“The Document” – the editor’s second draft – Day 5

This book has finally come back from the Editor, so this month it is going to get a second revision, a second draft for the editor, and beta readers.

And so it begins…

It might be a little pedantic, but I have to pay more attention to the word count and make sure the revision is spaced correctly over the thirty days.

Today, day 5, the count is 1,862 words, making a total of 8,943 words so far.

What I have to be careful about is not to let the pressure get to me. I mean, I have to revise about 1,700 words a day to maintain the target. It seems a small amount, but remember this is supposed to produce a reasonably polished manuscript that an editor will not throw back at me.

If I miss a day, or the creative juices stop flowing…

OK, not something we need to think about.

Just a minor issue, though, I left a section out the first time around to be written, because I was not sure what I wanted to write. Perhaps what is coming may give some insight.

In the meantime, yet another yellow post-it note. Or I could just get it done.

People do do overtime don’t they?

I’m thinking of getting a new colour for the post-it notes, perhaps a more soothing pale green.

“What Sets Us Apart”, a mystery with a twist

David is a man troubled by a past he is trying to forget.

Susan is rebelling against a life of privilege and an exasperated mother who holds a secret that will determine her daughter’s destiny.

They are two people brought together by chance. Or was it?

When Susan discovers her mother’s secret, she goes in search of the truth that has been hidden from her since the day she was born.

When David realizes her absence is more than the usual cooling off after another heated argument, he finds himself being slowly drawn back into his former world of deceit and lies.

Then, back with his former employers, David quickly discovers nothing is what it seems as he embarks on a dangerous mission to find Susan before he loses her forever.

Find the kindle version on Amazon here:  http://amzn.to/2Eryfth

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In a word: Maybe

This word, where I live, had taken on a new meaning.  We have telephone scammers who ask your name when you answer the phone, and when you say yes, they hang up.

It doesn’t take much imagination how they can use that recording.

So, I now answer the phone with maybe, which confuses the real callers who want to know if it is you.

Of course, maybe is one of those words that have so many meaning, but the best one is to use it while you have time to think of a proper answer.

For example, did you get the potatoes?  You haven’t been out, it slipped your mind, or you just plain forgot, but run with a ‘maybe’ so you can judge the reaction.

Angry face, you know no matter what, you’re in trouble.

Genial face, you know that it didn’t really matter and all is forgiven.

Then there’s the person who doesn’t know you and comes up to you in a crowded room.  Are you [put name here]?

Maybe.  We want to know if we’re in trouble, or if it for something good.

Using ‘maybe’ in writing probably isn’t the best word to us, but I like defying the experts.  You can always find a maybe or two in any of my books.

An excerpt from “The Things We Do For Love”; In love, Henry was all at sea!

In the distance he could hear the dinner bell ringing and roused himself.  Feeling the dampness of the pillow, and fearing the ravages of pent up emotion, he considered not going down but thought it best not to upset Mrs. Mac, especially after he said he would be dining.

In the event, he wished he had reneged, especially when he discovered he was not the only guest staying at the hotel.

Whilst he’d been reminiscing, another guest, a young lady, had arrived.  He’d heard her and Mrs. Mac coming up the stairs, and then shown to a room on the same floor, perhaps at the other end of the passage.

Henry caught his first glimpse of her when she appeared at the door to the dining room, waiting for Mrs. Mac to show her to a table.

She was about mid-twenties, slim, long brown hair, and the grace and elegance of a woman associated with countless fashion magazines.  She was, he thought, stunningly beautiful with not a hair out of place, and make-up flawlessly applied.  Her clothes were black, simple, elegant, and expensive, the sort an heiress or wife of a millionaire might condescend to wear to a lesser occasion than dinner.

Then there was her expression; cold, forbidding, almost frightening in its intensity.  And her eyes, piercingly blue and yet laced with pain.  Dracula’s daughter was his immediate description of her.

All in all, he considered, the only thing they had in common was, like him, she seemed totally out of place.

Mrs. Mac came out of the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron.  She was, she informed him earlier, chef, waitress, hotelier, barmaid, and cleaner all rolled into one.  Coming up to the new arrival she said, “Ah, Miss Andrews, I’m glad you decided to have dinner.  Would you like to sit with Mr. Henshaw, or would you like to have a table of your own?”

