365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 222

Day 222 – From a wish to ambition

The Birth of a Writer: At What Age Does the Inherent Desire to Write Actually Begin?

Every author has an origin story. Long before the book deals, the midnight editing sessions, and the sacred mug of cold coffee on the desk, there was a spark. A quiet, persistent urge that whispered, Put pen to paper. Tell a story.

But when does that inherent desire to write actually begin?

Is it during the wide-eyed pre-teen years, when the magic of chapter books first captures your imagination? Does it ignite in the turbulent, emotionally charged teenage years, fueled by first loves and heartbreak? Or does it wait patiently until adulthood, when real-world experience, careers, and hardships finally grant you the insight to understand the human condition?

The truth is, the writing bug doesn’t have a single birthday. It visits us at different stages of life, transforming us in unique ways depending on when it decides to strike. Let’s explore the three distinct phases where the desire to write commonly takes root, and how each shapes the writer you become.


1. The Pre-Teen Wonder: When Magic Becomes a Blueprint

For many writers, the journey begins in childhood. Think back to the days of flashlight-under-the-covers reading, when the world of Narnia, Hogwarts, or Camp Half-Blood felt more real than your actual backyard.

During the pre-teen years, books are pure magic. But for future writers, reading is never just a passive activity. It’s an invitation.

  • The Inspiration: You finish a beloved book, close the back cover, and feel a sharp pang of grief because the story is over. Then comes the realisation: I can make my own world.
  • The Output: These early efforts are often messy, heavily derivative fan-fictions or tales of magical kingdoms featuring pets as protagonists, written in spiral-bound notebooks with gel pens.
  • The Impact: Starting young instils a sense of play and boundless imagination. Pre-teen writers learn early on that the page is a limitless sandbox. They write for the sheer joy of creation, long before the inner critic learns how to speak.

2. The Teenage Storm: When Emotion Demands an Outlet

If childhood writing is driven by imagination, teenage writing is driven by gasoline and matches.

The teen years are a whirlwind of firsts: first love, crushing rejection, identity crises, and a sudden, overwhelming awareness of the world outside oneself. For many, the inherent desire to write doesn’t come from a love of plotting; it comes from an urgent need to survive the emotional turbulence of growing up.

  • The Inspiration: Raw emotion. Whether it’s the dizzying high of a mutual crush or the devastating isolation of feeling misunderstood, life feels cinematic and high-stakes.
  • The Output: Poetry scrawled in the margins of algebra notebooks, angsty journal entries, and deeply emotional coming-of-age stories where the protagonists experience the exact emotional spectrum the author is currently navigating.
  • The Impact: Teenage writing teaches emotional honesty. It forces the writer to confront vulnerability and translate abstract feelings into concrete words. While these pieces might make you cringe a decade later, they build the vital muscle of emotional resonance.

3. The Adult Awakening: When Lived Experience Demands to Be Told

Not everyone catches the writing bug early. For many, the desire to write arrives much later in life—after years in the workforce, raising a family, navigating loss, or simply watching the world turn.

You might be sitting at a corporate desk, standing in your kitchen, or travelling the world when a sudden realisation hits: I have something to say.

  • The Inspiration: Perspective. Years of observing human behaviour, professional triumphs and failures, relationships that bloomed and withered, and the quiet resilience it takes to simply be an adult. You’ve seen how the world actually works, beyond the idealism of youth.
  • The Output: Rich, nuanced fiction with morally grey characters, reflective memoirs, deep non-fiction, or stories that explore the complexities of mid-life, grief, and reinvention.
  • The Impact: Adult-bloomed writers bring depth, pacing, and psychological realism to their work. They may lack the unbridled innocence of the pre-teen or the raw urgency of the teen, but they compensate with wisdom, patience, and a profound understanding of human motivation.

So, When Does It Truly Begin?

The beauty of the creative spirit is that it has no expiration date—and no single starting line.

  • If your journey started at age 10, your superpower is imagination.
  • If it started at age 15, your superpower is emotion.
  • If it started at age 40 (or 60, or 80), your superpower is perspective.

Ultimately, the inherent desire to write doesn’t belong to a specific age bracket. It belongs to the moment you decide that a story inside you deserves to exist outside of your head.

Whether you are dusting off a childhood dream, channelling current heartbreaks, or drawing from decades of life experience, the best time to start writing was yesterday. The second best time is right now.


When did the desire to write first strike you? Was it a childhood book, a teenage diary, or a later-in-life epiphany? Let us know in the comments below!

Coming soon – “Strangers We’ve Become”, the sequel to “What Sets Us Apart”

Stranger’s We’ve Become, a sequel to What Sets Us Apart.

The blurb:

Is she or isn’t she? That is the question!

