled that I could not put it down until I knew the result. They might be considered two people who should have known better, but as is often the case, they had to get past what they both thought was the truth.

And the moral of this story, if it could be said there is one, nothing is ever what it seems.

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Available on Amazon here: amzn.to/2H7ALs8

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NANOWRIMO – November 2025 – Day 19

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The Third Son of a Duke

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Unless we come from small towns, how much can we know about the big cities, and living in the outer suburbs?

In my day, living in the city, the inner suburbs cost too much, which is why families found themselves on the fringe of the city.

Of course, the differences between Australia and England are stark, and it has taken a lot of reading to get up to speed.

Just when our protagonist is leaving Australia to go back home.

I wondered if I might put him on a ship that was sunk by the Germans, but the Orontes made it back in one piece.

Various diaries have information about the voyage home, and particularly from Colombo, then Aden to take on coal, then back through the Red Sea, Suez, and the canal.

There are points along the way where the guns from the Dardanelles can be heard.  There is a stop at Alexandria for the service personnel we ll to disembark.

Our chap is considering not going home but disembarking in Port Said and making his way to Cairo, where he will find out how to enlist in the British army, which has training camps in Egypt.

Then there’s that desire to see Louise and surprise her.

I’m thinking a letter will be awaiting delivery to our protagonist from his father in Aden.  In it will be instructions.

What will those instructions be?

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1880 words, for a total of 30965 words.

Writing about writing a book – Research

Day 25 – Digging deeper into the psyche of both the protagonist and his friend, both seemingly casualties of the war, one disassociative, the other having buried relevant memories that are connected to his current circumstances.

We’ll start with the protagonist, and how he got to this point, and this research I should have done a while back, and had to a certain extent, but this now clarifies, at least in my min,d why he is this way now

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The Unburial of Nightmares: Neurobiological Catastrophe, Iatrogenic Retrieval, and the Crisis of Post-Dissociative Stability

Abstract

This paper explores a specific, highly acute mechanism of traumatic memory retrieval: the sudden unearthing of deeply buried, dissociated memories (often termed “repressed memories”) triggered by the synergistic shock of severe physical trauma (e.g., a gunshot wound) and the administration of potent psychoactive analgesics. While the strict concept of Freudian repression remains contested, modern trauma theory utilises the framework of Dissociative Amnesia to explain the compartmentalisation of traumatic data. This extreme retrieval event, characterised by sudden memory flooding, collapses decades of psychological defence, plunging the individual into an acute crisis of identity and reality. The central focus of this analysis is the subsequent psychological effort required—the processes of containment, integration, and therapeutic intervention—necessary for the individual to navigate this catastrophic cognitive shift and regain psychological stability, or “sanity.” We argue that stability is achieved not through re-repression, but through structured, trauma-informed integration that scaffolds the shattered self.

1. Introduction: The Cartography of Buried Memory

The nature of extreme traumatic memory—whether it is actively repressed, poorly encoded, or passively forgotten—has been a central, often contentious, topic in psychology, law, and neuroscience for decades (Loftus & Ketcham, 1994; Van der Kolk, 2014). While forensic debates caution against the spontaneous recovery of “false memories,” clinical literature consistently supports the existence of Dissociative Amnesia (DSM-5), where memories of severe, life-threatening experiences are segmented, unintegrated, and inaccessible to conscious recall due to overwhelming emotional load.

This paper addresses a critical scenario: the sudden, non-volitional retrieval of such dark, previously compartmentalised material. We hypothesise a specific trigger pathway:

  1. Severe Physical Trauma: The overwhelming stressor (e.g., being shot) floods the system with catecholamines, shattering existing coping mechanisms.
  2. Iatrogenic Catalyst: The administration of strong psychoactive drugs (e.g., dissociative anesthetics or potent opioids) alters the neurobiological state, disrupting the usual filtering mechanisms of the prefrontal cortex (PFC), thereby granting access to state-dependent memory fragments.