Henry could feel her icy stare as she sized up his appeal as a dining companion, making the hair on the back on his neck stand up.  He purposely didn’t look back.  In his estimation, his appeal rating was minus six.  Out of a thousand!

“If Mr. Henshaw doesn’t mind….”  She looked at him, leaving the query in mid-air.

He didn’t mind and said so.  Perhaps he’d underestimated his rating.

“Good.”  Mrs. Mac promptly ushered her over.  Henry stood, made sure she was seated properly and sat.

“Thank you.  You are most kind.”  The way she said it suggested snobbish overtones.

“I try to be when I can.”  It was supposed to nullify her sarcastic tone but made him sound a little silly, and when she gave him another of her icy glares, he regretted it.

Mrs. Mac quickly intervened, asking, “Would you care for the soup?”

They did, and, after writing the order on her pad, she gave them each a look, imperceptibly shook her head, and returned to the kitchen.

Before Michelle spoke to him again, she had another quick look at him, trying to fathom who and what he might be.  There was something about him.

His eyes, they mirrored the same sadness she felt, and, yes, there was something else, that it looked like he had been crying?  There was a tinge of redness.

Perhaps, she thought, he was here for the same reason she was.

No.  That wasn’t possible.

Then she said, without thinking, “Do you have any particular reason for coming here?”  Seconds later she realized she’s spoken it out loud, had hadn’t meant to actually ask, it just came out.

It took him by surprise, obviously not the first question he was expecting her to ask of him.

“No, other than it is as far from civilization, and home, as I could get.”

At least we agree on that, she thought.

It was obvious he was running away from something as well.

Given the isolation of the village and lack of geographic hospitality, it was, from her point of view, ideal.  All she had to do was avoid him, and that wouldn’t be difficult.

After getting through this evening first.

“Yes,” she agreed.  “It is that.”

A few seconds passed, and she thought she could feel his eyes on her and wasn’t going to look up.

Until he asked, “What’s your reason?”

Slight abrupt in manner, perhaps as a result of her question, and the manner in which she asked it.

She looked up.  “Rest.  And have some time to myself.”

She hoped he would notice the emphasis she had placed on the word ‘herself’ and take due note.  No doubt, she thought,  she had completely different ideas of what constituted a holiday than he, not that she had actually said she was here for a holiday.

Mrs. Mac arrived at a fortuitous moment to save them from further conversation.

Over the entree, she wondered if she had made a mistake coming to the hotel.  Of course, there had been no possible way she could know than anyone else might have booked the same hotel, but realized it was foolish to think she might end up in it by herself.

Was that what she was expecting?

Not a mistake then, but an unfortunate set of circumstances, which could be overcome by being sensible.

Yet, there he was, and it made her curious, not that he was a man, by himself, in the middle of nowhere, hiding like she was, but for very different reasons.

On discreet observance whilst they ate, she gained the impression his air of light-heartedness was forced and he had no sense of humor.

This feeling was engendered by his looks, unruly dark hair, and permanent frown.  And then there was his abysmal taste in clothes on a tall, lanky frame.  They were quality but totally unsuited to the wearer.

Rebellion was written all over him.

The only other thought crossing her mind, and rather incongruously, was he could do with a decent feed.  In that respect, she knew now from the mountain of food in front of her, he had come to the right place.

“Mr. Henshaw?”

He looked up.  “Henshaw is too formal.  Henry sounds much better,” he said, with a slight hint of gruffness.

“Then my name is Michelle.”

Mrs. Mac came in to take their order for the only main course, gather up the entree dishes, then return to the kitchen.

“Staying long?” she asked.

“About three weeks.  Yourself?”

“About the same.”

The conversation dried up.

Neither looked at the other, rather at the walls, out the window, towards the kitchen, anywhere.  It was, she thought, almost unbearably awkward.

Mrs. Mac returned with a large tray with dishes on it, setting it down on the table next to theirs.

“Not as good as the usual cook,” she said, serving up the dinner expertly, “but it comes a good second, even if I do say so myself.  Care for some wine?”

Henry looked at Michelle.  “What do you think?”

“I’m used to my dining companions making the decision.”