Susan has returned to David, but he is having difficulty dealing with the changes. Her time in captivity has changed her markedly, so much so that David decides to give her some time and space to re-adjust to normal life.

But doubts about whether he chose the real Susan remain.

In the meantime, David has to deal with Susan’s new security chief, the discovery of her rebuilding a palace in Russia, evidence of an affair, and several attempts on his life. And, once again, David is drawn into another of Predergast’s games, one that could ultimately prove fatal.

From being reunited with the enigmatic Alisha, a strange visit to Susan’s country estate, to Russia and back, to a rescue mission in Nigeria, David soon discovers that those whom he thought he could trust each have their own agenda, one that apparently doesn’t include him.

The Cover:

strangerscover9

Coming soon

 

The cinema of my dreams – Was it just another surveillance job – Episode 11

I’m back home and this story has been sitting on a back burner for a few months, waiting for some more to be written.

The trouble is, there are also other stories to write, and I’m not very good at prioritising.

But, here we are, a few minutes opened up and it didn’t take long to get back into the groove.

Just the person to see next

 

I couldn’t imagine what those details were.  But if it was a setup, it was a very elaborate one, by people who knew our systems and procedures.  Naturally, the first thought that sprang to mind, someone who was working here, or used to.

Then I had another thought, what if none of us was meant to survive the operation, and hat we had been selected specifically because we were new to field operations.  At the briefing, we had been told this was simple surveillance, observe and report, nothing more.

Usually we had one experienced member and three new team members, the experienced member was there to continue on the job training and evaluation.  What worried me was that an experienced member could be taken out apparently as easy as the others.

And my money was not on the guy I’d cornered.  Of course, I could be wrong, and no doubt circumstantial evidence would go a long way towards proving that, but in my estimation, a cornered man like he was, with a thirst and talent for killing, would not have hesitated to kill me before I’d got three words out.

I believed him.  He was scared and, now that I thought about it, confused.  That was anything but the m.o. of a conscienceless killer.

The wrinkle that hadn’t been accounted for was the explosion.  No one could have predicted that, or its effect on the operation.  It might well have saved him, except that I didn’t play by the rules and reconnected with him.  Maybe he had felt safe after taking out the others, and assuming I’d been taken down by the explosion.

Except, if I didn’t think he did the killing, who did, and why?  Severin?  Just who the hell is this Severin?  There’s been no indication he wasn’t one of us.

I was pondering that question when the woman returned and sat down again.  This time her stare wasn’t quite as glacial.

“Describe this Severin.”

She opened her notebook, and had her pencil ready.  Odd that she should be taking notes in pencil.

I described him.  Five feet eight inches tall, 250 pounds, thinning black hair, making him anywhere between 35 and 50, though I thought he was mid-forties.  He wore a tweed suit, rather an odd choice for the climate, and had the aroma of cigarette smoke hanging about him.

Every free moment I saw him, he had a cigarette, so I thought he was quite possibly a chain smoker, and from that, perhaps a man with bad nerves, or who worried a lot.  Now I knew he was not one of us, that could be interpreted as thinking he might get caught.

But he was confident, and outgoing, which meant he was quite sure he wouldn’t get caught, and that meant, quite possibly there was someone within our department that was working for or with him and had covered his comings and goings.  Either that or he had a universal passcode key to come and go as he pleased.

When I finished the description I could see a flicker of recognition.  IT was possible she knew who he might be, and if so, I was betting she knew him by another name.  I asked if that was the case.

“You know who this man is, don’t you?”

The stern reproving look returned.  “What makes you think that?”

“I read faces.  Yours is not a poker face.”

“Well, that disappoints me because I like to play poker.  Perhaps the people I play with have a different view.”

“I’m usually a good judge of character.”

“It’s let you down this time.”  She stood.  “Before you go, one of the supervisors here would like a word with you.  His name is Nobbin.  He works out of another office and is coming here directly.  After that, you’re free to go.”

She didn’t wait to say goodbye, and I was glad I managed to keep a straight face long enough.

Nobbin.  Just the man I wanted to see.

 

© Charles Heath 2019

The story behind the story – Echoes from the Past

The novel ‘Echoes from the Past’ started out as a short story I wrote about 30 years ago, titled ‘The Birthday’.

My idea was to take a normal person out of their comfort zone and led on a short but very frightening journey to a place where a surprise birthday party had been arranged.

Thus, the very large man with a scar and a red tie was created.

So was the friend with the limousine who worked as a pilot.

So were the two women, Wendy and Angelina, who were Flight Attendants that the pilot friend asked to join the conspiracy.

I was going to rework the short story, then about ten pages long, into something a little more.

And like all rewrites, especially those I have anything to do with, it turned into a novel.

