It’s late at night, and twenty other story ideas are currently running around in my head, instead of the story I should be working on.

These ideas are impinging on the current story and somehow are finding their way onto the page.

Writing, cursing, deleting, re-writing, deleting, cursing.

I’m working on the latest book, and it is not going well.  I don’t have writer’s block; I think it is more a case of self-doubt.  It’s why I can’t concentrate.

It’s why I’m thinking about the next story and not staying on track.  And that pesky outline, or synopsis, or whatever it wants to be called, has gone missing under a pile of paper.

Next resolution, clean up this goddam mess!

This leads me to be overly critical of what I have written and to press the delete key more often.  Only to realise that an action taken in haste can be regrettable and makes me feel even more depressed when I realise the deletions are irrecoverable.

Damn.  Whatever happened to ‘undo’?

I think I’d be happier in a garret somewhere channelling van Gogh’s rage.

Lesson learned – don’t delete, save it to a text file so it can be retrieved when sanity returns.

If it returns…

I was not happy with the previous start.  Funny about that, because until a few weeks ago I thought the start was perfect.

What a difference a week makes, or is that politics?

Perhaps I should consider adding some political satire.

But I digress…

It seems it’s been like that for a few weeks now, not being able to stick to the job in hand, doing anything but what I’m supposed to be doing.  I recognise the restlessness. I’m not happy with the story as it stands, so rather than moving forward, I find myself writing words just for the sake of writing words.

Any words are better than none, right?

So, I rewrote the start, added about a hundred pages, and now I have to do a mass of rewriting of what was basically the whole book.

But here’s the thing.

This morning, I woke up and looked at the new start, and it has inspired me.

Perhaps all I needed was several weeks of teeth gnashing and self-doubt to get myself back on track.