You would, he thought.  He couldn’t help but notice the cutting edge of her tone.  Then, to Mrs. Mac, he named a particular White Burgundy he liked and she bustled off.

“I hope you like it,” he said, acknowledging her previous comment with a smile that had nothing to do with humor.

“Yes, so do I.”

Both made a start on the main course, a concoction of chicken and vegetables that were delicious, Henry thought, when compared to the bland food he received at home and sometimes aboard my ship.

It was five minutes before Mrs. Mac returned with the bottle and two glasses.  After opening it and pouring the drinks, she left them alone again.

Henry resumed the conversation.  “How did you arrive?  I came by train.”

“By car.”

“Did you drive yourself?”

And he thought, a few seconds later, that was a silly question, otherwise she would not be alone, and certainly not sitting at this table. With him.

“After a fashion.”

He could see that she was formulating a retort in her mind, then changed it, instead, smiling for the first time, and it served to lighten the atmosphere.

And in doing so, it showed him she had another more pleasant side despite the fact she was trying not to look happy.

“My father reckons I’m just another of ‘those’ women drivers,” she added.

“Whatever for?”

“The first and only time he came with me I had an accident.  I ran up the back of another car.  Of course, it didn’t matter to him the other driver was driving like a startled rabbit.”

“It doesn’t help,” he agreed.

“Do you drive?”

“Mostly people up the wall.”  His attempt at humor failed.  “Actually,” he added quickly, “I’ve got a very old Morris that manages to get me where I’m going.”

The apple pie and cream for dessert came and went and the rapport between them improved as the wine disappeared and the coffee came.  Both had found, after getting to know each other better, their first impressions were not necessarily correct.

“Enjoy the food?” Mrs. Mac asked, suddenly reappearing.

“Beautifully cooked and delicious to eat,” Michelle said, and Henry endorsed her remarks.

“Ah, it does my heart good to hear such genuine compliments,” she said, smiling.  She collected the last of the dishes and disappeared yet again.

“What do you do for a living,” Michelle asked in an off-hand manner.

He had a feeling she was not particularly interested and it was just making conversation.

“I’m a purser.”

“A what?”

“A purser.  I work on a ship doing the paperwork, that sort of thing.”

“I see.”

“And you?”

“I was a model.”

“Was?”

“Until I had an accident, a rather bad one.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

So that explained the odd feeling he had about her.

As the evening had worn on, he began to think there might be something wrong, seriously wrong with her because she didn’t look too well.  Even the carefully applied makeup, from close up, didn’t hide the very pale, and tired look, or the sunken, dark ringed eyes.

“I try not to think about it, but it doesn’t necessarily work.  I’ve come here for peace and quiet, away from doctors and parents.”

“Then you will not have to worry about me annoying you.  I’m one of those fall-asleep-reading-a-book types.”

Perhaps it would be like ships passing in the night and then smiled to himself about the analogy.

Dinner now over, they separated.

Henry went back to the lounge to read a few pages of his book before going to bed, and Michelle went up to her room to retire for the night.

But try as he might, he was unable to read, his mind dwelling on the unusual, yet the compellingly mysterious person he would be sharing the hotel with.

Overlaying that original blurred image of her standing in the doorway was another of her haunting expressions that had, he finally conceded, taken his breath away, and a look that had sent more than one tingle down his spine.

She may not have thought much of him, but she had certainly made an impression on him.

© Charles Heath 2015-2020

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Writing about writing a book – Day 18

It’s time to go back to working on Bill’s backstory now that we’ve filled in some of the gaps.

Like some TV shows and books, some of the action sometimes takes the form of flashbacks.

In Starburst, Bill has a complete backstory, of a time that he had mainly forced into the deep dark part of his memory, waiting for something or someone to trigger it.

This whole back story, from the moment he entered the war zone, to the moment his war ended, and those that participated throughout that time, will be in the form of flashbacks, the first of which is triggered by the painkiller Bill is given after being shot in the Aitcheson incident.

These flashbacks will not necessarily be in any sort of order, but I have been thinking about this part of the story and produced an outline of the sequences I will require, give or take.  There may be more, or less, depending on how the story progresses.