The resulting memory retrieval is not gradual introspection but a catastrophic memory flood, instantly replacing the current reality with the original trauma. The subsequent challenge is monumental: how can the individual maintain psychological integrity when the foundational structure of their self-narrative collapses?

2. Theoretical Foundations: Dissociation, Encoding, and State-Dependent Retrieval

2.1 The Repression-Dissociation Continuum

The traditional Freudian concept of “repression” implies an active, unconscious defence mechanism pushing unacceptable material out of awareness. In modern trauma psychology, dissociation provides a more precise neurobiological explanation. Dissociation, as described by Pierre Janet and later expanded upon by figures like Bessel van der Kolk (2014), involves the fragmentation of the traumatic experience. Instead of being stored as a coherent autobiographical narrative, the memory is stored as raw sensory fragments (images, smells, somatic sensations) in the primitive brain structures (amygdala). These fragments remain separate from the conscious self-system, resulting in amnesia.

2.2 Neurobiology of Traumatic Encoding

When trauma occurs, the high levels of stress hormones (cortisol, adrenaline) inhibit the hippocampus, the brain structure crucial for dating and contextualising memory. The amygdala, responsible for emotional salience and fear responses, remains highly active. This imbalance ensures the memory is encoded powerfully but fragmentarily—a raw sensory footprint lacking narrative context (LeDoux, 2000). The PFC, the executive control centre responsible for memory retrieval, actively suppresses these fragments to maintain daily functioning. This suppression is the neurobiological “burial.”

2.3 State-Dependent Memory and Pharmacological Triggers

Memories are often tied to the physiological and psychological state in which they were encoded. State-dependent memory suggests that retrieval is easiest when the retrieval state matches the encoding state. The acute trauma-analgesia scenario creates a perfect storm for accessing deep trauma:

  1. High Arousal/Pain State: The initial trauma (getting shot) mimics the extreme stress and life threat of the original trauma, lowering the threshold for retrieval.
  2. Pharmacological Alteration: Drugs, particularly powerful synthetic opioids (e.g., Fentanyl, Morphine) or dissociative anesthetics (e.g., Ketamine), drastically alter consciousness and inhibit the PFC’s filtering function. Ketamine, for instance, acts on NMDA receptors, fundamentally altering sensory and cognitive processing, often leading to profound, non-ordinary states of consciousness where psychological defences are temporarily deactivated (Krystal et al., 1994). This unique, highly altered state acts like a master key, bypassing the long-established neurological firewall and instantly accessing the fragmented traumatic material.

3. The Catastrophic Retrieval: Acute Memory Flooding

When the repressed material is accessed under these extreme conditions, the experience is described clinically as a memory flood or abreaction—a sudden, overwhelming confrontation with the past, entirely divorced from the protective therapeutic setting.

3.1 Collapse of the Self-Structure

The primary consequence of memory flooding is the immediate and profound destabilisation of the individual’s constructed identity. The personality framework may have been built entirely around the absence of this memory. The sudden introduction of dark, overwhelming data challenges the core schemas of safety, self-worth, and reality. The individual experiences acute symptoms of depersonalization (feeling detached from oneself) and derealization (feeling detached from reality), often coupled with flashbacks characterised by full sensorium immersion, believing they are reliving the original horror (Van der Kolk, 2014).

3.2 The Trauma of Retrieval

The retrieval itself becomes a secondary trauma. The individual is simultaneously experiencing:

  1. The acute physical pain and life threat of the present (the gunshot wound).
  2. The terror, pain, and helplessness of the original, long-ago event.
  3. The dissociative confusion is induced by the powerful analgesics.

This confluence creates an acute psychological crisis far exceeding the typical presentation of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), often manifesting as acute, protracted, psychotic-like states or severe fugue episodes. The memory is so dark—so overwhelming in its implications—that the immediate, unconscious imperative is often psychological obliteration or a return to global amnesia.

