Now that I’ve gone through the story and made quite a few changes, it’s time to look at the story

…

It took fifteen seconds to disentangle herself from the customer, push him away, get to her feet, and get out into the street, weapon aimed.

At nothing but air.

The girl had gone, and then she had the vague recollection of a shadow passing her as she was facing the other way getting to her feet.

And that same shadow running through the door.

Five more valuable seconds as her brain processed this piece of information before it issued the command to go out the door and see which way she went.

Another few seconds to get out the door and see the police car coming from the same direction she had earlier, screeching to a halt outside the shop, a door opening, and an officer getting out.

Margaret was gesturing for the driver to go further down the road where she assumed the girl had run, managing to yell breathlessly at the office getting out, “She’s gone that way,” and pointing.

The officer relayed the message and closed the door as the car sped off.

“What happened?”

“Shots fired by a woman, more a girl, in the process of a robbery.”

She ran back inside the officer following.

The customer had moved away from the doorway having got to his feet and was checking the damage to his coat where the bullet held felt earlier had passed through the fabric and missed everything else.

“Over behind the counter.”  She pointed at the wall where he had been standing.  There was a shopkeeper.  He was standing there.”

The policeman rounded the end of the counter and looked down.  “He’s here.  It’s not looking good.”

Margaret didn’t hear him.  She was calling an ambulance.

…

© Charles Heath 2016-2024