There was motivation.  I had told some colleagues at the place where I worked at the time that I liked writing, and they wanted a sample.  I was going to give them the re-worked short story.  Instead, I gave them ‘Echoes from the past’

Originally, it was not set anywhere in particular.

But when considering a location, I had, at the time, recently been to New York in December, and visited Brooklyn and Queens, as well as a lot of New York itself.  We were there for New Year’s, and it was an experience I’ll never forget.

One evening, we were out late and finished up in Brooklyn Heights, near the waterfront, and there was rain and snow; it was cold and wet, and apartment buildings were shimmering in the street light, and I thought, “This is the place where my main character will live”.

It had a very spooky atmosphere, the sort where ghosts would not be unexpected.  I felt more than one shiver go up and down my spine in the few minutes I was there.

I had taken notes, as I always do, of everywhere we went, so I had a ready supply of locations I could use, changing the names in some cases.

Fifth Avenue near the Rockefeller Centre is amazing at first light, and late at night with the Seasonal decorations and lights.

The original main character was a shy man with few friends, hence not expecting the surprise party.  I enhanced that shyness into purposely lonely because of an issue from his past that leaves him always looking over his shoulder and ready to move on at the slightest hint of trouble.  No friends, no relationships, just a very low profile.

Then I thought, what if he breaks the cardinal rule and begins a relationship?

But it is also as much an exploration of a damaged soul as it is the search for a normal life, without having any idea what normal was, and how the understanding of one person can sometimes make all the difference in what we may think or feel.

And, of course, I wanted a happy ending.

Except for the bad guys.

Get it here:  https://amzn.to/2CYKxu4

newechocover5rs

The cinema of my dreams – I always wanted to go on a treasure hunt – Episode 67

Here’s the thing…

Every time I close my eyes, I see something different.

I’d like to think the cinema of my dreams is playing a double feature but it’s a bit like a comedy cartoon night on Fox.

But these dreams are nothing to laugh about.

Once again there’s a new installment of an old feature, and we’re back on the treasure hunt.

Back at the newspaper archives

Boggs didn’t come home.

His mother and I waited until way after dark, and when I raised the possibility that something might have happened to him, she didn’t agree, nor did she look all that concerned.

The fact he had experience in cave exploration, and used to camping out with his father and later uncle Rico and had suffested he might not be back for a few days and was not a cause for concern.

It didn’t register that he might get into trouble considering the instability of some of the caves, nor the fact they have warning signs and or been boarded up to stop explorers.

It bothered me.

He was starting to emulate his father, with this obsession.  If the story in the paper was anything to go by, at worst he could finish up just like his father, buried under a pile of rubble.  That was one of the more speculative reults to his treasure hunt, besides leaving his family penniless and heartbroken.

Did I believe that was where his father was?  I didn’t think he disappeared of his own volition but as to the who, well, there were only two principal suspects, and no evidence of the complicity.

Boggs’s father might never be found.

But, in the end, I didn’t know what to think, because the waters were so muddied by people who were driven by self-interest.

There was so much more to this story, mostly driven by self-interest, revenge perhaps, and, worse, greed.  It was perhaps a symptom of everything that had gone wrong in not only this town but what was happening on a much larger scale to the whole country.  But, that was someone else’s problem.  My concern was here, now, and saving Biggs from following the same destructive path his father had

And, to do that, I needed to know more.  That meant, first thing the next morning, a trip to the newspaper office.

When I returned to the newspaper office Lenny was in his usual seat with a paper in hand, reading.  Keeping up with the competition, he said, though the difference in circulation was counted in millions.

There was a woman behind the other desk.

“Staff journalist,” he said when he saw me looking at her.  “And family.  My wife, Jennifer.”

I’d not seen her before, and she didn’t come from here, or I would have recognized her.

She smiled, and there was something in that expression that struck me as familiar.

“Are you related to the Ormistons?”

It was a vague resemblance, after seeing so many pictures of the Ormistons, that everyone looked like them.

“It’s a name I don’t use anymore,” she said, “for obvious reasons.  My grandfather stirred a lot of resentment.”

“And,” Lenny added, “it’s between us and these four walls, Sam.”

I nodded.  I could understand the sentiment.  And it explained Lenny’s depth of knowledge.

“Just to be clear, your grandfather didn’t find the treasure?”

She sighed.

Lenny said, sharply, “Sam!”

I shrugged.  “Sorry.  I had to ask.”

“No, he did not, and believe me, that’s a sore point with everyone whose lives he destroyed.”

“I can imagine.  Does anyone know what happened to him, the real story?”

“There is no real story Sam.  I tried to discover the truth and failed.  For Jennifer’s peace of mind.  We may never know what happened to him.”

“But surely you don’t believe he died in a cave somewhere?”

“It’s the most plausible.”

“And what about Boggs’s father?”

