Month: April 2026

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 99

Day 99 – The Forster Effect

…

The Unspoken Truth: Why Writing is the Ultimate Act of Discovery

“How can I tell what I think until I see what I say?”

E.M. Forster, the celebrated author of A Passage to India, penned this deceptively simple line, and it has echoed through the halls of literature and psychology ever since. At first glance, it sounds like a paradox. We usually think of thought as the precursor to action—we process, we formulate, and then we speak or write.

But Forster flips the script. He suggests that thought is not a static state waiting to be expressed; it is a fluid process that is crystallised through the act of expression.

If you’ve ever sat down to write an email, a journal entry, or a creative piece, you’ve likely experienced the “Forster Effect.” You start with a vague, amorphous cloud of feelings or ideas. You type a sentence. You look at it, frown, delete it, and try again. Suddenly, as the words hit the page, the fog lifts. You realise, “Oh, that’s actually what I believe.”

Here is why Forster’s wisdom is the key to unlocking your own clarity.

1. Thought is Abstract; Language is Structural

Our internal lives are messy. They are collections of half-formed impulses, sensory memories, and emotional echoes. When we keep these inside, they remain formless.

Language, however, is structural. It requires a subject, a verb, and an object. It demands logic. When you force your subconscious thoughts into the rigid architecture of a sentence, you are forced to choose. You must discard the surplus and define the core. Writing acts as a refining fire, burning away the noise and leaving behind the essence of your position.

2. The “Mirroring” Effect of the Page

When you “see what you say,” you are essentially externalising your consciousness. By putting your thoughts on paper, you turn them into an object you can observe.

You stop being the person having the thought and become an editor viewing the thought. This shift in perspective is transformative. You can spot the gaps in your logic, the inconsistencies in your values, or the hidden fears driving your opinions. You can’t argue with your own brain when it’s spinning in circles, but you can argue with a paragraph on a screen.

3. Writing as a Discovery Tool (Not a Recording Tool)

Most people make the mistake of using writing only to “record” thoughts that were already fully formed. They treat the pen (or keyboard) like a stenographer.

But true creativity and clarity come when you use writing as a discovery tool. Don’t write to tell people what you know; write to find out what you know. If you start a sentence without knowing how it ends, you are giving your subconscious permission to take the wheel. You will often find yourself surprised by your own insights. That surprise is the feeling of growth.

How to Practice the “Forster Method”

If you want to clear the mental clutter, try these three strategies:

  • The Morning Pages Technique: Commit to writing three pages of stream-of-consciousness thoughts first thing in the morning. Don’t edit, don’t worry about grammar, and don’t stop. Just let the pen move. You will be shocked by the realisations that emerge when you bypass your inner critic.
  • The “Why” Chain: When you have a strong opinion, write it down. Then, write “Because…” and finish the sentence. Then write “Because…” again for that sentence. You will eventually hit the bottom of your own belief system.
  • Talk to the Page: If you’re struggling with a difficult decision, treat your journal like a trusted friend. Write, “I’m not sure how I feel about X, but here is what I’m worried about…” and let the dialogue unfold.

The Bottom Line

We spend so much of our lives waiting for “the right time” to speak or “the perfect thought” to arrive. But silence is rarely as clarifying as we hope it will be.

If you want to understand your own mind, stop waiting for the epiphany. Pick up a pen. Start a sentence. You might be surprised at who you find on the other side of that first period. As Forster knew, we aren’t just expressing ourselves—we are inventing ourselves with every word we choose.

“One Last Look”, nothing is what it seems

A single event can have enormous consequences.

A single event driven by fate, after Ben told his wife Charlotte he would be late home one night, he left early, and by chance discovered his wife having dinner in their favourite restaurant with another man.

A single event where it could be said Ben was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Who was this man? Why was she having dinner with him?

A simple truth to explain the single event was all Ben required. Instead, Charlotte told him a lie.

A single event that forces Ben to question everything he thought he knew about his wife and the people who are around her.

After a near-death experience and forced retirement into a world he is unfamiliar with, Ben finds himself once again drawn back into that life of lies, violence, and intrigue.