4. Pathways to Psychological Stability: Navigating the Crisis

The challenge of maintaining “sanity” post-flooding is not one of mere adjustment, but of rebuilding the personality structure from the ground up while simultaneously managing an existential crisis. Stability is achieved through rigorous containment, psychoeducation, and gradual integration.

4.1 Immediate Containment and Stabilisation

In the acute phase (hospital recovery), the priority is stabilisation and grounding, not processing. The individual must be protected from the desire to re-repress or self-harm.

  • Pharmacological Management: Careful titration of analgesics and withdrawal from dissociative agents is critical. Anxiolytics and short-term atypical antipsychotics may be used temporarily to manage acute hyperarousal, paranoia, and fragmented thinking caused by the memory flood.
  • Psychoeducation: The individual must be quickly educated on the neurobiology of trauma and dissociation. Understanding that the memory is an event from the past, rather than a current reality, helps manage the profound sense of fragmentation and shame.
  • Safety and Boundaries: Establishing a secure, predictable environment (both physically and relationally) counteracts the catastrophic loss of control inherent in both the current trauma and the original repressed event.

4.2 Therapeutic Integration: The Necessity of Scaffolding

Psychological recovery requires abandoning the previous life structure built on denial and moving toward integration, a process that is often nonlinear and agonising.

A. Phase-Oriented Treatment

Effective treatment follows Judith Herman’s three-stage model (1992):

  1. Safety and Stabilisation: Focusing on emotional regulation, grounding techniques, and managing daily life before delving into the trauma content.
  2. Remembrance and Mourning: Gradually processing the fragmented memories in a controlled, therapeutic environment (often using techniques like Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing – EMDR or Cognitive Processing Therapy – CPT). This requires confronting the memory without becoming overwhelmed.
  3. Reconnection: Re-engaging with life, finding meaning, and establishing a new, coherent biographical narrative that incorporates the dark event.

B. The Role of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)

For individuals experiencing extreme emotional dysregulation and dissociation post-flooding, DBT skills—specifically mindfulness, emotional regulation, and distress tolerance—are invaluable tools for preventing a relapse into severe destabilisation. These techniques provide the concrete, present-focused skills necessary to contain the constant threat of fragmentation posed by the unearthed memories.

4.3 Resilience and Meaning-Making

Ultimately, “sanity” post-trauma is defined by psychological resilience—the ability to adapt positively to adverse circumstances. For memories so dark they “should have been left there,” the individual must engage in a profound shift toward meaning-making. This often involves:

  • Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG): Finding ways to use the survival of the original event and the subsequent unearthing as a source of strength, greater appreciation for life, or a renewed sense of purpose (Tedeschi & Calhoun, 1996).
  • Separation of Self and Event: Recognising that while the terrible event happened to them, it does not define who they are. This requires moving from the victim role to the survivor role, acknowledging the profound suffering without allowing the trauma narrative to consume the present identity.

5. Conclusion

The forced retrieval of deeply dissociated memories via acute trauma and pharmacological intervention represents a complex neurobiological catastrophe. The resulting memory flood instantly dismantles the individual’s long-standing defences, forcing a confrontation with overwhelming darkness. Maintaining psychological stability in this landscape requires rigorous, phase-oriented trauma therapy centred on containment, psychoeducation, and the gradual integration of the fragmented self.

The individual keeps sane not by successfully burying the memories again, but by utilising therapeutic scaffolding to build a new self-structure robust enough to hold the horrific reality of the past without collapsing in the present. The journey from fragmentation to integration is long and fraught, but it is the dedicated effort to synthesise the formerly unspeakable into a coherent life narrative that defines true psychological resilience and survival.

The cinema of my dreams – I never wanted to go to Africa – Episode 42

Our hero knows he’s in serious trouble.

The problem is, there are familiar faces and a question of who is a friend and who is foe made all the more difficult because of the enemy, if it was the enemy, simply because it didn’t look or sound or act like the enemy.