“He was a fool,” Jennifer said.  “From what I remember of him, he was always insistent that the treasure was in a cavern up in the hills, accessible only by an underground river that flowed down to the sea.  He originally thought it was the one the mall was built over, except every cave had a dead end.”

“Before or after the mall was built?”

“My father explored the cave system, with my grandfather, extensively, before the mall was built.  There was no underground river.”

“How did the mall get destroyed in a flood then?”

“That was the Benderby’s cost-cutting the foundations.  The flooding was man-made, not an act of nature like they said it was.  That was just so they could claim the insurance.  No one could really tell the difference, and the specialist the got to sign off on it lied.  The same guy that turned up dead on Rico’s boat, by the way.”

“The Benderby’s cleaning up another mess, but their way.”  Jennifer sounded, and probably had every right to be, resentful.

“Then there still could be an underground river somewhere along the coast?”

“If there is, I haven’t found it, and neither has Alex and that fancy boat of his.  It’s another dead end, and like as not, another nail in the coffin of what was a fairy tale, to begin with.  There was no treasure, just a fable invented by the Cossatinos.”

“Even so, it’s part of the folklore of this county and will have a place in the history I’m writing.  I noticed over the years the treasure had a prominent place in the paper.”

“My father, and his before him thought it would be good for the town. You know, bring in tourists.  It was my father’s idea to print treasure maps, and then the Cossatino’s embellished it but producing what they called ‘the real map’ each a slight variation on the other, commanding a special fee, and swearing the purchases to a promise of silence, and adding to the authenticity, demanding a 19 percent share of whatever they found.  People lapped it up and my father said they’d made a fortune out of it.  Boggs’s father hand-made the copies and used that money to fund his own explorations.  Everyone made money out of it, one way or another except Ormiston.”

A bitter irony if there was ever one.  There was more money in the illusion of treasure than the actual treasure itself.

“And the so-called real map that Boggs reputedly found in the pirate’s hideaway?”

“No one ever saw it, except that one time it was authenticated age-wise, so no one ever got to see it.  Boggs made sure of that, and never let it out of his sight.  Now we’ll never know.  I’m sure Boggs junior doesn’t have it, but with him, he’s as daft as his father was.”

“He had a lot of his father’s stuff he found in a box in the attic recently.  I’ve seen some of it, but not an authentic map, so maybe your right.”

“Of course I am.  When you have an idea of what this history of yours is going to look like, let me know. And I’ll publish in parts if you want, maybe pass it on to the dailies.  It might be worth something.”

“Thanks.  I will.  But more study first, you have the history of the place in that back room, maybe you should write something yourself. Being the journalist.”

“Too busy with births deaths and marriages, Sam, and the antics of the Benderby’s and Cossatino’s.  Do you know that Benderby is demolishing the mall and putting a marina in its place?  Talk of building a hotel, boosting tourism.  Talking of running for mayor, you know, the first stop on the way to the presidency?”

“A crook for a mayor?”

“Wouldn’t be the first, won’t be the last.  But one thing is for sure, that kind of news sells papers.”

It did, but I had a feeling the Benderbys were all about creating a distraction, and something else was going on at that mall site.

A construction crew had arrived, and more secure fencing was being erected, and the two points where I’d entered the sire with Boggs on one hand and Nadia later, they were gone.  There was also an increase in the security guards, covering more of the fence line in shorter intervals, and worse, arc lighting lit the whole outside area like a sports stadium.

Not even an ant could sneak in without being seen.

© Charles Heath 2020-2022

The 2am Rant: Having something to say is one thing, saying it is something else

As accomplished as we can be at putting words on paper, what is it that makes it so difficult to sit in a chair with a camera on you, and say words rather than write them?

Er and um seem to crop up a lot in verbal speech.

OK, it was a simple question; “What motivates you to write?”

Damn.

My brain just turned to mush, and the words come out sounding like a drunken sailor after a night out on the town.

The written answer to the question is simple; “The idea that someone will read what I have written, and quite possibly enjoy it; that is motivation enough.”

It highlights the difficulties of the novice author.

Not only are there the constant demands of creating a ‘brand’ and building a ‘following’, there is also the need to market oneself, and the interview is one of the more effective ways of doing this.

If only I can settle the nerves.

I mean, really, it is only my granddaughter who is conducting the interview, and the questions are relatively simple.

The trouble is, I’ve never had to do it before, well, perhaps in an interview for a job, but that is less daunting.  That usually sticks to a predefined format.

Here the narrative can go in any direction.  There are set questions, but the interviewer, in her inimitable manner, can sometimes slide a question in out of left field.

For instance, “Your character Zoe the assassin, is she based on someone you know, or an amalgam of other characters you’ve read about or seen in movies?”