From London to a small village in Tuscany, little by little, Ben discovers who the woman he married is, and the real reason why fate had brought them together.

It is available on Amazon here:  http://amzn.to/2CqUBcz

NaNoWriMo – April – 2026 – Day 26

Today went well; the book is now almost editing itself, such is the benefit of outlining.

I’m almost sold on the planning idea, but that will sort itself out next time.

The way the story is running, and the additions I have made so far, the story is going to be longer than anticipated.

I’ve just seen a glaring plot hole and will be working to fix that, and then that opens a can of worms because the ending is now a choice of three.

This is the trouble with rereading and changing and not being satisfied and letting editors tell you what needs to be fixed when nothing really needs to be fixed in the first place.

Damn, it’s just the editing jitters kicking in.

It’s time to get back to the current project and finish it.

Harry Walthenson, Private Detective – the second case – A case of finding the “Flying Dutchman”

…

What starts as a search for a missing husband soon develops into an unbelievable story of treachery, lies, and incredible riches.

…

It was meant to remain buried long enough for the dust to settle on what was once an unpalatable truth, when enough time had passed, and those who had been willing to wait could reap the rewards.

The problem was, no one knew where that treasure was hidden or the location of the logbook that held the secret.

At stake, billions of dollars’ worth of stolen Nazi loot brought to the United States in an anonymous tramp steamer and hidden in a specially constructed vault under a specifically owned plot of land on the once docklands of New York.

It may have remained hidden and unknown to only a few, if it had not been for a mere obscure detail being overheard …

… by our intrepid, newly minted private detective, Harry Walthenson …

… and it would have remained buried.

Now, through a series of unrelated events, or are they, that well-kept secret is out there, and Harry will not stop until the whole truth is uncovered.

Even if it almost costs him his life.  Again.

The cinema of my dreams – It all started in Venice – Episode 12

Let’s talk about Larry.

…

Over the main, and desert, I told her about Siena and the Palio, painting a vivid picture of horsemanship and rivalry over the course of several hundred years, making it sound so much better than it was.

It the heat, the tight confines of the square, and the large number of people crammed in, it could be quite oppressive.

It wasn’t until after coffee arrived I decided to take a different tack and surprise her.

“You know, back in the old days, when I was working a desk, I used to do research on criminals for task forces.  I longed to get out in the field, but back then you had to be a particular sort of bastard to get those jobs.  I just didn’t have that mean streak.”

“Any I might know of?”

“One that springs to mind, Larry Pomisor, head of the so-called Waterville gang, though as an organization, is went downhill quickly after Larry’s father died and he took over.”

I’d been watching her carefully, and, yes, no matter how hard people tried to mask their surprise, it never works.  I got the hit I was looking for.

“You’re saying he’s not a crime boss?”

“Exactly.  He’s little better than a complete moron.  Blames me for the death of his brother, failing to understand that he is ultimately responsible.  If he hadn’t dragged him into the business, he’d still be alive today.”

“Why would he blame you?”

“He thinks I was at the scene of his brother’s death but whoever told him got their dates mixed up.  But Larry is nothing if not pathological in his beliefs no matter how wrong they are.”

I could see she was processing how to deal with this turn of events.  Being handed to her on a plate, exactly what Larry wanted me to talk about, I could see she was mid-way between confused and surprised.  In other words, off guard.

She now had to come up with questions that were not obvious.

“Not exactly the sort of enemy you want, then.”

“No more than any of the others I’m sure are waiting in line.  I was there, yes, but not when his brother was killed, he was alive when I left.  It was a meeting his brother called, and we believe he was going to inform on Larry, and Larry had him killed, then pinning the blame on us, and me in particular.  His brother never wanted anything to do with Waterville, but Larry never gave him the option.”

“I can’t believe that he would do that, not to his brother.  No one would do that to family.”