Part 1 – From arrival in the war zone to being assigned to Davenport’s squad

Being sent to, and the first patrol in Vietnam

Death and mayhem some months after sent to Vietnam

First meeting Barry in army mobile hospital

R and R in Saigon, with the first of the Vietnamese girls

Psychiatric help, time in the stockade

No soldier who trains for war, nor can they have a real idea what war is like, and certainly a war in the jungle, on the enemy’s terms.  Bill is like any other soldier, happy to go into service, but soon the reality, and death becomes apparent.

Endless rain, endless heat, endless and sometimes needless death, and a deep mistrust of those whom you are supposed to protect, start to work on the mind of a person young enough not to understand what is going on.

Then, when trying to blot out the memories of death, enemy and friend alike, something has to give.  Of course, the last place you want to end up in the stockade.

Part 2 – A lifeline, and a pass into the so-called Davenport Operation

Training as a spy?

Colonel, calling Bill into a briefing on the Davenport operation

Talking to the Commanding officer in Stockade, as a preliminary to Davenport service

Was Bill sent to the stockade because he committed an act of folly, or his incarceration a part of a much larger plan, a plan to have an inside man to report on Davenport?

It’s not the first time someone higher up the chain of command has had ideas of trying to find out what Davenport is doing, and where only rumors abound of his ‘interests’.  Agents had been sent in before, and those agents had disappeared.

Was Bill about to be the next, or was he just in the wrong place at the wrong time?

There is more, but I’m still working on it.

© Charles Heath 2015-2023

Mistaken Identity – The Third Editor’s Draft – Day 30

I have been working on the story, the editor is asking for a third draft after making suggested changes – and I’m now working on it

It’s over, done, but not dusted.

The writing might be done, but to get through nearly 70,000 words in 30 days is quite an achievement.

It’s been a battle, and time management has been shot to hell more than once.

There were days I honestly believed I’d get nothing done. I don’t know how people who have a day job could ever get much writing done at night.

I’m looking forward to a few day’s rest, and not having to face the word processor ready to input words.

As for how it finishes, I hope, will get past that ever-inquisitive editor. Even so, the end is in sight, it may change but not substantially, and I will add a post to tell everyone what the editor thinks.

As for now, that’s it!

No more tomorrow.

The cinema of my dreams – I always wanted to go on a treasure hunt – Episode 88

Here’s the thing…

Every time I close my eyes, I see something different.

I’d like to think the cinema of my dreams is playing a double feature but it’s a bit like a comedy cartoon night on Fox.

But these dreams are nothing to laugh about.

Once again there’s a new installment of an old feature, and we’re back on the treasure hunt.

I really am leaving, really

A lot can happen in a week.

After leaving the mall carpark, we drove past a scene that could have been right out of a movie, it seemed that surreal.  There were 6 police cars, lights flashing, and officers everywhere.

Cossatino was up against his car, with two officers standing over him.  Both the sheriff and Charlene were not far away, and I had no doubt Charlene’s career was about to take a huge leap, bringing down members of both crime families.

His two bodyguards were on the ground, looking like they’d just gone ten rounds against the reigning heavyweight boxing champion.

Nadia didn’t slow down when passing, and unless he recognized the car, Cossatino would not have seen us, so dense was the tint she had on the car windows.

One of the other cars had both Alex and Vince in the rear, both looking very forlorn.  At that moment in time, I felt like Boggs would get the justice he deserved, in a manner that didn’t require bloodshed, and had to admire the planning and forethought Nadia had put into the operation.

We didn’t go back to her hotel, she suspected the arrest of her father, brother and Alex would not go unnoticed, along with her part in it, despite Charlene assuring her she’d try to keep it under wraps.  Instead, we headed out of town to a small motel that few knew about, and an owner who wouldn’t recognize her, or me.

The room was dingy, with a musty aroma that comes from lack of use, but the sheets were clean, the water in the bathroom hot, and the company perfect.

We didn’t speak, there was no need to, and in the end, everything was just perfect.

Of course, expecting the serenity to last was a forlorn hope.

It wasn’t just the thunderstorm that passed through around midnight, but more a sense of foreboding left hanging in the air.

We were woken, firstly by the rhythmic sound of light rain on the roof, which in a way was quite soothing, but then by the sound of the TV news, part of an early morning show that I had only seen a few times, and disliked because of the presenters.