That was an interesting question, and one that has several answers, but the one most relevant was; “It was the secret alter ego of one of the women I used to work with.  I asked her one day if she wasn’t doing what she was, what she would like to do.  It fascinated me that other people had the desire to be something more exotic in an alter ego.”

Of course, the next question was about what I wanted to be in an alter ego.

Maybe I’ll tell you next time.

What I learned about writing – 5 Proven Ways to Give Your Writing Confidence a Real Boost

Whether you’re polishing a novel manuscript, drafting a blog post, or scribbling down a quick journal entry, every writer hits the “I‑don’t‑know‑if‑this‑is‑good enough” wall at some point. The good news? Confidence isn’t a mystical talent you’re either born with or not—it’s a skill you can train, just like plotting, character arcs, or SEO research. Below are five concrete strategies (backed by research and real‑world experience) that will help you shake off self‑doubt, step into your writer’s voice, and keep the words flowing.

1. Celebrate Small Wins – Turn “Done” Into “Done‑and‑Delicious”

Why it works:
Psychologist Dr. Barbara Fredrickson’s Broaden‑and‑Build theory tells us that positive emotions expand our mental toolkit, making us more creative and resilient. Acknowledging tiny achievements creates that positive feedback loop.

How to apply it:

Small MilestoneCelebration Idea
Finishing a paragraphAdd a sticky note to your monitor that says “Paragraph conquered!”
Hitting a word‑count target (e.g., 500 words)Treat yourself to a 5‑minute playlist of your favorite songs
Finding the perfect metaphorWrite it on a slip of paper and tape it on your wall as a visual trophy
Receiving a kind comment on a draftSave the comment in a “Confidence Folder” (digital or physical) for low‑energy days

Make it a habit: At the end of each writing session, jot down one thing you did well. Over weeks, you’ll have a personal “confidence bank” to draw from when you feel stuck.


2. Adopt a “Draft‑First, Edit‑Later” Mindset

Why it works:
Research from the University of Cambridge shows that separating the creative (draft) and analytical (edit) phases lowers perfectionism and increases output quality. When you stop judging while you write, the flow state—that sweet spot where the words seem to write themselves—is easier to achieve.

Practical steps:

  1. Set a timer for a “pure draft” sprint (e.g., 20 minutes). During this window, no back‑spacing, no grammar checks, no Googling synonyms. Just write.
  2. Label the document “RAW” so you consciously know you’ll revisit it later.
  3. Switch gears after the sprint: take a short walk, stretch, then open the file in “Edit” mode. You’ll be surprised at how many “aha!” moments appear when you return with fresh eyes.

Result: The draft becomes a safe space for experimentation, and the later edit feels like polishing a gem rather than fixing a broken vase.


3. Build a “Writer’s Support Squad”

Why it works:
Social support is a massive confidence driver. According to a 2022 study in Writing Research Quarterly, writers who regularly share work with peers report 31% higher self‑efficacy (belief in their ability to succeed) than solitary writers.

Ways to create your squad:

  • Join a local or virtual writing group. Platforms like Meetup, Discord, or even Facebook have genre‑specific circles.
  • Find a “beta‑reader buddy.” Swap drafts with someone you trust; give each other a single, focused piece of feedback (e.g., “Did the protagonist’s motivation feel clear?”).
  • Hire a professional editor for a “confidence edit.” Even a brief 30‑minute session can validate that you’re on the right track.
  • Use accountability apps. Tools like Habitica or Beeminder let you set writing goals and get nudges (or gentle shame‑reminders) from friends.

Tip: Keep the feedback loop specific and positive. A phrase like “I loved how you showed the conflict through dialogue” feels far more empowering than a vague “It’s good.”


4. Leverage the Power of “Impostor‑Syndrome Journaling”

Why it works:
Impostor syndrome—feeling like a fraud despite evidence of competence—is rampant among writers. A 2020 meta‑analysis in Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts found that journaling about these thoughts reduces their intensity by 40%.

How to journal effectively:

  1. Name the feeling. Write, “I’m feeling like an impostor because…”
  2. Collect evidence. List concrete achievements (publications, positive comments, word‑count milestones).
  3. Reframe. Turn “I’m not good enough” into “I’m still learning, and that’s okay.”
  4. Set a “next‑step” goal. E.g., “Read one article on pacing this week.”

Do this once a week, preferably after a writing session. Over time, the journal becomes a personal truth‑checker that reminds you of your progress whenever doubt creeps in.


5. Practice “Micro‑Storytelling” to Warm Up Your Voice

Why it works:
Micro‑storytelling (flash fiction ≤ 300 words, Instagram captions, or even 6‑sentence anecdotes) forces you to distill ideas quickly, sharpening your narrative instincts and giving you immediate, tangible proof of skill.