“Like I said, everything I learned about Larry pointed to the fact he was a moron.  His father hated him, and his mother moved to be as far from him as possible.  She lives in Sorrento you know.  His father was a piece of work, and I first met him on a domestic call-out when their neighbors reported gunshots.  She had taken a beating, not the first, and not the last, and I had to say, I’d never seen anyone more relieved when the old man died.”

I wondered what Larry was making of this if he was listening in.  He had once told me, in passing, in one of many visits to the parent’s house to intervene, that he would kill his father if he didn’t stop.

But, Larry was all talk and no action and did nothing to stop it.  In the end, it was his wife Gabrielle, who finally ended the violence. 

When it happened she called me, the most familiar face, and told me what happened.  I then told her what to do, and it eventually kept her out of jail.  Over the years since our paths rarely crossed, but significantly I was on her Christmas card list.

She had, when she learned I was living in Venice incited Violetta and I over for tea, and we went a few times, but the last was a long time ago.

“He doesn’t blame you for that too foes he?”

“Probably, but Gabrielle can put him straight on that.  I should go and see her, it’s been a while.”

 “What do you mean?  Go see Larry’s mother?”

“Why not?  The chances of Larry being there are remote.  It’ll have to be after Cecilia goes back home.  You want to come, see a bit more of Italy?”

“What?”

The shock of the conversation direction had finally caught up with her.  I’d seen her glancing more than one at her phone, and equally wondering what Larry was making of it.

“Go see Larry’s mother.  We’re old friends.  I’m sure she’d give him a stern talking-to if she knew he wanted me dead, don’t you?”

“I don’t know.  I’ll have to see.”

“Of course.  Too short notice.”

I gave her one of my winning smiles, just as Cecilia loomed out of the darkness and came over, dropping heavily into the seat next to me, and complaining, “Well, that was a spectacular waste of time and effort.”

© Charles Heath 2022

NaNoWriMo – April – 2026 – Day 25

Having reached the milestone of writing 50,000 words plus, it’s not the time to hang up the pen and think the job’s done.

It isn’t.

I still have a few more chapters to write, to bring the story to a satisfying conclusion.

That I’m still not quite sure about, but I have one conclusion I’ll write, and then later if I think of something better, I’ll substitute it.

That isn’t to say the end won’t change when it’s time to make a second pass at the manuscript.

Other than that, things are going according to plan. This means, I guess, that writing to a plan can work even for someone who doesn’t usually use that method

I will be considering this to plan the sequels for the two series I’m writing at the moment.

But, not to get ahead of myself, I have this project to finish.

A to Z – April – 2026 – V

V is for – A Viper’s Misguided Revenge

…

“I dare you to tell me the truth.”

Evelyn glared at me with such intensity that it made me feel hot under the collar. 

Perhaps that was a tinge of guilt, not that I had done anything wrong, but her meddling sister had been in her ear again, and I was never going to live down the fact that I chose Evelyn over her.

It had taken me a week to realise Darcy, her older sister, was a manipulative and evil woman like their mother had been.   And years before, I had rediscovered Evelyn, and another after that, before we started dating.

Now it was the week of the wedding, and Darcy was up to her old tricks.  Her sister was happy and settled, Darcy was not, and she didn’t like it.

“The truth about Elizabeth.”

Oh, Elizabeth.  The other girl I’d liked at school, and was out of my league, then and now.  Darcy trotted her out every time she wanted to make Evelyn unsettled, hinting that we had had a long-standing relationship the whole time, and secretly, I was more in love with her.

The truth?  I was not.  She had told me a long time ago that anything with me was impossible because of her parents’ expectations.

“Well, the obvious truth is she’s a lovely lady, single, simply because she doesn’t trust any man, and probably will remain so now that she has taken over the running of her family business.  You and I both know for a fact she has spent three weeks at best this side of the Atlantic this year, so I’m not sure when we’re supposed to have found time to be together.”

It was the same answer I gave her the last time and the time before that.  And it would be the next time if there was a next time.  I always took it as a sign that if Evelyn was looking for excuses, she started prevaricating.

“You’ve made four two-week trips to England in the last six months.”