This morning they sounded positively garish, one reporting, in a tone that might have been used to report an end-of-world event,

“This morning we are waking to the news that the two largest crime families in the county have been finally brought to justice.”

It was a tag team event.

“Yes, John.  We are learning that the head of the Cossatino clan has been charged with conspiracy to murder and that his son Vincent, had been charged over the murder of a local boy, Anton Boggs.”

To the other presenter,

“Yes, Alice.  We understand that the Boggs family has a rather infamous connection to the search for Captain X, long believed to have stashed a large cache of his plunder somewhere along the coastline.  This treasure hunt was first started in earnest by another local identity, X Ormiston, who, like the victim’s father, disappeared mysteriously, some years ago.”

Back again,

“We also understand that the son of businessman and long believed to be involved in a number of suspect activities, none of which gave been proved I might add, Alexander Benderby, has also been arrested as an accomplice in the murder of Anton Boggs.”

There was a momentary break, time enough to turn on the TV in our room, and just as the picture came on, “Just a moment,” as the man held a hand to his ear, no doubt listening to someone updating the situation, or that something more important was happening.

Then, “we have breaking news, and we’re crossing to the Sheriff’s office where he’s about to make an announcement.”

The picture changed, coming live from outside the sheriff’s office, with a row of microphones and more standing in front, waiting.

“This is not looking good,”  Nadia said.

I think she thought the same as I did, and exactly what I’d told Charlene a few days before, that money trumps justice.

“You think the sheriff’s sold out and will recant the charges?”

“Given how much money both of them have funneled one way or another his way, I wouldn’t be surprised.  I honestly thought that Charlene was different “

“She means well, but you have to remember she is subject to the will of the sheriff’s first, and her father second, though those lines may be blurred at times.  Had it been anyone else, justice would prevail.”

No time for any more discussion, the sheriff came out to address the media pack.

“At 5:45 am this morning Vincent Cossatino was found deceased in his cell, along with a suicide note asking for absolution for his crimes.”

“Here it comes,” Nadia muttered.

“The note also stated that he alone was responsible for the death of Anton Boggs, the Alex Benderby had taken no part in it and therefore has been released from custody all charges dropped.”

Nadia turned off the TV.  “There’s no way in hell Vincent committed suicide or wrote such a note.  He was made the scapegoat. So all the others could go free. Something had to be done about Vince and this was dad’s way of cleaning up the mess he left behind.  Bastard.”

Deals were done, there was no doubt about it.  I wondered what Charlene thought about it?

So did Nadia, who had her phone in her hand, and no doubt calling her.

If I were Charlene, I would not answer, but she did.

Nadia put it on speaker, and put it between us.  “What the fuck was that all about?”

“I was taken off the case, for obvious reasons.  Is Sam there?”

“Yes,” I said.

“You were right.  A deal was done last night, but I had no idea what the outcome was until the same time you just heard.  This isn’t justice.”

“Nor what we agreed,” Nadia said.

“And for that, I’m sorry, but I stupidly thought that the law was the law, but apparently it isn’t.  I’m about to hand in my resignation but that won’t change anything.  Alex will get away with it, despite the confession.  Apparently, the recording was damaged when it came to anything he said.”

“Alex might like to think he has, but justice has a way of catching up with the guilty.”

“Don’t do anything stupid, Nadia.  They’ll be expecting you to do something.”

“Yes, I guess so.  Maybe Sam and I will just leave.  This place no longer has anything to keep me here.  I’m sure my father will get off with lesser charges, and seek to make my life hell for what he perceives as disloyalty.”

“Like I said, I was deliberately sidelined.  There’s not a lot I can do, and even if I tried, I’m sure they’d do something about it and then ruin my chances of getting another job.  I’m sorry.”

“It is what it is,” Nadia said, then disconnected the call.

She sat still for a minute, maybe more before she looked at me.  “How long will it take you to pack a bag?”

“Italy?”

“Anywhere but here.  Unless you have a compelling reason to stay?”

I thought about it for all of a minute.  There was nothing.  If my mother was staying with Benderby, then she would be acquiring a new husband and losing a son.  There was no way I was going to be associated with the Benderby’s, and less so, a stepbrother to Alex.

“None that I can think of.  I just have to go home and collect a few things.”

“You do have a passport, don’t you?”