Kick‑start ideas:

PromptWord LimitGoal
“The last word you ever typed”150Capture tension in a single scene
“A coffee shop conversation that changes everything”200Practice dialogue
“A piece of advice you’d give to your younger self”250Tap into voice & authenticity
“Rewrite a classic fairy tale in 3 sentences”100Hone brevity & wit

Routine: Spend the first 10 minutes of every writing day on a micro‑story. When you finish, you have a finished piece to share, post, or shelve—instant confidence.


Putting It All Together: A 7‑Day Confidence Sprint

DayFocusAction
1Celebrate WinsWrite 3 bullet‑point win notes after your session.
2Draft‑First20‑minute sprint + “RAW” label.
3Squad UpPost a snippet in your writing group, ask for one specific comment.
4Impostor JournalFollow the 4‑step journaling template.
5Micro‑StoryComplete a flash‑fiction piece (≤200 words).
6Edit SessionRevisit Day 2’s draft with fresh eyes.
7Review & RewardCompile all win notes, journal entries, and micro‑stories. Celebrate with a treat or a leisure activity.

At the end of the week, you’ll have a portfolio of proof—a tangible collection that demonstrates progress, skill, and resilience. And more importantly, you’ll have rewired your brain to associate writing with positive outcomes rather than fear.


Final Thought: Confidence Is a Muscle, Not a Magic Spell

Every writer—whether a debut novelist, a seasoned journalist, or a hobbyist blogger—needs a reliable toolbox for moments of doubt. The strategies above are evidence‑based, low‑cost, and adaptable to any schedule or genre. Try one or mix several, track what resonates, and watch your inner critic shrink while your creative voice grows louder.

Ready to boost your confidence? Grab a notebook, pick the first tip, and start today. Your future self (and your readers) will thank you.

365 Days of Writing, 2026 – 220/221

Days 220 and 221 – Writing Exercise

It was always the same answer, as it had been from the day I could ask questions: “Who was Uncle Robert?”

My mother was always the first to speak, as he was one of her mother’s siblings, saying he was the black sheep, the one who went down in a hail of bullets.

If that sounded dubious, the next part cemented that remark: that he had died a hero, saving a bus full of children

It was heroic, and he was my uncle, the original font of all things good about my mother’s family, even though once I grew up and understood the nuances of the English language, I also knew what sarcasm was, and how it applied to him.

My mother and two of my aunts on her side, when thinking they were alone and talking about him, dropped a trail of breadcrumbs that said he was a criminal somewhere in Chicago and if he wasn’t already dead, he should be.

That meant a lot.  And it was curious to us children that we should stop asking terrible questions about a man who no longer existed.

Over succeeding years, I tried, but it wasn’t easy because there was always someone inadvertently mentioning his name.

But as the years passed, and I started digging into the genealogical aspect of our family, a chance discovery of a ‘lost’ aunt on my mother’s side who was living on the other side of the country, Charlotte, told me her brother, my uncle, was not dead but very clearly alive.

And what’s more, she gave me his address.

And as soon as I was old enough to travel on my own, I got on the plane and went to Cincinnati.  It was, I discovered, where all the members of my mother’s family came from.

Considering where we lived in Arizona, a not-so-large town in the Southwest, Cincinnati was eye-opening.  To me, it was a big city, but not as big as Tucson or New York, where my older sister had gone, but enough to show there was a whole different world out there when I was ready to greet it.

At this time I just wanted to say hello and confirm that the mystery that had hung around for years was not a mystery at all, and then go home.

Of course things were never that simple.  It might have been simple if I had a plan, but all the plan was; was to get from the airport to the house where my potential uncle lived.

And to find out why he had been shunned, or more likely why he had shunned us.

Until I knocked on the door and a boy who looked exactly like me opened it.

“My God,” was his first comment.  It was followed by, “Well, aren’t you the clever one, then.”

Until that exact moment, I was not sure what I was fishing for, perhaps a slightly complimentary remark.  Charlotte had said the uncle was a bit of a smarty pants.  He’d obviously passed that on to his son.

“Is your father here?”

I knew who my uncle was because Charlotte had shown me his photo, and I had rung ahead to let him know who I was and what part in the family I was related. 

He hadn’t seemed impressed that I existed or that he cared whether he knew me or not, though I did detect a slight curiosity in his tone.

He asked only one question.   Was I visiting him of my own volition or had my mother told me to come?  I said that it was a result of my ancestry search that I’d discovered him, and I’d not told my mother anything about this visit.

I had assumed that telling my mother where I was going would set her off, after running a test scenario that just had his name on the tip of my tongue.  Something bad must have happened a long time ago, and it was so bad they stopped talking.

Perhaps I would have to mend some bridges.  After the meeting, of course, and if we dismissed the idea of killing our contemporaries to keep a secret.