This was true, and I told her the details of each trip, where I went, who I saw, and called her twice a day, first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

I sighed.  I just caught a glimpse of Darcy outside the door to the room, listening to the fruits of her labours, to break us up.  Perhaps it was time to do so.  Darcy was never going to give up, and Evelyn was always going to not fully trust me.

“The truth is always going to be what you believe, Evelyn, not what I say.  And if you want the truth, right now, it is that whatever it is we think we have, it’s not going to work.  Not if you’re going to let Darcy undermine our relationship.  So, here’s the truth, Evelyn.  We should not get married and spend the rest of our lives regretting it.  There has been and always will be only one girl for me, and that’s you.  It’s a pity Darcy can’t see that.  So, another truth, Evelyn, let Darcy pick your husband, get her seal of approval, and perhaps then she’ll stop making everybody else’s life as miserable as hers is.  I’m sorry, Evelyn, but enough is enough.”

“The wedding is off?”  Why did she suddenly sound incredulous?

“It’s what Darcy wants, and you apparently agree with her.  As for me, I’m done with Washington. I actually quit my job yesterday, and in about three hours, I’m getting on a plane to go home.  Since my father died, my mother has not been coping with the business, and Joey is about as useless as Darcy is.  Pity they didn’t get married, they are certainly a pigeon pair.  But there it is, you live and learn.  Goodbye, Evelyn.  I really do hope you find what you’re looking for, but as far as I can see, it’s not me.”

I gave her a final look up and down, realising that I would never find another like her ever again.  Then I shook my head and walked out of the room.  Had she asked me to come back, I would have.  Had she said she was no longer going to listen to her sister, I would have believed her, but she said nothing.

Darcy was waiting at the front door and opened it as I approached.

“How does it feel to be a loser?” she asked.

“You always said you’d get your revenge.”

“Yes,” she smiled, the cat who ate the canary, “I did.”

I smiled back.  “What do you do for a living again?”

“I pick and choose companies I believe are very good investments for our clients, and we make a lot of money.  I make a lot of money.”

“What was your prediction for Billingsgate?”

“Not what happened.  That was an aberration.  Whoever owns it just happened to be in the right place at the right time.”

“I know; that was my brainchild, Darcy.  And like I said, and I know you were listening in, I sold the company, the same as quitting my job, and now I’m going home.  I did it for Evelyn, but thanks to you, she’ll miss that opportunity.  Not your best work, Darcy.”

The expression on her face, as I walked through the door, was priceless.

…

©  Charles Heath 2025-2026

365 Days of writing, 2026 – 98

Day 98 – The truth in your voice

…

Beyond the Lab Coat: What Rachel Carson Teaches Every Aspiring Writer

In the 1930s, the scientific community was a fortress of rigid archetypes. To be a “scientist” meant you were expected to behave, dress, and communicate in a specific way—usually echoing the dry, inaccessible jargon of academia.

Then came Rachel Carson.

Carson didn’t fit the mold. She wasn’t a stereotypical lab-coat-wearing academic, but she possessed a secret weapon that would eventually change the world: a profound flair for narrative. Her journey—from her humble beginnings writing radio scripts on the habits of fish to authoring the earth-shattering Silent Spring—offers a masterclass for any beginning writer today.

If you are just starting your writing journey, here is why Rachel Carson should be your guiding light.

1. Your “Lack of Fit” is Your Greatest Asset

When Carson started, she was an outlier. She didn’t have the traditional “authority” that a tenured professor might have had, but that was precisely why she succeeded. Because she didn’t write like a scientist, she didn’t write for scientists; she wrote for the public.

The Lesson: If you feel like an imposter because you don’t have a specific degree, a decade of experience, or a “correct” background, stop worrying. The most compelling stories are often told by the outsiders. Your unique perspective is not a lack of qualification; it is your competitive edge.

2. The Power of “Translating” Complexity

Carson’s genius lay in her ability to take dense, technical data about marine biology and transform it into lyrical prose. She understood that facts are meaningless if they don’t resonate with the reader’s emotions. Her early work on fish wasn’t just a report; it was storytelling.