Since I had never traveled out of the country, and never looked like I ever would, a few months ago the answer to that question would have been an emphatic no.  But my mother had floated the idea of going to England, where her ancestors came from, and, having mentioned a recent death of a relative I had not heard of before, decided that we might take the first step, and get passports, essential items if one wanted to travel.

The plan had not been mentioned again, not since getting the job in the warehouse, and the treasure hint started with Boggs, but the passport had arrived a few days before we disappeared, and she left it on my bedside table.

I was not sure how I was hoping to pay for my airfare, but that was a bridge to cross later.

“I do, as a matter of fact, all shiny and new.”

“Good.  I’ll pick you up at your place when you’re ready.  Just send me a text.”

© Charles Heath 2020-2022

“The Document” – the editor’s second draft – Day 4

This book has finally come back from the Editor, so this month it is going to get a second revision, a second draft for the editor, and beta readers.

And so it begins…

Those pesky characters seem to be always getting in the way

And no matter how much you think you have that character down, they always find a new way to surprise you. But, here’s the thing…

In those heady moments when you are first writing the story and working with the characters, they don’t necessarily have those little annoying traits, to begin with.

Those traits come now, in the revision, where they cease to be two-dimensional.

Of course, these people are mostly an amalgam of characteristics that you’ve observed over a long period of time.

I used to sit at the railway station at busy times to observe people and filled a dozen notebooks with both characteristics and eccentricities.

A little backpedalling is required.

I know there isn’t a lot of time for revisions this early on, but there are ‘glaring’ mistakes, even for a first draft, even if it is not meant to be perfect.

As they say, moving on…

“The Document” – the editor’s second draft – Day 4

This book has finally come back from the Editor, so this month it is going to get a second revision, a second draft for the editor, and beta readers.

And so it begins…

Those pesky characters seem to be always getting in the way

And no matter how much you think you have that character down, they always find a new way to surprise you. But, here’s the thing…

In those heady moments when you are first writing the story and working with the characters, they don’t necessarily have those little annoying traits, to begin with.

Those traits come now, in the revision, where they cease to be two-dimensional.

Of course, these people are mostly an amalgam of characteristics that you’ve observed over a long period of time.

I used to sit at the railway station at busy times to observe people and filled a dozen notebooks with both characteristics and eccentricities.

A little backpedalling is required.

I know there isn’t a lot of time for revisions this early on, but there are ‘glaring’ mistakes, even for a first draft, even if it is not meant to be perfect.

As they say, moving on…

Nothing is infallible, computers or memory

It’s late at night and there are twenty other story ideas that are currently running around in my head, instead of the story I should be working on.

These ideas are impinging on the current story, and somehow are finding their way onto the page.

Writing, cursing, deleting, re-writing, deleting, cursing.

I’m working on the latest book and it is not going well.  I don’t have writer’s block, I think it is more a case of self-doubt.  It’s why I can’t concentrate.

It’s why I’m thinking about the next story and not staying on track.  And that pesky outline, or synopsis, or whatever it wants to be called has gone missing under a pile of paper.

Next resolution, clean up this goddam mess!

This leads me to be over critical of what I have written and much pressing of the delete key.  Only to realize that an action taken in haste can be regrettable, and makes me feel even more depressed when I realize the deletions are irrecoverable.

Damn.  Whatever happened to ‘undo’?

I think I’d be happier in a garret somewhere channeling van Gogh’s rage.

Lesson learned – don’t delete, save it to a text file so it can be retrieved when sanity returns.

If it returns…

I was not happy with the previous start.  Funny about that, because until a few weeks ago I thought the start was perfect.

What a difference a week makes or is that politics?

Perhaps I should consider adding some political satire.

But I digress…

It seems it’s been like that for a few weeks now, not being able to stick to the job in hand, doing anything but what I’m supposed to be doing.  I recognize the restlessness, I’m not happy with the story as it is, so rather than getting on with it, I find myself writing words just for the sake of writing words.

Any words are better than none, right?

So I rewrote the start, added about a hundred pages and now I have to do a mass of rewriting of what was basically the whole book.

But here’s the thing.

This morning I woke up and looked at the new start, and it has inspired me.

Perhaps all I needed was several weeks of teeth gnashing, and self doubt to get myself back on track.