There was a story to be had, and once I stepped over that threshold, I was determined to get it, or at the very least, the truth.

I didn’t feel too sanguine, though, just outside the front door, and in a moment of realising that it was quite possible I would not get over the first hurdle. 

I was looking at the uncle’s son’s not-backing-down expression, so I had to consider that first effort might all come to nothing, but perseverance was the ticket to this mission, not failure. 

Until another of my aunts, one I didn’t readily recognise, came down the stairs just inside the doorway.  She stopped on the last step, then put a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

Was she about to send me on my way?  She gave me an up-and-down look.  “You don’t look like your mother.”

“You don’t look like my mother, and you are supposed to be a sister.”

“Obviously your mother didn’t teach you about insolence.  You should go back to where you came from.”

“They don’t know I’m here, and I didn’t tell them.  I didn’t come to see you; I came to see my uncle.  Is he here or is he playing hide and seek?”

“You can leave now.”  She said.

A man came down the stairs and brushed past her.  There was no doubting who he was.

“You’re as feisty as your mother.  Jack, isn’t it?”

“It is.”

He came out the door and closed it behind him.  “Let’s walk.  I wouldn’t worry too much about them.  Annabel is your mother’s twin sister, the one she doesn’t talk about.  It will no doubt answer that question you have about the boy looking like you.”

“I wasn’t going to ask.”

“You were.  What made you think there was a long-lost uncle?”

“The way my mother talks about a part of her life that seems like a made-up story.  How many siblings were there?”

“Fourteen.  Same father, two different women, sisters.  Your grandfather married Elsie first and had eight children, including your mother and Annabel, the last two of the eight, and after they were born Elsie died from afterbirth complications, then he married Agnes, Elsie’s younger sister, and had six more of which I was the first.  Your mother and Amnabel were blamed for her death; each blamed the other, and then the family fractured.”

We ended up in a cafe and the story took three cups of coffee.

The grandparents, the marriages, the family fractures, the children, and loss.  Perhaps I was too young to understand the nuances of family, other than my father’s edit that family was supposed to be everything, a hard tenet to follow given how my mother was the complete antithesis of it.

It was why I only assumed there were eight siblings: my mother and her older brothers and sisters, the evil sister Annabel, not knowing Annabel was her twin, and this other bunch of people that I thought belonged to another branch of the family.

My mother never assimilated with her father, and I knew that her mother was dead, but she never seemed to mention her with any fondness. 

No surprise.  She had never got to meet her at the point where she could bond with her or remember her.  She only had a stepmother, though she never mentioned her.  In fact, she rarely mentioned her life before marrying my father, and he seemed quite at home not mentioning her parents either.

The only people both my siblings and I knew were the grandparents on my father’s side.

Now I had a more detailed understanding of mt mothers whole family, and some of the reasons why she never mentioned them.

I could understand why Annabel hated me; she hated her twin, who had been born in a house that treated them badly.  I could not imagine what it would be like to be blamed by everyone for the death of their mother.

Even when it was not their fault, as my uncle had gone out of his way to find the truth and try for years to repair the fractures.

By the time I got back on the plane to go home, two days later, and after sitting at the table with my other six aunts and uncles, I was not sure whether I should be pleased or disappointed I’d found out the family secret.

When I walked in the door, back home, and feeling exhausted from the long trip, I wasn’t expecting to walk into a minefield.

My mother was standing in the hallway, arms crossed, and looking black as thunder.

Melanie.  The sister who could never keep a secret.  I had to tell someone in case there was a problem while I was away.

I guess if there was a chance to score points, she would take it.

“You went to Cincinnati?”

It was a statement, not a question.

My father, or anyone else who was around, had seen the storm brewing and left to find a safe haven.

“I did.  Part of this deep desire to see something of this great country I live in.  Maybe next month I’ll go to Texas.”  Better to be flippant.

“So Cincinnati was just a spot like pinning the tail on the donkey?”

“No.  It seemed significant, like you mentioning it with loathing.  I wanted to find out if it was as bad as you seem to think it is.”

“You have no idea what I think.”

“Actually, I think I might have some idea.  I met your twin sister, the evil Annabel.  I get it, by the way.  Sisters can be shitty to one another, and I imagine that can only intensify with a twin.  It’s amusing to discover she had exactly the same loathing of you, which makes it quite funny.”

“It’s not.”

“It is.  After all the times you told me I had to be nice to my siblings, you went and did the exact opposite.  Did Dad know you were one of fourteen?”

“I told him my father was in a mental home and my mother was dead.  I’d like it to stay that way.”

“Why?”

“Because it was better that way.”  The black clouds were passing, and the edge had gone out of her tone.  She was still angry but not as much.

“You spoke to Anthony?”

“You knew he was still in Cincinnati?”