The Lesson: Don’t just dump information. Your job as a writer is to be a bridge between complexity and comprehension. Whether you are writing about technology, finance, or arts and culture, focus on the “human” angle. Use metaphors, narrative arcs, and evocative language to make your subject matter breathe.

3. Start Small, But Think Big

Carson didn’t set out to write Silent Spring as her first project. She started by writing scripts for the U.S. Bureau of Fisheries. Those seemingly small, unglamorous tasks were the forge where she sharpened her voice. She mastered the craft of clear, rhythmic, and persuasive writing on a small scale before she took on the monumental task of changing global environmental policy.

The Lesson: Don’t wait for the “Big Book” or the “Viral Hit” to start practising. Hone your craft on the small stuff. Write the blog post, the newsletter, the caption, or the short essay. Every sentence is a rep in the gym. You are building the muscle that will eventually allow you to write something that matters.

4. Curiosity is the Engine of Credibility

Carson’s work on Silent Spring wasn’t just a sudden burst of inspiration; it was built on years of being a voracious learner. She cared deeply about the subject matter. Readers can smell when a writer is just “phoning it in.”

The Lesson: Write about what you are legitimately curious about. If you are passionate and curious, you will do the deep research required to back up your claims. That research is what gives you authority—not a title, not a degree, but the sheer effort you put into understanding your subject.

The Takeaway

Rachel Carson reimagined what a “science writer” could be. She proved that you don’t need a formal invitation to change the conversation; you just need a pen, a perspective, and the courage to tell the truth in your own voice.

If you’re a beginner, remember: You don’t need to fit the mold of the authors who came before you. You just need to show up, do the work, and let your curiosity lead the way. You never know—the “small” piece you write today might be the one that shifts the world tomorrow.

Searching for locations: The Castello di Brolio, Gaiole in Chianti, Tuscany, Italy

The castle is located in the southern Chianti Classico countryside and has been there for over ten centuries, and owned by the Ricasoli family since 1141.

Like any good castle, it has strong defences, and I was looking for a moat and drawbridge, but it looks like the moat has become a lawn.

The very high walls in places no doubt were built to keep the enemy out

The castle has been destroyed and rebuilt many times over the last 900 years.  It was part of the Florentine defences, and withstood, and succumbed to many battles with Siena, which is only 20 km away.  More recently, it still bears the scars of artillery fire and bombing in WW2.

The room at the top of this tower would have an excellent view of the countryside.

Here you can see the old and the new, the red brick part of the rebuilding in the 1800’s in the style of an English Manor

We did not get to see where that archway led.

Nor what was behind door number one at the top of these stairs.  Rest assured, many, many years ago someone wearing armour would have made the climb.   It would not pass current occupational health and safety these days with a number of stairs before a landing.

Cappella di San Jacopo.  Its foundations were laid in 1348.

Renovated in 1867-1869, it has a gabled façade preceded by a double stone staircase.  The interior, with a crypt where the members of the Ricasoli family are buried, has a nave divided into three spans with cross vaults.

The 1,200 hectares of the property include 240 hectares of vineyards and 26 of olive groves, in the commune of Gaiole.

“Return to sender” a short story

We all make mistakes, errors of judgment, stupidly or otherwise.

I’ve made a few, just like in the words of a song that rattled around in my head for a long time after.

Regrets, I’ve had a few, but there was one that, in the end, I didn’t.

But I guess it took a while to get to that point.

Sometimes it’s hard to work out why, sometimes because it’s simply time, others, well when you look back you realize that it should have happened for so many reasons, but at the time you couldn’t see the wood for the trees.

We were in a bad place.

I’d been spending too much time traveling in a job that I had begun to hate, and I could see our relationship slipping away.  It was not that neither of us cared for the other, or even stopped loving each other, it was simply the stresses of everyday life.

And it was not as if Chloe didn’t have a high-pressure job, the one she had always wanted, and the one, we agreed, nothing would get in the way if she was given the opportunity.

I was happy with that, and for her.  She was as entitled to have her dream job, as I was.  I thought, I think we both thought, and believed, that would be the foundation of a good relationship.