Now, it appears, his problems stem from another operation he participated in, and because of it, he has now been roped into what might be called a suicide mission.

I was not sure how the Congo commander was going to react when four cars with people who looked more like mercenaries than a film crew turned up at the front gate.

Not that we had the film equipment to use as a cover. I guess that was the reason the kidnappers had removed it from our cars. One less reason to believe our story. I would have been curious to hear just how the commander had described us to his Congo counterpart.

Or what sort of treatment we were going to get. I don’t think the hostages were going to like the idea of becoming hostages again, albeit with a new set of ransom demands, and probably a lot of harsher treatment. Mercenaries could be rough, but they needed resources, and trying to negotiate with overly damaged goods wouldn’t set much of an example.

The Government military, on the other hand, would not be too particular. And capturing an invading enemy force, spies if you will, well, that was going to be a feather in the cap of the airfield commander.

But would he tip his hand at the gate or wait till we pulled up outside the headquarters building. If there was one.

We were about to find out. The gate was in sight and flanked by two very bright lights which we had all seen for about the last half mile, flickering through the undergrowth. The road was well made, and we would have made good time, but I deliberately slowed down to give Monroe time to get into place.

Another brief report from the Colonel told me they reckoned on 20 troops deployed at different parts of the field, just in case we decided to ‘sneak’ in on foot.

At the gate the road widened into a large turning circle for turning back cars.

I stopped right on top of the gate. A non-commissioned officer came out of a small shack by the gate and joined two men standing either side of the gate. Weapons weren’t pointed in our direction, but that could change quickly.

I was going with the film crew going home story first.

“Who are you?” I noticed the officer had a clipboard and made a show of looking at it, and the page underneath. “You are not on my list.”

“Probably not. We have been filming a documentary, and it’s time to go home. We have an aircraft coming in tomorrow morning to pick us up.”

One of the guards came through the gate and went down one side of each car, then came back up the other side, peering in through the windows. Back at the gate, he spoke to the officer.

“You have weapons. That is unusual for a film crew isn’t it?”

Highly, if we were anywhere else in the world. “We were warned about militias. Luckily we didn’t run into any.”

“Then, before you enter the airfield I suggest you, and your men, surrender any weapons.”

“Of course.” I relayed the instruction back through the cars. The soldier then came down the car and collected the weapons in a bag. As I’d assumed, we were not going to gain admission to the airstrip armed. It was probably also a law which in any country made perfect sense.

Once the soldier returned the officer had the gate opened, and came over to me.

“Fill in the form, and we’ll get you on your way soon enough.”

He handed me the clipboard, and then stepped away, taking out a radio unit of his own and spoke into it in a language I didn’t understand. Perhaps we should have kept Jacobi with us for a little longer so he could interpret.

When I filled out the form and handed it back, he said, “Drive up the road about a half-mile to a hanger and park your cars out the front. I suggest when getting out of the cars not to make any sudden or suspicious moves.”

Like we’d been told almost word for word back at the commander’s camp. Interesting.

The men at the gate didn’t follow us, but I did see, coming from two separate points back from the runway, or what looked to be the runway, two groups of five soldiers in each, in a proper formation. That was not the actions of a motley militia.

Serious soldiers perhaps.

It didn’t take long to reach the hanger, quite large, but in a sorry state of repair. Beside it was two old army huts that were in better repair and lit up. At the top of the steps of one stood the commander, a Captain. Clean, fresh, snug-fitting uniform, looking the part. Newly promoted, with something to prove.

With him were another six soldiers, armed and ready. That made 16 plus him. Where were the others?

Another non-commissioned officer came out of the hut and briefly spoke to his commander. Then he went back inside, and the commander came down the stairs to greet me. The rest of the team stood together, in front of the third car, and about 20 feet away. They were trying their best to cover the two hostages.

“Good evening Mr. James.” Reasonably good English, polite, but there was a slight edge to his tone.

“Good evening.”

“May I ask, which way do you come?”