“Of course.  He is my stepbrother, perhaps the only one worth talking to, and the only one who took the time to find the truth.”

“And you knew Annabel was staying with him?”

“You went to the home we were brought up in.  She was never going to leave him, married or otherwise.  You would have met your doppelganger Eric, too.”  She shrugged.  “She dated your father for the whole of high school, got pregnant, which, given the type of girl she was, surprised no one.  It’s why he looks like you; he’s your father’s illegitimate child.  He invited her to the prom, and she got sick, and told me to go with him instead so another girl wouldn’t steal him from her.”

I could see how that would work.  “Except…”

“He preferred me.  One night it took.  The Prom.  She was a bitch at the best of times.  I wasn’t.  You can only put up with that stuff for so long.  But there was the pregnancy and the obligation.  Our parents expected him to do the right thing.  He didn’t.”

I could see now why Annabel hated her.  Bad choices and expectations.

She continued, “To make things easier for her, I left home, came here, told him he had to marry her, but he said he’d made his bed, asked me to marry him.  I said no.  He eventually married her, the child was born, and then they divorced.  She cheated on him, not surprising.  A year later, your father came here, asked me again, and I said yes.  She hated me ever since.  The guy she ended up with was better for her, but you could never tell her anything.  She blew that marriage up too, by the way.”

I had some experience in breaking up with a first love.  The next was never the same, even after you got over that broken heart, which I didn’t think I had.

“I’m sure there’s a moral in this story somewhere.  If anything, given my family, perhaps it’s better not to get married, or if you do, stick to one wife, and not have eight, six or fourteen kids.  And not marry a twin.”

I thought i saw the beginnings of a smile.  I could have been mistaken.

“What are you going to do with this newfound knowledge?”

“Talk to the aunts and uncles I know about the aunts and uncles they quite clearly knew about but never spoke about because of you.”

“Not me exactly.  Out of deference to me.  They regretted blaming us for our mother’s death, because at that age everything was more intense and easily explained in a child’s head, aside from our father hammering it in because of his own misery.

It was what it was.  I should have handled it better, but I didn’t.  Perhaps in some small way, you doing what you just did might be the first step along a long path back.  If you want, invite Anthony to come and visit you.  See what he says.”

I knew what he would say, but I wasn’t going to tell her.

I’d let that be a surprise.

©  Charles Heath  2026

Top 5 sights on the road less travelled – Georgetown

For those seeking experiences beyond the well-known landmarks in Georgetown, Guyana, here are five excellent things to do on a more unconventional path:

  • Visit the manatees at Guyana National Park (or Botanical Gardens)
    While the botanical gardens and national park are known, a specific, less common activity is feeding the manatees in the ponds. It is one of the few places in the world where it’s possible to interact with these endangered creatures by feeding them grass.
  • Explore the local culture at the lesser-known markets
    Beyond the central Stabroek Market, venture into local markets like Bourda Market or Kitty Market for a more authentic feel of daily Guyanese life. Here, you can experience the vibrant atmosphere, interact with locals, and find unique spices, fresh produce, and local crafts away from the main tourist flow.
  • Experience a local “seven curry” food tour
    Immerse yourself in the unique Indo-Guyanese culinary tradition with a “seven curry” tour, which typically involves collecting lotus leaves and experiencing a cooking class with local chefs in an authentic setting. This provides a deep cultural and gastronomic experience that goes beyond simply visiting a restaurant.
  • Take a blackwater creek adventure
    An excursion about an hour outside the city leads to the serene blackwater creeks, such as those along the Soesdyke/Linden Highway or with local operators like Blackwater Adventures. These unique, palm-fringed swimming spots offer a tranquil escape into nature and a chance to see diverse wildlife, including birds and monkeys, away from the city bustle.
  • Discover Amerindian culture with a village day trip
    Organise a day trip to an Amerindian village, such as the community-run Pakuri Village or lodges like Surama Eco Lodge (which is further afield in the Rupununi region), to learn about the indigenous culture and lifestyle. Engaging with local communities and guides offers a profound insight into Guyana’s heritage and biodiversity that general city tours rarely provide

In a word: Bill

Yes, it is a name, short for William, though I’m not sure how Bill was derived from William.

But…

As you know, like many words this one has a number of other meanings, like,

A bird has a bill, particularly those birds with webbed feet

A bill is something you are sent to pay for goods or services, and often turn up when least expected, or when money is tight

And, sadly, they are neverending.

Then there’s fit the bill, which means it is suitable.

It could also be a list of people who appear in a programme.

It is used to describe banknotes, such as a twenty dollar bill.

It could be a waybill, used for the consignment of goods.

It could also be a piece of legislation introduced into parliament.

In some places in the world, it could be the peak of a cap

But the most obscure use of the word bill goes to:  the point of an anchor fluke.