And it was, to begin with.

There’s a point where there is a catalyst, that action, or statement, or person, or moment in time that comes along like a wrecking ball, and sets a series of events in motion, and no one really knows where it’s going to land or it’s effect.

That event?

I came home early and saw an old friend of mine, Roger, leaving our house.  OK, not so much a big deal, except for the send-off.  Still, even then it might not be such a big deal, because I knew Chloe was a very affectionate, touchy feely sort of person.

It used to faze me, way back in the beginning, but she had said and proved, that I was the love of her life, and that others, well, she made them feel special.

I thought no more about it, of course, and I didn’t even mention it, though at the time when I did walk in the door, she seemed distracted.

And I would not have thought about it again until Roger’s wife, Melissa, called one morning, though why she would call me was a mystery, to say that she was planning to surprise Roger in Las Vegas.

OK, I was suitably surprised, thinking that she was suggesting that Chloe and I should both go and make a weekend of it.  We had done it before because Melissa was a travel agent, and sometimes got airline and hotel deals that made it affordable.

I remember saying that as far as I was aware, Chloe was in Pasadena for the week at a conference.

No, she said, Chloe was coincidentally in Las Vegas, and Roger had accidentally run into her.

Should alarm bells be going off, I wondered, when that sliver of memory of him leaving popped back into my mind?  No, it was just me, running around like a headless chook, failing to read her diary correctly.

I simply said, Fine, and told her to make the arrangements.

It was going to be a surprise because I hadn’t seen Chloe for two or three weeks, time seemed to pass too quickly these days, and it would be good for both of us to spend some time together, away from home and the stresses of our respective jobs.

…

I met Melissa at the airport.  Unlike Chloe, she was travelling light with only a carry-on bag.  I was used to moving fast and light with a bag that fitted in the overhead locker.

She had secured business class which was a treat because, in this day and age of economics, that perk had disappeared a while back and was only available to the senior staff.

Onto the fourth glass of champagne, she dropped her bombshell, whether deliberate or otherwise, I was never sure.

“It was very nice of Chloe to find Roger a job in her company.”

Did she, I thought.  It was the first time I’d heard about it, and my expression must have given me away.

“You didn’t know.”

“Chloe never mentioned it, no.  But it is like her.”  She had also employed members of her family who, in my opinion, wouldn’t get a job anywhere else.

“Odd, don’t you think?  It’s been about a year now.  His company went broke, and all the employees were tossed out onto the street with nothing.”

A year was a long time to forget to tell someone.  “Has it.  Perhaps it just slipped her mind.  She doesn’t tell me everything that goes on, nor do I want to know unless she thinks it’s important.”

Employing my best friend was important, and it surprised me that he hadn’t told me himself.  He was never backward in bragging about his achievements.  Odd, yes, that he hadn’t told me he’d lost his other job.

…

Melissa had found out the hotel they were staying in, which I had no idea of and didn’t ask, and it was simply a matter of telling the front desk clerk their spouses had arrived, and without question, he handed over the keys.

They were staying on different floors, which to me made sense.  I wasn’t expecting they to stay together, but I had an awful feeling Melissa had.

On the floor, I went to the room and knocked on the door.

A minute later, the door opened.  Chloe, still in her nightgown, and an expression that lasted a fraction of a second before it registered surprise.

“Tom!”

Any other time, I might have thought she was expecting someone else.

Then my phone buzzed, an incoming message, and I looked at it.

From Melissa.  “Lobby, now.”

I looked up, thought how beautiful she still looked, and said, “Hold that thought.  I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Then I closed the door and headed for the elevators.

Once inside and going down, my brain finally registered what it had just seen.  A woman prime for sex with that lustful look she used to have when we were first married.  Yes, she had been expecting someone, only not me.

Yet, in that moment of realisation, I wasn’t mad at her or angry.  She was exactly where she was because of me and my lack of consideration.  I had several opportunities to toss in the job that was clearly causing us issues, and I didn’t.  It was inevitable we were going to end up here.