“From Faradje, on the way to Nagero. I was going to drive into Nagero but changed my mind. Best to get here and be ready.”

“I heard there were some elements of the militia on the road. Did you meet any?”

“No. I was told that this country is quite safe and that we would not be harmed, thanks, I’m told to the good services of the Government’s military. You will be pleased to learn that it is quite safe, a point I will be spreading when I return home. Hopefully that will bring in more tourists.”

“If, as you say, you’ve been making a documentary, it seems odd to me that on one hand, you don’t have any equipment, and on the other, that you have not included Garamba.”

“A valid observation. We had to call the shooting off because two of our crew are ill and need to be returned home, and we left the equipment back in Faradje, our last stop, ready for the replacement crew who will be scheduled to fly in, in the next week or so.”

I had considered what I might say and tried to make it sound plausible, but in the end I don’t think it mattered what I said, especially if the other commander had forewarned the Captain of our impending arrival.

“Yes. That may be true, or it might not. I’m assuming the two sick members of your team are over next to the film crew. In that case, I believe both of us know that those men do not belong to your crew, but are escaped prisoners.”

He gestured towards his men and they went over to the group and extracted the two hostages.

Seemingly it was game over.

“So Commander Ntumba called you after we left?”

“Not a lot happens here without my knowing it. It was in his best interest to inform me.”

Something in the distance caught his eye, and I moved my line of sight to match his. Shurl, hands in the air, with two more soldiers behind him, coming from the bush line on the other side of the runway.

Commander Ntumba would also have told him about our sniper, as I’d surmised, and there was no mistaking the look of glee on his face. Outsmarting what he would consider a crack team of mercenaries from the United States.

I turned back and shrugged.

“Yes, he also told us about your sniper Mr. James. You didn’t think he was going to sneak up on us like he did Commander Ntumba did you?”

“It was worth a try,” I said in my best-defeated tone.

“Right. For the time being you will be kept in detention until I speak to my commander. You will not be leaving this airport. Your rescue plane, when it arrives, will be detained. I will have further questions for you later. Film crew indeed. Take them to B Block,” he said to the officer, then headed back up the stairs to his office.

As far as he was concerned, it had been all too easy.

© Charles Heath 2020

What I learned about writing – 306/306

Running the beta reader gauntlet – what to change and what not to…

…

The Beta Feedback Gauntlet: Taming Your Ego and Choosing Your Critics

You’ve done it. You reached The End.

After months (or years) in the writing cave, fueled by caffeine and sheer willpower, you finally sent your prized manuscript out into the wild. You waited for the champagne feeling to settle, and then—the emails started trickling back in.

This is the moment every writer both craves and dreads. Feedback is the necessary acid bath that turns a rough stone into a polished gem. But when you open those documents filled with tracked changes and margins plastered with notes like “Confusing,” “Pacing slow,” or “Didn’t connect with this character,” the defenses snap into place.

Suddenly, the voice in your head screams: “My work is a masterpiece! What do these amateurs know?”

Welcome to the Beta Feedback Gauntlet—the ultimate test of a writer’s maturity. The challenge isn’t just getting feedback; it’s discerning whose voices to heed and how to shake that reflexive, stubborn refusal to listen.

1. Confronting the Masterpiece Delusion

The belief that your just-finished draft is perfect is natural. It’s a necessary psychological mechanism that allows you to finish the book in the first place. But that mindset is lethal in the revision stage.

If you are struggling with the feeling that your betas “just don’t get it,” remind yourself of this fundamental truth: You are too close to the work to see it objectively.

Your beta readers are your first genuine audience. They are experiencing the story for the first time, free from the context of the 80 notebooks, the frantic deleted scenes, and the emotional labour you poured into every sentence.

When you feel that throe of superiority, take a breath and reframe the goal: I am not looking for validation; I am looking for clarity.

2. The Hierarchy of Heeding: Who to Listen To

Once you’ve accepted that revisions are necessary, the strategic challenge remains: How do you prioritise conflicting advice? Not all feedback is created equal.