When I stepped out of the elevator, I looked for Melissa, but she was not immediately noticeable.  Then, a further scan showed she was outside and not in a good state.  When I reached her, it was evident she had been crying, and she was angry.

“Is it what I think you’re going to say?”

She nodded.  “When he opened the door, his first words were, “Chloe, you sly fox, back for seconds?  And then nearly had a heart attack when he saw me.

“I’m sorry.  But did you have an idea this might happen?”

She nodded.

It explained everything: the hints, the sadness, the trip.  Obviously, she had known about it for some time.

I gave her a hug, and she melted into my arms, and we stayed that way until I saw Roger coming out of the elevator, looking around.

“Roger’s coming,” I said.

“I don’t want to see him, much less talk to him.”

“Then I’ll head him off.  Do you want to go home?” Again, she nodded.  “Then get a taxi to the airport, and I’ll be along in a short time.  I’ll text you when I’m leaving.”

A quick look in Roger’s direction, she headed to the taxi rank, and just as Roger came out the door, her taxi departed, leaving me standing there.

He saw me coming towards him, and to give him credit, he didn’t run.  It would be difficult for him to know exactly how I might react.

“Tom.”

“My best friend, Roger.  I might have been able to cope if it were some random guy, but not you.”

“Look…”

If he was going to try and justify himself or make excuses, I didn’t want to hear it.  “Now is not the time.  I’m going to take Melissa home, and I suggest you take the time to figure out how you are going to deal with her because I’m not the problem.”

He was going to reply, but possibly thought twice about it.  Instead, he shrugged.  “Later then.”

I watched him go back inside.  What I should have done, then, was go back to see Chloe.  The thing is, I didn’t know what to say, and I didn’t want the conversation to descend into blame, or worse.  Better, I just head for the airport and come to grips with what I was going to do next.

…

As expected, about five minutes after the taxi had left for the airport, Chloe called.

“I’ve been expecting you,” she said.  Her tone was not confident, but a little bit hesitant.

“Sorry.  Roger came looking for Melissa, and seeing him, well, that just threw me.”

“I’m sorry I lied to you.”

“About?”

“Going to Pasadena.  I came here to end it because it made me realise what was missing between us, and I wanted it back.”

“And if Melissa hadn’t played out her worst fears, that would have worked.  The world, it seems, works in mysterious ways.”

If I thought about it, I might have had suspicions, but I was not the sort of person to let them get the better of me.  And had it not been for Melissa, my ignorance would have been bliss.

“What is it telling us, then, Tom?”

“That we need to take a step back.  I know that I’m to blame as much as anything else, and although you might find it hard to believe, I don’t hate you, nor am I angry with you.  For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.  I saw the signs, and I didn’t do anything about them.  We’ll talk when you come home.”

I disconnected the call.  My voice had broken, and I hadn’t realised just how much it had affected me, suddenly overcome with great sadness.

…

I didn’t go home.

On the plane back, I realised that where I lived was just a house.  It wasn’t mine; Chloe’s success had contributed most towards it, and everything else.  If I were to be objective, there really wasn’t anything of me there.

It was easy to walk away.

When Chloe came home and found me missing, she called three times before I answered.  I had thought long and hard about what we had together and whether or not we could get over what had happened.  Perhaps, if she hadn’t lied about where she was, perhaps if it had not been Roger, my best friend, who, by the way, was no longer my best friend, I might have considered we had a chance.

But the trust was broken, and I’d always be wondering.  She was successful, she had everything she ever wanted, and she was a grown woman who had to take responsibility for her actions.

She would always be the love of my life; it’s just that I couldn’t live with her.  We spoke about divorce, but it never seemed to happen.  I think she always had the notion that we would eventually get back together.

We parted friends, but never seemed to travel in the same circles.  On our twentieth wedding anniversary, she sent me a letter, perhaps thinking it was the only way she could speak to me. I had long since traded my old phone in for a new one, in another country.

I toyed with the idea of reading it, but in the end scrawled on it black capital letters, “Not known at this address, return to sender”.  It was time to move on.

…

© Charles Heath 2021-2025