The key to navigating the notes is understanding the difference between A diagnosis (what is broken) and A prescription (how to fix it). Always trust the diagnosis, but treat the prescription as merely a suggestion.

A. The Weight of Recurring Advice

If one beta reader tells you your opening scene is slow, that’s interesting. If three beta readers tell you the opening scene is slow, you have a problem with the opening scene.

This is the golden rule of feedback: Recurring notes always signal a systemic issue.

It doesn’t matter if you disagree with the specific language used (e.g., one says “the protagonist is whiny,” another says “I didn’t root for her”), the underlying diagnosis is the same: the protagonist’s presentation or motives are failing to land with the reader.

Action Item: Use a spreadsheet or a separate document to track recurring comments. If a point is raised by 30% or more of your readers, it must be addressed, regardless of your personal feelings.

B. The Shock of the Single Insight

While recurring comments are supreme, don’t dismiss the powerful, precise note that only one beta provides. This usually applies to:

  1. Genre Expectations: If one reader who specialises in your genre (e.g., a huge fan of dark fantasy) tells you that the magic system doesn’t make sense, heed them. They speak for a crucial segment of your market.
  2. Structural Integrity: Sometimes, one sharp-eyed reader catches a massive plot hole or a continuity error that everyone else missed because they were swept up in the story. This single note can save the entire manuscript.

If a single comment causes your stomach to clench and you immediately think, “Oh, they found the weak spot I tried to hide,” that note is often more valuable than twenty comments on typos.

C. Listening to the ‘Wrong’ Reader

One of the greatest mistakes a writer makes is only giving their work to other writers. While writer betas are useful for craft notes, you also need readers who are simply fans of the genre.

The non-writer reader is crucial because they don’t analyse; they read. They tell you when they got bored, when they stopped caring, or when a scene made them cry. They represent the market. If they struggled with the pacing, the pacing is probably the real problem, even if your writer friends told you the structure was brilliant.

3. Shaking the ‘I Refuse to Listen’ Attitude

That defensive, “I refuse to listen” attitude is a form of procrastination disguised as artistic integrity. To move past it, you need practical strategies for detachment.

1. Institute a 48-Hour Freeze

Never read feedback and start acting on it immediately. Your brain needs time to process the emotional shock. When the notes come in, read them quickly, close the document, and walk away. Go work out, cook dinner, or watch a bad movie.

The goal is to let the emotional heat dissipate so that when you sit down 48 hours later, you can approach the feedback as a detective solving a puzzle, not a defendant on trial.

2. Focus on the Effect, Not the Suggestion

When a beta reader gives a prescription—saying something like, “You should make the villain a woman instead of a man”—don’t focus on their suggested fix. Focus on the implied diagnosis.

  • Beta says: “I didn’t care about the villain’s motivation.”
  • The Problem: The motivation is weak.
  • Your Solution: Brainstorm five new motivations. Maybe one is a female character, but maybe another is a male character with a deeper backstory. You solve the problem without implementing the suggestion.

3. Seek the Root Cause

Often, a dozen different pieces of feedback point back to one central flaw.

  • Notes: “Dialogue is clunky,” “Pacing slows in the middle,” “I didn’t understand why they went to the abandoned factory,” “The stakes felt low.”
  • Root Cause: The protagonist lacks a clear, compelling goal that drives the entire second act.

When you find that single, vital root cause, the other twelve symptoms (clunky dialogue, weak pacing) often heal themselves once the main structural adjustment is made.

Feedback Is Fuel

Receiving beta feedback feels like a verdict, but it is actually a gift. It is the roadmap to the best possible version of your book.

Your job as a successful, professional writer is not to defend your work, but to elevate it. That means putting your ego aside and strategically choosing which voices to heed. Trust the patterns, focus on the reader’s experience, and remember: Every great masterpiece started as a messy draft that stubbornly resisted the first round of changes.